Getting high in Korea

Posted on 01/April/2014 by John McCrarey

Yesterday I got high and then I got lost. Sort of.

It all started innocently enough. I was enjoying my morning coffee when Jee Yeun exclaimed “let’s go to the mountain!” By mountain she was of course referring to her favorite place to hike–Bukhansan National Park. I wasn’t exactly feeling it, but Jee Yeun had indulged me several hours of darts on Sunday so I figured it was wise to pretend to be enthusiastic. So off we went.

It was about 10:00 a.m. when we reached our bus stop and the place was crawling with college-age kids. The first bus to arrive was packed tighter than a can of sardines and I said “bullshit on this, you wanted to exercise, let’s walk!” Which we did, at least as far as the next bus stop. Jee Yeun had reminded me just how long the walk would be so I agreed to wait and see whether the next bus was filled beyond reasonable capacity. It was. But after consulting the bus schedule Jee said all of these are going to the university (she didn’t say which one). She assured me that the bus we needed (the 110B) would not be crowded. And she was 100% correct! Just a few old folks dressed for a morning mountain hike. I sadly noted to myself just how much I fit in with these elderly types.

Anyway, we arrived at our destination and began our climb. This time I insisted we take a new path, as I was tired of the same one Jee Yeun preferred on each of our previous several visits. I soon regretted not bringing along my camera. The trees were in early flowering mode and there were several new and interesting vistas along the way. And this trail took us straight to the top! It’s the highest I’ve been in Korea (not counting my driving over Seroksan).

It was a tough climb and actually a little scary in places. The footing was often difficult and in one place they had even secured ropes as a hand hold to assist in the prevention of plunging to serious injury or death at the bottom of the cliff. It wasn’t the fall I was worried about, it was the sudden stop! I was glad for my walking stick and the thought occurred that I ought to invest in some actual hiking boots.

After traversing the crest line trail for the better part of an hour, we began looking for a way back down to the place where we had started from. Which as it turns out was on the other side of the mountain. Not being one to back track (and not wanting to rely on ropes again to stay on the path) I decreed we’d take the first likely trail to down to wherever it led and taxi home from there if necessary. That didn’t really go exactly as planned.

After a good long generally downward hike we did find an exit from the national park. Which put us smack dab in the middle of an upscale residential area. Well, upscale doesn’t do it justice. These houses, or more aptly, mansions, were pert near the largest most opulent homes I’ve seen anywhere–including Beverly Hills. Pyungchang-dong I guess neighborhood is called. Again, I wish I’d had my camera! We followed a meandering street for a good bit seeing nothing that looked like the Korea I know. We eventually encountered some folk out for a walk and Jee Yeun asked where we might catch a bus. Now, I’m language challenged, but I can read expressions. And these were saying they’d never considered such a question. They vaguely pointed down the road and off we walked. And walked. And walked. Damn, who knew there were so many incredibly rich people in one place.

I finally spied some high rise apartments in the distance so we made for them. It took awhile though because the road was neither straight nor narrow. Eventually a cab stopped for us (I guess we were a bit of spectacle with our shabby attire and walking sticks). And so we finally made it back to the familiar environs of Gireum-dong in time for me to rest up for dart league.

And I was high again after turning in an 11-1 performance (regular readers may recall I went 1-8 the week before). And I drank a lot of beer as well.

An adventure filled day to be sure!

Climb every mountain

Posted on 21/March/2014 by John McCrarey

Alright, maybe not every mountain. But we did climb the one across the street from our apartment. Let’s tell the tale through pictures and save those thousand words for another day.

Our uphill journey begins on this narrow but steep residential street…

the street ended, but not our climb as these wooden stairs (and Jee Yeun) beckoned me onward and upward…

…looking back from whence I came.
The steps were many and my heart was pounding in anticipation. Or something.

A portion of our path…

A resting place along the way…

At the summit I declare “thar be our apartment building”. We’ve come a long way baby!

I must say that I’m always impressed with how much thought and effort the Koreans put into these urban oasis’. Jee Yeun reclines on a comfortable bench. All she needs now is something good to read…

…and I’ll be damned if they didn’t think of that too! Seriously, this is something I’ve never seen before. I don’t expect those books would last a day in the states though…

Another view of the city from our perch on high…

Jee Yeun works out at one of the several exercise spots set up along the trail…

I’m fairly certain that this sign says something along the lines of “beware of evil pine trees and their scented cones that will mesmerize your children in Pied Piper fashion”. Or maybe it doesn’t.

At yet another exercise way station I can’t resist climbing aboard this contraption. It was actually kind of fun…

We decided to take a different path down to see what we might see…

And lo and behold we came across this little Buddhist temple…

Heading back to our high rise apartment I told Jee Yeun I’d like to live in a house like this. She just gave me that look I’ve come to understand as meaning “you don’t have a clue, do you?”

And finally, if you’ve ever wanted to see a Korean elementary school, now you have.

It was a good day and a nice hike.

The way things are…

Posted on 16/March/2014 by John McCrarey

…thus far.

Still not acclimated to the time reversal if waking up at 0500 this morning is any indication. No worries, I’ll get adjusted. It’s not like I have to get up and go to work or anything.

Our luggage finally made it in from Detroit late last night. It’s good to have my darts back.

On Friday night I played with borrowed darts and managed a second place finish. The amazing thing about that is I was quite a bit drunker than I tend to get. I’m not really clear on why, maybe the alcohol content of Cass is higher than the light-ass beer I normally drink. I know it has lots more calories. Of course, in the USA I am always cognizant of the impending drive home so I tend to monitor my consumption pretty closely. I honestly don’t know how much I drank Friday, but it was enough to leave me hungover. Which is really not my style.

I stayed close to home on Saturday. Wasn’t feeling up for the St. Paddy’s day crowds in Itaewon. Did spend over W200,000 on groceries at the D.C market. So, doing the low-carb thing is a tad more difficult but I’m making the effort to stick as close to the plan as I am able. For example, I didn’t buy cereal, bread or sweet goodies like I used to do. I’m also resolved to take the stairs in the subway stations to incorporate a little extra exercise into my daily routine. Man oh man, the stairs coming out of Itaewon station are a bitch!

What else? I was disappointed that my smart phone could not be unlocked. For now I am stuck with my ancient phone that has no bells and/or whistles. It also does not appear to be holding a charge, so I’m going to have to see about a battery I suppose. If they even still make one that fits my brand of dinosaur.

Meeting an old work friend for lunch this afternoon and then I’ll mosey over to Dillinger’s Bar for some darts practice. I’ll be playing with a Dillinger’s team for the remainder of the dart league season, so I hope to bring a respectable game with me. I’ll be back in the thick of the action tomorrow night.

I was frankly amazed at how much different Itaewon seems after my 13 month absence. Some old familiar buildings have been torn down (Nashville!), some of my old bar hangouts have closed or changed owners, and the number of familiar faces I saw at Dolce Vita was a lot less than I remember. Well, I reckon after a few months the new faces will look familiar enough. For now I guess I’ll be the new old guy.

To the pictures!

I have the good fortune to live right on top of the subway station. It’s a 40 minute ride into Itaewon though. Or a W20,000 cab ride home late at night (as we did Friday, er, Saturday morning).

Jee Yeun always gets a vending machine coffee to enjoy on our way into Itaewon. Bless her heart.

Changing our dollars into Won. 1068 was the going rate on Friday, not particularly good but I’ve seen it a lot lower.

The mean main street of Itaewon…

My first frosty mug of OB lager in over a year. Nice-ah! (I just need to remember to enjoy them in moderation!)

A larger than usual turnout for the Friday blind draw at Dolce Vita.

The highlight of the night was connecting with my old Canadian friend Craig “the Goat”. He left Korea a year or so before I retired, and moved back here last spring. It was his birthday Friday and as fate would have it we drew up as partners in the tourney. Now maybe if I’d had my own darts or maybe had I stayed slightly more sober, we’d have done better than second place. Still, it was a great time!

Like it or not, there will be lots more to come in the continuing saga of my life in Korea!

Glory days

Posted on 27/February/2014 by John McCrarey

When I was a freshman in high school I ran on the cross country team. Back then, the course was two miles long (by the time my kids competed it was 3 miles). I was not the top runner on the team by far, but my best time of 10.56 minutes was fairly respectable, especially for a 9th grader. Our star varsity runner was somewhere in the mid-nine minute range. So, I think it is fair to say I had potential and I did work hard, never missing practice and the like.

So, it was pretty shocking when near the end of the season Coach Hedges told me get a haircut or I was off the team. The truth of the matter is that my hair was not even that long (certainly not over my ears or in my eyes or anything). And what I found especially irksome was my hair was every bit as short as the aforementioned star varsity player. I mentioned that fact to the coach and then I was off the team. And thus began my rebellious phase.

I mention this now after all these years because I didn’t realize at the time that my Constitutional rights had been violated. The 7th Circuit Court says a short hair requirement for boys that doesn’t apply to girls is a violation of the equal protection clause and constitutes sex discrimination.

I just figured Coach Hedges was an asshole. Instead, I was a victim of government oppression and didn’t even know it. No big deal, just one of those bumps along the road of life that cause a change of direction. But of course, that changes everything.

Hat Tip: Althouse

A third world experience

Posted on 19/February/2014 by John McCrarey

It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of big government, but I do recognize that there are certain services that we must rely on Uncle Sam to provide. Is it asking too much that the government endeavor to accomplish these necessary tasks with at least a modicum of competence?

My latest encounter with the federal bureaucracy in the form of the IRS nearly caused my head to explode. Today I had the misfortune to visit the “taxpayer assistance office” located in the Strom Thurmond Federal Building in beautiful downtown Columbia. And why pray tell did this taxpayer require assistance? Because of the sluggards who reside within the offices at USCIS. I won’t recount the sordid details of those travails again (if you are so inclined you can read about it here and here and here), suffice to say that because my wife’s application for permanent residency (green card) has been inexplicably delayed (or in government speak “outside normal processing time”) I’ve got some hurdles to jump prior to filing my income taxes.

You see, I can’t claim Jee Yeun as a dependent exemption on my 1040 until she has an SSN. And she can’t get an SSN until she receives her green card. Luckily, the IRS has a solution: I can file a W-7 form with my tax return and she will be assigned an ITIN (individual taxpayer identification number). Ah, if it were only that simple. For when you file the W-7 in the aforementioned fashion you must also send acceptable documentation of identity, which in Jee Yeun’s case is her passport. No worries, IRS says the passport will be returned in 90 days or so (yeah, I’ve heard THAT promise before). Being the unflagging optimist that I am, I fully expect we will be back in Korea long before then. So we are going to need that passport.

This morning I called the local IRS office and reached a recording that advised they don’t answer questions over the phone. The recording also helpfully advised that I could find my answers at www.IRS.gov or I could visit the Taxpayer Assistance Office in person, “no appointment necessary”. I dutifully went to the IRS website and did find my answer: I could bring the documentation and W-7 to my local Taxpayer Assistance Office for processing. So we loaded into the car and headed downtown.

The Federal Building is an eight story monstrosity housing the entire alphabet soup of government agencies. And guess what? They offer zero public parking! After circling around a couple of times I finally scored a metered spot a few blocks away. I fed the meter a couple of quarters which bought me an hour on the street (told you I was an optimist). Fortunately, it was a beautiful day and Jee Yeun and I walked hand-in-hand to our destination. In true Buddhist fashion, Jee Yeun commented on how pleasant it was to be out walking down the street like we do in Seoul (I’ve always admired her positive outlook in life). Upon entering the building the Federal Protective Service guards asked for ID. My driver’s license sufficed, but the guard spent several minutes perusing Jee Yeun’s passport. He finally asked “where is the visa?” I momentarily pictured him calling upstairs to get INS on the case, but he reluctantly accepted my assertion that the green card was pending. Going through security was just like the airport (no shoes, hats, belts or jewelry) but with less friendly agents. Imagine that!

Having successful navigated the x-ray machine (and a bizarrely thorough search of Jee Yeun’s purse) we took the elevator up to the sixth floor offices of the IRS. Where we encountered a line extending out the door of the Taxpayer Assistance Office. To say that the line moved slower than a glacier would make me appear to be a global warming denier (which I am, but that’s another story). Thirty minutes later I was still outside the door but I could peer inside and observe 20 or so disgruntled patrons of the IRS waiting for assistance. Apparently, the line I was in was to get a number to be served in turn, but I did not see anyone handing out said numbers. I did overhear one of the “lucky” people in the room say they had been waiting for four hours. To pass the time and to overcome my foreboding upon reading a sign that said “Due to staffing limitations this office can only receive payments and provide transcripts”, neither of which I came to do, I called the IRS 800 number. My phone call was put on hold for the “next available agent” and I played a game in my mind about who would actually speak to me first–the seemingly non-existent bureaucrat in the office or the faceless one on the phone.

Thirty more minutes go by and then a frumpy disinterested woman appeared from behind the glass wall (I had observed her listlessly looking at her computer monitor for some time) and announced “we will not be giving out any additional numbers today, and because of staffing shortages some of you with numbers may not be served”. It became clear to me why the security procedures were so severe and necessary. The disgruntled taxpayers had now become angry taxpayers. I told the frumpy employee that I needed to file a W-7 and she responded that I could send it in with my tax form. As I was explaining that I could not part with my passport, she turned to the angry crowd and told them harshly to “quiet down!” Returning her attention to me, I told her the IRS webpage said I could file the W-7 at the Taxpayer Assistance Office. She then advised me that they were “not staffed” to do that in this office. I asked who was staffed to do so and she suggested I try going to Charlotte, NC.

About this time I made it through the phone queue where a friendly gentlemen confirmed the fact that Charlotte (100 miles distant) was the nearest office that could accept my W-7. I thanked him for the website not mentioning that critical fact but the sarcasm seemed lost on him.

The day was not a complete cluster fuck however, for despite my parking meter having long since expired, I had not been given a parking ticket. So there’s that.

Jee Yeun never directly criticizes America, bless her heart. On the drive home she simply mentioned that during the busiest times at the Korean tax office, she never waited more than 20 minutes to be served. She said in Korea government workers are smart and efficient and want to help you. And they hire enough people to do the job. I said “yes dear, everything works better in Korea”. And I meant it.

Not only is the United States broke, it is broken. That makes me sad. And angry.

Two things I haven’t done this year

Posted on 09/January/2014 by John McCrarey

1. I have not posted anything here on the blog.

2. I haven’t smoked a cigarette.

So, I guess technically speaking there is now only one thing I haven’t done this year. Of those two at least. And I can live without ever smoking again. Which is actually the point of quitting, right?

I’m not going to say it’s been easy. Although truth be told quitting is easy. It’s the staying quit that’s the hard part. But I’m chock full of good intentions this time. I still get the urge to smoke of course, especially when I’m alone or with somebody. Ha ha, I love my sense of humor! But seriously, there are moments when I really want to inhale some nicotine. Like while I’m writing this post. Or when I’m playing darts. And so when I’m feeling an overwhelming need, I reach out to my new best friend for comfort:

Is that cheating? Who cares? Yes, it’s a nicotine fix. But it ain’t the nicotine that is scarring my lungs. And it’s really just a crutch until I can walk away completely on my own. And I’m getting there.

Speaking of walking, I’ve rededicated myself to six hours a week on the treadmill. So far, so good. It’s just been a few days but I do feel better already. I do the treadmill in the morning and an hour of darts practice in the afternoon. Usually with a nap in between. It’s a pretty sweet routine.

In other news, I did my first dart tourney of the year this past weekend up in Charlotte. I threw better than I usually do, and even managed to to finish in the money.

With my partner J.R. we managed a Top 8 finish in 501 and a Top 4 finish in Cricket.

And that’s about all I’ve got to say about 2014. At least so far. It did start well though.

I’m wearing my bomber jacket! Ready for Itaewon!

Happy New Year!

We’ll make heaven a place on Earth

Posted on 20/December/2013 by John McCrarey

Came across this mind boggling and thought provoking article that claims we are moving closer to having the capability to map a human brain to the extent that a person could live on in a “virtual” world after the mortal body has turned to dust.

Imagine a future in which your mind never dies. When your body begins to fail, a machine scans your brain in enough detail to capture its unique wiring. A computer system uses that data to simulate your brain. It won’t need to replicate every last detail. Like the phonograph, it will strip away the irrelevant physical structures, leaving only the essence of the patterns. And then there is a second you, with your memories, your emotions, your way of thinking and making decisions, translated onto computer hardware as easily as we copy a text file these days.

That second version of you could live in a simulated world and hardly know the difference. You could walk around a simulated city street, feel a cool breeze, eat at a café, talk to other simulated people, play games, watch movies, enjoy yourself. Pain and disease would be programmed out of existence. If you’re still interested in the world outside your simulated playground, you could Skype yourself into board meetings or family Christmas dinners.

The author goes on to make the case that actual creation of this technology is not necessarily a good thing, noting that the moral and societal implications of implementation will “transform humanity in ways that are more disturbing than helpful.” I guess I can see the downsides, but given my lack of faith in any form of afterlife, I’d probably be inclined to accept immortality wherever I might find it. Of course, that might be it’s own kind of hell. I’m reminded of a story I read back in the 1970s entitled “I have eternal life and it’s killing me”.

Speaking of virtual worlds, of late I’ve been crafting a rather detailed fantasy life in my mind. Yeah, I’ve got too much time on my hands I suppose. But really, I just use these fantasies as a sleep aid. A detailed version of counting sheep if you will. I won’t bore you with the details of that world, although I’m young, handsome, and have the benefit of 20-20 hindsight. So yeah, I avoid all the mistakes I’ve made along the way in my real life and do things like invest in start-up companies with odd names like Microsoft and Apple. Anyway, I imagine novelists go through similar exercises as they craft their stories and create fictional characters to populate those worlds. Which is to say I don’t think I’ve gone totally off the rails.

So that’s how I kind of imagine what a virtual afterlife might look like. What do you think? Do you prefer the great unknown of death or would you rather have a computerized version of yourself live on through infinity?

This little piggy went to the market

Posted on 22/November/2013 by John McCrarey

In this exciting episode of The Adventures of LTG we go grocery shopping!

Finding the larder at the Little House on the McCrarey was in a seriously depleted mode, the wife and I took to the highway for some hunting and gathering. First stop was the Korean market.

Jee Yeun’s home away from home.

It seemed we needed just about everything they sold.

One hundred fifty dollars later we loaded our burden up and carted it out.

Although two large jars of Kimchi may seem excessive, that’s only a one month supply for Jee Yeun. One radish, one cabbage.

We also scored us a nice thick slab of samgyapsal.

Bringing home the bacon!

Having taken care of the Korean specialty foods, it was off to the American supermarket for the rest of our necessities. Now, I’m a Publix kind of guy, but Jee Yeun wanted to score some galbi and Bi-Lo is the only store in town that slices short ribs in a proper Korean fashion.

In addition to our standard grocery list, I picked up the ingredients for my Aunt Pat’s recipe fruit salad, my contribution to the family Thanksgiving feast next week.

Having loaded the shopping cart to near capacity, it was time to check out. Now, I’m not going to rant about it (much) but one thing that I find irksome about the American shopping experience is that stores are going big on this “self checkout” system. As a matter of principle I refuse to ring up my own groceries. But the bastards make you suffer for your insolence by only manning the bare minimum of cashier operated checkouts. Today they had two lanes open and one of those was for fifteen items or less. One person was in the 15 item line, and there were several in the regular lane. So, a manager walks by and observes my frustration and directs me to the short line, despite the fact that I was several times over the stated maximum for items.

I sensed there would be trouble, but I followed the manager’s instructions. The customer in front of me was an older (than me) woman with two items that had already been rung up. So, we proceeded to load the conveyer belt to overflowing with our 100+ items. And waited. And waited. I’m not sure what was going on, but the woman was fumbling around in her purse for what seemed like an entirety. I guess she was looking for her Bi-Lo discount card. Finally, the cashier tried to look her up in the system without success. And then a discussion ensued as to whether the purchased items were even eligible for a discount. The woman finally decided that she would pay, and proceeded to count out the correct amount at a pace that seemed to make my head want to explode. And I’m talking about the bills. When she went rummaging for her change purse and then started counting out each individual coin I was reduced to reciting the serenity prayer repeatedly. To no apparent effect. Meanwhile, customers with 15 or fewer items were coming up, looking at our pile, and giving me the evil eye. I know what they were thinking, because lord knows, I’ve had those same thoughts when I was on the wrong side of a misbehaving customers. When you don’t follow the rules established for the grocery checkout the very fabric that binds society together begins to unravel. Yeah, there was definitely murder in the hearts of some Bi-Lo customers today.

But here’s the kicker. When the old woman was finally done with her transaction, she turned to me and said “I thought this line was for 15 items or less!” Now, I might have just ignored the comment, but then the checker said “yeah, I know.” So I remained relatively calm but gruffly pointed out that I had been directed to this line by the store manager. They both then professed to have only been “joking”. Yeah. Ha ha. Good one.

Anyway, as my purchases were rang up I had to do my own bagging (another downside of the 15 item line). I had bought two bottles of wine on sale and the cashier said if I buy four I get another 10% off, plus a nifty little carry sack. So, I sent Jee Yeun running for two more. As she placed the wine in the nifty little carry sack the cashier asked “now will you smile?” So, I mustered up my best fake smile ever and rolled on out of there.

And to think that some people believe retired life must be boring!

A working class hero is something to be

Posted on 31/October/2013 by John McCrarey

From the gallery of Trevor King.

Amongst my admittedly small social circle are several folks whose career path has led them to join the ranks of academia as university professors. I’m sorry to admit I know little of their individual journeys and the challenges they faced and overcame along the way. So I really appreciated this post written by Dr. Colby King, recently ensconced at Bridgewater State University in Massachusetts. I’ve always had a great deal of respect for Colby, especially because he is one of my few left-of-center friends who is willing to actually engage in a serious discussion of some of the issues facing our nation. We rarely reach agreement but we do find on occasion some common ground or at least mutual understanding of our respective viewpoints. Most importantly, I always learn something new and for that he earns my gratitude. My respect and understanding were greatly enhanced after learning more about his personal story. I encourage you to give it a read.

Being the selfish bastard that I am, Colby’s story set me to thinking of my own. I grew up in an upper middle class area of Orange County, California. But our family was definitely working class. My father was managing a fast food restaurant when I was born. After a McDonald’s opened across the street from his store, “The Rite Spot”, there was a futile burger war (it’s hard to undercut a 15 cent hamburger) and my father moved on to driving a truck in route sales. My mother supplemented the family income first as a carhop and later working the night shift in a factory.

We always had food on the table (lots of fried chicken and ground beef). We had a roof over our heads (a rented roof of a 1940s era house surrounded by fancy new subdivisions). And we had clothes on our backs (in my case usually hand-me-downs). So we weren’t “poor” in the classic sense of the word, but comparatively speaking we were amongst the poorest people in our community.

Kids can be cruel, and they were at times. I recall classmates mocking “the shack” in which we lived. And since my clothes were functional but not fashionable (and cleaned at the local laundromat) I took some heat for that too. One painful memory from sixth grade was the day I wore some shoes my uncle brought home from the store where he worked. They were a little too large for me, but they were new. And I guess maybe they didn’t really go that well with the blue jeans I invariably wore to school. Anyway, we were lining up for class and all the other kids pointed at my shoes and started laughing uproariously. The teacher came out to see what all the commotion was, took a look at my shoes, and laughed too. Needless to say, that was the first and last time I wore those shoes. They looked something like this:

A painful memory. Looking back on it now, maybe I would have laughed too.

Then there was the 7th grade math teacher (Mr. Peter Boothroyd the bastard) who found it appropriate to discipline misbehavior in his class by announcing “keep it up McCrarey and you’ll wind up like your father–selling Jello out of a truck.” Suffice to say, by the time I finished high school I had developed a pretty healthy inferiority complex. Which I self-medicated with copious amounts of pot smoking.

I floundered around some after graduation, taking a few classes at the community college but mostly just getting high and doing whatever minimum wage gigs I could find. My daughter was born one week after I turned 20 and that kicked in a new found sense of responsibility. So, I found a job in route sales (fuck you Boothroyd!) and actually did pretty well at it. I took the Postal Service entrance exam and after a couple of years was hired as a letter carrier. I was finally on my way!

I subsequently added a son to my family, transferred to Prescott, Arizona, and bought my first house. I was living the American dream and was content to spend the rest of my life carrying mail and enjoying what for me was the best life I had known. Then the marriage fell apart and I wound up with custody of both kids. I started dating a grad student (I wrote about her in some detail here) and hanging out with her college professor friends at Northern Arizona University. And probably for the first time in my life I started to realize that these people I admired were not better, or necessarily smarter, than me–just more educated. So, it was back to the local community college for me!

The grad student relationship ended badly and left me pretty much emotionally devastated. Being a single father was more than I could handle, so I transferred to Oklahoma (technically Fort Smith, Arkansas) so my mom could lend me a hand with the kids. I was still delivering mail, but now I was doing it in stifling summer humidity and winter ice. Made the job a lot less appealing! Worst of all it was not mentally engaging. As I carried my mail route I’d imagine doing things that I’d actually like to be doing. And suddenly, I’d have completed my rounds and not recalled actually having done so. I was just in automatic mode, mental masturbation if you will. So, I realized that I needed to make a change in my life, but had no idea what exactly to do.

One perk of being a mailman (especially a single mailman) is that you tend to meet a lot of women along the route. One of these was Iris Breed, the Director of the Fort Smith Girls Club. One of the smartest people I’ve had the good fortune to meet on this road we call life. We began dating and I shared with her my general dissatisfaction with the malaise of my career. She said why don’t you take a management job? Well. I mean, who’d want a guy like me on the management team? Besides, I was the union steward. Working in management was against everything I stood for! But she continued to encourage me and pointed out that the only thing I truly lacked in life was the confidence to pursue my goals. So, when a job came open to manage the safety program I applied. I knew nothing about safety management, but at least I felt like I could continue to support the rank and file from inside the beast.

Bobbie McLane was the Human Resources director and I had met her often when I dealt with her on union issues. I guess she liked how I handled myself in those meetings because she took a leap and actually hired me. And sent to the USPS Management Academy in Potomac, MD for several weeks so I could actually learn how to do the job. I’m forever grateful to her for giving me that chance to be more than what I had been. But the rest was up to me.

And I did alright I guess. I was promoted to a labor relations position in Columbia, SC. I went back to school (at an actual university–Go ‘Cocks!) and finally earned my bachelor’s degree in 1991 (at the tender age of 35). After that, more promotions found me in D.C. where I took advantage of a management development program and graduate degree studies. Thirty-four years after first putting on that letter carrier uniform I retired as GS-15 Director of Human Resources for the United States Forces Korea.

What a ride it was! I had some luck along the way. And help and encouragement from people that saw in me things I didn’t see in myself. But ultimately, it was up to me to overcome my self-imposed limitations and find a way to achieve my potential. Being from a working class background made that more of a challenge I suppose, but I’d argue that it wasn’t really society that put me in the box. It just took some time to understand that no one can define who you are or what you can be, unless you give them that power. Which sounds pretty simple when I write it now. But learning that proved to be my life’s greatest achievement.

Glory days

Posted on 19/October/2013 by John McCrarey

So today I attended the induction ceremony as my daughter was enshrined in the Pelion High School Hall of Fame. Yep, she was quite the athlete. Lettered in basketball as an 8th grader, was the South Carolina 800m champion in track, and excelled in cross country. She still holds most of the female records in those sports twenty years after graduation. She was honored to be honored and it made her daddy proud to boot.

Brought back some memories as well. I recall my motivational speech before the State Track meet. I told her if she won the championship I’d buy her a new car. I admit I figured it was a pretty safe bet since she had a lot of long legged competition. But I wound up buying the car.

She was aggressive as hell on the basketball court too. She’s only 5’5″ and most of the girls she played against had a few inches on her. But she didn’t take no shit from anyone, driving the ball to the basket over, around, and when necessary, through her opponents. Once she had gotten into foul trouble so was sitting the bench. Towards the end of the game I heard her pleading with the coach “Put me back in! I’ve got one more foul left. I want to use it!”

That’s my girl.

Puking with the stars

Posted on 07/September/2013 by John McCrarey

The Big Hominid recounts a recent brush with fame, which set me to thinking about the only celebrity encounter I experienced, at least that I can recall.

It was sometime in 1979 or so, back when I was residing in the lovely city of Prescott, Arizona. My wife from that era was working at a local dining establishment and I came in and sat at the bar while I waited for her shift to end. I hadn’t really noticed the gentleman sitting on the bar stool next to me until some female patrons approached and asked him for an autograph. After he obliged I guess he noticed me looking at him trying to figure out who in the fuck he was. He smiled, offered his hand, and introduced himself as “Jan”. To be honest, the name didn’t ring a bell but the face was somewhat familiar.

Anyway, we began to chat. He was in town attending some sessions at a nearby gun school. I don’t recall if he said this was preparation for a movie role or if he just liked guns. As we talked periodically someone would recognize him and come up to meet him. He was always gracious, but I could tell he found it somewhat irksome. About this time my wife appeared and judging by her giddiness I guess she recognized him too. As we were preparing to leave I asked if he’d like to join us. I was mostly just being polite so I was a little taken aback when he said “I sure would!” I don’t recall now where we intended to actually go, but it was likely one of the dives we liked on Whiskey Row.

As it turns out we didn’t make it far. Once we got into my vehicle (an older but rugged Toyota LandCruiser), Jan asked if we’d like to smoke a joint before we left. I was a big pot smoker back in those days so naturally I answered in the affirmative. Damn, it was some good shit. In fact, it may have been laced with something, because I got real wasted real quick. And then he pulled out a tin of cocaine! I did a snort or two of that and the next thing I remember I was leaning out the car door puking my guts out.

I’m pretty sure Jan found my lightweight antics equally disturbing and disgusting. Suffice to say he changed his mind about joining us, quickly said his goodbyes and left.

And so ended my chance encounter with the B-list celebrity Jan Michael Vincent.

Thanks for reminding me of that night Kevin Kim!

Leggo my logo!

Posted on 24/August/2013 by John McCrarey

Fans of LTG will recall that I’ve been working hard to bring the sport of darts back to Columbia in a big way. Well, truth be told even a small revitalization will be a helluva lot more than we have. With either of those ends in minds, we recently founded the Columbia Area Darts Association, or as the lazy amongst us affectionately call it, CADA.

Knowing that taking care of the important details is the first step on the road to success, I undertook the effort of having a logo designed. Lacking any relevant and necessary skills to complete such a project, I did the next best thing: I asked for bids at a website called DesignQuote.net.

Most of the bids were ridiculously expensive, but two came back with quotes that were comparatively reasonable. Unable to decide who to pick, I set them both to work. A little design competition if you will. Now, I already had a concept in mind. Back in those heady days of the 1980s when darts actually existed in Columbia the organization used this:

Old school graphic design. Ugly, but functional I suppose

I actually think it’s pretty damn awful. Still, Columbia is a fine city and all, but when it comes to recognizable landmarks, it’s tough to beat the State House. I just needed to pretty it up some. Here’s what I sent my designers as a starting point:

Hey, don’t laugh! I told you I had absolutely zero talent as an artist…

What the State House actually looks like:

Right smack dab in the middle of Downtown Columbia

So, the first designer offered me this:

Well, I guess you could say it is what I asked for, but it really wasn’t what I wanted. Know what I mean?

With the State House in silhouette, it could be any damn building. It was just not the “distinctively Columbia” look I was going for.

So, designer number 2 came up with this rendition:

Ah, my vision becomes reality at last!

Alright, that’s more like it, don’t you think? Not perfect, but as we used to say in the Federal government, “it satisfices”.

Hey, speaking of logos, did I mention that CADA is now officially a member of the American Darts Organization (ADO). Well, we are. That’s the big time, baby!

We’ve only just begun, but we are on our way!

How we roll

Posted on 26/July/2013 by John McCrarey

Just the bare necessities, nothing more, nothing less!

Getting ready for a weekend away from home is like preparing for a mission to the moon!

A suitcase, three ice chests, a rice cooker, a coffee maker, a Korean portable cook stove, kitchen utensils and flatware, 2 laptop computers, 3 dart jerseys, and of course my primary and backup darts, flights, shafts, and accessories..

The menu:

Beef gogi
Homemade kimbop
Ramyeon
Rice
2 ribeye steaks (precooked)
2 hamburger patties (precooked)
2 polish sausage (precooked)
Pulled pork barbeque
Cole Slaw
Salad mix and dressing
Celery sticks and low sugar peanut butter (my sweet tooth indulgence)
String cheese
Mixed nuts
Coffee
Beer
Diet Coke
Water

Hopefully that gets us through the next 3 days and 2 nights!

Completing the circuit

Posted on 13/July/2013 by John McCrarey

Later today I’ll be heading up the highway to compete in the Charlotte Open dart tournament. Last year I made my debut in an American Darts Organization (ADO) sanctioned event at the Charlotte Open, so I’ve now come full circle. What a year of darts it has been! Indulge me while I take a little stroll down memory lane, will you?

($ indicates I managed to take home some money, * indicates multiple events at that venue, click on photos to enlarge)

July 2012

$ Charlotte Open, Charlotte, NC

I had a big thrill last year at the Charlotte Open making it to the finals in the Friday night blind draw and playing on the Championship Board. I had the good fortune of drawing John Liggett as a partner. And the misfortune of playing against two highly ranked players (Chuck Pankow and Robbie Phillips). Big time darts, big time fun!

$ State Street Pub, West Columbia, SC

They didn’t much like me winning their silly little tournament. Jee Yeun’s making sure the door didn’t hit me on the way out. I haven’t been back.

* Puddlin’ Duck, Columbia, SC (Pointless Dart League Champion)

The regulars at the Puddlin’ Duck for Wednesday night darts with the Pointless Dart League

August 2012

$* VFW, Aiken, SC (Friday night blind draw)

Except for the drive (an hour and 20 minutes from my house) the VFW is Aiken is always a great venue for good darts and good times. You can see how happy my partner David was to be taking home some money!

September 2012

Washington Area Open, Sterling, VA

Me and my buddy Duke teamed up without much success. We did manage to have a good time however.

October 2012

$ * Dolce Vita Pub, Seoul, Korea

Chris Werner and I walked away with some well deserved cash at the Supercricket tourney at Dolce Vita Pub

$ * Bull and Barrel, Seoul, Korea

Saturday nights were always hoppin’ at the newest dart venue in Itaewon–Bull and Barrel. Bridget Werner and I won a little towards our bar tab…

Dillinger’s Bar, Seoul, Korea (Itaewon 501 League)

Had a great time throwing in the Itaewon 501 singles league. Couldn’t do better than 3rd place, but I got lots of legs in along the way, had some great matches, drank me some beers, and maybe even improved my game a little bit.

$ Blue Frog, Seoul, Korea

Played one tourney here and tied (we opted to split 1st and 2nd place money rather than drunkenly play a best of 3 finals. Worst bar in Itaewon, I never went back.

November 2012

Seoul International Dart League (B Division Champions)

What the Bulls? takes the B division crown and then the playoff championship. A fine piece of work that was!

Xenis Bar, Songtan, Korea

December 2012

$ Korea Darts Federation tournament–had a classic battle with my nemesis and friend Alister Tarbett. I took the championship in the fifth and deciding leg and I have the video to prove it!

$ Seoul International Dart League end of season tournament

I had the extreme good fortune of drawing the pride of the Philippines, Stormin’ Norman as my partner. It was a sweet victory…

Sherlock Holmes Pub, Osaka, Japan

A visa run to Japan provided a great opportunity to throw with a friendly bunch in Osaka’s oldest dart bar…

January 2013

$ * Bull and Barrel, Seoul, Korea

Winding down my time in Korea with lots of darts (and my share of wins) with the good folks at Bull and Barrel…

February 2013

Scrooge Pub, Seoul, Korea, Dartaholics (SIDL “A” Division)

$ * Dolce Vita Pub, Seoul, Korea (Friday night blind draw)

One final Friday night with the gang at Dolce Vita before returning to the American phase of my life…

VFW Aiken, SC ADO Regional Qualifier (I didn’t qualify)

$ * Fishbowl Lounge, Augusta, GA

Fishbowl Lounge in Augusta is a friendly joint and has a Saturday night blind draw I’ve played a couple of times. That’s Bridget Werner shooting ’em up!

March 2013

$ Garden City Classic, Augusta, GA

Pleased as punch with a Top 16 finish in Augusta. Pathetic I know…

Virginia Beach Darts Classic, Virginia Beach, VA

Me and partner Duke Gates warming up in Virginia Beach. It didn’t go as well as we’d hoped, but the beer was cold and the company was great!

April 2013

New World Dart Series, Las Vegas, NV

My first event on the “pro tour” was pretty much a beat down, but I expected no less. My bracket included 3 time world champion John Part. I managed to win 18 of 45 legs played in the round robin.

One of the highlights of Las Vegas was running into an old Korea buddy, Tom Johnson. The other was getting married. Not necessarily in that order.

May 2013

$ First Break Bar, Sterling, VA

The Walrus and the Dragon were unstoppable in the Friday night blind draw at First Break.

$ Mighty Mike’s Bar, Sterling, VA

Some outstanding darters turned out for the Saturday draw at Mighty Mikes. I was happy to come away with second place money after some real dogfights…

Spring Fling Classic, Greenville, SC

Me and my buddy Justin Hayward (not the one from the Moody Blues) teamed up in Greenville and enjoyed an outstanding weekend of beer drinking and watching the ladies get crazy in the lounge. The darts? Oh well.

June 2013

$ Aiken Singles Series (ASS) League

Had a wonderful time throwing my ass off in the ASS league with a group of truly outstanding darters. I certainly was second best amongst them, so taking home second place money was a pleasant surprise!

Had a wonderful time throwing my ass off in the ASS league with a group of truly outstanding darters. I certainly was NOT second best amongst them, so taking home second place money was a pleasant surprise!

Lucky’s Tavern, Savannah, GA. I didn’t get lucky.

Friendly’s Bar, Savannah, GA. The folks were friendly enough, but they were bastards on the oche!

Piedmont Shootout, Winston-Salem, NC

Teamed up with James Mabie in Winston-Salem and threw some outstanding darts. In practice games. My inability to hit two key darts in two different events cost us a shot at the money. Well, at least I came away motivated to not let my head beat me next time.

July 2013

* Kwagga Sports Pub, Columbia, SC

Puddlin’ Duck was sold and our Wednesday night bar home is now called Kwagga. We’ve added some new faces and we are working hard to bring competitive darts back to Columbia big time!

So, there you have it. A year in the life of a darter. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t give a shout out to the person who makes it all possible, my biggest fan and supporter, Jee Yeun Lee McCrarey. Thanks baby!

Time Warner Cable and other things that suck

Posted on 16/June/2013 by John McCrarey

I recently cancelled my internet service with Time Warner. What started out as a $30 per month expense had escalated to $48 over the course of two years. My last bill indicated that my “promotional” rate was expiring so I tried to call and find out what the hell that was going to cost me. Several attempts resulted in a busy signal. Which was pretty aggravating to say the least. I mean, who doesn’t have an automated system to put you in the queue for an actual customer service rep?

Now, the cost of my satellite television with DirecTV had also risen to the point that I was paying $135 a month for a couple of hours of viewing each week (I spend as much or more time on Netflix). AT&T had been after me to sign up for their UVerse internet and television combination package for quite some time. Given my frustration with Time Warner’s unresponsiveness, I gave them a call. When I hung up I had secured an internet and television package at a comparatively bargain price of only $110 a month. Coincidentally, the amount I’m saving almost pays for the gouging I took from AT&T when I upgraded to smart phones.

Once I had the UVerse installed it was time to formally end my relationship with DirecTV and Time Warner. Bless their hearts, neither one wanted to see me go. I spent at least 30 minutes on the phone with each while they tried to talk me out of making the switch. And both offered to adjust my bill back down to the initial introductory rate (for six months anyway). And they both called back again the next day to once again plead their case for my staying on board. But it was too late, I had given my commitment to AT&T and we are destined to stay together for at least the next 12 months.

Anyway, the Time Warner cancellation was effective on June 3. I was told I would be receiving a $32 refund for the remainder of the billing cycle. Now, I have most of my bills set up for automatic deduction from my bank account which works out great while I’m out of the country for extended periods. I closed the bank account where the Time Warner deduction was drawn (and moved to a far less sucky banking institution). So, imagine my surprise when I received a notice in the mail from Time Warner indicating that on June 7 (four days after termination of the service) their attempt to bill my former bank $48 had been rejected. And here’s the perversely hilarious part–they added a $30 fee for the draft being denied. But wait, it gets even better. The bill looked something like this:

Monthly charge for internet $48 Rejection fee $30. Total $78. Minus the $32credit I had coming. Total due: $46.

I was livid and got right on the phone. And waited and waited waited for the customer service rep to become available. When she was I explained the fuck up. She told me she would have to transfer me to billing. So I waited some more. When billing got on the line I explained it all again. She seemed to understand and put me on hold while she discussed it with her supervisor. When she came back she advised I would have to be transferred to collections. And yep, I waited some more.

The collections guy was quite the prick. We argued on the phone for the better part of an hour. His position was that it was my fault for closing my bank account without notifying them. I responded with why were you billing me for a month of service several days after the account was closed? See, I’m pretty certain that when I signed up I paid a month in advance. So, when I made the payment on May 24 that carried me through to June 24. Which is why I was told I had a $32 credit coming. Mr. Collections Prick didn’t see it that way, but was unable to explain why I was billed for a full month on June 7. I held my tongue pretty much (the worst I said was “this is total bullshit” and that’s pretty amazing restraint on my part). It became apparent he was not going to be dissuaded from his position that I went from being owed money to owing money. So, I offered a compromise (this penny ante crap wasn’t worth the aggravation). I told him I would pay the $16 I didn’t owe, but I was not going to pay the $30 rejection fee.

Collections Prick responded “Time Warner will not waive the fee.” I told him good luck trying to collect it, because I won’t pay it under any circumstance. He said “That’s fine, then it will go on your credit report as an uncollected debt.” And that’s the point where the call mercifully ended.

Time Warner Cable sucks. Tomorrow I’ll be sending them a letter telling them they suck along with a check for $16. I’ll also let them know that my blog and Facebook page has duly noted their general suckiness as a warning to folks so they won’t have to find out the hard way like I did. And I’ll cc the South Carolina Consumer Affairs folks who regulate utilities like Time Warner ~~Cable~~ Sucks, for all the good I expect that do. And I’ll keep that letter on file to send to the credit reporting agencies should Time Warner ~~Cable~~ Sucks follow through on their threat.

Whew. Glad I got that off my chest. Hey speaking of things that suck, Value City Furniture pretty much sucks too. To be fair, I purchased my master bedroom suite (why is suite pronounced “suit” and why do they call it that anyway?) and my bar from them and I’ve been satisfied with those buys. So I needed a couple of side chairs for my dining room table and I went back to their showroom for a looksee. I wasn’t looking for anything fancy and I didn’t want to spend more than necessary and I found some on display that I liked. They were part of a five piece set (with table) on sale for $499. I asked how much for just two chairs and was told $125 each. I’m no math wizard but that seemed unnaturally high. Well, I guess I couldn’t expect the sale price if I wasn’t buying the set.

Anyway, I said fine, I’ll take these two. No, I was advised, those are only for display. We’ll have two sent over from the warehouse and you can pick them up in two days. Ok, fine. The deal was done and I returned on the appointed date to find a smallish box waiting for me. “There are two chairs in that box?” I asked incredulously. “Yes” I was told. Which was correct as far as it goes, but the truthful answer would have been “two unassembled chairs.” Now, if I buy cheap ass furniture from Target or Wal-Mart I expect I will have to put it together (this is especially easy to know because the display states prominently “assembly required”. I’ve never bought crap from an actual furniture store that I had to build myself. Which I did this afternoon. $125 per chair and two hours of my life I’ll never get back. That sucks.

And finally, this blog sucks. Longtime reader(s) are doubtlessly well aware of that fact. But I’m not talking about the writing this time. The blog itself isn’t functioning properly. For instance, I can’t load photos these days. And other strange things have been occurring as well. It just seems to be a general degradation in performance overall. Now way back in December 2004 soon after LTG was born, I switched from Blogspot to WordPress. And apparently I’ve never upgraded to the various iterations WordPress has gone through in the intervening years. I’m too ~~lazy~~ unqualified to do an upgrade by myself, so I opened a help ticket with my blog host BlogsAbout.com. I was one of their earliest customers and I got lots of TLC in the beginning from the actual founder of the company. They’ve apparently done amazingly well over the years. And now a little guy like can’t even get a response to my pleas for help over a week later. So, through the wonder of a Google search I’ve found another guy who says he can do the job. All I know is that he responded within 30 minutes of my request, he did a quick looksee, and said he can fix me up for $130. Apparently, my version of WordPress is so outdated he’ll have to go through several longish steps to get me up to speed. Here’s hoping I’ve exhausted my quota of sucky encounters.

It occurs to me that despite not speaking the language and being generally ignorant culturally, my life in Korea is so much easier than here. Things in Korea just don’t seem to suck nearly as much.

The wonderful world of Disney

Posted on 24/May/2013 by John McCrarey

Back home from my weekend jaunt to Walt Disney World in Florida and here are some random thoughts on the experience.

I am a Disney agnostic which sets me apart from the fanatics and haters. And me and Disney go way back. Disneyland in California opened a month before I was born, and I grew up living less than ten miles from the park. Back in those days you paid a small admission fee to enter the park and then paid for each ride individually. Or you could purchase a book of ride coupons called a “Valu-Pak”. The rides were all graded A-E, with A being the least popular (cheapest) and the best rides (Matterhorn Bobsleds, Jungle Cruise, etc.) requiring the much coveted “E ticket”. Now, my grandma worked as a housekeeper in a motel near Disneyland and the tourists would leave unused coupons as a tip (cheap bastards) when they checked out. Usually there were only crappy A and B tickets, but once in a while she’d bring home some books with some D’s and on a few joyous occasions we would score a magical E ticket. So, even though we were comparatively poor I’d visit the Magic Kingdom at least a couple of times a year. Hell, in high school Disneyland was was a great place to take your girl on a date. There was this nice sit down restaurant (with waiters and everything) inside Pirates of the Caribbean that never failed to impress, well I was gonna say impress the pants off a virgin, but that never happened. For me at least. I had more success in that regard going to the beach to watch the submarine races. But that’s another story.

Now that I’ve digressed, let me head off on a tangent. Mr. Boothroyd was my seventh grade math teacher. During the summers he was a “guide” on the Jungle Boat attraction at Disneyland (which he would brag about in class). For some unknown reason he disliked me. Well, to be completely honest back in the day I could be a bit of a smartass and my mouth earned me a paddling from more than one teacher. But it was different with Boothroyd. He would mock and humiliate me. We were a working class family in an upper middle class school district. And Boothroyd would actually make fun of my clothes in front of the rest of the class. I guess it was a tradition for him because he hated my older brother as well. My father was in route sales back then supplying packaged foods to catering houses, including salads and desserts. Boothroyd told my brother (again, in front of the whole class) if he didn’t study harder he’d grow up selling Jello out of a truck just like his dad. Bastard. To this day I can’t ride the Jungle Cruise without thinking of that prick. Ironically, just before I entered government service I was working in route sales supplying ready-made sandwiches to convenience stores. I did pretty well at it too.

But let’s get back to Disney World shall we? These days you buy a park pass (about $90 per day) and all the rides are included. The rides are mostly better and the lines longer than I remember. In addition to the Magic Kingdom, you can visit Epcot (my personal favorite) Disney’s Hollywood Studios, and the Animal Kingdom. These parks are surrounded by Disney owned hotels and resorts. In fact, the whole complex at some 47 square miles is larger than San Francisco and all privately owned by the Disney company.

Now, Walt Disney was a visionary and by most accounts a truly great American. I certainly admire him. But the Walt Disney World we visit today is decidedly not what he had in mind. The Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow (EPCOT) as conceived by Mr. Disney was to be a “community of the future” designed to stimulate American corporations to come up with new ideas for urban living. In describing his city, Walt Disney is quoted as saying: “EPCOT will take its cue from the new ideas and new technologies that are emerging from the forefront of American industry. It will be a community of tomorrow that will never be completed. It will always be showcasing and testing and demonstrating new materials and new systems.”

Alas, Walt Disney died while his dream city of tomorrow was still on the drawing board. After his death, the Disney Company scrapped his vision and went with the money making theme park/resort hotels concept. And you really can’t argue with success, today Disney World is the world’s top tourist destination and it provides employment for over 66,000 people.

But what really prompted this overly long post is this simple fact: it works. Although I had visited Disney World several times in the past, this was my first experience staying in a Disney resort and doing the package deal (including multi-day theme park tickets). What impressed me was how seamlessly and smoothly the whole thing comes together. I drove down, but if you fly in a Disney bus picks you up at the airport and delivers you to the resort, free of charge. You don’t mess with your luggage, they bring that separately and deliver it to your room. When you check in, you are given a “key to the world”. Not only does this key open your room door, it serves as your ticket to all the theme parks, and allows you to charge anything you desire to purchase with a simple touch of the key (same concept as the T-money system in Korea). That key is all you ever need during your entire visit.

Disney also provides complimentary bus service to anywhere and everywhere in the park. The buses run on time, they are clean and comfortable, and the drivers are friendly. Well, EVERY employee I encountered during my weekend stay was smiling and courteous without exception. No detail goes overlooked, and it just all comes together in the most extraordinary way.

And that’s the thing. Walt Disney World is for all intents and purposes a small city (albeit with an incredibly transient population) and they get it right in a way real cities can never seem to manage. Why is that? Absent evidence to the contrary, I’d say it is more proof that the private sector can do almost everything the government can do, only better.

So there you have it. My point that is. Which I could have made in the first two paragraphs and saved you all this pain (assuming you actually made it this far). But what can I say, after 34 years with the federal government I even blog like a bureaucrat.

“Grandpa went to Disney World and all I got were these crappy Mickey Mouse ears”

I’ll never do that again!

Posted on 07/April/2013 by John McCrarey

Got through the day yesterday with only one hitch.

At the Clark County courthouse for a marriage license.

At the cheesy Las Vegas wedding chapel where our vows were exchanged.

I count myself a lucky man.

After the ceremony was concluded it was time to rush back to the hotel and start the honeymoon. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I’m talking darts. The blind draw doubles event of the New World Dart Series. Hey, Jee Yeun was a darts widow even before I married her!

Puttin’ on my game face.

In the year of the bicentennial

Posted on 20/March/2013 by John McCrarey

It was 1976, America turned 200 and I was 21. I was living in a cracker box two bedroom house with my wife and baby girl in Westminster, California. We were poor. Being on food stamps poor. I had a job in route sales, delivering packaged sandwiches to convenience stores all over Orange County. The wife was waiting tables at the local Sizzler Steakhouse. We also had a German Shepard named Angie. I rented the house from my mother who lived next door.

That’s me sitting at the kitchen table calculating the statistics for the softball team I captained. The Ringwraiths. We of course didn’t have personal computers or the internet in those days. That calculator I’m using was pretty high tech stuff for me. We did have a 21″ RCA color television. A Christmas gift from mom and dad.

My luck was going to change for the better a couple of months down the road when I hired on with the United States Postal Service as a letter carrier. The pay back then was $5.25 per hour and of course I got the full benefit package (health insurance, paid leave, and for the first time in my young life, job security).

Funny thing is, I don’t recall ever feeling put out by my financial situation. Truth be told, I guess I didn’t know any better. I had grown up in a working class family. We didn’t have a nice house, stylish clothes or fancy cars, but we had food on the table and a roof over our heads. So, I guess it was just what I was used to. Which is not to say I didn’t envy the nice things others had, but I didn’t begrudge them the trappings of success (or at least the good fortune of having high income parents).

Things were what that were, we made the best of it, and hell, we were generally pretty damn happy most of the time. We had a tent and we’d frequently go camping. We had good friends. Marijuana was cheap. Life was good.

All these years later I find myself once again living in a two bedroom house (albeit significantly larger and paid for), comfortable in my status as a government pensioner, sitting at the kitchen table writing this remembrance on a notebook computer to post on the Internet. I guess I’d tell that young man in the photograph that things would find a way of working themselves out. But I’m thinking he somehow already knows that.

Life is grand, isn’t it?

The Ringwraiths (yeah, we were all really into Tolkien in those days). Let’s see how many names I can remember. Front row (L-R): Unknown, Dutch Griffin (my then wife’s ex-boyfriend), Chuck Martin, unknown, Doug Price (our star player), my brother Keith. Back row: Unknown, Jim Meehan, Rod Headlee, Larry Raemakers, and me.

I got most of them, not bad for an old stoner I’d say.

Back in the day

Posted on 26/February/2013 by John McCrarey

This is how I looked in 1988. I have this fantasy about losing years along with pounds. Alas, I know my youth is paradise lost forever. Although to be honest I still have the mindset of a thirtysomething. Imagine my shock and disappointment every time I encounter a mirror. On the other hand, getting older does have some benefits. Chief among them is that aging sure as hell beats the alternative.

The story behind the photo is that I was an “up and comer” in Postal Service management (alright, not that high a bar I admit) and my boss wanted to see if I had the right stuff for future promotion. I was sent to Roanoke, Virginia to serve as the acting Director of Human Resources. The previous Director had been fired for sexually harassing the woman in the photo and emotions were running high. Half the staff supported my predecessor and the other half supported the victim. It was a challenging assignment but I managed to get things squared away and the higher ups seemed pleased with my efforts.

I’m getting some kind of bullshit pin (probably for accumulating sick leave hours or years of service or some such nonsense). Nancy Ara was my labor relations specialist and a good and kind person. Sadly, she died of breast cancer a few years later.

The year in pictures

Posted on 01/January/2013 by John McCrarey

Why? Why the hell not?

January 1 found us in New Bern, NC staying aboard the sailboat Second Chance with my friends from high school, Rod and Pat Headlee.

February carried us back in Korea and this is the view from our new apartment. Right on top of the Gireum station subway stop which is definitely a good thing.

March provided the opportunity to make a little fast cash with a second place finish in the Seoul International Dart League mid-season tournament. That’s my British partner Sam “T-Rex” Hayward on the right.

April found us on the west coast at Daechon Beach. We encountered some poor service at a local eatery so I demonstrated for a friend’s young son the appropriate way to express dissatisfaction.

May brought better food and service at Tabom, a Brazilian steak house in Itaewon.

June saw the crowning of the Ride it In dart team from Pub Dolce Vita as the SIDL “B” Division champions. L-R Head cheerleader and keeper of the stats Jee Yeun Lee, Captain Bridget Werner from Texas, a fat guy from South Carolina, Louisianan Jacob Leonard, our token Canadian Cory Clow, and Greg “The Cobra” White of Bawl-Mor, Maryland.

July took us back to the USA and saw Jee Yeun being a traditional Korean grandmother by providing instruction to granddaughter Sydney on womanly responsibilities…

August brought us to Memphis, TN, my dad’s home town. This is where we deposited his earthly cremains into the muddy Mississippi river.

September 23 saw my granddaughter Sydney celebrate her first birthday in the traditional Korean hanbok. She didn’t quite know what the fuss was all about…

October brought us back to Korea once again and we journeyed out to the East Sea to enjoy the views from Naksana, a Buddhist Temple.

November calls for a feast and we had one with my Korean in-laws…

December took us to Osaka, Japan for a couple of days and provided a visa extension for yours truly.

Th-Th-Th That’s All Folks! Happy New Year!

Long Time Gone

Category Archives: The story of my life

Getting high in Korea

Climb every mountain

The way things are…

Glory days

A third world experience

Two things I haven’t done this year

We’ll make heaven a place on Earth

This little piggy went to the market

A working class hero is something to be

Glory days

Puking with the stars

Leggo my logo!

How we roll

Completing the circuit

Time Warner Cable and other things that suck

The wonderful world of Disney

I’ll never do that again!

In the year of the bicentennial

Back in the day

The year in pictures