It’s time.

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And here we are at last. My final day as a resident of Korea. My final day of employment. And hopefully my final day of looking back in sorrow and regret.

A few things left to do before I move on to my new future. Waiting for the landlord to come and satisfy himself that I’m leaving the house in the same condition I found it one year ago. Spent some big bucks having it cleaned last night so I reckon it is going to be fine. Then I’ll go into the office for a few hours to close some things out and say my final goodbyes to my work family. That’s going to be heartbreaking I know, but it’s a step in the process of moving on.

Speaking of goodbyes, I made the rounds last night saying farewell to my bar friends, and is my wont, handing out candy to my favorites. They don’t call me “the candyman” for nothing!

Georgia from Horse and Cow. She says she’s returning to the PI herself next month.

Mama, the owner of Horse and Cow.

Anna from Arirang Bar. She’s special to me. In fact, I really hope to meet a gal with her wit and humor someday.

Rein from Hot Top.

JJ and Seon Nyeo of Crystal’s Bar. I actually said my goodbyes there on Wednesday night.

I dropped into the IDK bar last night as well. The owner even gave me a gift, so I guess everything is forgiven from our past misunderstandings.

That’s a good question, one I’ve frequently asked myself of late…

I Don’t Know the answer, but I’m pretty sure it will involve the PI.

The owner of Hot Top saw my IDK shirt and wanted me to change into his. So of course I obliged.

The final stop of the night was at “The Block”, the new bar in town owned by the woman who ran the now demolished Shooters.

My friends Daniel and Dela joined me for most of my final Anjeong-ri bar hop. We had a great time. I was of course very drunk by the time midnight rolled around. They insisted on walking home with me, which was unnecessary but really sweet.

Speaking of friends, Eva messaged me with some encouraging words from a writer she likes last night.

I never really had a plan for life, I just reacted to it. Whenever I reached a crossroads, I chose a direction and followed the road without a clue as to where it might take me. I guess it is natural to wonder about the paths that would have led to a different life, but you only get to live the life you chose. No mulligans. But I have been extremely fortunate and blessed. The roads I have taken have led to some great adventures and life-altering experiences. A fool’s luck perhaps, but even though I could never have imagined what my life would turn out to be, it has been a very nice ride. So it is time to look forward again. And it will be an adventure with an uncertain outcome for sure.

I was drunk when she sent it, but it did sound vaguely familiar. And then Eva revealed that she had been reading the old posts on my blog. The one quoted above was from January 1, 2005 as I contemplated my upcoming move to Korea. Wow. Everything has seemingly changed for me, and yet oddly, it remains the same. I want to have the confidence and positive outlook that the 2005 version of me carried into Korea. Thanks for reminding me of that, Eva.

And so ends my final post from Korea. It seems appropriate to end it with a song. I always imagined that this particular song would be perfect to be played at my funeral. It also seems appropriate to mark the end of my life in Korea and you can read this article where I mentioned about the affordability of the best funeral services in town.

Time
Flowing like a river
Time
Beckoning me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river
To the sea

Goodbye my love
Maybe for forever
Goodbye my love
The tide waits for me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea
To the sea

Till it’s gone forever
Gone forever
Gone forevermore

Goodbye my friend
Maybe for forever
Goodbye my friend
The stars wait for me
Who knows where we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea
To the sea

The end of days

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And so here it is, my last night in Korea. Lots of emotions churning inside me, but after all these years and memories perhaps that’s to be expected.

Walking home from work today I remembered something from 35 years ago. I was still living in Arizona, but I had sent my daughter and son to stay with my mom in Oklahoma while I recovered from my first divorce and a subsequent heartbreak. I had gone out there for a visit and when the time came for me to leave, my seven year old daughter said to me “Daddy, I know all about goodbye. It is spelled S-A-D”. And she was right. All these accumulated goodbyes are starting to take their toll. I know I will be fine once I’m wheels up and on my way, but damn, this is harder than I expected. The reality is that in all likelihood most of the people I know and care about here I will never see again. Well, they all have a standing invite to come visit me in paradise, but life intrudes, people move on, and soon enough I’ll be forgotten.

So, I’ve completed a circle of sorts.

One year ago I was arriving in Pyeongtaek. And now it is time to get the hell out of here.

In other news, I am now carless, as opposed to careless. The sell went smoothly and I now have an extra $500. in my wallet. It’s a good old car and I hope she serves the new owner well.

Afterwards, I treated my staff for a final lunch with the boss. We dined at Ariang, the first restaurant where we ate together after the move from Yongsan. Another circle closed.

Here’s half the crew…

….and here’s the rest of them…

I explained to the team that there is no such thing as a free lunch. The price they were paying today was hearing me hold court one last time. But it was a special occasion…

Because today I had the honor of presenting my Deputy, Donna Cole, with a Superior Civilian Service Award. In my 38 years with Uncle Sam Donna has been one of the most impressive individuals I have ever worked with. She knows her stuff and knows what to do with it. A great leader, a great person, a hard worker and fun to be around. She sure as hell made me look good and that is no small achievement!.

Speaking of my career, tomorrow is the last day of it. When I retired the first time back at the end of 2010 I wrote a long post recounting my career called “The end of the road”. If you are suffering insomnia, I can highly recommend it! Of course, it turned out it wasn’t the end of the road after all. I’m glad I took the detour though, because these past 3 years have been the best of my working life.

My daughter was going through a box of my stuff I left behind and sent me some reminders of just how long that road has been.

My daughter was laughing and said “you were always on us about our grades!” And I gave her the dad response of “do as I say, not as I do”. I clearly had some issues back in high school. Pot being one of them. I wasn’t any stupider then, just lazier. Still surprised I failed in PE, but Coach Davis was a hard ass and didn’t like my long hair. And the “C” in creative writing? Mr. Boyles was just not appreciative of my style of writing. I distinctly recall him telling me a sonnet I wrote (and actually worked hard on) was “extremely corny”. Well, everyone is a critic I suppose. I wonder what he would say about my blog? Eh, probably best not to know in my current fragile state…

For the record, I did in fact graduate from high school. Although I did have to take a couple of night courses at the local community college to make up for some of those “F’s”. Ah well, look at me today!

The daughter also sent me this old pay stub:

$2.00 dollars an hour working graveyard shift at the local convenience store. That was a big boost from the $1.35 the car wash was paying. Although after getting robbed one night I decided that my life was worth more than what they were paying….

Anyway, it all turned out well. I’ve had a great career and now it is time to see if I can’t find some success in other aspects of my life. Starting tomorrow!

Packing it out…

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…and packing it in.

Busy day today wrapping things up here at the soon to be vacant Star Palace.

Just about 98% done packing. Actually, I ran out of room and had to abandon the idea of bringing some items, including a nice pair of hiking shoes. God knows how much I’ve already exceeded the 30 kilo baggage weight limitation. Fuck it. $12 bucks a kilo overage fee. I’d wager I could be as much as 20 kgs over that. Heh, my bags could wind up costing me almost as much as my ticket…

Gave away the rest of my remaining shit, including my grill, to some of my co-workers. So with two days to go I have nothing to cook, nothing to cook with and nothing to eat it off anyway. Woot!

Took all of my work clothes to the thrift shop on base. I won’t be needing them again, that’s for sure.

While I was on base I swung by the PX to pick up some travel size toiletries. Took advantage of the opportunity to dine at Arby’s one last time.

Well, it is no secret that I haven’t been very happy with my life here in Anjeong-ri. Oddly enough, I still feel pangs of sadness as my impending departure draws near. Of course, I’m going to miss my work family immensely. But it’s the little things that kind of get to me. I picked up my cleaning yesterday from the neighborhood shop I’ve been using since I moved here one year ago. As is my custom, I brought back the hangers for re-use. But when I emptied my laundry bag on the counter, all that fell out was a box of Whitman’s chocolates. The laundry ajumma was delighted and surprised, then she looked at me with a questioning expression and I explained (in English of course) that I was moving away. Well, she doesn’t speak English any better than I do Korean, but she got what I meant. She seemed sincerely upset, and with hand gestures indicated she wanted to cry. Okay, she’s losing a regular customer, but I prefer to think she looked forward to seeing me each week.

The point I guess if there is one, is that you get into your routines and habits and that provides some sense of being “at home” in your community. I was having a beer in Horse and Cow last night, and the owner of the now demolished Shooters popped in. She almost begged me to come by to see her new bar called “The Block”. I did and it was more “juicy” than Shooters ever was. Still, I was made to feel like a long time regular, and that was nice I suppose.

I completed one of my two hour loops yesterday and knew that it would be the last time I was seeing a scene like this.

Ah well. I am resolved to feel whatever feelings letting go of this place gives me and then leaving those feelings at the door when I board my flight on Friday night.

And then we’ll see what develops next.

Selling my car in the morning, even got it washed for the lucky buyer this afternoon. Taking my staff for a final lunch together in the afternoon. And then it will be departure eve. Time flies and soon so will I.

They love me. They really love me!

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A good day at work.

Today was the last day I’ll put on a tie before going to work.

It was also the day of my “re-retirement” luncheon. The staff prepared team t-shirts for the occasion.

The Deputy G1, LTC Cooper was on hand to give some very kind remarks about my work with 8th Army.

And I was awarded the Superior Civilian Service Award…

Pinning on the medal…

Presenting the Certificate…

And then for one of the last times, the guests got paid to listen to me hold court. I was very thankful and appreciative for the recognition.

Then the staff presented me some going away gifts. I was very touched at their thoughtfulness…

I love this photo collage full of memories of the times we spent together.

….and they all left a little personal message for me as well.

What do you get a guy who doesn’t have much of a life outside of walking and drinking? Why, Hash gear of course!

My first personal patch! This was really special, although mentioning of my Hash name in an open restaurant with a mixed crowd was a tad uncomfortable. I prefaced my reading of the name with a mention of the Beatles song, so hopefully that worked…

A new Hash shirt that will definitely be put to use soon in Subic…

With a nice Hash House motto on the back!

A second shirt, with my name and my favorite beverage…On On!

Yet another personalized shirt, a nice Tagalog language book, and a shopping bag which according to the giver accurately depicts my Hash name….

It’s the people in your life that make a difference. And it is the people you will miss when you have moved far away. Hell, I miss them already and I’m not even gone!

On-out

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I completed my final Hash with the Humphreys Hangover Hash House Harriers yesterday. “On out” is Hash-speak for “goodbye”.

The “on-in” (the gathering spot at the end of the trail) was at Wolfhound Pub. Left to right: Young Dum Cum, Cum Together, and the day’s Hare, Shamu Shagger.

I was awarded my first ever Hash patch. I’m told being given the “Big Dog” patch is a pretty big deal. Thanks guys!

Come next Monday I’ll be joining my new kennel, the Subic Bay Hash House Harriers. Looking forward to that!

Today was the beginning of my last week as a working man. But I ain’t working particularly hard. Tying up some loose ends, like the performance evaluations for my senior staff. I also took care of some stuff at the bank, did my change of address with the post office, ordered copies of my medical records, and that pretty much took care of the day.

Tomorrow is my official retirement luncheon at the Flightline Grill on base. I really don’t like being the center of attention, and it seems a little strange given that I had a previous retirement ceremony back in 2010. Oh well, I understand the gesture and I am appreciative.

I took the long walk home from work today, probably the last time I’ll take that route in this lifetime.

“I spent the longest decade of my life one year in Anjeong-ri”
Well, I have come full circle. They were planting the rice when I arrived and now they are cultivating as I depart. Ah, the seasons of our life.

Tonight I’ve been invited to join Dela and Daniel for dinner in their fancy new apartment at the Brownstone. Another day, another goodbye.

And so it goes. For four more days anyway.

Well I’m not the kind to live in the past
The years run too short and the days too fast
The things you lean on are the things that don’t last
Well it’s just now and then my line gets cast into these
Time passages
There’s something back here that you left behind
Oh time passages
Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight

Hear the echoes and feel yourself starting to turn
Don’t know why you should feel
That there’s something to learn
It’s just a game that you play

A moving experience

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Winding it down and winding it up. Completed my final drunken weekend in Anjeong-ri, featuring competing in my last IDK dart tourney. Took a fourth, which was disappointing. Understandable though since I haven’t found the motivation to get off my lazy ass and practice. But I’m resolved to re-dedicate myself to the sport after the move. I’ll have some hours to fill once I arrive and that should be a productive use of some of that time.

I’ve been thinking about the big move as the day rapidly approaches. I’ve obviously made many moves in my life, starting with moving out of my parent’s house when I was a lad of 17. But I’ve never made a move quite like this one. When I left California, where I was born and raised, for Arizona, I took along my wife and children and transferred with my letter carrier job. A few years later I was both divorced and heartbroken when I moved alone to Oklahoma. In some ways, that move most resembles this one. I sold everything I owned that didn’t fit in my car and started over. But, I was also going to be rejoining with my kids and mother and I still had a job, so in that way it differs.

I eventually remarried and took a big promotion in South Carolina. Later on, a new job and a new wife in Virginia. The big change in my life was moving to Korea in January 2005. Big culture shock both in learning about an Asian country and adapting to my new employer, the U.S. Army. I wound up loving both! So much so that I didn’t want to return to the USA, which eventually cost me yet another wife.

And then the day came (December 31, 2010) when I first decided to retire. I had been planning to live in the Philippines, but Jee Yeun changed my mind about that. Instead we made a plan to live 6 months in the states and 6 months in Korea. That worked for me. Until it didn’t work for her anymore. Not going to open that old wound now, suffice to say I came back to Korea and came back to work. Having completed the circle it is once again time to retire and this time I’ll follow through on the plan to live in the PI, for better or worse.

Is it a little scary? To be honest, yes. At least in the sense that I’m going to be exploring uncharted territory on my own. My many previous moves have not been anything like the one I’m preparing to make now. The biggest differences are that I will be alone and unemployed. A job gives you a built-in social network and a sense of purpose and belonging. I know I’ll make friends (already have one in Manila) and I’ll get settled into my routines. In time I’m sure it will feel like home. It’s just a bit disconcerting dealing with all the unknowns. Well, that’s what makes it an adventure I suppose.

Let the adventure begin! In a mere 5 days.

Adios amigo

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Today I climbed Younginsan for the last time.

No, not the last time because it killed me, the last time because I’m moving next week.

The trail that leads to the top…

A view along the way…

such a pretty day it was impossible to take a bad picture…

well, ALMOST impossible to take a bad picture.

the park on the mountain…

the path to the park…

I was awake, so I guess this was a stream of consciousness…

Lots of ways to the top…wooden steps….

…or concrete steps.

The summit achieved.

My hiking companions for the day.

It’s Children’s Day, so I channeled my inner child.

Lots of good memories to go with the bad ones, but the memories I’ve yet to make are the important ones…

Six more days.

Puedes traerme tu amor
Adiós mi corazón how I love you
Puedes traerme tu amor
Adiós mi corazón
I hope the words are right
‘Cause they’re the only words
I know tonight

Oh! The nights are never ending
I don’t know why
No comprende
Days are longer than
You’ll ever know
Adiós mi corazón

Celebration!

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Well, here in Korea folks are celebrating Children’s Day in the traditional fashion…

And of course, in Mexico the Cinco de Mayo celebrations are in full swing…

But the most important celebration on May 5 is the one honoring my first born grandchild’s birthday.

Ain’t she sweet?

Gracyn was born just a few months after I first arrived in Korea. And today she becomes a teenager! I’m not sure how that happened, all I know is I ain’t anywhere near old enough to have a teenaged grandchild.

She’s something special, no question about it.

Happy birthday Gracyn!

Almost home

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Well, I guess you could say I’m feeling a little week today.

That’s right, in a mere seven days I’ll be boarding a plane and flying off to find a new, and hopefully better, life in the Philippines. Despite numerous visits there as a tourist I’m not sure what to expect as a full-time resident. The adventure I suppose will be in finding out what happens next.

I’ve pretty much come to terms with the idea of going it alone, at least to start. I’m resolved to not actively look for a girlfriend/companion. If “the one” for me is out there, she’ll find me. I’m just going to let nature take its course. It seems more practical anyway to allow things to occur in the natural fashion, like being introduced by mutual friends or maybe encountering each other at an event of common interest (the Hash, darts, etc.). Yeah, I’m a lonely guy and that makes me vulnerable. I need to toughen my ass (and heart) up and accept things as they are, rather than settle for something that may (or may not) be better than nothing.

I’ve not been real busy at work (shuddup!) which has given me time to peruse expat blogs and webpages about adapting to life in the Philippines. Picking up some good tips here and there which may help me avoid learning by making mistakes. One thing is clear, how well you adjust and how happy you are in the Philippines really comes down to your own attitude. I’m not known for my patience and I know going in I’m going to have to lower my expectations about certain aspects of life in the PI, and accept that things will not always go as I hope and desire them to be. For the expats that acknowledge the realities of life in a third world country and who recognize that the overall good aspects of life outweigh the bad, happiness awaits. For those who bitch, moan and complain about inconveniences and disappointments, well the best course is to get the fuck out and go home. I will endeavor mightily to be amongst the former.

One blog I read particularly resonated with me. In a post called “Finding your own path”, Reekay (a six year resident) wrote:

Which brings me to the point of ‘finding your own path’. I have said so many times to so many people, “The Philippines has been fantastic for me… but it’s not for everyone.” I stand by that. For me, the Philippines awakens all my senses afresh. My mind is alive and in full gear all over again, just like when I was a kid. Something new is around every corner. Food is different. People are different. The very air is different. Is it altogether ‘better’ than my life in the USA? In some ways, yes and in some ways, absolutely not. Going from a 1st-world country into a country that boasts not only some of the most beautiful and accessible topical landscapes, but also no shortage of poverty and distress is a change that not everyone can handle in stride.

I’ve mentioned before that this is one reason those of us Expats who run into each other on the streets or online in the Philippines have a common sense of respect for each other. It takes a certain type of adventurous spirit to not only endure the new environs and distance from ‘home’… but to thrive and truly enjoy a whole other culture to the fullest. That commonality of spirit gives us a certain bond of friendship that has nothing in common with those expats who arrive and simply complain of their plight here. We distance ourselves from those who made the move, but never accepted the culture of the new surroundings. We are adventurous and revel in our new surroundings. ‘They’ arrived only to live in frustration at their own displeasure of inconvenience. Our only statement to them is, “If you don’t like it, leave.”

What I have spent many hours in front of a bonfire in the province alone pondering is my resolve to be content in pursuing my own path. I truly wish I could have found the ‘one path’ that would make others as happy as I am with my own life. But there is no ‘one’ path. I see poverty in the USA and I see it in the Philippines. Despite a few dollars here and there to random people in need I encounter, I have no solution. I can’t sit down for a moment and say to one of the beggars, “Just do ‘this’ and ‘this’ and all will be well, my friend.” I have no such solution. I see sorrowful marriages or relationships and over the years I’ve tried to offer the best counsel I could to avert or stop the pain involved. Some people listen, some don’t. Each person has to determine for themselves the path they will take. I offer to point out a fork in the road; this way leads to more of the same misery.. this other way leads to a freedom from the situation. That is the best I can do. It is the new mantra that I hear myself saying now that I have been in-country for 16 months and it is this; “Everyone must find their own path.”

I suppose this is the tight-rope that must be navigated in a poor country when you are the ‘rich’ foreigner transplanted for the duration. Figuring out when, where and to whom some level of compassion or assistance is to be given to others. In a land where there is much desperation, there is much abuse of kind-hearted foreigners trying to navigate those waters. Countless are the expat stories of being lied to and defrauded of money by those who take the deceitful shortcut to survival. I do what I can to give warnings and how to avoid such situations, but again I’m reminded that each one must find their own path. Some must learn the hard way that trust cannot be given so quickly. Discernment as to when and to whom to give compassion or assistance is not something that can be bottled and dispersed like a tonic. Despite whatever good advice anyone may come across.. time and experience is what it boils down to.

I am happy with the path I’ve chosen. I wish I could do more for others but, the reality is I can only do so much. And maybe that’s okay. Few men ever change the whole world in a positive way. Perhaps making positive change to the few within our circle of influence is all we can really expect of ourselves.

That last paragraph is what I aspire to do…making my little corner of the world just a little bit better because of my presence there.

So, in my readings lots of writers point out how inexpensive it is to hire someone to make your life simple and worry free, touting that as one of the big benefits of living in the Philippines. Yeah, yeah, I know. I’ve been there and done that. But, as many have pointed out, what I really did was try to purchase a relationship, and that effort was bound to fail. Lesson learned. Still, I would consider hiring a “helper” that could assist me in navigating the culture and in general just make my life as easy as possible. Obviously, this time around I would employ a person I’m not attracted to and keep everything strictly professional and platonic. We’ll see.

Before I can pursue that option I’ll need to find a house in which to live that would accommodate a live-in helper. I know the neighborhood I want (Alta Vista) but I’ve got to be on the ground to find an available rental.

This is the view I want to wake up to each morning:

If my Spanish is right, “Alta Vista” means “high view”. Works for me!

And this would be my dream house to wake up in:

I just have to be patient and look until I find just what I want. That’s why I plan to do a short term lease on a small apartelle while I walk the neighborhoods looking for home.

The search begins next week!

I saw my life this morning
Lying at the bottom of a drawer
All this stuff I’m saving
God knows what this junk is for
And whatever I believed in
This is all I have to show
What the hell were all reasons
For holding on for such dear life
Here’s where I let go

I’m not running
I’m not hiding
I’m not reaching
I’m just resting in the arms of the great wide open
Gonna pull my soul in
And I’m almost home

Now this I’m gonna miss

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Another “last”, my final grocery shopping excursion to the commissary.

The new Humphreys store is the largest in the Pacific, if not the world….

….with a great selection of fruits and veggies….

And of course any kind of meat you might hunger for.

Now, obviously they have grocery stores in Olongapo. In fact, there are two great stores (Puregold and Royal) on the old Navy base that feature a nice selection of imported goods (i.e. things I like). Still nothing like the selection I’ve grown accustomed to and of course the prices at the commissary are very much lower. Oh well, I’ve already factored a larger grocery bill into my Philippines budget.

Meanwhile, the staff had some fun taking photos and using those filter things to alter them in cutesy ways.

Ah, they treat me like a King! I’m going to miss my loving work family most of all…

Eight days.

Doing the math

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Well, arithmetic anyway.

Something doesn’t add up here…

Of course, I’m all about subtraction these days. One more thing crossed off my to-do list:

That’s a three month supply of my prescription meds.

I’ve also subtracted one more day from calendar. 9 days to go. Single digits baby!

Come what May

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Mayday! Mayday! Let the final countdown commence! 10…

Back to my routine in Anjeong-ri. Seon Nyeo is one of my favorites. Introduced her to 50s rock-n-roll last night and she was crazy about it. Fun times…

Experienced another “last” and didn’t even know it. Returned from Seoul to discover Shooters bar has been torn down….

I was feeling down in the dumps when I returned from Seoul yesterday morning. Got in some good walking which helped restore my mental equilibrium. Really want to focus on the positive from here on out. Tear down those walls so to speak…

Thank you Fitbit! Hopefully I have many more miles to go in this lifetime’s journey…

Comes a time
when you’re driftin’
Comes a time
when you settle down
Comes a light
feelin’s liftin’
Lift that baby
right up off the ground.

Oh, this old world
keeps spinning round
It’s a wonder tall trees
ain’t layin’ down
There comes a time.

You and I we were captured
We took our souls
and we flew away
We were right
we were giving
That’s how we kept
what we gave away.

Oh, this old world
keeps spinning round
It’s a wonder tall trees
ain’t layin’ down
There comes a time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsWrmJjD2eY

The last supper

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.–Ralph Waldo Emerson

The final goodbye in Seoul turned out to be the hardest. No surprise there of course. Made it through the dinner and held back the tears until I was walking away. I didn’t look back.

You can’t live your life in sorrow and regret. I’m trying desperately to shake off the sadness that has followed me like a shadow since the day my former life ended. The weekend in Seoul was my symbolic funeral. The past is dead and buried. In eleven days I’ll be reborn into a new and uncharted life. My hope is that it will be a happy one. And of course, it is up to me to make that happen.

Some more photos from my farewell tour:

The dart crowd from my final tournament.

Some old friends showed up for a birthday party, so I gifted them with a photo opportunity. Yeah, I can be generous that way.

My final beer at Shenanigans with the nephew Justin and owner Willie.

Thanks to everyone for everything.

Letting go

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The farewell tour continues apace.

Roused my blog buddy Kevin Kim for an early (for him) morning hike up Namsan. He did a much better job describing the day’s events than I ever could here. Please go give it a read. I certainly felt honored being featured on his blog!

Anyway, it was a beautiful day on the mountain and it was nice to have some company along to share another “last” in my Korean life. I won’t deny feeling a little melancholy, but there is always some sadness associated with endings I suppose.

Kevin says that the climb kicked his ass, but I’m not buying it. After all, this is the man who walked from Seoul to Busan at this time last year.

I guess Namsan came to be like an old friend to me. We spent a lot of time together during my last two years in Seoul. I’m a lesser man now thanks to this mountain!

After our climb and a walk around Itaewon and the local environs, Kevin insisted on treating me to a meal at our favorite Brazilian steak house–Tabom Brazil. As usual it was outstanding and we gorged ourselves on several varieties of meat, and seconds of course to make sure we maximized our bang for the buck, or Won as it were.

In a rather odd coincidence, Facebook reminded me that is was exactly four years ago that I met Kevin in person (although we had “met” online through our blogs and communicated with each other almost from the beginning of my time in Korea. I had blogged about that 3-D meeting in a post called “The nicest guy I’ve never met”. And during that first meeting we had dined together at, you guessed it, Tabom Brazil. It felt nice to come full-circle like that.

Kevin is heat averse, so he made clear he won’t be visiting the Philippines in this lifetime. We said our goodbyes, knowing our online relationship will continue as long as we do. Farewell and thanks again my friend!

After lunch I hurried back to the hotel, showered and changed, then headed out to Shenanigans to participate in my last ever Seoul International Dart League tournament. I didn’t play particularly well, but I got to see lots of old familiar faces and had a great time. Drank way too much of course, but that’s the nature of the game. At least for me.

It was good to see my oldest friend in Itaewon once again. Cheers Jim Dewey!

I was also honored with this sweet and delicious cake. Thanks Eve and Mike!

At the conclusion of the tournament the SIDL League President presented me with this memento in recognition of my many years of participation and service to the league. I was very surprised and moved. Thanks everyone!

Did I mention I got very drunk?

Thank goodness I found photographic evidence that I did in fact have dinner last night after the tourney. Not that I remember it…

Got up early-ish this morning to spend some time with another old friend–the Han River.

Did a 3 hour goodbye walk along her banks. It’s been swell, Han!

I took a break from my river walk to enjoy breakfast at the Original Pancake House in Itaewon. I was joined by my old friend and longtime housekeeper, Josie. Good luck to you always!

And that’s about it so far. Tonight is my last night in Seoul and I’m going to meet up with a few more folks this evening I reckon. And that will be that.

I’m letting go of the past as best I can, but I carry over 13 years of memories of my life in Korea with me. There’s a sadness associated with many of them because they relate to a life here I no longer have. My challenge is to not carry that sadness forward into my forthcoming new life in the Philippines. Yeah, I’m going to be me wherever I am, but I can choose to be the happy me. I’ve actually had a couple of people comment on the fact that I appear so much happier these days. I guess happiness is relative, but I do have much improved attitude and I am remaining very optimistic about the future. Whatever it may bring. In 12 days.

Oh oh letting go
There’s nothing in the way now,
Oh letting go, there’s room enough to fly
And even though, he’s spent his whole life waiting,
It’s never easy letting go.

Heart and Seoul

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A pretty good day in Seoul yesterday…

Final meeting with the Korean Employee Union leaders, President Choe and Secretary-General Sohn.

The union presented me a very nice wallet, a KEU coin, and some bling as a going away gift.

And I treated them to some wonderful American BBQ at Manimals. They’d never had anything like it before and were quite impressed.

I’m going to really miss my Senior KN Labor Advisor, Ms. Choe. Been knowing her since she was an intern way back when. So proud of the strong and capable leader she has become.

After the meeting I was able to visit the phone store on base and cancel my SK plan effective 12 May. Then Jee Yeun treated me to a pedicure, which was nice. Got my vehicle inspected so I’ll be able to transfer title to the new owner before I leave. Good to be finalizing the little details necessary to cut the cord.

After work I headed out to Shenanigans. Good to be home in familiar places with familiar faces, although most of the staff is new now.

The menu hasn’t changed though and I enjoyed my personal favorite…pulled pork quesadilla…Yum.

Shot over to Scrooge Pub to say my goodbyes there and ran into an old friend from way, way back, Doug Moulton. He was the long time dart league Secretary in the early days of the league. So we had a nice visit and some drunken darts, then it was time to head back to the hotel.

This morning I’ll be meeting up with blog buddy Kevin Kim for a hike up Namsan and some lunch. Then I have a dart tourney this afternoon at Shenanigans. Should be a good day!

Social security

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I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it

The reaction of many (especially Koreans) when they hear about my forthcoming move to the Philippines is along the lines of “oh, but isn’t it dangerous there?” This can perhaps be attributed to the fact that anytime a Korean comes to a bad end in the PI it is headline news here. But the fact is that relatively speaking, the Philippines is just about as safe as anywhere you might choose to live. I’d certainly feel safer in Olongapo than I would in Chicago, Baltimore or L.A.

Which is not to say that there is not a certain “wild west” feel to place. The key to safety and security is to be situationally aware and to not take unnecessary risks. In other words, don’t do stupid shit. Foreigners do stand out in a crowd and are considered by many Filipinos to be wealthy, which relatively speaking, many of us are. So you don’t flaunt that wealth with ostentatious displays of fancy jewelry or other temptations for someone criminally inclined who is looking for an easy mark. I normally do not carry a wallet when I’m out and about as pickpockets can separate you from that with relative ease. I tend to carry only the amount of cash I will need for a particular outing, and I keep the large and small bills in separate pockets, usually closed with Velcro tabs.

I just purchased some security supplies from Amazon, including this “wear around your neck” wallet like thing. Doubt I’ll use it all the time, but there will be occasions where it might prove useful.

And check out this new brush. I can stash some cold cash inside where it will be handy but still out of sight from anyone with sticky fingers who might enter my lodging…

The other thing to keep in mind is to not piss off a local or cause them to lose face. That’s a big thing to a Filipino and given that it is relatively cheap to hire a hit (around $100 dollars, or so I’ve been told) and that many folks own guns (a right denied to foreigners) it just isn’t wise to get into disputes with the natives. I have every intention to keep a low profile, be friendly, and wear a smile whether I’m feeling it or not. Patience isn’t my virtue, but I will strive mightily to “take a deep breath, relax, and accept the Filipino way” whenever I find myself in frustrating circumstances.

To keep my luggage secure during my travels I have these fine new “TSA approved” locks. There have been recent reports of bags being rifled at some PI airports, so at least this will keep me from being an easy target. Not that I’ll have much of value inside my checked bags, but still…

The other thing that is different from my previous vacation trips is that I’ll be carrying a much more significant amount of cash. This is necessary because I won’t be able to open a Philippines bank account right away and I’m going to have some largish expenditures during that first month, assuming I find a suitable house to rent. Once I secure my visa I should be able to transfer funds from the USA to my PI bank account without too much trouble. Still, carrying a wad of cash increases the risk factor so I’ll need to be doubly on my guard. For example, a Facebook “friend” I’ve not yet met in person suggested I use her neighbor for my transport from Manila airport to Olongapo. At first I thought, sure why not?. Then I pictured myself never arriving in Olongapo, so I opted for the hotel shuttle driver I’ve used in the past. Once I’m there I’ll certainly look at hiring her friend as my driver (I’ll use a driver a couple of times a week for shopping excursions and the like). But I’ll want to meet him in person first.

So much for security, let’s look at my social life.

Joey and Sonya treated me to a fine farewell dinner at Braii Republic, a South African eatery here in town.

My team at work thought an afternoon outing to a nearby Catholic church was a good idea.

So off we went and the church grounds were in fact quite lovely…

Team DHRM rocks!

Then we all had dinner at a country style Korean restaurant featuring the traditional pancake…

….and fried gizzards. It was surprisingly tasty!

Last night I enjoyed a dinner invite from one of my Korean staff, Mr. So. He’s been with USFK for 48 years and last night was the final time we’ll be together (he’s going on leave and I’ll be gone when he comes back).

Mrs. So put out quite a spread. Actually, some of the best eating I’ve ever done in Korea. Very nice evening.

And now I’m off to Seoul for the final round of my farewell tour.

14 days.

Hardly working

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Winding down the days in this iteration of my career in government service. I’ve given almost 38 years of my life to Uncle Sam and I’m trying mightily to stay engaged and productive until the end. Truth is though that all that is really left to do is tie up some loose ends and clear the decks for my successor.

I’m on a committee with the American Embassy that reviews Special Immigration Visa applications from foreign nationals with long term and/or extraordinary service to the U.S. government. I met with them (well, I dialed in from Humphreys) for the final time this past week. It’s a responsibility I take to heart and I want to be sure that deserving individuals are given full and fair consideration for their requests to become permanent residents of the nation they have faithfully served. We voted to approve ten of the eleven applications. I had to advocate strongly for one person who had one blemish on an otherwise stellar career with USFK. In the end the panel voted 3-2 to accept his application and I felt really good about that. A small thing for me that potentially has a big impact on someone’s future.

This coming Friday I will meet with the Korean Employees Union leadership for the final time. I’ve enjoyed this aspect of my job very much and I take a great deal of pride in the outstanding labor-management climate we have maintained within USFK. We rely on our Korean workforce to ensure readiness for our “fight tonight” mission, so keeping our civilians focused and motivated is critical. I doubt we will have much of substance to discuss this go round but I’m going to treat the KEU President and Secretary General to some American-style barbeque, probably at Manimals in Itaewon. Looking forward to that.

Speaking of my successor, we have had eleven candidates referred for consideration. I’m sure I’ll be asked to weigh-in on the relative merits of each and I will of course be happy to do so. I’ve loved my work here and I want to make sure my DHRM family is well taken care of after I’m gone.

As I’ve been cleaning out my files in preparation for my departure I came across an historic email from just over two years ago. Regular readers may recall that some cowardly person chose to complain about my blog to command leadership rather than engage me directly through the comments. I really despise chickenshit assholes who cannot abide anyone with a contrary opinion. Here is what the melting snowflake had to say in his/her complaint:

“I am an applicant and was looking for information about USFK. During my search, I found this website: www.mccrarey.com. It is VERY concerning! The posts are written by someone clearly from high in the command who is absolutely not inclusive. A few of the specific posts that are concerning are: 2/13/16—comparing Bernie Sanders to Hitler. Yes, I know there is free speech, but he identifies as a federal employee. 1/9/16—clearly identifies who he works for. 12/15/15—mocking Muslims, refers to Mohamed as pedophile. 10/23/15—Korean Employees Appeal Board and how it is messed up. 10/14/15—celebrating completing combatting trafficking on hooker hill…which is a real place. I truly hope this is not the image you want to be associated with your command.”

So, the complaint was referred to the Staff Judge Advocate (the lawyers) for review. This email was sent to my big boss in response:

“I reviewed the blog and could not find any violation of law or regulation. He writes about his personal political opinions, often in a churlish manner, but this is not prohibited. He is also not prohibited from identifying his employer or his position as long as he makes clear this his opinions are not those of the US government. I recommend that you notify the employee that there was a complaint about his blog and simply remind him of the applicable rules.”

My boss responded to me as follows:

“John, FYI…it’s good to know that writing about political opinions in a churlish manner is not prohibited. Maybe you should add a customer service link to your blog site so they can directly address concerns to the source. Still trying to figure out what “customer service” was officially provided by USFK through a personal blog that warrants an ICE complaint?”

Heh. Well the upshot of all this was I had to visit with the EEO office where I was encouraged to be more “sensitive”. My supervisor asked me to try and refrain from blogging about work. And a few months later I got promoted to the job I currently hold. I sincerely hope the punk ass loser who complained about me reads this so I can offer a hearty and sincere “fuck you!”

Oh, and any opinions expressed here at LTG are my own, dispensed on my own time, and do not represent the views of the United States government. At least for the next 17 days.

Small town Saturday night

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The nephew took the train down from Seoul yesterday afternoon. For some unfathomable reason he wanted one last opportunity to experience the ambiance of Anjeong-ri nightlife.

I grilled us up a couple of ribeyes and with our hunger satiated we proceeded to hit the bars. Well, I did make a stop at the Star Shop hoping to schedule the shipment of my balkbayan box, but alas, they were closed.

We had a couple of drinks in Crystal’s, which I guess by default has become my favorite watering hole here. Then we moved over to IDK for the weekly dart tournament. I warmed up with Justin but advised him not to participate in the tourney as his skill at the game I deemed not ready for prime time. The problem is in a blind draw for partners some of the good players get incensed if they get paired with a rookie. Justin was fine with not playing. And as fate would have it, I drew a rank amateur as my teammate. Certainly even worse than Justin would have been. Fortunately for him, I’m not one of “those” guys who gets pissed if the “luck of the draw” turns out unlucky. Needless to say, it was two and out for us. Which freed me up to take Justin on an old fashioned bar crawl.

So, we went back to Crystal’s to pick up where we left off earlier. Ran into a co-worker and we constructed a vapor/cigar cloud. Aren’t we special?

I also got to practice my flirting skills with the barmaid Seon Nyoh. She was not impressed.

After several drinks we moved over to another of my regular haunts, Horse and Cow. There were some drunk guys doing karaoke. Loudly and badly. One beer and out for us. Where to now? Well, it just so happens that this weekend is the one year anniversary of my first weekend in Anjeong-ri. So why not try a couple of bars I used to frequent but came to avoid later. Yeah, I was drunk and my reasoning skills may have been impaired.

So we hit Casbah and the barmaid remembered me and asked where I’d been all this time. Then ordered herself up a W10,000 ladydrink. When she was ready for a second I said sorry we have to go. That’s why I stopped visiting this bar, high pressure juicy.

Across the street another old “favorite”, Visions, was our next stop. The owner seemed glad to see me again after all this time and was actually quite friendly. My problem at Visions had been with the former bartender/manager who was quite rude to me. She’s no longer there, so it was all good. One of the bargirls set her sights on Justin and seemed impressed that he could carry on a conversation in Korean. Of course, it wasn’t long before she wanted a drink. When Justin declined, she moved down the bar and pouted. Justin relented eventually and she gleefully went to make herself a drink. Then asked for W20,000. I think Justin negotiated her down to a more “reasonable” W10,000, but her mood was soured again, so we headed on down the road.

The final stop of the night was at Hot Top. I used to go there fairly regularly until the bartender I thought was my friend pulled the W20,000 ladydrink scam on me. She scowled at me when I walked in, but a former waitress from IDK works here now and she seemed genuinely happy to see me again. I made a show of ordering her a drink which as she consumed mentioned that it was a W20,000 drink. What the hell? She could see I was pissed and said don’t worry about it, I’ll pay the difference. Well, as a matter of principle I don’t buy twenty thousand won drinks. But I slipped a W10,000 “tip” in her pocket, so the books were balanced. And then departed Hot Top for the last time.

Got home after midnight more than a little drunk and woke up with a hangover this morning.

I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately…

I’m in my teens now. 19 days to go.

Bobby told Lucy, “The world ain’t round…
Drops off sharp at the edge of town
Lucy, you know the world must be flat
‘Cause when people leave town, they never come back”
They go ninety miles an hour to the city limits sign
Put the pedal to the metal ‘fore they change their mind
They howl at the moon, shoot out the light
It’s a small town Saturday night

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFRkH_3ZmbU

Where there’s a will, there’s a way

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Getting things done, one by one.

Another item on the to do list completed. I hope it is not needed anytime soon.

And then there is the minutiae of things like the expiration dates on my credit and debit cards. Noting that both expire in 2019 and not wanting to trust my access to funds to the Philippines postal service, I had both of them renewed yesterday. That carries me through 2021 anyway. I’m planning on making an annual pilgramage to the USA, so with some advance planning I should be good to go in the future. I’m wondering what else am I not thinking about now that I will regret later. I’ve got 20 more days to figure that out.

But I’ll be Hashing in style when I wear my newly made jersey from the Humphreys Hangover Hash House Harriers (5H)


It even has my “name” on the back! I’m thinking I should be a real chick magnet as I march along the paths in Subic.

Well, my next haircut will be given in the PI, but I had to laugh when I saw my former barbershop has a new banner up:

I’ll let you be the judge.

Onward!

Time will tell

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Preparation continues apace as the days (21!) to my departure wind down. Some packing left to do but I’ve also been busy closing doors.

Moving forward to an unknown future carries with it a sense of adventure. But that trip to tomorrow is best made traveling light, and that means leaving the baggage of the past in the past. Easier said than done of course.

Why yes, yes I have.

So this week I’ve let go of the love I felt for one, finally accepting that she will not be sharing my dreams of a happy life in the Philippines. Oddly enough, the sadness I feel is for her, not me. I know that sounds egotistical but in my heart I do believe she would have had a happier life with me than the one she has chosen. I hope I’m wrong about that, but regardless there is no escaping the consequences of our decisions. She has chosen a different path so I will walk mine without her.

The door to a future with Gem has also closed. As much by her choice as mine, although she professes to be hurt. We could just never connect on the emotional and intellectual level that I know I require in a relationship. I’m sorry to have disappointed her but at this stage of my life when it comes to love I’ve got two options left: what I want or nothing at all.

Another door to close and lots of goodbyes in store when I visit Seoul for the last time next weekend. There is always a sadness associated with endings I suppose. My goal is to not be overwhelmed or consumed with sorrow and regret. I’ll start my new life unencumbered and totally free to choose the door that leads to happiness.

Yeah, the old cliché about when one door closes, another opens is in my mind. As my arrival in the Philippines gets closer I’m starting to get messages from a few Filipinas I’ve befriended on Facebook strongly hinting (or outright asking) if they can join me in my new life. Clearly, I’m going to have the opposite problem women-wise than I do here; from no options to almost unlimited options. The level of desperation amongst many of the women I see on the social networks is both sad and scary. They are looking for a way out of their forlorn lives and they see me as their ticket. Well, perhaps for “the one” I will be.

My challenge is going to be to choose wisely. I can’t let my judgement be clouded by sympathy (or lust!). I need to move cautiously and slowly and have the strength to say “sorry, but no” and walk away. In short, I need to learn to harden my heart and stop being such a nice guy sucker. Time will tell.

All of my life, I’ve been waitin’ in the rain
I’ve been waitin’ for a feeling that never, ever came
It feels so close but always disappears

Darlin’, in your wildest dreams, you never had a clue
But it’s time you got the news

I’m gonna harden my heart
I’m gonna swallow my tears
I’m gonna turn and leave you here