It is better to give than receive, I’m told. So, I made a donation of urine and O+ blood at Baypointe Hospital yesterday. In return for my generosity, I’m being provided a slew of test results that may shed some light on how my soon-to-be 66-year-old body is holding on against my daily over indulgences of walking and drinking. Also got a chest x-ray that might reveal how much longer I’ll be capable of breathing. Sent my helper to pick up the results this afternoon and I’ll schedule a visit with the doctor for her insights into the state of my health.

That hospital visit was pretty much the highlight of my lazy Tuesday. Did some limited grocery shopping with the idea that the less I buy now, the less I’ll have to move later. When that later might be remains unresolved. I’m trying to time the move to coincide with the transfer of my cable TV/internet service. They want me to move first, then schedule a technician. Nope, when the technician calls to say he’s on his way I’ll carry the modem and wifi transmitter with me to the new house. Duh. Oh, and I want to downgrade my television service to basic since I rarely watch TV, and when I do, it’s on the internet. The cable company said there is a 1000 peso fee to change service levels. Bullsht. If push comes to shove, I’ll just cancel altogether and then call to establish service as a new customer. I’d tell them to fuck off completely but they are the only provider here in Alta Vista. We shall see how this plays out.

A typical evening out last night. Started at Cheap Charlies, then moved on to Mango’s.

That’s about it from here. I’ve got Dive In on my radar for tonight and I’ll report on today’s Wednesday Walkers excursion tomorrow.

See you then! And oh yeah, Fuck You, Fauci!

Hey, even in paradise sometimes things just don’t go according to plan. Take yesterday for example. Thursday is usually my long solitary walk day. Instead, I never left the house until late in the afternoon. Poor dogs! Well, I did let them outside to take care of business but they didn’t get their customary walk. Do I have any excuse for such laziness? Other than to argue being lazy wasn’t my motivation, no. I just didn’t feel up to doing much of anything at all. I spent a goodly part of the day in bed. I don’t know, maybe my body was just saying it needed a break. For the most part, though, it just felt like a wasted day.

I did manage a blog post and I also baked up a batch of cornbread. Around 4:30 I headed out to Cheap Charlies for my daily beer ration. About halfway there I was regretting my decision–it was hot and I didn’t feel like walking. I carried on though, but knew I wouldn’t be staying long; I had steaks to grill back at the house. And just over an hour later, I was home again and busy putting together my dinner menu: ribeyes, baked potato, broccoli, corn-on-the-cob, and cornbread.

Actually, I’m not happy with the steaks I’ve been getting from the meat lady. Sure, they are tender and USDA quality beef, but they are just too damn thin. Hell, they were falling apart when I turned them on the grill. I’m going to need to find a new source for my steaks. I was happy with the cornbread though, I hadn’t made a batch for quite some time. Had a chunk with my breakfast today and added a little honey on top. Yum!

Shortly after eating, the suckiness returned. I found myself short of breath. That used to happen quite often before I started my meds, but now it is unusual enough to be concerning. I did two doses of my bronchodilator juice with the nebulizer. That seemed to help.

And oh yeah, I have an ingrown fingernail on my thumb. It’s been a few days and last night it was swollen and extremely painful. My helper did her best to relieve the pressure and dig out the offending nail, but damn, it was excruciating. Luckily, if feels much better today. I’m even using my thumb for the keyboard space bar again!

So I go upstairs to bed, but I had difficulty sleeping. I had an itchy foot. I tried to ignore it to no avail. I finally got up and put some hydrocortisone on the offending area. I laid back down and then my leg began itching. I was thinking damn, the mosquitos are aggressive tonight, but when I looked for tell-tale signs of a bite, there weren’t any. No idea what the itching was all about, but it lasted through the night and resulted in a very fitful sleep.

Alright, I reckon that’s enough whining for one post. I know people who are dealing with some serious medical issues (welcome home from the hospital, Kevin!), and I am blessed indeed to be as healthy as I am. I do feel a lot better today and was able to participate in the Friday group hike, so there’s that. I also have a full weekend of Hashing ahead of me. I’ll share more about that tomorrow.

In the meantime, Facebook reminded me that I posted this gem back in 2013:

A commenter left this on my Facebook page in response:

Well, it’s Friday night, so you know what that means. Time to go out and sweet talk the bargirls:

Yeah, I’ve probably used that cartoon here before, but I can’t remember. That’s the nice thing about being forgetful–everything old is new again!

You would be looking for great info about regular dental check ups. But I feel a little weird writing about my dental appointment while my friend Kevin Kim is in the hospital recovering from a stroke, but my visit with Dr. Barrera was the highlight of my day, so check over here to know my experience with a dental checkup.

First time with this dentist and I was quite impressed. Dr. Barrera is a very personable and friendly guy who made me feel at ease right away. People can also check 904implant.com/transformations for the best dental services. He was wearing one of those full-body protective suits, so I still don’t know what he looks like, but his English was so good and lacking an accent that I almost asked if he had been raised in the USA. Decided that would be rude so I didn’t. He engaged me in small talk as he prepared for the extraction and it turns out we know some of the same people and we are neighbors of our sort–he owns a lot in Alta Vista. I laughed when he told me about meeting one of my landlords and coming away feeling like the guy was on the shady side. He was surprised they’d been so stupid as to run off a long-term tenant in the manner that they did. Anyway, Dr. Barrera seems like a nice enough guy, but can he pull a tooth?

Turns out he can, but my tooth didn’t make it easy for him. The night before my appointment, a piece had broken off in my mouth. Other than a wisdom tooth, I’d never had a tooth extracted. I figured it would be like in the movies where you just grab it with the pliers and give a yank. Instead, I was in the chair for almost an hour. The tooth kept breaking apart which necessitated digging it out piece by piece. And I guess those roots didn’t want to give up their long-term residence. Dr. Barrera had numbed me up of course, but damn, some of that yanking and grinding was downright uncomfortable. But in the end, it all came out fine .It is always better to consult a emergency dentist Mineola at the earlier stage to avoid unbearable pain and suffering .

No pain to speak of today. I asked about an implant and Dr. Barrera advised I’d need to wait several weeks for the gums to completely heal. He also suggested a bridge might be a better option. So, I will be walking around with this hole in my head for some time to come it looks like. Still, it was not a bad experience under the circumstances. Doc Berrara sent me home with some pain pills I haven’t needed and advised me I should forego my Listerine mouthwash for a few days. He did say cold drinks would be fine, which was all I needed to hear! And oh yeah, the whole procedure cost me a grand total of 2500 pesos ($50.). Not bad!

Dynamite Dick’s is practically next door to the dentist’s office, and as I walked by Dick called out to me “what are you doing?” Told him I just had a tooth pulled and he insisted on buying me a beer. So, there I am drinking a cold one with the cotton pad still on my recently bleeding gum. I ditched the pad so as to properly enjoy my beer. Met another guy at the table named Mike. Turns out he retired and moved her in 2018 as well. He spent his working life at the US Postal Service, mostly as a letter carrier. Well met, indeed!

A few more beers at It Doesn’t Matter, then I was off to Sit-n-Bull for some dinner. A nightcap at Queen Victoria, then a trike ride on home. A good night’s sleep and no issues today. Life is good!

Or so, at least, it seems. I’m not in Biden territory quite yet, but I’m making strides in that direction. My memory seems to be fading faster than my eyesight, but I can’t get glasses for my brain. I have to do a mental checklist whenever I leave the house–phone, vapes, wallet, darts–or else I’ll invariably get halfway down the street and have an, “Oh, shit”, moment. I’m notorious for bad grammar and punctuation, but these days, even shit I know, I get wrong. I’m thinking, “their”, but my brain tells my fingers to type “there”. As many mistakes as you readers see published here, you would be surprised to see all that I catch when I proofread. And obviously, all that I miss. But what happened yesterday really left me shaking my head.

When I do my solo hikes, I carry my headphones with me so I can listen to music along the way. About 1K into my walk, I reached up to my collar to hit the on-switch. Except it wasn’t there. I removed the headphones from around my neck to see what the problem was, only to discover that I wasn’t wearing headphones. At least I didn’t try to plug the USB charger cable into my ears. Geez.

Even with my impaired mental functioning, I still managed to pull this off:

Sunday has become to my default day to visit Cheap Charlies bar. I baked the brownies as a treat for the brown knees who work there. I saw a customer help himself to one, which kind of irked me a little, but then I realized I was being a petty jerk. The beer was cold, the company was friendly, the chatter inane. A typical night at the bar.

That was then, this is now. And by now I mean it’s Hash Monday. I’d put the Hare’s in the “sane” category, although last time they did include a climb that required a rope. We’ll see what’s in store, and you’ll likely hear about it here (at least I got the hear/here right) tomorrow.

Thanks for dropping in!

Holy hell, I feel like a new man. Almost as if I was born again. It’s a good feeling to roll the stone of illness away and arise as a healthy man. I’m not saying it’s a miracle, but at least I’m not stuck hanging around the house and feeling cross now. Having my freedom to move about resurrected is a blessing that has lifted my spirits. Praise the healing power of faith in the restoration of good health. Alright, I don’t mean to make it sound like a religious experience or anything. Can I get an Amen to that?

Speaking of resurrection, I just had a weird encounter with a ghost from Easter past. I’ve gotten in the habit of doing a quick search to make sure I’ve not used the title for a post previously. Originally, I was going to call this one “Holy Hell”, but I discovered that last May I did a post with that name. The search results also brought up a post from June 2005 I called “And so begins the task“. This is how it begins:

Some things in life just don’t turn out the way we had imagined or intended. And sometimes the consequences for actions and bad decisions are harsh. Hell, devastating. The past few weeks I’ve felt my life spinning out of control and I have felt powerless to do a thing about it. I’m a dreaming man, and dreams for me die hard.

So I have been incredibly sad. Full of regret and remorse and a fair amount of self-loathing.

But that doesn’t change a thing. I have to take responsibility for my mistakes, just as I also must take responsibility for my life, such as it is. I am powerless to change the past. And I can not live in the past.

I know I can be a bit melodramatic at times, but damn, it seems like I must have been going through some serious shit. Except for the life of me, I can’t remember what the hell was going on back then. I thought maybe it was the end of marriage number three, but the timing doesn’t seem right. I had only been in Korea for six months at that point. Things ended with Carol when she declined to join me in Seoul, as we had agreed, after daughter Hillary returned from deployment in Afghanistan. That would have been well after June 2005. No idea what was going on when I wrote that post.

The other thing that stands out is that I quoted Kevin Kim’s Easter meditation: put it down at length in my post. It remains one of my all-time favorites of his, and the coincidence of me coming across it on Easter Sunday sixteen years later is a little mind-boggling.

Since I and a few people I know are all going through a painful period, each of us for various reasons, I thought it might be good to write about “putting it down.”

In Zen Buddhism, the maxim is “don’t make anything.” Your mind is so often the source of your troubles. You choose to face the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune either negatively or positively. Often, at the beginning of a troublesome period in your life, it is difficult to realize how responsible you are for your own choices. It’s easier to shift blame to your surroundings. But ultimately, the healthiest route out of the forest of troubles is to start by looking in a mirror. Behold what’s actually there; don’t needlessly manufacture problems for yourself and others.

I’m not a scriptural literalist, so I don’t believe Jesus rose from the dead. But the story of the passion and resurrection nevertheless holds power for me, because it’s a story about a man who put everything down, including his own life, for the sake of love. How many of us can claim to be ready and willing to do something like that? Not many, I suspect.

Most of us, like little children, cling desperately to our cherished notions, preconceptions, and delusions, unwilling to countenance truth and change. We face the world with fear, and create clever rationales for our spiritual cowardice. In a crisis period, this instinct intensifies. The ego swells to enormous size– everything is about getting hurt, everything is about me, me, me. The world doesn’t understand my pain, and only I am in pain!

I’ve felt like that before. I’ve looked out at a street full of people and wondered why they didn’t see my agony, which was plain as day to me. The world kept right on turning, resisting my egocentric interpretation of it.

And there’s a lesson in that. Life is change, ceaseless change. All we have is this moment. If we try to keep the past with us, we merely create more suffering for ourselves. If we try to hold on to our anger, or our hurt, or whatever it is we’re feeling, we poison ourselves.

It’s better simply to put it all down.

I must have taken Kevin’s words of wisdom to heart–I’ve put whatever it was that was troubling me back then so far down I don’t even remember what it was!

I did go back and look at some of my other posts from that timeframe looking for a clue and didn’t find one. But I did discover this:

In my personal life I am just filling time these days. Last night, my Air Force buddy, Jeff, called and interrupted a game of CIV so we could meet at Caroline’s for a couple of beers. We wound up playing darts. I can’t remember the last time I’ve tried to hit a dart board, but it has probably been over 20 years ago. I assumed my darts would be worse than my pool, but surprisingly I played pretty well. Not well enough to win (Jeff is really good), but most of the time it came down to who got the last bullseye first. I really enjoyed myself and I’m thinking with some practice I might actually be a decent player.

So, there you have it. I began my darts “career” on June 16, 2005. What a life!

Enough with the past, the future is now! Since I was feeling better by yesterday afternoon, and noting that my fever had be gone for 36 hours, I deemed it safe for me to venture out of the house for some, um, exercise. I took it easy on myself and did the short walk to Baloy Beach. Then I saw the floating bar and thought “why not?”. I told myself I would make sure to practice social distancing, just in case. And that’s just what I did!

It was late in the afternoon on a Saturday and the floater was in full swing. I secured a seat at the far end of the bar and safely observed the goings-on. The first thing I noticed was the crowd was not the usual locals I’m used to seeing around. Quite a few of them were actually young looking (yeah, that stands out in a community of retired fuckers) and it appeared they had brought their own womenfolk with them, much to the chagrin of the local bargirls present, no doubt.

Turns out the other guests on the floating bar had come up from Angeles City, which is currently on full lockdown. That means no bars or restaurants are open at all. I’m hearing reports from around town that it was a booming weekend for the Barretto bars as those with the means made their escape from AC. Good for them!

I wasn’t going to push my luck (or anyone else’s) so I confined myself to my seat in the open air floater. I don’t think it gets much safer than that. Had myself some beers and did what I do best–watched the sun go down.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I woke up feeling healthy and refreshed. I figured the best way to celebrate was a nice morning walk. Wanna join me?

Thanks for coming along. Its nice to feel normal again. Not like this guy:

My calendar promised me that I was going to have a good Friday. It hasn’t turned out that way. I have actually slept more than I’ve been awake today. And even after the naps, I don’t feel refreshed at all. I’ve been complaining about low energy levels for several days now, but I’ve never experienced anything like this before. Even if I wanted to go out tonight, and I don’t–that would be irresponsible, I honestly don’t think I could make the ten-minute walk to the nearest bar. I expect I’ll remain homebound at least until I can start feeling asymptomatic. I really, really hope that will happen sometime over the weekend, but perhaps I’m being overly optimistic. We’ll see.

As I mentioned in the comments to an earlier post, my fever has at least dropped back to the normal range. I’ve checked it several times today, and although it fluctuates some, it has not risen above 37.5 (it’s 37.1 as I write this). Other than the lethargy and some light-headedness, the other warning signs of COVID still don’t seem to be in evidence. Well, I’ve had a cough, albeit a wet one, and that’s pretty normal for me with my damaged lungs. So, I don’t think I have a lot to worry about, but I need to be cautious so as not to spread whatever this is to innocent bystanders.

And for the record, there are places I can go to get a quick and easy COVID-test. My fear remains, however, that a positive test result would create a shit storm of contact tracing and my potential confinement in a quarantine facility. That’s a nightmare I don’t want to endure. I’ll get through this at home.

I already miss the great outdoors!

I’d hate to miss Monday’s Hash and break my consecutive hikes streak. Even in the best case scenario, I just don’t see me climbing Easter mountain though. Hopefully, I can do my own trail out to the On-Home, which would keep my record intact. We’ll see.

Back in the “good ol’ days”, like last night, I’d be looking forward to some beers in one of my favorite venues. I did the newest bar in town yesterday, and this is an actual text message exchange I had:

You out?

Yes.

Where are you?

It doesn’t matter.

Okay, fine. Be that way!

And yes, I did point out to the owner that he’s missing an apostrophe. Heh! A bar with bad punctuation. I should fit right in!

It’s funny and sad I guess. We take our normal routines for granted until something happens and everything changes. Still, I expect this is only gonna be a short term setback. Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone… Right, Joni Mitchell?

I woke up feeling so special today. Not sure what’s up with that.

First things first–YES, COMMENTS ARE ALLOWED AND WELCOME HERE! Don’t let WordPress or whatever is responsible for saying otherwise dissuade you. I heard from a regular commenter this week that my platform rejected his comment. As of yesterday, he was able to comment again. I turned off one of my spam filters and added the “s” to my HTTP address, and hoped that would resolve future issues. But today I got this email:

I tried to comment, but there isn’t the verification of reading skills anymore and I got an error saying spam blocked. Anywho, I was going to say that there are probably few that like to pay for sex (even though this is what marriage often is), but that it sounded like you had found a win-win situation. Set boundaries, reinforce them, and be prepared to walk away if she gets crazy. QP1973

Thanks, QP. All I can ask is that you try again. And for anyone else experiencing this problem, please shoot me an email (lngtimegne@aol.com) and let me know. I’ll try and get to the bottom of what is going on.

Not a whole lot else happening around here. Did the group hike yesterday and intentionally asked for a hard climb, just to see how my body would respond. Not well, as it turns out. Just don’t seem to have the lung capacity required to get me to the top without difficulty. That doesn’t bode well for Monday’s Easter mountain hike. We’ll see, I haven’t given up hope quite yet.

I didn’t do darts last night, instead choosing to drink my daily beer ration on the back deck of the Palm Tree resort hotel.

Yeah, I’m funny when you’re drunk.

I apologize for the emptiness of this post. I had good intentions, but they day got away from me before I knew it. Started this morning when once again, I had to take a nap BEFORE my daily walk. Then another nap when I got back. And one more nap before I sat down to write this post. And now I have business in town. So, I’ll do a better job posting tomorrow. Or try to anyway.

I really need to get my shit together, that’s for sure.

I honestly have no idea what ails me, but I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. Yeah, whatever it was, or is, is back. The worst aspect of my condition is that I just don’t have any energy. This morning I had to do an abbreviated dog walk, came back home, then took a nap. I was up for an hour or so, then went upstairs and slept some more. Woke up, checked the computer, then decided to watch some TV. I fell asleep on the couch. That’s not like me at all and I hope I get over this lethargy soon. I need to walk!

Speaking of which, I did manage to get my Friday group hike in yesterday. Only four of us altogether, and Troy took the lead. He’s the Hare on Monday so we did part of his trail in reverse. I think we did around 7K, but by the time we got back to Alta Vista, I was whupped. I didn’t even have the energy to hoof it over to Cheap Charlies, so I invited the group to my place for beers and chicken nuggets. It was a good finish to the hike.

Last night I headed over to Alley Cats to play in the dart tourney. Once I arrived, I just wasn’t feeling it somehow. Not sure if that is a manifestation of my illness or something else. Finished my beer and left. I don’t think I’m going to play tonight either. Just not motivated.

I did, of course, enjoy me some Friday night beverages. Cheap Charlies to start, then over to Palm Tree, Went next door to Mango’s, and brought home some roast chicken for dinner. In bed before 9:00 as usual, but I slept poorly–a 59 sleep score on my Fitbit. I’m usually in the high 70s.

Anyway, it’s bound to get better one day soon.

Resting in place, that’s about all I’ve been doing these past couple of days. I’m a wuss when it comes to being sick, so I reckon I should just be thankful that whatever it is that ails me is relatively minor. My temperature this morning was back down to the normal (for me) 36.4. The cough is also diminishing in frequency. The two main symptoms that remain are some body aches (shoulders and arms) and a lack of energy that leaves me feeling lethargic. Aspirin works for the pain and I have an excuse for being lazy–win-win!

So, based on my reasoned self-diagnosis, I’ve decided to participate in today’s Hash. At least as best as I am able. I’ve got a streak of 71 consecutive runs, currently the best in the pack, and I’m loathe to break that string. Well, at least until I can get on a fucking airplane again. Anyway, I’ll be prepared to shortcut/bail as necessary. Leech My Nuggets is the Hare and the On-Home is at his newly constructed house which just happens to be on the next street over from me. I won’t have any trouble getting home tonight!

Just how boring has my self-quarantine been? Well, I watched TV for the first time since being locked down last year. Okay, technically I watched TV shows, but I did so on my laptop. Yep, a 53-inch smart TV in the living room, and I was too damn lazy to move my sorry ass in there to watch on the big screen. Hey, I blame whatever it is that ails me. So, I went old school and watched some Alfred Hitchcock Presents and a couple of episodes from One Step Beyond. I’m so old I remember those series from when they were on the air. Both shows have held up pretty well I reckon, and it was cool to see the world from a late 50s perspective. And they were free on YouTube, although the frequent 5-second ads were annoying. It was a pleasant enough way to fill the time when I wasn’t napping, though.

A commenter on yesterday’s post, Kevin Kim, inadvertently reminded me of another of my unmet Facebook friends. I’ve not written about Bherna previously. We chatted for a while, and like the others, she was keen on setting up an in-person meeting.

We never did wind up getting together. Turns out she was just a little too honest. Why might that be a problem? Well, she let me know that she was a girl with something extra. That something being a penis. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t judge a person based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. But I’m a pussy bigot, it’s all I like, and all I want. In an effort to change my mind, Bherna sent me a video clip of her eating a banana. She does appear to be talented, but not enough to tempt me. Reminds me of the story about a guy who was dating a bakla (ladyboy). His friend asked him, “what makes you think she is a real girl?” He answered, “I can feel it inside of me”. Ouch!

That’s all I’ve got for today. Assuming I survive the Hash I’ll be back with more of this nothingness tomorrow.

Not to be confused with a roll in the hay. But I had one of those too. So, here’s the ups and downs, ins and outs, and the lowdown for the past 24 hours.

I changed my mind at the last minute and played in the Alley Cats darts tourney. Another big turnout which makes for a long night. Me and my partner made it to the finals but could not overcome the superior dart throwing of Billy and Nancy. No shame in second place though!

Max, one of the guys in our hiking groups and a fellow Hasher, didn’t join us yesterday. He reports having a cough, a fever, and generally feeling like shit. Given those symptoms, he has wisely chosen to self-quarantine for a while. Did I mention he was also in Angeles City last weekend? And that he rode with me in the car getting there and back? In what I’m sure is totally unrelated news, our hotel in AC was being used to house quarantined passengers arriving at the airport. Of course, we didn’t know this until we saw suspiciously placed chairs outside room doors where meals in Styrofoam containers were placed each morning and evening.

Just checked my temperature–36.4. No other symptoms except lethargy, but that’s not unusual for an old geezer like me. 17,000+ steps so far today. Let’s hope I’m just spreading good cheer!

So, I met Joy today. She seems very sweet, actually. Sexy too. She claims to have never eaten a burrito before and said she enjoyed the one I made for her. It might be true, she wanted to take home some leftovers to share with the family. Gave her some cash after we ate, but she still wanted to come upstairs with me. She’s a cuddly thing, and I like that. We got down to business, and being the gentleman that I am, I finished quickly so she could head back home. She seemed disappointed and had an “already?” look about her. No idea what’s up with that. She expressed some interest in getting together again sometime prior to her daughter’s birthday on April 1. I was non-committal, but I’d probably be willing to give her another go.

Oddly enough, I didn’t feel guilty at all. We both got what we came for. More or less. Today I received yet another unsolicited entreaty from another FB “friend” I’ve never met. So far the desire to respond is non-existent. Guess I am feeling satisfied.

Yesterday’s walking group hike went fine for the most part. Troy led us on a surprisingly difficult trail with two ups, and the first was a long-ass climb. Apparently, he’s scouting some possibilities for the trail he is gonna Hare soon. As seems to be the norm on our hikes, we lost the trail at one point and had to blaze our way down a steep hill. It was tough going, and about halfway down I lost my footing and took a pretty big tumble. I don’t recall ever having my hat and glasses come flying off during a fall. Luckily, I found both items in the grass and leaves. No injuries either, but it is that kind of crash that I fear when I hike alone. Anyway, I lived to write this post. You’re welcome!

The Hare (Vienna Sausage/Guenter) for our Easter trail is gearing up for that hike and posted this heads up today:

If you want to see some photos from our Wednesday hike, here they are:

Yesterday was my day off, or at least the one day of the week when I change up my regular routines for a different routine. Don’t worry, it’s nothing to get excited about.

Went to the Royal supermarket and as usual, they didn’t have everything I wanted, but I got what I needed.

Came home, took a nap, blogged, had a shower, and headed out.

Hoofed it over to the vape shop and picked up some supplies I’ve been needing.

Found “mama”, the homeless woman I help feed, resting on the street under her umbrella. I had missed her the day before so she was happier than usual to see me.

Found my way to Alley Cats and settled into my usual seat and waited for the dart tournament to commence. I drew a weak partner but we did our best. We avoided being the dreaded “first out” of the tourney, but we failed to make it into the money round. Oh well, that’s the way it goes sometimes.

I ordered up some take-out for delivery from Sit-n-Bull (chicken wings, chicken fingers, and Shanghai lumpia) and of course, shared it with the girls. They seemed to appreciate it. Bought some lady drinks too which pushed my bar tab into the $30. range. It’s good to splurge sometimes I suppose.

Caught a trike home, had a bowl of rocky road ice cream, and was in bed a bit before 9 p.m. What a life, huh?

Well, actually as I sat in the bar last night I got to thinking. Turns out I’m happy to be here. It’s not the life I thought I would have but overall it’s a good one. I have people I hang with, I’m part of the community, I have things to do that fill the hours. I think I’m finally beginning to accept and appreciate what I do have and not dwell so much on what I’ve lost. In fact, a couple of my friends in “love” relationships expressed that they envy my life of tranquility; free from the wrath of an angry or jealous Filipina. Maybe so. I know I’m glad I avoided the nightmare that would have ensued if a couple of the gals who professed to love me last year had got their way. No, I’m not so much smart as I am lucky.

What I want to avoid is the looking back in regret thing. As I sat there looking around the bar last night I realized that should I ever be compelled to leave I would really miss my life here. That’s why I want to focus on appreciating it in the here and now.

When I think back on my Korea life I realize I was too wrapped up in the baggage of my heartbreak to embrace the blessings that filled my life there. I look at photos from my year in Pyeongtaek and it all looks so wonderful now. And yet I was miserable or at least thought I was, and couldn’t wait to leave. Last night was a reminder to not allow myself to make that mistake again.

On the flip side of that coin, perhaps I’ve been idealizing my life with Jee Yeun. I was comfortable with the choices I made and was committed to making that marriage work. I thought it was a good life. But for reasons I will never understand, Jee Yeun wasn’t happy and threw it all away. Now we’ve been apart almost as long as we were together and I guess even if I don’t have peace of mind, I’ve gained perspective. I was fat, lazy, and likely headed towards an early grave. I’m healthier now and my life is certainly more interesting. Yeah, I miss the love, but what did that get me other than a broken heart?

Sorry for this detour into my jumbled brain. Bottom line is that I’m mostly looking forward, not back now. I try and appreciate each day for what it is and I’m happy for the life I have here. Maybe at the ripe old age of 65, I’m finally starting to get it right.

Let’s move on now, shall we?

And let’s cleanse the palate with this gem:

Well, it’s all good here with me. Good enough anyway. Back tomorrow with some hiking pics. Much nicer than seeing what’s in my head!

“There’s no time to lose,” I heard her say
“Catch your dreams before they slip away
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind
Ain’t life unkind?”

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I’m gonna miss you