Or maybe just a new pastime. I report, you decide. But before I get to that, here is how my lazy Tuesday went down:
As usual, I went to Royal for my weekly grocery shopping. I am happy to report that my tab was just a little over my $250. goal. I’d call that progress. $150 less than two weeks ago. That’s how much I’m saving without bringing my helpers along to fill the cart.
Back at home, I had to invoke Rule #1 again. This request was a bit more twisted than usual. A female Hasher, who is in a relationship with another Hasher, gave me her sad story and asked me for a “loan”. Seems her long-term boyfriend has put her on a budget and she can’t abide by that. Well, I sure as hell ain’t getting in the middle of that kind of domestic situation. And since she is in a relationship with someone I know, I can’t do my standard quid pro quo offer. I responded in my normal fashion to this type of request. Silence. I thought it was funny when I saw that an hour or so later she had deleted her message. Guess she was afraid I’d show it to the wrong person or something. Ah well, these are hard times for many but I’m working hard to lose my reputation as a sucker.
So, if I’m not a sucker, what does that make me? Here’s the latest weirdness to happen in my life. I’ve accepted several Facebook friend requests from women I’ve never previously met. The only connection we have is some mutual FB friends. A couple of them have been sending me messages since then asking me to meet them. For a while, I just ignored them. They persisted though, and I eventually sent some brief responses along the lines of “not today, busy”, “sorry, going out of town”, but they didn’t take the hint. It got me wondering about their motivation. Which led me to engage with Elley, just to see what her deal was.
Elley asked again to meet me. I asked her what she had in mind. She said I want to come see you at your house. I asked what she wanted to do. She said just drink with you. I told her I don’t drink this early in the day. She responded, okay we just boom-boom (local parlance for having sex). Well, pervert that I am I told her that sounds good. She said she would hop in a trike and come right away. I told her I paid P3000 for short time and she was happy with that amount. I asked how old she was and she told me 20.
She came, so did I, and then she left. I gave her some cookies to give her kid. This morning she sent a message that she wanted to go hiking with me on Sunday and see the mountains. I didn’t respond. This afternoon she asked if she could come over with her cousin. I asked why and she said they were bored. I told her I was busy today. She is not my type to be honest, although I did appreciate the offer to go hiking. The sex was okay, but nothing special. This is probably a one-and-done situation for me and Elley.
This afternoon I had a long and surprisingly enjoyable chat with the other new FB friend, Joy. She is 31 with two kids and is also in financial distress. During the course of our conversation I invited her to lunch tomorrow and she accepted. I’m going to make burritos. I made it clear that I was not looking for a relationship, but that I hoped we could be “friends with benefits”. She was shy about the sex for money thing, but I explained it wasn’t really like that. She needed help that I could provide. The sex was simply her way of saying “thank you”. That concept seemed to ease her mind. I might actually enjoy spending time with this one. We shall see.
Am I taking advantage of these gals? Should I feel guilty about it? You know, they are free to accept or reject my offers. They want and need my help, they have something I want and need in return. Seems like a win-win to me. Tomorrow with Joy I am going to take the same approach I did with Maria. I’ll give her the money at lunchtime. She can stay with me or go if she wants. I actually don’t like paying for sex, but I’ll gladly accept some intimacy’s offered in gratitude for my “generosity”. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.
Ain’t life grand?
Sir, you say you don’t like to pay for sex, but all you do is pay for sex.
I read some of your posts and found you engaging(sex) with local women, and I can’t find a single woman who hasn’t received money from you.
Call it what you may, it’s prostitution.
If you are paying her, it’s not friends with benefits situation. The term is two consenting adults having a sexual relationship without momentary exchanges.
Given Maria’s case, it’s true that you’d not force Joy into having sex with you and she could potentially leave the house without benefiting you.
However, judging by what happened with Maria, these gals seem to always come back asking you for more pesos and when that happens you won’t be so generous to give her money upfront and her leaving so freely.
Are you taking advantage of these gals?
Yes, you are taking an active part in boomboom for pay dynamic in your neighborhood.
Should you feel guilty about it?
Not really, the way I see it the gals’re taking advantage of you also. They are constantly messaging you out of the blue and won’t stop until they get what they want (₱) or you block them. I’ve even read some waiting on your house.
They know what they’re doing; no one is either innocent or naive. It’s like what you say a win-win situation, but, prostitution.
I quite enjoyed reading your blog and may keep on visiting. So I hope you’re not offended by what I wrote.
I think commenter “six” is pretty much on the money. This harks back to comments made about “transactional” relationships.
I should note, too, that I made a mistake a while back when I casually agreed with you that marriage could be thought of as transactional. A loving relationship focuses on the giving, not the taking. It also focuses on the encouragement of personal growth in one’s partner, not in the mere enjoyment of the carnal. Marriage, or any truly loving relationship, is deep; prostitution, or any sort of merely carnal/transactional relationship, is superficial. This doesn’t make it evil, but surely you’re deeper than all this.
Are you that desperate for sex?
Six, thank you very much for your thoughtful comment. I really do appreciate your insights. I hope you will continue to read and comment here. I don’t really disagree with what you say, transactional sex can be considered prostitution, but I never ask a woman for sex directly–I wait until they offer. I’m not sure that makes much of a difference though. And it is not like I’m seeking these women out, they are finding me somehow.
Kev, I have done that marriage thing with disastrous results. I’m finished with love and all the baggage that comes with it. So yeah, superficial relationships are just fine with me these days. I’m not sure how “deep” I am, but these encounters are just a small part of my life–just something to do now and then. And no, I’m not desperate for sex at all. I like it though, and once a week or so is plenty. And when pretty young women are willing to make it available, who am I to say no?
I don’t see you taking advantage of anyone, you are just accepting that the girls have a market for their resource. Is it “good”? Probably not, but neither is being alone all the time. Marriage is essentially prostitution for many.
What is P3000 convert to, about $62?
QP, at current rates, yes. I just use 50 pesos to the dollar for easy conversion.
A man carries bricks on his back to earn a living, sometimes a woman lays on her back to make some money. I don’t see a difference. I’m not pretending to be a saint here, but if I say no to the sex offer, the rent goes unpaid. If I just give them money and get nothing in return, I’m a sucker. I still see this as a helping each other situation.
Wow. This post has some avid readers.
I would weigh in with my thoughts but I think that most points have been covered.
You have a reputation as a generous man. Of course, I am using that term generously. (if you don’t mind the tautology). Some may see that as a weakness in you, yet others see that as a strength of character. Obviously you have given this a great deal of thought and you have written extensively on the moral aspects of what you are doing.
This is one of those situations that will never get resolved no matter how many times you think about it. It is purely an emotional response paired with a physical urge that vexes your very soul. There is nothing to do but agonize and analyze your actions each time you receive these messages, and you make each decision. It does not get easier; but at some point patterns start to emerge and you’ll notice some regularity. The gals have surely noticed the patterns and know where to send their messages when they need financial assistance.
For better or for worse, you are a well-known individual in your area. But to break your bubble, you have surely noticed that you are in no way unique in this situation as you can attest from some of your other expat friends you socialize with. The only difference is the response that each of you displays..
To be fair, every day on your walks you see and hear things that break your heart. And then you see other things that bring you hope. The fact that you have taken it up upon yourself to do something about this situation is a true testament of your character and it is something that you cannot deny or unlearn. I would even go as far as saying that is the essence of humanity.
Thanks for the writing as usual.
As an avid reader I can’t count how many women were mentioned here…I wished their names are hidden by saying Lady #1…Lady #2..Lady #3……Lady# 69…lol…
James, thank you for the kind words and your support. When I die I hope you’ll write my obituary! Hopefully, that won’t be any time soon. You are right, though. The situation is what it is, existed long before I arrived, and will continue after I am gone. I’m just finding my comfort level and making the best of it.
BW, a long way to go to get to #69, but I’m looking forward to it!