Hopefully, that’s all I’ve been spreading lately. I was surprised when a vehicle and driver I didn’t recognize pulled up in front of the house to take me grocery shopping yesterday. I found out later that my regular driver, Danny, isn’t feeling well. With Linda’s recently reported illness, that means everyone in the car on the trip to Angeles City has been under the weather. I can’t speak for the others, but I still don’t believe my ailment is COVID-related. Perhaps I’m being willfully ignorant in that regard, but I don’t think so based on what I’ve read. And I’m not even tempted to get a test, the accuracy of which is at best suspect.
So then, my big news from yesterday was the second physical meeting with Joy, my new friend with benefits. We’ve been chatting on a daily basis and that’s gone reasonably well. Joy has hinted around at some things I’m not comfortable with, but backs down right away when I reject her overtures. For example, she asked a few days ago if she could spend the night with me. I told her no, I was not interested in that kind of relationship. She played it off like she was teasing, and that’s fine. She seems to have got the message that whatever this is, it is never going to be more than this.
Anyway, Joy arrived at the appointed hour. I had promised her some lunch, so I asked her if she would like to eat my balls? She said she would later, but now could she have lunch please? Yeah, that really happened. She laughed when I put a bowl of meatballs in front of her. I have noticed, generally speaking, that for a purported “English-speaking” country, the level and quality of spoken English can be disappointing. I’ve noted that Joy and I often don’t understand each other, which can be a little frustrating. Says the man who speaks almost no Tagalog.
After lunch, we went upstairs. Joy offered me a massage and I, of course, accepted. She did a decent job for someone without training. When the massage was completed, she removed her clothes and laid down next to my naked body. And then nature took its course, and I must say, we synched very nicely and had a mutually enjoyable session of lovemaking. Well, it wasn’t about “love”, but you know what I mean.
Once the deed was done, we got dressed and came back downstairs and had a beer. I gave her the standard fee of 3000 pesos, then gave her an additional 2000 so she could have a nice birthday party for her daughter later this week. She seemed genuinely moved and gave me a big hug. We finished our beers and then she left to go home.
So, what is my assessment of our most recent encounter? As I mentioned, the sex was good. Better than good, actually, and I think part of that is because it wasn’t strictly a “pay for play” proposition. Also, after a month or so of low-intensity chats, we at least have a nice comfort level with one another. In that sense at least, my friend with benefits strategy paid off. I got some sexual satisfaction and Joy got the rent paid and money for her daughter. Win-win, right? Well, honestly, not quite. I mean, I have no complaints and it felt good to know that I’ve brought some, er, joy into Joy’s life. Still, truth be told it still feels a little hollow and meaningless. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but my almost perfectly executed strategy still leaves me unfulfilled. On the other hand, I’m not dealing with all the baggage that comes with having a girlfriend, so maybe I should just count my blessings and move on. It is what it is.
*Hat tip to commenter Bob for suggesting the title for today’s post.
Well, as long as you and Joy have an understanding, and that understanding involves cash flow to/for her, I guess y’all’re good to go. And who knows? If things get comfortable enough, maybe a friendship will form.
This might sound like a non sequitur, but bear with me. I’ve seen some documentaries about how things are in the porn community. The actors and actresses all know each other, and given the sexually frank nature of the business, there’s thankfully very little bullshit. You can’t get much more intimate than sexual interaction, after all, so what’s left to hide behind? In other words, when sex is front and center, and when it’s also tied to business, it’s actually possible to be more sincere with a sex partner. This doesn’t guarantee the blossoming of a loving relationship, but with everyone so up-front, there’s a certain comfort that comes with knowing there’s no room to hide anything. I almost envied the porn actors I saw in those documentaries; they seemed so relaxed and frank—laughing and joking and lazing around with each other. I can’t imagine myself ever living such a life, but it must be nice to have things out in the open, so to speak, and not have to worry about being stabbed in the back (unless the director needs you to do an ass-fucking scene, I guess).
So maybe you can carve out a friendship with Joy that’s somewhere along those lines. Much depends, of course, on whether you and she can be honest about what you want without getting greedy and suddenly wanting/demanding more. Personally, I’m still cautious about what Joy represents, and I can’t shake a familiar sense of foreboding, but part of me remains hopeful—like Charlie Brown running at that football—that this time, things might be different.
Yes, it is definitely a day-by-day thing with Joy. I’m always on the lookout for red flags and I don’t hesitate to rein her in when she talks or acts in a manner beyond the scope of our arrangement. That’s going to be the real test I think–I plan to see her once or twice a month, she’s going to probably pressure me for more. The good thing though is I can and will walk away completely if her behavior warrants.
I like being compared to a porn star! I do get the analogy and in a way, it’s what I’ve been striving for–intimacy without emotional engagement. That’s probably just a pipe dream, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. It does occur to me that I’m one fucked up individual. I’ll need to look more into my motivations in a future post.
As always, I appreciate your insights. I’m definitely going to proceed with caution, but I do feel completely in control at this point. Famous last words?