Or so it would appear. Or maybe it’s natural for a German to want to eclipse an Austrian. Even if it wasn’t just an old fashioned pissing contest, the outcome was pretty much a fiasco. Clusterfucks like what occurred yesterday left me shaking my head in wonder and fearing for the future.

Do I have your attention now? Alright, good. Perhaps my introductory paragraph contains some amount of hyperbole, but I seriously do have doubts and concerns about the direction my beloved Hash seems to have taken. Here’s why:

Almoranas was the Hare. In my experience, he does a poor job marking a trail, but the trail itself, while usually challenging, is not over the top. That wasn’t the case yesterday. It seems he wanted to outdo Guenter’s monster trail from last week. So, he laid an 11K + path that included two outrageous climbs. And unlike Guenter, he didn’t provide an alternative trail or warn anyone what they were in for. That, in my opinion, is pure bullshit. Moreover, I think it is dangerous and irresponsible. The Subic Hash kennel primarily consists of old retired fuckers, women, inexperienced hikers, and an assortment of visitors from out of town. Now, we do have a handful of really strong individuals who can handle hikes like this without difficulty; but they are definitely in the minority. To not give a heads up to the folks who would struggle with an arduous hike, nor offer any other option is just plain wrong. That’s how I see it anyway.

The feedback on the trail during the circle was universally negative. The ones who like a hard trail were unhappy that it was so poorly marked. Others thought it was too long and too difficult to complete in the allotted timeframe (Guenter had started his long trail two hours early). Of course, we didn’t get to hear from the six Hashers that weren’t back yet when the circle started. The final three got back after dark. That’s just scary to think about them making their way down a mountain in the dark.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I believe the primary responsibility of the Hare is to lay a trail with the safety of your fellow Hashers in mind. Poorly marked trails get people lost. Long and hard trails that can’t be finished by sundown are inexcusable.

I’m not sure what the answer is here. I’m not really in favor of hamstringing the Hares overmuch, they are volunteers after all. Perhaps it is time to make what I do (and had the foresight to do yesterday) “official”–we provide at least one trail each week that everyone can do. There were seven in my group yesterday. We did about 6.5K and at our slow pace, it took nearly two and half hours to complete. Even at that, we got back “On-Home” before the first of the runners on the long trail did. I don’t think the Hares like it when people like me undermine their efforts by making our own trail. All I can say to that is, “fuck you, I’ll do whatever I think is best for me”.

Sorry for the rant. Here are pictures from the alternative trail:

Anyway, I’ve got a group I can walk with regardless of whoever the Hare might be. Anyone of like mind is welcome to join us. Next week, Leech My Nuggets is the Hare. He always lays a well-marked trail and tells you upfront what you can expect. Once when he was the Hare I got in the truck to head out to the start of his trail. He said, “John, I don’t think you want to do my long trail today.” That’s the way to Hare! Leech told us his trail next week is 7.5K. I’m sure there will be ample opportunity to shortcut should the need arise.

On-On!

Survived yet another Hash run yesterday. This one was a bit over 6K and took me right at two hours to complete. Guenter (Vienna Sausage) was the Hare, so of course, the trail featured a hellacious climb. On the other hand compared to his “hard” trail (yes, he did two) I got off easy. The other trail was insane, even by Guenter standards. I honestly have great admiration for those who even attempted that 4 hours long, 400-meter climb.

The trail I did had a ring of familiarity. One portion (the up) I had done on my first-ever Hash back on January 1, 2018. And once we came down off the mountain, we did a section of the oft-traveled My Bitch on the way to our On-Home at the Alta Vista community center. And yes, we did shortcut around a second climb and also avoided a dreaded creekbed walk. I call that keeping it sane.

The pictures tell the story better than I can:

Feel free to Relive the adventure:

So the title of this post brought back to mind the movie starring Peter Sellers. I can’t even remember the last time I thought of that film, but when it came out in 1979 I was a mailman in Prescott, Arizona. I recall some of my fellow carriers raving about how hilarious and yet insightful the story was. I enjoyed it myself but will have to go back as see it again to remember what all the fuss was about.

Here’s the trailer:

Alright, time to meet up with Kate. I’ll let you know what that was all about tomorrow.

We pulled it off successfully. No one got irrevocably lost or injured and most folks seemed to enjoy the trail. The only complaints I heard were that it was “too easy” or “too short”. A couple of Hashers missed one of the early turns but they were able to reconnect with the true trail further on. I think the confusion for them wasn’t in a lack of trail markings but rather anticipating where the trail was going to go and being wrong. When we explained where they had messed up it was “but we’ve never been that way before!”. Precisely.

Anyway, we did our duty and I’ve got the photos to prove it:

I believe in a well-marked trail and my philosophy is better to have too many marks than not enough. We were somewhat limited in the amount of powder we could carry but made up for that with lots of chalk marks on trees and posts.

We started marking the trail at 10:00 and finished around 12:30. I had time go home, shower up, and get back to the On-Home at 2:00. I gave the Hashers their marching orders and sent them On-On at the appointed 2:30 start time. Went across the street to Sit-n-Bull for a light late lunch and a couple of beers. I saw the first of the runners, Leech My Nuggets, complete the trail in 50 minutes. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. I think everyone was back no later than 4:00.

Once the beer ran out, I meandered up the street to the Palm Tree resort, sat on the upstairs deck, and enjoyed me a fine sunset. Nice way to end the day!

Shitty Trail (A Song For The Hares)
S-H-I-T-T-Y T-R-A-I-L
Shitty trail (It sucked)
Shitty trail (really fucked)
The Hares have laid another shitty trail
I would rather drink a beer than hash your shitty trail,
S-H-I-T-T-Y T-R-A-I-L
Drink it Down down, down down
down down Down down,
down down down down…

That’s all for now.

I knew I would be busy this morning preparing the trail for today’s Hash so I thought I would post something last night. Apparently, Windows took issue with that plan:

Yes, I’m just kidding around. I do my drunk posting on Facebook, not here. Anyway, I am fixing to head out to spread some powder on the ground and put chalk arrows on the trees. I’ll share the results of that effort here tomorrow.

Otherwise, nothing much to report. A quiet night for me. A couple of beers at Cheap Charlies, a couple more at a new place called McCoy’s, then headed home to grill up some dinner.

I did have a nice memory from six years ago via Facebook:

Alright, the Hash trail awaits my arrival.

Well, I guess that remains to be seen but there was at least a happy ending to the drama I posted about yesterday. The landlord apologized to the downstairs widow and rehired her. I’m glad she came to her senses and I expect the widow will have learned a lesson about respecting private property and controlling her adult offspring.

Speaking of the children, here’s an unexpected epilog to the story. During the drinking session with the daughter and her boyfriend the other night she mentioned she was hoping to find a job. I must have been drunk because I don’t really remember telling her that the owner of Hunter’s Jo Inn was looking to hire staff. Well, what I said was that Hunter Jo’s was going to be the On-Home for Monday’s Hash and if she wanted to join us I would introduce her to the owner. My group of Hashers met me at the house and as was were preparing to head out, guess who said she was coming along? I was actually surprised because as I said, I forgot I invited her.

She did the trail without complaint, got deflowered successfully during the Hash virgin ritual, interviewed with the owner’s wife, and was given a job offer on the spot. She accepted and starts today.

As for the Hash, it went well too. As I mentioned, my group of like-minded individuals (we leave when we want, walk slow, and shortcut at will) left my place at 2:00, and then we met up with Scott on the My Bitch trail at a location we call “the old man’s house”. That was where we picked up the official Hash trail as laid by the Hare, Leech My Nuggets.

Leech always does a good job, especially with marking the trail. That was a good thing yesterday because 30 minutes prior to starting we had a heavy rain shower. That caused a lot of the powder and chalk to fade, but there was also shredded paper and strings to follow. An interesting trail as well, parts of which I had never done before. I especially enjoyed that. And as is my wont, I bypassed the last hill climb and opted to walk the rest of the way to our On-Home via the highway.

And so concluded a good day on trail. I’m pretty sure next week’s trail will be the best one ever. These three guys are going to Hare:

But wait, before I go I have this:

And just a dash of political humor:

Here is the report concerning my participation in the one thousand four hundred twenty-eighth running of the Subic Bay Hash.

As the title of this post suggests, it was a good trail overall. It began with a climb from hell though. I’d done that up once before so I knew what I was in for and I wasn’t disappointed. Chants of “never again” with each step up did seem to give me a helping push. I guess it’s kinda like that story “The Little Engine That Won’t”. Yeah, I’m being a little overly dramatic. It was harder and steeper than I like but I did make it to the top so there’s that.

Once the initial climb was completed it was pretty much smooth sailing. The trail was well-marked and familiar (we’d done some of it a couple of months ago on one of our group hikes). There was a second uphill portion but that was a breeze compared to the first one. It was a relatively short trail at just over 6K, although I had an additional 2K walk from my house to the starting point.

This was the first Hash with the newly established starting time of 2:30. A few of us said fuck that and started at 1:30. I’m a slow old fart and I don’t like starting later and always being among the last to finish. It took us around two and a half hours to complete the short trail, so we got back On-Home a little before 4:00 p.m. The runners and others started arriving shortly thereafter. So, the early start worked out well for us. I don’t want to be stuck up on the mountain with dusk falling and I hate when the beer supply is exhausted before I can drink my money’s worth. So I expect early departures are going to be the norm for me.

Alright, let’s let the pictures do the rest of the talking, shall we? I’ll start with the Relive video to give some context. This one is from Pubic Head’s (Scott) app because I thought his turned out better than mine. Most of the photos are his as well.

And a good time was had in true Hash fashion.

Yesterday’s Hash didn’t quite go the way I planned. For one thing, I spilled a little blood on trail. I get scratches pretty frequently and once I got stitches after a run-in with barbed wire. But this time I managed to get a rather painful scrape on my elbow. Nothing like keeping things fresh and new, right?

Another thing that happened was that despite my best intentions, I did not complete the 9-kilometer trail as planned. The way it was set up was that the Hashmobile would drop you at the start of the 6K trail, or you could walk the 3K to that point for a longer hike. Well, I hate riding in the truck enough that it made the additional distance palatable. So, off we went.

My group included the usual suspects–oldsters, Hash virgins, and folks who just prefer a pleasant hiking experience. And on flat ground, I can do a 9K without much problem. I was aware that there were two climbs between the start and the On-Home but I figured I could always bypass them if I wasn’t feeling like doing a hill when I got there.

Right after we had begun the trail the Hare, I’m A Fucking Cupcake, caught up to us to ask if we realized we were doing the long trail. We assured him that this was our intention. He appeared genuinely surprised, then shrugged and wished us well. We continued on and then maybe ten minutes into the hike along the riverside we hit a wall. Literally.

After that incident though, the trail was actually quite enjoyable. I was familiar with the area, in fact, I had been in the vicinity for my Sunday stroll, but had never walked these particular paths before. I really enjoy the seeing something new aspect of Hashing.

At around 4K there was a water stop. The Hare and the truck were there and cold water was provided. That was a nice touch. We were given the opportunity to ride back to the On-Home from there, but everyone (including the virgins who appeared tired) opted to continue on. And that’s just what we did. Until we didn’t.

We were on the trail another kilometer or so from the water stop when once again the Hare appeared seemingly out of nowhere. He seemed a little concerned for our well-being and suggested we make a turn further on up the trail and then meet the truck on the highway. I figured we could see how we felt once we reached that point and then decide what to do. Maybe the virgins would be ready to ride by then at least.

Apparently, there was some misunderstanding because we made the turn, hit the pavement, but there was no truck in sight. So nothing to do but continue on up the road. And then a couple of kilometers later we spotted the truck parked up ahead.

I walked on up the trail where the Hare had gone for a way but saw no sign of him. My Fitbit advised me that I had reached my daily step count goal of 20,000 so I shrugged and headed back for the truck. Which while in the process of turning around had stalled and wouldn’t restart. Luckily we were able to push it to the downhill part of the road where the driver, Cunt Hunter, was able to do a clutch start. So we all loaded up in the back and went to pick up the Hare who had ended his search for us further up the highway.

And then we drove back to the On-Home which was the long and uncomfortable ride I had hoped to avoid to begin with. Ah well, the best-laid plans and all that. Anyway, Pubic Head and I plan to take the Wednesday walking group to the portion of the trail we missed yesterday and give it a try.

Here are some more photos from the day:

On-On!

Yesterday’s Candy Run Hash was for all appearances quite a success. Especially if you measure success by the smiles on the faces of the children we encountered. I’ll let the photos do the talking:

Merry Christmas from the Subic Bay Hash House Harriers!

I didn’t, I took the short cut. One climb on yesterday’s Hash was enough for me and my tired lungs. I felt a little bad about it though because I had a passel of newbies following me and when I pointed out the trail leading up the mountain and encouraged them to go forward they all declined and played it safe with me. So, we had a flat but boring highway walk to the On-Home at Hunter’s Jo Inn. Here are some photos from my abbreviated hike:

And so ended another Hash Monday. Next week, I’ll be a Hare along with Pubic Head for the annual Candy Run. We are plotting a 4-5K stroll through the streets of Barretto handing out candy (and cookies!) to the kids. Rumor has it that Santa Claus himself may be joining in on the fun!

Yep, it was a fuck up. Something I’ve never seen happen before and hopefully, never will again. The trail wasn’t particularly well-marked but that wasn’t the worst of it. Turns out there were TWO trails, the one the Hares marked on Saturday and a different version they marked on Monday morning. Hey, nothing wrong with changing your mind but here’s a pro tip: erase the marks on the abandoned trail! Yep, you guessed it. The group I was hashing in followed the wrong trail.

It was kinda funny the way it went down. Black and Dick Her, a relatively new Hasher, was out front. We got to an intersection and she turned to the left. We called her back and pointed out that not one, but two trees, were marked with arrows pointing to the right. We teasingly chided her for not paying attention. So we headed off to the right and weren’t seeing many marks, but eventually, we’d find an indication that we were On-Trail. A bit later we encountered Anal Receptive, a very experienced Hasher, coming back towards us saying he had lost the trail. We reassured him we had just seen a trail mark and this trail was the only option, so he joined our group and we trudged on. A good bit later we did find another tree arrow confirming we were indeed on trail. And that was the last one we saw.

Luckily, we all knew where we were and took a trail that led back down to the Columban College area. On the way, we encountered another group of Hashers who had lost the trail and were taking an alternative route back to the On-Home in Alta Vista. We wished them well and continued on, not quite ready to give up yet. As we walked we discussed the best way to go and then we encountered the Hash trail mark heading towards Rizal Extension. Hmm. We all wanted to know just how we had lost the proper trail, so we decided to walk the trail backwards to see where we had gone wrong. That’s what we did and that’s how we found out that Black and Dick Her had been correct when she instinctively turned left. We also photographed the arrows indicating the right turn that we took. We continued to backtrack to the On-Home where the Hares acknowledged the error of their ways.

Anyway, no great tragedy and it did add an element of adventure to our hike. I saw the map of the second half of the trail we didn’t take and I’m not sorry I missed it. Here are some photos from the day, most of them taken by Pubic Head:

I wound up getting drunker than normal and went straight home after the Hash. Up earlier than usual since I was in bed before eight. Yeah, no shit, that’s just sad.

It’s all good though. Well, at least I hope so.

It pains me to say this but yesterday’s Hash proved to be, well, interesting. And not necessarily in a good way.

Things took a turn for the unexpected when I arrived at the meet-up location only to be told that a large group had already departed. I checked my watch and it was only 11:40. The run was supposed to begin at noon. What got my goat though was that the group of female Hashers I “sponsor” (pay their $7.00 entry fee) had left without me. I’m not sure why that bothered me so much, I guess it just made me feel like a chump. So I started the trail in a foul mood.

I can’t say that my state of mind was a contributing factor, but early in the climb up Black Rock mountain I somehow got distracted and tripped over a stump in the trail. The resulting loss of balance caused me to fall over sideways and onto another tree stump. My pride was hurt as much as anything, but I did spill some blood on the trail.

I was still pissed when I arrived at the On-Home venue and made it clear that I wouldn’t be paying sponsor fees in the future Yeah, I can be an asshole like that at times. One of the girls left in tears. It was probably as much a matter of misinformation as bad intent I suppose. I’m over it now. Mostly.

Anyway, here are some pictures from Subic Bay Hash Run #1421. As usual, I pulled these off our Facebook page so not all of them are mine. Credit where it is due and all that.

I skipped the last portion of the trail and took the highway. Just didn’t have another climb in my tired old body. Plus, I had lost a lot of blood. Yeah, that’s my story! Actually, I did hear that one of the Hashers had to go to the hospital for stitches after taking a fall coming down Black Rock. I guess I got nothing to complain about.

Not that that has ever stopped me.

Why not? What else is there to do? Oh, Vienna Sausage (Guenter) is the Hare? Well, how bad can it be? Let’s go!

Oddly enough, the trail was not all that bad. Yes, the anticipated steep up but it was at the beginning before my strength had ebbed. And it was a new path I had actually been curious about, so now I know not to do it again! The down was steep and semi-treacherous and there were better and less dangerous ways to go, but again, no surprise that this Hare took the hard way. Actually, the biggest complaint besides my usual whining was that the trail was poorly marked. Saw quite a few Hashers along the way who had lost the trail. My group did too on one occasion and we had to spend several minutes looking for the trail again later. That’s very unusual for Guenter.

Anyway, here’s some pictures from the afternoon:

If I do say so myself. And that’s one of the benefits of writing this blog, I get to say whatever the hell I want!

The feedback from yesterday’s Hash was very positive. As I had hoped, several of the Hashers expressed surprise because they had been expecting an “old man’s trail” and instead got something a tad more challenging with TWO climbs! Yeah, I was actually surprised myself when we laid the trail. It took the runners a little over an hour to finish which is on the long side for a 6K trail. One thing about this trail was that it was difficult to shortcut so almost everyone did the entire distance. No one got lost that I know of although a few missed one of the early turns and had to retreat to find the right path. That’s the benefit of a well-marked trail. If you don’t see some powder or chalk every 50 yards or so you know it’s time to turn around and figure out where you went wrong. So, I’ll say mission accomplished for this Hare experience.

I’m also happy to report that our first time using the Alta Vista community center as our On-Home venue was by all accounts successful. People seemed to enjoy both the ambiance and the pool. The staff were all very friendly and enjoyed having us, saying they’d like to have us come every week. Well, that won’t happen but hopefully, we will add them to our rotation.

The only issue with the food was it turned out there wasn’t enough. I think we sold out before the last of the walkers returned. Definitely will need to at least double the quantity next time. One guy ate three of those sausages. He’s a German so they must have been good. I had been a little nervous about my chili. I’ve cooked for friends and workmates before but I don’t think I’ve ever actually sold anything I’ve made. It went quickly too and several people complimented me on the flavor. One person even ordered a serving for take-out. Ha! Honestly though, I don’t do anything special, just the standard ingredients and a store-bought seasoning mix. Well, I do one can of pinto and one of kidney beans but otherwise, it’s just a lazy man’s crockpot recipe. Didn’t even put pineapples in it this time! Anyway, I’m glad people liked it.

I was feeling no pain when the Hash concluded but that didn’t stop me from joining a group of folks going to check out a new place in town called Beach Please. I love the name and we are considering them as another option for hosting a future Hash. From there some of us visited Cheap Charlies but I was one and done after that. Hell, I was done when I got there. I vaguely recall going to Sit-n-Bull for some grub before taking a trike back home. Woke up in one piece this morning and that’s always a good thing.

I have a few pictures to share:

And that was my day. I declare it a good one.

Greetings and welcome to another Hash Monday! A bit different this week because I’m one of the Hares. That means we did the trail yesterday and won’t be re-walking it today. I will greet the Hashers at our Alta Vista Community Center starting point then send them on their way over our carefully prepared and well-marked Hash trail.

Our On-Home is also at the community center, a first for the SBH3. Because of pandemic-related restrictions, only two venues have been willing to accommodate the Hash. That gets tiresome and frankly, both locations are far from ideal. Of course, the community center may not be a great option either but at least it is worth a try.

Here are some photos from yesterday’s Hare work:

One of the drawbacks of the community center On-Home venue is the lack of food availability. Then again, the food at the other venues basically sucks. Today a couple of the female Hashers have taken on the kitchen duties to feed a hungry kennel after the hike. Not totally altruistic as they see it as a potential profit-making opportunity.

Menu options will include:

Here’s hoping for a good day of Hashing and a fun time at the circle afterward. As a Hare, my goal is always that no one gets lost or injured on trail. I’ll post an after-action report here tomorrow.

See you then!

There’s a first time for everything they say, and yesterday was the first time I was pleasantly surprised when hiking a trail laid by Vienna Sausage (Guenter). Don’t get me wrong, it was plenty challenging it just wasn’t insane. I appreciated that. I actually mentioned to the co-Hare, Anal Receptive, that he must have exercised some strong arm twisting to prevent the creation of a Guenter-style nightmare. He admitted that he did have to work hard to convince Vienna to avoid being overly extreme. Their compromise was adding a “hard” section to the trail for those crazy people who enjoy such nonsense. Anyway, it worked for me.

And so ended another day with the Hash. Considering how I figured we’d be precluded by a typhoon it turned out to be an unexpectedly nice time indeed.

Sorry I was unable to post here yesterday. Sometimes life intrudes and not always in a bad way. More on yesterday tomorrow. For now, let me recap the events of Monday’s 27th Anniversary of the Subic Bay Hash House Harriers.

I guess a good place to start is with what I got at the finish–the traditional anniversary Hash shirt:

We had 75 in attendance which is about triple our usual pandemic numbers. We took two truckloads out to the starting points, one for the long 8K and the other for the 5K trail.

And that’s pretty much how the day went. I was snockered by the end and triked directly home at the conclusion of the circle.

So, that made two Hash runs in a row and it turns out that yesterday I did an unanticipated third–a Bundok run. That’s the “men only” Hash. I’ll tell some of that story tomorrow and some can simply not be disclosed due to the “what happens at the Bundok, stays at the Bundok” rule.

See you there!