A wet and wild Thursday, while the rain just keeps on keepin’ on. And the fun has just begun, as I understand yet another typhoon is headed this way.

Started out with more of my newest morning ritual of coffee with Swan at 0800. That’s always a pleasure, and yesterday was no exception.

When coffee time was over, I decided to take a walk and get a closer look.

I heard from the agent looking for a replacement tenant in my current digs that she has a couple of interested foreigners. One wants to know if I can move out sooner than October. I checked with my future landlord, who told me the house would be in move-in condition by September first. So, I passed that info along, and I’ll keep my fingers crossed that someone will move in when I move out.

Not much else to do on a rainy afternoon but sit around and wait for beer o’clock. Except instead of the bars, I had an invitation for dinner with Swan at her/our place. When she was ready for me, I made the ten-minute walk in the driving rain while the wind rendered my umbrella pretty much worthless.

It was a nice evening for the most part. I did fudge up early on when I played one of my favorite songs by the Alan Parsons Project, Time. It’s the song that I hope will be played at my funeral. My mistake was mentioning that fact to Swan. She got very upset, not in an angry way, but she was quite emotional as she told me not to say that or talk about such things. Yeah, it was insensitive of me given her recent loss to mention my future mortality. I turned the song off, and went back out on the patio. She came out later, asked if I was okay, and gave me a hug.

I don’t want to feel like I have to walk on eggshells around Swan, but I do need to learn to be more in tune with who she is and how she sees things. She’s got a good sense of humor but doesn’t like me using “bad words.” She is also not fond of sexual innuendos. I’m going to have to learn to do better in both regards. Swan tends to take some things too seriously, and I’m one who likes to kid around, so hopefully, we’ll reach an understanding on some middle ground. But like I told her, if those issues are our biggest problem, we are indeed blessed.

Time
Flowing like a river
Time
Beckoning me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river
To the sea

Goodbye my love
Maybe for forever
Goodbye my love
The tide waits for me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea
To the sea

Till it's gone forever
Gone forever
Gone forevermore

Goodbye my friend
Maybe for forever
Goodbye my friend
The stars wait for me
Who knows where we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea
To the sea

Till it's gone forever
Gone forever
Gone forevermore

Day four of wind and rain with no end in sight. That didn’t stop the Wednesday Walkers, though. Well, at least not the three of us who showed up. Scott needed to pick up some items at the Waltermart store anyway, so we made that the starting and ending point of our 6.5K wet day street walk.

It was good to be out and about, but days of continuous rainfall gets old quick. It didn’t stop raining last night either, but that didn’t stop me–I had work to do:

I also rang the bell, which means buying all the girls a drink. Hey, I was feeling rich after all that money I saved by not going out on Tuesday!

Anyway, I hadn’t seen my friends at Whiskey Girl in a while, so I popped in there after completing my mission at Hideaway.

And for the record, I’ve told all my bargirl friends that I’m now in a relationship. They all seem happy for me. Why wouldn’t they be? I’m still buying lady drinks, after all.

I did my nightcap at Snackbar.

It was interesting to be back out on the town after taking a night off. I guess I’m transitioning to a new way of life, but I don’t expect I’ll be letting go of the old one completely. It’s been said that variety is the spice of life, so maybe it’s time I get seasoned. And tonight, I’ll again join Swan for dinner at her/our place. And beers on the patio!

I’m a lucky man.

…then love the one you’re with. I was the DJ during my dinner date with Swan last night, and I played a lot of love songs, but not that particular Stephen Stills classic. That’s not the kind of love I’m hoping for.

The steaks were high but they were worth it.

The steaks had been marinating in the fridge, and knowing I wouldn’t be home for lunch or dinner, I fired up the grill after the dog walk and slapped on the meat. Tender and juicy! A nice start to the morning.

The grocery shopping went fine; this week’s total expenditure was “only” 13,000 pesos. Still a tad over budget, but way down from the 18,000 I spent last week.

Coming home from Royal on the National Highway I was witness to another example of the insanity demonstrated by Filipino drivers on a regular basis.

After we dropped off the groceries, my driver took Swan and I back to Olongapo to search for some hiking shoes at the SM Central Mall. As I expected, the rumor of a store selling my preferred brand, Merrells, was unfounded. I don’t buy Nike products, and Adidas didn’t have anything that seemed appropriate to my needs.

Oh, and I learned some more French: Succès de scandale! Althouse was blogging about how the low-rated Justin Aldean song, “Try That In A Small Town,” has skyrocketed to the top of the charts since the crybaby lefties tried to cancel it. Good stuff.

You might also find this vlogger YouTube video I came across where he interviews an Angeles City freelance prostitute interesting. I had mixed feelings about it, frankly. I do feel sorry for these gals that choose the oldest profession, but in almost every case I’ve seen, it’s the only viable choice and best opportunity they have to earn a living. When the do-gooders come in and shut them down, it’s the girls who suffer—some rescue. Oh, and she claims she started at 12 years old. I think that’s most likely bullshit. You just don’t see that; almost everyone knows better than to partake in someone underage. Sad if true, but I don’t think so. Anyway, watch it if you want and make your own judgment.

Okay then, I feel like I’m forgetting something. Oh yeah! The dinner date with Swan!

The rain had been falling off and on for most of the day. I carried my umbrella and used it once during the ten minute walk.

After we ate, we went back to the patio. Since my arrival, Swan had been playing mostly romantic songs from a YouTube playlist. I volunteered to connect my Spotify app to her Bluetooth music box and play some of my favorites for her. I was actually quite impressed with her wide range of music familiarity, recognizing most of the songs and artists I shared, some of which were older than she is. So, we have similar tastes in music which is nice.

I’m drinking beer and Swan is sipping red wine. And then she comes out with a small glass of wine and takes this picture:

Well, I think it is fair to say that the question of her comfort level with me in the house has been answered–she seems fine with it, and in some ways, it is like he is still there. Now it becomes a matter of how am I going to feel about being the third wheel in this relationship. The selfish demon in me started trying to raise some negative feelings, but I resisted and told him to shut the fudge up. I focused instead on the positives. I’m glad Swan can be open about her feelings around me, I’m happy that she makes me feel welcome, and if I have to share her with a dead man for the time being, so be it. Her happiness is my mission.

Swan invited me back for a Thursday dinner/beer on the patio, and I accepted. I think her goal is for me to make staying home a better option than the bars. Well, I didn’t spend any money on beers and lady drinks last night, so that will help the budget. And Swan has agreed to join me for an adventure in Vietnam later this year, so saving some cash for that is a good plan. I’ll be glad when I’m not walking back home in the dark, though. Still, it was a good night, and I’m looking forward to a replay come Thursday.

Well there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you ought to know
That I intend to hold you for the longest time

I heard this old Billy Joel song while out walking this morning, and it resonated with my current state of mind. It also gave me a title for today’s post!

This experience with Swan has been an eye-opener. Time will tell if it is destined to be a life changer. I have now come to understand that the grief that flows from losing a long-term love is something that can’t be overcome with the good intentions of a prospective new partner. It has been said that time heals a broken heart, and to the extent that is true, the amount of time required before one moves on with whatever the future holds is something unique to the individual’s suffering. Or at least 365 days.

One of my lessons learned is that in Filipino culture, the death of a lover is expected to be grieved for at least one year. Anything less than that is considered disrespectful to the deceased. Dating or beginning a new relationship is not viewed kindly in the community. There is a law here that makes re-marriage illegal if it occurs less than 301 days after the former spouse’s death. Notwithstanding the legalities and social standards, the calendar can’t control the grief process-the heart feels what it feels.

So, I’m a selfish bastard, particularly in matters of the heart. Not fully understanding the issues Swan is suffering through, I had some expectations she was unable and unwilling to accommodate. My lack of understanding and neediness only exacerbated my feelings of rejection. Then I had a long chat with an old friend and blog reader, Maria. She’s a Filipina and a widow, and she shared some perspectives regarding what Swan is going through that I had yet to consider fairly. And commenter Kevin offered similar advice that really hit home with me. I saw just how wrong my overbearing behavior with Swan had been. The bottom line is that I finally came to realize this is not about me and what I want at all. If I genuinely have feelings for Swan, my sole concern should be doing whatever I can to make her transition from grieving to living as comfortable and stress-free as possible. My wants don’t matter; I need to give her the time and space she has been almost begging for. I now consider myself lucky that my lack of patience and selfishness didn’t drive her away from me for good.

Swan’s man died in April. She intends to abide by the one-year norm for a public display of grieving. That means no overt dating or creating the appearance of being a couple in public. She seems okay with an occasional hike, provided it is just the two of us. She has expressed an interest in overseas travel as well. Thus far, there has been no physical contact beyond hugs, and she has made it clear that she is not ready to engage in sexual activities. She seems to enjoy my company (we get together for coffee every morning), laugh, and have pleasant interactions. She doesn’t like “bad words,” so I’m learning to say “fudge” instead of “fuck”. She is a good woman with a good heart, and I have yet to see any red flags or reasons to doubt the viability of a future relationship. I think she is a good fit for me and would make a great partner in life. Except I won’t get her heart for another eight months at least. Talk about the right love at the wrong time!

As of now, here is where things stand. I told Swan I am here for her whenever she wants or needs me. I won’t bother her by asking her to spend time with me, but I’ll come running if she wants company or needs to talk. One big change is that I hired her as a part-time caregiver. Yeah, she can call me “boss,” especially if and when we are out in public together. A small salary will help her out some too. She still plans to stay at the house when I move in this October, although either in the basement with the other helpers or in the guest room. The dynamics of that situation are a bit disconcerting, but it may be clearer come October. If it is too uncomfortable, I’ll assist her in moving. Swan thanked me for understanding her situation and for my willingness to step back and allow her the time and space she needs to move on. In my heart, I know this is the right thing to do.

And there you have it. Weirdest damn place I’ve ever been in my many long and varied love lives. But I’ve got to say; this does feel different in a good way. If I’m finally setting my selfishness aside and putting the needs of someone I care about ahead of my own, maybe there is hope for me yet.

In the meantime, I’ll continue my beer drinking ways. A guy I know is opening a new bar tonight and I’m going check it out. Life goes on, even while you are waiting.

I’m still not clear enough on what’s happening with Swan to write about it here. One moment I think I understand, and the next, I’m wracked with doubts again. Give me a little more time to figure things out, and I will update you accordingly.

Swan also shared a hike with me yesterday morning. We walked out to Naugsol in search of the lot she purchased several years ago.

We walked back to Alta Vista through the valley, and I lost the trail. So we waded through the wet fields and eventually found the road I’d been seeking. It was flooded too. Some of the sights along the way:

I also heard from my current landlord. He is in the process of advertising my place for rent when I move out at the end of September and asked if I would take some photos from the back deck.

The landlord is a great guy, and I pledged to help find a renter to replace me. I feel guilty about breaking my lease. Oh, and I was surprised to learn my landlord has seen my blog. I guess it came up in a Google search while he was preparing the vacancy ad. That’s twice this week I’ve been surprised by an unknown reader!

Today is my mother’s birthday.

Facebook also carried me back to my heydays in the 80s.

Speaking of rockin’ it, the way I roll these days is on an old-fashioned bar crawl.

We paid a visit to Cheap Charlies next, then crossed the highway to Hot Zone.

Next up was a bar I very rarely visit, Lux.

The last stop of the evening was Queen Victoria. A former waitress from Snackbar is working there now, so naturally, I bought her a lady drink. An lo and behold, I looked at my watch and it was after nine p.m.! Will miracles never cease? I left after one beer.

I’ll be back to Queen Vic tonight for the SOB. Swan is supposed to join me, so I have that to look forward to. I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

“Like attracts like. Just be who you are, calm and clear and bright. Automatically, as we shine who we are, asking ourselves every minute is this what I really want to do, doing it only when we answer yes, automatically that turns away those who have nothing to learn from who we are,and attracts those who do, and from whom we have to learn, as well.”

― Richard Bach

We shall see.

We had four in attendance for the Wednesday Walkers group hike. I’m one of the Hares for next week’s Hash, so we took advantage of the opportunity to do some scouting for the trail. Here’s how things look so far:

That was the walkaholic portion of my day. When it came time to feed my alcoholic desires, I started out at Hideaway. It was Wednesday, so I funded a roast chicken feeding for the girls. I had brought along some brownies for the sweet teeth.

When it was time to move on, I was unsure of my destination. As I passed The Annex, I noticed it was devoid of customers, so I decided to rectify that situation.

So, I’m drinking alone, and I get a message from Swan with this photo:

That triggered a conversation that led to further discussion this morning. And I do believe we’ve reached some understandings, and the way ahead seems much clearer. I’ll share more about that in tomorrow’s post. I’m still doing some processing, but I’m feeling much more optimistic about the future.

I did my nightcap at Wet Spot and ordered some takeout food from Sit-n-Bull to carry home with me.

In bed at nine and up at three to start another day in paradise. Around five a.m., something bizarre occurred. I keep the back door open so the dogs can come in and out, and I was working the internet with the lights on when suddenly I was besieged by a hoard of moth-like creatures–literally hundreds of them. I’d never seen anything like it before.

After saturating the area around my desk with the poison mist, I retreated to my bedroom, closed the door, and waited thirty minutes or so.

I don’t need that kind of excitement in my life! But later in the morning, as I was walking Buddy (Lucky declined to come along for some reason), I encountered a ray of hope.

I baked a batch of blueberry muffins and carried some with me for my morning coffee with Swan. A good and meaningful talk, then a nice hike together to a lot she owns in Naugsol. I’ll share some details and photos of those events tomorrow.

Oh, and about the title of this post. I heard that song for the first time in forever the other night, and damn, it’s a catchy little tune. Not really relevant to anything I’ve shared today, but give it a listen anyway and see what you think.

Those hours aren’t just going to fill themselves. Here’s how I killed the time yesterday.

I woke up a 4:27 after a good night’s sleep of six hours and nineteen minutes. That’s what my Fitbit tells me anyway, I don’t remember much of that.

(all times approximate)

4:30 to 6:30: Coffee and the internet. Scrolled Facebook for new activity/messages. Responded to comments on my blog. Visited my favorite sites to see what was happening in the rest of the world: Althouse, Big Hominid, HotAir, Instapundit, PowerLine, Twitchy, and ROKDrop. Checked my email accounts, then read some forums I’m a member of (PI@Night, Philippines Addicts, and Quora).

And Facebook memories brought me this from twelve years ago:

6:30 to 7:00: I took a shower, then fed and walked the dogs.

7:00 to 7:30: Filled the slow cooker with chili ingredients: browned ground beef, chili seasoning, diced onion, kidney beans, pinto beans, and diced tomatoes with green chilies.

7:30 to 8:00: Medicine and health check.

8:00 to 8:30: Passed some time playing solitaire.

8:30 to 11:00: Grocery shopping. My driver swung by my future house to pick up Swan, and we were off for SBMA (the old Navy base). First stop was BPI to raid the ATM and restock my cash supply for the coming week. Then I changed things up and visited the Puregold supermarket. I do this every few months hoping to find items that are endlessly out of stock at Royal.

11:00 to 3:00: Lunch, blogging, and internet exploration. We dropped Swan and the few items she bought (and I paid for) at her place. She had some business to attend to but said she’d try and see me later. When I got home, I fired up the oven and baked a batch of cornbread. The chili was done when the cornbread was, so I had myself a meal.

I knocked out yesterday’s post with more than the usual amount of grammar and punctuation errors. Sorry about that. I hope today’s effort shows improvement, but I’m not betting on it.

Did some chats on the Facebook Messenger app. Swan advised she would not be able to get together after all. Mountain Mama MJ said she was stuck in Olongapo and wouldn’t be able to come for her allowance at the usual time (2:00). I told her she could just meet me at Sloppy Joe’s later. I also advised that beginning next month, I would be sending her stipend monthly via Western Union instead of her picking up weekly allotments from me. I feel obligated to maintain my commitment to helping her and the kids out, but I don’t need the hassle of being available at specified times for the handoff. She’ll have to learn to budget that money based on her own priorities, but she seemed okay with that arrangement.

3:00 to 8:00: My night on the town. I normally don’t leave the house until around four, but I was feeling frustrated about Swan’s inability to join me, even for some TV time at home, so I declared an early start to beer o’clock. At least the rain had finally ended.

My first stop was Sloppy Joe’s.

MJ arrived shortly after I did, so I handed her the cash and bought her a Coke. She told me her sad tales of living as a single mother on the mountain. The recent storm had knocked down her banana trees, eliminating one of her sources of extra income. Her roof is also leaking. Life is hard on the poor like that, it seems, but she’s a fighter. She’ll get through it.

MJ left, and I had some more beers and chat with my fellow bargoers. I was waiting for five o’clock with the intention of visiting Whiskey Girl and taking advantage of the “buy one, get one” pricing, but one of the customers told me the hours had changed and the bar doesn’t open until six. Alright, then I’ll go have me some dinner. Next stop, John’s place.

The waitress advised that the daily special was beef enchiladas. That sounded like a good choice to me.

While I was waiting for my order, Joy messaged me asking if I had eaten yet. I didn’t tell her I was just across the highway from Hideaway, but decided to surprise her after I finished my meal. I didn’t want to go there empty handed, so I bought a dozen Dunkin’ Donuts to share with the girls.

A couple of beers and lady drinks later, I made my way down the highway to Whiskey Girl.

My old favorite Jen was there, but my new favorite Kim was not. Oh well, that saved me some money I suppose. I bought two beers (and got two for free), and treated Jen to two lady drinks before departing.

The usual trike wasn’t outside Whiskey Girl, so I walked up the highway to the trike stand on Baloy Road. And since I was there anyway, I did my nightcap at Snackbar.

And then I got to talking to Richard, the guy sitting nearby my stool. I had seen him around before but not really chatted. Turns out he reads my blog! After all these years (nineteen and counting,) I’m still surprised when I randomly encounter one of the folks who spend time reading my drivel. It’s a little disconcerting since I like to pretend I have some anonymity, but overall it’s a good feeling.

And that’s where my night out ended. Grabbed a trike home, made me a strawberry, banana, and mango smoothie, and then had a goodnight chat with Swan.

9:13: That’s what time my Fitbit tracker says I ended my Tuesday with the blissful peace of sleep.

I guess you could say that’s just the way I roll. Better to have too much time on my hands than not enough!

Sitting on this barstool talking like a damn fool
Got the twelve o'clock news blues
And I've given up hope for the afternoon soaps
And a bottle of cold brew
Is it any wonder I'm not crazy? Is it any wonder I'm sane at all
Well I'm so tired of losing- I got nothing to do and all day to do it
I go out cruisin' but I've no place to go and all night to get there
Is it any wonder I'm not a criminal?
Is it any wonder I'm not in jail?
Is it any wonder I've got

Too much time on my hands?
It's ticking away with my sanity
I've got too much time on my hands
It's hard to believe such a calamity
I've got too much time on my hands
And it's ticking away, ticking away from me
Too much time on my hands
(It's t-t-t-t-ticking away)
Too much time on my hands
(And I don't know what to do with myself)
Too much time on my hands

Too much time on my hands
Too much time on my hands
Too much time on my hands

Now, I'm a jet fuel genius - I can solve the world's problems
Without even trying
I got dozens of friends and the fun never ends
That is, as long as I'm buying
Is it any wonder I'm not the president
Is it any wonder I'm null and void?
Is it any wonder I've got

Too much time on my hands?
It's ticking away with my sanity
I've got too much time on my hands
It's hard to believe such a calamity
I got too much time on my hands
And it's ticking away, ticking away from me
Too much time on my hands
(T-t-t-t-ticking away)

Rex Lewis completed his tour of duty here on Earth yesterday morning. I can’t say that we were more than acquaintances and Facebook friends, but I’d see him out and about around town, most often in It Doesn’t Matter and Hideaway. He liked playing pool and drinking, was friendly, and well-liked by those who knew him. He hadn’t been in the best of health, and he was a heavy smoker, so when I first heard the news, I really wasn’t all that surprised. Until I heard the circumstances leading to his death.

I’d often see Rex out at Baloy Beach walking his dogs in the morning. It seems yesterday his young son decided to go wading in the bay. Well, with this tropical depression that has been pounding us, the waters have been roiled. Anyway, Rex had to go out to rescue the boy, and after handing him off, Rex was hit by a wave and knocked down, smashing his head into a rock. He was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital. Well, if you have got to die, going out a hero is a fine way to do it. Gonna miss seeing you around, Rex.

You never know when your time will come. I don’t dwell on it so much lately; I just take each day as it comes and hope for the best. When it’s all over, I guess it won’t matter to me–I’ll be dead.

Meanwhile, it is STILL raining here. We have yet to have a break in going on four days now. You don’t get used to it, you have to adapt as best you can. I try to time my walk into town and between the bars to the intervals between the squalls, and I’m batting about .500 in that regard. I’ve also acquired a larger umbrella.

I did the Sunday feeding at Hideaway Bar last night. Jewel Cafe provided the food in exchange for 1700 pesos.

I got the news about Rex while I was at Hideaway, and the girls were shocked. They said Rex had been there on Wednesday and had a good time. They’ll miss him, I could tell.

When I left Hideaway, I headed over to It Doesn’t Matter to pay my respects. Manager Ashley was still in tears.

When the rain eased up a bit, I hustled down the highway to Sloppy Joe’s. Chris was there and hadn’t heard the news about Rex. So, we raised a glass in his honor, and I suggested Chris (who had the music controller) play “Another One Bites The Dust,” but I guess it was too soon.

I ended my night at Snackbar and enjoyed the company of the owner and Lydell. It’s funny how things turn out. I’m so over what was as I look forward to what might be.

I made a batch of brownies for Swan and we enjoyed them with our morning coffee.

It is Hash Monday, and it’s going to be a wet one. We will be doing a street walk, though, so it should be survivable. I’ll let y’all know how it goes tomorrow.

Another Saturday night alone on the town. That seems to be my destiny, at least for the immediate future. I ain’t giving up; this might be life’s lesson to teach me patience. I’m continuing to communicate with Swan, and she says she wants a place in my life; she just needs me to give her time for the love part. I don’t have anything else to do, so why not?

It is still raining like mad here. I’ve not been able to hike for two days straight. I can usually handle the rain, but not so much when the wind blows it sideways. The Gods of Beer cut me some slack yesterday afternoon with a brief pause in the rain that allowed me to escape the confines of my residence and seek shelter in the bars of Barretto.

I began my night’s work at It Doesn’t Matter. I was the only customer in the outside area, and perhaps that was weather-related, although the seating and tables were all dry. It’s been a sad spectacle since owner Bob passed away to see what was once my overall favorite bar lose its buzz. I’m not sure what happened, but I see many of the regulars have abandoned IDM and now are ensconced at places like Sloppy Joe’s and The Annex. Admittedly, I don’t visit IDM as frequently as I used to, either. The familiar faces are gone, and the service has deteriorated. I fear I may be witnessing the bar’s death spiral.

After two beers, I was still the only drinker outside, so I figured I might as well get some dinner in my belly. Of course, right as I got up to go the rain started again. I opened my umbrella and made a dash around the corner for Myleen’s. I was the only customer there as well, but who cares? I came to eat.

After my meal, I crossed the highway and climbed the stairs up to Cheap Charlies.

I made a mad dash back across the highway and visited Wet Spot as my next venue. It was surprisingly busy for a rainy night. Same thing next door at The Green Room. I’ve created a bit of a problem for myself at Green Room. I had four gals surrounding my table shortly after I sat down, and they were thirsty. I’d had a few beers by this time, so my resistance was lower than normal (and normal isn’t a high bar). They wound up getting two LDs each, but I was compensated for my generosity when the manager sent over a free beer for me. Somehow the math didn’t work in my favor, though.

When I’d finished lightening my wallet at Green Room, I stepped outside and hesitated, trying to decide where I might go next. A trike pulled up, and the driver said, “Going home, John?” so I figured I might as well end the night safe and relatively dry. A bowl of ice cream, a chat with Swan, and in bed at nine. I really am going to work on staying out a little later, at least a couple of nights per week. I’m acting like such an old man, and I self-identify as thirty. Don’t be an age bigot!

The power went out during the night, and I woke up sweating around three a.m. in the dark. I used my phone flashlight to make a cup of coffee, and then at 3:30, power was restored. I took a nap at six, then took Buddy for a walk (Lucky once again declined to come along, I guess he doesn’t like being out in the rain). I changed things up and walked to Swan’s place. I could tell she was surprised to see me, but she invited me in for a cup of Joe.

My Facebooks memories today reminded me of the meme-making phase I went through a few years back. This one from 2015 might be my all-time favorite:

And while I have been writing this post, I’ve also been preparing my lunch. Yep, I’m a multi-tasker!

Gonna do the feeding at Hideaway tonight and then see what happens afterward. See you here tomorrow!

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Women they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you'll know

Hearing those words yesterday didn’t leave me feelin’ groovy, but sometimes a babbling idiot needs a hard slap to the face. Swan reminded me in no uncertain terms yesterday that my feelings for her far exceed where her heart currently lies. The truth hurts sometimes, but I fully understand. I knew from the beginning that where she is starting from, still grieving the loss of the love of her life, would likely preclude her from jumping into a love relationship with me. Selfish bastard that I am, I let my feelings for her blind me to her pain and need to proceed slowly. I need to do better, and I will.

Speaking of getting blown away, Tropical Storm Dodong continues to rage across the PI, bringing high winds and heavy rain.

The SOB was canceled last night because of the weather, so my plans for an evening with Swan were another storm casualty. I was sitting alone at the Outback pool bar nursing some beers and wondering what to do next when Swan messaged me, saying she wanted to see me and talk. Thirty minutes later, she was sitting beside me, offering reassurance that she cared for me but asking for time to get to a place where she is comfortable starting over again. I told her that she was worth waiting for and that when she was ready, I’ll be here. She responded that we just needed to go slow, and I agreed to go forward at whatever speed her comfort level allowed. Of course, I’m already so far ahead of her that going slow means a retreat, but I’ll do my best to hold my feelings in check until she is ready, willing, and able to receive them.

It what may be a positive sign, Swan asked the bartender to take the first-ever photo of us together. She shared it with me on the condition that I promise not to post it, and I’m a man of my word. We said goodnight, Swan went home, and I hit the bars, feeling somewhat less blue.

Queen Victoria (one beer, one lady drink), Sloppy Joe’s (one beer), Wet Spot (one beer), and Green Room (three beers, four lady drinks–one each for four gals). Then I grabbed some pecan pie at Sit-n-Bull and caught a trike for home.

Rain and wind continued through the night and morning, but I caught a break in the storm long enough to walk Buddy (Lucky didn’t want to go).

Swan messaged me that my morning coffee was ready, so I grabbed my umbrella and some freshly baked banana walnut muffins and headed to her/our/my place.

The work on the house seems to be progressing on schedule, and I’m looking forward to calling it home come October. I came home back to my current residence and saw I had some storm damage out back:

I decided to forego my solo Saturday walk in deference to the wet and windy weather. I’m sure I will find the courage to defy Mother Nature once beer o’clock rolls around.

In the “it’s the thought that counts” category, my school teacher friend in Olongapo sent a photo of a recognition certificate I’ll be receiving:

It occurred to me recently that this version of me is probably the best I’ve ever been. Take that as you will, but despite being a slow learner, I’ve grown from the lessons of past mistakes. If and when I ever find a woman to love me, she’s going to be one lucky bitch!

And if in the end Swan takes a dive, then I’ll just continue to do what I do and make the best of whatever time I have left. That’s about as groovy as it gets.

Another day, another golden oldie from my youth. This song was always a favorite, and hearing it again after all these years, I can say that it has aged well. And even through the fog of my Biden-like brain, I remember the lyrics. Well, the first verse, anyway:

You were the sunshine, baby, whenever you smiled
But I call you Stormy today
All of a sudden that ole rain's fallin' down
And my world is cloudy and gray
You've gone away

Oh Stormy, oh Stormy
Bring back that sunny day

What inspired this journey to the past? Well, I reckon the rain that’s been falling for twenty-four hours might have had something to do with it. ‘Tis the season, so I might as well just suck it up until I can start complaining about the heat again.

I began my Thursday adventures with coffee at Swan’s place, which is now part of my daily routine.

As I’ve mentioned, Swan has been emphatic in expressing her lack of desire to participate in my hiking lifestyle. However, she volunteered to join me once a week, provided it was only the two of us and there were no mountains to climb. So, the Thursday morning hike is now our day. I wanted to get her off the streets so she could enjoy the beauty of the local countryside, and I figured the My Bitch trail would accomplish that objective. Or as I told Swan, I’m taking my bitch to see my bitch. She laughed, which is one of the qualities I like best about her. She thinks I’m funny!

I mentioned I had an appointment with Dr. Jo at four, and Swan volunteered to join me. She’s been trained as a caregiver and has expressed her intent to take care of me. I’m down with that.

My purpose in visiting Dr. Jo was to discuss the pros and cons of continuing to use the drug prescribed for me by the doctor in Thailand I saw. He had told me it was a short-term fix for my nasal congestion pending surgery. The drug is prednisolone, and it worked like a charm. You can read all about it at the link, but it’s a pretty standard steroid treatment with some potentially severe side effects, especially with long-term usage. Since I began using it, almost all my symptoms and breathing issues resolved, but when the meds ran out, I started feeling the blockage in my nostrils returning. My question for Dr. Jo was how could prednisolone be more harmful than the symptoms it was curing? After some discussion, we devised a plan that I would take the drug in lower dosages for three weeks and then take a three-week break. If that keeps my sinuses clear, we will continue that course of action indefinitely, provided I don’t develop any adverse side effects. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Swan had a family event to attend last night, but she agreed to join me for some dinner after the doctor visit. I took her to Mango’s:

It rained throughout our meal, and when we finished, Swan caught a trike to the family home in Matain, and I looked for the nearest open bar to get out of the rain. That turned out to be Whiskey Girl. I was the only customer, and neither of my favorites (Jen and Kim) was working, so I bailed after my two beers (buy one, get one). I crossed the highway and almost fell on my ass on the slippery sidewalk in front of Johansson’s. A beer there, then I took advantage of a break in the rain and scooted over to Sloppy Joe’s. Jim was there, so I had a drinking buddy to chat with as we downed our beers and watched the rain fall. I finished my night at Snackbar, then triked back home.

Wind and rain all night and all day so far.

No Friday group hike today because of the weather, but I took a short walk into town to get some steps in.

I’ll be doing the SOB at Queen Victoria tonight, and Swan says she will meet me there when she completes her meat deliveries. I promised I’d stay sober long enough to enjoy some live music after the dance competition. Wish me luck!

Yesterday's love was like a warm summer breeze
But, like the weather ya changed
Now things are dreary, baby
And it's windy and cold
And I stand alone in the rain
Callin' your name

Oh Stormy, oh Stormy
Bring back that sunny day

…I’ve got love in my tummy.

There you go, another day, another old tune from the 1960s. You can blame Althouse for this one; she featured the song in a post I saw today. I didn’t like the song back when it was a hit, and I don’t like it much better now, but it was interesting to ride the way-back machine to see the song performed. And the tie-in for my post title is yesterday’s dinner I prepared for Swan and my landlord Alicia.

After the meal, Alicia drove us to the Central Park Reef Hotel so we could take in the rooftop views while enjoying a cold beer.

A light rain started to fall, so we moved to a table under the roof to finish our beers.

Swan and Alicia were ready to return home, but the night was young, even by my low standards. So, I rode the elevator down to the basement parking level with them and said my goodbyes. Then I headed to Wet Spot.

After a couple of beers at Wet Spot, I headed over to Cheap Charlies. While enjoying a round of drinks with my regular crew, I told them of my new-found relationship with Swan. They all seemed sincerely happy for me. Nerissa enjoyed her “I knew it!” moment, reminding me she had seen us together a couple of weeks ago on the Central Park rooftop. Yeah, it was different then, but okay, you win.

Back home before nine as usual and had a brief chat with Swan before bed. She still doesn’t want to go public about my role in her life, although she has told her sisters about me. Still won’t let me take her picture, though. I guess when that day comes, it will be a milestone on our journey together. I’m not complaining, I feel blessed to have her in my life, and I’m looking forward to the time when she’ll be the last thing I see at night and my first vision in the morning. I hope that happens before October, but I’m going to abide by whatever schedule Swan is comfortable with.

Yesterday morning I enjoyed a valley hike with the Wednesday Walkers group.

A good day on trail with the group.

Okay, I’ll be back with more of this nonsense tomorrow. I’m doing a consult this afternoon with Dr. Jo on the wisdom of refilling the prescription I got during my Thailand visit. It worked like a charm clearing my blocked sinuses, but now that I’m out of meds, I can feel the clogging coming back. The Thai doc said the medication was a short-term fix, but I want to know why the drugs are worse than the symptoms they relieve.

Peace out!