So, about the Hash yesterday. The Hare, Anal Receptive, provided two options:
It should come as no surprise which trail I chose to hike.
If that view looks familiar, it’s because this portion of the Hash trail was the same route we hiked on Friday, just in the opposite direction.
The fun continued at the after-Hash gathering at It Doesn’t Matter. Then we were homeward bound. And yes, I had someone to share my bed last night.
Some commenters have asked for some background on what happened with Swan. I don’t want to invade her privacy (more than I already have), so I’ll just say this about it: We had an argument on Saturday night over something stupid that had nothing to do with our relationship. Basically, an asshole we both know came into the bar we were at, and that triggered my hate reaction. We were leaving anyway, but on the trike ride home, I began venting about the asshole. Swan told me to calm down and forget about him. I took that as her defending the asshole, and I guess I raised my voice to a higher level. Okay, maybe I was shouting. We arrived home, and she wouldn’t talk to me. I sat stewing on the front porch when Swan came out of the house and started walking down the street. I repeatedly called out to her to come back home, and she ignored me. A few minutes after she had turned the corner and disappeared, I got a message from her to keep the door open so she could pack some clothes. When she got back home, I tried again to get her to stay and talk about it, but she didn’t respond. A few minutes later, she walked off wearing her backpack. And then I got a message saying, “it’s over.”
Okay, obviously, I was the culprit in this situation. I shouldn’t have lost my temper over something that is not important–the asshole isn’t worth it. But I also thought Swan’s reaction was over the top. I just couldn’t understand why she would end a three-year relationship because of this incident. So, it made me wonder if she was just looking for an excuse to leave me. That hurt, but on the other hand, I love her, and if she is not happy with me, she should move on with her life. And that’s where things stood while I tried to figure out what my future alone would look like. Would I stay in Barretto, or move somewhere else and start over? One thing I knew for sure was that Swan would be my last love in this lifetime. I don’t know how long I have left, but I’ll be with her, or I’ll be loveless.
We had a long talk about the situation on Sunday. At first, Swan suggested she move to the basement and continue to be my caregiver. I told her having my ex living downstairs wouldn’t work for me, and I’d be better off alone. I told her I hadn’t yet decided whether I’d be staying here or going, but she didn’t need to worry about me regardless. I told her that her overreaction to the argument made me believe she wasn’t committed to the relationship. Swan said I had yelled and cursed at her in a loud voice. Then she told me that she had been traumatized growing up by the screaming matches her parents engaged in. And that’s why she walked away from me that night. She needed to clear her head. My reaction to her leaving didn’t help.
And then we decided to try again. Knowing what I know now about her past, I will try to keep my temper in check and not raise my voice at her. And if she walks away, I’ll give her the space she needs to deal with her feelings. She assures me that her love for me is unchanged, and she doesn’t want to leave me. And that’s where things stand.
“Like attracts like. Just be who you are, calm and clear and bright. Automatically, as we shine who we are, asking ourselves every minute is this what I really want to do, doing it only when we answer yes, automatically that turns away those who have nothing to learn from who we are,and attracts those who do, and from whom we have to learn, as well.”
― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah
Today is my mother’s birthday. She died fifteen years ago, but you never forget the lifetime of love.
On to August 2020 in the LTG archives, and I’m enjoying sharing time with Ilene. She is a very special woman, probably out of my league, or maybe we just had different destinies to pursue. Ilene is happily married these days, and we have no contact, but I’m glad she found what she was looking for. I’ve managed to hold on to Swan, and I hope she’s around for the rest of my life.
For today’s YouTube video, I’ve come across a vlogger who seems to specialize in having random Filipinas show them where they live. It’s different and kind of interesting to see the living conditions of common folk. I’ve watched a couple of these now, and he has a weird editing quirk where you see the first minute or so, and then it goes back to the start. It’s a little irritating, but it’s only 8 minutes long; the blip only happens in the beginning. I’m actually curious how he meets the gals and why they agree. He says it’s spontaneous, but my spider sense says he may pay them for their time.
Hmm, fucker doesn’t allow embedding. Here’s the link. I’ll never share one of his videos again.
To the humor, then.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking with it. Whatever the future brings, I’ll make the best of it.
