So, I had the good fortune to secure some fresh strawberries. A friend is having fresh fruits and veggies shipped down from Baguio once a week and I ordered a kilo of berries for 450 pesos ($9). Yeah, a bit pricey but I haven’t seen a strawberry since the last time I visited Baguio back in February.

Those smoothie dreams were soon to be shattered, however.

A broken blender may well be an apt metaphor for my love life. It seems I don’t mix well with the female of the species. Last night I got a message from Jessa saying “I am serious about you but you aren’t serious about me”. I’m not sure why, but that message left me with a blend of feelings–anger, hurt, and sadness. I was a few beers into my night at that point so I chose to limit my response to “I’m sorry you feel that way”. This morning we chatted our way through the issue, but honestly, that kind of emotional manipulation is a huge red flag for me. More and more I’m thinking I might just be better off alone.

And when you are surrounded by nature’s beauty whilst out walking are you ever really alone? My hike today was a beast–6.66 kilometers exactly. Scary, huh? And check out this spider:

And I would suck as a banana harvester because you’d never get me to climb this ladder:

I had some interesting company at “Gomans” last night. And some food for thought for dinner. Well, technically I was alone and I was drinking and not eating, but it was enjoyable all the same.

The person I was spending time with was Jessa and we did it through the messenger app. I’ve mentioned her here on the blog a few times these past couple of years, most recently in March.. In fact, it was our Facebook “friendiversary” that prompted me to re-initiate contact. Here’s a brief recap of our relationship.

I first met Jessa when she was working at Treasure Island. She actually remembers me from a tourist visit when I was with a girlfriend. When I first moved to the Philippines I was staying out on Baloy Beach so I was a regular customer at T.I. Anyway, I developed a bit of a crush for her but began dating someone else before I could pursue things with Jessa. When I broke up (the first time) I tried to see if Jessa might share any interest in a sexy older man such as myself. Oh, she’s always called me “Gwapo” (handsome in Tagalog) instead of John–such a sweet talker! So I wound up taking Jessa and her friends out to celebrate her 30th birthday. When I asked her out to dinner a few days later, she invited her friends along as well. I was expecting something more romantic and although I like her friends I was disappointed. I came to the conclusion that Jessa wasn’t serious about me and I moved on. Or more precisely, I went back to my former toxic relationship. And as I was to become painfully aware both of those moves were mistakes. Big surprise, huh?

So, the world kept on spinning around and I would occasionally hear from Jessa via Facebook. She spent some time in Dubai working but decided to return home because she missed her daughter. When we had last talked she mentioned being involved with a German guy and she was not surprised to hear things had gone south once again with the woman I was seeing. And that’s where things stood when we spent two hours or so chatting online last night.

Jessa was equally sympathetic to my plight and brutally honest about how stupidly blind I had been. She offered me encouragement and advised me to take my time in finding a replacement. She admonished me about both my aversion to being alone and my cowardice in not being open to taking a chance on love with the right woman. She of course reminded me that I had blown an opportunity to be with her as she awaited a pursuit from me that never came. Nothing I hadn’t told myself before or heard from other friends, including a regular commenter here. But I think I needed to hear it again to toughen up my resolve to avoid taking the “easy road” in the future.

One of the things that impressed me was Jessa’s command of English and willingness to engage in a meaningful conversation. My ex didn’t like to talk much and I only understood some of what she said–not a good combination. So, communication ability is going to be high on my list of qualities I hope to find in any future relationship.

Anyway, I came home feeling much more positive about things and I have Jessa to thank for that. I really opened up to her, both good and bad about myself, and she didn’t hesitate to engage in blunt and honest discourse. It definitely helped, although I know I’ve still got a long way to go to get to where I need and want to be. During our chat, I was reminded of what is probably my favorite Stephen King quote. At the end of the night, I shared it with her and thanked her for being an understanding ear.

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.”

Still fighting the blues I’m afraid. But meanwhile, life goes on.

So there had been a moratorium on visa extensions during the enhanced quarantine. With the downgrade to general quarantine status, I was provided 30 days in which to visit the immigration office. I did so this morning.

I completed the paperwork for the standard 60-day tourist visa extension and waited for my turn in line. I was a little surprised by the fee of 4500 pesos ($90) as it is usually around 3000 pesos. Oh well. Once I was back in the vehicle and looked at my receipt I was irked to see my new visa is only valid until June 29. Talk about paying more for less! All I can figure is they granted the 60 days from the date my previous visa expired. Oh well, another trip to immigration is in my near future.

Upon returning home I changed clothes (you are supposed to wear long pants to immigration) and walked to Treasure Island on Baloy Beach. They are kinda sorta open again in an under the table kinda way. My motive for going to T.I. was to see a woman I’ve had the hots for in the past and who maybe liked me as well during a period when I was not available. I wrote a little about Ilene here. She used to come out and Hash with us on a regular basis and even earned her Hash name: Hot to Trot.

Anyway, with the reduced clientele at T.I., Ilene was the only person working (she normally is a receptionist). There were only a couple of other customers sitting at the beachside tables so I plopped down at the bar. Ilene seemed happy to see me so I ordered up a beer and a menu. See served the beer in a plastic glass so it wouldn’t appear I was actually drinking beer. I offered to treat her to some lunch but she declined. After a little chitchat, I asked how things were going with the boyfriend. She said he was still in Canada but hoped to return next month. I swallowed my disappointment and offered up some positive-sounding words. She then told me that the boyfriend warned her he would be making an occasional trip to Manila and Angeles City. And as everybody knows, there is only one reason to go to AC–the whores. She said he expected her to be understanding. Sensing an opportunity I asked her if she told him she would also occasionally be seeing her old Hash friend. She laughed and said something along the lines of “right”. She got called away by a customer at that point. When she returned I ordered a hamburger. Then she came back and told me the cook said he couldn’t do a hamburger “yet”. What the hell? Well, if he couldn’t do the burger I wasn’t wanting anything else off the menu either–especially the less popular stuff. Another guy came in and pulled up a chair near the reception desk which I thought a little odd. But after she went over to serve him I saw that they were acquainted and she chatted away while I looked at my empty beer glass.

Needless to say, I don’t see Ilene joining me in any future Hash. Oh well, onward to the next one I suppose.

Speaking of the Hash, here are some photos from yesterday’s COVID Run #4.

That’s where things stand as of now. I reckon I’ll head on over to “Gomans” to drink some beers and look the part of the lonely guy. It’s what I do best!

Oh, and about the title to this post. Just before I sat down here to blog I took a nap. And just before I woke up I was dreaming. And while I don’t remember much about the dream, I do remember this song was playing in the background of whatever drama my REM-sleep generated. I have no idea why.

There is a town in north Ontario,
With dream comfort memory to spare,
And in my mind
I still need a place to go,
All my changes were there.

Blue, blue windows behind the stars,
Yellow moon on the rise,
Big birds flying across the sky,
Throwing shadows on our eyes.
Leave us

Helpless, helpless, helpless
Baby can you hear me now?
The chains are locked
and tied across the door,
Baby, sing with me somehow.

And not just the ones in my head.

An odd afternoon yesterday. I hadn’t heard from my wife in several months and then received a message wishing me a happy birthday. My birthday is in August. Apparently she saw my party post here or on Facebook and assumed it was for me. Anyway, we exchanged some pleasantries and it was mostly good to hear from her again. I try not to think about how much I miss that old life that has been dead and buried for years now.

I also got an email from a woman I loved 13 years ago. It wasn’t so nice. She demanded that I delete a photo of her from a post I wrote here well over a year ago. I thought about it long and hard, sought out some advice, slept on it, and ultimately decided to leave the picture where it is. I did remove her name from that post which should make her invisible to a Google search. Had she made a polite request of me I probably would have done what she asked. I don’t respond well to being told what to do in a rude manner though. I did search my email archives to verify her claim that she had asked several times for the photo to be removed and as I expected, she had not. In fact, the last time we had corresponded was in 2008. In that exchange, she apologized for the manner in which she had ended our relationship and we both professed our love for one another. That was a better way to leave things than her latest correspondence. I found that missive unworthy of response. Well, I guess this post is my response.

In other unrelated news, when I first started playing darts in Itaewon, “Petro” Petrocelli was the President of the Seoul International Dart League and one of my mentors. He’s been back in the USA for quite some time now and is a sponsored professional darter in Ohio. His wife is a Filipina and I still hear from him occasionally on Facebook.

In darts, you have to double out. I just doubled down. Su Mi.

In quarantine news, the President announced last night that all of central Luzon, including Manila, would be downgraded from the enhanced level to general quarantine status. From what I’ve been reading that’s not going to make a bit of difference for me. Well, there are some rumors that restaurants will be able to offer dine-in service, at 50% capacity. We’ll see.

This one is for you too, Kevin:

Speaking of time, we are all going to run out of it someday. I hope that when I go I’ll be able to give a meaningful gift like this to someone who cares for me:

Does this video from the birthday party work on your computer?

As bad as I get, I’ll never be a Joe Biden though:

That’s all I’ve got for now. I suspect it is more than enough.

I hosted a birthday party at my place yesterday afternoon. It was by far the largest gathering I’ve ever had at my house. But more about that event later in this post.

Tuesday afternoon I did some shopping. Started out at the appliance store where I purchased this beauty:

I also purchased a new blender. I knew it was low-quality made in China crap, but I didn’t have much else to choose from. It was just $25 and I figured it would get me through until I could buy something more powerful. Nope. I burned out the motor on my first attempt to make smoothies. Damn it!

I also visited the DiviMart to pick up some cheap plastic chairs and a table to accommodate my party guests. I got what I was looking for and figured I was good to go so off I went. Unloaded my driver’s car and settled in for some season 7 viewing of Game of Thrones.

So the big party day arrived with the festivities scheduled to begin in the early afternoon. But the house started filling up with Filipinas in the morning hours and they set about preparing the birthday feast. I had a walk scheduled for 10 a.m. so I wished them well in their endeavors and set out for my trek.

In addition to my regular walking mates Jim and Scott, we were joined by Troy and his gal Jessa and a former Hasher named Harry.

When we arrived back at the house the party was in full swing. The celebration was by and for a Filipina so us guys weren’t really relevant to the gals in attendance. Still, we got to eat the food and drink the beers. Well, the beers were mine anyway.

Some of the Filipinas were drinking Emperador, a popular local rum. The rest of us were drinking beer. Lots of beer! I had 36 bottles in the house at the start. And then we sent out for 48 more. Had a few more people show up than I anticipated and they all came thirsty. Apparently.

Maybe not so coincidentally, the night did not end without incident. It began with an accident that may have been an omen. Those chairs and stools I purchased for the party? Well, I was sitting on one of the stools, until I wasn’t.

As curfew approached and the beer ran out (again) people started heading home. Most had walked to my place (or taken a trike). One guest drove though. I didn’t pay much attention to his condition when he departed but a little while later I got a message from his angry girlfriend. It seems my guest had hit someone with his car and kept on going. She said I shouldn’t have allowed him to drive drunk. And she’s right about that. He seemed fine to me when he left but then again, I’m sure I was drunk by then and wouldn’t have known the difference. Of course, I feel bad about it though.

So, this morning he tells me that he apparently clipped a woman’s arm as she walked. A woman who just happens to be a barangay official and is also acquainted with his girlfriend. The girlfriend went to the injured woman’s house last night and did her best to smooth things over. This morning he went to the barangay and was cited for a quarantine violation, driving under the influence, and leaving the scene of an accident. I’m not sure what happens next, but he wasn’t jailed at least. I expect a fine and compensation to the victim is in his future. Hopefully nothing more severe.

One of the last things I remember from last night was Harry passed out on the dining room floor.

I actually don’t know Harry that well so the morning encounter was a little weird. I offered some coffee which he declined. He said he was waiting for daylight before making his way back home and went to lie down on the couch. He left about an hour later without saying anything.

Meanwhile, I went to do my morning internet rituals. I had a bit of a hangover and low energy, but otherwise was feeling okay. And then someone sent me the last photograph taken of me at the party:

Not much else I can say in my defense. It was a good party. A nice break from the boring lockdown routines. And not something I’ll be doing again anytime soon.

Promise.

Well, no matter how you slice it, today marks two years, or twenty-four months or 731 days that I’ve been living in the Philippines. Time flies.

Not sure what to make of this anniversary. These past couple of months have been rather unpleasant but overall I can’t say I regret making the move. I have a comfortable and comparatively easy life here. I never found the love I’d hoped for but I’m learning to live without it. I’ve settled into my routines and as my faithful readers have surely noticed, that can sometimes get a little on the boring side. Honestly though, I mostly enjoy the walking, with a group or on my own. I miss my bar life these days which provided some semblance of a social life. I guess that’s enough for an old retired guy.

Looking backwards (dangerous I know!) I do miss the life I left behind in Korea. Not enough to second guess my decision to move here, but I have regrets about not appreciating my time there while I was living it. There’s something to be said for living in the moment. I was too busy lamenting the life I’d lost to enjoy the life I was living I suppose.

Looking forward I imagine this life will do and if it doesn’t I’ll do something different. Getting a first-hand taste of the utter incompetence of the idiots in charge does make me consider dusting off my Plan B. I understand Cambodia is back to pretty much normal these days. Well, at least the bars are open again there. But I ain’t going anywhere anytime soon. I do want to incorporate more travel into my life once things calm down again.

As to regrets, well, you know the song, I’ve had a few. Although really, the disappointments were the tuition to the school of experience. I’ve been scammed a few times by women I thought I knew and trusted, been ghosted by people I considered friends, and let down on occasion when I misjudged the true nature of someone’s character. But honestly, I’ve been doing that all my life so I guess it’s really on me.

So, the journey continues until it ends and I’m still motivated to keep on moving forward as long as possible. I’m relatively healthy and I’m thankful for that. I think my being here has made a positive difference in a few lives and that was one of my goals when I made the move. I’m going to strive to live each day as it comes and be satisfied with whatever it brings. And whenever I start feeling depressed or sorry for myself, I’ll just take a look out the window.

Thanks for joining me here. It’s nice to have y’all along for the ride!

“A man’s admiration of absolute government is proportionate to the contempt he feels for those around him.” –Tocqueville

I do my best to go along to get along. Compliance with the spirit, if not the letter, of the quarantine directives, seems appropriate. But I refuse to disengage my brain and blindly follow stupidity solely on the basis of “do it because I told you so”. Here’s an example of something that just pissed me off when I saw it:

I comply with the curfew. I maintain social distancing to the extent possible and certainly more than most Filipinos I observe. I wear a mask, such as it is, when I’m on the street as required. But I’m going to walk my dogs. And if I choose to take a hike, how is that different than walking to the market place? I’d say it’s a damn sight safer for me alone on the mountain than in a crowded grocery store. And even when I’m at the Speakeasy, I keep a safe distance from the other guests. The point is, even when I’m technically in violation, I do it in such a way as to not endanger others.

I’ve had to bite my tongue (withhold my fingers?) on social media where the do-gooders and busybodies criticize people like me who don’t adopt their strict “stay at home” mantra. Sometimes the attacks are personal but I just ignore them and move on. Oh, I might do a Facebook post quoting Tocqueville or a status of preferring to not be a sheep. I don’t know if they make the connection or not and I guess I don’t really care. Well, I cared enough to post this rant, but that’s the extent of it.

So, today I had to go out for some essentials–specifically dog food. I chose a mountainous 8K route to the veterinarian’s office to make my purchase. There, see totally in accordance with the quarantine procedures.

Anyway, just gotta keep on keepin’ on until this madness is over and done with.

Stay safe everyone!

So it would appear. There was a protest down Manila way and President Duterte responded thusly:

President Rodrigo Duterte ordered the police and the military to shoot violators of the enhanced community quarantine if they are unruly and prove to be a threat to law enforcers’ lives.

Duterte’s statement came hours after residents of a Quezon City barangay staged a protest demanding food aid, which they said they have yet to receive. His statement also came as calls for his ouster flooded social networking site Twitter.

Duterte appealed to aid beneficiaries to be patient as he addressed “the Left,” telling them not to riot or he will have them jailed.
“I will order you detained at bibitawan ko kayo pagkatapos na wala na itong COVID,” he said. “‘Pag kayo ang na-detain, bahala kayo sa pagkain ninyo.”
[Translation: I will order you detained and I will release you after this COVID-19 crisis is over…If you are detained, you are on your own when it comes to food.]

Is this a great country or what?

Closer to home, it seems some of the locals don’t like seeing us foreigners out and about enjoying our privileged life.

With all due respect, let me just say this: Fuck you! Our being out and about, primarily up in the mountains creates no danger to you or your neighbors. We do maintain safe distances and have little to no interaction with the locals. Unless we are giving them food, treats, or money.

The owner of Baker’s Table restaurant has initiated a charity drive to provide food to our needy neighbors here in Barretto. Apparently, the Barangay officials are too busy erecting barriers and otherwise making a bad situation worse that they can’t be bothered doing something meaningful like feeding the hungry.

You know, it does seem that sometimes no good deed goes unpunished. This guy (I’ll come him Africa) is doing all the heavy lifting, going out and gathering the supplies, bagging them up, and then working through the Barangay to identify appropriate recipients. When Africa announced this effort on one of the internet forums, he couched it in terms of “if our neighbors are going hungry, us “rich” foreigners are going to become targets of opportunity; so it behooves us to work together to keep folks fed. Woo Boy, he took some flak for his uncharitable motivations. Fuck that. I do some stuff on my own and I do it for admittedly selfish reasons. It’s hard to live large in a country where so many have so little. Helping out a few eases my conscience and assuages my guilt. Sue me. The people benefitting from my efforts sure as hell don’t care why I’m doing it.

Speaking of selfish motivations, when I dropped into Baker’s Table to make my contribution today, I picked up these hot out of the oven pies:

As promised, here are some photos from yesterday’s hike:

Our surprise was getting almost to the bottom and encountering an officious old hag who sternly advised us our path was closed to non-residents. We tried to argue we were on a charity mission (we had in fact handed out food and money to a destitute family up top), but she wouldn’t budge. She stood between us and the way back home so we didn’t have much choice but to ignore her. She threatened to “take our picture” and we just shrugged her off. She told us she would report us to the barangay, and we kept walking. Then she threatened to call the police. Oh well, do what you have to do. Before we reached the bottom Ed, Helen, and I veered off to take an overland route back to Alta Visa (Ed and Helen are my neighbors). I figured if the cops were really laying in wait, I’d rather go a different way. Turns out there were no problems getting home for any of us, which was a relief.

We’ve decided that in the future we will stay on the My Bitch mountain to avoid power-mad old ladies. We will also meet up on the mountain so as to not make a spectacle of ourselves walking the quarantined streets.

The things we do to keep the peace in our little town.

The fun times continue! Such as they are. Well, you’ve got to go with the flow and make the best of an unfortunate situation I suppose. You never know what’s going to happen next. But I do know what happened since I last posted here and I’m happy to report that info to you, my faithful readers.

I did an afternoon walk down Baloy Beach way and it was deserted and kinda spooky. Almost all the resorts are closed now, and the couple that remain open are for take-out food only. Honestly, I would not want to walk that road alone in the dark.

Once I’d donned my mask, had my temperature checked (36.5C), and lathered my hands in the required alcohol solution, I stepped inside my local DiviMart to see what was available. I was actually pretty surprised that there were only a handful of customers inside the store. I was hoping to score a loaf of bread but there was none available. The meat section was pretty much wiped out as well. I grabbed some off the shelf milk, some cookies, and some candy (to hand out on my hikes) and headed for the checkout. Three cashiers, no one in line. I picked the cute one, paid and headed on home.

On the way home I ran into my Filipina neighbor, Joy. She jokingly asked if I left anything for her and I warned her about the bread situation. I saw her again later in the afternoon and she was pissed. It seems the Barangay folks wouldn’t let her go to the store, telling her she had to go during specified hours. She pointed out to them that a foreigner (me) had been allowed to shop and the official just shrugged and said: “we aren’t stopping foreigners.” That REALLY got her goat (she is married to one by the way).

Anyway, that’s the kind of bullshit that makes an already difficult situation worse. The store was practically empty while I was there, why deny a person entry? Ignorance abounds.

Last night found me back at my new old favorite hangout, “Gomans”.

The same handful of customers from the previous night were also in attendance. I kept my distance, both to avoid the virus and to not have to engage in their political discussions. I did learn from one of those present that she had run into a waitress from the [nearby place] on her way to work. I was surprised because I’d heard they were closed. This called for more investigation, so I left Gomans at 7:00, well in advance of the 8 p.m. curfew, and headed on over to [nearby place].

Upon arriving I saw a large sign saying closed and that the front door was blocked by a security guard. As I approached he said “Closed sir”. I asked if the manager, Sean, was working. The guard nodded and I asked him if he would tell Sean that John was outside. The guard left and a few minutes later Sean appeared, nodded, and gestured for me to come inside. He escorted me into the indoor bar (not poolside like in the past). There were half a dozen customers inside enjoying alcoholic beverages. Woo Hoo! Now I have another option for those lonely quarantined nights. I had a quick couple of beers and laughed with Sean about it feeling like a prohibition-era speakeasy joint. Left in time to make it home prior to curfew. No need to push my luck!

This morning I met up with Scott, Dave, and Joh (Dave’s wife) for a very pleasant 8K hike.

And now it is time to once again go peruse the menu at Gomans. Let it be.