My lung issues have flared up again; this is probably the worst outbreak I’ve had. There are even sound effects–when I exhale, I wheeze so loudly it almost sounds like snoring. I also had low energy levels; I couldn’t even force myself out for my standard Sunday solo stroll. The nebulizer helps some, and I am using it with much more frequency. Hopefully, this is just a phase and not my new normal.
In lieu of walking, I took a morning nap. And another in the afternoon. In between, I watched the final episodes of Lucifer. I’ll write a separate post with my thoughts on that series.
I felt strong enough to go to Hideaway Bar for the Sunday feeding. On the way, I stopped at Jewel Cafe and ordered the standard fare: pork sisig, garlic prawns, and chicken wings.
When I departed Hideaway, I went to John’s place for my food.
So, next week I’ll be in Pattaya, Thailand. The timing for this trip couldn’t be better. I need a break from my routines and a change of scenery. I also want some time alone to think about what comes next. More of the same, or trying something new?
A commenter on a recent post suggested I cut everyone off that are currently receiving financial support from me and see what happens. Will they still be my “friends,” or will they disappear once nothing can be gained from knowing me? I know what it feels like to be ignored when you aren’t buying lady drinks; it happened again last night at Sloppy Joe’s. And that’s okay, but a smart bargirl will pretend at least to like you. My style is to order a beer, and if someone engages with me while I drink it, I’ll buy her a drink when I order my second. Last night, the gals were more interested in their phones than me, so I saved some money.
It’s a bit different situation with my “regulars” like Joy and Mary. Last week Joy needed money to enroll her five-year-old in kindergarten, and her other kid had a birthday on Saturday. On Wednesday, I tipped her what I thought was a generous 1000 pesos to assist with those expenses. On Friday, she messaged me that she didn’t have money for her kid’s birthday. I reminded her I had provided her with money for that purpose, but she said it wasn’t enough to cover everything. I didn’t respond after that, but it irritated me that she somehow thinks I’m responsible for taking care of her children. Joy messaged me yesterday asking if I was coming to Hideaway, and I told her I didn’t want to be a disappointment to her again. I was surprised and somewhat taken aback by her response:
” You are not a disappointment. You’re the most important person in my life. Don’t think you are a disappointment because you are not. I just said that [about the birthday] because I was sad. I didn’t say you disappointed me. I’m sorry that I made you feel that way. Sorry!”
Okay, I can be a tad oversensitive, I suppose. So maybe she wasn’t chiding me about not giving her enough money. That part about being the “most important” is downright scary. Whatever I decide to do, I do not want to hurt someone’s feelings. Oddly enough, of all the bargirls I know, Joy would be the best fit as a girlfriend/companion. Except she has those two young children who I know are more important to her than me, as they should be. I’m not looking to raise someone else’s kids, so that makes any potential relationship a no-go.
Then there’s Mary. The age gap (and her kid) always made the reality of our arrangement obvious. Turns out, though, that lately, I’ve been thinking I’m not cut out to be a Sugar Daddy either. She began a new job at John’s place yesterday, and I hope it works out for her. That’s why I went for the pulled pork–Mary needed money to pay for her medical and some employment certificate from City Hall (probably confirming that she is eighteen). So, naturally, I provided the funds. Anyway, I don’t mind helping her transition to a real job, which will make it easier for me to resign as her sponsor.
Lots to think about. Hopefully, my health will improve because nothing else matters when you wake up breathless.
I’m going to attempt the Hash this afternoon. Guenther is the Hare, but there is a “mostly flat 7K easy trail” alternative. I guess we’ll find out what he considers flat and easy. What’s the worst that could happen?
More to come soon, including the Lucifer post.
If your lungs are doing that funky wheeze, especially if it sounds a bit like crackling or rattling, they might be infected. That symptom—and your docs will appreciate your knowing the terminology—is called rales (pronounced “rails”). It specifically refers to crackling/rattling, not just generic wheezing. Do see the docs right away and tell them “I think I had rales in the morning”—and, if possible, for how long (if that’s what this is, I mean). While you’re at it, you might ask the docs for a COVID PCR test, just to be sure, since the condition is primarily lung-related. I’m guessing the chances of COVID are low, but it pays to check. You can also just buy a home test and use that. I did that back in March and tested negative twice.
If the lungs are mucus-y, a steaming shower can possibly help; it performs a nebulizer-like function. A good temporary remedy.
re: the women in your life
Hey, what happened to avoiding drama?
Guess I’ve been pronouncing it wrong this whole time. “Rales” is pronounced “ralz” (rhymes with “pals”) or “rahlz” (rhymes with “balls”).
Hope the lungs clear up. As Kevin said, it may be some sort of respiratory infection. That seems to be the sickness de jour this summer.
Also, never did see an email from you regarding your Pattaya trip. Modern technology.
In any case, I am in Ireland for a couple of weeks on business/holiday, then to the States and not back to Thailand until end of June. Sorry it won’t work out this time.
(I am not very familiar with Pattaya, but if you have any questions, I may be able to find some folks that could help.)
Hey Brian, not sure what’s up with the email…I got a message saying it wasn’t deliverable (your Yahoo address). Anyway, sorry we won’t be able to hook up this trip; another time perhaps. Sounds like you have interesting work with all that travel. Enjoy and stay safe!
Kev, I really appreciate the tip regarding rales. When I researched some more on the internet it seems I might have a sister condition to rales called rhonchi. My sound only occurs when I exhale, and the website I viewed linked to a YouTube video where I could compare the sounds of both afflictions. Also, rhonchi is most often related to COPD. I definitely will consult my docs to see what meds I might take to relieve the symptoms. It was so bad during yesterday’s Hash that several people asked me if I was okay.
I’m not sure what’s up with the drama…I keep trying to avoid it, but it finds me anyway. Even had some more yesterday after the Hash. I’ll save that story for today’s post.
Okay, well, rales or rhonchi, please get your lungs checked. This is double-plus ungood.
As for Joy saying you’re the most important person in her life… color me skeptical. If she really thought that way, I think you and she would have a radically different relationship. Do you two text a lot or have lots of deep and personal conversations? I suspect not, which is why you were taken aback when she wrote what she wrote. If she really thought of you That Way, she’d be angling to enter into some kind of partnership with you. I’ve seen no sign of that happening. What you have now is an unequal relationship fueled by money.
Anyway… lungs, dude.
Going to see Dr. Jo this afternoon.
Yeah, I think Joy depends on me for cash and confuses that with importance. Or maybe she means exactly that–I’m important because of the money.