I am what I am, and that’s all that I am

“The trick is to live here and now in the timeless moment. To act like that’s all there is. No beginning, no end.”

Jack Higgins

That’s what I continue to strive for, anyway. And part of that is doing what I want, when I want, and doing a better job at saying no. I got tough with the mountain mama I’ve been supporting this week because I’m tired of her constant asking for more. I told her that her not being satisfied with what I can afford to provide for her takes all the joy out of giving. She changed her tune in a hurry when I hinted that maybe she should find a more generous sponsor. I understand and respect the fact that she is doing the best she can for her kids, but damn, a lot of people are struggling but getting by on less than the 10,000 pesos I’ve budgeted for her. I’m thinking that instead of doing weekly allowance installments, I’ll give her the whole amount at the first of every month; after that, she is on her own. Sorry for her, but it is past time that I toughen up.

My phone is fucking up again. I woke up yesterday morning, and it was beeping with a warning to disconnect the charger because moisture had been detected. It was fine when I plugged it in that night (and my shorts were dry, so I didn’t piss my pants). I guess the fix in Pattaya was temporary. I took the phone to a repair shop across the river in Matain, and they repaired it for 700 pesos. We’ll see how long this one lasts.

My co-Hare for next week’s Hash, Blow My Pipe, joined me for a scouting expedition yesterday morning. Finding something new without leaving town is pretty near impossible, but searching out trails that aren’t used frequently is a worthwhile goal. We put together a nice 5K+ hike with a couple of moderate climbs that I think will work well on Monday. We may add a loop for the hardcore guys to add some distance, or maybe not. You can hike it vicariously on Relive and see for yourself:

After I posted this video to Facebook, Pubic Head messaged me to say we had done a similar trail almost a year ago. I didn’t remember that, and I was one of the Hares. Why am I not the President?

The dinner and gift-giving at Hideaway went well last night. I had just enough pasalubong for each girl to receive something, and they all seemed happy and appreciative. I guess that’s what it’s all about. I bought a special gift for Joy–a nail clipper set. She’s always messing with my fingernails with her hands while I’m sitting at the bar, so I figured I’d give her the tools to do the job right. She squealed with delight when she saw all that was in the kit. I asked if she wanted to go out back to the porch and give me a pedicure, and she excitedly answered, “Yes!”

She really is a sweet young woman. Under different circumstances, she’d be excellent girlfriend material.

I received a sweet Father’s Day card from my daughter yesterday:

It’s interesting the lasting impressions you leave on your children.

I didn’t try even one puff or taste of marijuana during my week in the land where it is legal. But that didn’t stop me from doing some pot this morning:

POT roast in the crockPOT, that is.

And speaking of dope, there’s this:

And then there’s this:

I think I’d just let go and my problems would all be over.

I’m not sure what the latest news on that Titanic submarine situation is, but someone posted that a welcoming committee has already convened for them:

Too soon?

Has anyone thought of calling Popeye the Sailor Man?

10 thoughts on “I am what I am, and that’s all that I am

  1. re: Titanic re-disaster-in-the-making

    So the CEO of the diving company is not only on that craft but is also its pilot, and it turns out his wife is a descendant of a couple that was on the Titanic (portrayed in James Cameron’s movie as the old couple holding hands in bed as the ship sank). The male half of that couple was the founder of Macy’s. What a weird karmic connection in this whole affair.

    A day ago, they were saying that the sub had maybe 70-80 hours’ worth of air left in it, assuming it didn’t suddenly implode because of a design flaw. I also heard rumors that sounds of people banging against a wall got picked up by listening devices. The whole thing is scary and sad. But what is life without risk, right?

    re: Joy’s mani-pedi kit

    I’m glad she’s happy with her gift. She does seem awfully sweet. What do you have against raising someone else’s kids? Surely not the age gap: Al Pacino is a father again: he’s 83; his girlfriend Noor Alfallah is 29, and they just had a kid with his old, wrinkly sperm. You could always just relate to Joy’s kids (how old are they?) as a friend or a crazy uncle while making it clear to Joy that that’s as far as you’ll go. Joy might be kind enough to understand that.

    For all the Mountain Mamas in your life: be sure to wear your special tee shirt. I’ve ordered another pair of shirts for you: no design on the back this time so that you can wear your backpack without worry. Expect those to be heading your way soon.

  2. I forgot to add these thoughts:

    re: Father’s Day card

    I think your daughter knows you like terrible puns and farts. A fart is basically your intestines’ version of a terrible pun.

    fatherless and motherless,
    born without sin,
    spoke when it came into the world
    and never spoke again

    Some say the answer is “thunder.” I say… the answer comes from within.

    re: every problem has a solution

    That scenario is reminiscent of a Zen story.

  3. l predicted mountain mama several weeks back. Nice to be nice, but not to be on the the merry-go-round of increasing wants.

  4. Ah, the road paved with good intentions…
    Just a friendly note of caution. Providing a lump sum in advance to a person with poor financial management skills rarely works out well, especially if they are the impressionable type who may decide, or be convinced, that they can now afford some big ticket item because they have the cash in hand, with remaining monthly needs or outstanding debts pushed aside as problems to worry about later or conveniently convert into someone else’s problems if at all possible. You see where this is going.
    I have found that the best forms of charitable giving encourage and enable, or even mandate, future self-reliance (education, tools, transportation, proper work clothes) rather than foster dependency. Teach a man to fish etc. Anyway, you already know all this, so keep your fingers crossed and stay firm. If it doesn’t work out, maybe it’s time to cut ties or suspend assistance until convinced of improved skills and attitude. Your intent is admirable. But yes, the pit is bottomless, especially in the Philippines.
    Cheers.

  5. Kev, farts being the body’s puns is a hilarious take. Good to know it’s not just that I’m full of shit!

    Enjoyed the Zen story as well. It was a berry good ending! (oops, farted again)

  6. Kev, yeah, the Titanic connections are huge. (sorry, I just can’t seem to stop myself this morning)

    It is certainly an interesting scenario, and I do hope the cause of whatever happened is discovered. The story has certainly generated a lot of talk–mostly about rich people taking crazy and seemingly illogical risks. I like your take, even if I personally wouldn’t pursue it in the manner these folks chose. Money buys you the freedom to do the things you most desire, and if death-defying adventure is what you seek, go for it. Stumbling home drunk in the dark in a city I don’t know or speak the language is about as adventurous as I get these days!

    Re: Joy. Kids that don’t belong to you come with lots of issues. I was a step-father in three of my marriages and pulled it off okay, I think. I’m lots older now and living in a country with some strict laws that bear severe consequences. Being charged with a non-bailable offense and waiting years for a trial is something I choose to avoid at all costs. What is this crime of which I speak? Being alone with a minor child you are not related to is one aspect of the law I’m referring to. So, even if I choose to have a relationship with a mother, I would never let her kids live in my house. A simple, “Honey, I’m going to the store, be back soon,” and leaving me alone with the kids would technically make me a criminal. It is not all that common, but I’ve read horror stories of that stupid law being enforced against foreigners. Nope, that’s not going to be me.

    Wow! Some new wardrobe additions; thanks again!

  7. Thanks, DS. It all started so innocently with this one and entirely voluntarily on my part. I had met her on one of our hikes, and the old-timers in our group remembered her from her bargirl days. She wound up marrying and having kids with a local bar manager, and he eventually left her and moved back to the USA. To his credit, he was sending monthly support to her, but then he died unexpectantly. I had the bright idea of stepping in and helping to support the kids he left behind. But yeah, sometimes it seems whatever you do is never enough. It’s the “more, more, more” attitude that bothers me most.

    I have my limits, though, so we’ll see how this is going to play out.

  8. Former bargirl with kids, recently cut off from years of poreigner financial support, meets kindly new poreigner with ATM card What could go wrong?
    Danger, Will Robinson!
    Cheers

  9. Your kindness is admirable McCrarey but you may have heard that, “no good deed goes unpunished”. Peace Out!

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