On and on it goes, where it stops nobody knows. Yesterday’s Hash adventure was pretty tame, at least the way I did it. It rained most of the morning, and there was an announcement that the planned Hash trail was cancelled and that we’d be meeting up at Barretto High School for a street walk instead. Not long after that, another notice was posted saying disregard the previous notice; the Hash trail would commence as originally planned. I guess the Hares changed their mind. I didn’t, though. My group met up with Pubic Head at Barretto High School and did an unchallenging street walk. From what I heard from those who did the real trail, it was a wet and muddy mess. So, no regrets about my choice.

At the conclusion of the Hash Circle, it was off to It Doesn’t Matter for some after-Hash debauchery before making my way back home for a good night’s sleep.

Facebook memories for today:

From the July 2020 LTG archives, I was living in the moment. Jessa, the gal I’d been dating, messaged me asking, “Are you happy? Yes or no?” I responded by sending her the lyrics to that Jason Mraz song. I guess that scared her off. I always regretted not trying harder to make it work with her. Thanks for nothing, Jason!

In today’s YouTube video, the vlogger discusses the costs and benefits of living in Panglao, Bohol. I found it quite interesting because, if I had to move from Barretto, Panglao would be near the top of my list of options. They don’t have a Hash there, but otherwise I felt right at home.

Humor time:

And that’s all I’ve got for today. There’s another birthday party on tap today, this time at It Doesn’t Matter. Hey, any excuse for a cold beer will do!

Another Monday, another Hash. For the four hundredth time. Heh, it never gets old, even if I do. Yesterday I did things my way (again) because if I don’t like the Hare or the trail, I’m not going to bother with attempting it. That’s one of those lessons I learned early on in my Hashing career. It’s good to have options.

So, my trail yesterday was walking from my house to the On-Home at the house of Hasher Always Wet. Coincidentally, she lives at the far end of the My Bitch trail, so the route was a no-brainer. Now, the Bitch is only a little over 3K, which is short, even by my low standards. So, I skipped the Hash Circle and walked back into town for the after-Hash at It Doesn’t Matter. That gave me another 3K, which suited me just fine.

After enjoying some food, drinks, and camaraderie at IDM, it was time to bring another Hash Monday to a close. Keep ’em coming! Maybe I can join the elite 1000 run club someday.

In an odd coincidence, Facebook memories reminded me that six years ago I was awarded a Hash vest in recognition of my 100th run.

From the June 2020 LTG archives, I’m reminded of a dinner date at my place with Jessa, a gal I had been crushing on since meeting her in 2018. The date apparently went well, but obviously she wasn’t my future. I’ll have to keep delving into the archives to find out why. Stay tuned!

I forget why I thought today’s YouTube video was worthy of posting, but then, I’m lucky to remember anything these days. But yeah, names don’t stick in my mind for long lately. It’s weird because I’ll see a familiar face, but if it’s not where I met them, I have no clue as to who they are. I pass a person on the street who warmly greets me, “Hello, John!” and I smile and nod, thinking where do I know her from?

Now for the funny business:

Oh, before I go, commenter Terry advises that for those having trouble logging on, they should try making LTG a “trusted site.” With all the security add-ons I’ve done, it should be safe to do so. Thanks again, Terry, for the tip.

And that’s all for now.

So, I survived another Hash Monday, and this one included a climb to the Kalaklan Ridge. There is no easy way up, but the Hash trail took the least difficult path I know of to the top. Of course, once we reached the ridgeline, there was still more climbing to be done, just not as steep. It had been quite a while since the last time I’d done Kalaklan, and I’d almost forgotten how tiring the journey can be. Or maybe I’m just weaker and older these days. The escalation to elevation left me exhausted.

Of course, what goes up must come down, and I decided to stay on the trail as intended by the Hare. And the route he took was on a path we call “Motherfucker.” It earned that name because of how hard it is going up that way. Yesterday was a reminder that it is a motherfucker to go down as well. At least it wasn’t raining, but it was still steep and slippery. I had a couple of close calls but somehow managed to keep my feet all the way to the bottom.

And yes, I did take a shortcut. Once we were back on the street, there was a kilometer or so to go to reach our On-Home venue. I’d had enough by then, so grabbed a passing trike to take me the rest of the way. Yeah, I may be a pussy, but at least this time I skipped the easiest part of the hike.

Here are some photos from the journey:

And there you have the story of this week’s Hash.

From Facebook memories, that day in Poteau, Oklahoma, forty years ago, when my younger brother tied the knot.

From the April 2020 LTG archives, I’m still ranting and raving about shit, but I’m also out hiking. And on this day, Scott introduced me to the mountain mama, MJ “Gam-Gam”. Her ex left her with two half-American kids, but was at least still sending her support from the USA. When he died a year or so later, I took over the role of feeding his kids. It’s my main charity project these days.

Today’s YouTube video lists some of the cheaper places to live in the Philippines that still offer comfort and amenities. The only one I’ve personally visited is Davao, a city I found oppressive (vaping wasn’t permitted there). Anyway, I don’t expect I’m going to be leaving my chosen town. Except in an urn.

I post, you decide:

And on that note, we’ll call this post done.

Alright, just a quick wrap-up for yesterday’s Hash event, in which I participated as one of the Hares. As previously mentioned, I went out Monday morning to re-mark the trail after a rainstorm wiped out the hard work of marking we had done on Sunday. Oh, well, that’s the way it goes. The feedback I heard from the Hashers who did the trail was almost all positive. No one got lost, and some were surprised how long the trail was (a little over 7K). It was a hot day, which I’m sure made it feel longer.

I wasn’t on trail with the group, so here are a few photos Pubic Head took:

From the February 2020 LTG archives, it’s the last day of the month in a Leap Year. In many ways, it was just another day in the life. But it was also a reminder of how things change. I attended the now-defunct SOB dance competition and spent some quality time with its founder, the now-deceased Dave Fischer. Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone…

Today’s YouTube video discusses seven signs that your life is in its final year. I’ve not experienced any of these so far. Then again, I have to cross that damn National Highway every day, so it still could be just a matter of time.

Humor me:

That’s the way it went down yesterday. I’m glad to report I haven’t lost my Hare.

Alright, I need to make this quick, I’ve got a Hash to attend to. As I mentioned yesterday, I did the marking for today’s trail with my fellow Hares yesterday. And a couple of hours after we were done, there was a heavy rainstorm. Damn, I hate when that happens. So, this morning, Swan and I went back out to re-powder and re-chalk markers for the Hashers to follow. It’s a good thing we did because most of the powder had washed away. Pubic Head will greet the Hashers at the start and provide last-minute guidance. I’ll head out to the On-Home venue, Hasher Sully’s house, to be there as the Hashers arrive. On-On!

We did our usual Sunday evening out routine, starting at Red Bar.

Then the nightcap at Jumpin’ Jacks, which saw me get my ass kicked twice in pool. Hey, whatever fills the hours, right?

From the LTG February 2020 archives, I write about the worst Hash trail ever. These days, if Vienna Sausage is the Hare, I plan an alternative route before I start.

For today’s YouTube video, I offer you the chance to time-travel back to England for Anne Boleyn’s beheading. I don’t have time to go right now, but I hope you enjoy the trip.

Just some jokes before I go:

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and “do it” for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he’d like to buy: a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parent’s house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in.” The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, “I had no idea you were so religious.” The boy turns and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”

Sounds like bad medicine.

And now it is time for me to get back to today’s Hash business. The hard part is over, but there is some beer yet to be drunk.

I don’t know why, but here you go:

So, what did the harbor master say when a bad joke pulled into port? Pundaquit! They don’t get any worse than that, do they! Anyway, today is Swan’s birthday, and I’m gifting her with a couple of days on the beach in Pundaquit. Pulling out in about an hour, so let’s see if I can get this post over and done with.

So, about yesterday’s Hash. I shortcutted, but the part I skipped was the first 2K of a flat, boring street walk. The Hares (Leech My Nuggets and Anal Receptive) had a trail going through the hills that I’ve enjoyed in the past but hadn’t traversed in a long, long time. So, that’s the 4K I did, with Swan by my side, of course. We took a trike to where we started, and began hiking at 1:30 (the Hash begins at 2:00), adding even more to our head start. We both enjoyed the scenery, and after a moderately difficult climb in the beginning, we just meandered up and down until we reached the end of our journey. Here are some photos from along the way:

Anyway, I enjoyed the hilly adventure, even with the ups and downs.

Here’s a Facebook memory from 8 years ago:

It’s now December 2019 in my journey through the LTG archives. In this post, I celebrate my relationship with a 15-year-old. That would be a blog called Long Time Gone. What did you think I meant?

For today’s YouTube video, I’ll share another disaster story about a guy who elected to marry a bar girl. They ain’t all bad, but there is truth to the saying, “you can take a girl out of the bar, but you can’t take the bar out of the girl.”

And now for the humor:

Woo-hoo! I got this post done before my departure time. Now I’ll pack up the laptop and get ready to hit the road. I’ll update you tomorrow from San Antonio!

A sunny afternoon made for a pleasant Hash for the few who chose to participate. I was surprised to see only six Hashers gathered at the start of the trail. Seventeen showed up at the On-Home, so numbers are way down right now. Lots of the European expat community go back home during the rainy season, so that’s part of the reason for the low numbers. But it’s still a good time for those of us who can attend.

I accompanied the Hares for the trail marking, so I didn’t do the trail again in the afternoon. Instead, I walked from the starting point to the beer stop to greet the Hashers as they arrived. It was about a 30-minute walk, and I had to hustle to get there because I knew it wouldn’t take our marathoner, Fast And Loose, long to complete the first 5K of the Hash trail before the beer stop. I was correct in my assumption–it took her 34 minutes. Our beer stop was at a recently opened store/hangout in San Isidro owned by Hashers Smurf 69 and her hubby, Covid 69. Everyone who came by seemed to enjoy a cold beverage on the way to our On-Home at Kim’s Place in Baloy.

Here are some photos from our Hash day:

More after-Hash fun at It Doesn’t Matter, and then another Hash Monday came to an end. Keep ’em coming!

Meanwhile, in other news, there was a big earthquake down in Mindanao that caused some deaths and destruction yesterday.

You can see just how damn scary it must have been to have experienced this quake here:

From Facebook memories, a reminder of what I was doing on this day back in 2009:

It’s on to October 2019 in the LTG archives, and in this post, I talk about the Barretto bar scene, and one bar in particular, Cheap Charlies. This used to be one of my favorite hangouts back in the day, but now I only visit a couple of times a month. Things change, and so did I. All the gals I used to know there are long gone, and the lady drink prices (250 pesos) have been raised beyond my personal limit of 200 pesos. The former owner I mentioned, Graham, survived his stroke and, last I heard, is being cared for by family back in the UK.

I came across another vlogger who makes time-travel videos. I don’t think Clara is quite as fun to watch as the other one I posted (Emma), but you can watch and decide for yourself.

Try these on for size:

There was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She began to scream and yell, “You have given them twenty yearsof devoted service. Why did they fire you?”

“For twenty years I’ve wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer,” he explained, “and today I finally did it!”

The wife ran over and pulled his pants down to see what damage had been done. “You look okay,” she said with a sigh of relief. “So what happened to the pickle slicer?”

“Well,” he said with hesitation, “they fired her, too.”

Should have used a cucumber.

Another day, another post. I’m not ready to stop yet!

Swan (Cums Alone) is one of the Gash Hares for today’s Hash trail. It was her first time as a Hare, and I joined the group for their trail-scouting expedition yesterday. I was the only man to go. The weather is “supposed” to be dry today (there’s a light rain while I’m writing this), and so the gals decided to add some off-pavement time to their original plan. That’s basically doing most of the My Bitch trail before descending back down to Marian Hills. Then there will be a walk through the streets of San Isidro, back up into Alta Vista, then down Baloy Road to our On-Home at Kim’s Place. The trail came out to around 6.5K, and I deem it moderately easy, even by my low standards. I’ll be joining the gals for the trail marking this morning. This afternoon, I’ll be manning the beer stop at a Hasher’s new store in San Isidro. Let’s hope everything goes according to plan!

Our Sunday evening on-the-town started with ordering birria tacos from Myleen’s for delivery to Red Bar. After dinner and some beers, it was off to Jumpin’ Jacks for our nightcap.

Then it was time to call it a day, and we headed for home.

From the September 2019 LTG archives, I shared the story of my lifelong aversion to proper grammar, especially punctuation. Kevin Kim did his best to educate me, but after six years of trying and seeing little to no progress from me, he has finally given up on teaching this old dog new tricks.

Today’s YouTube video talks about a category where Filipinas are ranked at the top in the world. That would be women watching porn channels. Bless their hearts.

Humor time:

Okay, I’m back from the adventure with the Gash Hares this morning, marking the trail. I brought up the rear with the idea that I’d fill in any gaps that they may have missed marking. I often said it is better to overmark a trail than undermark it, but they laid it on so thick, and often today I began to wonder about that. Anyway, no one has any excuse to get lost out there. I’ll man the beer stop since I’ve already done the trail today.

So, technically, the bus was only drunk on the way home from our Out Station Hash in San Antonio/Pundaquit. Well, I mean the bus was sober going and coming, but the Hashers it carried had spent a lot more time than usual drinking after the trail and then had an ice chest full of beers to imbibe on the ride back to Barretto. Luckily, we didn’t run out of Hash songs to sing along the way.

And then a mere six hours after we arrived, it was time to stagger back to the bus for the ride home to Barretto.

But all good things must end. We made it back to It Doesn’t Matter alive, the owner, Luna, provided a free round of beer for the Hashers, and then I got in a trike for home while I still could.

In other news, today is the 15th anniversary of my father’s passing.

Speaking of memories, in the June 2019 LTG archives, I’m being overwhelmed by my sad ones during a return visit to Korea. How bad was it? I cut the trip short, and I’ve never been back. Sometimes you’ve just got to leave the past in the past.

In today’s YouTube video, the vlogger discusses reasons why people don’t like you. He makes some pretty good points about why you shouldn’t care. I’m not sure I can stop caring when people walk away, but I can learn to accept, forgive, and forget. At the end of the day, you can only be who you are. If people don’t like that person, there’s nothing you can do about it.

Maybe it’s my sense of humor:

Yeah, that’s enough lameness for one day. Come back tomorrow for more!

Here’s the after-action report for yesterday’s Hash run. Another hot day put me on the fence about doing a climb, but when it was time to shit or get off the pot, I didn’t give a shit and did my first hard uphill in a long while. And I made it, so I was pretty proud of myself. The trail itself was in an area I hadn’t traversed recently enough to remember, so it had a fresh feel about it. Sadly, the Hare didn’t mark the trail as well as he should have, which led to some misdirections and retreats. I grew increasingly frustrated and finally said “fuck it,” then found my own way back to the On-Home at It Doesn’t Matter. So, I pushed myself harder than usual, which is good; I liked the trail area, which is also good, but I was aggravated in the end, which is not so good. And that about sums it up.

Since we were already at It Doesn’t Matter, we didn’t have far to go for the after-Hash gathering. After some chicken wings and beers, it was time for me to call it a night, and that’s just what I did.

From the April 2019 LTG archives is another Hash post. This one is about my first time climbing Easter Mountain. It was a bitch. And once back on the flat ground, we got hit by an earthquake. Better there than up top, though, that’s for sure.

Today’s YouTube video is about the retirement regrets of oldsters. I don’t share them; I’m doing alright with my choices. Fuck, it won’t let me embed. Here’s the link.

Time for those dumb things:

Yeah, I’ll stop now. Doing something different this evening and it involves wearing slacks and a button-down shirt. Been a long time since I’ve dressed like that. I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

I heard from a relative in Memphis, Tennessee, this morning. She shared the photo below and a bit of McCrarey family history:

He died at age 48, thirteen years before I was born. As I recall, it was a heart attack that took him.

That was an unexpected journey down memory lane.

So, this is supposed to be a Hash post. Let’s get to it! Leech My Nuggets is one of my favorite Hares. He always lays a well-marked trail and graciously provides a shorter alternative for the “gimps,” as he calls us. I take no offense and appreciate the gesture. Both trails yesterday included a climb at the start (the long trail had another one in the middle). It’s been quite a while since I haven’t found some excuse to avoid doing the hills, but I went for it yesterday. I’d been up that way a couple of years ago, and I was really surprised that it was harder than I remembered. And then I realized that EVERYTHING is harder for me these days (well, except that thing in my pants). But I suffered my way through it and successfully completed the trail. I’ve got to keep pushing myself while I can because I know the day will come when I am unable to do this kind of hike, and I know I’m going to miss it.

To the photos then:

Keep the good times coming!

From the January 2019 LTG archives is another reminder of an event I would otherwise have forgotten forever. See, this blog does have some value. At least for me! It’s a pretty impressive tale of the lengths that I would go to in pursuit of true love. Failure doesn’t mean the effort wasn’t worth it. Damn, I had some balls back then.

Today’s YouTube video is a nice response to all the naysayers about life in the Philippines. Nope, life here is far from perfect, and for many, it is a struggle. But that’s true anywhere you go. The difference is the character of the Filipino people and their ability to overcome. As a first-time visitor here, that is what impressed me the most.

And now for the funny business:

And that’s all for now. Tuesday is darts day, but honestly, I’ve lost all desire to play. We’ll see if that changes in the next couple of hours. I do have four beers on my Alley Hideout beer card, so there’s some incentive, I suppose.

Greetings from La Paz beach in beautiful San Narciso, Zambales. Since this post is all that is standing between me and enjoying the ocean views I came here for, let me give you the down and dirty and we can all get on with the important stuff.

As the heat index chart above shows, it was a dangerous day yesterday to be out and about. It gave me a good excuse to avoid the hill climb on the Hash trail, but I did expand the 4.5K short trail to almost 6K. I was a sweaty mess and drank much more water than usual during the hike. Towards the end, I was feeling a little light-headed and worried I might have bitten off more than I could chew. But I made it alive, and now I can share some photos from the adventure.

As always, it’s good to be alive.

Speaking of being alive, eight years ago, I met up with Kevin Kim, and we hoofed it up to Seoul Tower at the top of Namsan.

Wrapping up November 2018 in the LTG archives with posts about some time I spent in the Makati neighborhood of Manila. I despise Manila, but if you gotta be there, Makati is the best place to be. Even so, there is plenty that isn’t so nice, like the streetwalkers who won’t leave you alone. Of course, I did some streetwalking while I was there, too.

Today’s YouTube video discusses how stupidity is demonstrated by the items you buy at the grocery store. Welp, there’s more than one way to be stupid, and I’ve pretty much got the bases covered.

Now for some stupid jokes:

That’s just about enough, don’t you think? I’ll have some fresh views to share tomorrow.

Yesterday’s Hash Run #1699 is in the books. A portion of the short trail happened to intersect with my chosen path (the My Bitch trail), so in that sense, I was On-On. From what I’ve seen, the long trail was an ass-kicker, including a climb to the Kalaklan Ridge and a steep and slippery descent. I noticed quite a few Hashers had dirt on their backsides from sliding down on their ass. Glad I missed out on that fun!

The trail began and ended at the Hare’s house (Tiny Cunt) located at the far end of Rizal Extension. That is my least favorite area to Hash because it is hard to access without a vehicle. My plan was to walk from my place to Tiny Cunt’s, then leave the Circle early and walk back to town. As it turned out, not far down the road, a trike dropped a passenger (many trikes can’t make it up the steep road, so they are hard to find), and we provided the driver a fare back to It Doesn’t Matter. I’d call that a win-win.

During the Hash Circle, Cums Alone was recognized for her 75th run with the Subic Bay Hash House Harriers.

A bigger than usual after-Hash gathering at IDM.

I declared it a “cheat night” and went to buy some ice cream. Swan started flirting with the trike drivers. Just kidding about that last part, but I did enjoy some ice cream for the first time in a week. And that’s how the Hash Monday went down.

Four years ago, I was the most popular (and only) customer at the Outback Billabong bar.

It’s June 2018 in the LTG archives, and the SBH3 Hash trail was so fun it had me in stitches. Fucking barbed wire. I’ve had some cuts, scratches, and bruises over the years, but luckily this only happened once.

Today’s YouTube video attempts to answer the question of whether expats are happier in Thailand or the Philippines. I think it does a pretty good job of citing the strengths of both countries, and it all comes down to what works best for you.

And now on with the funny stuff:

And now it is on with my Tuesday. I reckon there are some darts and beers in my future.

I made it through another Hash Monday alive, so I ain’t complaining. As usual, I did it my way. Started with a walk from my house to the start, then I picked up the Hare’s (Kermit the Frog) short trail from there. It began with a climb that was a lot harder than I remembered, or perhaps it was harder because I’m not as strong as I once was. Either way, I pushed myself and slowly made it to the top. I’ll call that a victory for the elderly!

And as usual, there was some after-Hash revelry at It Doesn’t Matter:

And so ended another day in the Hash.

It is now May 2018 in the LTG archives, and as I’m making final preparations for the big move to the PI, I look back on the other moves I’ve made in life. Moving from Arizona to Arkansas was *almost* as culturally challenging as the move from Virginia to Korea twenty years later. Living in Korea was life-changing. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Today’s YouTube video is one I could relate to: Fat Man Walking. I’m taking some drastic steps to change the equation. We’ll see soon how that works out for me.

And now for some more of what my twisted mind finds funny:

And there you have it, assuming “you” or anyone else is out there. I’ll likely keep plugging away regardless. I’m on a mission!

Things went fine on my personal Hash trail yesterday, other than it being a little bit boring. The Hare’s trail was 6K long, and mine was a tad over 7K, so you can’t accuse me of shortcutting. Of course, a Guenter trail has several climbs and descents and is much more challenging than my one-up, one-down route. The other “cripples” did a shorter and easier version of the Hare’s trail (most on the My Bitch route), but I just wasn’t feeling like going that way again. Anyway, it is what it is, and I have no regrets. There comes a time when you just embrace your limitations and go out and do what suits you best.

A few beers later, and it was time to call it a night. And so another Hash Monday was survived, and no falls this week.

Well, I’ve always known women have a monthly period, but now I see they have an annual monthly here in the Philippines.

Onward in the March 2018 LTG archives, with a post about my career’s final team-building excursion to the Byeonsan National Park way down south on the West Sea. Damn, it was one of the most beautiful places I’d seen for the first and last time in Korea. But what I miss most are the people I shared those memories with. Lots of photos in that post, so have a look if you are so inclined.

Today’s YouTube video features the tale of the vlogger who moved to the Philippines with a $2,000-a-month income and was broke in six months. Um, that’s what happens when you spend more than you earn. And his excuse about not thinking of pesos in terms of dollars is just about as ignorant. I use 50 pesos to the dollar, which makes calculating pretty easy. I tend to live large and spend large (2200 pesos at IDM last night is a good example), but I have a budget three times the size of his. Even so, I find clean, comfortable hotel rooms for half the price he was paying. You can get by on two grand a month here, but you have to be smart about it.

Let’s move on to the humor. Sometimes, real life can be funnier than a joke. Especially if you are stupid:

You really can’t make this stuff up. Some of these moments are so unbelievable, they sound like jokes—but they actually happened.

1. The McNugget Mystery

Recently I stopped by McDonald’s and noticed the menu offered Chicken McNuggets in orders of 6, 9, or 12.

So I said to the teenager at the counter, “I’d like a half-dozen nuggets.”

She looked at me and replied, “We don’t have half-dozen nuggets.”

“You don’t?” I asked.

“No,” she said seriously. “We only have six, nine, or twelve.”

I blinked. “So… I can’t order a half-dozen, but I can order six?”

“That’s right.”

I just shook my head and said, “Okay… I’ll take six nuggets.”

Unbelievable… but apparently true.

It reminded me of the same place where I once asked for sweetener for my coffee and was told, “We don’t have sweetener—only sugar or Splenda.”

2. The Checkout Divider

Another time I was checking out at Walmart with just a few items. The woman behind me placed her groceries right up against mine on the conveyor belt.

To keep them separate, I grabbed one of those little divider bars and placed it between our items.

After the cashier scanned everything I bought, she picked up the divider and started turning it over in her hands, searching for the barcode so she could scan it too.

After a moment she looked at me and asked, “Do you know how much this costs?”

I said, “Actually… I’ve changed my mind. I don’t think I’ll buy that today.”

She simply nodded. “Okay.”

I paid for my things and left. She never realized what had just happened.

But the woman behind me was trying very hard not to laugh.

3. Online Shopping… Sort Of

At work one day, I noticed a woman repeatedly sliding her credit card into the floppy-disk drive on her computer and quickly pulling it back out.

Confused, I asked what she was doing.

She replied, “I’m shopping online, and the website keeps asking for my credit card number. So I’m using the ATM thing on the computer.”

I didn’t even know what to say.

4. The Remote That Wouldn’t Work

One afternoon I saw a young woman standing beside her car, looking very upset and wiping away tears.

I asked if she needed help.

She explained, “I knew I should have replaced the battery in my remote door unlocker. Now it won’t work and I can’t get into my car. Do you think that store over there might have the right battery?”

I asked, “Does your car have an alarm system too?”

“No,” she said. “Just this remote.”

She handed me the remote and her car keys.

I simply took the key… put it in the door… and unlocked it.

Then I handed the keys back and said, “Why don’t you drive over there and check for the battery? It’s a long walk.”

5. The Photocopier Trick

Years ago we had an intern who wasn’t exactly the quickest thinker.

One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, “I’m almost out of typing paper. What should I do?”

The secretary replied, “Just use some paper from the photocopier.”

The intern nodded, took her last blank sheet of paper, placed it on the copier… and made five “copies” of it.

Five completely blank sheets.

6. The Emergency Call

A worried mother once called 911 because her young child had eaten some ants.

The dispatcher calmly told her, “Give him a little antihistamine medicine and he should be fine.”

The mother replied, “Oh… well, I already gave him some ant killer.”

The dispatcher paused for a moment and then said, “Ma’am, please take your child to the emergency room immediately.”

Sometimes real life is stranger—and funnier—than anything you could invent.

We’ll leave it at that for today. Thanks for dropping by. I really do appreciate my readers.

HaHa, I hadn’t heard this song in so long I’d forgotten it existed. But, damn, it seems more relevant than ever now. You listening, Iran?

So, about that Hash trail I did yesterday instead of the one the Hare worked so hard to prepare. I just wasn’t feeling up for the long, hard climb to the Kalaklan Ridge. Instead, I did the portion of last week’s long trail that I missed. It was the right call because my elevation gain was only about a third of what getting to the top of Kalaklan would have been, and I was pretty whacked when I finished my hill.

Then came the part of the trail going down where I fucked up and suffered my first Hash crash in years. It wasn’t even that steep, but I stepped on a loose rock, and it rolled under my foot like a roller skate, causing me to lose balance and come down hard on my right side. It hurt, but it would have been worse if I’d rolled over a cliff. Some scrapes and bruises on my leg and arm seemed to be the extent of the damage. Until I woke up this morning with a sharp pain in my lower back when I bend over or try to lift my leg. Just getting in and out of the car today for the grocery shopping was torturous. And I can’t remember the last time I had to sit down to put on my pants. Hopefully, this hurtin’ goes away soon.

Did the after-Hash gathering at It Doesn’t Matter, then we made our way home glad to still be among the living.

Speaking of which, Facebook memories today took me back twelve years, to when I was competing in a regional darts tournament in Augusta, Georgia.

It’s the 2018 New Year in the LTG archives, and in this post, I recount the adventure of my very first Hash. And now, I’ve completed 393 Hash Runs, making me #12 for the most in SBH3. I’ve had several Hash crashes over the years, including one that left me in stitches, but I’m still going. I get knocked down, but I get up again…

Today’s YouTube video explains the economic model of the ubiquitous and uniquely Filipino sari-sari store. I rarely patronize them myself, but they are everywhere, often several within one block. I don’t know how they make any money, but I guess the goal is to just make enough to open tomorrow.

Laugh until the pain goes away:

I’m gonna have to pass on darts today since I can’t bend over to pick up my bounce-outs. Oh, and you know what a week without ice cream got me? A one-pound weight GAIN. Oh well, I’m not ready to give up.

I’m here to report that I survived another Hash Monday. This one wasn’t all that difficult thanks to the Hare’s efforts at accommodation for the old, fat, and frail. Anal Receptive actually laid two trails, a 10K with three hills, and a mostly flat 4K trail. I’m sure y’all know which route I chose. I did add 1.6K to the effort by walking to the start from my house. Here’s some of what I saw along the way:

Some after-Hash time at It Doesn’t Matter, then I called it a day. Keep ’em coming!

From the November 2017 LTG archives, I’m offering up the unprecedented three-for: each post has a similar theme as I make my way out of the recent heartbreak I’d experienced. The Dating Game is about my online and real-time efforts. Who’s Your Daddy covers a night out on the town with my buddy Duke. And Keep the Customers Satisfied is about my exploits as an asshole. A gal named Joy is the common denominator in all three posts. I’d forgotten all about her until re-reading these posts. Let me say I’m sorry again, Joy.

And in another odd coincidence, today’s YouTube video is about the seven signs you are a stupid person. I’m smart enough to recognize that at least five of them apply to me.

At least I’m good for a laugh:

And that, my friends, is all he wrote. For today.

I might not be the same Hash hound that I once was, but this old dog still hunts for a way to make it through the trail each week. Some days that’s easier than others, but yesterday’s run didn’t exceed my limits. It was kind of the Hares to offer a mostly flat version of their trail so I could avoid climbing Black Rock without shortcutting. I still enjoy getting out and about, but I know my limits. We’ll see how long I last.

Some after-Hash imbibing at It Doesn’t Matter brought the day’s fun to its usual conclusion. Enjoy it while you can!

More high school memories courtesy of old Facebook posts. Once I thought myself a poet and penned these verses for my sweetheart:

The object of my affections:

It is now October 2017 in the LTG archives, and in this post, I announce that my time in Korea will end when my lease expires in May 2018. Work was the only positive thing in my life back then, and giving it up was a difficult decision. Looking back, I wonder if it was the right one. Then again, as commenter Brian pointed out, you can’t add time to the back end of your retirement. You live with your choices, and at least now the pain and depression I was experiencing then are gone.

Today’s YouTube video features Reekay educating folks on methods to access their money after moving to the Philippines. For my first few years, I relied almost exclusively on my ATM card to get cash. That’s an expensive method at 250 pesos a pop, but also the most convenient. But I’ve also maintained access to wire transfer services (I currently use Remitly and Wise) for paying my helpers and the rent. My credit card situation has been more frustrating, but the new one should hopefully be arriving soon. That’s my insurance money, should I need emergency medical care (private hospitals won’t admit without proof of ability to pay, and public hospitals are where you go to die).

And now for something a little more fun:

Okay, now it’s time for me to get in some dart practice. We’ll see if I can carry Friday’s winning performance forward. Only one way to find out.

The Hashers gathered at the Tropical Garden on Baloy Beach at 2 pm to kick off the Red Dress Hash Run. I’d never visited Tropical Garden before and had my first beer of the day there. It’s a nice place.

And that’s the way my first Red Dress Hash Run went down. The beers also went down. Seven (one at each stop on the bar crawl) before I got to the On-Home venue. Four more or so during the Hash Circle. And probably three beers at the after-Hash gathering. You can do the math, but that total exceeds my consumption limit. Especially when San Miguel Zero is no longer available. Suffice to say, by the time I got home, I was floored. Or so Swan says. I don’t remember a thing.

From the July 2017 LTG archives: I’m back in Korea after my visit to Barretto, reflecting on how I hope to be living after making the move. Two lines in that post that stood out:

“I am so glad that my future will not include being a lonely old man looking for love in all the wrong places.”

“As the prophet has said, man does not live by bars alone.”

Oh, well. The best laid plans don’t always turn out the way you intended.

In today’s YouTube video, the vlogger discusses how breaking the expat rules can lead to a better life. Well, I’d say to each his own, and some things depend on the lifestyle and location you prefer. I remember as a tourist here, I’d frequently get sick after a couple of days, and I suspected it was the water. These days, I still drink bottled water, but I cook and brush my teeth with tap water. I probably have acquired immunity by now. As for living with relatives, my new live-in housekeeper is Swan’s niece. I’ve agreed to allow her husband and two kids to join her in the basement (it’s a fully equipped, separate living area). I don’t expect there will be any problems with that. As for his other points, I’m following my own rules that work for me. So yeah, I live in a subdivision, but I can still hear the Philippines from here. I’ve not immersed myself in the local culture; I hang out with other expats and dine on the foods I like in nice restaurants. I can afford this lifestyle, and for the most part, I’m happy with it.

And now for today’s lame humor attempts:

And that’s all I’ve got for today.