The way we were

Posted on 14/February/2017 by John McCrarey

Now I wind up staring at an empty glass Because it’s so easy to say that you’ll forget your past...

Another Valentine’s Day being spent on my own. And truthfully, that’s pretty much the way I choose to be. But it weren’t always so. And it seems there is always something there to remind me when I wasn’t alone.

Delving through my old posts on the Philippines information board I frequent, I came across something I wrote back in August 2009 called “My Dilemma”:

So next month marks an anniversary. One year since my last visit to the PI. You guys with PPD (post Philippines Depression) can imagine how much worse it is when you don’t know when, or if, you will return to paradise.

See, next August I am eligible to retire and can draw a generous (and well earned I might add) government pension. I could live comfortably almost anywhere, but in the PI I could live like a rich man. And that has a certain appeal to me.

What’s the problem then? Well, as the old Elvin Bishop song says “I fooled around and fell in love”. With a Korean woman.

Now, this woman is 93% perfect. She takes care of all my needs in a way that is beyond anything I ever imagined. And I’m a man who likes to be taken care of. She does everything for me down to the smallest detail without complaint. In fact, she tells me it is “her pleasure”. She is an amazing lover and an old fashioned good hearted woman. I go to the bars about three nights a week for darts, and she never complains. She comes along and has actually become a pretty big fan of the game. All my friends think she is great and her family seems to have taken a liking to me as well. When I got sick last year, she was at my side in the hospital 24/7. Hell, to reference another old song, she’s like the gal The Band sang about: “up on cripple creek she sends me/if I spring a leak/she mends me/I don’t have to speak/she defends me/a drunkards dream if I ever did see one…”

Yep, I’d have a hard time finding anyone better for me in this world than her.

So, you may be thinking, “what’s the dilemma?”. The 7% of the GF that is not perfect is that she is extraordinarily jealous. Almost to the point of being insane about it.

And she found my collection of photos from previous trips to the Philippines. She says seeing me with those “young girls” just makes her sick to her stomach. She deleted them all.

Now, even hearing the word Philippines enrages her. And whenever there’s a Filipina in a bar she accuses me of staring at her and tells me “I love Filipino women too much!”.

She accessed my email and found communications with a platonic friend in the PI and went nuts.

If I go to a filipino bar I like here in Seoul she gets pissed.

She checks the messages/call history on my cell phone.

She checks the stamps in my passport when I travel.

She counts the frickin’ money in my wallet to make sure I’m not spending money on others.

In other words, that 7% is getting to be a real pain in the ass.

But damn, she does love me, and you know, there is something to be said for being loved.

But any future I might have with her, means there is no Philippines in my future.

And she is right about one thing–I truly do love the Pinays.

Hence my dilemma. One year out from retirement and I need to be firming up plans. If I stay in Korea with her, it means getting married (will need a visa). If I’m going to the PI to retire, well, I need to be going there and making some decisions.

I’m stuck at 50-50 on the pros and cons. I mean, I could pay someone in the PI to take care of all those nice things my GF gives me free. But as the Beatles so astutely noted, “Money can’t buy me love”.

I guess it’s a good thing to have choices in life. But it feels pretty fucked up right now.

Well, of course regular readers know that I chose love over the Philippines. And as it turned out, I chose wrong. I’m still not really over it and I definitely don’t understand it. But there is of course no going back. I can only lament the wasted time.

But as Facebook reminds me today, there were moments of love. I even made a movie about it, circa 2013.

Painful to watch now. And for those who say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, I call bullshit.

One thing is for sure, I am bound and determined to never love again. Don’t need it, don’t want it. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Mem’ries,
Light the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we? Could we?
Mem’ries, may be beautiful and yet
What’s too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it’s the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember…
The way we were…
The way we were…

Perfect timing!

Posted on 08/February/2017 by John McCrarey

Feel free to skip this post if you are weary of hearing my tales of woe regarding my health.

Okay, for the rest of you then…

Today I successfully secured a coveted appointment at the Brian Allgood Army Community Hospital on my third day of trying. Oddly enough, I started experiencing shortness of breath about an hour before my 5 o’clock appoint. And it was the worst occurrence I’ve ever had. I was having difficulty even talking to the intake nurse about my symptoms. The took my blood pressure (185/100!) then I met with the doctor. He could immediately see I was in some pretty serious distress and asked me how often this condition occurred. I breathlessly explained that I never let it get this bad since acquiring my nebulizer. The good doc said let’s get you some nebulization going now and while I was inhaling that sweet relief, he listened to my chest and apparently didn’t like what he heard.

As is usually the case, I felt better almost immediately. But apparently my blood oxygen was staying in the low 80s (normal is 95+) which meant I was experiencing Hypoxemia. That’s not good and the doc wanted me to visit the emergency room then and there. And so naturally I did.

The took my blood pressure again (still over 180), did an EKG, and started me on another round of nebulaziton.

Suckin’ in the ER.

Then they wheeled me down to x-ray to get a gander at my lungs.

My first ever ride in a wheelchair on the way to the x-ray department. Whee! (I’ll be happy if it is my last ride in one though).

At least I had something to read.

By the time I got back to the ER I was feeling much better and my vitals confirmed it (blood pressure back down in the normal for me 140s, and blood oxygen back in the high 90s. So, now I wanted to hear the long elusive diagnosis. Doctor says it seems to be a case of Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). Damn, I was afraid he was going to say that! (A couple of friends had suggested that may be my problem, but I was in denial).

There it is, the price I paid for 25 years of moderate smoking. The fact that I’ve been off tobacco for over 2 years now is certainly a positive. It appears my COPD is still in the early stages, and there are things I can do to slow it’s progress. So, that’s what I will do. We all got to die of something, but my death is far from imminent. My dad had COPD and made it to 83. That’s a worthwhile goal I reckon.

I came home with some drugs and an inhaler and instructions to return for a follow-on visit in a week.

In the meantime, it is always possible I will run into someone like this:

And maybe she’ll live up to her name!

It’s all good. Onward!

Journey through the past

Posted on 05/February/2017 by John McCrarey

Sheryl the sweetie.

Back in the day (circa 2006) I was a member of internet information board devoted to visitors and expats in the Philippines. Once I got married the wife insisted I divest myself of all things Philippines and so my membership lapsed. After the wife jettisoned the marriage, I renewed my membership. Unfortunately, all my old submissions were nowhere to be found and I assumed they had been consigned to the dustbin of internet history. But it turns out that all my old posts had been archived, and with the help of a board moderator I was able to recover them. So I’ve been enjoying reliving those optimistic times when I first discovered the PI.

The best day ever was in July 2008. I had returned to Angeles City and hooked up again with Sheryl, a gal I had met on my first visit. To set the scene, the bargirls were provided lodging by the bar, which was called a “stay-in”. The first time I saw where the girls lived I was shocked and saddened. It was a one room apartment, with bunk beds lined wall-to-wall. I’d say each girl had maybe 4 feet of personal space. No aircon, just a solitary fan. Sheryl assured me however that compared to life in the provinces this was a big improvement. For example, most of the girls had never enjoyed indoor plumbing prior to moving to Angeles. Anyway, here’s the story of that special day all those years ago:

Sheryl’s niece has a birthday coming up so I had promised a trip to the mall to pick up some presents. It has been a LONG time since I shopped for a two year old (heh, other than my granddaughter) so it was kinda fun. We picked out a couple of cute outfits and I said, mom will love this, but a kid needs a toy. Preferably one that makes noise (which mom will of course hate). So we got a pull toy and a “teddy-rabbit” and I said now its your turn. Sheryl is always shy about accepting my gifts, but I insisted, so she picked up a nice skirt and a couple of tops. Unlike Koreans, Pinays are quite easy to please and I do appreciate that fact.

So, we headed back to the stay-in to drop off her bounty. Man, that place still depresses me. The girls seem alright with it though and it beats the hell out of living on the street I suppose. Anyway, the plan was to invite the girls over to the Wild Orchid for a little swim party. We wound up with eight happy takers, and off we went. Speaking of easy to please, an old fat guy walking down the street with a covey of young brown-skinned beauties sure did put a smile on my face!

Soon enough the party was in full swing. I guess it is natural to love the water when you are born in a country made up of 7000 islands, and these girls were no exception. The music of their laughter as they frolicked in the pool just warmed my heart. And the stares of the other guests as we all partied and goofed was kinda cool too. Hell, I will just let the pictures do the talking…

They enjoyed the water, they devoured lunch, and finished it off with a gallon of chocolate ice cream. It was a day full of smiling faces! Not the least of all, mine.

All too soon the sun was sinking on the horizon and the girls had to head home to prepare for another night entertaining the monger horde. God love ’em. I’ll tell you what, I had the best time that afternoon, and I didn’t even get laid. There is more than one way to find satisfaction in AC, and this was my way. Got them out of the hot stay-in, put some smiles on their faces, gave them some good food, and got it all for less than 3000 pesos (about 60 dollars). I’d call that a bargain!

These days I’m not into the go-go bar scene at all, but I still respect the hard lives these young women experience. I hope the men they entertain treat them with kindness and dignity. They certainly deserve it.

What became of Sheryl? Well, she wanted me to take her away from the bar life, but I didn’t have it in me to have a long term relationship with a 25 year old Filipina. What I did do was pay her tuition to become a certified caregiver. Once she graduated she was able to escape the bar and return home to Manila. Last time I heard from her was in an email from Australia. She had married an Aussie and she was trying to be a good wife and therefore would not be staying in contact with me. I was very happy that she had made her dreams come true. Thanks for the memories!

When the winter rains
come pourin’ down
On that new home of mine,
Will you think of me
and wonder if I’m fine?
Will your restless heart
come back to mine
On a journey thru the past.
Will I still be in your eyes
and on your mind?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3RIJ-NmVGM

A New Year in the Philippines

Posted on 04/January/2017 by John McCrarey

Other than being sick a lot of the time, the trip to Puerto Galera was enjoyable. Here’s the story in pictures.

Woke up early Thursday morning to find some snow on the ground. Took a cab to Incheon and caught my plane. We left and arrived on time. Good job Korean Air!

Met my tour guide Loraine at the Manila airport. She had secured us transportation to Batangas (about 2 1/2 hours away on the toll road) where we caught the ferry to Puerto Galera.

The “ferry” was this banka boat, capacity 110 brave souls.

Every seat was full for the 1.5 hour trip across the water to PG. Seas were relatively calm which is good, because I’m prone to sea sickness…

Looking forward towards arrival at Puerto Galera…

And there it is!

Can’t remember the name of the town we docked in, but it looked like this. It wasn’t White Beach which was where we were going. To get there we had to take a van ride of 30 minutes or so.

As I mentioned in my previous post, we were booked at the Tribal Hills Mountain Resort. The shuttle van met us in White Beach and drove us straight up the mountain (literally). Checked in and proceeded to our room where we saw the sign stating there would be no power from 1:00 – 5:00 while the generator underwent maintenance. With no air con we took advantage of the huge deck outside our corner room.

the deck was larger than our the room, I do believe…

…and afforded views like this…

…and this….

….this…

…this…

…and of course, this.

The resort featured a restaurant with fantastic views and average food, a pool with a bar that closed at midnight except when it closed earlier, like the night we went down at 11:00.

The pool area at night.

The resort rented 4 wheelers, had an archery range, and a guided hike up to some mountain falls. We partook in none of the above, although I really did want to take the falls trek. Lungs and leg convinced me otherwise. The WiFi was spotty at best, but we made do. Mostly missed it on those sleepless nights I mentioned in yesterday’s post.

So instead I hired one of the hotel vehicles to drive us into Sabang, a comparatively large town best known for its diving resorts. 1000 pesos round trip (about 20 bucks). Saw lots of downed trees and storm damage along the way. There is only one road into and out of Sabang, and like most other roads I saw in Puerto Galera, it was quite narrow. Our expert driver managed it quite well however.

Once we arrived, the tour guide recommended a steak house she was familiar with. Once again, the views were much better than the food. I had a fish fillet that was so salty it was inedible. But the mango split we shared for dessert was outstanding.

Loraine the tour guide sets up my phone with a local sim card. It gave me a usable phone number, but I was more interested in the data network for internet. It even worked some of the time!

Beer was cold, which is how I like it!

From our dining perch, the view to the right…

…the view straight ahead…

…and the view to the left.

After lunch I treated Loraine to getting her hair treated. Turns out it was a three hour long process, which gave me time to wander around a bit. More than enough time, because there just ain’t that much to see there. Luckily for me, I’m easily entertained…

Found me a beachside bar featuring cold SML beer and enjoyed the view and watching the passerby…

Lots of dive boats coming in and going out…

And a walkable beach if you were so inclined. I was not.

By the time Loraine’s hair was finished, I was half(?) drunk and hungry. There was a Korean restaurant across the street from the salon so I figured we’d give it a go.

It’s hard to go wrong with samgyapsal, even though I had to cook it myself.

Sabang has a smallish nightlife entertainment scene. We sampled three bars, all of the go-go variety which I pretty much disdain. One drink and out in each of them. One difference from the bars in Angeles City and Subic I’ve visited is that the gals danced one at a time, rather than as a group. I didn’t see the value in that, but what do I know.

Called our driver for the return trip to Lost Hills and he got us there in due course (about a 45 minute drive). Once back in our room I had another bout with my bronchitis issues. Feeling trapped in the room, figured I could be just as miserable at the poolside bar. Which was already closed, more than an hour prior to the posted closing time. Oh well, sat out there anyway. Suggested to the tour guide that we check out one day early and celebrate New Year’s Eve in Manila. There was really nothing left to see in Puerto Galera and I had a desire to be closer to reasonable medical care should my condition continue to worsen.

After breakfast the next morning we caught the banka boat ferry back to Batangas. Upon arrival had several touts offer to drive us back to Manila at a discounted rate of 2500 pesos, including tolls. Although that was a bargain price, I was uneasy about riding in an unlicensed “taxi”, weighing the odds of robbery or some other scam unworthy of the savings. Took a comfortable bus ride instead for 1/3 that price.

I had previously booked a room for January 1 at the Red Planet Hotel in Aseana Center. It’s near the airport, the Mall of Asia, and a couple of casinos. Just prior to checking out of Tribal Hills I went online to Agoda.com to add the 31st to my Red Planet booking. When we arrived at Red Planet there was a long line for check-in, and the clerks didn’t seem particularly competent. When I finally got to the counter and provided my ID the clerk couldn’t find my booking for the 31st. I explained that I had just made it that morning and didn’t have anything other than the email confirmation, which I pulled up and showed her.

She said “sir, this booking is for the Red Planet in Makati”. Damn, I hate when that happens. So, we had to “grab” a taxi across town. (Grab taxi is the Philippines version of Uber apparently. I like it.) On the way to our hotel I noticed an oddly familiar neighborhood–the P. Burgos street nightlife district! I had visited there on my previous Manila adventure back in June. Our hotel turned out to be within easy walking distance, so at least the location of our New Year’s Eve activities was taken care of. I like when that happens!

Got settled in the room then took a cab to the Greenbelt shopping district that the tour guide had suggested as a good place for dinner. She had a Filipino dish, I went with the chicken-on-a-stick (although it had a fancier name (and price) on the menu.). When it was time to head back to our neck of the woods we had a helluva time getting a taxi. All the queues were long and the cabs few and far between. I’m not known for my patience and it was shortly exhausted. I said fuck this, let’s walk away from this area where there is less competition for cabs. Loraine told me later she was surprised how I was brazenly walking down dicey streets with no apparent fear of being robbed. I wasn’t brave, just clueless. Regardless, my plan was not working as there didn’t appear to be any cabs to be found here either. (If I lived in Manila I would definitely get the Grab app on my phone).

In frustration, I walked over to the doorman at a small hotel and offered him 100 pesos if he could fetch me a cab. His efforts standing in the street were no more successful than mine. He asked Loraine in Tagalog where we were going and how much we were willing to pay to get there. After consulting with me, we said 300 pesos (six bucks, about double the taxi fare). He had a friend nearby, and after some discussion he agreed to drive us to our hotel for that price. Problem solved–money talks, we didn’t walk!

Rested up and cleaned up then headed out to Burgos for a night of bar hopping. Surprisingly, many of the bars were lacking the usually ubiquitous numbers of bar girls. Apparently many go home to the provinces for the holidays. No problem as I wasn’t in the market for that anyway. We had a pretty good time bar hopping until the clock was ready to strike 12.

My first kiss of the new year!

After another rough night and little sleep because of my health issue, we decided to make a visit to the Mall of Asia. Loraine had a hankering for pizza, and Shakey’s is the place for pizza in the PI. Which was surprising, because when I was a kid growing up in Southern California, Shakey’s was the big thing! I still remember their commercial jingle:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJmufzgzRoA

I’ve been to Mall of America, and this one seems bigger to me…it’s HUGE!

We serve fun at Shakey’s. Also pizza!

A nice little amusement park behind the mall…

Which is situated on Manila Bay…

Later that evening we hit a casino but I wasn’t impressed or in the mood. Did hit an 800 peso slot win, with only a 1000 peso investment!

Then we took a cab to the Ermita area of Manila and visited the famous L.A. Cafe. It’s a notorious hang out for freelance hookers, but also a fun, albeit smoky, bar. Glad I got to experience it.

Next morning it was up and out to the airport. And the rest as they say is history. Except for the being sick part, it was a good time.

Stayin’ alive

Posted on 03/January/2017 by John McCrarey

Welcome to my first post of 2017! I’d wish you a happy new year but…

….I will wish you more good days than bad instead. My goal is to get out of this year alive!

So, regular readers know that I rang in the New Year in the Philippines. The trip turned out to be about half as good as I hoped. I’m going to do a post about the travel portion of that visit soon. This post is about the bad part.

Here’s a helpful hint: Don’t take a vacation when you are sick. I had my meds and figured I’d either get progressively better or stay about the same. Didn’t think things could get worse until they did.

I arrived with my “tour guide” at our chosen Puerto Galera lodging, the Tribal Hills Mountain Resort pretty much on schedule at 1600 on Thursday the 29th. I’d left home at 0430 though, so that constituted a long day of travel and I was pretty bushed. Now, the day after Christmas PG had taken a direct hit from Typhoon Nina. Lots of downed trees and the roads were pretty much a mess, but the resort was not in bad shape. Except that the power was out. No worries, they had a back up generator. Although from 1300 until 1700 it was down for maintenance. So, we arrived in our room without power, or more importantly, no air conditioning. Took advantage of the wonderful deck off our room with outstanding views of the surrounding mountains and the ocean.

It wasn’t long before I noticed a bite on my arm from what I presume was a mosquito. I belatedly got out my insect repellent and liberally applied it to the exposed areas of my body. Shortly thereafter, a worrying rash appeared all over the arm that was bitten. Then it spread to my neck and chest. And then the other arm. What the fuck? I took a long shower and after a couple of hours the rash receded into nothingness and I felt no further ill-effects from the experience.

I had no idea just how isolated the Tribal Hills Resort actually is. It’s on top of a mountain accessed by a narrow road that goes straight up. I’d judge it to be a steeper climb than getting to the top of the stairs on Namsan. And given my diminished lung capacity and bum leg, that was a non-starter. They resort does offer a free shuttle to the base of the mountain near White Beach. Although truth be told White Beach seemed like a sleepy little village with nothing much of interest to do there. And the shuttle stops running at 2200 hours. So the resort has a restaurant and pool bar, who needs to leave, right?

Except late on the first night I experienced a new low in my battle with my lungs, as in a prolonged period where I had shortness of breath. Which felt like drowning to me. I tried not to panic which would lead to hyperventilation, but it felt like I was going to pass out at any moment. My tour guide asked if I wanted to go the the hospital in Sabang, a good 45 minutes away under the best of circumstances. And these weren’t the best of circumstances in Puerto Galero. Imagining the nightmare of a small town provincial hospital in the PI, I declined the offer. Back home during coughing jags I’d work up a sweat and found some comfort and relief having my fan blowing into my face. I mentioned how I really longed for that fan now, and to her credit my tour guide set out on a midnight quest to find me one. I assumed it would be fruitless because the resort basically shuts down after the last shuttle run, but she had roused a staff member who came to the door with fan in hand shortly thereafter. It did provide a modicum of relief and I made it through a mostly sleepless night.

Things went better for most of the next day, which included a visit to Sabang. So glad I didn’t try to go there for medical assistance! That night I had some breathing problems again, but with the fan and some deep breathing exercises I learned from the web I was able to deal with it. Again, just a couple hours of sleep though. Decided to check out one day early and head back to Manila. Call me a pussy, but the thought of not having access to emergency medical care should it be required was fucking with my mind. Besides, there was just not much to see or do in PG and it seemed like a pointless place to ring in the New Year.

Had a nice New Year’s Eve celebration on P. Burgos street in Makati, coincidentally located very near the hotel I accidentally booked (I’ll cover that in the trip report installment). More of the same, felt fine mostly until it came time to lay down for some sleep, which brought back the coughing fits and shortness of breath. Managed a little more than 2 hours sleep from pure exhaustion, and woke up with the zit from hell on my cheek. What’s up with that?

Last day in country had the worst bout yet and the tour guide suggested I get a nebulizer. I considered it briefly, but figured what I really needed was a doctor’s opinion, so I opted to wait until I got back to Seoul for that. The plane ride from Manila went without incident, even managed a bit of sleep. Once we landed I made it through immigration, bag claim, and customs in a jiffy. Started walking to the AREX station and got hit hard with the lack of breath thing again. The train departed in five minutes so there was no stopping to rest. Made it on board and collapsed in my seat. I did my breathing exercises and told myself to suck it up and calm down, and eventually I did. No other option really, it was after 1900 so my doctor’s clinic was long closed.

Caught a cab from Seoul Station and somehow managed to successfully navigate the cabbie to my villa’s front door through grunts and gestures. Good thing too, because carrying my suitcase up two flights of stairs set off another lack of breath incident. This one wouldn’t go away. Around 0100 I was seriously thinking I needed to go to the emergency room for some oxygen. Couldn’t think of anyone I felt comfortable calling to take me at that ungodly hour, and I figured trying to explain to 119 where I lived was pointless. So I somehow managed to get through the night. Through the power of sheer exhaustion I even managed a couple hours of sleep.

As I prepared to depart for Soonchunhwang hospital this morning, I stepped on the scale. 201 pounds! A new record low for me, and down an amazing 6 pounds from last week. I obviously haven’t been walking at all and on vacation I don’t strictly keep to diet (had a fantastic mango split for example). The weight loss I’m certain is the result of my body and heart working overtime lately. My fit bit advises that my resting heart rate has been in the high 80s to low 90s. During my fits I’ve pushed it up to 130. Prior to my illness my resting heart rate was around 70 and I only saw 130+ at the summit of the stairs to Namsan. I DO NOT recommend this weight loss program however!

Arrived at the International Clinic without an appointment. Receptionist asked if I preferred to see the hilarious Dr. Yoo or the sexy Dr. Kim. I opted for Dr. Yoo who has been treating me for years. But I felt compelled to mention in all other things I would pick Dr. Kim. The receptionist smiled and said she understood.

Explained to Dr. Yoo (who coincidentally also has a cough and he blames Chinese pollution) what was going on, basically everything I’ve said above in more abbreviated form. I know, why is HE so lucky? Get over it! I told him I needed to get this fixed. He said if I had a fever he’d want me in the hospital. I told him being hospitalized was something I really wanted and needed to avoid. So, he had me do blood work, an EKG, a chest x-ray, and a nebulizer treatment. After completing these rounds, I returned to see what Dr. Yoo’s conclusion might be. I was happy that my hard working heart was still doing it’s job. The blood work showed all indicators in the normal range. The x-ray revealed that my lungs remain congested (no duh). And the nebulizer treatment as far as I could tell was a success. At least I wasn’t coughing.

He told me I was on the “borderline” for being hospitalized, but if I was willing to come in everyday for some nebulization we could try that. I suggested that I just purchase my own nebulizer and do that at home. Dr. Yoo was down with that. He also had mentioned having me hospitalized to administer intravenous antibiotics, but he was willing to try something stronger in pill form to see how that works out. So, as of now I remain a free man!

My new best friend!

Don’t we make a nice couple? And check out that zit! Massive!

The doctor does wants me back in the morning for a follow-up, I guess to see how I’m reacting to the meds. I’ve done two nebulizer treatments at home now and have had no issues with the cough or breathing problems. I also had an uninterrupted two hour nap today which left me feeling surprisingly energized.

I’ll go to bed tonight feeling hopeful that the corner will indeed be turned and I can avoid the nightmare of being in a Korean hospital alone with no one to assist me.

I tagged this post in the “me, me, me” category which obviously fits. I’m thinking I need to add a category of “aren’t you glad you’re not me?” I suspect many of my readers come here to feel better about themselves. Hey, glad to be of service. No man is totally worthless, he can always serve as a bad example.

Cheers!

It only hurts me when I cry

Posted on 20/December/2016 by John McCrarey

Let it be forgotten, as a flower is forgotten,
Forgotten as a fire that once was singing gold,
Let it be forgotten forever and ever,
Time is a kind friend, he will make us old.

If anyone asks, say it was forgotten
Long and long ago,
As a flower, as a fire, as a hushed footfall
In a long-forgotten snow.

–Sara Teasdale

Today marks the sad one year anniversary of the date my wife sent me packing. I’m mostly over it by now, although I do still frequently think of her. I remember when she loved me and wanted to share in my life, although truthfully those days ended a long time before my ultimate departure. I also remember the promises and vows we made to each other that she coldly broke, walking away because she decided she didn’t “have a happy life with me”.

It has been said that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And I guess it only hurts until the pain goes away. In one sense this breakup did kill me because I am certainly not the person I was anymore. I’m bitter and cynical and have no faith or trust in the whole concept of “love”. Fuck love, who needs it? I’m no longer in pain because my heart has become a heaping mass of scar tissue. These days I’m satisfied with being comfortably numb.

But don’t mistake my epiphany about the meaninglessness of love as an indication that I’ve abandoned the pursuit of happiness. To the contrary, I’m actually quite optimistic that I will achieve a satisfactory level of joy and contentment on my own terms and in my own way. I know what I want and what I need to be happy, and I expect I will find it in due course.

This is one of my favorite photos of me and Jee Yeun. It was a private moment, not posed, and captured by a friend. As I recall we had spent the weekend in Songtan and we were returning home from my victory in a darts tourney. She was by my side all the way, proud of me, and we loved each other. Or so I like to believe.
That’s what I miss, and that is what I hope to find again sometime. Minus the pretense of love. Just someone who will stay by my side, share in my life, and take care of me. I’ll give the same in return. It can and will happen. Someday, somewhere.

So, looking back over my journey this past year I can say I’ve had some adventures, some happy times, and yes, my share of sad days. But nothing worthwhile comes easy and I believe I’ve learned and grown and gained some wisdom that will serve me well in the future. Here’s a quick recap.

I moved into my overpriced but comfortable villa on this day in 2015. And then I proceeded to get drunk every fucking night for two plus months. I guess I was exploring the Leaving Las Vegas option, but really it was more about shutting down my brain so I could sleep at night. I still did my share of shouting at the ceiling though.

Instead of drinking myself into an early grave I wisely chose a more sensible course of action–diet and exercise. The diet was the low carb lifestyle, the exercise was in the form of walking. The former gave me a healthier body, the latter worked wonders on my tortured brain. Together, they resulted in a loss of over 60 pounds. I look better and feel better about myself. That was huge in overcoming my depression.

I did my share of travelling these past 12 months as well. Cambodia, Thailand, and three trips to the Philippines. In fact, I will be returning to the PI to ring in the new year in Puerto Galera, my first time in that locale. My current thinking is that I’ll begin and end 2017 somewhere in the Philippines. Of course, since when have my plans ever gone as planned? That’s why I will remain in my living one day at a time mode, until such time as I run out of days. Heh, that’s the plan at least.

I had two women profess their love for me this year (not at the same time of course!). Both ended in hurt and sadness and re-enforced my belief that love is a sucker’s bet. I feel bad for whatever part I played in bringing pain into those lives, but I will also cherish the memories and good times we shared.

I achieved my goal of becoming debt free.

I presided over the dismantling of my American life. I sold my house and everything in it. In some ways it felt like a funeral for a life I was forced to leave behind. But there is also a sense of freedom now in not being tied down to stuff and the old dreams that that stuff represented. I’m now unencumbered emotionally and materially. That’s a good feeling. Well, for the most part anyway.

I got promoted to the job I retired from six years ago. It’s an even bigger pain in the ass now than it was then, but I couldn’t say no to the money. I’d invested everything I had in a future with Jee Yeun that was not to be. And now I’m in full recovery mode, including financially.

And so as this year ends I’ve come full circle in my life. At some point next year I will re-retire and once again pursue the dream I abandoned six years ago when I chose Jee Yeun over the Philippines. Of course, I’m also six years older and there is no recovering from that.

Life goes on, and so do I. I’ve got a few more adventures in store yet I reckon. Stay tuned!

The only time I feel the pain
Is in the sunshine or the rain
And I don’t feel no hurt at all
Unless you count when teardrops fall
I tell the truth ‘cept when I lie
It only hurts me when I cry

Giving thanks

Posted on 25/November/2016 by John McCrarey

I like Thanksgiving. The food of course. But also the whole concept of stepping back and recognizing that blessings abound and most of us can truthfully find something in our lives worthy of giving thanks.

My life has certainly not turned out the way I envisioned. Last year I celebrated the holiday surrounded by my kids and grandchildren and with my wife comfortably by my side. This year I face an uncertain future, but one that appears more and more likely to feature a solitary existence. And yes, that is my choice. Oddly enough, I feel optimistic that I will discover a way to find happiness as I leave the past behind and explore new adventures and opportunities. I’m thankful for that.

I shared this Thanksgiving with my nephew, a co-worker, and some of my “bar family” from Shenanigans.

We enjoyed turkey…

…and the traditional sides: corn, mashed potatoes and gravy, dressing, green been casserole, candied yams, fruit salad, and dinner rolls…

Pecan pie and a pumpkin pie for dessert… Oh, and beer and wine of course.

Put it all together and it looked something like this…

Put us all together and we looked something like this. (excepting Choonae who took the photo).

Asia was well represented at our feast, left to right we have Sonya (Mongolia), Qian (China), and Choonae (Korea).

Speaking of Choonae, she was thankful for having published her travel guide to Cuba. I made sure each of my guest had a copy of their very own. Signed by the author of course!

Speaking of Choonae, she was thankful for having published her travel guide to Cuba. I made sure each of my guests had a copy of their very own. Signed by the author of course!

It was a good day with good food and good friends. I’m thankful for that!

One thing I am not thankful for is this damn cough which continues to bedevil me in the wee hours of the morning. This afternoon I returned to Soonchunhwang hospital’s International Clinic to see if they could fix what’s broken. I didn’t have an appointment. The hilarious Dr. Yoo was gone for the day, Dr. Joe was not working, but the lovely Dr. Kim, Sun Hee was available to ~~feed my fantasies~~ assist me. Prettiest doctor I ever did see, and the first time I’ve been treated by a doc in a short skirt. Yeah, I’m pathetic I know. Regardless, she agreed with me that three weeks was too long to be coughing. She took my temperature (no fever) and listened to my lungs. Then she said “let’s get a chest x-ray”. I bit my tongue and as it turns out, I was the only one getting my chest examined. We reviewed the results together however. She had pulled up an earlier x-ray and compared it with today’s. She said the expanded areas of white on the screen were indicative of infection. She told me she’d prescribe some medication and if I wasn’t better in a week, I should come see her again. Talk about conflicting motivations!

I didn't say no to these drugs. Hope the work this time!

I didn’t say no to these drugs. Hope they work this time!

I’m still in a low energy mode as well, which is reflected in my pathetic step counts. My nephew beat me for the first time ever last week and I’m not happy about that. I’m hoping to get back into the program soon. Maybe even tomorrow. We’ll see.

Thanks for the memories

Posted on 06/November/2016 by John McCrarey

It was a hell of a week.

Lots of work stuff that keeps my life more intense than I like. But it’s what I signed up for, so why complain? Much.

Woke up Saturday morning to a coughing fit. Hocked up all kinds of juicy junk from deep in my innards. Not a pretty sight.

Later that morning Eun Oke packed up her stuff and left me. Again. To her credit, she sent me a message suggesting a “break up date”. Well, that was a first. Which at my age I don’t get the opportunity to say very often. Eun Oke decided to end the relationship for reasons I think are legitimate. So no hard feelings on my part. And then she suggested we have a last fling to memorialize the event. Obviously I had nothing better to do. And it was a nice way to finish what had been for the most part a good experience. I’ll miss her.

For those who are curious, her reasoning is that our future plans are incompatible (i.e. me retiring and leaving Korea) and we are both too selfish to compromise. True. She also mentioned the age difference (I’m 18 years her senior). She told me “it’s fine now, but when I’m 52 you’ll be 70!”. And yes, I’m definitely way to selfish to die early to preclude that event.

Anyway, it’s fine and I’m fine. I had intentionally held myself back as a matter of self-preservation. And the sad fact is I am not sure I’ll ever be able to go “all in” in a relationship again. I think Eun Oke sensed that which I’m sure was a contributing factor in her decision to flee now. I think it was the right call. We’ve agreed to remain friends and I’m happy about that.

So far in 2016 I’ve had two women profess their love for me and I have no reason to question the sincerity of those professions. Still, I have become bitter and cynical to the point that I just don’t really believe in love anymore. And that’s really a big deal, tantamount to losing my religion.

This week Facebook provided a sad reminder of why the “I love you” words leave me cold. They have a feature called “Your memories on Facebook” that pops up in your newsfeed on a daily basis. I can’t seem to stop myself from taking that journey to the past. And that’s where I encountered this nugget from three years ago:

Thank you so much to my lovely husband! He take care of me so good and feed me good…he help me a lot! Even one my arms pain a lot but he make me pain less and inside my heart is full of love and feel warm..I am so lucky and happy woman because of John McCrarey! My life is much better because of you! Thank you and I love you so much!

Things change, obviously. I’ve moved on pretty much but I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. Part of my problem is I have no understanding as to what the fuck happened. How do you go from the sentiment expressed above to “I don’t have happy life with you” in less than two years? I believed in Jee Yeun and never imagined she would abandon the life we made together. And I know now that if her love wasn’t real and lasting, no love truly can be.

It’s all just words.

Stuff about things…

Posted on 30/October/2016 by John McCrarey

…I did this weekend.

Kicked off Saturday morning with my customary Namsan excurision.

I’m running out of new angles from which to photograph Seoul Tower…

It was however a fine autumn morning. Hardly broke a sweat…

And the city was looking fine in the clear morning air…

And then it became Saturday night. And this Saturday was the day of the annual Halloween celebration. And by celebrate I mean drunken debauchery. I had swore to never get caught up in that madness again after last year’s fiasco. But the GF had other ideas.

Just go ahead and shoot me now please.

I hadn’t dressed up for Halloween since the 1980s…

But I decided to just kick back and enjoy myself…

Fellow revelers…

Anyway, the night did not turn out as bad as I expected it would. So that’s a win.

This morning I was up bright and early. What to cook?

Considered bositang but went the a pot roast in the crockpot instead…

Then it was off for a jaunt along the Han riverside.

On the way down I encountered a large group of folks marching down the highway. This is just the trailing remnant, there were at least a couple hundred of marchers. Marching for what purpose I cannot say…

And then I came across this 1950 Chevrolet in cherry condition. How it got here I have no idea. I made a mental note that while in was being manufactured in Detroit war was raging on the peninsula. But this morning all was peaceful.

Made it to the river and had to pee. I was touched that the graffiti writer on the restroom wall had taken the time to helpful translate his wit into English. The meaning however remains lost on me.

Nonetheless it was a beautiful walk, both heading out…

And returning. Went as far as Seoul Forest Park. Good for 22,000+ steps all told…

In other news, I’ve reached a political decision which I will share here without further comment. Surprised?

In the end it was really a no-brainer…

Speaking of the election, I was really surprised to see this group of war veterans overwhelmingly supports Hillary. The race will not be as close as predicted if this is any indication.

Got stood up for my dart match this afternoon which pissed me off.

And a big and busy week on tap, including guests from my higher headquarters in Hawaii, a trip down to Humphreys, and various meetings of dubious value.

And that’s all I’ve got for you. As commenter Sojuhoncho is wont to say:

Peace Out!

Regarding Thailand

Posted on 29/October/2016 by John McCrarey

Looking back on my first sojourn to Thailand I thought I’d share my impressions.

I found the Thai people to be friendly and pleasant overall. They generally carry themselves with an air of dignity and pride. For example, even the beggars were gracious and never harassing. The would sit demurely on the sidewalk with a cup in front of them, never asking but always thanking you for whatever pittance you provided. Similarly, the street touts and vendors would show you their wares, and if you declined their offering they would simply walk away. That was a nice change from being continuously hassled as in the norm in the Philippines. I make it the first point here because dealing with third world poverty and desperation really wears me down. And while I of course felt sympathy for the unfortunates, I appreciated the fact that it was not constantly in my face. I mean, you do what you can, but you can’t help everyone. When I ask to not be bothered I appreciate those wishes being respected. That was almost always the case in Thailand.

I found Thai women to be quite attractive and they carry themselves with a certain grace that is quite appealing. Regular readers know that there is something about the style and manner of Korean women that really trips my triggers, but I’ll say that Thai women come in at a close second on my (mental) listing of the relative beauty of Asian women.

I rather enjoyed Bangkok and its vibrant streets. I mostly walked everywhere I went and never felt uncomfortable in doing so. There is of course a well-established night life catering to whatever your particular tastes might be. As I’ve written before, I’m not into the whole “go-go” bar scene with nearly naked (or in some cases totally naked) gals shuffling around on a stage. Not criticizing those who enjoy that kind of thing, but it leaves me cold. Luckily, the streets are also full of beer bar type establishments which I much prefer. I find it quite entertaining to sit at an outside table and just watch the world go by. Yeah, pathetic as it may be.

My impression of Bangkok was that it is relatively clean and modern. To be sure, it’s not up to Seoul standards but it is also nothing like that disgrace of a city called Manila. Infrastructure was mostly good and I found it pretty easy to get around.

Wide streets, modern buildings…

Would I consider living there? Probably not. I’d return for a visit but it just didn’t feel like a place I could call home. Can’t put my finger on why exactly, just so big and alien I’d feel disconnected and estranged somehow. Granted, I was only there six days so maybe I’d get more comfortable in time. I did meet a couple of expats and enjoyed their company so that was good.

What can I say about Pattaya? It’s a huge tourist destination. Reminded me a little of Myrtle Beach in South Carolina, except with prostitute bars. There were some nice scenic areas along the waterfront and many high-rise condominiums. Lots of expats around, so I guess I could fit in. But here’s the thing, sitting in the beer bars watching the people pass by made me consider whether I’d ever really want to fit in with that crowd. Not being critical, but I’m honestly not a whore monger. And that seems to be the main attraction for guys in my demographic.

Oh my!

What I found especially shocking was the number of old farts I’d see trolling the streets. Now, I’m no spring chicken obviously, but these guys looked like refugees from a nursing home. Old as dirt, shuffling along with canes and walkers. I’m like “I don’t want to wind up that!” On the other hand, I assume they’ve found what makes them happy in life, something I’ve not managed to accomplish as yet.

I could certainly do worse than Pattaya…

Anyway, while I could make do in Pattaya I suppose, I’m hoping to do better than making do when I re-retire next year.

There are two more places I want to see in Thailand before I make any final decisions—Phuket and Chaing Mai. Heard good things about both, and from what I’ve heard Chaing Mai might be more my speed.

One big issue for me with Thailand is the language barrier. Yes, I could learn some of the language, just like I’ve done in Korea. But ordering up beer and asking for the restroom is a long way from having a meaningful and satisfying conversation with the locals I’d live amongst. And I think my inability to speak Korean with my Korean wife was a large factor in the failure of that marriage. I definitely do not want to make that mistake again!

In a future post I will do a little comparison of the places that are on my short list of potential retirement destinations.

Stay tuned!

Lost in Pattaya

Posted on 11/October/2016 by John McCrarey

Literally.

Hired a driver through my new friend Tia (who owns the New Cowboy dart bar) to transport me from Bangkok to Pattaya, about a 2 hour drive. The driver spoke no English and arrived 30 minutes late, but no biggie. We got to Pattaya with no problem, but then he couldn’t find my hotel. Well, I’d written the address down in English, but apparently he didn’t read English so much. Anyway, he actually stopped and asked for directions 5 or 6 times, but we eventually found our way to the Mareez Lodge.

Worst fucking hotel I can recall ever staying at. I’d compare it to a Motel 6, but that’s probably not fair. To Motel 6. Actually, the room is better than the service, so there’s that. I chose this lodging because of it’s central location and based on the recommendation of Lunian, a nice Romanian guy I met at my hotel restaurant in Bangkok. I guess our taste in lodging differs. Anyway, for 20 bucks a night I can suck it up. It’s not like I’m spending a lot of time in the room anyway.

Anyway, after checking in I figured I’d take a hike and reconnoiter the area. I was walking pretty much randomly but came upon the infamous Walking Street.

Of course by day it’s almost serene. I’ll check it out in all its decadent glory tonight…

A typical Walking Street venue.

Well, I guess that settles it.

So, I headed back to the hotel via Beach Road but then I totally lost my bearings. Nothing looked familiar and given that all the street signs were written in a language that looks like scribbling to me, my English language hotel map on the back of a business card was useless. In desperation (but not panic) I approached a motorcycle taxi driver and asked him if he knew where my hotel was. Although he spoke no English he seemed to indicate in the affirmative and offered a ride for 40 baht. I guess the last time I rode on the back of a motor scooter was in Phnom Penh. I was drunk then but it was still a scary ride. Totally sober like yesterdayfelt like I was living life on the edge. Without a helmet to boot. Well, we rode around for awhile and still nothing looked familiar. And then he stopped and asked for directions. Then took me to a place called the Marin, and I tried my best to explain that no, this is not where I’m going. When he stopped for directions again I finally just gave up in frustration, paid him and started walking again. I found a neighborhood I’d seen before, but still had no clue as to where my hotel might be. So I asked another moto-taxi guy who consulted with another driver and he told me to walk 50 meters and turn right. And sure enough, there it was! I did manage 17,000 steps on my adventure.

So I stuck close by my lodging last night. Fortunately(?) there are multitudes of bars to choose from within a 3 block radius. I chose several. Dined on street food, although I didn’t go Thai–an egg burger and a chicken kabob. Both were good, at least as far as my drunken palate was concerned. There’s a massage place next to my hotel, so I popped in there on my way home. As I perused the menu I was told they were offering a “two for one” special. I asked, ‘what’s that?” and was advised four hands for the price of two. I’m never one to refuse a bargain! But truthfully, those extra hands were a bit distracting. I’ll stick with one set in the future.

Got up this morning and took my dirty clothes to a laundry service. Because it is hot and I sweat a lot, I normally have to change twice a day. Rather than carry a big ass suitcase I generally just take advantage of getting them washed and folded for less than I hand out in tips to bargirls. Then I went out in search of breakfast. I took careful note this time of where I was and identified specific landmarks along the way to ensure I’d find my way back without incident. And at Jolly’s hotel and restaurant I ordered up a ham, cheese, and mushroom omelette.

Biggest damn omelette I ever did see! And the coffee was excellent too.

After consuming about 2/3s of that monster I commenced to walking. Found my way back to Beach Road, which led me to Walking Street. Then I walked down a long ass pier. Here’s some of what I saw along the way:

The Queen of Thailand…

The ocean.

A beach to the left of me…

And one on the right…

A view from the pier…

And another…

You can see the sea…

Made my way back and although I didn’t leave any bread crumbs along the road, I feel confident now that I can manage to get home tonight without being lost. Even when I’m drunk, and odds are good I will be.

After a nice long walk it is important to re=hydrate. And so I did.

I’ve gotten to like the little beer bar across the street from my hotel. Friendly staff, although we mostly communicate with smiles.

Kevin asks in the comments to my previous post if I’m going to be doing anything more interesting than drinking beer, such as riding an elephant. Probably not. When I travel alone I don’t usually go for the touristy stuff. Mostly because it underscores the fact that I’m, well, traveling alone. I’m content to just go walking about and taking in whatever I come across. Although I do prefer to avoid getting lost. And the drinking helps me forget about being alone. And as long as you are buying lady drinks you can pretend that you are not.

Stay tuned for a report on Walking Street at night. God help me!

Steppin’ out in Bangkok

Posted on 09/October/2016 by John McCrarey

22,000 steps yesterday checking out the lay of the land. First impressions: Bangkok is no Seoul but it sure as hell ain’t Manila either (Manila being by far the worst place I ever did see). Bangkok is a big-ass city but for the most part it appears that things work as intended. Yeah, the traffic sucks but that is true in almost every major metropolis. The infrastructure is decent, the streets are relatively clean, I feel generally safer here than I do in the Philippines, and while there is evidence of some poverty it is not as up close and in your face as it is in the PI. There are beggars about but not nearly as numerous as I’m accustomed to seeing in my third world travels and they are certainly far less aggressive than I’ve seen elsewhere.

Part of the purpose of this trip was to ascertain if Thailand might be in play as a future retirement destination. Thus far I can say that although I enjoy city life, I don’t see Bangkok feeling like home. It’s no secret that I like to frequent the bar districts, but the types of bars that are in abundance here just don’t do it for me. With a couple of exceptions the expat community doesn’t seem all that warm and welcoming. And it was no surprise to discover that the language barrier here is huge. What little English the locals I’ve met speak is barely understandable. That’s just not the way I want to live in my adopted “hometown”.

Let’s go to the photos.

Wide streets, modern buildings…

The public transit is above ground…

The drive on the "wrong" side which can be disconcerting and dangerous when you are drunk...

They drive on the “wrong” side which can be disconcerting and dangerous when you are drunk…

Korean culture is ever present it seems…

There’s even a “Korea Town”.

One more street scene…

During my walkabout yesterday while waiting to cross the street I was vaping away. A young expat warned me to be careful about vaping in public because it is illegal and the police might harass me about it. Thailand actually is a police state, well, controlled by the military anyway. There were cops stationed on just about every corner. Most of them puffing away on cigarettes. On what basis they would outlaw the relatively safer and less offensive vaping habit I cannot say. It did make me a little more discreet and uncomfortable, but not enough to make me not vape while I walk. Hey, it’s what I do. Still, one more check mark in the negative column for Thailand.

Yesterday evening I went out to meet Johnny Witkowski at a dart bar called “The New Cowboy”. While waiting for him to arrive I played a quick game with one of the bar girls. She actually played pretty well, but not well enough to win. The only other customer in the bar wanted to give me a go. A guy from England here to play in a big dart tourney today. I took him in cricket, and he returned the favor in 501. So we played a rubber match during which I managed to eek a win. He’s a more skilled player than I am, but sometimes skill doesn’t win out. I quit while I was ahead.

Had a nice visit with Johnny. He’s on old Seoul guy and played in the dart league back in the 90’s, long before my time. He gave me some tips on finding my way around, and had the bar owner make arrangements for transportation to Pattaya tomorrow. A good guy who made me feel very welcome in a strange city. Thanks for that!

It was raining when I left for the dart bar, so I hired a Tuk Tuk to take me there. I wound up getting took took. Charged me 200 baht and left me several blocks from my destination. I’m such a tourist sometimes. Lost one of my vaping sticks in the process to boot. I did manage to find my way to the bar, pretty much by accident.

Of course, when you visit a new country it is important to sample the local cuisine. Me? I had the lemon pepper wings at Hooters. Sue me.

The scene of the crime. I dropped WAY to much me in there last night. The morning after a drunken night feels the same wherever you are in the world.

The scene of the crime. I dropped WAY to much money in there last night. The morning after a drunken night feels the same wherever you are in the world.

This afternoon I had a couple of beers in a street side bar called Stumble Inn. Then I had a massage that really sucked. And not in the good way. Came out with three mosquito bites on my leg. The massage itself was good though.

Had lunch at the resto next to my hotel. I had fun watching the girls at the bar across the street getting ready for the work day. This poor gal apparently had a late night and was trying to catch some Zzzz before the customers arrived.

Tonight I’m heading to another entertainment district, Soi Cowboy. Going to try and be a bit more frugal this time. Tomorrow at noon I’ll check out and head down to Pattaya. I don’t think it’s going to be my cup of tea, but I figure I’ll see it once in this lifetime anyway. I’ll return to Bangkok on Thursday. Playing in a darts tourney on Friday. Then hooking up with a friend who’s flying in Saturday. Then I’m outta here in the wee hours of Sunday morning.

More to come!

Third time’s the charm…

Posted on 03/October/2016 by John McCrarey

…or three strikes and you’re out? Time will tell.

Sorry for the lack of posting here at LTG. Sometimes life intrudes, but I’m doing fine for the most part. Here’s a little of what’s been going on in my world:

Work has been more intense than I’ve been accustomed to, but that was not unexpected. It does sap a goodly amount of my excess energy, which may in part explain the unscheduled blogging hiatus (or I could just be lazy). A couple of months into my new/old job I can see that we are making progress towards the objectives and initiatives I hope to accomplish. The big deal of course is all the civilian issues surrounding the upcoming move to Pyeongtaek.

Here I am serving on the “panel of subject matter experts” at a recent Town Hall…

And me on the bus to take a tour of the new facilities at Camp Humphreys in Pyeongtaek.

and that’s me unwinding after a stressful day at the office.

Me with my “What the Bulls?” dart mates. So far we’ve managed to remain undefeated. So, it’s not all about work….

This coming Friday I’m off to Thailand for the first time. Looking forward to looking around and getting a feel for the place. Rather than plan out the entire trip, I booked a room for the weekend in Bangkok and then I’ll just play it by ear.

The good news is I might actually have something worthwhile to blog about. Hey, stranger things have happened!

Stay tuned.

Spare your heart…

Posted on 21/September/2016 by John McCrarey

…everything put together, sooner or later falls apart

Sorry for the lack of posting recently, lots going on but I’ve not felt up to write about it. Until now anyway.

The holiday weekend was good up until it wasn’t. Thursday night I had Chuseok dinner with the nephew and a co-worker friend. Eun Oke joined us later and we had a good time drinking. Then hit the norebang. My singing has not improved.

On Friday Eun Oke joined me for a pleasant walk on the Han riverside. I prepared a meal of pulled pork and cole slaw for her. Then we hit the bars.

On Friday Eun Oke joined me for a hike along the Han riverside.

Saturday afternoon we joined a couple of friends for a cookout featuring ribs, potato salad, bacon wrapped asparagus (a first for me and it was delicious) and a veggie salad. I contributed a banana pudding for dessert.

Saturday afternoon we attended a barbecue at Mat and Sohee’s place. Good food and good times.

Saturday night it was back to the bars where I bid farewell to some new old friends.

Said farewell to Dale and his wife Gwen. Dale is a Sergeant Major who has completed his Korea tour and is returning to the states. The occasion dictated that we do shots. Which required reciprocation. So you can see how that went.

Dale honored me with his coin. The front…

…and the back. Thanks again, Dale.

Eun Oke left Sunday morning to care for her dogs. She called me later and said she didn’t have to work and that she missed me. So I invited her on over. We met at Shenanigans and did some drinking. Work night though so we came home early. I fixed her some brats for dinner.

And then at two in the morning Eun Oke wakes me up and says she is leaving. I’m like “what this all about?” It seems she has decided that our future dreams are incompatible so she sees no point in continuing the relationship.

I was gobsmacked. Although she had done this exact same thing once before, but we managed to talk our way through it and I assumed the issue was resolved. Apparently not.

The first thing she did when she left (and I mean before she was out of the driveway) was block me on Facebook. Apparently she’s the type that once she decides it is over, it is over. And I have to admit her actions hurt me deeply. I got pretty sucked in and I foolishly thought she had similar feelings.

And so it goes.

Back to the solitary life of which I had previously grown accustomed. Luckily, my heart is primarily scar tissue so the bleeding shouldn’t last too long. I’ve arranged for some therapy in the form of 11 days in Thailand. I’ll leave on the 7^th of October.

You can’t live in the future. You take each day as it comes and it will lead you to whatever the future turns out to be. I couldn’t make Eun Oke understand that. And it’s a shame really. She was a lot of fun and I enjoyed her company. I imagine I’ll be missing her but will remain grateful for the temporary reprieve from loneliness she gifted me.

And that’s all I’ve got.

Go tell it on the mountain

Posted on 10/September/2016 by John McCrarey

Added a new feature to today’s Namsan hike.

Eun Oke consented to join me on this mornings walk. I asked her how long she thought she could walk. She figured maybe an hour…

Ten minutes in and she needed to rest after the climb to the Grand Hyatt…

But her presence gave me a new perspective on the walking experience. For example, I found the views much more pleasant…

Another short break on the climb up…

And another rest a while later. She was a real trooper though…

I was surprised it was her first time on Namsan since she was a child…

She made it two hours today. Not a bad start. Proud of her effort.

Now I’ve got some spare ribs cooking for lunchee. A good day so far!

Sand to the beach (finale)

Posted on 08/September/2016 by John McCrarey

Back home from the Philippines. A mostly good trip. I’ll let the photos do the talking…

The breakfast view each morning…

I was forced to cheat on my diet when I spotted a Monte Cristo sandwich on the menu. Haven’t seen one of those in over 20 years!

A typical lunch. T-bone for Eun Oke, smoked pork for me… Everything was well prepared, service was friendly and efficient…

And it was hard to beat the specials!

The night life was a lot of fun too. Eun Oke made friends everywhere she went. She was very kind and generous with the bar girls. I was impressed and I guess they were too…

Two of her favorites were Wennie and Cherry. It was Wennie’s 27th birthday so we bought her a cake. She cried when she saw it…

It was a happy birthday for a hard working working girl…

Eun Oke got into the spirit of things by joining the girls on stage for a dance…

Eun Oke also gave Cherry and Wennie the dresses they are wearing in this photo. She loved making the girls smile…

A new night, a new city (Angeles) and new friends…

And when “Gangnam Style” was played Eun Oke did what any self-respecting Korean would do…she got up and danced….

…on stage!

It was fun while it lasted.

Sand to the beach (part 3)

Posted on 05/September/2016 by John McCrarey

Day 2 of our long weekend in the Philippines.

The pool side bar at Orchid Inn.

Eun Oke slept in so I enjoyed a pleasant breakfast poolside at the Orchid Inn. This is where I stayed on my cherry trip to the PI ten years ago, so it was nice to sit with my old memories.

And the pool. Lots of fun memories here…

I had arranged a 2:00 p.m. checkout so once Eun Oke roused from her slumber I walked her over to Norma’s to exchange some dollars for pesos. Then we sat street side at Kokomo’s where the girlfriend ate lasagna and I drank beer. Also arranged for a car to take us to Subic through Kokomo’s. Poor bastard got a ticket on the way though. Either speeding or an illegal pass (or both). He was in a foul mood afterwards of course.

The infamous Walking Street in Angeles City is not as scary by day…

Enjoying the food and passersby at Kokomo’s…

We checked into our room at Arizona a little after 3:00 p.m. Nice spacious room (#28 for those in the know) with a fair view of the bay. 10% discount thanks to Gavin and Philippines Addicts (a web forum I’m a member of). After getting settled in and changing clothes we popped downstairs to check out Score Bar.

The view of Subic Bay from our balcony…

The view of Eun Oke all decked out for a Friday night on the town…

Five years since my last visit and the place had been remodeled. Sat down where the bar used to be and ordered us a couple of SML’s. And then the same thing that had happened the previous night occurred again—Eun Oke was surrounded by the curious Score bargirls. She actually seemed to enjoy being treated like a rock star (or in her case, a K-Pop star). And soon enough she had bought her entourage a round of lady drinks. I told her she should save money by handing out autographs instead of drinks! Anyway, I think seeing a Korean female in the bars is unusual and I was surprised at how pervasive Korean “culture” is amongst Filipinas. They were all talking about their favorite Korean drama stars and singers.

Miss Popularity in Score Bar.

Knowing I wasn’t going to permit a second round of drinks I suggested we check out other venues. Walking up the road I saw a nail salon, noticed my overgrown toenails, and popped in for a pedicure. The GF didn’t want the foot work but she was talked into a back massage.

Next up was the SOB (Sons of Baccus, and no, I’m not sure why it’s called that) at Hot Zone. This event features a dance competition from the dancers at various bars. The girls go all out with costumes and choreographed dance routines. Eun Oke seemed to really enjoy the show and we both agreed the pole dancer after the show was incredible. I did pretty well in the raffle drawing as well, at least well enough to make the P1100 (per couple) entry fee a relative bargain.

The joint was jam packed with revelers…

Here’s a video of the pole dancer.

Walked back to the Arizona, and not ready to call it a night just yet dropped in for another visit to Score Bar. Most of Eun Oke’s new friends were still there and invited themselves to join us. I had already impressed upon her the need to end the practice of buying mass LDs, advising that she pick one or two girls to drink and engage with. Of course, when there are 10 or 12 gals surrounding your table with puppy dog eyes thirsting for a drink it’s tough to pick two and disappoint the rest. I came up with the bright idea of giving Eun Oke her first ever body shot experience. She didn’t freak out at all. So, I bought her another round from two girls this time. Eun Oke got into the spirit of things and insisted I join in with body shots of my own. It was fun while it lasted, but I decided we’d best bail before things got completely out of hand (and pocket). It was the right call, because the tab exhausted the last of my pocket money. More in the room safe, but I try to not spend more than I bring out for the night (5-6,000 pesos).

And let’s just say the night’s festivities put the GF in a happy mood. So day 2 ended sweetly.

Sand to the beach (part 2)

Posted on 03/September/2016 by John McCrarey

After dropping off our bags I took Eun Oke for a quick tour of Walking Street in Angeles City. It was late of course, but she was still amazed. I gave her a quick lesson in how to ignore the touts and street vendors. And then it was time for me to introduce her to her first girly bar. I chose Voodoo because it was small and maybe not too overwhelming. Not surprisingly, the lineup of girls at that late hour was not impressive, they were all overweight and lacking in the pretty qualities. Our waitress was very friendly and engaged Eun Oke is some conversation. When the waitress left for our next round of drinks Eun Oke commented that she was surprised how friendly people are in the PI. And then without prompting from me, she offered a drink to the waitress. She accepted, and then gave us each a free drink! That was a nice touch.

We then moved down the street to a larger venue, Dollhouse. I was shocked at just how obese these gals on stage were. Eun Oke commented that fat and t-backs are not a good combination. There was a group of Korean men upstairs making it rain (throwing money on the stage) which of course set the dancers off in a mad money grabbing scramble. Eun Oke was not impressed and shared my view that it seemed demeaning to the girls. I did point out that they were working for a living, and money is money no matter how it is earned. Still, my preference is to reward with generous lady drinks one-on-one. To each his own I suppose.

We decided to walk on up the road and popped into Angel Witch. We sat down at a table near the stage and I noticed we were the only customers at this late hour. About the time our drinks arrived there was a rotation of dancers. And to my surprise the girls coming off the stage immediately surrounded our table. That’s never happened to me before!

I guess it still hasn’t, because I wasn’t the attraction. Apparently they had never seen a Korean woman in the bar before and they treated Eun Oke like a movie star. They besieged her with questions, rubbed her arms and shoulders, and made her feel special indeed. I think she loved the attention because again, unprompted by me, she ordered a lady drink for all ten of them! Yeah, waste of money perhaps but they were all having a good time and you really can’t put a price tag on that kind of fun.

The happy dancers at Angel Witch

We then returned to our room, relieved some tension, and fell into a happy sleep. I reckoned the trip to be off to a better than hoped for start, so I was very pleased indeed. Next up—day 2 in Subic. Stay tuned!

Sand to the beach (part 1)

Posted on 02/September/2016 by John McCrarey

I’d written in an earlier post about my plan to bring my new Korean girlfriend along for my weekend jaunt to the Philippines. In the monger parlance I’m bringing sand to the beach. The potential for disaster with this plan is evident, but the chance that this woman might just enjoy this aspect of my life made it worth the gamble. Here’s how it is going so far.

Prepared for any contingency. Monetarily at least…

The first stage of the journey obviously was getting here. Eun Oke was supposed to meet me at my house at 1700 which would give us plenty of time to make the airport for our 2100 flight. I walked home from work so she could park her car in my garage (parking on the street in Seoul can be a bitch). She calls at 5 and says “what time do I need to be there?”. I told her now and asked her where she was. “Home” (an hour away). I told that’s not going to work, so she said I’ll take a cab to Incheon airport and we’ll meet there. I was a little frustrated about this turn of events but nothing to be done but make my way to Seoul station and catch the airport railroad on my own.

Eun Oke arrived about 30 minutes before I did and to her credit she had worked her way through half of the longish check-in queue when I joined her. And she was looking smokin’ hot in her cut-off jean shorts, so all was forgiven.

Who could stay mad at that?

Our Asiana flight departed 15 minutes late and arrived at Clark a little after midnight. We were seated at the back of a full flight, so of course we were at the end of the line for immigration. It was here that the Eun Oke made an astute observation: out of the hundred or so folks in line (primarily Koreans) she counted only four other women. “What’s up with that?” she asked. “Probably here for the golf” I lied.

If getting there is half the fun I expect we will have a blast!

After clearing immigration, we made our way to baggage claim. What a fiasco! My bag came out early and hers came out last. Apparently they only have one trailer to haul the bags from the plane to the terminal. Or so it seemed. Bags would come out in spurts, then stop for awhile, then start again. During the hiatus, I could hear the tractor starting up to fetch another round of luggage. I took this opportunity to remind Eun Oke that in the PI frustrations like this are best just laughed off. So we did.

As bad as the wait for our bags was, getting through customs was infinitely worse. Now, I’ve done my share of traveling over the years. But in no airport I’ve been in anywhere in the world did customs search every fucking bag! I don’t know if this is something new or if they were looking for something specific based on a tip. When I made it to the front of the line they had me unzip my bag, gave it a cursory glance, and sent me on my way. Didn’t even ask to look at the backpack I was wearing. So it was an entirely pointless exercise. Ah well, grin and bear it, right?

The driver arranged through the Orchid Inn was there waiting. Now this is on me, but I *assumed* he worked for the hotel. Nope. I was preparing to give him a tip when we arrived at the hotel when he told me “that will be 450 pesos”. I’m thinking what the fuck, I could have taken a cab for that price. Eh, I’m committed to maintaining a “who cares” attitude this trip. Paid him the 450 and checked into our just before 2:00 a.m.

Stay tuned for part 2. Eun Oke’s first experience on Walking Street in beautiful downtown Angeles City.

That suits me just fine

Posted on 31/August/2016 by John McCrarey

Here I am in my birthday suit..

I never expected that I’d ever be buying a new suit. But a new job and new requirements conspired to make such a purchase inevitable. I’ve learned the hard way not to talk about work here on this humble blog, but I guess it is safe to say I attended a meeting with the U.S. ambassador, to Korea, Mark Lippert, today.

You may recall that Mr. Lippert was attacked by a razor blade wielding assailant last year. As fate would have it, one of the attendees at today’s meeting was also present on the day Mr. Lippert was slashed. According to this gentlemen, he was the third person to restrain the attacker. By his account it was his foot that was placed on the throat of the slasher. You can see a video recreation at the link above if you so desire.

Anyway, no violence at today’s meeting thankfully. Mr. Lippert was *ahem* very diplomatic during the meeting and there were really no surprises, which is the best possible outcome in affairs of this nature. So I left pleased.

Rode over to the embassy with a 2-star general in one of those fancy cars, so that was a treat I suppose. One thing I learned is that I need to get me some business cards made. It seems so 20th century but it was awkward during the introductions when I didn’t have a card to share. Aw well, I’ve had worse occasions of a faux pas I suppose. Next time I’ll be better prepared.

Here’s a random shot from my birthday that I rather like:

My Commie friend Choonae (right front) treated me, my drinking buddy Hae Young (left front) and my yoja chingu to a birthday. Yes, I'm lucky. Get over it.

My Commie friend Choonae (right front) treated me, my drinking buddy Hae Young (left front) and my yoja chingu to a birthday shot. Yes, I’m lucky. Get over it.

Tomorrow I fly to the Philippines. I guess I should say we, because I’m bringing “sand to the beach”. What the hell. Might as well find out if Eun Oke can handle the lifestyle.

Anyway, it’s all good. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.

Long Time Gone

Category Archives: The story of my life