Category Archives: The story of my life

As you were

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Pretty much closed the door on Marissa. Longish chat on messenger. She told me she was sorry for being “bad” and did the teary eyed emojis. I assured her she isn’t bad, just incapable of giving me what I need. And I’m a needy bastard. Anyway, she concluded with “I need to move on”. I told her I hoped we could remain friends and she responded “I’m not sure”.

I’m more convinced than ever I made the right call. Marissa’s reaction to the breakup confirmed for me that I’m not a priority for her, nor am I worth fighting for. She just gave up. Like most of the other women in my life. I realize now that being with Marissa would constitute “settling” and I’m not willing to do that. The right one is out there. We’ll find each other. Soon I hope.

Back to being alone for now. Probably going to need a new bar home, at least on the night’s Marissa is working. I expect we’d both be uncomfortable in that situation.

The last couple of nights I’ve hung out at Cheap Charlies. This was the view I had with beer yesterday.

There are no darts, no dancers, and no extracurricular activities at Cheap Charlies. As the name implies, the sole attraction of this bar is somewhat lower priced drinks. And the view sitting at an outdoor bar. Saving a few pesos on my already cheap (compared to Korea) beer isn’t a big draw and I have a better view from home. Okay, they do have juicy girls to keep you company while you ply them with overpriced drinks. Yeah, the girls need to make a living and that one beats prostituting yourself I suppose. Anyway, the last couple of nights I’ve shared drinking time with Maya. She’s cute, seems sweet, and is 30 years old with a 10 year old son. I got around to asking his name last night and she told me Ahmad. I blurted out “That’s not a Filipino name. What are you, Muslim?”. She responded “yes”.

Well shut my mouth. While it is no secret that I have issues with the Muslim faith and the teachings of the pedophile Mohammad, the Muslims I have met in person have all been fine people. Never dated one though (something I was toying with in my mind re: Maya). Anyway, I gave myself a bigotry check and think I passed. Maya has outwardly not demonstrated any disqualifying characteristics. So far. We’ll see if I decide to pursue a Muslim bargirl!

In the meantime I will just keep on keeping on. I’ve been alone so long now that it almost feels natural. And you never know what’s going to happen next. Until it does.

Stay tuned!

What do I owe to you
Who loved me deep and long?
You never gave my spirit wings
Or gave my heart a song.

But oh, to her I loved
Who loved me not at all,
I owe the little open gate
That led thru heaven’s wall.

–Sara Teasdale

A matter of perspective

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Oh, another love has come and gone
Oh, and the years keep rushing on
I remember what you told me before you went out on your own:
“Sometimes to keep it together, we got to leave it alone.”
So you can get on with your search, baby, and I can get on with mine
And maybe someday we will find , that it wasn’t really wasted time

Just over two months into my new life here in the Philippines. Been engaged in some introspection about where I am and how I got here. The result of this self-assessment is probably nothing new or particularly interesting (ha! big surprise!), but here goes anyway.

I’ve been asked “are you happy there?”. Well. This is me we are talking about after all. So no, I wouldn’t describe myself as happy. But I can say that I’m happier with this life than I was with the life I left behind in Korea. Those hellish last three years there anyway. I’m adapting to my new environment pretty well I’d say and on balance my life is easy and comfortable here. Maybe that’s enough.

As long time readers may recall, I had originally planned to move here in September 2010. And then I took a detour and chose a life with Jee Yeun over the Philippines. I guess in retrospect you could call that a mistake. But I’m beginning to see it differently. It was a good life for the most part. Living six months in Korea and six months in the USA gave us the best of both worlds. We had a sweet little house in South Carolina, spent time with the kids and grands, and then we’d jet off to enjoy some time back in vibrant Seoul. Things weren’t perfect of course, in real life they rarely are. Looking back on it, my biggest complaint was probably that it could get boring at times. Then again, when you are not working it seems inevitable that some of those hours will be filled with boredom. That old Chinese curse “may you be destined to live in interesting times” just came to mind. So I guess the flip side of that would be that boredom is a blessing. Eh, there are worse things than being bored occasionally.

Everything changed in 2015 when Jee Yeun announced that she didn’t have a happy life with me and wanted a divorce. I still do not understand why she walked away from everything we had built together. And I will probably never completely recover from the emotional devastation her betrayal of our vows brought about. She told me before I left Korea that she regrets her decision. Too little too late and we will both have to live with the consequences of her actions for the remainder of our lives. For better or worse and all that jazz.

So, one of the benefits of living in the Philippines is I do not have to contend with daily reminders of that life. Except when I do.

The God of Love has a whacked sense of humor. This boat is parked at Treasure Island, smack dab in my line of sight from the bar. You can run, but you can’t hide from the past I suppose.

Here’s the big revelation or epiphany or whatever you want to call the fruits of my feeble thinking. I used to look at those years with Jee Yeun as wasted time; a big mistake that cost me several precious years of whatever time is left to me. An unfortunate and unnecessary delay in taking the path that led me to my current destiny. I don’t see it that way now. There were lessons to be learned from that life and hopefully I’ve learned them now. And while I wish I hadn’t lost what I had, I’ve let go of the bitterness (most of it anyway) and perhaps I’ve positioned myself to be ready for the next big thing, whatever it is and whenever it comes along.

It turns out that the Philippines truly was my second choice. I plan to make the best of it.

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared ‘neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you’d ever say goodbye

And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance

Rescued!

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Buddy has been found. Well, captured is a more apt description of the event.

I got a call from Mike, the guy who got me Buddy, that a trike driver said he had found Buddy. I thought that meant he had him in his possession, but that was not the case. As I feared, Buddy had resisted being brought in and ran off into a nearby swamp. Apparently he swam about 100 yards out before getting tangled up and stuck in some tall grass. When I arrived on scene they were just pointing out at the water saying he “was there”. Well, yeah but what good does that do me?

Then a brave soul waded out into the trash filled morass to try and bring him back in. Despite his dire circumstances, Buddy barked and snarled menacingly at his would be rescuer. So then another guy improvised a harness by running some rope through a PVC pipe with a noose on the end. Somehow the wader managed to loop that around Buddy’s neck and dragged him ashore. It was both sad and impressive.

The swamp where Buddy was trapped.

Buddy swam part of the way back to shore….

Once he was on solid but trashy ground he collapsed. I tried to comfort him the best I could…

….but he was having none of it. He went absolutely wild, jumping and biting the rope to try and escape…

I was startled and stumbled backwards, cartwheeling down this trash hillside several times before landing at the fetid waters edge. I was fucking lucky I didn’t hit any of shards of glass in that heap. My pockets emptied during the tumble, but I only lost one vape pen, so…

Buddy was like a wild animal, never seen a “domesticated” pet act like that. We put him in a muzzle and a small cage and transported him to the vet. They got him calmed down but said I need to wait a week or so before getting his shots and de-worming. I’ve got some meds to give him in the meantime.

But he’s back home now and giving me a look that says “you still suck, but this is better than living on the street!”

…”and the food is marginally better too”

So, the original owner asked if they could have Buddy back in exchange for a puppy. Their son apparently really misses the dog. I briefly considered it, only because I wondered if Buddy would be happier there. But then I said no, he’s staying with me. I’ll give him a much better life in the long run. I’m thinking I’ll still go for a puppy though. I think Buddy might be more comfortable with some canine company around the house…

Anyway, this turned out to be a great day!

Another broken heart

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Fuck me.

Buddy is gone. While I was out playing darts yesterday afternoon a construction worker left the front door ajar and the dog ran away. I was incensed that my helper didn’t have the sense to put Buddy in his enclosure. I was tempted to fire her ass for incompetence, but I could tell she was upset by what she terms “an accident”.

The front gate guards say they saw him running out of the subdivision and turning into an adjacent squatters village. I know Buddy can’t find his way home (here or his former residence) so he’s got to be just wandering the streets alone and hungry. I’m going to get some flyers done up offering a reward and post them in the surrounding area. If I can enlist the support of the street urchins perhaps he will be found. I’m just sick to my stomach over this.

On the flip side of the coin, I felt compelled to keep my date with Marissa despite my loss. I drank extra to dull the pain. She seemed to enjoy herself and the dance contest. She was also quite cuddly which I took as a good sign that she has some affection for me at least.

When the SOB was over we moved to another bar for an event known as the “Aftermath”. This features a series of raffle drawings (you get a ticket for each drink purchase) and culminates in a “find the Joker” progressive jackpot. Each week a lucky raffle participant gets to turn over a card. If the Joker is picked, he wins the pot, if not, money is added for the following week’s drawing. Last night the pot was 31,000 pesos ($620) and there were 8 cards remaining. Well, I had been disappointed all night that not one of my numerous raffle tickets had been drawn. And no, I wasn’t drawn for the “find the Joker” either. But Marissa was!

She was in the CR (as restrooms are called here) when her ticket was drawn so I picked the card. And yes, I picked that fucking Joker! Pandemonium broke out in the bar, and not in a particularly good way. Immediately there were calls “to ring the bell”, which provides all the working girls a lady drink for 2800 pesos. It’s a suckers bet that I never do, except last night I was drunk and overwhelmed so I relented. But the calls for sharing the wealth didn’t stop there. The girl who had pulled Marissa’s number thought she was worthy of a tip, and the waitress was also looking expectantly for a piece of the windfall. I had a huge roll of cash in pocket and was feeling uncomfortable with all the attention. When the damn doormen asked me to buy them dinner, I told Marissa I was leaving. She suggested we go to Alley Cats (the dart bar where she works and I play) for a final drink. And so we did.

It turns out they only pay half the jackpot in cash, and the rest in vouchers redeemable at the bars hosting the SOB/Aftermath events.

Good for a year, but I reckon I can use it up in half that time. Although I really don’t like drinking in the girly bars so much.

Anyway, I gave Marissa the cash. She didn’t want to take it, saying I had paid her entry into the event. I responded “it’s your name on the winning ticket” and she eventually relented. That’s a big chunk of change for her and really nothing to me. How big for her? She had told me earlier in the evening that she had a good day at work the night before scoring eight lady drinks. I asked how much she made per drink and she said 60 pesos (the customer pays 150). So, a good night for her at work is making just under ten dollars. Wow. Her date with me wound up paying off big time.

With the money burning a hole in her pocket she proceeded to buy all her coworkers drinks. Hey, her money to spend any way she chooses, right? I was beyond drunk at this point and feeling depressed over my dog, so I bailed despite Marissa’s entreaty to stay for “one more”. I guess I might have had it mind that she’d come home with me last night. She might have if I had asked her to, but I was just not in the mood. Another time perhaps.

I miss my Buddy.

UPDATE: BOLO

My new best friend

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His name was “Antonio” or “Tony”. But since the caretaker downstairs is named Tony I don’t want him coming every time I call the dog.

Henceforth, my new friend will be called Buddy. Yeah, not so original but it works for me.

This is the first time I’ve done a dog “rescue”. I guess some shyness is to be expected when an animal is torn away from the only environment he’s ever known and thrust into totally unfamiliar circumstances. But I think it goes beyond that with this one. I suspect he has been both abused and neglected. It’s going to take some time to win his trust I think.

He does have a healthy appetite at least. I’m going to fatten him up in no time…

I also bought him a cozy house for those occasions when I need to yard him…

“Where the fuck am I?”

“Nothing smells familiar”

“How in the hell do I get out of here?”

I had hoped to get a photo of Buddy and me together, but he ain’t having none of that cozying up shit. At least not yet. I’m not going to rush him. He’ll grow more comfortable in time I’m sure.

Anyway, welcome home my friend!

First date

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As mentioned yesterday, I experienced my first date since moving to the Philippines six weeks ago. It went well enough I suppose. Not sure where, if anywhere, it will lead. We parted a little ambiguously, but we both confirmed our interest in getting to know one another better.

More details for those who may be interested: Her name is Marisa. 33 years old, never married, no kids. She stands all of 5 feet tall and weighs a whopping 82 pounds fully dressed*. Yeah, she’s tiny. In fact, her nickname is “mouse”. She appears to have a good sense of humor (i.e. she laughs at my jokes). Like me, she has had a run of bad luck in her relationships. My sense is that we are both being very cautious at this point. Perhaps too much so, but we both agreed there are worse things than being alone.

How did we meet? Well, she “works” at Alley Cats, the dart bar where I spend an inordinate amount of my time. I was surprised to learn that she doesn’t have a salary, she just makes drink commissions. I guess that technically makes here a juicy girl, although I’ve only seen her drink beer (a quality I like in a woman). She never pushes drinks, though. In fact, I had to call her over Saturday night to have a drink with me. Although I had noticed her in the bar, it was the first time we had ever chatted. Her schedule is as she put it “TTS” (Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday). I honestly don’t know how she makes enough to support herself, but apparently she is more popular than I realized. She showed me pictures of her small apartment where she lives alone with her dog. Hails from Manila (Quezon City) originally and returns home to visit once a month or so.

I met her for lunch on the corner near her apartment. We had agreed on 11:30, and when I arrived at 11:20 she was already waiting. I was impressed by her punctuality. She told me she didn’t want to do the “Filipino time” thing on our first date. I suggested Mango’s Beach Resort for lunch and asked if she wanted to to take a trike or walk (it’s several blocks away) and she responded “let’s walk”. I was impressed again.

We ate a simple lunch at a waterfront table and engaged in some light conversation. I asked if she liked to travel and she said yes, then told me the story of an ex who was a pilot for FEDEX. He promised to meet up with her in the places he typically flew (Hong Kong and Singapore) so she got her passport which went unused and is now expired. I asked her if she had a dream for her life. She hesitated and said “Of course. I want a simple life with one man who loves me”. I told her that should not be so hard to achieve. She shrugged and said “I know I have to be patient”. She concurred with my sentiment that finding the right one was important.

As we finished lunch I asked her if she had any plans for the afternoon. She had none and lacking the courage to invite her to spend the day making mad passionate love, I asked if she wanted to join me at the Alley Cats dart tournament and she agreed. I jokingly asked if her drinks would cost me extra and she said no, only customer price when I’m not working. Good deal!

My darts have been shit lately, so I didn’t last long in the tourney. We chatted some and she helped out with serving customers when needed. In between we snuggled a bit on my barstool, which felt nice (it’s been awhile since I’ve touched a female body). By late afternoon I’d had enough to drink and wanted to change my venue. I invited her to walk over to Treasure Island on Baloy Beach with me (yeah, I wanted to show her off) but she declined. I then asked her is she’d like to try the Hash with me on Monday and she responded she needed to do her laundry. And so I left her there and the date ended with no set plan for a second one.

I will ask her out again though and see what happens.

Are we a cute couple or what?

*Marisa came home with me after lunch when I went to pick up my darts. I gave her a tour of the house and she stepped onto my scale in the bedroom. That’s how I know she weighs 82 pounds fully dressed. I also asked her to sit on the bed. Now I can truthfully report that I had Marisa in my bed yesterday. Fully dressed. Alas.

The power behind the throne

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Has it stopped raining yet? Nein!

Interesting development regarding my house situation. Yesterday I got a call from the landlord Pablo’s mother. She said she was at the house and wanted to meet with me. So, I took a trike over to find out what was on her mind.

We started out with some interesting small talk. She’s obviously very intelligent and apparently extremely well-connected. She mentioned being part of the “Manila 400” for example. She also said her daughter is a member of the Philippines House of Representatives. Mrs. Ocampo told me she was raised in China (and speaks Chinese), formerly had a business in the USA before returning to the PI, and she is in fact the owner and developer of Alta Vista. Her name is own my lease agreement, not Pablo’s, so I know this to be true.

Anyway, if was a fascinating conversation. And then she was ready to get down to business. She asked what was the agreement I had reached with Pablo. I explained that it was what is in the lease agreement, with the exception that I would initially be paying the rent 6 months in advance rather than annually. She nodded and then dropped the bombshell. She wanted to keep the house I was planning to move into and asked if I would consider taking the house next door instead. I was pretty much gobsmacked and couldn’t quite grasp the reason for the switch, something about feng shui and her plans to have her daughter run for national office next year. I responded that I had already made arrangements and purchases for this house. She said I know we have an agreement, but would you at least look at the other house. So I did.

It’s a nice enough house, similar in size but with a different type floor plan, sort of on three levels. The view is equally as good as the first house, and this one is fully furnished. Still, there is the pain in the ass factor to consider. I’d already bought the aircon units for the first house and also have two beds, a stove and refrigerator due to be delivered tomorrow. Mrs. Ocampo assured me she would make all the arrangements for a smooth transition and I could tell she really, really wanted me to make the switch.

Damn. Well, I decided she’d make a better friend than an enemy (and I actually did like her quite a bit, much easier to communicate with than Pablo). So I somewhat reluctantly agreed to take the second house. She was very happy with that decision and told me the best part of this deal is she now considers me “family” and I could let her know if there is anything I ever need. So I guess that’s a good thing. Jesus, I hope so!

I’ll try and get up there for some photos of the new place today. If this fucking rain ever stops.

The dating game

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Well, obviously that’s a game I’m NOT playing. Yet. But since my arrival I’ve been an active observer. Here are my initial impressions.

One thing that really stands out from the outset is that almost all the expats are coupled up. Now, I’m sure a certain percentage of these women are one night rentals, but at least where I hang out (mostly the regular type bars and the weekly Hash) I see normal boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Well, normal if you discount the age disparity in the couples.

It’s still astounding to see these fat old fuckers with sweet young Filipinas. Makes me wonder what’s wrong with me? Yeah, I know. I’m plenty old and not the most gwapo (handsome) man around. But until moving here I never understood why a guy would want a partner thirty or forty years his junior. Other than what I presume is hot sex, but that’s for sale all over town anyway. Here’s the thing, it’s actually the women who are pursuing these relationships with older guys. It’s a common saying from Filipinas that “age is just a number”. And to them they see older guys as more emotionally stable, financially secure, and less likely to cheat on them. So there’s that.

I have one friend who is 66 with a 21 year old girlfriend who is pretty enough to be a model. As he tells it, she was a poor girl from the province and her life with him is like being on a permanent vacation…buys her whatever she needs, eat out everyday, living in a long term hotel apartment. It’s heaven for her. From what I’ve seen of them together she appears genuinely happy and devoted to him.

I have another friend of similar age who has a 23 year old “mistress” (that’s the term they both use, seeing as how he is married). He’s basically a “sugar daddy”, pays her college tuition, pays the rent, gives her an allowance, etc. and in return she takes care of his physical needs and provides companionship. Seems like a win-win to me.

Other guys I’ve met are doing the traditional family thing–having babies and all–notwithstanding the huge age difference. I can’t be a father again thankfully, nor would I want to be at this late stage of my life, but again, from all outward appearances these couples are perfectly happy in their chosen situation.

So. What about me? Obviously, I’m hoping to get in the game. I really crave a relationship. But what kind? I guess being boots on the ground now, I’m more accepting of the age difference thing. It’s the norm here so my previous standard of “would I look ridiculous with her” is out the window. Still don’t want to compromise on finding someone with a brain who can be a good and trusted companion. So far the women I’ve met here with those qualities haven’t been receptive to my tentative overtures (heh, that having a brain thing is a two edged sword!). The other night the waitresses at Treasure Island were teasing me, suggesting that Ruru (one of the younger workers there) introduce me to her mother. She laughed and said she’d have to call me “sir Daddy instead of sir John”. It was kind of cute, I admit.

I’m not exactly desperate (yet). I’ve not partaken in any of the take-out bargirl options for example. Oh, I buy a few ladydrinks and hand out some candy, but paying for sex just goes against the grain for me. I was only tempted once but nature intervened (the gal said she had her “mens”). Not sure if that was true or just a polite rejection, but I was glad for it the next morning.

In the meantime, I’ve been half-heartedly visiting the Filipina Cupid dating website. It’s been mildly interesting. Had a nice chat with a 35 year old named Marymay. She lives in Subic, the next town over. She likes the outdoors and exercise so we had that much in common at least. I asked her if she’d like to get together for lunch or dinner and she responded “We can spend time together John. Ill think about it..😉” That’s the last I heard from her.

Then there was Anne, 30 years old from Manila, who sent me this: “Hi John I have taken the time and read your profile. I have a question for. Have you given up or do you want me to chase you around the block for you to stop at take another look at me. Keep in mind I don’t run as fast as I use too. I promise i will make a strong effort in catching you. So what would you like for me to do. Begin the chase or walk away….I look forward to your answer.”

Finally, a gal who wants to chase me! I responded:“Well, I don’t know if your message is original or not, but I do admit I like it! 🙂 So, to answer your question–by all means, begin the chase! I’m probably not all that hard to catch if you are honest and sincere. Anyway, you’ve captured my interest. Let’s see what happens next.” We exchanged a few more messages back and forth that night, but I haven’t heard from her since either. I guess she’s not that good at chasing after all.

My most interesting exchange was with Mary who lives in a far off province, but had a profile that seemed to suggest she was smarter than the average bear. So I initiated contact with this: “How goes the search? After reading your profile I thought “she’s someone I’d like to get to know better”. Anyway, I’m living in Olongapo now.” I was astounded by her response:

“I remember your photo,,,your separated I prefer divorce men your caucasian Can’t you get divorce,unless you marry a filipina here in my country,,,,,been to Olongapo before why you choose to live in a sordid area??? So many girly bars there,,,I want an honest answer I assumed you’ve F— bargirls there which moat foriegner does,,,you can’t avoid it especially to a lonely man and your no saint,,,I’m sorry for being upfront and don’t get me wrong I am asking this questions cos I know exactly those places and foriegners that lives there and thier lifestyle…. “

Wow. Judge much, Mary? Here’s how I responded:

“Thank you for your bluntness and honesty. It is refreshing to see here on Filipino Cupid. Not all of Olongapo is sordid. You choose to see what you want to see. The subdivision I’ll be living in is very upscale with amazing views of the bay and mountains. Yes, there are girly bars in town for those who are interested in prostitutes. There are also regular bars where expats hang out and socialize. I play in two dart leagues and with tournaments, that fills 5 nights a week for me. I’m also a member of a running/hiking club (the Hash House Harriers) and we have a weekly event that I enjoy very much.

But to answer your question directly, I’ve been here almost one month now. Yes, I am a very lonely. No, I have not fucked any bargirls. It is just not my thing. It is true that I am not a saint, but I try not to judge others for the choices they make. I think you are wrong to assume that all foreigners living here are the same or that they share the same lifestyle. I live life on my terms and I have nothing to be ashamed about.

Again, I appreciate you sharing your viewpoints so openly. I wish you well in your search and hope you find the kind of man you will be happy sharing your life w with. Good luck to you!”

And so it goes. At this point I’m not sure how I’ll proceed. The being a sugar daddy thing is a little tempting, but I suspect it would not end well. I’m actually leaning towards just hiring someone to take care of me and the house and leave it at that for now. And no, I won’t be screwing the help. Still licking the wounds my last employee inflicted. I actually may interview a gal I’ve been chatting with on Facebook for quite sometime. She’s a certified caregiver and really wants a job. She actually gets on my nerves quite a bit, so she ought to be perfect. No temptation to make her my girlfriend!

Stay tuned dear readers. The adventure is only beginning!

Down to the wire

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Yesterday’s Hash was a fun time. In fact, it had me in stitches. Let’s go the photos:

Out of the truck at the trail head and ready to rumble, well, ramble anyway…

Climbing these steps proved to be rather, um, tire-ing…

It’s On-On the trail…

How the other half lives. My blessings are counted for this beautiful life I’m living.

As pretty as this path may be, it was leading me to peril… (that’s what we call foreshadowing)

A view from the top…

And the view at the bottom…

“Tractor? I don’t need no stinking tractor!” Old school farming via carabao…

Anyway, along the path I got tangled up in some rusty old razor wire. Why it was there on the ground I have no clue, and just how it wound up wrapped around my calf I can’t say. I do know that it ripped me a good one, that’s for sure.

Assessing the damage when we arrived “On-Home” at Treasure Island…

Speaking of Treasure Island, it’s the resort I stayed in when I first arrived. It’s also very convenient to my current apartment. The staff is friendly (and cute) so it is no surprise I’m a regular there. That paid off because without even asking, one of the waitresses offered me some first aid. Mark, the security guy, came over and thoroughly cleaned the wound with soap and water, then disinfected with hydrogen peroxide.

Then he did a nice job wrapping it all up neat and tidy. I offered to buy him dinner for his efforts but he declined. Later on though I slipped him a 500 peso note (around ten bucks) which he seemed to appreciate.

Got up this morning and did my regular beach walk then popped into Treasure Island (of course) for some breakfast. Afterwards I made my way over to the local hospital.

Our Lady of Lourdes International Medical Center, right here in Barrio Barretto. I’ve asked several folks for the assessment of the care here and they have all said exactly the same thing “it’s where people go to die.” Well, I just wanted someone to take a look at my wound, so I ventured into the emergency room.

And a friendly female doctor and her cute nurse assistant had me all stitched up in no time. They also gave me a tetanus booster shot. Total cost–4,650 pesos. That’s about $95. if you are keeping score.

Also got some prescriptions meds (antibiotics and something else I’m not sure of what it does, anti-inflammatory maybe).

On the walk back I home I popped into the money exchange shop to pick up my Remitly money transfer ($2000.). “Sorry sir, no funds available now. Try back after lunch.”

Then it was over to Western Union to pick up another wire transfer, also for two grand. “Sorry sir, no dollars available. I can pay you in pesos”. Fine. It’s going to be a problem apparently wiring large sums of money over here. I’ve got enough together to pay the advance rent/deposit on my house, but I’m not sure how I’m going to pull together the $10,000 I need to deposit to secure my retirement visa. Ah well, I’ll figure it out.

Speaking of the house, the landlord stood me up yesterday. Was supposed to meet today before lunch. Now I hear he is “on the way” with an ETA of around 2:00. Which precludes my planned playing in a dart tourney this afternoon. And it still does not appear ANY of the promised repairs have been completed. What a pain in the ass this has been.

(taking a deep breath, relaxing, and accepting the Filipino way).

Ah yes, that’s better.

Take the time to close your
Eyes and look around
Cause anyone who helped you out
Can let you down
And look out, look out, look out
The voice is now the choir
Can you feel it getting
Down to the wire?

Undefeated

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Sad news to learn that one of my Columbia buddies lost his battle with prostate cancer yesterday. 52 years old. Scott “Gunny” Taubl was a Marine tanker and even in retirement continued his service to our nation. Especially in his dedication to veteran’s causes. I first met Gunny when I moved home to South Carolina in 2011. He was an enthusiastic supporter of my efforts to establish a dart organization in Columbia and continued working to build the darting community long after my departure. Just one of those rare and outstanding individuals you encounter on the road of life who has his shit together and makes the world a little bit better place by his presence.

A good man is hard to find. Thank you for your service, may you rest in peace.

One of the things that comes with growing older is seeing people you know start passing away. What’s been especially disconcerting for me is that the last three friends I’ve lost have all been younger than me. Nothing like a slap-in-the-face wake up call from mortality. A good reminder to live the best you can, while you can. And also to take care of the vessel containing our life force.

Another night of darts last night and my undefeated streak (4 now) remains intact. As does my streak of failure with the ladies.

That’s Anabel. She’s a real cutie. I’d like to give her a whirl. She’s made it clear through her actions (and lack of reactions to my overtures) that she’s not interested. A shame that.

Desperate times call for desperate measures:

Maybe this will work?

I was kinda sorta hoping Anabel would join me for some after darts dessert at Treasure Island, but she bailed before the tournament was over. So, I stumbled over alone when I was finished. I was surprised to see one of my waitress favorites all snuggled up with a man at the bar. A fat old fuck (and if I’m saying that, you know he was old and fat). Now, don’t get me wrong. I was not jealous at all. The fact is, I always considered Jessa to be out of my league. Too young and pretty for a slightly less fat and old guy than the one she was with. I was disappointed to see her settling for less than she deserves, but then again, what do I know about her and her situation? I guess it also underscored that I remain alone in a country where the young gals apparently go for fat old fucks.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Ton-80

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Today was a good day.

Played darts at Alley Cats. Threw my first 180 in the Philippines.

For those who don’t know, a ton-80 looks like this (three triple 20s) and is the highest possible score in the ’01 game

In recognition of this rare event for pub league players, the bar gave me a coupon for a free drink. Just what I needed, more beer. Right?

More importantly, me and my partner managed to go through the winner’s bracket undefeated and take 1st place money for our efforts.

Ain’t she sweet? I mean, isn’t she a good looking dart player….er, we played well with each other. Ah, fuck…never mind!

Now, I ain’t saying that throwing a ton-80 and winning a tourney is enough to make you a celebrity in this town, but…

Just sayin’….

Anyway, it was a great afternoon of competitive darts with a good group who placed a premium on keeping it fun. It was!

Here’s a funny story that illustrates just what a small town Barrio Barretto truly is.

That’s my friend John and his girlfriend Mango. We got together for awhile on Friday evening at the SOB dance contest.

During the course of the conversation, Mango mentioned she had a friend I should meet. Apparently, this gal is somewhere around 26 years old and works at a local gift shop. I knew the gift shop because I had stopped in there back in January to by some sunglasses for Gem. Anyway, to counter my protestations that she was a bit young for me (which in retrospect was probably rude, Mango is 21, John is 66), Mango noted that this gal usually dates men younger than her and is continually disappointed. In part because they don’t have a pot to piss in. Mango said her friend had mentioned wanting to find an older guy who could support her financially like John does her (basically a small allowance). Mango also told me that her friend was half Filipina, half American, but that she looks American.

Well, I was non-committal. I mean, I’m thinking the best way to meet a “good” someone would be through an introduction by mutual friends. But, I didn’t really retire to the Philippines to hook up with an American looking woman less than half my age. Anyway, the conversation moved on and that was that. Or so I thought.

As I mentioned above, I played darts today from 2 p.m. until nearly 6. And it should come as no surprise that I consumed a fair amount of beer during the course of the afternoon. With darts finished, I noted that my fitbit indicated I was still well shy of my 20,000 step goal. So I took a long and roundabout route back home. And wouldn’t you know, I came upon the gift shop where this young woman works. Did I mention I was a little drunk? Anyway, I figured what the hell? Why not just go in and have a look see. And so I did.

The first words out of her mouth were “what are you doing here?”. You see, the young woman in question turned out to be MJ, my dart partner that afternoon. And then it all started making sense. I mean, even though MJ speaks fluent Tagalog, she doesn’t look like a Filipina (although truthfully, she looks pretty damn fine!). I just didn’t make the connection between her and the woman Mango described.

So, I told her that I was friends with John and Mango and they thought I should meet you. I guess we both found that pretty funny. And then I remembered something else. When I bought the sunglasses back in January, she was the person who sold them to me. Why do I remember that mundane detail? Because later that night she came into the bar where I was drinking. It was one of those “U” shaped bars and she was sitting across from me. We made eye contact and she said, you look familiar. How do I know you? I had to think about it myself, but then remembered I had seen her that afternoon in the store.

Anyway, it was another reminder of the joys of small town living. Or something.

Be it ever so humble…

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…there’s no place like home.

Out of the hotel and into my first ever apartment here in the Philippines. I guess that kinda makes me an official resident, right? Anyway, I consider this to be temporary quarters until I can find something I really want to call home. I’ve grown accustomed to living in a “palace” with too much space to now being cramped into a one bedroom unit. It’s bigger than similar apartments I looked at though. The place verifies my thinking that I brought too much shit with me. There is certainly not enough closet/shelf/drawer space to accommodate my clothing.

Anyway, here’s some pictures of the place:

My apartment complex. I believe the landlord told me there are two upstairs and three downstairs apartments. The upstairs units have 2 bedrooms and one will be available later this month. I’ll check it out and see if it is worth repacking all my stuff to gain some extra space.

The entrance to my place. That would be what is known as a dirty kitchen area for outdoor cooking. I may decide to set up a grill out there.

The “clean” kitchen. Give me time, I just moved in. I’ll dirty that fucker up!

A small refrigerator and what will serve as a pantry I suppose. There is zero cabinets in this kitchen as you might have noticed.

The dining area which has been re-purposed as my office. Got to give the landlord props, when I asked about wifi she said the router is upstairs but she would install one on the ground level as well. The network is “Eriksson 5G” but I doubt it is really that fast…still no complaints so far!

The living room…

The living room with my personal touches added….

The bathroom…someone asked why you need a water heater when it is always hot as hell outside. So? I like a hot shower anyway. Sue me!

The one and only bedroom.

The one and only bedroom has the one and only air con unit in the apartment. It keeps the room chilled enough, but it is insufficient to cool the rest of the place. Ah well, I’m paying for the electricity so I guess I’ll just consider myself frugal.

So, all that for a mere $440. per month. If I take the two bedroom later the rent will be $500. That’s pretty high I think, but living in the Baloy Beach area tends to cost a little more. Plus I’m sure I’m paying the “foreigner tax”.

Yesterday I played in a sweet little darts tourney here. I’m still sucking but I had moments of brilliance, so there’s hope.

Finished second and was happy with that. Those gals were some amazing darters. I was very impressed with their level of play. I need to step up my game if I’m going to be competitive here!

Alright, time for my morning beach walk. I might just get used to living like this.

A good day

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Up bright and early and ready for breakfast. Treasure Island did not disappoint!

A shitload of french toast, a big ass sausage, and two damn fine fried eggs. All for 350 pesos (less than $7.) Life is good!

Now, obviously I can’t eat like that everyday or I will be a fat old fucker once again. I’m resolved to make that kind of eating a once a week experience!

I did a one hour beach hike as penance for my over indulgence. As I neared my hotel on the return walk I spotted a woman in the distance walking towards me. She had the body type that I like and as she got closer I was pleased that she was in my preferred age range (mid thirties and up). As we passed I smiled and said good morning and she smiled back! I kept on walking, and ten paces later I turned around to look again. And so did she! Damn, getting the second look from a woman almost never happened to me in Korea.

I hesitated for just a second, then continued on. It is just not time yet for me. Too much to do right now and I need to stay focused on the task at hand. What are the odds that she would have be “the one” for me? I figure if it is meant to be, we’ll pass on the street again someday. IF that happens, I will offer her my phone number.

I can do that, because I now have a new sim card in my phone and a Philippines phone number.

Yep, I took the Jeepney into town, then hoofed it over to the mall and signed up with Globe for phone and internet.

Bought this pocket wifi as well. Internet here can be spotty. A couple places I went last night had non-functioning wifi. Today, my hotel internet has not worked. In fact, I’m blogging now courtesy of Globe and my pocket wifi.

Is that a wifi in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Yes!

And the day kept on getting better and better. Came back to the hotel for lunch, then headed out to see if the house I saw in the Santa Monica subdivision was still available. It wasn’t and damn, it was a hot motherfucker today. So hot it actually hurt. So on the way back home I popped into a hole in the wall bar called appropriately enough “Up the Alley”. I was surprised to see a dart tourney in progress, and very impressed to note that almost all the participants were female. Most of them quite attractive. I pinched myself and it wasn’t a dream!

I nursed a couple of beers and fantasized watched the action. One of the guys sitting next to at the bar (whom I hadn’t noticed for some reason) asked me if I was a dart player. I gave him an affirmative nod and he gave me the lowdown on the dart scene here. Basically, I can play on five different nights of the week if I am so inclined.

We got to talking about other things and I mentioned my so far fruitless efforts to find a suitable place to call home. He gave me some options on short term places, and suggested I talk to the manager at Treasure Island for other possibilities. I said that’s where I’m staying and I’m sure I’ve seen the guy. And then the other guy was going through his coupons won at the Friday night SOB dance contest raffle. He gave me one for a free night at Treasure Island. An extra day to look for an apartment. Sweet!

They (Tom and Jerry) invited me to join them at another nearby watering hole, Dynamite Dick’s. The owner immediately treated us to a round of beers. I liked the guy already, but when I saw his non-PC bar decor, I was even more impressed:

I’ll be back to grab me some…beers!

And lo and behold, the aforementioned manager of Treasure Island was sitting at the bar. Even though we had never talked, we immediately recognized each other. I was introduced and we got to chatting. Told him my dream was to find a house in Alta Vista but was having no luck finding anything for rent there. He said, there’s going to be a place for rent soon. It seems the owner of Treasure Island is building a house up there which will be completed in 6-8 weeks. His current house is also in Alta Vista. So, once he moves to the new place, he’ll be looking to rent his old one. I told him I’d definitely be interested in that, so he’s going to hook us up. Then I mentioned my coupon for a free night at his hotel, and he immediately called and secured me a room.

Is this a great town or what? I’m pretty damn sure I’m going to like my life here.

The first day of the rest of my (new) life

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What a difference a day makes!

The final goodbye to my work family was as difficult as I expected it would be. Lots of tears, including some of my own…

The king has left his palace for the last time…

I hired a local Filipina I know to drive me to Incheon for W150,000. I decided to pay a premium for the convenience of door-to-door service She brought her boyfriend along which turned out to be a good thing. She kept texting while driving in heavy traffic and after ignoring his entreaties to stop doing it, he took the phone away from her. I breathed a sigh of relief!

When the check-in counter for Philippines Air opened an hour after my arrival I was second in line for the business class check-in. When my turn came I hefted my two heavy suitcases up on the belt and then waited for what I hoped would be good news. After a bit she looked up at me and said simply “you are overweight”. I smiled and said, yeah I know, but I’m working hard on that with diet and exercise. She didn’t get my meaning at first, but then she pointed at the scale which read “64 kgs” and said I’m only allowed 30 kgs. She then helpfully suggested that if I wanted to pay and additional W334,000 she would check the bag. And so I did. I wasn’t surprised I was over the limit, just surprised by how much.

Anyway, I got to kill time in an airport lounge with a decent enough free buffet (another business class perk) while I waited to board my flight. Which in due course I did.

The only way to fly! The seat fully reclined, no one sitting next to me, and I enjoyed re-watching the musical “Chicago” for the first time in years. A short nap afterwards and then we were wheels down in Manila.

And once again the business class perks paid off as I was near the front of line at immigration and my luggage was amongst the first on the carousel. I was a little nervous that my many and bulging bags would garner unwanted attention from the customs folks (2 laptops, 15 new vape pens, and a dozen large bottles of juice) but they didn’t blink an eye as I sailed on through. Woot!

My driver was waiting in the appointed location and I was impressed as he skillfully maneuvered his way through the surprisingly heavy late night Manila traffic. It a long drive regardless and it was 3:00 a.m. when we finally arrived at the Treasure Island Resort where I will stay until Monday.

My room is a disappointment. I booked through Agoda and specifically requested (and paid for) an ocean view room. Well, the ocean ain’t far outside my door, but the room does not feature any windows. I guess if I sit out on my patio I can see water, but still… Oddly enough, the last time I stayed at Treasure Island I was given the same room, which is why I never came back. And just to prove that the God of Love has a wicked sense of humor, this is the room I shared with Loraine last year. So I slept in the bed we once shared, but honestly, it didn’t bother me. Much.

Maybe I was unfazed because before going to bed I took my sleeping meds in the form of ice cold San Mig Lights. It seemed like a good way to kick off retired life.

Up around 8:00 this morning, had an omelette and took a quick hike on the beach.

It felt damn good too.

A nice day to be retired.

While I was out and about I took a look at available short term apartments here in the Baloy beach area. The one I had looked at and liked during my January trip will not be available until next month. I found another one I kinda liked but when I asked about internet, the owner said “it’s better outside than inside”. Nope. So, I guess I’m going to settle for a little one bedroom place up the road a piece. It will run about $500 a month. Way too much really, but it is not a place I’m willing to stay long term, so there’s a premium on month-to-month. Or maybe I’m just paying the foreigner tax. Ah well, not going to sweat the small stuff.

Long term I still want a nice house. Walked through Alta Vista subdivision again but alas, I saw nothing for rent.

one of these…

…which feature this view would suit me just fine. I’ll be patient. Tomorrow I’ll check out another nearby subdivision and see what I can see…

Had lunch here at Treasure Island and flirted with the cute waitress Jessa. But it was all teasing, she is way too young and also has a four year old. Not going there!

I still need to go to the mall on the old Navy base and get a sim card for my phone. Was on my way to do that this afternoon and the sky started rumbling, so I said fuck it and came back to write this blog. Aren’t you glad I did?

And ain’t retired life grand?

My friend Eva sent me this poem and said when she saw it she thought it must be similar to what I’ve been feeling. Yeah, pretty much.

This is the beginning…
This is where it all will start,
on the wings of some new spirit with the beat of some new heart.

Every morning brings a promise,
Every day has gifts to give,
But today…right now…this minute….
is when I begin to live.
And the air that I am breathing is the breeze of what could be,
as I stand here looking out on all the things that could be Me.
And the road that goes before me, leading somewhere out of sight,
is a brand new opportunity for me to get it right.
This is the beginning. This is
Once Upon a Time….
There are dragons to be vanquished! There are castle walls to climb!
But this story isn’t written yet.
I’m only at page one.
The adventure that’s awaiting me has only just begun.
There are mysteries and treasures.
There are daring deeds to do!
And if I speak the secret word, then all my wishes will come true.
That magic word has powers that can make the heavens spin.
But it really is not secret that the password is……”Begin!”
Oh the possibilities is this beginning I have made!
I am ready!…. but reluctant.
I am excited!…. but afraid.

Afraid that starting something new leaves something old behind.
Afraid that what I seek is something I may never find.
Or, if I find it, that it won’t be what I want at all.
That what I’ve left behind is what I needed after all.

Beginning can be bittersweet, and hard to comprehend.
It can mean that some sweet, precious part of life is at an end.
And the heart can feel so hollow when it has to say good-bye
that the thought of starting over is too hard to even try.

But when I reach the end, when all my days are nearly through,
I will not want to look back on all the things I didn’t do.
Nor regret the joys and passions of the me that might have been,
if only I had found the simple courage to begin.
So…….This is the beginning….
My Beginning……..My Rebirth.
I awaken to the wonder of what I am really worth.
It is a springtime for the spirit, and it’s giving me a choice.
So I choose to use this season as a reason to rejoice!

I lift my voice in sweet thanksgiving, singing loud….and not alone.
A host of harmonies accompanies my song of the unknown.
Loving friends and willing strangers, with their voices joining in,
create a chorus of encouragement that begs me to begin.

And the end?…..
It’s out there, somewhere, farther than the heart can see.
And the power that will take me there is here, inside of me.
Though there is no way I can know how many trials I’ll endure,
nor the joys that I may find,
there is one thing I know for sure…..

This is the Beginning…….
–Warren Hanson

It’s time.

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And here we are at last. My final day as a resident of Korea. My final day of employment. And hopefully my final day of looking back in sorrow and regret.

A few things left to do before I move on to my new future. Waiting for the landlord to come and satisfy himself that I’m leaving the house in the same condition I found it one year ago. Spent some big bucks having it cleaned last night so I reckon it is going to be fine. Then I’ll go into the office for a few hours to close some things out and say my final goodbyes to my work family. That’s going to be heartbreaking I know, but it’s a step in the process of moving on.

Speaking of goodbyes, I made the rounds last night saying farewell to my bar friends, and is my wont, handing out candy to my favorites. They don’t call me “the candyman” for nothing!

Georgia from Horse and Cow. She says she’s returning to the PI herself next month.

Mama, the owner of Horse and Cow.

Anna from Arirang Bar. She’s special to me. In fact, I really hope to meet a gal with her wit and humor someday.

Rein from Hot Top.

JJ and Seon Nyeo of Crystal’s Bar. I actually said my goodbyes there on Wednesday night.

I dropped into the IDK bar last night as well. The owner even gave me a gift, so I guess everything is forgiven from our past misunderstandings.

That’s a good question, one I’ve frequently asked myself of late…

I Don’t Know the answer, but I’m pretty sure it will involve the PI.

The owner of Hot Top saw my IDK shirt and wanted me to change into his. So of course I obliged.

The final stop of the night was at “The Block”, the new bar in town owned by the woman who ran the now demolished Shooters.

My friends Daniel and Dela joined me for most of my final Anjeong-ri bar hop. We had a great time. I was of course very drunk by the time midnight rolled around. They insisted on walking home with me, which was unnecessary but really sweet.

Speaking of friends, Eva messaged me with some encouraging words from a writer she likes last night.

I never really had a plan for life, I just reacted to it. Whenever I reached a crossroads, I chose a direction and followed the road without a clue as to where it might take me. I guess it is natural to wonder about the paths that would have led to a different life, but you only get to live the life you chose. No mulligans. But I have been extremely fortunate and blessed. The roads I have taken have led to some great adventures and life-altering experiences. A fool’s luck perhaps, but even though I could never have imagined what my life would turn out to be, it has been a very nice ride. So it is time to look forward again. And it will be an adventure with an uncertain outcome for sure.

I was drunk when she sent it, but it did sound vaguely familiar. And then Eva revealed that she had been reading the old posts on my blog. The one quoted above was from January 1, 2005 as I contemplated my upcoming move to Korea. Wow. Everything has seemingly changed for me, and yet oddly, it remains the same. I want to have the confidence and positive outlook that the 2005 version of me carried into Korea. Thanks for reminding me of that, Eva.

And so ends my final post from Korea. It seems appropriate to end it with a song. I always imagined that this particular song would be perfect to be played at my funeral. It also seems appropriate to mark the end of my life in Korea and you can read this article where I mentioned about the affordability of the best funeral services in town.

Time
Flowing like a river
Time
Beckoning me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river
To the sea

Goodbye my love
Maybe for forever
Goodbye my love
The tide waits for me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea
To the sea

Till it’s gone forever
Gone forever
Gone forevermore

Goodbye my friend
Maybe for forever
Goodbye my friend
The stars wait for me
Who knows where we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea
To the sea

The end of days

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And so here it is, my last night in Korea. Lots of emotions churning inside me, but after all these years and memories perhaps that’s to be expected.

Walking home from work today I remembered something from 35 years ago. I was still living in Arizona, but I had sent my daughter and son to stay with my mom in Oklahoma while I recovered from my first divorce and a subsequent heartbreak. I had gone out there for a visit and when the time came for me to leave, my seven year old daughter said to me “Daddy, I know all about goodbye. It is spelled S-A-D”. And she was right. All these accumulated goodbyes are starting to take their toll. I know I will be fine once I’m wheels up and on my way, but damn, this is harder than I expected. The reality is that in all likelihood most of the people I know and care about here I will never see again. Well, they all have a standing invite to come visit me in paradise, but life intrudes, people move on, and soon enough I’ll be forgotten.

So, I’ve completed a circle of sorts.

One year ago I was arriving in Pyeongtaek. And now it is time to get the hell out of here.

In other news, I am now carless, as opposed to careless. The sell went smoothly and I now have an extra $500. in my wallet. It’s a good old car and I hope she serves the new owner well.

Afterwards, I treated my staff for a final lunch with the boss. We dined at Ariang, the first restaurant where we ate together after the move from Yongsan. Another circle closed.

Here’s half the crew…

….and here’s the rest of them…

I explained to the team that there is no such thing as a free lunch. The price they were paying today was hearing me hold court one last time. But it was a special occasion…

Because today I had the honor of presenting my Deputy, Donna Cole, with a Superior Civilian Service Award. In my 38 years with Uncle Sam Donna has been one of the most impressive individuals I have ever worked with. She knows her stuff and knows what to do with it. A great leader, a great person, a hard worker and fun to be around. She sure as hell made me look good and that is no small achievement!.

Speaking of my career, tomorrow is the last day of it. When I retired the first time back at the end of 2010 I wrote a long post recounting my career called “The end of the road”. If you are suffering insomnia, I can highly recommend it! Of course, it turned out it wasn’t the end of the road after all. I’m glad I took the detour though, because these past 3 years have been the best of my working life.

My daughter was going through a box of my stuff I left behind and sent me some reminders of just how long that road has been.

My daughter was laughing and said “you were always on us about our grades!” And I gave her the dad response of “do as I say, not as I do”. I clearly had some issues back in high school. Pot being one of them. I wasn’t any stupider then, just lazier. Still surprised I failed in PE, but Coach Davis was a hard ass and didn’t like my long hair. And the “C” in creative writing? Mr. Boyles was just not appreciative of my style of writing. I distinctly recall him telling me a sonnet I wrote (and actually worked hard on) was “extremely corny”. Well, everyone is a critic I suppose. I wonder what he would say about my blog? Eh, probably best not to know in my current fragile state…

For the record, I did in fact graduate from high school. Although I did have to take a couple of night courses at the local community college to make up for some of those “F’s”. Ah well, look at me today!

The daughter also sent me this old pay stub:

$2.00 dollars an hour working graveyard shift at the local convenience store. That was a big boost from the $1.35 the car wash was paying. Although after getting robbed one night I decided that my life was worth more than what they were paying….

Anyway, it all turned out well. I’ve had a great career and now it is time to see if I can’t find some success in other aspects of my life. Starting tomorrow!

They love me. They really love me!

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A good day at work.

Today was the last day I’ll put on a tie before going to work.

It was also the day of my “re-retirement” luncheon. The staff prepared team t-shirts for the occasion.

The Deputy G1, LTC Cooper was on hand to give some very kind remarks about my work with 8th Army.

And I was awarded the Superior Civilian Service Award…

Pinning on the medal…

Presenting the Certificate…

And then for one of the last times, the guests got paid to listen to me hold court. I was very thankful and appreciative for the recognition.

Then the staff presented me some going away gifts. I was very touched at their thoughtfulness…

I love this photo collage full of memories of the times we spent together.

….and they all left a little personal message for me as well.

What do you get a guy who doesn’t have much of a life outside of walking and drinking? Why, Hash gear of course!

My first personal patch! This was really special, although mentioning of my Hash name in an open restaurant with a mixed crowd was a tad uncomfortable. I prefaced my reading of the name with a mention of the Beatles song, so hopefully that worked…

A new Hash shirt that will definitely be put to use soon in Subic…

With a nice Hash House motto on the back!

A second shirt, with my name and my favorite beverage…On On!

Yet another personalized shirt, a nice Tagalog language book, and a shopping bag which according to the giver accurately depicts my Hash name….

It’s the people in your life that make a difference. And it is the people you will miss when you have moved far away. Hell, I miss them already and I’m not even gone!

A moving experience

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Winding it down and winding it up. Completed my final drunken weekend in Anjeong-ri, featuring competing in my last IDK dart tourney. Took a fourth, which was disappointing. Understandable though since I haven’t found the motivation to get off my lazy ass and practice. But I’m resolved to re-dedicate myself to the sport after the move. I’ll have some hours to fill once I arrive and that should be a productive use of some of that time.

I’ve been thinking about the big move as the day rapidly approaches. I’ve obviously made many moves in my life, starting with moving out of my parent’s house when I was a lad of 17. But I’ve never made a move quite like this one. When I left California, where I was born and raised, for Arizona, I took along my wife and children and transferred with my letter carrier job. A few years later I was both divorced and heartbroken when I moved alone to Oklahoma. In some ways, that move most resembles this one. I sold everything I owned that didn’t fit in my car and started over. But, I was also going to be rejoining with my kids and mother and I still had a job, so in that way it differs.

I eventually remarried and took a big promotion in South Carolina. Later on, a new job and a new wife in Virginia. The big change in my life was moving to Korea in January 2005. Big culture shock both in learning about an Asian country and adapting to my new employer, the U.S. Army. I wound up loving both! So much so that I didn’t want to return to the USA, which eventually cost me yet another wife.

And then the day came (December 31, 2010) when I first decided to retire. I had been planning to live in the Philippines, but Jee Yeun changed my mind about that. Instead we made a plan to live 6 months in the states and 6 months in Korea. That worked for me. Until it didn’t work for her anymore. Not going to open that old wound now, suffice to say I came back to Korea and came back to work. Having completed the circle it is once again time to retire and this time I’ll follow through on the plan to live in the PI, for better or worse.

Is it a little scary? To be honest, yes. At least in the sense that I’m going to be exploring uncharted territory on my own. My many previous moves have not been anything like the one I’m preparing to make now. The biggest differences are that I will be alone and unemployed. A job gives you a built-in social network and a sense of purpose and belonging. I know I’ll make friends (already have one in Manila) and I’ll get settled into my routines. In time I’m sure it will feel like home. It’s just a bit disconcerting dealing with all the unknowns. Well, that’s what makes it an adventure I suppose.

Let the adventure begin! In a mere 5 days.

Letting go

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The farewell tour continues apace.

Roused my blog buddy Kevin Kim for an early (for him) morning hike up Namsan. He did a much better job describing the day’s events than I ever could here. Please go give it a read. I certainly felt honored being featured on his blog!

Anyway, it was a beautiful day on the mountain and it was nice to have some company along to share another “last” in my Korean life. I won’t deny feeling a little melancholy, but there is always some sadness associated with endings I suppose.

Kevin says that the climb kicked his ass, but I’m not buying it. After all, this is the man who walked from Seoul to Busan at this time last year.

I guess Namsan came to be like an old friend to me. We spent a lot of time together during my last two years in Seoul. I’m a lesser man now thanks to this mountain!

After our climb and a walk around Itaewon and the local environs, Kevin insisted on treating me to a meal at our favorite Brazilian steak house–Tabom Brazil. As usual it was outstanding and we gorged ourselves on several varieties of meat, and seconds of course to make sure we maximized our bang for the buck, or Won as it were.

In a rather odd coincidence, Facebook reminded me that is was exactly four years ago that I met Kevin in person (although we had “met” online through our blogs and communicated with each other almost from the beginning of my time in Korea. I had blogged about that 3-D meeting in a post called “The nicest guy I’ve never met”. And during that first meeting we had dined together at, you guessed it, Tabom Brazil. It felt nice to come full-circle like that.

Kevin is heat averse, so he made clear he won’t be visiting the Philippines in this lifetime. We said our goodbyes, knowing our online relationship will continue as long as we do. Farewell and thanks again my friend!

After lunch I hurried back to the hotel, showered and changed, then headed out to Shenanigans to participate in my last ever Seoul International Dart League tournament. I didn’t play particularly well, but I got to see lots of old familiar faces and had a great time. Drank way too much of course, but that’s the nature of the game. At least for me.

It was good to see my oldest friend in Itaewon once again. Cheers Jim Dewey!

I was also honored with this sweet and delicious cake. Thanks Eve and Mike!

At the conclusion of the tournament the SIDL League President presented me with this memento in recognition of my many years of participation and service to the league. I was very surprised and moved. Thanks everyone!

Did I mention I got very drunk?

Thank goodness I found photographic evidence that I did in fact have dinner last night after the tourney. Not that I remember it…

Got up early-ish this morning to spend some time with another old friend–the Han River.

Did a 3 hour goodbye walk along her banks. It’s been swell, Han!

I took a break from my river walk to enjoy breakfast at the Original Pancake House in Itaewon. I was joined by my old friend and longtime housekeeper, Josie. Good luck to you always!

And that’s about it so far. Tonight is my last night in Seoul and I’m going to meet up with a few more folks this evening I reckon. And that will be that.

I’m letting go of the past as best I can, but I carry over 13 years of memories of my life in Korea with me. There’s a sadness associated with many of them because they relate to a life here I no longer have. My challenge is to not carry that sadness forward into my forthcoming new life in the Philippines. Yeah, I’m going to be me wherever I am, but I can choose to be the happy me. I’ve actually had a couple of people comment on the fact that I appear so much happier these days. I guess happiness is relative, but I do have much improved attitude and I am remaining very optimistic about the future. Whatever it may bring. In 12 days.

Oh oh letting go
There’s nothing in the way now,
Oh letting go, there’s room enough to fly
And even though, he’s spent his whole life waiting,
It’s never easy letting go.

Hardly working

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Winding down the days in this iteration of my career in government service. I’ve given almost 38 years of my life to Uncle Sam and I’m trying mightily to stay engaged and productive until the end. Truth is though that all that is really left to do is tie up some loose ends and clear the decks for my successor.

I’m on a committee with the American Embassy that reviews Special Immigration Visa applications from foreign nationals with long term and/or extraordinary service to the U.S. government. I met with them (well, I dialed in from Humphreys) for the final time this past week. It’s a responsibility I take to heart and I want to be sure that deserving individuals are given full and fair consideration for their requests to become permanent residents of the nation they have faithfully served. We voted to approve ten of the eleven applications. I had to advocate strongly for one person who had one blemish on an otherwise stellar career with USFK. In the end the panel voted 3-2 to accept his application and I felt really good about that. A small thing for me that potentially has a big impact on someone’s future.

This coming Friday I will meet with the Korean Employees Union leadership for the final time. I’ve enjoyed this aspect of my job very much and I take a great deal of pride in the outstanding labor-management climate we have maintained within USFK. We rely on our Korean workforce to ensure readiness for our “fight tonight” mission, so keeping our civilians focused and motivated is critical. I doubt we will have much of substance to discuss this go round but I’m going to treat the KEU President and Secretary General to some American-style barbeque, probably at Manimals in Itaewon. Looking forward to that.

Speaking of my successor, we have had eleven candidates referred for consideration. I’m sure I’ll be asked to weigh-in on the relative merits of each and I will of course be happy to do so. I’ve loved my work here and I want to make sure my DHRM family is well taken care of after I’m gone.

As I’ve been cleaning out my files in preparation for my departure I came across an historic email from just over two years ago. Regular readers may recall that some cowardly person chose to complain about my blog to command leadership rather than engage me directly through the comments. I really despise chickenshit assholes who cannot abide anyone with a contrary opinion. Here is what the melting snowflake had to say in his/her complaint:

“I am an applicant and was looking for information about USFK. During my search, I found this website: www.mccrarey.com. It is VERY concerning! The posts are written by someone clearly from high in the command who is absolutely not inclusive. A few of the specific posts that are concerning are: 2/13/16—comparing Bernie Sanders to Hitler. Yes, I know there is free speech, but he identifies as a federal employee. 1/9/16—clearly identifies who he works for. 12/15/15—mocking Muslims, refers to Mohamed as pedophile. 10/23/15—Korean Employees Appeal Board and how it is messed up. 10/14/15—celebrating completing combatting trafficking on hooker hill…which is a real place. I truly hope this is not the image you want to be associated with your command.”

So, the complaint was referred to the Staff Judge Advocate (the lawyers) for review. This email was sent to my big boss in response:

“I reviewed the blog and could not find any violation of law or regulation. He writes about his personal political opinions, often in a churlish manner, but this is not prohibited. He is also not prohibited from identifying his employer or his position as long as he makes clear this his opinions are not those of the US government. I recommend that you notify the employee that there was a complaint about his blog and simply remind him of the applicable rules.”

My boss responded to me as follows:

“John, FYI…it’s good to know that writing about political opinions in a churlish manner is not prohibited. Maybe you should add a customer service link to your blog site so they can directly address concerns to the source. Still trying to figure out what “customer service” was officially provided by USFK through a personal blog that warrants an ICE complaint?”

Heh. Well the upshot of all this was I had to visit with the EEO office where I was encouraged to be more “sensitive”. My supervisor asked me to try and refrain from blogging about work. And a few months later I got promoted to the job I currently hold. I sincerely hope the punk ass loser who complained about me reads this so I can offer a hearty and sincere “fuck you!”

Oh, and any opinions expressed here at LTG are my own, dispensed on my own time, and do not represent the views of the United States government. At least for the next 17 days.