A nice Halloween, certainly nothing like I’ve experienced in quite a few years. Spent it with son Kevin, his wife Lauren, and my sweet granddaughter Gracyn. Daughters Renee and Avery rounded it out making for a great family gathering.
Kevin and Lauren’s new house is really amazing. Great job guys!
Granddaughter Sydney is sweeter than a Tootsie Roll!
Let the trick or treating begin!
One house was giving out super sized candy bars…
I was impressed with how much many in the neighborhood were really into the holiday.
Free candy if you dare!
Nice costumes…
“I ain’t afraid of no ghost!”
Sydney shared her bounty with me. “I don’t like Goodbar anyway papa”
I wasn’t in costume but I was pleased my mailman uniform still fit after 40+ years.
And Avery had a good time enjoying adult beverages with her partner Rebecca…
Did I mention that Sydney is sweet, smart, and brutally honest?
It was a good time for sure. A little bittersweet because I was visited by Jee Yuen’s ghost. Again. Ah well.
Still not sleeping right, but what are you going to do? I’ve been staying up later and later thinking I might actually sleep through the night. Nope, 3:00 a.m. rolls around and my brain says “wake up so you can listen to me think about shit you can’t change anyway!”. I threw in the towel tonight and went to bed at 7:30 p.m. because I had a long day and I was tired and drunk. Woke up at 10:30 p.m. and here I am. Maybe I’ll stay up and go to bed at 3:00 just to see what my brain thinks about that.
So, besides not sleeping what have I been up to? Well, I’ve done some shopping and I’m steadily filling that empty suitcase I brought with me.
More stuff on the way from Amazon. Still some things to pick up at the brick and mortar stores as well. Maybe should have brought a bigger suitcase!
In shopping related news, I purchased some new Levi’s jeans. And I bought them with a 34″ waist. And they fit! Three years ago I was wearing 42″‘s. Now, I haven’t been getting my steps in thus far this trip and my dietary discipline has been non-existent. If I’m gonna continue to wear my new jeans comfortably I’m going to have to get up off my lazy ass and get back on the program. Motivation!
Dinner with daughter Renee and grandson Alex last night.
Then I had my daughter drop me off at a nearby redneck dive bar to get drunk relax and watch the game. I seemed to fit right in, don’t you think?
As I mentioned above, I’m up every morning at o’dark thirty and it being Sunday morning everyone in the house was sleeping in. So I went out in search of some breakfast and found it here:
Hard to go wrong with Cracker Barrel!
Not exactly low-carb but delicious. I was also impressed with the friendly and attentive service. I guess I must have looked lonely sitting there eating all alone.
Once the daughter woke up we headed out to the grocery store to purchase the ingredients to make a batch of my Aunt Pat’s World Famous Recipe Fruit Salad. What was the occasion? We were attending a Barn Party this afternoon! What’s a Barn Party you may be asking? Well I didn’t know either. But it seems to be a staple of the horse show crowd, and granddaughter Gracyn runs with that crowd.
The barn…
A show horse…
Exercise ring…
Pumpkins the kids would be carving up later…
Some of the fellow Barn Party goers…
…and some uninvited intruders flew in…
That’s Gracyn’s trainer with her dog who can jump like he has springs for legs.
“let me outta here!” Alright, you asked for it….
The horses got dressed up for Halloween. This one didn’t look too happy in his Mickey Mouse garb.
Anyway, it was a nice afternoon with the granddaughter…
After the party, we met up with the son and his family for some dinner.
And no, sweet Sydney was not on the menu! This little girl really makes me laugh…
My pulled pork plate was most excellent!
After dinner a young man approached me and said “how’s it going John?”. I was taken aback because I really didn’t recognize him. He told me “I remember you for the Kwagga [the now defunct local dart bar] days”. Then I remembered and said nice to see you again Shaun. And it was.
Okay, that brings y’all up to date and me to just a little past one in the morning. Can I make it until 3? The adventure continues!
I knew coming in that this trip back after three years was going to be a tough one emotionally. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the memories. I am reminded of mom and dad frequently. There were letters and notes from both of them in my time machine box. Their passing was of course inevitable and somehow that makes it easier to bear.
Walking around the area this morning I saw so many places where I had spent time with Jee Yeun. Grocery shopping in Publix without her was surreal. The restaurants where we ate together. Even the jewelry store where she bought my wedding band. So much for promises. So much for forever. After almost three years I’m still not over it. Perhaps I never will be.
I don’t mean to come off as a wuss. I’m dealing with it as best as I know how. But during the jet lag fueled sleepless hours my mind can’t seem to stop itself from “going there”. I know that life is gone forever, but it still makes me sad.
It was great seeing my son Kevin, his wife Lauren, and my sweet granddaughter Sydney again.
Sydney is six now and she’s really quite amazing. Loves to tell jokes and laughs at mine. Smart as hell too, great vocabulary and knows stuff that lots of grownups don’t, i.e. state capitals. Anyway, I’m not going to be one of those bragging grandfathers (much), but she was really fun to be around. Looking forward to more time with the other grands too.
Kind of a tough night sleep-wise. No problems staying awake through the evening hours so I thought I had the jet thing whipped. Woke up at 2:30 in the morning and couldn’t get back to sleep until 6:00. Woke up at 9:00 and it was raining which precluded me taking my planned walk. Fooled around on the internet, then went back to bed and slept until the early afternoon. Geez.
Wasn’t a total waste of a day though because I discovered this:
A time machine.
Yeah, I know it looks like an Ernest & Julio Gallo wine box. But when I looked inside I was transported back to the early 1970s. The contents included:
My high school sweetheart Karen’s senior portrait…
A photo of me, Karen, and my 1963 Ford pickup truck.
A copy of my high school newspaper where I served as a columnist and executive editor.
One of several short stories I wrote (yeah, my dream back then was to be a writer). And some gawd awful poetry I authored as well.
No idea what might be on these old cassette tapes, And no idea how I’ll ever find out. That technology just doesn’t exist here in the 21st century I’m afraid.
Anyway, there was also a journal in the box. What really shocked me about my thinking from those long ago days is that it is so similar to how I often feel these days. I guess I haven’t learned much. Or maybe the more things change, the more they remain the same. Or something. Take this entry from October 1974 for example:
Well, it happened again, three times in three weeks. Pretty fucking good! I’m bitter, I know it. But I’m tired of it all. Ya know, I’m alive and I feel pain too. Goddamn, haven’t I paid the price yet!
It doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’ve had it. Women are my downfall and I can make it alone. There are more important things for me to do.
Well, that was 44 years ago. I have no recollection of what I was on about, but damn, it does sound familiar. Scary to think I still haven’t figured things out. And yet, here I am, still plugging away. I do recall that I was thinking about suicide quite often back then. And doing lots of drugs, mostly pot but sometimes LSD and PCP. So, I guess I have made progress in my life at least.
Anyway the time machine experience has given me a lot to think about. No answers of course, but at least some perspective.
And I’ll leave you with a dose of some of the bad poetry I mentioned above. No date on this one, but it’s titled “New Year’s Eve”. My guess is it lamenting another lost love, probably Gail Weed.
You never even took the time
To see what you were using
And you were shocked when you found out
It was you who did the losing
You never believed in the difference
Between what she felt and your dreams
Her feelings never mattered
You were busy with other things
And you really can’t help looking back
Was it all just another game?
You pretend it doesn’t matter
But you’ve never felt quite the same
Because this time there was something more
But you didn’t realize it
And when you finally understood
You had already lost it
And when it is finally all over
Will you look at your life and be sad?
Will you remember the the people and places
And the love you could have had?
I’ll be happy if I can just avoid more fuck ups. I’d love to have love in my life again, but not if it ultimately results in more bad poetry.
Made it to Columbia relatively unscathed. But it took every minute of the day. And then some. All told, I spent about 30 hours going door-to-door.
Flew out of Clark on Asiana to Seoul, and then went with Korean Air for the Incheon-Atlanta leg of the trip. My bag was checked all the way to Charlotte but I was required to go to the “transfer desk” at Incheon for my Korean Air boarding pass. This was really the only hiccup in my journey. Korean Air is now in the new Terminal 2 and my Asiana flight arrived at Terminal 1. You are supposed to have a boarding pass you scan at the turnstile to access the train to terminal 2. Which I needed to go to terminal 2 to get. Anyway, I eventually made it through by showing my itinerary to the security guy, rode the train, and got my ticketing squared away. Still with plenty of time to spare and enjoy the amenities of the Korean Air lounge.
My plane to Atlanta was a big old 747 and my business class seat was in the upper deck of the plane.
That’s me in my cozy little cubicle…
…enjoying all the comforts of home, including a fully reclining seat.
Yeah, I paid a pretty penny for the business class accommodations, at least twice as much as I would have paid for coach. But honestly, for a 13 hour flight the comfortable seating made it almost bearable. I did the math and it was around $100 dollars per hour to avoid the cattle pen of coach class. Was it worth it? Maybe not, but for a once a year trip back home I can afford it. The only value money has is the comfort it can buy you, right?
Besides the physical comforts, the personalized service from the flight attendants is something I could get used to. Right after being seated, I was greeted by name and the pretty Ms. Lee introduced herself. She guided me through the menu options for the three meals I’d be served in route (and all were quite tasty). Ms. Lee then told me to call her if there was anything she could do to make the flight more enjoyable. Luckily I had the good sense to not say what I was thinking would make the flight pleasurable! Once during the flight I got hungry for a snack, so pulled some nuts I’d packed out of my suitcase. Wasn’t long before Ms. Lee came to my seat with a plate of cookies and other snacks. Ain’t she sweet?
Regardless of the creature comforts, 13 hours is a hell of a long time to be confined. And of course, I had to go without my vape addiction as well. I figure I might have slept around four hours all told. I was consciously trying to adjust my sleep patterns to fit my new time zone. I wound up killing most of the remaining hours in flight by watching four movies. Ready Player One, about a futuristic virtual reality world seemed interesting enough to give it a go. I mean, it was a Steven Spielberg production, how could it not be good? It wasn’t.
Next up was A Quiet Place, which was at least slightly more entertaining than my first selection, but I still found it irritating for various reasons. I mean, who knew there would still be electricity in a post-apocalyptic world? And since the monsters were attracted to sound, the characters used sign language to communicate. I’m like, “why am I wearing these damn uncomfortable headphones then?”. Yeah, I know, I was just being a grouchy old man again. Get off my lawn!
I decided to hell with the “new releases” category and went with the sure thing “classics” option. First up was the Woody Allen masterpiece Annie Hall. It’s been decades since I last viewed this film so it was good to see again. And since it focused on relationships it had a special resonance for me at this particular moment in my life. Coming back to Columbia after nearly three years is especially bittersweet. Good to see the kids and grands again, but I have so many memories of my old life here with Jee Yeun to deal with as well. It is also the one year anniversary of the fuck over I received from Loraine. I really liked the final insight presented at the movie’s conclusion:
After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I… I realized what a terrific person she was, and… and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I… I, I thought of that old joke, y’know, the, this… this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy; he thinks he’s a chicken.” And, uh, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y’know, they’re totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and… but, uh, I guess we keep goin’ through it because, uh, most of us… need the eggs.
Yeah, I’m missing the eggs in my life.
I finished up the trip with a re-watch of Forrest Gump. Hard to go wrong there, right?
“My Mama always said you’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on.” – Forrest
Anyway, after a three hour layover in Atlanta I slept during the entire short flight to Charlotte, literally waking up when the plane parked at the gate. Collected my baggage and headed out to find my rental car. I guess driving is like riding a bike. It’s been awhile since I was behind the wheel, but I managed the 90 minute ride to Columbia without incident. Well, I was damned sleepy during the drive which I’m told is as dangerous as drunk driving, but I made it.
I was resolved to stay awake until at least 9:00 p.m. local time in an effort to avoid the jet lag bugaboo. Sat outside and had some beers with daughters Renee and Avery, which only exacerbated my zombie-like mental functioning. But damn, I made it to 9:00 and had a good nights sleep! Here’s hoping I’ll be back to normal (or at least as normal as I get) for the remainder of the trip.
It’s funny, I heard the weather report on the radio during the drive from Charlotte and the announcer said we were having “chamber of commerce” weather, with a high of 70 degrees. Maybe so, but after almost six months in the Philippines, that felt chilly to me. Luckily I had the good sense to pack a light jacket for the trip and put it to good use last night.
When we came back from dinner, Avery lit me a fire.
It was 45 degrees this morning! And another difference is that I’m used to sunrise around 6:00 a.m., it didn’t dawn here until after 7:30. Since it was too dark and cold to walk early as is my custom, I got in my rental car and went out for breakfast.
I don’t know about you, but after 3 years I couldn’t resist the call of a waffle and hash browns!
I guess now is a good time to venture out and get my steps in. Going to dual purpose the walk by doing some window shopping for some things I want to bring back to the Philippines with me.
I brought an empty suitcase along just for that purpose!
That would be December 7, 1941. On the other hand, my date with Cherry went fine thank you very much.
Cherry arrived 15 minutes late to the restaurant due to Filipino time traffic. No big deal. We had Korean grilled meat (pork belly and galbi) and a pleasant conversation. Her English is good and she has enough wit to catch my witticisms. I like that! At the conclusion of our meal she got a text from a girlfriend who lives in Barretto and wanted Cherry to come visit. I told her my driver was picking me up and could drop her wherever she needed to go. So we were off.
Once we were situated in the back seat she gave me a kiss. Wow! That girl can smooch! I invited her and her friend for lunch on Sunday and she said yes. Once we arrived in Barretto we said our goodnights and I had the driver drop me at Cheap Charlies so I could quaff some brews and get drunk reflect on the evening.
Come lunch time the next day they wanted to eat at the Palm Tree hotel. So of course, that’s what we did.
I had the pork chops. They were fine.
Here’s Cherry in her natural look (unretouched photograph).
After lunch I brought her home and we had some passionate lovemaking. It was wonderful. Later I made brownies for our dessert and sent some home with for her kids. And Cherry promised to join me today for the Hash. I am really looking forward to that.
**************
And as usual with me, everything changes. Just like that.
Just finished a chat on skype with Cherry. Here’s the bottom line:
I think It’s better for me not to go with the walk this afternoonI know there is something between the girl living in your house and you.I don’t wanna ruin whatever you two have at this moment.I don’t wanna hurt an innocent filipina like me.I think she’s a nice woman for you.You are lucky to have her.Love and keep her.I don’t wanna feel like an option too because I am looking for a non-commitment guy.I thought you are serious with me.But when you told me that there is a girl living in ur house I felt and realized I failed.Thank you for the good times.
I was beyond shocked. More hurt than I ought to be. And of course, tremendously disappointed.
And again, for the record, I have NOTHING to do with my helper. She works and I pay her. That is the full extent of our relationship.
Man oh man, I sure can pick them, can’t I? I guess it was a date to live in infamy after all.
A timely reminder to myself. I’m on my own. I need to accept that and deal with it.
I guess it’s natural to fall into habits and routines that fill the hours, however comfortably and well. Thinking back on my year in Pyeongtaek I was pretty much always in my WWD (working, walking, drinking) mode. And now I’m retired so you can see where that leaves me. I think the thing about working is that it changes things up day-to-day. New issues and problems to be resolved, meaningful interactions and intellectual stimulation. I’ve actually dreamed about work a few times recently so maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something.
Which is not to say my current routines make me feel unsatisfied and unfulfilled, I think it’s just the same-same of everyday living that tends to create a feeling of boredom that I need to shake free from. Or maybe I just accept the new normal and try to achieve a sense of satisfaction with my life. It’s not so bad and I’m really not unhappy. I’m just comfortably numb.
I’m managing between 15,000 and 20,000 (sometimes more) steps everyday. It may be an overstatement to call walking “my hobby”, it’s just what I do. My motivation is primarily weight control (still under 200 pounds!) and staying healthy enough to eek out a few extra years amongst the living (BP is in the mid 120s and resting HR has been mid 60s, so it seems to be working). Other than the Hash though I don’t have much new to see during my 2+ hours daily road trips. I vary between my Baloy Beach, Barretto, and Subic town walks, but they tend to get old. Some days I’ll try a new side road but honestly I get a little uncomfortable walking through some potentially dicey neighborhoods. I guess it’s just my perception but I do stand out as the only white guy in these areas and encountering unemployed and seemingly desperate young men milling about makes me feel like a potential target sometimes. Nothing has ever happened to support those feelings of course. Yet anyway. Better to be bored than robbed perhaps.
I’m a thousand miles from nowhere and there’s no place I gotta be…
My nighttime activities find me hanging out in one bar or another, sometimes playing darts and others just buying lady drinks interacting with the bargirls. Oh, and like Justice Kavanaugh, I do like me some beer. I confine myself to the low calorie, low alcohol local brew however.
My best friend!
It’s always a little surprising to be reminded of just what a small town Barretto really is. I’m known by name even in places I rarely frequent. It can be a bit disconcerting to walk past the bars and have the doorgirls shout out “come in, Sir John”, especially when I can’t recall having ever been there before. On the other hand, it’s nice to see familiar faces and be greeted by acquaintances on the street or waitresses in the restaurants. I’ve been here less than five months but it already feels like home. And that’s a good thing.
They know me a Mango’s where I enjoyed this fish and chips dinner last night.
While I’ve quit playing in the Wednesday and Friday dart leagues, I still play in tournaments a couple of times a week. I like the freedom this provides me to do other things should I choose to without letting down the team. I’ve been playing pretty well, but I really need to put my home dart board to use by putting in some meaningful practice time. And time is something I have plenty of these days!
A first place finish is always nice!
Sometimes after walking and before drinking I’ll prepare some eats on the grill or in the crockpot. Fills some time and my stomach!
Pulled pork with cornbread is one of my mainstays…
And sometimes I’ll even do some dessert!
Like I say, I’m living an easy and comfortable life here. Nothing to complain about (other than boring ass blog posts like this one!). I’m leaving for the USA on the morning of the 24th (at 0200 to be precise). Will return two weeks later. So at a minimum I’ll have some new material to blog about. I’m formulating a plan to henceforth incorporate at least one out-of-town getaway per month. Sometimes in country, sometimes out. I think that will go a long way to providing a greater sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in my life. Who knows, maybe I’ll even find a girlfriend along the way! Hey, it could happen.
And I still have my sense of humor, such as it is…
Life is good.
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re saying
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
I have become comfortably numb.
Yesterday I helped my friend Jessa celebrate her 30th birthday. Two other gal friends from Treasure Island joined in the fun. All in all a very nice evening.
Jessa had to work until 3:00 so I had a beer and bought her and her co-worker Kat a Jager bomb to jump start the party.
I had my driver Donny come by to transport us to Harbor Point Mall on the old Navy base where the festivities would take place. Once the gals were off duty I had to sit around and wait for them to change clothes. Luckily I’m a very patient man. *ahem*
But they were worth waiting for, don’t you think?
Left to right that would be me, Kat, RuRu, and the lovely Jessa.
So anyway, I told Jessa it was her birthday so the evening’s activities were all up to her. She chose seeing a movie then having dinner. We bought our tickets and had an hour to kill so we walked around the mall some. I took Jessa into the Samsung phone store and told her to pick one. I thought it spoke well of her character that she selected the A-6, a mid-range phone that also happened to be on sale. She was happy and excited to have a nice phone so I reckon that was money ($225.) well-spent. Kat said “I want it to be my birthday too!” which made me laugh.
Kat and Jessa acting like a couple of posers…
So this is the movie that Jessa selected….
Worst movie I have ever seen! I’m not exaggerating when I say that. Several people got up and walked out during the film which was my inclination as well. But of course I had to defer to the desires of the birthday girl. We sat through it all and afterwards Jessa said “that’s the worst movie I’ve ever seen”. That cracked me. Here’s a trailer if you are so inclined, I can’t stomach being reminded.
I’m not a reviewer so I’ll just say there was nothing at all I liked about it, other than the company I was with. It was filmed as if it were being recorded on a handheld video camera so it was jerky and uneven (reminded me a little of the Blair Witch Project in that regard). I also thought the characters were shallow caricatures of tired stereotypes and the actors were not convincing as supposed high school students. The story itself was lame and overwrought to the point of ridiculousness. Oh well, I’m glad I saw it in the Philippines. Four tickets were less than twenty bucks. Although I reminded of the old saw “I went to a $1.99 all you can eat buffet, but I could only eat a dollar’s worth.”
Anyway, we had a good laugh about it afterwards. And oh yeah, in the “it’s a small world” department, I’m standing in the lobby pre-movie and I see a familiar face walking by so I called out “hey Ken, what are you doing here?” I think it took him a few seconds to recognize me, but in all fairness I’m not the man I used to be when he knew me (no mustache now and less fat). Turns out he and his wife were there for the same movie. Ken and I worked in the same HR universe on Yongsan back in the day. He retired back in 2008 or so and moved to the Philippines with his Filipina wife. Until last night I hadn’t seen him since. He’s living on the Navy base these days and I guess life is being kind to him. It was cool running into him that way for sure.
So with the movie behind us we were off to dinner. I tried to tempt Jessa by walking her by the Korean grilled meats place I fancy, but she had her mind set on somewhere else. It was a few blocks away but we all hoofed it over there.
There are quite a few Korean eateries on the base (Hanjin has a shipyard nearby). This one’s sign cracked me up…seems like typical Korean reasoning….open 24 hours except for break time of 4 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. One of the girls asked why not just say open from 10 to 4? I had no answer…
This was Jessa’s choice for dining. I was a little surprised because it looks more like a coffee shop. But they had a nice outdoor dining area, a pretty good menu with various options, and what we ordered at least was well prepared. Not bad at all!
The happy diners…
The restaurant also had a small bakery which was a godsend seeing as how I had overlooked purchasing a birthday cake prior to departing the mall.
We did the one candle equals ten years thingy…
Ain’t she sweet? The cake was good too!
After dinner we headed back to Barretto. I had my driver drop me at Alley Cats for my beer fix and he took the girls back to Treasure Island. I think we all had fun. The gals want me to cook for them at my house soon and I promised that I would.
So, are you wondering about the potential for any future romance with one of these gals? Well, three of them are in their early 20s, so that ain’t going to work. Jessa at 30 is stretching it, but given the chance I might give it a go. She’s never given me any indication that she had any romantic inclinations towards me however. On the other hand, she doesn’t call me Kuya John like most of the young women I meet. She always calls me Gwapo (handsome). Anyway, having no expectations is a good defense against disappointment.
Just going to keep living one day at a time and see what happens next.
I had some really outstanding comments on the Living Dangerously post. As you faithful readers obviously know, LTG is as much a personal diary as anything else. I’m always frankly amazed that people follow my “trials, tribulations, and adventures” as recounted here. But the heartfelt comments and advice I’ve gotten along the way have meant so much more to me than you can ever know. So, I really wanted to acknowledge that and sincerely say thank you!
Aaron (a reader since 2005!) commented on the pending retirement of his parents and his concerns on how well they will fare in the transition. He’s following along with me for any insights he might glean from my journey. Well, it might be more of a “how not to guide, but my life here is pretty much an open book. It may be recalled that this is actually my second go at being retired, having originally stopped working at the tender age of 55 back on December 31, 2010. In that iteration, I was living six months in the USA and six months in Korea. And of course, I had my Korean wife with me back then. The first year was a busy one; both of my parents died, I bought and remodeled a house, and reestablished relationships with family and friends. And then things settled down into a comfortable routine which while sometimes boring, seemed like it was going well. The bombshell that my wife was unhappy in her life with me and wanted a divorce ended those dreams and that life. So I wound up going back to work for another three years.
This is my “do over” retirement. Before getting married I had planned on retiring to the Philippines. And now here I am. I’m still only five months into my life here so it’s a work in progress. I’m getting settled and slowly but surely finding my way. Yes, I probably spend too much time in the bars but at least I’m not one of those guys I see drinking at breakfast time (and I don’t drink at home either). The biggest void in my life I think is not having someone to love who loves me back. Finding someone who actually had some common interests would be icing on the cake (I’d really enjoy having a partner at the Hash for example). As commenter Kevin Kim has often advised I’m looking for love in all the wrong places. But the right kind of places are few and far between here in Barretto. So I need to expand my horizons and I’ve got some plans to do so, even if it means going back on the dating sites.
I don’t think I’m anywhere near as bored with my retired life this go round, but it’s still early in the game so we’ll see. I enjoyed my work but really don’t miss it much. The people and the social connections were really what mattered. I think it takes time to build something similar, but without the common bond of work that is much more difficult. Commenter Brandon recommends that I develop some hobbies and suggests gardening as an example. That’s probably not for me, but I do have darts and walking and will also be incorporating some travel into my lifestyle. So really, I think on balance I’m doing okay.
If I could just find a girlfriend! I think if I fuck up it’s going to be out of a sense of desperation. I had a bargirl friend who needed some extra money over to the house to give me a massage the other day (and that’s all it was, no happy ending!). And now there’s another woman who is friends with my helper wanting to provide me massage services. She’s married though and I’m not comfortable with that. On the other hand, tonight I’ll be helping a gal from Treasure Island celebrate her 30th birthday. She’s a sweetie and a cutie but I don’t have any illusions about why I’m coming to the party. To foot the bill of course. Her friend has already let me know that Jessa would love a new phone as a birthday present. And you know what, I don’t mind getting her one. I’d like her to remember her 30th as much as I do mine!
And I guess that’s the other thing about living here. I can afford to be generous. I’m very popular in the bars I frequent. But I’m also able to help out some folks when they are in need and that’s a good feeling. Just today I was asked if I could contribute some funds to help my downstairs caretaker who was recently hospitalized. I gave 2000 pesos (about $40.) which is no big deal to me but apparently will help him a lot in terms of getting the medicine he needs. Don’t get me wrong, I live on a budget but my budget allows me to live large by local standards. I’d say my standard of living is high compared to a large percentage of the expat community as well. As I’m often reminded, I’m a lucky man and in the bigger scheme of things what I perceive as problems are really meaningless.
I enjoy views like this one in my subdivision.
The steak dinner I prepared on my grill yesterday afternoon.
The dart tournament I won last night…
And who gives a damn if Subic thanks me for leaving their shitty little town. I’m a Barretto boy now!
So, yeah. That’s my life. It could be worse and it’s bound to get better. Thanks to my readers for joining me on the journey!
They will tell you you can’t sleep alone in a strange place
Then they’ll tell you you can’t sleep with somebody else
Ah, but sooner or later you sleep in your own space
Either way it’s OK, you wake up with yourself
I don’t need you to worry for me ’cause I’m alright
I don’t want you to tell me it’s time to come home
I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone
I never said you had to offer me a second chance
I never said I was a victim of circumstance
I still belong, don’t get me wrong
And you can speak your mind, but not on my time
I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone
Justin’s first day in the Philippines is now complete. Of course as I recounted in yesterday’s post, the day began a little after midnight when he landed at Clark airport in Angeles City. We managed to get a fair amount of walking in, over 20,000 steps by day’s end. And then it was time to introduce Justin to the Barretto nightlife.
We began at my home bar, Alley Cats. The dart tourney was still going on so the place was pretty crowded. We did find a place to sit and quaffed some ice cold beers to quench our thirst. Then it was time to move on to the second stop on the bar crawl–Cheap Charlies.
That would be us enjoying brews with a view.
I introduced Justin to my barfriend Mhaya and enjoyed observing his virgin experience of buying lady drinks for a Filipina bargirl. He actually did pretty well for a beginner. He controlled her intake by only refreshing her drink when he bought another for himself. He did slip up by being suckered into buying a drink for Mhaya’s “friend”, but he limited the damage by only buying her one. Overall, a good effort for a beginner…
Then we moved on to the Man Cave bar where the party really got started…
With Justin’s new friends, Cherry and Lynn….
…or was it Lynn and Cherry?
Tequila shots and pizza, does it get any better than that?
We next popped into Hot Zone to enjoy their hot lineup of dancers, and then it was someone’s bright idea that we do videoke (otherwise known as karaoke). And so we did, singing our hearts at at Double D’s.
Justin rocking it…
And yours truly doing a heartfelt rendition of the Bee Gee’s “I started a joke”… People often cry when I sing, even when it’s a happy song….
I finished my set and my night with an old Beatles tune I dedicated to all the bargirls who work so hard to gain our money affection.
The best things in life are free
But you can keep ’em for the birds and bees
Now give me money (that’s what I want)
That’s what I want (that’s what I want)
That’s what I want (that’s what I want) yeah
That’s what I want
Your loving give me a thrill,
But your loving don’t pay my bills
Now give me money (that’s what I want)
That’s what I want (that’s what I want)
That’s what I want (that’s what I want) yeah
That’s what I want
Money don’t get everything it’s true
What it don’t get I can’t use
Now give me money (that’s what I want)
That’s what I want (that’s what I want)
That’s what I want (that’s what I want) yeah
That’s what I want
Well, now give me money (that’s what I want)
Whole lot of money (that’s what I want)
Whoah yeah, I wanna be free (that’s what I want)
Oh, money (that’s what I want)
That’s what I want, yeah (that’s what I want)
That’s what I want
Well, now give me money (that’s what I want)
Whole lot of money (that’s what I want, whoo)
Whoah, yeah, you know I need money (that’s what I want)
Now give me money (that’s what I want, whoo)
That’s what I want, yeah (that’s what I want)
That’s what I want
Somewhere back in her long ago
Where he can still believe there’s a place in her life
Someday, somewhere, she will return
She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
He’s watching her go
But what a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
There’s nothing at all
But what a fool believes he sees…
—Doobie Brothers
I’m not sure it rises to the level of an epiphany, but I’ve been doing some thinking (shaddup!) and I believe I’ve turned the corner on gaining some understanding and insights into my so-called life.
As regular readers have likely discerned, I’m what you might call relationship challenged. I’ve certainly done more than my share of wallowing in self-pity, but lately I’ve been considering more about what exactly my problem is. And as it turns out, surprise surprise, the problem is me. Yeah, I’m the common denominator in every single one of my past failures. Go figure. But why exactly is that?
As I look back on my most recent “love” relationships and the additional loss of what I considered to be some true friends I just couldn’t get my mind around how people could act that way towards me. I mean, I’m far from perfect but I do try to treat people the way I hope to be treated, I’m probably generous to a fault, and I do my best to be honest in my interactions with those few individuals I’m close to in my life. So it is especially disappointing when these folks fail to keep their promises, lie to my face, and outright betray me. How can I be such a poor judge of character?
And there’s the rub. What I’ve come to understand is that these people I’ve allowed to hurt me were just being who they are. My expectations and beliefs about their innate goodness were nothing more than my projections of what I wanted them to be. And that blinded me to their true nature. Hmm, well that seemed a lot more profound in my head than it does here in writing, but I hope you get my meaning. People are going to be who and what they are, wishing and believing them to be what your hoping for doesn’t make a bit of difference. Hell, it only took me 63 years to figure that out!
I think my recent experience with Marissa really illustrates that point. I’ve been so frustrated that she can’t or won’t give me the type of girlfriend experience I most desire. I should actually give her credit for honestly living as who she is, not what I want her to be. Unlike my past loves and so-called friends who always pretended to care about me only to turn their backs and desert me when something they thought was better came along.
As a practical matter how will these new insights make a difference? Well, hopefully I’ll be both more discerning in my choices (looking hard to discover the true nature of the people I let into my life) and also more accepting of who someone is, even when it does not align with my wants and desires. Easier said than done I suppose. But I think I can learn to be satisfied with having people around me who may not fulfill all my needs. I’m also learning to accept that I may be destined to live out my life alone most of the time. And I am getting more accustomed and comfortable with that. Better to be alone than with the wrong someone, that’s for sure.
Speaking of being alone, I did in fact end things with Marissa. It’s kind of funny in a sad way, because once I had got my mind around that she wasn’t ever going to be my ideal, but I could still enjoy my time with her, she went tampo on me and did it in a way that was embarrassing. I just don’t need that kind of drama in my life (heh, she went from being better than nothing to “eh, not so much” just like that). The link above gives you the Wikipedia definition of tampo, including this quote from Reekay Velez, an American vlogger here in the Philippines:
“To avoid confrontation, this tampo thing has developed over the years to where they don’t wanna speak in anger, they don’t wanna confront and say, ‘Hey, you hurt me with this or that.’ What I found out triggers it most of the time is that a guy spent one nanosecond more than he should’ve noticing a pretty girl passing by. Ninety-nine percent of the time, that’s what it is. All of a sudden, the wife, the girlfriend doesn’t wanna talk to him anymore.”
Anyway, she wouldn’t tell me what was wrong and after asking three times I’d had enough. I’m ashamed to admit that I lost my temper and yelled at her, which of course didn’t help matters. The next day she did admit that she was jealous of how I was interacting with the other bargirls. Well, if she had been responsive I could have assured her I was not interested in either of the women in question (I consider them friends that I joke around with). But I have a very low tolerance for jealous behavior and given the overall unsatisfactory nature of the relationship I knew it was time to walk away. As my friend Jerry reminded me, in the Philippines when a relationship ends you just say “next!”. We’ll see.
So, speaking of next, I saw this description of a relationship on the Althouse blog:
“When you think of what it is you’re looking for in a significant other, you’re generally talking about someone to talk to, someone to spend your day with, someone to talk about your day with, someone to go places with and enjoy life. Never in that is there ‘I want someone that’s going to cry at the drop of a hat, or be mad at me for no reason.’… In any relationship, the same exact feelings you have in the first two years of a relationship — that insane, intense drive — always tend to change after a couple of years. They turn to laying your life out with each other. They turn to be more everyday, logical… And for her to be able to reciprocate that way to me, on a routine basis, is fantastic.”
That is exactly what I’m hoping to find for myself someday! But here’s the punchline: the guy describing his relationship is married to someone who is a diagnosed psychopath! I guess maybe it’s true that you’d have to be crazy to love a man like me!
Oh well, I’ll find her or I won’t. In the meantime I’m going to enjoy the life I have, solitary though it may be. I’ll find ways to fill the holes and get my needs fulfilled (yeah, I’m considering easing my stance on no barfines). Minute by minute, I’ll keep holding on.
You will stay just to watch me, darlin’
Wilt away on lies from you
Can’t stop the habit of livin’ on the run
I take it all for granted like you’re the only one
Livin’ on my own
Somehow that sounds nice
You think I’m your fool
Well, you may just be right
‘Cause minute by minute by minute by minute
I keep holding on
Oh, minute by minute by minute by minute
I keep holding on
Call my name and I’ll be gone
You’ll reach out and I won’t be there
Just my luck you’ll realize
You should spend your life with someone
You could spend your life with someone
Minute by minute by minute by minute
I’ll be holding on
Oh, minute by minute by minute by minute
I’ll be holding on…
There’s this guy. Name is Greg. Alright dude I suppose when he’s sober, but that is rarely the case. The more he drinks the louder and more obnoxious he becomes. It’s actually pretty annoying but I’ve chosen to ignore his unseemly behavior, deeming it none of my business since none of his rudeness has ever been directed towards me.
Until Tuesday night that is. And yes, sadly this is another case of the dreaded “darts drama”. Some people just can’t help themselves it seems. But it was especially disappointing in the case of Greg who is one of the top dart players in town. I’ve been actively trying to recapture some of my passion for the game, although for me I’m playing as a pastime, win or lose I try to keep it fun. Greg is pretty much the opposite, he gets mouthy and pissy if he is playing poorly.
I didn’t know Greg prior to moving here, although we did share time in Korea. He played in the Songtan league. We do have a mutual friend, a bar owner there named Vox. When I mentioned to Vox on Facebook that I met Greg, he sent me a message warning me that Greg was not to be trusted. Well, to me he is just another guy in the bar, and there are very few people in the bar that I would inherently trust. Some I like better than others, but trust is earned and I haven’t been here long enough to really trust anyone.
Anyway, Tuesday night we are playing in the semi-finals. Greg and his partner won the 501 leg, and we moved on to the cricket match. My first dart was a triple 20 to close, I threw the second dart at the 19 and missed, so went back up to the 20 for points. Greg then commenced to get all mouthy and said throwing points was “totally uncalled for”. Um, the game is called cricket points for a reason. Strategically, I made the smart throw. His rudely calling me out really pissed me off. After the game (which he won) I let him know in my loud voice how I felt. His lame excuse was that he had been “kidding”. Bullshit.
Anyway, Marissa tried to calm me down and then my pal Jerry came over and reminded me not to lower myself to Greg’s level. Yeah, that resonated so I let it go.
But thinking about it overnight I realized that I was devoting way too much time to darts and not really enjoying myself. Greg’s behavior was the catalyst to my realization that I should be finding better ways to fill the hours. So, I told my Wednesday dart league captain that this would be my last season. Greg is the captain of my Friday league team, and if last night is any indication he is not talking to me. Which suits me fine. I don’t want to let my Friday teammates down so I will play out the season if they need me. That’s up to Greg.
After the season I’m taking a break from darts. Oh I might play in an occasional tournament if the mood strikes me, but this five day a week routine is going to change. Probably time for me to focus on doing some local travel and exploring more of this country I call home. Also might be good for me to spend less time in Alley Cats bar.
Speaking of which, Marissa came out on her day off to watch me throw in league yesterday. When the match was finished, I told her I was hungry. She said she had already eaten. I finished my beer and said I needed to go eat. She told me, “you go, I’ll wait here”. Alrighty then, girlfriend. I paid my tab, said goodnight, and left the bar.
I was sitting at Cheap Charlies in a sour mood, drinking beers and waiting for my BLT sandwich to arrive. Marissa sent me a message asking “Are you mad?”. I responded along the lines of “why would I be mad? I said it hurts that my girlfriend couldn’t be bothered to spend time with me on her day off, preferring to sit alone at Alley Cats>” And then of course she got all defensive. We went back and forth for awhile, and she honestly just doesn’t get why it was a big deal to me. After I finished eating I went back to the bar to continue the discussion and hopefully find some resolution. She kept telling me to lower my voice, although I didn’t feel like I was being all that loud. Finally she insisted we go somewhere else to continue the conversation.
I did calm down, said my piece, tried to understand her side of it (I still don’t, you either want to be with me or you don’t. I shouldn’t have to ask, insist, or beg you to join me). Anyway, I don’t know where we go from here. This article says that “on-again, off-again relationships are more trouble than they’re worth”. I’m not sure that Marissa and I are technically on-again/off-again. She calls them fights. I’ve never technically broken up with her, although I’ve come close to doing so. Ultimately that may be where this goes unless she can miraculously figure out what it takes to satisfy my longing for a loving companion.
As if I didn’t have enough drama in my life, I came home Tuesday night to a message from Maria (my “friend” in Davao) telling me she was unfriending me in Facebook but that she was still my friend. What do you say to that? I said “goodbye Maria”.
The back story is that she has met a 71 year old retired Navy guy and that I somehow make him feel threatened. I’d chatted with him a couple of times on messenger, answering his questions about the the Subic area and assuring him that Maria is a good and honest woman. And then a few days ago I get this insane message from him ranting about how he knows I’m Maria’s fuck buddy and crazy ass shit like that. As I had told him, I haven’t even seen Maria in person for over two years.
Anyway, I shared that message with Maria and warned her that the guy had demonstrated that he was a jealous control freak, potentially abusive, and things were unlikely to end well. She indicated she had already figured all that out and that she had blocked all contact with him. I guess until she didn’t. He had recently insisted that she end her Facebook friendship with me and that is what she did.
I’m fine with it. Hell, anyone who doesn’t want to be friends with me, on Facebook or in real life, is more than welcome to walk away. Just like the women who professed to love me forever and ever. I’ve helped Maria out of several situations since we last met and she always called me her guardian angel. I guess she has a new angel now. I hope that works out for her, although I expect she is headed for trouble. Not my problem, that’s for sure.
Is that about enough drama for one week? I sure as hell hope so!
She was a friend to me when I needed one
Wasn’t for her I don’t know what I’d done
She gave me back something that was missing in me
She could of turned out to be almost anyone
Almost anyone…
With the possible exception
Of who I wanted her to be
Talk about celestial bodies
And your angels on the wing
She wasn’t much good at stickin’ around…but
That girl could sing…
Ah, I hope you will indulge me as I engage in a little Sunday morning introspection.
Woke up alone which is of course sadly normal for me. Then I walked alone…
…on the beach.
And ate breakfast alone…
…probably the best French toast in town at Mango’s…
And all that alone time gave me the chance to reflect on the sorry state of my love life. I don’t always go there, but Facebook “triggered” me by sharing a memory from two years ago.
The lovely Eun Oke traveled with me to Barretto back then…
We had a fine ocean view room at the Arizona resort….
…and a really fantastic time in the bars. The bargirls loved her and she enjoyed having me buy them drinks. Good times!
Anyway, I’m not going to recount the disaster that resulted from that relationship. Suffice to say I allowed myself to love someone for the first time since having my heart and soul crushed by the wife. Eun Oke left me embittered and cynical and unwilling (or perhaps unable) to open myself up to love again.
So Loraine became my brand new plan.
I’d just hire someone to take care of me. No risk in that, right?
Regular readers know how that turned out for me. Honestly, I’m still reeling from the aftershocks. I’m living the life here alone that I expected to share with her. That’s not always easy.
Which has led me now to this particular moment in time and my tentative first steps in starting a new relationship. Marissa, what am I going to do about you?
Things are always just a little out of kilter it seems…
I think Marissa is a good woman with a good heart. So, what’s the problem? She just doesn’t meet my needs. We have little in common (she doesn’t like to walk!). She’s not open and expressive with her feelings. And she works in a bar. Other than those things she is pretty much perfect.
And of course I’m being very unfair here. I do think she cares but she doesn’t do the little things to show it. And that’s really my being needy and wanting constant reassurance that I matter. And that is just not in her nature to do. I think she is perhaps making more of an effort in that regard, but again, I can’t expect her to be something that she is not.
The working in a bar thing is a bigger issue for me than I expected it would be. My first girlfriend in Korea was a bargirl and I don’t recall being bothered by other men buying her drinks. Hey, it meant I didn’t have to. This situation feels different somehow now. Again, that’s probably more a reflection of my insecurity and vulnerability than anything she is doing. We have talked about it at length. I respect that customer bought drinks is how she pays the rent. I admire her tenacity and independence as she makes her way through life. I have no reason to think these customers mean anything other than a way to make money (just to be clear, I’m talking drinks only, there is no “take out” available at Alley Cats).
Her ex-boyfriend took her out of the bar. Paid her a 10,000 peso per month “allowance” in lieu of working. That’s only $200. I could easily do that. The problem I have with it though is that it is too much like the “buying a girlfriend” thing I tried with Loraine. I don’t want Marissa to be with me out of a sense of obligation or financial need. I want her to be with me only when and if that is where she most wants to be. If I give her money I could never be sure.
So, that’s my dilemma. And yes, the easy course of action is to just let her go and move on to the next big thing. I may wind up doing that at some point. But for now at least I find her to be, well, it sounds crass and selfish, but she’s better than nothing. I’ve had way too much of nothing and I’m not quite ready to throw in the towel and go back to that.
So, we shall see what the future brings.
The longer I thought I could find her
The shorter my vision became
Running in circles behind her
And thinking in terms of the blame
But she couldn’t have been any kinder
If she’d come back and tried to explain
She wasn’t much good at saying goodbye…but
That girl was sane
Today is a national holiday here in the Philippines. And it is also my birthday. Coincidence? I think not!
No great insights on this rainy (of course) 63rd anniversary of my birth. My life has certainly not gone according to “plan”, not that I actually had one, and this birthday finds me alone for the most part in a place I didn’t really expect to be. And Lord knows, I’ve been in worse places both physically and emotionally. I don’t have to look very far to see up close and personal just how blessed I truly am. It’s easy to focus on what you don’t have I think, but today I’m especially thankful to have made it this far in my life’s journey with my health mostly intact and nothing of significance to worry about.
And what a journey it’s been! Indulge me while I reminisce.
The very first part of the trip…
It all began that long ago morning at the Kaiser Foundation hospital in Los Angeles, California.
My father managed a fast food restaurant in Orange County, but this was the closet hospital for his Kaiser health plan.
1955-1960: My first hometown was lovely Garden Grove, CA.
It’s all a little hazy now, but it looked something like this back then…
Me in the bros back in the 50s…
1960-1973: Westminster, CA was where I did most of my growing up (heh, I’m still a work in progress though!).
My Alma Mater. High school was a challenging time for me. Ran cross country my Freshman year, then switched from athletics to drugs (mostly pot). Still managed to stay focused enough to become editor of the school newspaper and to graduate (that was touch and go!)
Me and my Grandma Pernie…
1973: Garden Grove again briefly. I got arrested on the Fourth of July (you can read about it here) and my father and I agreed it would be in our mutual best interests for me to move out. Got an apartment with a friend and was working at a convenience store for two bucks an hour.
1973-1974: Huntington Beach, CA. Things didn’t work out with the first roomie, so me and my older brother got a place in Huntington Beach and I started practicing to be a grown-up. Got a better job and my first broken heart while there.
This photo is a little misleading as we lived miles from the actual beach. But I did spend a lot of time on (and under) this pier over the years…
1975: Midway City, CA. So, I got a girl I was dating pregnant. We moved in together until the baby was born at which time we planned to give the child up for adoption. When that day came I balked at letting my baby girl go and proposed marriage instead. I told that story here.
All you can say about Midway City is that it is midway between Huntington Beach and Westminster.
1976-1978: Back to Westminster. My parents owned two small houses on a corner lot and rented one out to me and my new family. I took a job with the Postal Service and was on my way career-wise. My son was born in 1978 and the family was complete.
Me a father of two? Something doesn’t add up!
1978-1983: Prescott, Arizona. Being a family man was a big responsibility. And even back in the 1970s I wasn’t liking the way California was going and wanted something better for my kids. The wife and I loved Arizona and so I started working hard at getting a transfer to a post office there. Prescott was the lucky winner for my, er, unique talents. I paid them back by becoming the president of the local letter carrier’s union.
Still probably the best place I ever did live. A beautiful city, small and clean. I was big time into softball there. Even founded the Mile High softball club. A double entendre, as the city was a mile high and so was I….
Most importantly, it was a great place to raise my kids. Or so I had hoped.
1983: Monroe, Oklahoma. Alas, it was not to be. The marriage went south and I got custody of two young kids. I did my best as a single father but I needed help. Who do you turn to in that situation? My mother of course!
My parents owned this small farm in Monroe. It was a really great place for the kids…horses and country living!
I give my mom and grandma all the credit for raising two outstanding individuals that I am proud to call my children.
1984: Fort Smith, Arkansas. Well, as good as the farm life was for the kids, it wasn’t exactly my cup of tea. Plus, my work was across the border in Arkansas. I took an apartment there and spent weekends with the kids.
This was my first time living in the South. And I was in my prime. I’ve been around some, but man oh man, the gals back then loved to get it on. Hey, it was the 80s!
Which brings me to a birthday memory. I was dating a girl from work named Darla. She was a clerk on the night shift. She left work early and showed up at my place just a little before midnight. At the stroke of 12 she commenced to give me a blow job. I was of course pleasantly surprised. Afterwards she told me she never wanted me to forget what I was doing when I turned 30. I’m sure I will never forget even though she left me not long after. Sweet girl!
1985: Van Buren, AR. Things were going well at work. Got my first promotion to management as a Safety Specialist. What’s a rising star like me going to do? Why move across the river and buy a house in Van Buren of course!
If it looks country, that’s what it is. A country town through and through…
1986: Poteau, OK. I met the woman who was destined to be wife #2 and moved into her very nice home in Poteau (pronounced PO-tow).
If it looks depressing, that’s what it is, a depressing burg of a town. The fine dining was done at Pizza Hut and the shopping at Wal-Mart.
1987: Columbia, South Carolina. I took a big promotion as a Labor Relations Specialist in Columbia, SC. A town I had never even seen (I had interviewed for a job in Charleston, but got hired for one in Columbia). I didn’t care, I was getting the fuck out of Poteau!
Ah, city living! Comparatively speaking anyway.
Me back in the Cola days. Everybody’s so different, I haven’t changed.
1988-1997: Lexington, SC. As happy as I was to be out of OK, the kids were missing the horse lifestyle. So we bought a big house on two acres and I brought the horses out. It was a good life, with a rural lifestyle and city conveniences 30 minutes away.
Well, it was better than Poteau. Except for hearing the occasional Klan rallies on the next street over from my house.
1997-2004: Stafford, Virginia. Another big promotion and another big move. I was working in Arlington and Stafford is a good distance south of there. I was warned that I-95 would kick my ass. I blew it off saying “I grew up driving the freeways in Southern Cal”. I-95 kicked my ass. It was better after I took a job in Washington, DC with the Department of Education. I took the VRE train in everyday. Still an 1.5 hour commute each way, but at least I could relax and read.
I lived on the golf course in the Aquia Harbour subdivision. I didn’t golf though. The ex still has the house and a good bit of shit I left behind when I moved on to Korea.
2005-2010: Seoul, Korea. The move that changed everything. It is what this blog was all about. It’s all there in the archives. A lot of it is almost too painful to remember. But I wouldn’t change that life altering decision anyway.
I love and miss this city!
2011-2014: Back “home” in Columbia. At least part time (also spent several months a year in my other home of Seoul). It is where the kids and grandkids live. And I got home just in time to help my parents through their final days.
It’s all gone now. Still struggling to find my way onward to a new life.
2015-2016: Back to Seoul with nothing but broken promises and broken dreams.
2017: Pyeongtaek. Damn, looking back on it now I never really gave that town a chance. I was so bitter and disillusioned. Would I like to go back and give it a do-over? HELL NO!
I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t your fault. It was me, not you.
2018-?: Barrio Barretto, Olongapo, Zambales, Philippines. And here I am waiting for the next big thing. Things can always be better and they sure as hell can always be worse. I think I’m getting more and more settled and I’m confident I’ll make a satisfying life here. Just give me another good ten years to work with. Hell, make it twenty.
It ain’t real big but it’s big enough to call “home”.
Happy Birthday to me! Let’s stick around and see what happens next, shall we?
Yesterday I watched my first Filipino film, a movie called Miss Granny. Here’s the trailer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zn8vbPY_o5s
I’m not going to write a review. I’ll just say that the movie was entertaining overall, cute and sappy in places, full of plot holes, but still enjoyable. Throughout the film I kept thinking that it was very similar to watching a Korean drama. So I had to laugh when I was doing the Google search for the above linked trailer and discovered that the movie is in fact a remake of a 2014 Korean movie of the same name. Go figure.
We saw the movie at Harbor Point Mall on the old Navy base and afterwards dined at a new Korean BBQ joint on the Riverwalk outside the mall.
Had the pork galbi and it was surprisingly good. I’ll definitely be back next time I get the hankering for some grilled Korean meat. They also featured a bulgogi dish that looked great on the menu, but said it served 3-4 persons. Need to bring some friends along for that…
So, who is this “we” I’m talking about?
Marissa took a night off work to join me. That’s about the first time she has done anything to make me think she likes me. Or maybe she just likes movies. One of those….
Honestly, the date night was especially unlikely because Marissa had broken up with me (via text) while I was in Angeles City. I was pretty confused about her reasoning (other than the fact that I had always assumed she just wasn’t really into me). Her message said she was “embarrassed” to be my girlfriend and she accused me of being a “player”. Well, okay then. I asked for some elaboration so I might have some insights into what I had done wrong but she went silent after that.
Now, in my long history of failed relationships I had never had any woman profess to be embarrassed to be with me. And as to being a player, well, I’m about as opposite of being a player as you can get. Hell, two night in Angeles and I didn’t even visit one girly bar. I must be the kind of player who has no game I guess. I came to find out later that this photo was the culprit:
To me, it is an innocent selfie shot of the Hashers riding the Jeepney out to the trail head. To Marissa it was evidence that I was coupled up with that gal sitting next to me in the Jeep. Apparently because we have the same hat (as do all the other Subic Hashers). Yes, typical insane Filipina jealously which I have little tolerance for. But hey, at least she cares!
So, I had a dart tournament on Tuesday which is also a day that Marissa works in Alley Cats where I play. She came in and made a big show of ignoring me. I put up with it for awhile, then I had the waitress send her over a beer. That put her in a tough spot. She works for customer drink commissions so she couldn’t really decline the drink. At first she sat at the bar drinking it, but of course that’s not appropriate either (the customer is paying for the company that comes with the beer). She finally came over and clinked her beer bottle against mine, said thanks for the drink, and went back to bar. I guess one of the other waitresses shamed her into doing the right thing, because after a bit she came and sat down on the stool beside me. Still not talking and her body language made clear she didn’t want to be there.
I started pushing Marissa to talk about the meaning behind her breakup words and she said she didn’t want to talk about it. I let it go, and bought her another beer. Other people at our table were having fun and we started joining in some. By the end of the night we were sharing some laughs. As I left, I thanked her for a good time and she said this was a much better way to end things. I agreed.
I had dart league on Wednesday, a day Marissa is not scheduled to work. So I was surprised when she walked in. I asked her if she was working and she said “no, I just came to see you play”. Hmm. Well, we had another good afternoon and I guess I might have asked her if she wanted to get together sometime. She said let’s see a movie tomorrow. Aren’t you working? She responded it was a slow night anyway. And so that’s how the date came about.
So, where do things stand now? Damned if I know. The truth is our communication barrier remains an issue and honestly we just don’t have a whole lot of common interests. We did have a nice dinner and movie date and I could see myself enjoying her company now and again. Just passing the time, however comfortably and well. One day at a time and all that.
What else?
Well, Buddy loves me. Regardless of whether I’m a player.
And Ester from the bar modeled what could be a new fashion trend…turning underwear into outerwear….
And this pretty much captures my state of being:
And there are worse things in life than being alone.
One of the factors in my choosing Barrio Barretto as my new home town in the Philippines was the robust expat community that resides here. Three months into the life and I’m feeling accepted and comfortable as part of that community.
Which is not to say I’ve made many friends yet. That’s not unusual for me as I’m not quick to open up to strangers and so my relationships tend to rarely progress beyond the acquaintance level. I guess that’s just my comfort zone. I got to thinking about this topic when I came across an article on the science of friendship. Apparently, making friends isn’t much like falling in love at all (at least the love at first sight kind). Friendship requires a pretty significant investment of time:
So what should you do if your social life is lacking? Here, too, the research is instructive. To begin with, don’t dismiss the humble acquaintance. Even interacting with people with whom one has weak social ties has a meaningful influence on well-being. Beyond that, building deeper friendships may be largely a matter of putting in time. A recent study out of the University of Kansas found that it takes about 50 hours of socializing to go from acquaintance to casual friend, an additional 40 hours to become a “real” friend, and a total of 200 hours to become a close friend.
Well, I have plenty of time on my hands these days, but there are probably only a handful of people I can be bothered to spend it with on a regular basis.
The demographics of our humble expat community is pretty squarely in the older category, hell to be honest, you might even call them elderly. Not real surprising I suppose when you consider that almost every foreigner living here is more or less retired. A very small percentage might be doing some type of online business and others have some local business interests. Everyone else is just filling in the days until the days run out. Being in my early 60s, I’d guess I’m at or near the median age. A surprising number of old fuckers at 70+ still loving the Philippines lifestyle. On the lower end of the age spectrum would be the military retirees, some as young as late 40s.
Almost all of us are white, and I’m sorry to report that based on conversations I’ve overheard, a few are blatantly racist. I’m not talking about being un-PC, these folks are 1950s throwbacks. Not quite the Klan, but ignorant assholes regardless. Ah well, just another limiting factor on making friends here.
Of course, the flip side of the coin is there are a fair number of bright and successful folks who can carry on an interesting conversation. I had the pleasure of sitting and chatting with a couple of these guys the other night over drinks at Wet Spot.
Jerry was one of the first people I met when I moved here. Late 60s I reckon and he’s also a walker. I’ve ran into him on the road a couple of times, but we both prefer to walk alone. I also see him and his mistress (a story for another day) at darts on occasion. I’m not sure what he used to do for a living, although some of it involved working as a contractor with DoD. I know he spent time in Korea (long before I was there) and in less desirable locales like Afghanistan. He’s been in the Philippines for well over ten years and knows just about everyone in town. He’s managed bars here in the past and was engaged in some other businesses as well. He pretty much just lives off investments and pensions these days though. Anyway, I learn a lot chatting with him and it’s always enjoyable. He is sponsoring a young woman’s college tuition which is a potential life changing opportunity for her. I really admire that.
The other guy at my table was Dave. Now, I’ve known “of” Dave since my very first visit to the Philippines. He owned a hotel/restaurant/bar in Angeles City back then. A few years ago he sold out and moved to Barretto. He heads up the Dryden Group here, which operates the Maze (a group of 5 bars in one building) and the Paradise Hotel. I’m sure he’s involved in other businesses as well, but you get the picture.
Dave is the MC for the weekly SOB dance competitions. Not a bad little retirement hobby…
Dave is in his 70s and is a retired physician. He was a bigshot with the German company Siemens as well (their medical equipment division). He spends part of his time each week in Manila and a couple of months at his house in The Netherlands. Fascinating man to chat with as you might imagine. Dave’s a good guy to know as he is well connected with the local politicians and on several occasions has interceded with the authorities to bail out foreigners who have done stupid shit (usually while drunk). He’s also big into charitable causes, something that I’m interested in getting more involved in as well. One thing he does is help folks get dental issues resolved. I’ve been shocked at just how many of the young ladies around here are missing teeth. Almost like being back in Arkansas (joke). Anyway, giving someone back their smile would be a big deal with lasting impact. I actually have one of the Hash gals in mind for making an offer of time in the dentist chair.
The point is that there are people around here that I’m looking forward to getting to know better. We may or may not become friends, but I do at least enjoy their company. There is more to life than beer after all. But nothing beats beer and good company to go with it!
Last night I heard from an old friend who just had her heart broken. I was pretty surprised because I know she was crazy about this guy and had gone “all in” to the relationship. And now she is devastated. I really feel bad for her because last time we chatted she was excited like a kid before Christmas waiting for his visit next month (yes, it was one of those long distance relationships which are of course especially fraught with peril).
I’m certainly in no position to give relationship advice (unless you are savvy enough to do the opposite of what I say), but I do know a thing or two about dealing with a broken heart. So I mostly just provided an understanding ear and assured her that she would get through this and come out changed, but stronger, on the other side. As they say, it only hurts until the pain goes away.
I’m ten months removed now for my latest broken heart and of course I’ve moved on with my life. Although this life I’m living here is the life I had intended to share with her. That took some getting used to the first few weeks but it also provided some much needed perspective. We all walk the path we choose in life, if we get lucky someone may choose to walk along beside us. There is no guarantee it will be for a lifetime. That’s the risk you take when you allow yourself to love.
In an odd little coincidence, Facebook “memories” feature shared a photo I’d posted two years ago of the love before the last love, Eun Oke.
This was right after we had first met. The caption on my FB post was “the future is a mystery”.
It turned out to be a very short-lived future as a couple. When I think of her I’m reminded of the Jim Croce lyric: “for every time that we spent laughing there were two times that I cried…”. But hey, no regrets. I still on rare occasions will get a Kakao message from her. Usually when she is drunk. Eun Oke is a good, but flawed, woman. I was just too fragile to deal with her mood swings. I hope she is doing better now.
And of course, this new life is what I salvaged when my previous life was ended on the seemingly capricious whim of the last woman I married. I’ll never understand that and I’ve given up trying. I died, spent time in purgatory, and was reborn in the Philippines.
Will I find a true and lasting love here? I honestly don’t know and maybe what I have is good enough. I’m open to whatever the future might bring but I’m not going to spend my time being sad about the past or lamenting what I don’t have in my life now. It is what it is. I’ll just keeping walking on.
Love hurts, love scars, love wounds
And mars, any heart
Not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts…… ooh, ooh love hurts
Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
They’re not foolin’ me
I know it isn’t true, I know it isn’t true
Love is just a lie
Made to make you blue
Love hurts…… ooh, ooh love hurts
Ooh, ooh love hurts
Today marks three months of living in the Philippines. And while things can always be better, on balance my life here is generally good.
I’m more and more integrated into the expat community with each passing day. It’s a small town and so I recognize and am recognized by my fellow (non) citizens. For the most part they seem to be a pretty good group of gents. And it is easy enough to avoid the exceptions.
My interactions with the locals is pretty much limited to those who provide the services I consume. And even here I’m made to feel like a regular, almost always greeted by name and an honorific (kuya John or sir John). A small thing perhaps, but it does make me feel at home.
Of course, there are frustrations. It is outrageous that I’ve been without water for going on two weeks. Totally unacceptable and totally nothing I can do about it. Heh, even the hotel staff knows me by name now. I also get discouraged that some basic items I’m accustomed to consuming are not available in the stores. I’ll be bringing an empty suitcase when I return to the USA in October to help alleviate those shortages.
And my love life. I did expect that some lucky gal would have snatched me up by now. Yes, there is Marissa. But more and more I realize as nice and as pleasant as she might be, she is not going to be “the one” for me. We had a nice enough date last night, but today I woke up knowing that I’m very likely heading for a train wreck. I need to find the courage to jump off before someone gets hurt. Or else I need to learn to stop being an all or nothing kind of guy. One of those.
Anyway, one of my goals in living here was to find ways to make a difference. To be making life a little better for some by my presence. I’ve got a ways to go in that regard, but in some ways I’ve been at least a small help to others. My helper Teri has a decent job now. My driver Donnie seems to appreciate the work I throw his way. The caretaker Tony gets a little extra cash from me each week. I’ve done some acts of charity for people I know in need. It can be overwhelming because so many here have so little and you can’t help them all. But, I do the best I can and take some satisfaction from that at least.
Going forward I’d like to find a project or projects within my budget that could potentially change a life. One thing I’m considering is the possibility of sponsoring a student’s college tuition, at least in part. It would have to be the right person in the right circumstances, but the potential for helping someone move out of the cycle of poverty is pretty compelling. I’m not sure how to go about that, a scholarship perhaps, or maybe I’ll encounter a deserving individual along the way. We’ll see.
I don’t really consider it charity, but I do buy my share of lady drinks for the working girls I meet in the bars. Such a small thing can make a big difference. You don’t always realize that, at least I didn’t. One night one of the dancers offered me a chair massage. I always say no to that, but this one had such a look of desperation in her eyes that I assented. When she finished, I gave her 100 pesos ($2). You could see the relief in her face as she confided to me “now I can buy my baby some rice on the way home. Thank you!”. Fuck.
When you bring a gal down for a drink they all ask the same basic questions, including “where you from?” and “where you stay?”. I guess I look like tourist (well, I do tend to dress a little nicer than most of my fellow expats, but that’s not saying much). They always seem to be surprised when I respond that I’m living here in Barretto. Their follow-up question is invariably “how long you stay here?” to which I truthfully answer “until I die”. How long that will be is anyone’s guess.
Although it did get me thinking about just how I might die here. I’ve come up with ten ways, in descending order (least likely to most likely). Here they are:
10. Killed by a jealous Pinoy boyfriend. This isn’t too likely I suspect because I hope I’d do a better job of vetting any potential mates so as to know if they had a boyfriend at home. Still, it happens. Especially with bargirls.
9. Pissing off the wrong person. Face is a big thing in this country and you don’t want to cause a Filipino to lose face when a hitman can be hired for a hundred bucks. I’m not the most patient person around so I need to work hard at my mantra “deep breath, relax, accept the Filipino way”.
8. Lack of quality health care. Okay, well there are two decent hospitals nearby, another a couple of hours away in Angeles, and the best (St. Luke’s) down in Manila. So it is as much as matter of what, when and where as anything else I suppose. Something really serious I could hopefully fly to the USA, but you don’t always get that much advance warning. Everything is always a roll of the dice, right?
7. Fucked to death by a horny Filipina. What a way to go though! This actually kinda almost happened once prior to my COPD diagnosis. I couldn’t breath but my partner was bound and determined to get off before she got off. Anyway, I’m in better shape now and I’m confident I can hold my own with any sexy girl I might encounter. Or die trying!
6. Liver failure. Okay, it’s no secret that I drink a lot of beers. Several a day, every day. I am drinking light beer with low alcohol content which ought to not be so taxing on my liver to process. But again, we all have to die of something, and I’m not giving up my beer.
5. Trike wreck. I prefer walking to taking the most common means of local transport, the tricycle. They are uncomfortable and unsafe and the drivers routinely ignore common sense traffic laws. Still, they are perhaps safer than walking home in the dark late at night or when there is monsoon rainfall. What are the odds?
The ubiquitous trike on the National Highway in Barretto.
4. Killed by my driver. Speaking of death by traffic, my driver Donnie may very well be the death of me. He drives like a fucking maniac. But honestly, so does nearly everyone else in this country. Scary though it may be, he is effective in getting me to where I’m going in the shortest time possible. Not that I’m dying to get anywhere in a hurry.
3. Hashing. Regular readers have seen my weekly Hash reports. I’m often one false step away from disaster. So, the trick I guess is not taking that step.
2. The National Highway. My walking and bar adventures generally require me to cross the highway a couple of times a day. I’m getting better at it I think. It’s all about timing, in a Frogger kind of way. I had one close call a couple of years ago after which I was advised to cross “when the Filipinos do”. I guess I’m going native. They are in the process of widening the highway from two lanes to four. That may prove to be the death of me.
1. Peacefully in my sleep. Hey, I’m an optimist. It could happen. In twenty years or so.
I’m not scared of dying
and I don’t really care
If it’s peace you find in dying,
well, then let the time be near
If it’s peace you find in dying,
when dying time is here,
Just bundle up my coffin cause
it’s cold way down there
My troubles are many, they’re as deep as a well
I can swear there ain’t no heaven but I pray there ain’t no hell
Swear there ain’t no heaven and pray there ain’t no hell,
But I’ll never know by living, only my dying will tell,
Only my dying will tell, yeah, only my dying will tell
And when I die and when I’m gone,
There’ll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on
Give me my freedom for as long as I be
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me,
And all I ask of dying is to go naturally, only want to go naturally
Don’t want to go by the devil, don’t want to go by the demon,
Don’t want to go by Satan, don’t want to die uneasy,
Just let me go naturally
And when I die and when I’m gone,
There’ll be one child born to carry on.
Yesterday’s Hash was my personal worst experience in my short Hashing career. No, I didn’t get hurt. I did get left behind.
The day’s Hares have a reputation for laying difficult trails. I’m okay with that. I knew it was going to be a long one when the Hash truck dropped us further out than I’ve ever seen thus far. As is customary, the runners started from a more distant starting point, and we walkers started maybe a kilometer further up the trail.
Things went south pretty quickly once I got out of the truck. The walkers split into two groups: those of us following the trail and those who chose to take a shortcut. I’m all about respecting the Hare by taking the path as he intended. And so it was On-On:
Our trail started straight up a rather steep hillside. I snapped this picture (which put me at the back of my group). This was the last I ever saw of them.
I’m not the slowest walker, but the group I followed left me in their dust. I really, really hate being alone on the trail. It wasn’t too long before the runners caught up and passed me. And that was it. I guess there is no Hash ethos of “no man left behind”. I was able to follow the trail markings at least (which isn’t always the case with me). Coming back down the muddy hill was perilous, slipping and sliding and wondering what would become of me if I happened to hurt myself. I made it to the bottom and said, “fuck this.” I hiked back to the National Highway and followed it on into Barretto and the “on-home” at Midnight Rambler. I was, of course, one of the first people back, having missed the majority of the trail.
I made the right call, though. When one of the walkers (Flim Flam Man) from my group (and a very experienced Hasher) returned, he was bitching about this being the most dangerous trail he had ever seen. He was particularly incensed that the Hares had laid a trail that required climbing a TEN-FOOT-tall wall. There is no possible way I could have done that, nor would I have even attempted it if I were alone on the trail. Flim Flam raised his concerns during the circle, but was pretty much just blown off.
Anyway, I do look forward to the Hash each week, and I intend to continue participating. However, I’m not going to put myself in a situation that could lead to serious injury. It’s just not worth it. Even though you are very careful, injuries can happen at any time.
I did purchase a pair of Hash socks, though:
It’s on-on, no, no, or oz, oz, depending on your perspective, I suppose.
Sorry to be such a little bitch about this week’s Hash…
Speaking of close calls, two of the young women (and I’m talking early-20s young) who attended sat and drank with me during the after-Hash activities. I’ve discerned that they are both freelancing to help pay their school expenses. Hell, I’ve been known to help out a gal in need. Plus, I was drunk and horny. I left it up to them to decide who’d leave with me; they got up and consulted out of earshot, then returned and announced they were up for a 3-some. Did I mention I was drunk and horny? Let’s go! I responded.
Now, given my lack-of-water-at-home situation, I already had a hotel room booked (I will NOT be bringing hookers to my house) at Treasure Island. When we arrived, I asked if they were hungry, and of course, they were. So was I, though, so we ordered up some food. Over the course of the meal, I sobered up enough to ask myself, “What the fuck are you thinking?” I didn’t have a good answer to that, so I told the ladies that I had changed my mind. I gave them each 500 pesos and walked back home.
As I briefly mentioned yesterday, it has been a crazy past few days here in the Philippines. Here’s the lowdown:
Friday night I did a “do-over” date with Malissa. She had expressed remorse and regret for allowing the memory of past relationship failures to prevent her from being open and responsive to my overtures. I in turn realized that I’m also carrying around the baggage of my many disappointments in the love realm and that contributed to my bailing out at the first sign of trouble. Will we get it right this time? Who knows. I’m going to be 63 next month though and I just want to enjoy each day the best I can. And one of the things I enjoy is having a warm body to snuggle with. That’s enough for now.
I woke up to pounding rain on Saturday morning. That’s not unusual, but this was different in that the rain was accompanied by strong gusty winds. Rendered umbrellas useless as the falling water was coming in sideways. In the afternoon my lights started flickering and I figured I was in for a power outage. And I was right about that. I had the security guys call the power company and was hopeful that the lights would be on when I came home from darts Saturday night. I was happy to see the lit houses as I entered the subdivision. But then I turned the corner and saw my place, black as the night. I kinda sorta thought the outage may have been a loose connection to my house, given how the power was intermittent before finally going out altogether. I was right as rain about that. So, it was a dark night at home, no aircon and no internet. I know now which one I can’t live without! I’m an internet junkie!
So I figured nothing could be worse than Saturday’s storm and I was glad to see the clouds breaking up when I awoke on Sunday morning. They even got my power restored, although the internet didn’t come back. Oh well, things were looking up at least. And then Josie blew into town. That bitch was a typhoon! Made Saturday seem like a drizzle. And Josie brought along lots of thunder and lightning to accompany her downpours. Soon enough my lights went out again. Damn it!
I had seen my pal Jerry at darts on Saturday. He’s a fellow walking hobbyist as well and has been living here for the past 15 years or so. I told him the rain really sucked as it was preventing me from getting my steps in (I had a paltry 8,000 for the day). He told me that he’d decided to just fuck it all and walk regardless of the weather. Made me feel like a wimp it did. So, despite Josie’s fury, I set about walking on Sunday. This is what I saw:
Right at the entrance to my subdivision I was able to ascertain why I had lost power. This was taken on Sunday morning, by Sunday night half of the house at the top of the hill was at the bottom. (as you can see in the picture I posted yesterday)
This is one of my regular waking paths, but on this day it was a river. Gave it a pass naturally….
And it wasn’t just the side streets. National Highway was having it’s own flooding issues, which got much worse as the day went on.
I was supposed to meet Marissa for breakfast but she was a no show. I gave her a call to see what was up and she sent me a photo of her apartment:
Damn. Best excuse for a broken date ever!
She also took this photo of the rescue raft passing by her place. She chose not evacuate and later regretted it. She wound up staying in the 2nd floor apartment of her neighbor.
Speaking of rescue, my domestic helper Tere was spending her day off in Olongapo City. I was surprised when she returned home in the early afternoon. Turns out she had to be evacuated from wherever it was she was with ropes! Yikes!
And even looking out at the bay gave me a sinking feeling…
Anyway, you get the idea. It was not a good day for many, many people. As for me, well, I’m king of the hill and all that. But even King’s lose their power (and internet) and I couldn’t bear facing another night at Casa Rosenda without them. So, I decided to sleep at the Pub.
The restaurant next door is run by a friendly Korean guy.
Well, I should have done my blogging before I went out for a few celebratory beers. By the time I came back to the room and settled in to give my faithful reader(s) an update, the power in Barretto went out as well. Oh the irony! Of course, the Pub Hotel does have a generator so the lights and aircon were back on in just a few minutes, but alas, no internet.
Me too, honey, me too.
So, here it is today. Power on but I can’t access my internet here (still). Although my wifi router is putting out a signal, my network is not appearing as an option. And I don’t have a password for the one that does appear. Someone is supposed to be out from CATV this afternoon to hook me up again. Savvy readers may wonder just how I’m composing this long ass post. Well, duh. I finally figured out how to turn my phone into a wifi hotspot. It’s amazing how three days of desperation will make you smart! Smarter anyway.
Meica from Alley Cats darts bar always inspires me with her t-shirt messages. I responded “are you talking about me?” She said, “no, of course not!” Sarcastically.
So now it is today and so far no rain to speak of, although rumor has it yet another storm is brewing. We shall see.
Took my Buddy out for a walk. He really gets excited at walk time now. He’s come a long way these past couple of weeks…
Saw a couple of the neighborhood kids as we walked about…
And enjoyed a “sunny” day, comparatively speaking anyway.
And I guess it could always be worse.
So, I’ll just Be Positive… (technically O+ just in case anyway in the emergency room should ask)
That just about brings you up to date I suppose. Will give you the weekly Hash update tomorrow. Rain or shine!
