I asked Swan if she would like to join me for dinner, but she declined, saying she preferred to stay at home to eat and drink. Okay, different strokes for different folks and all that. Honestly, I’d be willing to spend more time at home if I had someone I cared about to hang out with. As it is now, I go out to get out.

So, I began my lonely night on the town at It Doesn’t Matter. Just me and one other customer in the outside area. Agnes was my waitress, and I bought her a drink. She introduced me to a brand new waitress, so I took her lady drink cherry too. A couple of beers later, I felt the pangs of hunger, and I set upon considering what to do about it. It occurred to me the nearest eatery was right around the corner, a place called Myleen’s. For some reason, I’d never eaten there before (I had takeout once), even though it is one of the best-reviewed restaurants in town, especially well-known for its Italian and Mexican offerings. I’d been craving something from south of the border; the decision was made.

I don’t recall ever having an enchilada (this one is shredded beef) served in quite this fashion. I’m used to it being covered in a spicy sauce. That said, this one tasted just fine, and I could have eaten two. I’m not big on rice, but this blend was tasty. I also enjoyed the refried beans. I’d seen on the menu that the enchilada plate came with chips and salsa, which I assumed would be served as an appetizer to enjoy while my meal was being prepared. Nope, just a few chips and not enough salsa. That’s my only real complaint. The dinner and beer were less than 500 pesos, a very fair price. I’ll be back to try some other items soon.

After my meal, I crossed the highway and went upstairs to Cheap Charlies. I was the only customer, so my regular crew was especially happy to see me.

I only did one round of lady drinks for my threesome, plus a 50 peso tip when I departed a couple of beers later.

Anyway, I closed out my evening with a couple of beers at The Green Room, where I enjoyed watching a couple of skilled pool players making some amazing shots. Then it was next door to Wet Spot for some chat and drinks with the big boys, including owner Dave, at the VIP table. On the way out, I grabbed a pecan pie from Sit-n-Bull to bring home for my bedtime treat. And yes, I smothered the pie under some vanilla ice cream.

• Beer: 1,145 pesos (I bought a couple for others at the table)
• Lady Drinks: 760 pesos
• Food: 750 pesos
• Tips: 430 pesos
• Transportation: 100 pesos

The SOB is at Wet Spot tonight, and Mary asked if she could join me for her last night in town. How could I refuse? We are going to meet at Sloppy Joe’s later; then, I’ll show her the view from the Capital Reef Hotel rooftop before heading to the dance contest.

And here are some nuggets from my internet wanderings:

And finally:

Back with more of the same tomorrow!

It was a nice start to the day to be greeted with that beauty on the bay whilst walking the dogs. And later in the morning, Swan joined me for my daily walk. I kept it flat and easy at her request (hell, that’s my preference, too), and she completed the 6K jaunt without complaint.

Swan’s still calling me “boss,” but otherwise, I’m enjoying the hell out of her company. So, if this is as good as it is gonna get, I’ve still got nothing to complain about.

Last night I did the feeding at Hideaway. On Wednesdays, I let Joy do the ordering, and she had a former co-worker prepare and deliver the food. The girls all seemed to enjoy it.

After Hideaway, I walked all the way across town to Snackbar. The owner had messaged me about an issue she wanted to discuss and specifically asked that I arrive sober. Of course, she didn’t say anything about my having to leave that way. So, I stuck around and lightened the load I was carrying in my wallet. The issue was something customer-related, and I gave her my opinion, which was basically just to ignore it. Assholes abound, and it’s best not to take their criticisms personally, especially when they are unfounded like these seem to be.

I wasn’t quite ready to call it a night when I left Snackbar, so I went back up the highway to Whiskey Girl. Kim wasn’t around when I arrived, but Nikki volunteered to take her place beside me. I didn’t recognize her at first, but Nikki reminded me that I had bought her her first-ever lady drink when she started working several weeks ago. She’s become a pro now, attempting to order a double lady drink (the old bottled beer at 300 pesos trick doesn’t fly with me), but she took it alright when I told her make it a single or nothing. As I was finishing my beer and preparing to leave, Kim arrived. Sorry, hon, I’ll catch you next time.

Once outside, I was surprised that there were no trikes standing by. Hmm. I crossed the highway and visited Queen Victoria for a beer while I waited for transport. Been awhile since I’ve been in there, but at least one of the girls remembered me by name and was buzzing around like a thirsty mosquito. I was out of lady drink mode though, so I ignored her. One beer and out, and this time there was a trike waiting with a shout-out, “Going home, John?” Yep, it’s time.

Damage for the night:

• Lady drinks: 2340 pesos (yikes, that might be a record!)
• Food: 1880 pesos
• Beer: 995 pesos

Spending over a hundred bucks in one night is definitely a budget buster. Especially when I was asleep before 9 p.m.

Anyway, this month is data gathering on where the money goes. Next month I will explore any necessary lifestyle changes based on that information.

In the memories category, fellow Hasher Pubic Head sent this photo of me receiving a Hash vest three years ago to commemorate my 100th run with the Subic Bay Hash House Harriers.

Meanwhile, in news from outer space:

Just about a year ago
I set out on the road
Seeking my fame and fortune
Looking for a pot of gold
Well, things got bad
Then things got worse
I guess you know the tune
Oh Lord, I'm stuck in Lodi again.

My 4th of July may not have been all that magical, but it did turn out to be rather musical. Here’s how things went down:

In the category of newsworthy, this event warrants a mention: my eighteen-year-old friend Mary is leaving for Manila this week.

She had asked me for some assistance with her transportation costs, so my plan was to drop off the money after I completed my grocery shopping. I was expecting her to meet me down on the highway near where she lives, but she didn’t respond to my messages or calls. I knew the general whereabouts of her place, so I set out to find her. This involved climbing some slippery steps up through a slum village. Near the top, I saw a couple of older women sitting outside and asked if they knew Mary. It turns out she lived next door. Mary was surprised to see me (her aunt had been using her phone) and maybe a little embarrassed that I was witness to the poverty in which she lived. Yeah, it was a little shocking, but I’ll give her credit for having the courage to take the actions required to build a better life for her and her child.

Mary needed to do some shopping in town, so she rode with me and my driver to Barretto. I treated her to a Sit-n-Bull lunch, gave her some cash, and wished her good luck.

MJ came by my place later in the afternoon to pick up her weekly allowance. Her sister-in-law was in labor and will have the baby at MJ’s house with the help of a midwife. And so the cycle of poverty continues unabated.

Meanwhile, I put the finishing touches on my holiday feast.

I took some leftovers to Swan and my new landlord. Swan messaged me that it was masarap (delicious), and that led to a very strange conversation. I alluded to a “woman in the neighborhood” I’d bought the beef cubes from, and Swan asked what she looked like. This led to a whole discussion in the third person, and Swan encouraged me to reveal my true feelings about this mystery woman. I may have taken it too far because, in the end, Swan indicated all she wanted with me was a working relationship. So, yeah, I may be taking on another helper, it seems. Swan has also started calling me “boss,” and I really don’t like it, but that’s where we are, apparently.

We have yet to discuss in any detail just what her job will involve–I just characterized it as taking care of me. I couldn’t help but think of the “brand new plan” I developed in 2017 when I hired Loraine as my caregiver. I wrote about it on a forum back then, and you can read the details there if you want. But essentially, the idea was that I’d hire someone to do everything a girlfriend/lover would do without having to deal with the emotional aspects of actual love. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it didn’t turn out the way I expected. In the end, I did fall in love with Loraine, and she broke my heart. So, I won’t be going down that road with Swan. What road lies ahead for us is unknown, but I’m not nearly as optimistic as I was before yesterday.

On my way into town at beer o’clock, I came upon some damage here in the neighborhood from Monday night’s storm:

Sloppy Joe’s was my first stop, and it was nice to see Chris and Jim already in attendance. Chris was controlling the music playlist, and before long, we started playing every patriotic song we could think of in honor of America’s birthday. My contributions included the America, Fuck Yeah! tune I featured on the blog yesterday, and some golden oldies like Battle of New Orleans, Ballad of the Alamo, and an old Army favorite, the We Are The Engineers. Let the good times roll!

After several beers, Jim said it was time for a change of scenery, and I suggested we hit Whiskey Girl. All hesitation was overcome when I mentioned that the bar featured a “buy one, get one” special until 8 p.m., and so off we went to take advantage.

Now, my personal agenda included meeting up with Kim again. She’s been messaging me daily to come see her, and I promised I’d drop in.

I made Snackbar my final stop of the night again. Lydell wasn’t working, but the owner was back in town, and I spent some quality time with her and another waitress in the VIP room, singling some karaoke. I was tasked with going first and went with an old Dolly Parton favorite I heard recently on Spotify. I followed up with my usual videoke standard, Crazy, by Patsy Cline.

Anyway, the past is the past and there is no going back, but it was good to find some closure for some long festering wounds. I’ll leave it at that.

Damages for the night out were 1080 pesos for beer and 1060 pesos for lady drinks. Hey, I spent more on me than the girls! Told ya I was a selfish bastard.

None of the Wednesday Walkers were up for a hike this morning, so I took an 8K solo stroll.

I ordered a roast beef dip with coleslaw to bring home for my lunch. While I was waiting, the Facebook memories feature popped up in my feed. And guess where I was eating and what I ate one year ago:

And there was also this happy memory from five years ago:

Today is Jee Yeun’s birthday. I sent her a hundred bucks and wished her happiness. Some wounds never heal.

I’m still legally married, but since she’s Korean and doesn’t live here, the adultery law does not apply to me. Provided I don’t mess with a married Filipina. I’m very wary of that and have managed to dodge a couple of potential bullets. This guy was not so fortunate.

In the meantime, I’ll just keep on keeping on with this life of leisure, lonely though it may be. I’ll be doing my feeding at Hideaway tonight and see where things go from there.

If I should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you each step of the way
And I will always love you
I will always love you

Bitter-sweet memories
That's all I am taking with me
Good-bye, please don't cry
We both know that I'm not
What you need
I will always love you
I will always love you

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope that you have all
That you ever dreamed of
And I wish you joy
And happiness
But above all of this
I wish you love
And I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you

Or saw it, anyway. Here’s how my Sunday in paradise went down.

When the hour arrived to switch into my nighttime mode, I headed into town. The first stop was Jewel Café to order food for the hungry girls at Hideaway.

I had a bit of a surprise when I saw this as I headed back up the highway:

I made It Doesn’t Matter my next stop, and was on my second beer (and first lady drink for Agnes) when I got a message from Lydell asking me to join her at Snackbar. Hmm, well, lots of places are closed on Sunday and it is on the way home, so why not? I told her I’d stop by later and she thanked me.

I was a little surprised that the ex was there, but she was her old sweet self, so I indulged her and Lydell in quenching their thirst for lady drinks. Later on, I got invited to the VIP room and played some of my favorite tunes as a DJ. I kept my emotions in check and was pleased that I didn’t let those old feelings invade my space or disrupt my new attitude. The past is the past and has no power over my present unless I allow it. So far, so good.

Logging in the money I’m spending has been an eye-opener already. It’s still early in the data-gathering phase, but I might be going a tad overboard. Granted the 2000 pesos ($40.) I paid to feed ten at Hideaway is as much an act of charity as anything, plus I get the added benefit of feeling good about myself. And in many ways, I look at lady drinks in a similar fashion. The trick for me to learn is going to be when is enough enough.

Last night’s damages:

• Lady drinks: 2,780
• Food: 2000
• Tips: 950 (that includes 500 for Joy)
• Beer: 914
• Transportation: 100

Well, I have my work cut out for me, but on the other hand, it is obvious where I’m overspending.

I woke up at three this morning and when I looked outside this is what I saw:

Later on, Swan sent me a photo of her morning coffee on what will one day soon be my living room patio:

And now it’s time to gear up for another Hash Monday. I’ve been breathing better and feeling better physically, so hopefully, I’ll enjoy today’s trail. I’m feeling optimistic, and the way I see things, life is good. Shit, I hope I didn’t just jinx myself.

I don’t think I mentioned that Swan has been earning money by being a distributor of meat products. Each week she posts a menu/price list, takes orders through Thursday, and delivers (on foot!) on Friday and Saturday. The meat I’ve purchased so far has been high quality (USDA ribeye and baby back ribs). It tends to be pricey, but when it comes to meat, it seems to be true that you get what you pay for.

In other news, I’m taking the first steps towards instituting some budget discipline. When I first moved here, I planned on living large with a monthly budget of 250,000 pesos (around $5000.) and depositing around a thousand bucks into savings each month to fund regular travel. My sloppy spending habits and inflation have combined to where I’m regularly moving money from my savings account to make up for monthly shortfalls. That’s not sustainable over the long haul, and now is the time to institute some self-discipline. What that will mean in practice remains to be seen, but I’ve downloaded a budget tracker app to monitor my spending. I’ll gather data for the month of July and then make some decisions on how and where to reduce spending.

So, yesterday was the first day of that process, and I wound up spending 68,000 pesos ($1230.). Yeah, that’s a lot, but there are unique monthly expenses that occur on the first, so not surprising. Here’s the breakdown of my spending:

• Rent: 35,000
• Helper salary: 21,000
• Meat purchase: 6,000
• Beer: 1,550
• Restaurant food: 1,380
• Lady drinks: 1,355
• Charity (Joy’s medicine): 1000
• Gifts (bought chocolate from the Belgian vendor): 500
• Transport (trike fare): 200

Now, it was Saturday night, and I wound up barhopping with some of the Hash guys, so those beer and LD numbers are a bit higher than normal. I ate at John’s place and then brought some takeout food to Hideaway, which isn’t normal. Anyway, there’s plenty of fat to be trimmed as needed, so I’ll have a better picture of my budget diet to come at the end of the month.

As mentioned above, I started my night on the town with some dinner at John’s. John was resting in his recliner when I arrived and is in recovery mode from a fall that injured his leg and separated his shoulder. Get well soon!

After Hideaway, I wandered back up the highway with no clear destination in mind. But then I figured it would be nice to see Jen for a cuddle in her new location at Bar Barretto.

When I departed Bar Barretto a couple of drinks later, I had it in mind to visit my new Whiskey Girl favorite, Kim. But as I passed by The Annex bar, I saw several Hashers seated at one of the outside tables, and so I joined them. Turns out, they were in the midst of a bar crawl, and when they were ready to move on, I went with them. Next stop: Wet Spot.

This is where I dropped some coin on lady drinks and chocolate. It was getting near my bedtime, but as a matter of pride, I didn’t want to be the first to bail. Jim called it a night shortly thereafter, and I wasn’t far behind.

And for any of you who were hoping for a jealous Filipina post, here you go:

So, I’ll be busting the budget with the Sunday Hideaway feeding later this evening, and then we’ll see what happens after that. My landlord messaged me today that she will be starting the house repairs tomorrow and sent me this photo of my future home:

Back with more tomorrow.

It’s strange sometimes how things just seem to fall together. While I was out walking and listening to a playlist Spotify chose for me, this Townes Van Zandt song I don’t recall ever hearing before comes on. Somehow it just resonated with me. And that led to some introspection and a realization that I seemed to have hit a sweet spot and found the proverbial happy place in my life. At least for the moment, given my history, I can’t count on it lasting, but damn, it has been a long time since I’ve been free of the burdens that come with regret. No, things are nowhere near perfect or even what I hoped for, but I’m at peace with what I have found in the here and now. That’s about as close to an epiphany as this muddled old brain will render.

Days, up and down they come
Like rain on a conga drum
Forget most, remember some
But don't turn none away.
Everything is not enough
And nothin' is too much to bear.
Where you been is good and gone
All you keep is the getting there.

Here are some of the things I remember about yesterday, starting with a wet street walk. My phone battery was gone, so the pictures from the walk are all Scott’s:

I had mentioned my Friday evening plans included a scheduled meet-up with my new favorite Whiskey Girl, Kim. WG doesn’t open until 5:00, so I killed some time at Sloppy Joe’s. It was nice hanging out with Chris and Jim, two other American expats enjoying their golden years in a retirement community that caters to the desire of us old fuckers for cold beer and hot women. As I made my way to the planned rendezvous with Kim, she sent a message saying she was going to be late for work. Hmm, she didn’t say how late but did say she was on her way. I know she lives in Olongapo City, so I figured thirty minutes max. Two beers later, I was feeling foolish for waiting, so I paid up and headed out.

I was a tad hungry and thought I’d grab a bite at Thumbstar. The kitchen is outside the front door, and as I arrived, I saw my old friend Rica was cooking. Perfect. Except, I didn’t want to go inside the bar, and all the seats outside were filled with girls who should have been inside the bar. Despite dropping several large hints and telling Rica I wouldn’t stay if I couldn’t eat outside, no one made any effort to accommodate my desires. So I left with an empty stomach.

Well, the missed connection with Kim and the rude treatment at Thumbstar had soured my mood somewhat. I decided my crew at Cheap Charlies would be glad to cheer me up, so I climbed those stairs and took my regular seat overlooking the highway. Nerissa “greeted” me by saying she had seen me with “my date” at Central Park on Thursday and that was my last straw. I lit into her saying I wasn’t with a date, I was comforting a friend who had lost someone dear to her. And why would should you care who I was with anyway, you are just someone I know from the bar, not my girlfriend. Yeah, it was a bit harsh and my tone was angry. I immediately felt bad, apologized, and bought a round of drinks. The damage was done and the buzz was killed, though.

Sitting there I recalled that living without drama is a proactive effort. If I let the little shit disappointments trigger me, happiness will remain elusive. And I let it all go. Oh, I’ll be back at Whiskey Girl one of these days and I’ll be my usual sweet self with Kim. The food at Thumbstar is okay, but I have better options. If Nerissa wants to play the part of a jealous Filipina, she can find someone else to buy her drinks. I just don’t care. And like magic, I was ready to enjoy the rest of my Friday out on the town.

I crossed the highway and made my last stand at The Green Room. My table was soon surrounded by the gals I know there–Angie from the Hash, Chu, my regular waitress, the little girl who does my back rub, and Mary, the woman I first met when I was staying at the Arizona Resort in 2010. I ordered a round of drinks for them all and had Chu fetch a menu from Sit-n-Bull. I had a club sandwich, and the girls had pancit.

So, what could have been a disappointing evening turned out just fine. I can’t control the behavior of others, but I’m the boss of how I react to it.

Them holes are all that's real.
Some fall on you like a storm,
Sometimes you dig your own.
The choice is yours to make,
Time is yours to take;
Some sail upon/dive into the sea,
Some toil upon the stone.

So, I believe I mentioned becoming Facebook friends with Mama Onenia (aka Olivia) and her daughter, Jennifer, the “first family” up on the My Bitch mountain trail. The “conversations” have pretty much been limited to an exchange of “good mornings,” but I was surprised to hear from Jennifer the other day asking if I had an old phone she could use. Apparently, she’s been borrowing her mother’s when she needs to communicate. Well, I dug through a drawer and found this beauty I used back in Korea for a couple of years before I moved here (2015-2017 or so).

So, naturally, I wanted to reset the phone and delete my old apps, but before doing so, I went in and saved most of those old pictures. Some brought back painful memories, others were scenic reminders of the beauty of Korea, and most were about my old darting life. I’ll slap some of the better ones up here on the blog in the coming days, but today the focus will be on the ex-girlfriends (from the Philippines) I had during my final years in The Land of the Morning Calm.

This next picture stung when I saw it. Sohee and I were never more than friends, but she was a special friend all the same.

So with the phone charged and ready to go, it meant taking a solitary walk on the My Bitch trail this morning. I still get a little paranoid up in the hills on my own, imagining all the things that could potentially go wrong, but then again, if I have balls enough to cross the National Highway on a daily basis, especially after a few beers, hiking the Bitch trail is comparatively safe. Just watch your step, some of those drop-offs would be bone crushing.

After dropping off the phone, my path took me past my other mountain friend, MJ’s place.

And that’s where things stand with me as of now. Whatever happens next is all part of the adventure. It’s Saturday night, so I’m sure I’ll be spending some time with my true love.

To live is to fly
Low and high,
So shake the dust off of your wings
And the sleep out of your eyes;
Shake the dust off of your wings
And the tears out of your eyes.

About as high as you can get legally, anyway. I’m talking about the Central Park Reef Hotel’s rooftop restaurant/bar and pool. I rarely venture up there because it is a little too touristy for my tastes, but I’ve got to admit, the view made it all worthwhile. Well, the view and the company. Yes, Swan joined me for the evening out, and she professed to have had a good time.

Of course, things rarely go as planned, and I hadn’t planned on there being an all-day power outage. My electric company chose yesterday to trim away all the tree branches that might impede the power lines as we move into the rainy and windy season of the year. Yes, it was scheduled maintenance, but I somehow missed the announcement. When I returned home from my standard solo Thursday walk, I found myself in the dark, so to speak. No electricity means no water pump, resulting in the inability to shower (or flush the toilet). Ah, well, that’s what cologne is for, right?

So, I met up with Swan at the corner near her current and my future residence, and we walked together to Central Park. It was Swan’s first visit and I was glad to share the experience with her.

The Central Park rooftop area is well-appointed and has a pleasant ambiance.

When the time came to depart the hotel, we weren’t quite done with rooftops. Next stop, BarCelona.

After a couple more beers, we shared a trike back to Alta Vista. Dropped Swan off at her place and said our goodnight. If you are reading between the lines, yes, I am smitten. But I also know it is still too soon for her, and I just need to bide my time in the friend zone. I’m okay with that; I enjoy having some company occasionally that I don’t have to pay for when I’m out and about.

Here are some photos from my morning walk I like:

You are welcome to Relive the hike if you are so inclined:

Stay tuned for more adventures from the old man living in the best damn retirement community ever! I will forego the SOB tonight and spend the time in the company of Kim at Whiskey Girl. Hey, she asked me to come, and I always appreciate an invite. I am going to surprise her with a batch of brownies. And yes, some lady drinks to wash them down.

A diamond of a morning
Waked me an hour too soon;
Dawn had taken in the stars
And left the faint white moon.
O white moon, you are lonely,
It is the same with me,
But we have the world to roam over,
Only the lonely are free.
--Sara Teasdale

Under threatening skies, a low turnout for the group hike yesterday allowed us to use Scott’s vehicle for transport to the Cawag barangay in Subic, an area we only have the opportunity to hike once a year or so. That’s long enough ago to render all the sights almost new again. The rain held off until we had finished what turned out to be a very pleasant 8K walk in and around the Club Morocco subdivision. One of the interesting aspects of this area for me is that the developer, Santa Lucia Homes, is also the founder of my neighborhood, Alta Vista. The big difference, though, is that Alta Vista is a boom town with lots selling fast and ongoing construction taking place on almost every street. Not so in Club Morocco, where the wide streets remain nearly empty year after year. I can only attribute this sad state to the fact that while it has similar bay views and mountain vistas, it is isolated and inconvenient to access. Before moving to the PI, I looked at a house in Club Morocco that was amazing but would have meant I’d need a car to leave the neighborhood and would not have easy access to the bar life in Barretto. No, thank you!

Here are some photos from our excursion yesterday:

A good day to be out and about! Feel free to Relive it here if you are so inclined:

The nighttime version of my life included the Wednesday Hideaway feeding.

After the feeding, I moved on to Voodoo to use my 500 peso voucher. I managed to spend 400 before I left. I also got overcharged for a lady drink I didn’t buy. Stupid to lose a customer like me for a measly 170 pesos, but I guess now I know what I’m worth.

I finished up at Wet Spot and used a “buy one, get one” coupon while waiting for my take-out dinner from Sit-n-Bull to be delivered. Home stuffing my face with a cheeseburger before eight and in bed by nine. That’s how I rock my retirement years!

Tonight I’m supposed to take Swan to dinner on the roof of the Capital Reef Hotel. We’ll see how that goes. Full report tomorrow!

As Tuesdays go, yesterday was a pretty good one. It started out in the usual way with my grocery shopping expedition to the Royal Duty-Free supermarket. My usual low expectations were certainly met with the typical “out of stock” disappointments. This is the Philippines, after all, and so sometimes you just have to laugh.

The day’s big event was meeting up with the landlord to sign a lease for my future residence. I’ll be staying in Alta Vista, the nicest subdivision in town, and I’m happy about that. The house needs a good bit of renovation work, so my move-in date won’t occur until October 1. Under the terms of our agreement, I paid a two-month security deposit and four months’ advance rent. This gives the landlord the funds she needs to have the necessary repairs completed. Those include cabinets in the kitchen, aircon in the bedrooms, water heaters for the showers, and some basic furnishings.

We’ve agreed on a monthly rent of 38,000 pesos (around $750.) which is only 3000 more than I currently pay for a much smaller place. Now, I’ve just got to break the news to my current landlord. He’s a great guy, and I feel bad about not fulfilling the lease terms, but I don’t want to miss this opportunity. I suspect I’ll be forced to forfeit my two-month deposit, but hopefully, if I find someone to move here when I leave, it will soften the blow. We shall see.

After completing the deal, I returned home in a celebratory mood. Since it was still too early to drink, I fired up the grill.

I had asked Swan if she wanted to join me on the rooftop of the Capital Reef Hotel but never got a definitive answer. I am firmly in the mode of not pushing her as she works through her grief, so I went with option B–my old standby of drinking alone. I set out for town at beer o’clock without a particular destination in mind and wound up making Cheap Charlies my first stop. I didn’t stay long–a round of lady drinks for my regular crew and a couple beers for me and I was ready to move on.

I was going to check out the newly redesigned Mugshots Bar (added a pool table and dart board). The manager was out front and told me, “Come on in, Mae is working here again!” Hmm, I had met Mae on my first visit several months ago and had seen her outside of work a couple of times. I finally blocked her on social media because of her incessant begging. Nope, sorry, not interested in becoming reacquainted with that one. Of course, I didn’t tell the manager that. Instead, I said, “Some other time,” and walked on.

I had my next beer at Blue Butterfly but just wasn’t feeling the vibe there, so it was one and done. Next up was Bar Barretto, another bar I very rarely visit. I went in yesterday because Jen, the cuddler who used to work at Whiskey Girl, told me she took a job at BB. Jen wasn’t there yet when I first arrived, so I just sat at the bar and enjoyed a cold San Mig Zero. And then I got a message from Lydell asking me to visit Snackbar. Hmm.

My ex had invited me earlier, and I did not respond. The last three times she invited me to visit her there, she ignored me, which honestly hurt my feelings. I resolved not to play the Lucy and Charlie Brown football kick trick game again. On the other hand, Lydell’s invitation seemed sincere, so I messaged her I would try and come by later. Then Jen arrived at work, so I bought her a lady drink before I departed.

As I was walking down the highway on the way to Snackbar and across the street from Sloppy Joe’s, someone called out to me. It was Swan. I waved back, and she pointed up to the roof of the nearby Capital Reef Hotel. I shrugged and gestured to the effect that “I tried.” and then kept walking. We chatted this morning and made plans to do the rooftop on Thursday, so it’s all good.

I arrived at Snackbar, and the place was more crowded than usual. The ex was sitting at a table with several other customers but did come and greet me and asked me to be the music DJ later. Then she rejoined her table, and I became invisible again. Instead of feeling bad, I laughed at myself for being such a putz. My mistake has been thinking that she sees me as anything other than a customer. Just because I thought we’d always have a special friendship doesn’t make it so; that takes two. And I do want to emphasize that I’m not blaming the ex here for anything–she’s entitled to feel what she feels. My reactions to her honest display of a lack of caring do not reflect on her. You’d think a man of my age and experience would know better, but damn, I can really be dense when it comes to matters of the heart.

As I said though, I didn’t let it bum me out. I bought Lydell and Rose lady drinks, had a couple of beers, and then decided there were other places I’d rather be. Memories can take the joy out of drinking, so why risk it? I paid my tab and left. The ex messaged me later and apologized for not having the opportunity to tell me goodbye. I told her it was no problem and I meant it.

Now what? Well, the nearest bar I liked was Whiskey Girl, and I recalled having a 500 peso voucher to use before Friday. I hadn’t been to WG for a couple of weeks and was surprised at how crowded it was. I found a seat in the back that suited me, handed my coupon to the waitress, and ordered a beer. The waitress returned a few minutes later, saying my voucher was for Voodoo, not Whiskey Girl. Oops! I checked my pocket and saw my WG coupon was a “buy a lady drink, get a customer drink” variety. Okay, I can make that work.

In fact, there was a GRO named Kim hovering around next to me. She asked if I remembered her, and I honestly told her I did not. Kim told me she used to work a Queen Victoria, another bar I hadn’t been to for months. So, I invited her to join me and bought a lady drink with my coupon. And I was quite surprised at how much fun Kim was to chat and laugh with. Cute as a bug and quite a snuggler, too.

We are also now friends on Facebook.

And yes, that’s the pathetic state of my life–I’m excited about meeting a new bargirl buddy to drink with. She did express an interest in hiking, though, so we may have something else in common to share. And even if we don’t, I won’t care. Things are what they are, and I’m going with the flow.

The river flows, it flows to the sea
Wherever that river goes, that's where I want to be
Flow, river flow, let your waters wash down, 
Take me from this road to some other town.

My cash supply had dwindled to a dangerously low level that could potentially impede my charity work in the bars, so I devised a plan to rectify the situation: I’d walk to Subic-town and raid the ATM there. But to make the challenge even more worthwhile, I slapped on my headphones and rocked the walk the longer back way, coming in just shy of 12K roundtrip. Now, that ain’t a lot for you cross-country hikers like Kevin Kim, but it’s the most I’ve done in the several months since my lung issues flared up. I am happy to report that I had no breathing trouble on the mostly flat road walk.

To mark the occasion, I decided to do one of those “take a photo at one-mile intervals” things, and since my tracker measures in kilometers, that comes out to one pic every 1.6K or so.

I’ll deviate from the mileage photos to share a couple of other Korean-centric observations from the walk:

Alright, where did we leave off? Oh, yeah:

Mission accomplished. Relive it here if you want:

But wait, there’s more! I’ve still got the Sunday Hideaway feeding to report. As is my custom, the weekend meal comes from Jewel Cafe. Because of my recent travel, it’s been two weeks since my last visit, and it made me smile when they said they had missed me. Ah, small-town living!

Last night’s menu:

When the feeding was completed, I moved on to Wet Spot for my nightcap.

Also, while at Wet Spot, I received a Facebook friend request from someone I didn’t recognize. My method in this situation is to check for mutual friends and delete the request if I find none (exceptions are occasionally granted in cases of exceptional physical beauty). A few minutes later, I learned that my potential future landlord had sent the request. I rectified that mistake, we had a brief chat, and we have scheduled a meeting for Tuesday to discuss the details and terms of the house lease. It just might happen!

Facebook memories also took me back to another lifetime I was living fourteen years ago:

Alright, another day done and another one just getting started.

I’m one of the Hares for today’s Hash, so I’ll be heading out in a bit to mark the trail with my partner in slime, Blow My Pipe. I’ll let you know how that turns out tomorrow.

I confined myself to one bar last evening–Sloppy Joe’s. I had dinner at home waiting in the crockpot, so I didn’t feel compelled to go crawling around the Barrio. Young Mary came to meet me there, and my pals Jim, Chris, and Steve were also in attendance.

The beers were flowing freely, well, not exactly freely, but in abundance. When someone treated me to one, I, of course, reciprocated. And I was also paying for Mary’s beverages.

When it was time to call it a night, Mary joined me at my place. I served her some pot roast, and she paid the ultimate compliment, “This is so good I don’t need any rice with it.” I made strawberry-banana smoothies for dessert.

Mary spent the night, and we shared some intimate moments. It was nice to wake up this morning in someone’s arms. It’s been a long time, and I’ve missed it. Buddy and Lucky seem quite fond of her as well.

Mary left for home, and I headed out for the Friday hike. We had a nice misadventure in the Castillejos countryside that I’ll share more about tomorrow. I’m just now back home and have the SOB on the horizon. Tonight’s a rather special occasion because I’ve invited someone to join me that I’ve known for quite some time but have yet to date. I’m not going to characterize this as anything romantic at this point; she is in the early stages of recovery from a lost love and doesn’t need any pressure from me adding to her burdens. My goal is to be whatever she may need during this time of transition, and we’ll see what happens.

Just another day in the life, but I’m feeling more positive about the road I’m on.

“The trick is to live here and now in the timeless moment. To act like that’s all there is. No beginning, no end.”

Jack Higgins

That’s what I continue to strive for, anyway. And part of that is doing what I want, when I want, and doing a better job at saying no. I got tough with the mountain mama I’ve been supporting this week because I’m tired of her constant asking for more. I told her that her not being satisfied with what I can afford to provide for her takes all the joy out of giving. She changed her tune in a hurry when I hinted that maybe she should find a more generous sponsor. I understand and respect the fact that she is doing the best she can for her kids, but damn, a lot of people are struggling but getting by on less than the 10,000 pesos I’ve budgeted for her. I’m thinking that instead of doing weekly allowance installments, I’ll give her the whole amount at the first of every month; after that, she is on her own. Sorry for her, but it is past time that I toughen up.

My phone is fucking up again. I woke up yesterday morning, and it was beeping with a warning to disconnect the charger because moisture had been detected. It was fine when I plugged it in that night (and my shorts were dry, so I didn’t piss my pants). I guess the fix in Pattaya was temporary. I took the phone to a repair shop across the river in Matain, and they repaired it for 700 pesos. We’ll see how long this one lasts.

My co-Hare for next week’s Hash, Blow My Pipe, joined me for a scouting expedition yesterday morning. Finding something new without leaving town is pretty near impossible, but searching out trails that aren’t used frequently is a worthwhile goal. We put together a nice 5K+ hike with a couple of moderate climbs that I think will work well on Monday. We may add a loop for the hardcore guys to add some distance, or maybe not. You can hike it vicariously on Relive and see for yourself:

The dinner and gift-giving at Hideaway went well last night. I had just enough pasalubong for each girl to receive something, and they all seemed happy and appreciative. I guess that’s what it’s all about. I bought a special gift for Joy–a nail clipper set. She’s always messing with my fingernails with her hands while I’m sitting at the bar, so I figured I’d give her the tools to do the job right. She squealed with delight when she saw all that was in the kit. I asked if she wanted to go out back to the porch and give me a pedicure, and she excitedly answered, “Yes!”

I received a sweet Father’s Day card from my daughter yesterday:

I didn’t try even one puff or taste of marijuana during my week in the land where it is legal. But that didn’t stop me from doing some pot this morning:

And speaking of dope, there’s this:

And then there’s this:

I’m not sure what the latest news on that Titanic submarine situation is, but someone posted that a welcoming committee has already convened for them:

Has anyone thought of calling Popeye the Sailor Man?

Back in the saddle again with a Tuesday night bar crawl handing out the precious pasalubong gifts to my favorite bargirls. I have another delivery to make tonight at Hideaway and, of course, another Wednesday feeding.

I took a break from Barretto for a week, partly for a change of scenery but also hoping for a change in perspective. Maybe I needed another week or two to accomplish that. There were things I liked about seeing Pattaya again; after all, it had been one of the finalists when I was deciding where to retire. Returning this trip confirmed that I had made the right choice–Pattaya is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there. I guess I’ve grown accustomed to small-town living and enjoy being recognized around town. That doesn’t come easy in a bigger city, although I felt like a regular at the little restaurant I frequented and was treated very well by the friendly staff there. So, I expect I would have found a neighborhood vibe if I lived there. Of course, the primary drawback is the lack of English speakers. I’d really miss telling my lame jokes to the bargirls.

So, this is the life I’ve chosen, and it is the life I have. I intend to make the most of it for as long as I’m blessed to be among the living. Although I would love to find a companion to share the adventure, I’m embracing the knowledge that a solitary life comes with its own benefits, and if that is my destiny, so be it. Que sera, sera, and all that.

I didn’t make Monday’s Hash trail because I was still feeling tired after my long journey home. I did participate in the Hash circle and then visited Snackbar afterward. That place still reeks of memories for me, but I believe I’ve overcome their ability to sadden me. I’ll call that progress.

Yesterday I took care of restocking the pantry with my shopping excursion to Royal. Nothing has changed–the more I want something, the more likely it will be out of stock. Oh well, you just go with the flow.

While I was out of town, Joy got sick, so I had her go see Dr. Jo. I stopped by there yesterday to pay the bill and drop off some pasalubong for her and the hubby. We are planning a climb up Black Rock soon. Next stop was Johansson’s so I could deliver my gifts for Reggie. I saw Jim drinking alone at Sloppy Joe’s, and so I joined him. A couple of beers later, he came with me to Cheap Charlies.

The girls all seemed to enjoy their Thailand souvenirs. We were going to visit The Green Room next, but it was packed with pool league players. So, on a whim, we visited Voodoo.

Rumor has it she is the oldest working bargirl in town. Still has a great body, but her age is showing (like I’m one to talk). Anyway, before I took that photo she made a face that reminded me of someone I’d seen in the movies.

No offense intended.

I finished the night at Wet Spot, then grabbed a sandwich to go at Sit-n-Bull, had a trike driver greet me by name, and drove me home without needing directions.

Gee, it's good to be back home again
Sometimes this old town, feels like a long-lost friend
And hey, it's good to be back home again

I attended the SOB dance competition at Whiskey Girl last night. Big changes are taking place at that bar. The old management is out, and the new owner has his own ideas of what makes for a good bar. He told me the tables in front of the dance floor will be removed and replaced with couch seating. He’s also going to have live music at least once a week. It appears many of the girls who work there are following the old management to a new bar scheduled to open soon down the highway a bit. I don’t know, but at some point, we are going to hit the saturation point with more bars than customers to support them. Time will tell, I suppose.

A good show last night. I subsidized Jen’s salary through multiple lady drinks throughout the contest. She wasn’t there yet when I arrived at 4:30 (the bar is not technically scheduled to open until 5:00). The waitress who served me in her absence told me the “buy one, take one” offer didn’t start until five. No issues; that’s consistent with the five until eight signage at the front door. When Jen brought my first beer after five, she told me the buy one, take one wasn’t in effect because of the SOB. I got a little bit livid and said that’s not what I was told earlier, and it is not what the neon sign outdoors says. She went and consulted with management, and they relented and gave me the special price. Yay!

Oh, and Ashley was dancing with The Green Room team, and I fed her lady drinks as well—another SOBsidy.

When the show was over at 8:00, I was done, too. Drank my money’s worth, at least. You might call it an Ernest effort.

I spent the morning getting all my paperwork in order for my upcoming trip. That included making copies of my flight itinerary, my hotel confirmation, and the e-travel health pass the Philippine government requires to exit and enter the country. I also booked my onward ticket (one way to Guam) that Immigration requires when you enter the country on a tourist visa. It’s a throwaway ticket that cost me $16, but it shows I’m booked on a flight out of the country before my initial 30-day entry visa expires.

I’m on Cebu Pacific, one of those discount carriers I despise. But they offer the only flight to Bangkok for Angeles/Clark, saving me the dreaded trip to Manila. Cebu Pacific charges crazy prices for checked bags, so I’m attempting to pack for a week in my carry-on. I think I can do it, putting the excess in my backpack. I just checked the Cebu Pacific webpage, and it looks like they will charge me for having more than one carry-on (most airlines I’ve flown consider a small backpack similar to a purse and allow it without additional fees). Ah, well, what will be, will be.

So, that brings me to my last night in Barretto for a week, I’ll be out looking for some interesting people through my beer goggles. In the meantime, here are some of Scott’s photos from yesterday’s hike through Olongapo and SBMA:

Let me leave you with a final pun:

It’s been a busy 24 hours. Late in the afternoon, I got a message from my ex saying she was back in town and I should visit her bar to welcome her home. I asked what time the festivities began, and while waiting for her response, I baked a batch of brownies for the celebration. Except she never responded. So, I started my beer o’clock excursion at Sloppy Joe’s instead. During beer number two, I finally heard from her saying my friend Johnny had arrived and he was waiting for me. Oh well, why not?

When I arrived, she was seated at a table with several other customers, a couple of whom I recognized. I greeted them and her. I sat with my friend Johnny at an adjacent table. I gave the brownies to my waitress to share with the other girls, and a couple of them joined me for lady drinks. When the guests at my ex’s table departed, I thought she might join me for some chat. Instead, she disappeared into a back room without a word. I now know how Charlie Brown must have felt with Lucy holding the football. Why I keep going back to have my nose rubbed into the fact that I’m nothing to her is a whole other level of stupid. Maybe I’ve finally got the message.

I went to Wet Spot and ordered some food to take home from Sit-n-Bull. Had a nice chat with Daddy Dave while waiting for my food to arrive. I came home, ate, and was in bed by 8:30. I’m not going to lie, my feelings were hurt, and I was in a sour mood. Woke up at midnight panting again. My oximeter read 87, so I nebulized and went back to sleep. I was back up to 93 when I woke up to start my day. I’m thinking that when I sleep, I’m not breathing right–maybe apnea or something caused by the total blockage of my sinuses. I think I’m going to try and consult with a doctor during my visit to Pattaya.

The Friday morning walk was Steve and Scott joining me on the streets of Olongapo City as we made our way to the immigration office. I needed to pick up my ECC paperwork permitting me to leave the country on Sunday.

We weren’t done with our hike yet, though. We departed immigration, hoofed it to the old Navy base, and walked around some more. I’ll share pictures from our walk at the end of this post.

Near the end of our walk, we stopped at the Lighthouse Hotel and grabbed a bite to eat poolside.

As we were walking back to the highway after lunch, I started experiencing some shortness of breath. Not wanting to be confined to an uncomfortable Jeepney, I opted to spring for a taxi ride back to Barretto. Once I was settled into a soft seat with aircon on my face, I felt fine again.

While I was eating, my phone rang. I almost didn’t answer because I wasn’t expecting a call and didn’t recognize the number. I’m glad I did because it was the post office outside my gate with a package to deliver. I advised that the gate was unlocked, and my helper was home to receive the delivery.

This post’s title notwithstanding, I knew what was in the box. Kevin Kim had advised me a couple of weeks ago that he was sending me some T-shirts. I’m not sure if he ever specified what kind of t-shirt; if so, I forgot. I just assumed there were from the batch he had made for one of his long-distance hikes. So, I was very surprised to open the box and find this beauty:

Speaking of Kevin Kim, Facebook memories shared this moment from four years ago:

Still on memory lane, here I am seven years ago on my to a Korean wedding:

And finally, ten years ago, my dart league team celebrated being champions of the Seoul International Dart League:

Alright, here are those photos I promised. Scott hasn’t posted his takes yet, so these will have to do for now.

And after that, we grabbed the taxi home.

Time to get ready for the SOB, but I’ll leave you with this food for thought:

“I know that I have less to live than I have lived.

I feel like a child who was given a box of chocolates. He enjoys eating it, and when he sees that there is not much left, he starts to eat them with a special taste.

I have no time for endless lectures on public laws – nothing will change. And there is no desire to argue with fools who do not act according to their age. And there’s no time to battle the gray. I don’t attend meetings where egos are inflated and I can’t stand manipulators.

I am disturbed by envious people who try to vilify the most capable to grab their positions, talents and achievements.

I have too little time to discuss headlines – my soul is in a hurry.

Too few candies left in the box.

I’m interested in human people. People who laugh at their mistakes are those who are successful, who understand their calling and don’t hide from responsibility. Who defends human dignity and wants to be on the side of truth, justice, righteousness. This is what living is for.

I want to surround myself with people who know how to touch the hearts of others. Who, through the blows of fate, was able to rise and maintain the softness of the soul.

Yes, I hustle, I hustle to live with the intensity that only maturity can give. I’ll eat all the candy I have left – they’ll taste better than the ones I already ate.

My goal is to reach the end in harmony with myself, my loved ones and my conscience.

I thought I had two lives, but it turned out to be only one, and it needs to be lived with dignity.”

Anthony hopkins

Easier said than done, but I’m down with making the best use of whatever time I have left. Here’s what I’ve been doing since I last posted here at LTG:

After I ate, it was time to get ready to feed the Hideaway girls. This week they desired something different–Korean style eats!

Ashley, the gal that’s been coming to the Hash, started her new job at The Green Room last night. So, after leaving Hideaway, I stopped in to buy her a welcome drink or two. It’s good to see her working again, she’s got a big family to support.

Ashley’s a nice enough gal, and I appreciate that she enjoys some of my favorite activities, like hiking and beer drinking. I have every intention of keeping her strictly in the friend zone.

I didn’t stay out late in deference to my tired old lungs. Went to bed early and woke up panting (I was alone, so not the good kind) at midnight. I registered 87 on my oximeter. I nebulized and went back to sleep. When I got up this morning I was 89. I nebulized again and walked the dogs. When I checked my blood oxygen level again, I was back to my “normal” 95. I’m not sure what’s going on with that.

In an overabundance of caution, I decided to confine my morning walk to the neighborhood. To make that effort a little more interesting, I took a photo of each house currently under construction here in Alta Vista. I had an uphill walk back to the house and I was breathing hard when I got home. Checked my oxy reading again and I was at 96. So, there doesn’t seem to be any correlation to my lack of lung capacity and blood oxygen levels. Weird.

Here’s those houses being built:

Shenandoah Bend (my street)

Everglades Drive:

Alta Vista Drive

Capitol Drive

So, that’s where things stand (and I’m still standing!). Nothing left to do now but carry on.

The sky is clearing and the night has cried enough
The sun, he comes, the world to soften up
Rejoice, rejoice, we have no choice but to carry on

The fortunes of fables are able to sing the song
Now witness the quickness with which we get along
To sing the blues you've got to live the dues and carry on

Carry on, love is coming, love is coming to us all

My lung issues have flared up again; this is probably the worst outbreak I’ve had. There are even sound effects–when I exhale, I wheeze so loudly it almost sounds like snoring. I also had low energy levels; I couldn’t even force myself out for my standard Sunday solo stroll. The nebulizer helps some, and I am using it with much more frequency. Hopefully, this is just a phase and not my new normal.

In lieu of walking, I took a morning nap. And another in the afternoon. In between, I watched the final episodes of Lucifer. I’ll write a separate post with my thoughts on that series.

I felt strong enough to go to Hideaway Bar for the Sunday feeding. On the way, I stopped at Jewel Cafe and ordered the standard fare: pork sisig, garlic prawns, and chicken wings.

When I departed Hideaway, I went to John’s place for my food.

So, next week I’ll be in Pattaya, Thailand. The timing for this trip couldn’t be better. I need a break from my routines and a change of scenery. I also want some time alone to think about what comes next. More of the same, or trying something new?

A commenter on a recent post suggested I cut everyone off that are currently receiving financial support from me and see what happens. Will they still be my “friends,” or will they disappear once nothing can be gained from knowing me? I know what it feels like to be ignored when you aren’t buying lady drinks; it happened again last night at Sloppy Joe’s. And that’s okay, but a smart bargirl will pretend at least to like you. My style is to order a beer, and if someone engages with me while I drink it, I’ll buy her a drink when I order my second. Last night, the gals were more interested in their phones than me, so I saved some money.

It’s a bit different situation with my “regulars” like Joy and Mary. Last week Joy needed money to enroll her five-year-old in kindergarten, and her other kid had a birthday on Saturday. On Wednesday, I tipped her what I thought was a generous 1000 pesos to assist with those expenses. On Friday, she messaged me that she didn’t have money for her kid’s birthday. I reminded her I had provided her with money for that purpose, but she said it wasn’t enough to cover everything. I didn’t respond after that, but it irritated me that she somehow thinks I’m responsible for taking care of her children. Joy messaged me yesterday asking if I was coming to Hideaway, and I told her I didn’t want to be a disappointment to her again. I was surprised and somewhat taken aback by her response:

” You are not a disappointment. You’re the most important person in my life. Don’t think you are a disappointment because you are not. I just said that [about the birthday] because I was sad. I didn’t say you disappointed me. I’m sorry that I made you feel that way. Sorry!”

Okay, I can be a tad oversensitive, I suppose. So maybe she wasn’t chiding me about not giving her enough money. That part about being the “most important” is downright scary. Whatever I decide to do, I do not want to hurt someone’s feelings. Oddly enough, of all the bargirls I know, Joy would be the best fit as a girlfriend/companion. Except she has those two young children who I know are more important to her than me, as they should be. I’m not looking to raise someone else’s kids, so that makes any potential relationship a no-go.

Then there’s Mary. The age gap (and her kid) always made the reality of our arrangement obvious. Turns out, though, that lately, I’ve been thinking I’m not cut out to be a Sugar Daddy either. She began a new job at John’s place yesterday, and I hope it works out for her. That’s why I went for the pulled pork–Mary needed money to pay for her medical and some employment certificate from City Hall (probably confirming that she is eighteen). So, naturally, I provided the funds. Anyway, I don’t mind helping her transition to a real job, which will make it easier for me to resign as her sponsor.

Lots to think about. Hopefully, my health will improve because nothing else matters when you wake up breathless.

I’m going to attempt the Hash this afternoon. Guenther is the Hare, but there is a “mostly flat 7K easy trail” alternative. I guess we’ll find out what he considers flat and easy. What’s the worst that could happen?

More to come soon, including the Lucifer post.