Well, technically, we haven’t had a first dance–horizontally or vertically. Yet. Perhaps we never will. That’s the somewhat ambiguous outcome of my meeting yesterday with .

I met MJ last year during one of our group hikes. She lives up on the mountain at the very end of Rizal Extension. In fact, the My Bitch trail passes by her place. Her three kids reside with her there as well. I’ve mentioned MJ in passing a couple of times here at LTG, but I really don’t know her well at all. We’ve become Facebook friends and will occasionally like each other’s posts, but otherwise, I’ve only had an occasional brief chat when she’s home as we go hiking by. So, all told maybe three or four times since we’ve met.

So, as I said, I don’t know a lot about her. Hiking buddies Scott and Dave filled me in on some of her history. Back in the day, she worked in the Barretto bar scene. She eventually wound up in a relationship with an American bar manager named Denny, who fathered at least two of her children. He later left her for another woman and moved to Angeles City. Denny eventually moved back to the USA but apparently still sent some financial support for his kids. A few months ago I saw that MJ had updated her status on Facebook to “in a relationship.” That’s pretty much the extent of what I knew about her prior to our meeting yesterday afternoon.

You may be wondering how this meeting with a relative stranger came about. Well, I was surprised to get a message out of the blue from MJ on Thursday. After some small talk, she asked if I knew of any bars that are hiring. I named a couple of places that might be looking for help. She mentioned that she’s 35 years old now, which admittedly is pretty ancient for the bar biz. I asked why she was looking for work and she told me that Denny had recently died and she was no longer receiving support. She talked about the stress she was under worrying about how she was going to feed and take care of her kids. I offered my sympathies and for some reason asked her if she’d like to meet up. She immediately agreed and we set a date for Friday at 2:00. I asked her where she wanted to get together and she said T-Rose. I told her that’s fine, but the bar is now named It Doesn’t Matter.

After the chat with MJ, I had a WTF are you doing conversation with myself. I mean, it was clear that MJ needed help from someone, but I wondered about both of our motivations and expectations. There was only one way to find that out, so the meeting was on. Going in, I knew I was prepared to offer MJ some short-term relief. Beyond that, I wasn’t so sure. And what was she looking for? My mind was all over the map on that one, especially my dirty mind. One example: Why did she choose It Doesn’t Matter (T-Rose) to meet? Could it be because there is a short-time hotel right across the street? Hmm. So many possibilities!

I was pleased when MJ arrived as scheduled. I really don’t like “Filipina time”, or as they call it back home, being fashionably late. She parked her motorbike and joined me at the outside bar, I offered her a drink, and she said “coffee”. And then we got down to business. MJ thanked me again for meeting with her. She talked about her isolated life on the mountain. It’s beautiful up there and she loves planting in her garden, but she has no friends to talk with about her stress and worry up on the mountaintop. I assured her I was happy to be an understanding ear. She explained more about her situation. Apparently, she owns a pretty nice piece of property (I assume Denny bought it for her) more than just the lot her house sits on. She said she might try and sell a portion of that land to generate some cash. She said she is also trying to sell her appliances, including a recently purchased refrigerator. I was sympathetic, but did tell her those were short term fixes and in the long run she’d need to develop a consistent cash income. I told her about the situation in the bars and even if she finds a job, until tourists return she won’t be making much money. I also mentioned that working late into the night and then making the trip back up the mountain wouldn’t be easy. You can reach her place on a scooter, but I wouldn’t want to in the dark. MJ also said her mother was available to watch her kids if she was working.

I asked MJ if she had a Filipino boyfriend (lots of the women here do, even the ones with foreigner boyfriends) and she indignantly said “no!”, indicating that she had never been with a Filipino and didn’t like them. Okay, then. I mentioned I had seen her “in a relationship” status on Facebook and asked who that was. She told me it was an 80 year old Australian she had never met in person and that he too had recently died. I asked her if she was on any of the dating sites and she said she wasn’t. I suggested a couple of them to her and told of some gals I know are getting money sent to them from guys they met online. Maybe she could try that. I asked if she had any other skills besides bar work, using massage as an example. MJ said that she had been trained as a masseuse in the past. I told her that might be a better fit than the bars are currently. I said I might even be interested in being a customer.

Of course, that triggered my dirty mind again. I glanced across the street at the hotel and the devil on my left shoulder said “why not, she’s desperate.” The angel on my right shoulder told me “c’mon, you’re better than that!” So, I handed MJ the 2500 pesos I had come prepared to give her, no strings attached. She got teary-eyed as she thanked me. I told her this was just a way to help her get started, but she needed to find some longer-term solutions to her situation. She thanked me again for the money and for listening to her and I told her I was glad to help. There’s also a grocery store across the street, and after saying our goodbyes, she headed over there.

MJ sent a message after she got back home thanking me again and sent this photo of her bounty:

So, that’s how the meeting went. I suppose it sounds anti-climatic after the teaser in yesterday’s post. In my defense, I didn’t know for sure there wouldn’t be a climax involved at the time.

I guess my takeaways from the meeting are that MJ is a sincere woman facing a tough road ahead. I’m certainly in no position to be her savior. I’m glad I got the opportunity to know her a little better. I’m not, however, physically or emotionally attracted to her. So, I won’t be the replacement boyfriend. I may consider offering her a spot in my “friends with benefits” program though. My masseuse vacancy remains unfilled. We’ll see.

And here we are facing another Saturday night. I’m actually getting together with some friends for drinks and dinner on the old Navy base. Something a little different for a change!

And life goes on.

I guess it’s time for me to find out what the hell is going on inside this old body of mine. I can’t cure what ails me until I know what’s causing my symptoms, so that means seeking the help of a medical professional. Here’s what I’ve been dealing with for the past several days:

• Sinus congestion–I’m pretty sure this is related to my chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), but it has been getting more severe. Most nights I wake up so clogged I need to come downstairs and use my nebulizer so my lungs can function more effectively. It used to be I only had this problem while sleeping, but lately, I’m congested during the daytime too.

• Low energy–the lethargy and lack of stamina continue. Even the slightest climb leaves me huffing and puffing. Some days it takes all my willpower to even go out and attempt a hike, other days I say fuck it and stay home. That’s not like me, and I don’t like feeling that way.

• Heart rate–one of the things I monitor on a daily basis is resting heart rate. It’s recently gone up from the low 60s to 75 beats per minute (bpm), the highest it’s been since I’ve been checking it. From what I’ve read, I don’t need to be concerned unless it goes to over 100 bpm, but the fact that it has risen so much so quickly makes me wonder why.

• Itchy hands and feet–this is a very recently occurring problem, and it is especially bad at night. It’s not bites or skin issues (no rash or other marks), it is something internal. I hate this symptom the most because it makes it difficult to sleep at night. According to the internet, this kind of itchiness is sometimes related to kidney or liver disease. Well, I can’t imagine that any of my habits would affect my kidneys or liver, but you never know until you check.

Gonna see if I can schedule a full physical examination and consultation with a physician to discuss these issues and find a resolution I can live with. Stay tuned.

Despite my medical issues, I still managed to find a little Joy in my life. We had a pleasant lunch at Mango’s yesterday. I’ve got to give her credit, she is sticking to the script almost perfectly. Sure, she will occasionally hint around about something more, but when I say “that’s not what I’m looking for” she backs off immediately. She has also been very good about not asking for cash or other gifts. Joy does have a birthday coming up and I will reward her with a shopping excursion if she continues to play by the rules of the “friends with benefits program” we’ve established.

After lunch, Joy accompanied me back home. I was content to just cuddle for a bit and maybe take a nap. Joy wasn’t having that, and before long she made it, um, too hard for me to say no. That’s another thing in her favor–enthusiasm! And if she is faking those orgasms she deserves an academy award. Anyway, I sent her home with $70, some treats for her kids, and a smile on her face. We’ll meet again in two weeks and celebrate her 32nd birthday. So far, at least, we are both getting what we want and need.

For my evening entertainment, I visited It Doesn’t Matter. As is my custom I sat outside, but the place was hopping inside and out. I’m glad they are doing well in these difficult times. I might have been on my fourth beer or so when I see a young woman walking her dog. And lo and behold, it was Marick, the gal I bought the kimbap from last week. I asked if she would like to join me for a beer and she handed me her dog and came in to join me. We had a nice chat and I asked her why she didn’t come to the Hash anymore. She said she couldn’t afford the 350 peso entry fee. I mentioned that I sponsored several gals each week and she would be welcome to join in. She finished her beer and headed back to work. This morning Marick sent me a message asking if I would indeed sponsor her for the Hash? I told her “of course!”, and she said she’d see me there. It will be fun to see where this goes.

Will I live long enough to fall in love again? And if I do, will I die of a broken heart? I reckon there’s only one way to find out.

This afternoon I hear Dive In beckoning to me. Perhaps I’ll get the chance to share a drink or two with sweet Jessa. It’s also Wednesday, so that means some Korean wings from The Pub are in my future. Speaking of which, John Kim has introduced a new sandwich:

I’ll be back tomorrow with pictures from today’s Wednesday Walkers hike and any other adventures that might befall me tonight. See you then!

…but it’s free.

I’m not sure you could squeeze any more emptiness into a day than I managed to do yesterday. Never left the house. Didn’t drink a beer. Slept for eleven and a half hours, pretty much double my daily dose. As for walking, here’s what my Fitbit had to say:

Comparatively speaking, I feel practically normal today. Whatever in the hell that is, I did the dog walk and was considering a modest morning hike, but then decided to not push myself today. I want this over and done with, once and for all. I think I’m close.

Outside the walls of my comfortable prison, the world appears to be going on as it always has. Or at least the begging requests (hungry and/or sick kids seem to be this week’s theme) continue apace. For the most part, I just ignore them and that seems to get the message across. I got a new one from Rose Ann this week that illustrates the mentality of some of these gals.

Some quick background on Rose, I met her long ago when she was working at Cheap Charlies. I wrote about the time I happened upon her outside of work:

Some long-ago day I was out on one of my walks and passing through one of the poorer sections of town. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a young woman’s backside. As I enjoyed the view she turned around and gave me a big smile. “Hello, John,” she said. I was dumbfounded and had no idea who she was. Seeing my confusion, she told me “I work at Cheap Charlies”. So, it took me a few visits before I could find that ass face again, but ever since I’ve enjoyed sharing a drink with her.

Anyway, I’ve always been a little sweet on her and I still occasionally see her when i pass through the neighborhood on my hikes. She’s not been back to Cheap Charlies since the early days of the pandemic. She used to have an Australian “boyfriend” sending her support, but I guess that’s ended now (her Facebook status says “single” again). I know she has a couple of kids and I’m pretty sure she has a Filipino boyfriend/husband. Of course, none of that is any of my business, but she does occasionally initiate contact out of the blue. Usually when she wants or needs something.

Several months ago she was looking for work–did I need a housekeeper? I told her I have a live-in helper, but my masseuse had recently moved and I was looking for a replacement. She said she didn’t know how to do massage, but I told her that her shoulder rubs in Cheap Charlies were always very nice. She made it clear she wasn’t interested though, and that was that. This week I get a message saying her kids are hungry and she would like me to wire her P2500. I ignored the request. Later she came back asking for P1000, but I still wasn’t budging.

Then she got a little smarter, she actually chatted me up some. Asked about hiking, teased me about bringing her cookies, and the like. I invited her to join me on a hike, but she gave me a “some other time” response. Okay then. “Oh, by the way, can you loan me 500 pesos so I can buy food?” Sure, I told her, you gonna come by the house to pick it up? (we are 15 minutes apart on foot). “Can you wire the money?” No was my response, and I haven’t heard from her since.

That’s the part I don’t get. Why play me for a sucker? If you really need money for your hungry kids, come on over and give me a lousy massage and I’ll give you some cash. If you find the thought of touching me disgusting, then at least act like we are friends–join me on a hike, make me feel special. If that ain’t worth it to you, the bring your pathetic self to my house and pick up the cash in person. I live closer than any of the money exchange places you want me to wire it to. Why should I have to go through that hassle to give you money?

Anyway, that’s the latest example. Things must be tough, there have been several others.

In what I think is unrelated news, I learned a new term today: solo polyamory:

It described a person who is romantically involved with many people but is not seeking a committed relationship with anyone. What makes this different from casual dating is that they’re not looking for a partner, and the relationship isn’t expected to escalate to long-term commitments, like marriage or children. More important, the relationship isn’t seen as wasted time or lacking significance because it doesn’t lead to those things.

Hmm, kind of like my “friends with benefits” charity program. Honestly though, I think there are always strings attached. I’m pretty sure Joy wants more than I’m giving, both emotionally and financially, but she’s trying to figure out how to get there from here. You can’t. I’m sure she’ll figure that out soon enough. I’m not totally satisfied either, but it’s the best option available at the moment for a polyamorous bastard like me.

And that’s about all I’ve got for today. Well, other than this:

Hopefully, that’s all I’ve been spreading lately. I was surprised when a vehicle and driver I didn’t recognize pulled up in front of the house to take me grocery shopping yesterday. I found out later that my regular driver, Danny, isn’t feeling well. With Linda’s recently reported illness, that means everyone in the car on the trip to Angeles City has been under the weather. I can’t speak for the others, but I still don’t believe my ailment is COVID-related. Perhaps I’m being willfully ignorant in that regard, but I don’t think so based on what I’ve read. And I’m not even tempted to get a test, the accuracy of which is at best suspect.

So then, my big news from yesterday was the second physical meeting with Joy, my new friend with benefits. We’ve been chatting on a daily basis and that’s gone reasonably well. Joy has hinted around at some things I’m not comfortable with, but backs down right away when I reject her overtures. For example, she asked a few days ago if she could spend the night with me. I told her no, I was not interested in that kind of relationship. She played it off like she was teasing, and that’s fine. She seems to have got the message that whatever this is, it is never going to be more than this.

Anyway, Joy arrived at the appointed hour. I had promised her some lunch, so I asked her if she would like to eat my balls? She said she would later, but now could she have lunch please? Yeah, that really happened. She laughed when I put a bowl of meatballs in front of her. I have noticed, generally speaking, that for a purported “English-speaking” country, the level and quality of spoken English can be disappointing. I’ve noted that Joy and I often don’t understand each other, which can be a little frustrating. Says the man who speaks almost no Tagalog.

After lunch, we went upstairs. Joy offered me a massage and I, of course, accepted. She did a decent job for someone without training. When the massage was completed, she removed her clothes and laid down next to my naked body. And then nature took its course, and I must say, we synched very nicely and had a mutually enjoyable session of lovemaking. Well, it wasn’t about “love”, but you know what I mean.

Once the deed was done, we got dressed and came back downstairs and had a beer. I gave her the standard fee of 3000 pesos, then gave her an additional 2000 so she could have a nice birthday party for her daughter later this week. She seemed genuinely moved and gave me a big hug. We finished our beers and then she left to go home.

So, what is my assessment of our most recent encounter? As I mentioned, the sex was good. Better than good, actually, and I think part of that is because it wasn’t strictly a “pay for play” proposition. Also, after a month or so of low-intensity chats, we at least have a nice comfort level with one another. In that sense at least, my friend with benefits strategy paid off. I got some sexual satisfaction and Joy got the rent paid and money for her daughter. Win-win, right? Well, honestly, not quite. I mean, I have no complaints and it felt good to know that I’ve brought some, er, joy into Joy’s life. Still, truth be told it still feels a little hollow and meaningless. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but my almost perfectly executed strategy still leaves me unfulfilled. On the other hand, I’m not dealing with all the baggage that comes with having a girlfriend, so maybe I should just count my blessings and move on. It is what it is.

*Hat tip to commenter Bob for suggesting the title for today’s post.

Or maybe just a new pastime. I report, you decide. But before I get to that, here is how my lazy Tuesday went down:

As usual, I went to Royal for my weekly grocery shopping. I am happy to report that my tab was just a little over my $250. goal. I’d call that progress. $150 less than two weeks ago. That’s how much I’m saving without bringing my helpers along to fill the cart.

Back at home, I had to invoke Rule #1 again. This request was a bit more twisted than usual. A female Hasher, who is in a relationship with another Hasher, gave me her sad story and asked me for a “loan”. Seems her long-term boyfriend has put her on a budget and she can’t abide by that. Well, I sure as hell ain’t getting in the middle of that kind of domestic situation. And since she is in a relationship with someone I know, I can’t do my standard quid pro quo offer. I responded in my normal fashion to this type of request. Silence. I thought it was funny when I saw that an hour or so later she had deleted her message. Guess she was afraid I’d show it to the wrong person or something. Ah well, these are hard times for many but I’m working hard to lose my reputation as a sucker.

So, if I’m not a sucker, what does that make me? Here’s the latest weirdness to happen in my life. I’ve accepted several Facebook friend requests from women I’ve never previously met. The only connection we have is some mutual FB friends. A couple of them have been sending me messages since then asking me to meet them. For a while, I just ignored them. They persisted though, and I eventually sent some brief responses along the lines of “not today, busy”, “sorry, going out of town”, but they didn’t take the hint. It got me wondering about their motivation. Which led me to engage with Elley, just to see what her deal was.

Elley asked again to meet me. I asked her what she had in mind. She said I want to come see you at your house. I asked what she wanted to do. She said just drink with you. I told her I don’t drink this early in the day. She responded, okay we just boom-boom (local parlance for having sex). Well, pervert that I am I told her that sounds good. She said she would hop in a trike and come right away. I told her I paid P3000 for short time and she was happy with that amount. I asked how old she was and she told me 20.

She came, so did I, and then she left. I gave her some cookies to give her kid. This morning she sent a message that she wanted to go hiking with me on Sunday and see the mountains. I didn’t respond. This afternoon she asked if she could come over with her cousin. I asked why and she said they were bored. I told her I was busy today. She is not my type to be honest, although I did appreciate the offer to go hiking. The sex was okay, but nothing special. This is probably a one-and-done situation for me and Elley.

This afternoon I had a long and surprisingly enjoyable chat with the other new FB friend, Joy. She is 31 with two kids and is also in financial distress. During the course of our conversation I invited her to lunch tomorrow and she accepted. I’m going to make burritos. I made it clear that I was not looking for a relationship, but that I hoped we could be “friends with benefits”. She was shy about the sex for money thing, but I explained it wasn’t really like that. She needed help that I could provide. The sex was simply her way of saying “thank you”. That concept seemed to ease her mind. I might actually enjoy spending time with this one. We shall see.

Am I taking advantage of these gals? Should I feel guilty about it? You know, they are free to accept or reject my offers. They want and need my help, they have something I want and need in return. Seems like a win-win to me. Tomorrow with Joy I am going to take the same approach I did with Maria. I’ll give her the money at lunchtime. She can stay with me or go if she wants. I actually don’t like paying for sex, but I’ll gladly accept some intimacy’s offered in gratitude for my “generosity”. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.

Ain’t life grand?

So, about that lunch “date” yesterday. I’m using the word date, although there were not any romantic implications to the meet-up. Maria, like many other folks, has been really struggling financially. Her salary and workhours were reduced so she’s only bringing home 600 pesos ($12.) a week. That’s enough to eat but there’s nothing left over to pay the rent. I told her I’d be willing to help her out with her needs if she would help with mine. She agreed, so I arranged for us to meet up at Sit-n-Bull for lunch prior to taking care of business.

It had been a while since I’ve had Mexican food, so I ordered up a chicken enchilada. Maria opted for a quesadilla, but I had to school her on the proper pronunciation–dee-ah not dill-ah. The enchilada was mediocre and served lukewarm. I was reminded of why I don’t eat much Mexican these days–lots of places offer it, few make it well. Anyway, I was looking forward to dessert at my house!

But here’s the thing. After thinking about the arrangement I wasn’t really comfortable with the implications. Maria is, I think, a good woman in desperate circumstances. I didn’t like the feeling that I was taking advantage of that fact. The other thing is, I really don’t like paying for sex; it is so much more pleasurable when both parties are enthusiastic participants. Or at least freely willing. So I decided to give Maria the money upfront rather than after the act. Her rent was taken care of so it would be a matter of if, and how, she might express her gratitude. I think that there is s subtle difference there, at least in my mind.

So, I slipped Maria the money and invited her to join me on the ten-minute walk to my house. She agreed. We sat at the kitchen table and chatted a bit then I said “let’s go upstairs to the bedroom.” She asked “why”, almost as if we hadn’t made a prior arrangement. I responded, “let’s see what happens”. She somewhat reluctantly followed me up the stairs. Honestly, I was okay either way–she had her rent money, and if that’s all she came for, fine. There wouldn’t be a next time. On the other hand, if she was willing to provide some satisfaction as a way of saying thanks, perhaps she wouldn’t have to worry about next month’s rent.

I laid down on the bed, she went into the bathroom. I heard her mutter something unintelligible, then she cracked the door and asked me to bring her her purse from downstairs. After I retrieved it, she told me she had started her mens and I could see the blood in the toilet if I didn’t believe her. Yuck! No, that won’t be necessary! She took a pad from her purse, went back inside the bathroom, and when she came out she laid down next to me on the bed. She apologized and I said she had nothing to be sorry about. We snuggled some and had a nice little chat. She told me she had never gone with a man for money before. I explained that this was more of a “friends with benefits” situation. We were simply taking care of each other’s needs. She seemed to like that concept and promised me we could get together again in a few days. We’ll see.

I walked her to the street, gave her trike fare, and said goodbye.

Took a nap then hoofed it over to Mango’s.

Today is Hash Monday. Guenter is the Hare. He posted that the Hares will escort the Hashers to the trailhead at 2:30. He also said that he had added another kilometer and another climb to satisfy some folks making the trip from Angeles City. I responded that I am old and slow and wanted to start early, where does the trail begin? He responded that it begins at 2:30 at VFW with the Hare escort. It took all the restraint I had to not respond fuck you and fuck that on the group page. But I’ll say it here–fuck you and fuck that. I’ll do my own trail, asshole. Scott is going to scout around to see if we might be able to locate the trail on our own. Either way, I’m departing the VFW at 2:00 p.m. I’ll go when and where I want and I certainly don’t need anyone’s permission to do so. If I sound a bit angry about this chickenshit power trip the Hare seems to want to impose, it is only because I am.

Oh, well. It’s all good. Look for a full report tomorrow.