About John McCrarey

Born and raised in southern California. My career exodus has taken me to Arizona, Oklahoma, Arkansas, South Carolina, Virginia, and Washington, DC. And as of 23 January 2005, Seoul, Korea. Married with 6 grown children (blended family). First grandchild is in the oven! I created this blog to document my adventures as an expat living and working in Korea. I'm also pretty confident that I will on occasion feel the need to express my views on current events and other matters I find of interest.

Lonely sadness

Posted on 20/April/2021 by John McCrarey

That’s what love is. At least according to a Japanese animated film called Garden of Words. I haven’t watched it, but Althouse did and blogged about it today. Interesting stuff, even if you don’t understand a lick of Japanese. The writer of the film says “lonely sadness” can be interpreted as “longing for someone in solitude”. I can relate to that sentiment.

Here’s the trailer for the movie:

I guess it resonates for me because I’m not really looking for love anymore, although I do have my moments of longing. Longing for something I lack the courage to pursue is a whole other level of fucked up. Might not even translate into Japanese (or any other intelligible language). Ah well, it’s the path I’ve chosen. We’ll see where it leads.

Meanwhile, I did have a little Joy in my life this afternoon. My safe haven program I call “friends with benefits” is actually proceeding according to plan. Joy has stepped up and is playing her part exactly as I intended–she checks in with me frequently, sends sweet messages, and acts as if she sincerely cares about me. Just as I hoped and imagined my beneficiary would respond. Good job, Joy!

Today we met up and had lunch at Treasure Island. She’s not much of a conversationalist, but we watched what was on television together (a show called Blacklist that looks pretty good) and had a couple of beers. Then we came back to my place and had some nice boom-boom. We are actually quite compatible in the sexual intercourse aspect of our “relationship”. So, I guess I can deem myself satisfied.

Except I’m not. Even though everything is going just as I hoped and imagined it would, it still feels empty and meaningless. I mean, I enjoy being In Joy, and the sex is much better than it would be with a stranger/prostitute, I miss the passion that comes when you have feelings for someone. But passion brings the risk of pain, and I have traveled that road too many times in this life already. So, I guess I just need to content myself with the safety of settling for less.

I still let my imagination carry me away sometimes though. Take Padz, for instance. She’s been working at Alley Cats for a few months now. I mentioned her in an earlier post and shared this picture:

Oddly enough, when I first met Padz I wasn’t attracted to her at all. Too chubby for my tastes (yeah, like I’ve got room to talk). But as sometimes happens, as I got to know her, I saw that beauty inside. One day I found myself thinking “when did she get so pretty?” Alas, Padz has been decidedly non-responsive to my flirtations. It’s weird, her job is to pretend to like her customers, but even when I buy her a lady drink, Padz seems reluctant to even sit with me. Maybe she’s just shy, but more than likely, she just doesn’t share the feelings I’ve developed for her. It’s too bad really because I can imagine us sharing some laughs and enjoying our times together. Hell, I confess I’ve even dreamed about her. Oh well.

So all that said, I was surprised when she accepted my offer of sponsoring her at yesterday’s Hash. Well, it’s not like she actually Hashed with me, she hung out with the other girls and was usually far ahead of me on trail. Still, it was nice to see her outside of the bar context and she professed to have enjoyed herself.

***Thanks for joining me, er, us!*** ***You might have noticed that’s a selfie.*** ***I stole it from her Facebook page.***

***She got all shy when I tried to take her picture.***

***Padz (real name Jiselle) on her first ever trail.***

***Ain’t she sweet? I cropped everyone else out of this shot.***

So, Padz being a Hash virgin, I explained in advance the basic Hash rules. One is don’t point with your finger and another is don’t use someone’s real name. We even practiced several times before the Hash circle commenced. And then when the Grandmaster asked her who brought her to the Hash, she pointed at me and answered “John”.

***As the sponsor, I was duly punished for her transgressions.***

Another part of the deflowering ritual requires that you drink an entire bottle of beer, without the bottle leaving your lips. If it does, the remaining contents are poured over your head. As we say at the Hash, “it’s like a blowjob. What doesn’t go in you, goes on you!”

Now, Padz isn’t a big beer drinker so I expected she’d be getting her head wet. But nope, in what may have been the slowest “down-down” in Hash history, she managed to finish all the beer with the bottle never leaving her lips. Good job!

Anyway, Padz is a sweet gal, and if she were willing to give me a try I’d probably go for it. Looks like she is going to save me from myself though. Likely for the best I suppose.

Alright, it was a good Hash yesterday. I did a couple of shortcuts, but stuck with most of the trail. We climbed to the ridgeline again and there ain’t no easy way up. The route we took wasn’t as hard as some of the others at least. Here are a few pictures to give you a taste:

**It was a hot day which made the climb all the more challenging…**

***Just a bit more to go to reach the ridge…***

***So, I don’t always mention it, but this guy deserves credit for a lot of our hiking photos. Thanks, Scott/Pubic Head.***

***I wonder why the air is hazy? Oh, never mind. It’s burning season.***

***The obligatory Easter mountain shot.***

***I pass by this way maybe once a month at best, but these kids always remember me…***

***Well, they remember that I bring them cookies at least.***

**What’s this nonsense? The Hare wants us to go down here then climb back up? I don’t think so!**

***The old watering hole–bathing, laundry, and drinking…***

***The last of the down, then a walk across town to our On-Home at Queen Victoria…***

***In addition to the virgin deflowering, we helped Black And Dick Her, Whatever You Want, and Leaking Pussy, celebrate birthdays in the traditional Hash fashion.***

And that’s pretty much how my day went. Running late for darts, so I’ll end this post with this bit of wisdom:

***I choose to broadly define living, but I do appreciate every day I’m granted…***

Balls to the wall

Posted on 19/April/2021 by John McCrarey

A busy day yesterday. Started with a goodly long (for me) solo walk, back home for a nap and shower, then off again to do my duty as the leader of the Barretto Singles League.

It was the end-of-season playoff tournament for the Champs Division of the league. I play in the Stars Division, and we have our playoffs this coming Saturday. Yesterday I was there to make sure everyone understood the format and handle any glitches or issues that might arise. We actually have two tourneys; the top three play for the championship, the other three players compete for the “Best of the Rest” honor.

There was, in fact, a glitch to deal with when only two of the three players showed up for the championship bracket. Easily fixed, the no-show (who had a death in the family) was deemed to have forfeited, leaving the remaining two players to compete for first place. What was supposed to have been a round-robin format (each player plays the others) in seven-leg matches, became a head-to-head best of seven event. It was also husband versus wife, which made for a bit of added drama. Mark dispatched his sweet wife 4-0, so at least the pain didn’t last long.

Nina, our second-place finisher. She’s actually someone who has really benefitted from competing in the Singles League. It’s been nice to watch her game improve week-to-week. Her husband told me she is also actually watching dart videos on YouTube to improve her strategic play. Good for her, I admire that kind of dedication.

Mark is this season’s champion for the Champs Division. A very strong player who would have been in Stars Division but for a fiasco created when another player quit mid-season. Mark graciously agreed to play out the season with the Champs. And now he is one!

All three players showed up for the Best of the Rest tourney, bless their hearts! So we got to play it out as it was intended. And it turned out to be a very nice tourney. The first two players up were Kevin and Dorie. Kevin finished fourth in Champs and Dorie was dead last by a long shot. I was surprised at how well Dorie played though, finishing her match with Kevin with a 4-3 lead. Next up for Dorie was Troy, who has also been coming on strong lately. He took the first four legs and appeared to be headed for a sweep, but Dorie came back to win the last three legs. So Dorie finished with a total of 7 wins.

The final match then was Kevin and Troy going head-to-head. Since Troy already had four wins, he would take the tourney if he won four more against Kevin. Kevin started with three wins, so he had to win five of the seven legs against Troy for a victory. That didn’t seem likely to me. Troy took the first leg and then Kevin caught fire, winning five legs in a row to earn the crown of Best of the Rest.

***Everyone is a champ in the Champs Davison!***

Facebook memories shared this video I “created” nine years ago about Hitler finding out his dart team was playing my team, Ride it In. The names of teammates mentioned brought back a flood of memories, especially involving my now deceased friend and team captain, Bridget Werner. Those were my good ol’ days for sure.

After the dart tournament was completed, it was just a little after 4 p.m. I hoofed it over to the It Doesn’t Matter bar for a couple of more beers. Then I decided I needed to drop in and say hello to the gals at Cheap Charlies. Some more beer and lady drinks purchases, then it was time to head on home.

I had some meatballs stewing in the crockpot waiting on me, so I got down to business. Shared some with my basement neighbors as well.

***I was too*** ***tired to remember to get a picture of my dinner meatballs last night. Here’s a shot of this morning’s breakfast balls.***

I made a tasty strawberry-fruit cocktail-yogurt-peanut butter-vanilla ice cream-and milk smoothie for dessert. That hit the spot!

And then I ran out of gas and hit the sack at 8:30. I really think I need to find a way to stay up a little later every night. I’m thinking firing up the TV for an hour or so might be the way to go. I can lay stupefied on the couch and be entertained without thinking too much. For some reason, I remembered the old Addams Family television show today and saw that full episodes are available on YouTube. Get Smart too! Yeah, traveling back to the 1960s every night sounds like a great new routine (rut) for me!

Well, time to get ready to Hash. Stay tuned for more of my shenanigans!

Oh wait, I almost forgot this:

Brown knees

Posted on 18/April/2021 by John McCrarey

A short and sweet post today. Mainly because there is even less than usual to report.

I took a break from darts yesterday. Instead, I walked out to Baloy beach, then caught the raft to the Kokomo’s floating bar. I enjoy the ambiance of drinking on the water but only make it out that way about once a week. Even at that, the girls all know me by name and give me a warm greeting when I arrive. That’s pretty sweet and I wanted to repay that sweetness in kind. So, I baked up a batch of brownies for the girls.

That’s how they looked prior to consumption. Actually, they were quite tasty if I do say so myself. One of the gals commented on how moist they were compared to bakery brownies. Yeah, I use a mix, but still. The secret I think is that my pan is a little smaller than the recipe calls for which makes them thicker and less dry. I don’t follow the “dry toothpick” rule either.

After the girls had their sweet tooth satiated, I told them I wanted to get a picture:

***I think I like their brown knees better than mine! Sadly, I didn’t get a taste….***

A Hashing acquaintance showed up with his female entourage and we chatted for awhile. Then the sun set, so I got up to take a photo.

***Yeah, it’s not perfect here by any measure, but that doesn’t mean it’s not paradise.***

Shortly thereafter I said my goodbyes and caught a trike home. Went to bed at 8:30 on a Saturday night. Hmm, I might have to up my game.

In other news, my part-time helper, Gina, quit and moved out today. No big deal, I only put her to work out of sympathy. I guess she has a foreigner boyfriend sending her support now, so she doesn’t need the job or lodging. Saves me some money too, so win-win.

Via Facebook memories, this photo reminds me of those long ago days when part of my job involved disciplining wayward employees.

It’s good to be retired! In fact, I think I’ll go take a nap now.

Goodbye, Buday

Posted on 17/April/2021 by John McCrarey

Buday died yesterday. She’s the dog who “adopted” me, and I came to think of her as my step-dog. One of the sweetest animals I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. I’m not sure of her breed, but damn, she could run and jump like a gazelle. So, for the last several months she’s been hanging around my house more and more frequently. One of the subdivision maintenance guys was technically her owner, but it didn’t appear that he ever took any interest in her. Buday would always show up in the morning when it was dog chow time for Buddy and Lucky, so I took to feeding her too. Then she would accompany us on our walk through the neighborhood. She loved playing around with my boys, and they enjoyed her company as well. Sometimes in the afternoon, she would be sleeping on my front porch when I headed out for the evening. She would also be waiting when I came home, hoping I was bringing her scraps like pork chop bones.

I guess it was about a week or so ago I noticed Buday was not her usual self. Not running around and jumping into the bushes. She still did the dog walk thing, but didn’t seem to have much energy or enthusiasm. Most concerning was she had a cough and would throw up frequently. I considered taking her to the vet, but she’s not my dog and I felt weird about that. I told her owner that she seemed sick, he just shrugged and said she was probably pregnant. I guess I thought she would get better on her own, but obviously, I was wrong about that.

When I came home from my walk yesterday I saw Buday laying on the neighbor’s front porch. I’d never seen her do that before and I had a bad feeling about it. I remember my previous dog went off down the street when it was time to die. Found her under a porch. I’ve heard dogs want to be alone when they die. I don’t know, maybe just a coincidence. When I got home last night my downstairs neighbor said Buday was dead–they found her where I had last seen her, on the neighbor’s front porch.

I feel really bad that I didn’t do more to help her. I honestly didn’t think she was going to die or I would have found a way to take her to the vet. I know you can’t save them all, but she was a special dog. My basement neighbors were kind enough to dig a hole in my back yard so we could give her a proper burial at least. It was really sad to walk the dogs today and not see her waiting for us. At least her suffering is over. Rest in Peace, Buday!

I was having a pretty good night out until I came home to the bad news. Only seven people at the darts tournament, so we played singles. Cristy was there, so this would be my opportunity to demonstrate my supremacy (not the white kind, I’m brown now). When we met head-to-head in the first round,, Cristy took the victory in a hard-fought match, sending me to the losers bracket. I was able to claw my way back to the finals where I’d have to beat Cristy in two matches to win the tourney.

I was throwing pretty well, but so was Cristy. Still, I managed to win the first match 2-0, setting us up for the winner-takes-all, do or die, final match. I won the first leg, Cristy took the second. The third and final leg would determine the winner. I won the coin toss and chose cricket, my favorite game. It was a battle and a struggle, I was behind most of the game, but managed to stay within striking range. It came down to Cristy needing one bullseye to win, and me needing three bulls. I stepped up to the line and let my first dart fly–bullseye! I tossed my second dart and it too found its way to the bull. Now, with two darts already in the bullseye, there wasn’t much room for a third. I was also afraid that with my darts not sticking in the board very well (although I did sandpaper them up which helped a lot) I was just as likely to knock one or both of my bulls out as I was to hit another one. On the other hand, if I didn’t hit that third bull now I may never get another chance against a strong opponent like Cristy. So, I mentally shrugged, focused on my target, and went for the bullseye. And by golly, I hit that motherfucker for the win!

***One of these two is the best player in Barretto. At least last night he was…***

After my victory, I decided to reward myself with a nice pork chop dinner at Mango’s. I got there later than usual, around 8 p.m. When my order hadn’t arrived by 8:30, I told the waitress to box it up for takeout. Hell, it was nearly my bedtime and I was tired. And I had a few beers under my belt as well.

***My dinner in a box. Of course, it was a sad meal after hearing the news about Buday. She loved those pork chop bones…***

So, that’s life in a nutshell I suppose. You experience a high, and then you hit a low. Hopefully, the lows are rare and serve to make the highs all the more satisfying.

Speaking of highs and lows, yesterday also included a hike with the Friday walking group. Scott had an idea about finding a new way up to the Kalaklan ridge, so off we went. We wound up taking a path to the top we had used before, and honestly, it’s about the best way up I know. There’s no easy way, but this trail took a more diagonal route than most, avoiding those steep climbs that are such ass-kickers. The route we took back down, on the other hand, was quite a fucker. I intentionally did not call it a path or a trail because there wasn’t one most of the way. Lots of loose leaves on a steep descent made for some treacherous hiking. We made it though, so there’s that.

Here are some photos from our adventure:

***My fellow travelers for the morning hike.*** ***L-R: Ed, Jim, Scott, Dan, and Troy***.

***The best way from my house was via the My Bitch trail. Met Scott and Jim waiting for our arrival at the mountain family’s house.***

***As I mentioned, the climb up to the ridge was long, but not as steep as it is on other trails.***

***And there is always this nice reward once you reach the top…***

***We did a kilometer or so along the ridgeline, then started looking for a way down. We chose poorly.***

***What the hell? This ain’t no trail!***

***Nothing to be done about it now, just had to make our way down as best as we were able…***

***Scott did the math and determined that sitting on his ass going down was better than falling on his ass. He might have been right about that…***

***All’s well that ends well. We made it down safely and the consensus was “fuck that, never again!”***

Quite a day, all in all. Gonna take a break from darts today. I think sipping some cold beers on the floating bar may be in my near future. I’ll leave you with this thought:

***A free man knows when to walk away from the bullshit. Wake up, sheeple!***

Well you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dT4A3rttrs8

Like clockwork

Posted on 16/April/2021 by John McCrarey

I was thinking in the wee hours of the morning about how the body and mind adapt to the rhythms (or ruts) that make up our daily life. I guess it’s no big epiphany, but for a retired guy with no place to be and no one to answer to, I pretty much reliably adhere to a set schedule. It goes something like this:

0430ish–wake up, let the dogs out, have coffee, catch up on current events through the magic of the internet.

0615–feed the dogs

0645–take my meds, log my blood pressure and vitals, get dressed

0700–take the dogs for a 30-minute walk.

0730–breakfast, either at home or out

0830–morning walk, usually for 1.5 hours. Monday/Wednesday/Friday are group hikes, so the schedule varies. Tuesday is shopping day, so I take the day off from walking.

1100–daily one hour nap

1230–afternoon walk (/Thursday/Saturday/Sunday) usually one hour.

1400–I spend an hour or so with my faithful readers here at LTG.

1630–Head out for my daily dose of beers. Tuesday/Wednesday/Friday/Saturday I’ll throw some darts into the mix.

2000–Rarely get back home later than this. Will come home earlier if I don’t eat out. Usually have a smoothie and a little internet.

2100–I’m almost always in bed by nine o’clock these days.

0130–It is weird that every night I wake up about the same time with congestion, cottonmouth (I breathe through my mouth because of the congestion), and the need to pee. It usually takes an hour or more of processing random thoughts or suppressing memories before I can get back to sleep.

And that’s pretty much my life. And no, I’m not complaining. It beats the hell out of the alternative!

Yesterday afternoon I played the final singles league match of the season against Espie. I literally saved the best for last I guess, winning 13-3 and throwing quality darts consistently throughout the match.

***It was also the most marks I’d thrown this season. Still not back to my glory days level of play, but not bad for an old guy..***.

So this is how the singles league finished up:

Cristy finished with 126 league points to my 114, so in that sense, she won the league. I won all ten of my matches, including two against Cristy, so I guess I could also lay claim to the “best in Barretto” status.

Anyway, it was a good inaugural season, and we still have the finals tournament to complete. The top three (Cristy, me, and Espie) will play head-to-head to determine the champion. Stay tuned!

After my darts match, I headed out to Cheap Charlies to spread some ~~dollars~~ cheer. Bargirls need ~~love~~ money too. Had some beers, bought some lady drinks, and watched the sun go down.

***My drinking companion for the evening…***

That seemed to be a signal to get my ass home as well.

***That’s my place on the lower left…at least for now.***

***As this view from my balcony proves, I made it home before dark. Barely.***

I had some work to do in the kitchen; resurrecting the ribs I had cooked the night before that got preempted by the Korean chicken wings.

***I probably should have left them in the oven a bit longer to turn that bbq sauce into a glaze, but I was hungry and impatient. Still tasted good to me. Does anything else matter?***

Bowl of rocky road ice cream for dessert, then off to bed a bit before 9:00 p.m., just like clockwork. When I woke up at 1:30 in the morning, writing this post was one of the many thoughts that were churning in my head and keeping me tossing and turning until well after 3:00. Oh well, it’s not like I had anything better to do with my time.

And now it is time to head out to Alley Cats for the Friday night dart tournament. Then we will see what happens after that, maybe some Mango’s pork chops are in my future.

I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow!

One of those

Posted on 15/April/2021 by John McCrarey

So, is it a matter of establishing a pattern and rhythm to your life, or is it simply a case of falling into a rut? I guess it’s like the old saw asking whether you are ignorant or apathetic–I don’t know and I don’t care!

That’s what passes for deep thinking in my addled brain these days. I skipped darts last night preferring to take my comfort in the aptly named It Doesn’t Matter bar. After I had consumed my fill of beer, I remembered that it was Wednesday and that means bringing home some Korean-style wings. The only problem was I had plopped two slabs of baby back ribs in the crockpot earlier in the day. Well, damn it to hell, but I have established a pattern (or fallen into a rut), and Wednesday is wing night. The ribs will make a fine meal tonight!

***Wings and kimchi, that’s how I roll. At least on Wednesdays…***

I think I mentioned my Dutch friend, Max, in a recent post. He has tested positive for COVID and is currently self-quarantining at home. Max sent me a link to an article with an interview he conducted. Pretty interesting, give it a read if you are so inclined.

This morning I went out and had an onsite look at the house I mentioned in yesterday’s post. I can’t say much about the quality of the neighborhood in general, but…

The house is okay, but the comments on yesterday’s post ring true. It would definitely be a big step down. The view consists of the barbed wire topped wall surrounding the house. It kind of had a prison-like feel about it. If I had lived there first I probably wouldn’t have known the difference, but now I’d miss what I have too much.

I’ll keep looking, but I’m not really keen on leaving Alta Vista. There are a couple of places available that are better than what I saw today, but not as good as what I have. The one has an apartment upstairs and the residents there are also Hashers. According to them, dogs are not allowed. According to the leasing agent, I can have my dogs with me there. So, you can imagine the potential for conflict that creates. I don’t need the drama in my life. Could be I’ll wind up staying here, although I won’t sign a three-year lease again.

So, that leaves my report from yesterday’s Wednesday Walkers group hike. Five of us in attendance and we did a mostly flat trek of just under 10K. It was familiar terrain but nice because a lot of it was in areas we hadn’t ventured to recently. It was also mostly populated with villages and shanty-towns, so it was good to be out amongst the friendly locals too. The pictures (again, hat tip to Scott for most of these) tell the story of our jaunt better than I can,

***How we rolled. One climb up to Black Rock (or around it for a couple of us), and then we stayed on mostly level ground.***

*This checkpoint as you leave Barretto really pisses me off. It is ostensibly a COVID fighting tool, but serves no real purpose other than to inconvenience the locals and create massive traffic jams.*

***Lots of kiddies out and about…I should have brought more cookies!***

***I think I enjoy giving the cookies as much (or more) than the kids like getting them…***

***It seemed like everyone we encountered was friendly and happy to see us.***

***Watch out for those carabao, they look angry!***

***I can’t remember the name of this, but Filipinos do something with the roots…***

Some guy was way up in that tree hacking off branches with a machete. OSHA would definitely not approve of the fact that he wore no safety equipment, not even a rope. As you can see a couple of the whacked branches got stuck in the powerlines. Not ure what they did to fix that.

***Why am I so thirsty all of the sudden?***

***Lunch (chips/salsa, cheese quesadilla, and chicken nuggets) at my place. Cold beers to wash it down, of course..***.

A good day and a good hike. Stick around and we’ll see what happens next. Will you detect a pattern or a rut?

What to do?

Posted on 14/April/2021 by John McCrarey

I guess I’ll decide sooner or later. I’ll get to that in a minute.

Did my weekly grocery shopping and once again dealt with the frustration of the out-of-stock syndrome that seems so prevalent here. Doubly so, because I went to two different supermarkets in search of some essentials without success. You know, I get that certain imports, like frozen food, may be tough to get these days because of shipping issues. But damn, to be out of canned dog food for two freaking weeks? I bought some at the local veterinarian for 150 pesos a can ($3) because my boys have to eat, but damn. Alright, rant over.

Small turnout for darts last night. With only seven players we did a singles tournament. That suits me fine. I made it to the finals undefeated. Nancy, who I had beaten earlier, was my opponent. You know, I play for fun and I’d had a few beers which drowned whatever competitive juices that may have been flowing (yeah, that’s a convoluted metaphor, isn’t it?). First-place money was 400 pesos and second place was 200 pesos. Nancy would have to beat me twice (win two best-of-three matches) to take first. I offered her a deal where we call it a tie and split the money (300 pesos each). She accepted my offer. That’s a win-win for everyone, right?

Speaking of spoils, the fish and chips place here in town posted on their Facebook page that they had made up a batch of pumpkin tarts, get ’em while supplies last. I sent a message asking if any were still available and they said they still had five left. I hoofed on over and bought myself two to go. They were 70 pesos each, which seemed a bit pricey, but damn, how often do you get anything close to a pumpkin pie in these parts?

**They looked tasty enough. Popped them into the microwave to warm them up a bit…**

***…then gave them a French twist by serving the tarts a la mode…***

It was a nice bedtime treat and a worthy reward for my outstanding darts.

Woke up this morning to this pleasant view:

There are some stray dogs that roam the neighborhood. I’ve seen other people’s trashcans raided, but this was a first for me. Shit happens I guess.

Speaking of the neighborhood, that’s my dilemma–should I stay or should I go? I spoke to the landlord and he wants to increase my rent by 5%, or about $45 a month. He says there hasn’t been an increase in three years. I pointed out that I’ve done all the repairs and maintenance here out of my own pocket and I didn’t think a rent increase was justified. He said the increase in necessary and to let him know next month what I decide.

So, I really like living in Alta Vista. I enjoy the views and the convenience of living here (except when the dogs attack my trash). It is quiet–no roosters, traffic noise, or loud videoke singing, all of which are pretty standard in most neighborhoods. My rent is currently $900. a month. When people hear that, they think I’m crazy for overpaying so much. Well, I can afford it, and truthfully, the increase is the equivalent of what I spend some nights in the bar. But I also don’t like being taken advantage of, and after three years of being a loyal tenant, this increase feels like a slap in the face.

I’ve been looking around some to see what alternatives might be available. There is one place for rent here in the neighborhood for 30,000 ($600), but there are some potential issues with the folks who live upstairs. I’ll save that story for another day. And now I’ve learned of another house that is available on the other side of town that seems to be a viable possibility. I’ve not personally been inside yet, but it is next door to a house of a fellow Hasher and has the same floor plan as his, so I’m at least familiar with the layout.

***It has a large walled yard, a feature I really like. I think my boys would enjoy that freedom too.***

***The side yard, leading to the large back yard, which appears to have a table and chairs.***

***This appears to be a dirty kitchen. I could set up my grill here…***

***Looks roomy. Don’t think the bicycle is included though…***

***The master bath includes a water heater, something I require…***

Not sure why they didn’t send any kitchen shots. I’m going to try and see the place tomorrow.

So, the negatives for me so far are that it only has two bedrooms and is unfurnished. I’ve got a bed and a desk, I’d have to buy everything else. On the other hand, I don’t really use all the space I have now. And the rent is only 20,000 pesos ($400.) a month, less than half of what I’m currently paying.

It’s a pain in the ass to move and I’d really rather not have to, but damn, how can I justify staying here and getting fucked in the ass? I’ll see how I feel after checking the place out personally.

Otherwise, life goes on in its usual fashion. I take each day as it comes and make the best of it. And I’m happy to report that I am not living in fear.

***Well, honestly I don’t give a shit about whether folks choose to wear a mask. That’s their choice and their call. All I ask is the same respect for my choices.***

And as long as I’m in the mode of being obnoxious, how about this Hunter finding a gal and grabbing her by the Harris:

My kind of trail

Posted on 13/April/2021 by John McCrarey

Here’s a surprise for you–no bitches or complaints about the Hash trail yesterday. I did the whole thing (just under 6K) without a problem–no shortcuts required! Only one climb and it was not too difficult. Actually, most of the trail covered the very familiar My Bitch terrain. A good day to be on the mountain!

Let’s go to the photos (credit to Pubic Head for a lot of these):

***Excuse us, folks. Just passing through..***.

So, you may have noticed there ain’t much social distancing happening in the photo above. The VFW is one of our smaller venues and frankly, keeping your distance just isn’t possible. I heard one Hasher actually declined to join in the after-Hash activities because he wasn’t comfortable with the crowd. To each his own. Anyway, shortly after the circle concluded the security guard came and advised us the police were outside. That was the end of the Hash–we all grabbed our shit and headed out before the cops came in.

The next stop for a few of us was the It Doesn’t Matter bar. We took up the outdoor seating and were enjoying our beers until this happened:

***That looks like the same vehicle that was parked outside the VFW. I don’t know if they followed us or just spotted us in our new location.***

**I didn’t stick around to find out what was going to happen next–paid my tab and left. Apparently,** ***they were enforcing social distancing requirements. Hopefully,*** **the bar got off with just a warning.**

That was enough excitement for me for one day, so I headed out and took a trike back to my house. Made myself a smoothie, then hit the sack.

Let me close today’s post on a lighter note:

***I thought it was funny. Your mileage may vary..***.

Less is more

Posted on 12/April/2021 by John McCrarey

Or so it seems. A bargirl sitting next to me on the floating bar asked me, “how’s life?”. I gave her my standard response of “always good”, but it did get me briefly thinking about my life. One could say that it is empty and devoid of meaning and purpose, I suppose. Hell, just perusing my posts here at LTG would provide ample support for that thesis. On the other hand, perhaps meaning and purpose are overrated. I did my 35 years as a productive member of society (alright, I exaggerate. I worked for the government. But, still…) and these days I choose to live a simple life doing things that please me. Or at least fill the hours. So what if I spend my retirement as a walkaholic/dartaholic/alcoholic? It may not be the life I imagined, but it is the one I’ve got. I choose to be satisfied and live it one day at a time,

Here’s another perspective on the subject:

***The view I enjoyed as I sipped my beer and contemplated the meaninglessness of life. Some might even call me lucky!***

Anyway, I didn’t waste much time on pointless contemplation. After a couple of beers on the floating bar, I hoofed it over to Cheap Charlies and satiated the thirst of some bargirls there. Despite being late in the afternoon on a Sunday, there were enough customers around to make my preferred seating unavailable. When the hunger pangs struck, I got to thinking about the pork chop dinner at Mango’s. So I headed on over.

I was pleased to see my favorite beachside perch was unoccupied. I quickly discovered why–there were these gnat-like bugs swarming all around the seating area. No thank you! I stopped by the manager’s office on the way out and advised her of the situation, suggesting she get a large fan to blow those pests back on the beach. Still hungry, I went next door to Palm Tree and was disappointed to find their entire outdoor seating area was occupied. Not sure if it was a private party or what, but I’ve never seen that kind of crowd there.

Running out of options on this side of town, I crossed the street and visited The Pub. They don’t have outdoor seating at all, so I did my usual thing and ordered my food to go.

***I hadn’t tried John’s fish and chips before, but they are excellent. Couldn’t resist doing another order of bulgogi too. My hunger was satisfied at last!***

Speaking of food, I came across this on one of my internet surfing trips and found it funny:

***I trust the English translations are accurate.***

In other news, a five-year-old Filipino child drowned at the beach the other day. Not surprising really, I’ve seen these young kids playing unsupervised in the water quite often and wondered what the parents were thinking in allowing their child to be in danger. Still, it was sad to hear. The authorities sprang into action after the incident though:

*Yes, they closed down the beach resort where the drowning occurred. The reason being that under the COVID rules, children under 14 are not allowed to leave the house. A rule absolutely no one obeys.*

While we are on the subject of COVID, I heard from Max, one of the folks who rode in the car with me to Angeles City last month. He was supposed to fly home to the Netherlands this week, but tested positive for COVID and was not allowed to travel. Makes me wonder now if the illness I experienced may have been COVID after all. Not that it matters, I’m feeling fine now.

So, it’s Hash Monday today. The Fucking Old Man is the Hare. He is in his 80s, so I anticipate a trail I can actually do without deviation. I noticed on the dog walk this morning that part of the trail passes through Alta Vista. Anyway, I’ll have something more or less interesting to post about tomorrow.

Until then…

Join the club

Posted on 11/April/2021 by John McCrarey

Another first in darts yesterday…first out, that is. Just one of those nights. I didn’t throw up to my recent standards, but didn’t totally suck either. Even threw the coveted “perfect” 180 score (three triple 20s) and still lost the leg. That’s how it goes sometimes.

It was also Cherry’s birthday, so the tourney featured food and cake and a fair amount of revelry. I contributed brownies, as is my custom. Lots of compliments, so thank you Betty Crocker!

I’ve had a lazier than normal Sunday thus far. Decided to treat myself to breakfast out, but when I walked past Sit-n-Bull I noted both outside tables were occupied, so I kept on going. I like to eat outside now too whenever possible. One of the guys in the smoking area called out “you’re looking good”. That seemed a little weird and I wasn’t sure how to respond. He asked me how old I am and I told him 65. He gave me a thumbs up. I’m guessing Sit-n-Bull was full of people up for the weekend from Angeles City. Barretto has been hopping with refugees from the lockdown imposed there. Good for the businesses here and I’m happy with that, but it can be a pain in the ass.

I walked the back streets of town, then circled around to the highway trying to decide on my Plan B location for breakfast. I thought about one of my old favorites, the Arizona hotel, but decided they’d likely be full of weekend tourists as well. Then as I passed by the Pearl restaurant, I saw the coveted outside table was empty, so I grabbed it. Ordered up a cup of coffee and decided on a club sandwich for breakfast. I was surprised to see carrot cake on the menu, so I asked for a slice of that too.

***As you can see, I’d eaten half the sandwich before I got around to taking a photo.***

That’s the carrot cake in the background. Nothing like I’m used to, though. The texture of the cake was heavy, and you couldn’t really taste the lightly applied cream cheese frosting. I mean, it tasted fine, it just wasn’t what I expected.

I had intended to do my extended morning walk after breakfast, but I blew it off and came home for a nap instead. After I woke up, I did finally get around to updating the stats for the singles league,

I still have one match to play, but Cristy has an insurmountable lead in total points, despite my beating her twice in league play. She has accomplished that by dominating everyone but me and throwing better overall, which generates mark points. Anyway, we will both be in the Championship playoffs next Sunday, so we can decide who’s best then.

I still need to get some steps in. I’ll probably walk out to Baloy beach, then check out how things are going on the floating bar. They say you should go with your strengths, and drinking beer and being lazy are two things I do well.

Until next time, then.

Let’s roll!

Posted on 10/April/2021 by John McCrarey

I’m always riding life’s roller coaster it seems, but it’s nice to be on top for a change. And yeah, I know what that means is coming next but I’m going to enjoy this part of the ride as long as I can.

Undefeated in last night’s dart tournament. Some strong competition, but I threw consistently well all night. The highlight was probably an unlikely 99 out (triple 19, single 10, double 16) for a key victory in the finals. One of my better nights of darts in quite some time.

***We are the champions, my friend. And we kept on fighting till the end…***

After darts, I popped into The Pub to get some take-out dinner to bring home. Had a craving for the Philly cheesesteak sandwich, but couldn’t resist getting some bulgogi as well.

***I don’t eat these often, but when I do, I enjoy them very much indeed…***

***I prefer my bulgogi in a stew, but this was really good too…***

What else? Well, this morning Facebook greeted me with a memory for eleven years ago:

***Everything changes. That fat man is long gone, may he rest in peace.***

I remember some of the anti-marijuana propaganda from my high school days would be captioned “why do you think they call it dope?”. Look how far we’ve come today:

Alright, I’ve got some photos from yesterday’s hike with the walking group to share. It was a relatively short (6K) but challenging trek up to the top of Kalaklan ridge and back down again. Good times!

***Our route up and down the mountain.***

***My fellow travelers on the journey***.

***The climb began with these stairs…***

***Cookies for the kiddies along the way..***.

***Are we there yet? Nope, only half way up so far…***

***That’s a floating island water park down there.***

***It was weird coming across these kids out in the woods scavenging around for something growing wild…probably mangoes..***.

***Just missed me doing a limbo dance under those branches behind me.***

***Yeah, my climb wasn’t hard, comparatively speaking…***

***The high point of the day, both literally and figuratively…***

***On the mean streets of Barretto…in this case, Rizal street.***

***Our hike concluded at Dynamite Dick’s.***

It was a good day. Hope you enjoyed the HIGH lights…

Does it matter?

Posted on 09/April/2021 by John McCrarey

Yesterday’s singles league dart match against Billy didn’t go as expected. She’s one of the top players and I was anticipating a hard fought battle and a close match. I was only half right. I started out by winning all five legs in 501. And then I swept the cricket legs as well. I won the first leg in the 301 competition to take an 11-0 lead. Billy won the next 3 legs in a row, and I took the last 301 game for a final score of 13-3.

The match was much closer than the final score would indicate. All the legs were tough battles that could have gone either way, I just somehow managed to come out on top most of the time. I was very surprised by my performance. Pleasantly surprised, for a change.

After darts, I headed out to what is rapidly becoming my new favorite bar–It Doesn’t Matter. I like the friendly neighborhood pub vibe, a place where like-minded locals hang out and shoot the shit. I spend all my time sitting in the outdoor portion of the bar. I just don’t like sitting inside to drink anywhere these days it seems. I enjoy the street views and watching people walk by, that’s much more entertaining than the indoor activities (pool and bargirls).

Some of my fellow travelers from last night. Actually, the guy in the middle, Cliff, is one of the owners. The shy girl next to me is Roan. I bought her lady drinks and dinner in exchange for her company. She even laughed at my jokes!

About that dinner, IDM doesn’t have a kitchen but food delivery from Myleen’s, conveniently located just around the corner, is available. Myleen’s is a relatively new place in town that I hadn’t had a chance to try yet, but it gets consistently good reviews. Mexican and pasta dishes are their specialties. I decided to save the Mexican for another night and wasn’t feeling like lasagna, so I did a sweet and sour pork dish.

I was actually a little disappointed. Take-out of course is not the same experience as dining in, but the plastic fork I was provided didn’t cut it. The pork pieces I mean. I thought the meal would have been better served if the pork had been bite-sized. Next time, I’ll hopefully be up for the Mexican.

Anyway, it was a pleasant afternoon and evening out on the town. Not that it matters.

Fallin’ and spinnin’
Losin’ and winnin’
Keepin’ my head

Watchin’ for signals
Wearisome vigil
Was I misled
I remember you said that you
Don’t want to forget me
It doesn’t matter
Which of our fantasies fled

Lonely and winsome
Calling for someone
Living right now

Something is shallow
Ugly and hollow
Doesn’t even allow
You to want to know how you might
Live for the living and
Give for the giving. Living
Moment by moment
One day at a time
It doesn’t matter
It’s nothin’ but dreamin’ anyhow

A nightmare in Cambodia

Posted on 08/April/2021 by John McCrarey

It doesn’t seem appropriate somehow to measure your good fortune in comparison to the misfortune of someone else. And yet, we’ve all heard that “there, but for the grace of God, go I” saw, or found ourselves saying things like “lucky that’s not me”. Still, I can’t help but appreciate my mundane and mostly no drama life all the more after hearing about a friend’s ongoing nightmare. Get well soon, Dennis!

Third place finish in darts last night. No complaints about that (other than the continued fall outs). The two teams that beat us threw exceptional darts and that’s what it is all about. No shame in losing to superior shooting.

My new Wednesday tradition is popping into The Pub after darts and getting me some Korean-style wings for take-out. Had a nice chat with the owner, John Kim, and after perusing his menu that includes a French dip and a Philly cheesesteak sandwich, I half kiddingly suggested that he add a Monte Cristo sandwich to the selections. It’s actually one of my all-time favorite sandwiches but it has been literally years since I’ve seen one on a menu. The old Dragon Hill Lodge on the Yongsan Army base had them prior to my first retirement in 2010, but I’ve not found one anywhere since.

***Here’s what a Monte Cristo looks like in case you are wondering…***

Anyway, I was surprised when John responded to my request that he was “working on it”. Apparently, finding the right kind of ham cut for the sandwich isn’t easy here in the Philippines. Who knew? But it sounds like I will one day soon relive those glory days of melt in your mouth goodness. Come to think of it, my first time experiencing the taste explosion of a Monte Cristo was at a restaurant in Fort Smith, Arkansas. I recall the location was in the old train station downtown and the Monte Cristo was the house specialty. It’s funny what you can remember about the mundane details of a lifetime while forgetting some of the big stuff. I guess it’s about Biden your time. *Ahem*.

***That’s the chicken wings I brought home last night. Also found some kimchi in stock at Royal supermarket this week, so I had myself a Korean-style feast!***

This morning I set out to do my “long” Thursday solo walk. I usually strive for at least 10K but came up a little short this time.

***I maintained a pretty good pace over mostly flat ground at least…***

Kevin Kim has a post up covering the latest COVID news. His commentary, though. is astounding. As I mentioned in the comments, it is precisely the way I feel about the whole COVID fiasco. I’m going to paste that part here for those of you who might not be motivated to click though. Think of it like this–Kevin’s words, my voice. Is that plagiarism?

The narrative is that masks, social distancing, and all the other trappings of security theater are actually effective at slowing the spread of the virus. The reality is that the virus is going to run its course no matter what we do, and if anything, our vain precautions tend to make matters worse. The essential self-delusion is the same as it’s always been: man can somehow master nature. The harsh truth is that man can only wait for the tidal wave to strike; rebuilding is for the aftermath.
You might reply that fatalism is the wrong attitude to adopt: people have made enormous progress in terms of personal hygiene, public sanitation, and infection control over the centuries; raging diseases can be fought and managed. All true. But look around you: does any of that “progress” amount to mastery of one’s surroundings? No. So hunker down, keep practicing—at the basic level—that commonsense hygiene, sanitation, and IC that you’re so proud of, and don’t worry overmuch: if the destroying angel comes for you because of age, comorbidities, or other weaknesses, then… it’s just your time to go. So be stoic and accept your destiny. That’s about the best you can do. Meanwhile, go live a life unruled by fear.

Kevin’s piece was especially timely for me because my sick friend in Cambodia is hospitalized with COVID. I don’t hear from Dennis very often these days, but I often wonder how he is getting on. He’s a few years older than me and has always been a solitary nomad, travelling the world (Asia, Europe, South America) and exploring on his own. I admire that, but I couldn’t live that lifestyle. I need a home base and the feeling of stability that provides. Anyway, my nightmare would be just what he is experiencing now–stuck in a hospital for going on three weeks now with no outside support. Worse yet, only one of the doctors speaks English and he says he can barely understand her through the masks and shields worn in his presence. He doesn’t have a phone charger and had to “borrow” a charger for his iPad, which is how he was able to shoot me an email. And oh yeah, he’s in diapers.

The good news is that he is feeling better and hopes to get an all-clear test result soon so he can get released from quarantine. Speaking of which, I hadn’t been following the news in Phnom Penh very closely but last time I heard from Dennis the city was open for the most part. Not anymore. Apparently, five female tourists came in from, you guessed it, China, and instead of abiding by the mandatory hotel quarantine procedures, they bribed the security guard and went out partying. Dennis is just one of the 1000 cases that resulted from their inappropriate conduct. Makes you wonder if China is doing this shit on purpose.

Anyway, I’ve got a dart match to throw this afternoon. Thanks for coming by. Oh yeah, don’t expect to be fiddling around in Georgia anytime soon:

Walking around

Posted on 07/April/2021 by John McCrarey

What else am I going to do? Well, actually, I did play darts yesterday against the overall best player in Barretto, Cristy. I wasn’t particularly “on” my game, but I wasn’t throwing all that bad either. My biggest problem remains fall outs. For some reason, or likely a combination of reasons, my darts have a tendency to not stick in the board. It’s really frustrating to have a good throw negated when one (or more) darts fall out. I know that part of the problem is the way I throw; a soft, arcing toss, without a lot of force behind it. When I try and throw harder, I lose control and accuracy, and I don’t have much of that to spare. I replaced the points on my darts recently but that doesn’t seem to have helped much.

Anyway, I was surprised to come out of the 501 portion of our match ahead 3-2. I dominated cricket, which is the game I’m best at, but I was lucky to get 4 of 5 legs from a quality player like Cristy. She came back to take the 301 set, but by then I had secured the match overall, finishing with a 10-6 victory.

***A picture of what exceeding expectations looks like.***

I’ll play the tournament tonight in preparation for my match against Billy tomorrow. Maybe I’ll figure out a way to stick those pointy bastards in the board so they will stay there until I pull them out!

This morning I did some walking around with the Wednesday Walkers. I guess everyone is still recovering from Monday’s Hash as there were only four of us on trail today. I led the group on a comfortable jaunt over My Bitch, then circled around on another mountain and back down into the valley. A bit of an adventure at the end because we lost the trail going down for a bit. They’ve been doing some burning on the mountain and apparently, the trail is little used these days, so it doesn’t look much like a trail anymore. We found it again about a third of the way down, which is good because it is a tough enough downhill on a path; it’s not a good place to be trailblazing.

Here are some photos:

***My fellow travelers, Troy, Jim, and Jens.***

***A family doing laundry the old-fashioned way–in a creek. They are a regular sight on My Bitch and Troy carried them down some cookies.***

***“Where were you on Monday? I was waiting!”***

***Sorting things out. The fence was new since the last time we were up this way. Luckily, this one doesn’t appear it will encroach on the trail. That’s not always the case.***

Looks like the folks in these parts have created their own version of a landfill…I’m not without sympathy, but if you can haul your food in, you ought to haul your trash out. Or maybe I need to check my privilege and just shut up.

***We’ve left My Bitch behind and started up our second mountain.***

***Our trailess and treacherous descent begins. We were fortunate to eventually find our way back to the pathway.***

***A different kind of litter. To protect the mango crop, folks cover the fruit in newsprint bags. When the fruit is eventually harvested, the bags go on the ground. Apparently.***

***I treated the guys to lunch and beers at my house.***

***Buddy didn’t seem impressed with my company…***

Feel free to Relive the hike if you are so inclined.

https://www.relive.cc/view/vDqg7VG5dGq

That’s pretty much how life is in these parts. It could be worse I suppose…

***Yeah, I just wouldn’t fit in back home I’m afraid.***..

I guess there are things I miss, but watching the news ain’t one of them.

***Why people can’t see through this bullshit never ceases to amaze me. Wilfully ignorant? Or maybe just ignorant period.***

***I reckon that’s about enough for this post, don’t you?***

The path not taken

Posted on 06/April/2021 by John McCrarey

So, yesterday was the Subic Bay Hash’s traditional annual trek up Easter mountain. I decided that prudence dictated that I not attempt the climb this year. I’m not 100% “back” quite yet, it’s hot outside, and the long trek to the top is without shade. Not a good combination of factors for a somewhat frail 65-year-old man. Maybe next year.

As an alternative, I did lead the “sane” group on a hike beginning at my house and ending at our On-Home venue, Hunter’s Jo Inn. It was a flat walk that took us an hour and a half to complete. I was actually going to do one of the smaller hills on the Hare’s trail, but one of the members of my group was a pregnant female who wanted to avoid a climb. Well, being the gentlemen that I am… Anyway, the beer was cold at the end of our boring trail, so there’s that. Oh, and I got my Easter Hash shirt.

***The long, hard trail I didn’t take…***

***…and the mountain I didn’t climb. Another day, my friend.***..

***Well, us “sane” hikers were on-trail for a while. The flat parts anyway…***

***The climb I aborted when the preggers gal called me back…***

**A stream you wouldn’t want to swim in. Unless you were feeling suicidal…**

***The “sane” hikers making their way On-Home.***

***Yesterday’s menu at Hunter’s Jo. I went with the ham and cheese sandwich and doubled the price by adding bacon, lettuce, and tomato.***

The owner of Hunter’s is a nice guy and I do enjoy the venue. But the food sucks. Consistently. One thin slice of ham, a slice of cheese, and the mess on the side. Still, it was only $4., so what if I could only eat two bucks worth?

***The front side of my Easter Hash shirt..***.

***And the backside. Has my Hash name and everything…***

My group got back earlier than most of the folks who did the full trail, so I wound up drinking more beer than usual.

***But I was still standing when the sun went down!***

And that was pretty much it for my day yesterday. Now it is time to get ready for darts. Haven’t played (or practiced) in over a week. I have my singles league match against Cristy, so I’m sure there is an ass-kicking in the very near future for me.

I will leave you with this little story that I found quite funny:

Sixty bucks

Posted on 05/April/2021 by John McCrarey

It seems everyone has been posting their Easter sunrise photos. Here’s my contribution:

***Okay, so technically it’s an Easter sunset, but does it really matter? Don’t be such a doubting Thomas! Anyway, that was the view from my perch at Cheap Charlies yesterday.***

I don’t really live on a tight budget. I get my pension payment on the first of every month and I try to make it last until the next month’s deposit. Usually, I even have a few dollars left over to put into my savings account. On a daily basis I don’t even think about it, I spend whatever I feel like spending. Most nights out drinking I reckon I spend less than twenty dollars, including lady drinks. Once in a while though I get bit by the “big spender” bug. Like last night for instance.

Hanging out at Cheap Charlies and drinking beers in the fading hours of Easter Sunday. I bought a drink for my bartender friend, Jona, and several for my waitress, Tina. When I first arrived the place was pretty dead. The lack of customers doesn’t bother me, of course, but the gals that were working on the holiday didn’t seem happy about the lack of opportunity to make some commissions. After a couple more beers I started feeling sorry for the girls, so I called out to Jona to bring me a menu. Consultation over what the girls might like for Easter dinner resulted in my placing an order for chicken wings, Shanghai lumpia, and rice for eight hungry ladies. The bill came to 1400 pesos, less than $30. It doesn’t cost much to be popular here!

Everyone seemed much more cheerful with a full stomach and as the evening progressed more customers wandered in. I drank my fill and didn’t let Tina’s glass get empty. When I was ready to go, my drink tab totaled 1200 pesos. So, with generous tips for Jona and Tina, I was out another $30. Sixty bucks for a nice night of food and beverage, but no debauchery, is a bargain in my book. I certainly couldn’t replicate it in Korea or the USA for twice that amount.

Facebook had a couple of memories to share with me this morning:

***Six years ago I was at Shenanigans in Itaewon with these two distinguished gentlemen, both published authors.***

***And eight years ago, I was in Las Vegas getting married. For the fourth (and last) time.***

Time marches ever onward. These could be the best days of my life and I’ll only know it when I’m looking back. Actually, I don’t plan to fall into that trap again. I’m trying hard to live in the moment and make the best of each day. As long as I’ve got sixty bucks in my pocket, I should do alright.

Resurrected

Posted on 04/April/2021 by John McCrarey

Holy hell, I feel like a new man. Almost as if I was born again. It’s a good feeling to roll the stone of illness away and arise as a healthy man. I’m not saying it’s a miracle, but at least I’m not stuck hanging around the house and feeling cross now. Having my freedom to move about resurrected is a blessing that has lifted my spirits. Praise the healing power of faith in the restoration of good health. Alright, I don’t mean to make it sound like a religious experience or anything. Can I get an Amen to that?

Speaking of resurrection, I just had a weird encounter with a ghost from Easter past. I’ve gotten in the habit of doing a quick search to make sure I’ve not used the title for a post previously. Originally, I was going to call this one “Holy Hell”, but I discovered that last May I did a post with that name. The search results also brought up a post from June 2005 I called “And so begins the task“. This is how it begins:

Some things in life just don’t turn out the way we had imagined or intended. And sometimes the consequences for actions and bad decisions are harsh. Hell, devastating. The past few weeks I’ve felt my life spinning out of control and I have felt powerless to do a thing about it. I’m a dreaming man, and dreams for me die hard.

So I have been incredibly sad. Full of regret and remorse and a fair amount of self-loathing.

But that doesn’t change a thing. I have to take responsibility for my mistakes, just as I also must take responsibility for my life, such as it is. I am powerless to change the past. And I can not live in the past.

I know I can be a bit melodramatic at times, but damn, it seems like I must have been going through some serious shit. Except for the life of me, I can’t remember what the hell was going on back then. I thought maybe it was the end of marriage number three, but the timing doesn’t seem right. I had only been in Korea for six months at that point. Things ended with Carol when she declined to join me in Seoul, as we had agreed, after daughter Hillary returned from deployment in Afghanistan. That would have been well after June 2005. No idea what was going on when I wrote that post.

The other thing that stands out is that I quoted Kevin Kim’s Easter meditation: put it down at length in my post. It remains one of my all-time favorites of his, and the coincidence of me coming across it on Easter Sunday sixteen years later is a little mind-boggling.

Since I and a few people I know are all going through a painful period, each of us for various reasons, I thought it might be good to write about “putting it down.”

In Zen Buddhism, the maxim is “don’t make anything.” Your mind is so often the source of your troubles. You choose to face the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune either negatively or positively. Often, at the beginning of a troublesome period in your life, it is difficult to realize how responsible you are for your own choices. It’s easier to shift blame to your surroundings. But ultimately, the healthiest route out of the forest of troubles is to start by looking in a mirror. Behold what’s actually there; don’t needlessly manufacture problems for yourself and others.

I’m not a scriptural literalist, so I don’t believe Jesus rose from the dead. But the story of the passion and resurrection nevertheless holds power for me, because it’s a story about a man who put everything down, including his own life, for the sake of love. How many of us can claim to be ready and willing to do something like that? Not many, I suspect.

Most of us, like little children, cling desperately to our cherished notions, preconceptions, and delusions, unwilling to countenance truth and change. We face the world with fear, and create clever rationales for our spiritual cowardice. In a crisis period, this instinct intensifies. The ego swells to enormous size– everything is about getting hurt, everything is about me, me, me. The world doesn’t understand my pain, and only I am in pain!

I’ve felt like that before. I’ve looked out at a street full of people and wondered why they didn’t see my agony, which was plain as day to me. The world kept right on turning, resisting my egocentric interpretation of it.

And there’s a lesson in that. Life is change, ceaseless change. All we have is this moment. If we try to keep the past with us, we merely create more suffering for ourselves. If we try to hold on to our anger, or our hurt, or whatever it is we’re feeling, we poison ourselves.

It’s better simply to put it all down.

I must have taken Kevin’s words of wisdom to heart–I’ve put whatever it was that was troubling me back then so far down I don’t even remember what it was!

I did go back and look at some of my other posts from that timeframe looking for a clue and didn’t find one. But I did discover this:

In my personal life I am just filling time these days. Last night, my Air Force buddy, Jeff, called and interrupted a game of CIV so we could meet at Caroline’s for a couple of beers. We wound up playing darts. I can’t remember the last time I’ve tried to hit a dart board, but it has probably been over 20 years ago. I assumed my darts would be worse than my pool, but surprisingly I played pretty well. Not well enough to win (Jeff is really good), but most of the time it came down to who got the last bullseye first. I really enjoyed myself and I’m thinking with some practice I might actually be a decent player.

So, there you have it. I began my darts “career” on June 16, 2005. What a life!

Enough with the past, the future is now! Since I was feeling better by yesterday afternoon, and noting that my fever had be gone for 36 hours, I deemed it safe for me to venture out of the house for some, um, exercise. I took it easy on myself and did the short walk to Baloy Beach. Then I saw the floating bar and thought “why not?”. I told myself I would make sure to practice social distancing, just in case. And that’s just what I did!

It was late in the afternoon on a Saturday and the floater was in full swing. I secured a seat at the far end of the bar and safely observed the goings-on. The first thing I noticed was the crowd was not the usual locals I’m used to seeing around. Quite a few of them were actually young looking (yeah, that stands out in a community of retired fuckers) and it appeared they had brought their own womenfolk with them, much to the chagrin of the local bargirls present, no doubt.

This sailboat anchored about 50 yards off the stern of the floating bar also caught my eye. I wondered if some of my fellow patrons might have come via water. Sure enough, a short time later three of them jumped in the water and swam out to the boat, lifted anchor, and headed out to wherever. I assume they paid their tab…

Turns out the other guests on the floating bar had come up from Angeles City, which is currently on full lockdown. That means no bars or restaurants are open at all. I’m hearing reports from around town that it was a booming weekend for the Barretto bars as those with the means made their escape from AC. Good for them!

I wasn’t going to push my luck (or anyone else’s) so I confined myself to my seat in the open air floater. I don’t think it gets much safer than that. Had myself some beers and did what I do best–watched the sun go down.

***Shortly thereafter, I caught a trike to take me on home. It was a nice, but brief, escape from my self-imposed custody.***

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I woke up feeling healthy and refreshed. I figured the best way to celebrate was a nice morning walk. Wanna join me?

***Hey, I can see my house from here! (on the left, behind the trees…)***

***Now, wasn’t that fun to be out and about again?***

Thanks for coming along. Its nice to feel normal again. Not like this guy:

Nothing ain’t worth nothing…

Posted on 03/April/2021 by John McCrarey

…but it’s free.

I’m not sure you could squeeze any more emptiness into a day than I managed to do yesterday. Never left the house. Didn’t drink a beer. Slept for eleven and a half hours, pretty much double my daily dose. As for walking, here’s what my Fitbit had to say:

***The fewest steps I’ve taken since I started wearing a tracker six years ago…***

Comparatively speaking, I feel practically normal today. Whatever in the hell that is, I did the dog walk and was considering a modest morning hike, but then decided to not push myself today. I want this over and done with, once and for all. I think I’m close.

Outside the walls of my comfortable prison, the world appears to be going on as it always has. Or at least the begging requests (hungry and/or sick kids seem to be this week’s theme) continue apace. For the most part, I just ignore them and that seems to get the message across. I got a new one from Rose Ann this week that illustrates the mentality of some of these gals.

Some quick background on Rose, I met her long ago when she was working at Cheap Charlies. I wrote about the time I happened upon her outside of work:

Some long-ago day I was out on one of my walks and passing through one of the poorer sections of town. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a young woman’s backside. As I enjoyed the view she turned around and gave me a big smile. “Hello, John,” she said. I was dumbfounded and had no idea who she was. Seeing my confusion, she told me “I work at Cheap Charlies”. So, it took me a few visits before I could find that ~~ass~~ face again, but ever since I’ve enjoyed sharing a drink with her.

Anyway, I’ve always been a little sweet on her and I still occasionally see her when i pass through the neighborhood on my hikes. She’s not been back to Cheap Charlies since the early days of the pandemic. She used to have an Australian “boyfriend” sending her support, but I guess that’s ended now (her Facebook status says “single” again). I know she has a couple of kids and I’m pretty sure she has a Filipino boyfriend/husband. Of course, none of that is any of my business, but she does occasionally initiate contact out of the blue. Usually when she wants or needs something.

Several months ago she was looking for work–did I need a housekeeper? I told her I have a live-in helper, but my masseuse had recently moved and I was looking for a replacement. She said she didn’t know how to do massage, but I told her that her shoulder rubs in Cheap Charlies were always very nice. She made it clear she wasn’t interested though, and that was that. This week I get a message saying her kids are hungry and she would like me to wire her P2500. I ignored the request. Later she came back asking for P1000, but I still wasn’t budging.

Then she got a little smarter, she actually chatted me up some. Asked about hiking, teased me about bringing her cookies, and the like. I invited her to join me on a hike, but she gave me a “some other time” response. Okay then. “Oh, by the way, can you loan me 500 pesos so I can buy food?” Sure, I told her, you gonna come by the house to pick it up? (we are 15 minutes apart on foot). “Can you wire the money?” No was my response, and I haven’t heard from her since.

That’s the part I don’t get. Why play me for a sucker? If you really need money for your hungry kids, come on over and give me a lousy massage and I’ll give you some cash. If you find the thought of touching me disgusting, then at least act like we are friends–join me on a hike, make me feel special. If that ain’t worth it to you, the bring your pathetic self to my house and pick up the cash in person. I live closer than any of the money exchange places you want me to wire it to. Why should I have to go through that hassle to give you money?

Anyway, that’s the latest example. Things must be tough, there have been several others.

In what I think is unrelated news, I learned a new term today: solo polyamory:

It described a person who is romantically involved with many people but is not seeking a committed relationship with anyone. What makes this different from casual dating is that they’re not looking for a partner, and the relationship isn’t expected to escalate to long-term commitments, like marriage or children. More important, the relationship isn’t seen as wasted time or lacking significance because it doesn’t lead to those things.

Hmm, kind of like my “friends with benefits” charity program. Honestly though, I think there are always strings attached. I’m pretty sure Joy wants more than I’m giving, both emotionally and financially, but she’s trying to figure out how to get there from here. You can’t. I’m sure she’ll figure that out soon enough. I’m not totally satisfied either, but it’s the best option available at the moment for a polyamorous bastard like me.

And that’s about all I’ve got for today. Well, other than this:

What’s so good about it?

Posted on 02/April/2021 by John McCrarey

My calendar promised me that I was going to have a good Friday. It hasn’t turned out that way. I have actually slept more than I’ve been awake today. And even after the naps, I don’t feel refreshed at all. I’ve been complaining about low energy levels for several days now, but I’ve never experienced anything like this before. Even if I wanted to go out tonight, and I don’t–that would be irresponsible, I honestly don’t think I could make the ten-minute walk to the nearest bar. I expect I’ll remain homebound at least until I can start feeling asymptomatic. I really, really hope that will happen sometime over the weekend, but perhaps I’m being overly optimistic. We’ll see.

As I mentioned in the comments to an earlier post, my fever has at least dropped back to the normal range. I’ve checked it several times today, and although it fluctuates some, it has not risen above 37.5 (it’s 37.1 as I write this). Other than the lethargy and some light-headedness, the other warning signs of COVID still don’t seem to be in evidence. Well, I’ve had a cough, albeit a wet one, and that’s pretty normal for me with my damaged lungs. So, I don’t think I have a lot to worry about, but I need to be cautious so as not to spread whatever this is to innocent bystanders.

And for the record, there are places I can go to get a quick and easy COVID-test. My fear remains, however, that a positive test result would create a shit storm of contact tracing and my potential confinement in a quarantine facility. That’s a nightmare I don’t want to endure. I’ll get through this at home.

I already miss the great outdoors!

***See? I still have my sense of humor. Such as it is.***

I’d hate to miss Monday’s Hash and break my consecutive hikes streak. Even in the best case scenario, I just don’t see me climbing Easter mountain though. Hopefully, I can do my own trail out to the On-Home, which would keep my record intact. We’ll see.

Back in the “good ol’ days”, like last night, I’d be looking forward to some beers in one of my favorite venues. I did the newest bar in town yesterday, and this is an actual text message exchange I had:

You out?
Yes.
Where are you?
It doesn’t matter.
Okay, fine. Be that way!

***Yeah, the bar name might tend to create some misunderstandings.***

And yes, I did point out to the owner that he’s missing an apostrophe. Heh! A bar with bad punctuation. I should fit right in!

It’s funny and sad I guess. We take our normal routines for granted until something happens and everything changes. Still, I expect this is only gonna be a short term setback. Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone… Right, Joni Mitchell?

A fool’s game

Posted on 01/April/2021 by John McCrarey

I woke up feeling so special today. Not sure what’s up with that.

First things first–YES, COMMENTS ARE ALLOWED AND WELCOME HERE! Don’t let WordPress or whatever is responsible for saying otherwise dissuade you. I heard from a regular commenter this week that my platform rejected his comment. As of yesterday, he was able to comment again. I turned off one of my spam filters and added the “s” to my HTTP address, and hoped that would resolve future issues. But today I got this email:

I tried to comment, but there isn’t the verification of reading skills anymore and I got an error saying spam blocked. Anywho, I was going to say that there are probably few that like to pay for sex (even though this is what marriage often is), but that it sounded like you had found a win-win situation. Set boundaries, reinforce them, and be prepared to walk away if she gets crazy. QP1973

Thanks, QP. All I can ask is that you try again. And for anyone else experiencing this problem, please shoot me an email (lngtimegne@aol.com) and let me know. I’ll try and get to the bottom of what is going on.

Not a whole lot else happening around here. Did the group hike yesterday and intentionally asked for a hard climb, just to see how my body would respond. Not well, as it turns out. Just don’t seem to have the lung capacity required to get me to the top without difficulty. That doesn’t bode well for Monday’s Easter mountain hike. We’ll see, I haven’t given up hope quite yet.

I didn’t do darts last night, instead choosing to drink my daily beer ration on the back deck of the Palm Tree resort hotel.

***Looking at my world through beer goggles. Not too bad, eh?***

***Our waitress at Dynamite Dick’s, our after-hike venue yesterday, was wearing this shirt. I asked her what she missed, so she turned around…***

**…this is the back of the shirt. I blurted out, I can relate, I miss my ex’s pussy…**

Yeah, I’m funny when you’re drunk.

I apologize for the emptiness of this post. I had good intentions, but they day got away from me before I knew it. Started this morning when once again, I had to take a nap BEFORE my daily walk. Then another nap when I got back. And one more nap before I sat down to write this post. And now I have business in town. So, I’ll do a better job posting tomorrow. Or try to anyway.

I really need to get my shit together, that’s for sure.

Long Time Gone

Author Archives: John McCrarey