Preparation continues apace as the days (21!) to my departure wind down. Some packing left to do but I’ve also been busy closing doors.
Moving forward to an unknown future carries with it a sense of adventure. But that trip to tomorrow is best made traveling light, and that means leaving the baggage of the past in the past. Easier said than done of course.
Why yes, yes I have.
So this week I’ve let go of the love I felt for one, finally accepting that she will not be sharing my dreams of a happy life in the Philippines. Oddly enough, the sadness I feel is for her, not me. I know that sounds egotistical but in my heart I do believe she would have had a happier life with me than the one she has chosen. I hope I’m wrong about that, but regardless there is no escaping the consequences of our decisions. She has chosen a different path so I will walk mine without her.
The door to a future with Gem has also closed. As much by her choice as mine, although she professes to be hurt. We could just never connect on the emotional and intellectual level that I know I require in a relationship. I’m sorry to have disappointed her but at this stage of my life when it comes to love I’ve got two options left: what I want or nothing at all.
Another door to close and lots of goodbyes in store when I visit Seoul for the last time next weekend. There is always a sadness associated with endings I suppose. My goal is to not be overwhelmed or consumed with sorrow and regret. I’ll start my new life unencumbered and totally free to choose the door that leads to happiness.
Yeah, the old cliché about when one door closes, another opens is in my mind. As my arrival in the Philippines gets closer I’m starting to get messages from a few Filipinas I’ve befriended on Facebook strongly hinting (or outright asking) if they can join me in my new life. Clearly, I’m going to have the opposite problem women-wise than I do here; from no options to almost unlimited options. The level of desperation amongst many of the women I see on the social networks is both sad and scary. They are looking for a way out of their forlorn lives and they see me as their ticket. Well, perhaps for “the one” I will be.
My challenge is going to be to choose wisely. I can’t let my judgement be clouded by sympathy (or lust!). I need to move cautiously and slowly and have the strength to say “sorry, but no” and walk away. In short, I need to learn to harden my heart and stop being such a nice guy sucker. Time will tell.
All of my life, I’ve been waitin’ in the rain
I’ve been waitin’ for a feeling that never, ever came
It feels so close but always disappears
Darlin’, in your wildest dreams, you never had a clue
But it’s time you got the news
I’m gonna harden my heart
I’m gonna swallow my tears
I’m gonna turn and leave you here
Sorry for the lack of posting, let’s catch up! Things continue apace as I transit the transitory process. I’ve even acquired a new moniker to carry with me in my new life in the Philippines. More on that later in this post.
Meanwhile, here in the real world (or at least the world in which I physically live) I’m making the best of it while it lasts.
Enjoyed me a lunch featuring crab legs at the Provider Grill DFAC with my counterparts from the Eighth Army G1.
After work on Friday I got stuck on base because of a lockdown. Apparently there was an active shooter (or more likely an active shooter drill). I waited around the walk-in gate as long as I could, but nature called so I hoofed it across the street to the Flightline restaurant. They were locked up, but let me in so I could “shelter in place”. They had a restroom and cold beer, so I waited it out in comfort until the all clear was sounded.
And I finally reached a decision in the one bag or two dilemma.
Better to have too much than not enough, right?
Having the second suitcase gave me the confidence to fill it with things that may be hard to find or expensive in my new homeland. It was raining Saturday morning which gave me the perfect excuse to go shopping at the PX. I surprised myself by spending over $500 during my spree. I bought a few more shirts and shorts appropriate for the tropics. I also picked up two large bottles of my favorite cologne (Armani Mania). I went ahead and splurged on a brand new Fitbit, figuring I’d want a backup handy should the one I’m wearing fail.
And these shoes. The most comfortable shoes I’ve ever owned and probably the most expensive ($116). They have some cushioning effect that feels like you have little springs on your feet. Disconcerting at first, but I like it now!
The rain let up some in the afternoon, and I needed to get my steps in so off I went.
A blooming orchard I encountered along the way.
And even after being here almost one year (my lease expires on the day I fly out) this sign still cracks me up.
I’ve been trying to get back into darts as that will be one of my pastimes after I make the move. Still can’t seem to find the motivation to practice, but I’m back at it on Saturday nights at IDK bar.
I drew Ben as my partner. We have some history. First met him in Columbia, SC when he was stationed at Fort Jackson. A year later he moved on to Syracuse, NY. At his farewell I mentioned that maybe we’d meet again in Korea someday. His wife said NO WAY I’m going to Korea. So I took some satisfaction while attending Ben’s assumption of command ceremony on Yongsan a couple of years ago, asking Leah “what are you doing in Korea?”
Ben and I played on the “What the Bulls” championship team my last season in Seoul. He moved down to Humphreys this fall, but we’ve never drawn up as partners until last Saturday. We were both off our game though and had to settle for a second place finish. Great fun throwing with him again though!
And now I hope you’ll indulge me while I play the role of proud grandfather.
Gracyn did her second horse show and seems to have both a natural talent and a love for the sport.
Took first place in two events and that smile says it all.
Sunday morning was nice, so I decided to make the long trek to Pyeongtaek city and back (3.5 hours).
As is my custom, I took the riverside bike path…
Pyeongtaek awaits. As usual, I peed at the train station, walked through the glass house red light district, then headed on home.
I was walking on a carpet of blossoms.
Sunday afternoon I joined up with the Humphreys Hangover Hash House Harriers for the day’s event. It actually turned out to be a pretty challenging trail.
First time the Hare (Shamu Shagger), the person marking the trail, took us this far afield. A rice field as it were.
It was a smallish turnout (three hashers plus the Hare) but we really covered some territory, including down by the riverside.
It made for a long day!
It was also my 5th Hash and that meant I would be given my official Hash name.
Young Dum Cum is my Hash father, having selected my Hash name.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m still learning the Hash rituals (I’m getting much better at following the trails though!), so half the time I don’t know what’s going on. The naming ritual was pretty intense, as I was grilled with probing questions for quite awhile as they searched for nuggets of information that would lead to an appropriate Hash name.
Now, Hash names are rarely PC or appropriate in polite company. Flim Flam, Blow My Pipe, Bum Burglar, Leech My Nuggets are examples of my soon to be fellow Hashers in the Subic Bay Hash House Harriers kennel. So I was a little nervous about what they might come up with for me. After about twenty minutes of deliberation over my interview answers I was called back to the circle and awarded the Hash name I will carry with me throughout the world. After drinking beer from the traditional dog bowl I was introduced as:
Cum Together.
I’ve already ordered my Hash jersey with my name on the back.
Like the pine trees lining the winding road
I got a name, I got a name
Like the singing bird and the croaking toad
I got a name, I got a name
And I carry it with me like my daddy did
But I’m living the dream that he kept hid
Moving me down the highway, rolling me down the highway
Moving ahead so life won’t pass me by
“If you are willing to settle for less, less will be your destiny.”
Well, that’s as profound as it gets for me anyway.
Over the past few days in the course of conversation with a couple of different friends the concept of destiny reared its ugly head. As usual, the context was “well, that didn’t turn out the way I hoped, but it must be destiny.” Of course, destiny is the twin sister of “God’s will”. Well, I ain’t buying it.
I recall my final appearance in Sunday School at the First Baptist Church in Columbia, South Carolina. The lesson that day was about how God had granted mankind “free will”. At the conclusion of class there was an announcement that there would be a march to the statehouse in support of more restrictive abortion laws. I was sincerely confused and so I raised my hand and asked “if God has given us free will, why would you want to pass a law taking that away?” I was met with a blank stare and after a few seconds was told “it’s a matter of faith”. I took it on faith that there was no point in my returning.
The point is that if we have free will to make decisions in life there can be no outcome that is our destiny. If what happens in our life is preordained, it wouldn’t matter what road or course of action we decided to take, we’d always wind up in the same place. Bullshit.
The things that happen to us in life, good and bad, are not “destiny” they are the result of the choices we make. Yeah, call me Captain Obvious but I’m tired of hearing “sorry, it was just our destiny that we arrived in this fucked up place”. No, we are where we are because we chose through our deeds a course of action that led us here.
I’m taking a new path (in 28 days!) that will lead me to a different future. And as I move forward I’m very cognizant of the fact that the choices I will make along the way are critical if I am to achieve my goal of living a contented and comfortable life in the Philippines. In short, I can’t let myself fuck up again. There are many traps, pitfalls and obstacles along the road to happiness. I’ll have to be patient and cautious as I move forward and choose wisely among the options that will present themselves.
I remain confident that the love of my life is out there and that she will find me one day. It’s my destiny.
I’ve been looking for a lover
But I haven’t met her yet
She’ll be nothing like
I pictured her to be
In her eyes I will discover
Another reason why
I want to live
and make the best
of what I see.
Where the sun hits the water
And the mountains meet the sand
There’s a beach
that I walk along sometimes
And maybe there I’ll meet her
And we’ll start to say ‘hello’
And never stop to think
of any other time.
Looking’ for a love
that’s right for me
I don’t know how long
it’s going to be
But I hope I treat her kind
And don’t mess with her mind
When she starts to see
the darker side of me.
Thirty days out or one month away, take your pick. I continue the slow process of extricating myself from the bonds that bind me here.
My big dilemma of the moment is deciding whether to bring two suitcases or one. Philippines Air says I can carry 30 kilos total on the flight, every additional kilo will cost me $12.00. Decisions, decisions. On the one hand, I can just leave behind whatever might not fit. Or I could fill the second bag with stuff I could use and may not find in the PI (or that would cost a lot more). For example, I wouldn’t mind bringing a bidet with me. Plus I can buy stuff at the PX tax free. On the other hand, I’d have to struggle with two big-ass suitcases, plus my carry-on. I’ll decide sometime in the next month I reckon.
Meanwhile, I’m in the zone now where some things I do here I’m doing for the last time.
Today I got my last haircut in Korea…
It was pretty funny, the barber said I seem in much better spirits than I was the first time she saw me. She said that first day I had an expression on my face like I had just stepped in dog shit. That cracked me up! I admit I went through a grumpy phase (oh hell, maybe it is just my nature). But, having a new life to look forward to soon has indeed brightened my spirits.
Even my milk has a longer shelf life here than I do!
On thing is for sure, moving to the PI will…
…be changing me.
On the flip (no offense meant to the Filipino people) side, every last in Korea will be an opportunity for a first come May.
What else? Well it is Siblings Day in the USA. So, let me give a shoutout to my bros…
I’d be the handsome one in the middle. But you knew that, right?
I’m planning my last trip to Seoul the last weekend in April. Will stay Friday through Monday. Anyone out there want to meet up, give me a holler. Especially you, Kevin Kim.
The days like a slow train trickle by
And even the words that I write refuse to fly
All I can hear is your song haunting me
Can’t get the melody out of my head, you see
Distractions are amusing, do you know how much you’re losing
No you don’t, but I do
…but there is “me”. So, indulge me while I besiege you with 40 photos from this weekend’s off-site team building excursion to Byeonsan National Park way down south on the West Sea.
I got up early and baked some blueberry muffins to share with the team…
….made some brownies too. Pretty tasty if I do say so myself…
The team gathered to await the arrival of our chariot….
….which was right on time.
On the bus…
…and on the road.
Stopped at a scenic rest area along the way.
These rays have lost their sting no doubt…
The amazing staff members of the U.S. Eighth Army’s Directorate of Human Resources Management.
This quiet little village was the location for our lunchee meal.
It was bibimbap and Korean pizza, not my personal favorites, but I took one for the team.
We also hiked over to the local temple.
As Buddhist temples go, this one wasn’t all that impressive. The sign said it was original built in 633 and reconstructed in the 1500’s. I’ll have to take their word on that.
It was a nice walk getting there though.
A trail not taken. I’d say I saved it for another day, but my time in Korea is almost gone. A certain sadness permeated my weekend as I contemplated the ending of my life here.
Then it was off to the hotel at the Daemyung Resort. It was an impressive facility. I took this photo of the place from the top of a nearby mountain I hiked.
And this was the view from my room early on Saturday morning. I had been disappointed not to have a scored a sea view room, but this was very nice indeed.
After check-in we had individual free time prior to reconvening for dinner. I naturally used mine to hike around the area.
Saw some ocean…
…and some beaches…
….early signs of spring…
….a fishing boat harbor…
….and pledges of undying love written on sea shells. At Namsan the young lovers use padlocks. I doubt either would work for my sorry broken hearted ass…
I hiked from over there to up here. It was quite pleasant actually…
Oh, and I met this girl on the beach. We had some communication difficulty but I got the message she wasn’t interested in dating me. Heart of stone in that one…
We reconvened for the staff dinner at a mom and pop type restaurant in the neighborhood…
And enjoyed the thickest cut of samgyupsal I ever did see. And it turned out to be quite delicious….
Well, we were on a team building excursion. My Deputy and I had decided to forego the traditional team building exercises which we agreed were quite lame and did not translate well culturally. I still felt obligated to talk about the concept of “Team” and what it meant to be part of a successful one. I also reminded them that a team continues to function at a high level, regardless of who may depart that team. I know they will be fine without me and that they will ensure my replacement enjoys the satisfaction and success they have brought my professional life. What an honor it has been to lead them!
Back to the resort for the traditional after dinner beer bonding activity….
….which the team mastered quite well.
Saturday morning we gathered for a team hike up to a famous waterfall I can’t remember the name of and can’t be bothered to look up right now.
Here I demonstrate the concept of leading from behind…
Up, up and away…
It was quite beautiful as you can see…
The upper falls…
and the lower falls…
It was a pretty good hike, taking about an hour. I was glad to be in good enough shape to make it…
…and so did most of the rest of the team. And yes, a couple of my folks brought their kids along so that was a nice addition to the group.
And then it was time to head back to Pyeongtaek. The bus tried to leave without me, but I put a stop to that!
And thereby demostrated to the staff how not to use your head*.
No worries though. In due course I was resurrected which has allowed me to bring you the pleasure of this fine example of blogging. You are welcome!
46 days remaining.
*No one was actually injured in the creation of this post. I’ll do just about anything for a laugh.
Even though I’m a “double digit midget” things at Eighth Army Headquarters continue apace.
I led my team in providing some much needed training to our senior leaders in civilian personnel issues. For many in the officer cadre, working with civilians with the various rules and regulations associated with that workforce is a mystery that can be frustrating. Hopefully we managed to ease their minds some.
Today I also attended the Command Staff briefing to our 3-Star Commanding General. I did take note of the fact that on all the calendar slides the dates after mid-May lost all significance to me. I guess maybe I do have some symptoms of short timer-itis after all.
Oh, and I was asked to provide a copy of my bio…hmm. I’ve got a hunch what that is for, but I’ll let it be a surprise. For your reading enjoyment:
JOHN M. McCRAREY
Director, Human Resource Management
HQ 8th U.S. Army, Pyeongtaek, Republic of Korea
Mr. McCrarey began his career in federal service with the United States Postal Service in 1976 at Anaheim, California as a Letter Carrier. In his twenty-four years with the Postal Service he held positions of increasing responsibility in Prescott, Arizona; Fort Smith, Arkansas; Columbia, South Carolina; and Arlington, Virginia. His key assignments included Safety Manager, Labor Relations Specialist, Director, Human Resources, and Manager, Labor Relations. In 2001, Mr. McCrarey accepted a labor relations position with the United States Department of Education in Washington, DC. He joined the Army team in Korea in January 2005 as Chief, Labor and Performance Management and assumed responsibilities as Deputy Director in December 2007 and Director in June 2009. Mr. McCrarey retired from government service on 31 December 2010 but agreed to return to duty in the Directorate of Human Resources Management in June 2015, and accepted promotion to his former position as Director in September 2016.
Mr. McCrarey earned a Bachelor of Science in Human Resource Management from Southern Wesleyan University and did graduate studies at Marymount University in Arlington, Virginia.. He is a graduate of the USPS Advanced Leadership Program and the Excellence in Government Fellows Program. Mr. McCrarey is certified as a Senior Professional in Human Resources Management (SPHR).
You know, it occurs to me that my job is the best part of my life these days. Paradoxically, that is also the most compelling reason to retire again and find a meaningful life outside of work. We’ll see soon enough. In 58 days.
On this morning’s walk into the office I noticed these words of wisdom:
I’ll take that as a sign.
And on my afternoon walk I discovered more evidence that things here in Pyeongtaek are just a little bit off:
Every tenth Sunday?
All that walking has it’s rewards… 5,000 miles with the FitBit, apparently the equivalent of walking Africa end-to-end.
On the Facebook front, I got this reminder of something I posted 8 years ago today:
As I’ve been looking back at some old photographs I find myself wondering if I really enjoyed those moments as much as I should have way back then. You know, it is very easy as we live each day to focus on what’s ahead or behind us or whatever trouble we have on our mind. But really, there is so much to appreciate right in front of our nose and sometimes we miss that.
It seems I was a lot smarter then than I am now, don’t you think?
And it was only four years ago that I made the news:
“Man with wildly erratic darts endangers hotel guests” is how I recall the headline.
True enough. EspeciallyBut only if they stay by your side through thick and thin.
I’m wide open to whatever comes next in life. Open heart and open mind. Bring it on!
The Korean Employees Union leaders treated me and my KN labor adviser to a fine meal.
Grilled beef was tasty as were the sides. As a single guy I don’t get to enjoy Korean meals that often as they are generally served for a minimum of two…
After lunch we went upstairs to the union office and conducted our meeting. After working through the union’s agenda, I advised them I had one agenda item. I told them I had purchased a ticket to the Philippines for May 11. “When will you be back?” the President asked. I said it is a one-way ticket. I won’t be back. They were incredulous and none too pleased with the news. Which I guess is quite the compliment.
Early in my career I was a union steward and chapter president with the National Association of Letter Carriers. When I received my first promotion as a Safety Specialist, I was woefully unqualified for the job. When I asked the HR Director why she had selected me she replied “I always appreciated how you handled yourself in labor-management meetings. Your willingness to see both sides of a problem told me you had the right attitude and could be trained in the technical aspects of the job”. Now over 30 years later I was conducting a labor-management meeting on the management side of the table and listening with empathy to the union’s issues. It felt like I had completed the circle and it was a nice finishing touch to my long government career.
After work I took a two hour stroll along the Han river then circled back to my hotel as the sun set on another of the dwindling days in my Korea life.
Later that evening I met up with the nephew and friends Wan Jun and Becky for dinner at my favorite grilled pork belly restaurant in Itaewon.
The samgyupsal did not disappoint. Washed it down with beer and soju of course.
After dinner I was feeling nostalgic for one of the oldest bars in Itaewon, the Grand Ole Opry.
It’s the diviest of dive bars and was surprisingly divier than it was on my last visit.
Now, it is no secret that I like to country dance, especially when my brain has been properly lubricated with copious amounts of beer and soju. Sadly, no one was dancing last night despite the place being busier than normal. I noticed Wan Jun buying drinks for the some folks at another table and thought that odd. Then he sent a second round over. And the next thing I knew one of the gals came over for a dance with me. Yep, he bribed a woman to dance with me. How pathetic must I be? Well, I have my pride, but I accepted the dance anyway and twirled her around the empty dance floor. It was fun for me. She left after that one dance.
The last time I danced at the Opry was with my Commie friend Choonae. Justin still had videos on his phone from that night which I linked above. She’s a great dancer and made me look much better than I am. Good times!
I was pretty much done by then anyway. Went back to the hotel where I could Rest in Peace.
Okay, so yeah, I did stop in at the Dairy Queen for a large strawberry sundae. Call the diet police, I don’t care! Also, somewhere along the way I managed to lose my room key and the Crown hotel charged me W10,000 to replace it. Well, I didn’t have much choice but to pay, did I? Up at 0530 this morning to beat the traffic and be home in time for my Saturday mountain climb.
Which I have now completed. Weather was warm and pleasant.
So that’s about it. I have a buyer for the car, the gas grill, and my inflatable bed. And 62 days to sell the remaining remnants of my Korea life.
It has been a strange week hearing from some past loves. But also gratifying. I’ve really learned a lot about love and life through them, and as painful as those experiences may have been, they were invaluable. And it was a comfort for me to know that I’m still thought about and perhaps even loved. To the one that matters most, I think that the love I never expressed until it was too late is at least now believed to have been real and coming from the heart. That means more to me than she’ll ever know.
The longer I live the more I believe
You do have to give if you wanna receive.
There’s a time to listen, a time to talk.
And you might have to crawl even after you walk.
Had sure things blow up in my face,
Seen the longshot win the race.
Been knocked down by the slammin’ door.
Picked myself up and came back for more.
Life’s a dance, you learn as you go.
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.
Don’t worry ’bout what you don’t know,
life’s a dance, you learn as you go.
It’s not all gloom and doom all the time here at LTG. There are some good moments too.
This came in the mail from my sweet granddaughter Sydney. She really loves me. Or pizza. One of those….
Had a wonderful lunch with the staff at the Hwa Hwa restaurant in Anjeong-ri. My work family is a constant source of joy in my life.
The food was excellent too!
And today I tackled a new mountain–Younginsan, about 20 minutes drive from the house….
Nice trails…
…and much like my old friend Namsan, a stairway to the summit.
Made it to the peak without much trouble. Air not as clear as last weekend, but the view was still awesome…
Rafael, a friend from work, was my tour guide once again…
I wonder what this looks like in summertime?
This looks like a pretty cool cabin to camp out in…if I could only find a date.
Anyway, this is the best hiking I’ve done since I left Seoul. Really enjoyable and there are many more trails on this mountain to explore. I have my new Saturday routine now!
Exactly 90 days left in my working life. A brand new beautiful life is on the horizon. I’m looking forward to that.
So, I come across this article about a guy who got arrested for flipping the bird or giving the finger or whatever you call it:
Fuck you very much.
You can read the story at the link, but basically this guy flipped off a cop and the cop chased him down and arrested him. The ACLU is suing the police department for infringing on the man’s First Amendment right to free expression.
Been there, done that. Except for the suing part. It was July 4, 1973. Me and the girlfriend Gail were heading out to Huntington Beach (Gail was driving her father’s 1965 Ford Mustang, a sweet ride!) for the Independence Day parade. There was a barrier saying “road closed” but folks were driving past it, so we did too. At the bottom of the hill sat Huntington Beach’s finest writing tickets. It was a classic set up and it really pissed me off. After we received our ticket and were driving away, I leaned out the window, gave a two finger salute and shouted “fuck you pigs!”.
We continued on our way to the ocean when the Huntington Beach police helicopter appeared overhead. Then a cop car with lights flashing was behind us, so Gail pulled over. Shortly thereafter another police vehicle pulled up, a cop jumped out and shouted “yeah, that’s him!” I was removed from the Mustang and the interrogation began. I turned over my ID and the officer started asking other questions. When he said “do you have any tattoos?” (don’t know why he asked that) I responded yes, I have a battleship tattooed on my ass, and when I shit it sinks. That’s when they slapped the cuffs on me and hauled me of to the jailhouse where I sat on the concrete floor in a holding cell for a few uncomfortable hours. That was the first and last time I was ever arrested. I was a juvenile so my conviction for “disturbing the peace” was dismissed upon reaching my 18th birthday.
I was such a smart ass punk back then. I’m proud to say I outgrew that phase and became the grumpy old man I am today!
Anyway, one of the Philippines Vloggers I follow is Steve Montelli. He did vlog a few months ago lamenting not being able to find his “purpose” as a retired guy in the PI. He had a new video up today, and here’s how he answered my question on whether he had a purpose now:
Expect less and lower the bar. No, you don’t want to be the guy drinking beer at 10am. Filling the days can be a challenge. You just have to show up and muddle through. This place is not a tropical cure-all. It’s taken me a lot of trips to be happy with the day, but it can be done. The idea of “good enough” weaves through all my days. Expect less.
Yeah. I will try to find a life that satisfices. But I’m also reminded of this quotation:
“One person is missing and your World is a desert” (Alphonse de Lamartine).
A co-worker invited me to join him on a mountain hike this morning. It was snowing when we headed out at 0930 but had stopped by the time we arrived 20 minutes later.
I’ve gotten so accustomed to flatland walking that climbing today was a bigger challenge than I thought it would be. And coming down was a slick slip and slide. I was happy for the change of pace for sure.
I don’t know the name of the mountain, perhaps these signs say?
I’d judge the climb up to be similar in difficulty to the trail ascent of Namsan (not the road up).
Some nice views…
And lots of these grave shrines…
I guess you’d call this the semi-summit…
….we elected not to continue on to the top of the peak behind me. My co-worker said there were places you had to climb over rocks holding onto a rope. He was concerned about coming back down where a slip might well prove fatal. Saving that portion of the hike for a dryer day was fine by me.
It was a good morning’s hike. I look forward to coming back for more soon.
Well, there’s a first time for everything. Unfortunately.
Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by ceasing all communication and contact with the former partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as avoiding or ignoring and refusing to respond to the former partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate.
Ghosting may be especially traumatic for those on the receiving end, causing feelings of ostracism and rejection;[6] those with low self-esteem may be especially vulnerable to negative emotional and psychological consequences as a result of it.[citation needed]
My “friend” Mi Young has apparently broken off all communication with me without any explanation. We last talked on Thursday (via messenger) and I had invited her to join me for some American BBQ at a new place in town. As usual, her schedule was ambiguous so I said I’m free whenever you are, just let me know. And that’s the last I’ve heard from her. I sent a message on Monday asking what was up which she saw but did not respond to. And so that’s it I guess.
Never experienced a “ghosting” before. It sucks. And it hurts.
Similarly, my “ex” Loraine, who had professed to want to remain friends, has not responded to a series of messages I sent. I wished her a happy new year and got nothing back. A week later I sent a message simply asking if she was okay. Nothing.
How hard is it to say “I don’t want to ever hear from you again, please don’t message me”. Sure, that would be painful but it is better than just being ignored as if I didn’t exist. It’s just a chickenshit thing to do. I was good to both of these women, I think I deserve the dignity of a response, even if that response is “fuck off!”.
Gem and I “kissed” and made up. We’ve got some communication issues we need to work on, but it’s early yet…
I’ve been very impressed with Gem’s willingness to indulge my walking habit. She hangs right in there on our 20,000+ step days. Hell, the other day she even said “I’m bored, let’s go for a walk”. Nothing seems to get her goat out on the road either…
During a trek out to Baloy Beach I found this place that may very well work for me…
Talked to the owner, “Lucky Mike” who said the current tenant is leaving in May which of course is when I expect to arrive…
It’s small, only one bedroom, but…
…it has this huge ass patio/deck/balcony thing going for it. My vision would be to convert it to outdoor living space. You know, table/umbrella, hammock, chair swing, and of course a nice grill. It’s on the 3rd floor and features outstanding water views from the patio and great mountain views from the house. 20,000 pesos a month ($400.) works for me too.
The highlight of the day though was participating in my first Hash House Harrier event.
We started out with the administrative stuff (250 peso dues) at Johannson’s Bar and Grill.
Then we loaded up in the back of this truck for the drive out to the Hash starting point.
The days route included hiking up and down two mountains. It was honestly much more difficult terrain than I’ve experienced on Namsan or Bukhansan in Korea. There were a couple of spots where I was even a little fearful. Only fell on my ass a couple of times though.
Let’s get started!
And we are off!
Passed by some residences that show just how lucky I am….
The trail was more difficult that it appears…very steep with dicey footing in places. Next time I’ll definitely bring a walking stick!
Gem kept right up with me the entire way…and she was much better at spotting the trail markings (chalk arrows on trees) that I am. I can truthfully say I would have been lost without her.
From the top of the mountain we were rewarded with amazing views of the bay like this one…
And there lies Barrio Baretto in all its glory. I’ll be calling here home one day soon…
The local kids were quite amused to see the crazy foreigners walking about in the hot sun for no particular reason.
The Hash finished up on the roof of the Hot Zone bar…owned by the leader of the Subic Bay Hashers.
Now, there are certain rituals associated with the Hash that take place at the conclusion of every hike. I don’t fully understand them all yet, but they include sitting bare bottomed on a block of ice and drinking from a toilet plunger. I was happy to just observe.
As a Hash House “virgin” I was required to engage in an initiation ritual…
Which concluded by my having to guzzle an entire bottle of beer in one shot. Anything remaining in the bottle after it left my lips was unceremoniously poured over my head. I missed it by just a sip…
Anyway, it felt like a fresh start and a step in the direction of a new and better future life. We will see how that works out for me.
One of the things I like about Barrio Baretto is that while it is a small town it has easy access to major conveniences, such as dining, shopping and of course, bars. I’d reckon it is similar in size to Anjeong-ri (where I currently reside) but with more of an Itaewon vibe (lots of expats from around the world).
So anyway, earlier this week I walked into Rolling Stones bar for the first time ever. And a guy shouts out, “hey John, I know you!”. Well, it turns out it was a guy named Scott. He is a member of the local Hash club that I made Facebook friends with.
Yesterday I popped over to Cheap Charlie’s bar for a quick beer while Gem was napping. The place was packed but I scoped out one open stool at the far end of the bar. Once I was seated I noticed that the guy next to me was Scott, there with another Hasher friend. After they left I saw a woman across the bar who looked vaguely familiar. Finally, I recognized her as the sales girl in a small shop who had sold me a ball cap earlier in the day. We made eye contact and I saw the confusion on her face. I called out that I was in her store earlier…then she remembered me.
Later as I was walking back to my hotel I was thinking about what a small town this truly is so hopefully it won’t take long to make friends and see lots of familiar faces while I’m out and about. Then a Jeepney pulls ups, and out hop John and his girlfriend Mango, the only two people I actually know here. Weird, huh?
And oh, later that evening while Gem and I were enjoying the floating bar at Arizona Resort, in walks Scott and his friend who sit at the table next to mine. Turns out Scott was from Huntington Beach, CA, right next door to my hometown of Westminster. I couldn’t help but remind him how we always kicked their ass in football on Friday nights. Small town, small world.
Snapped this photo of the sun going down from the Arizona floater. Made it my FB profile picture. Later I noticed that Scott had taken a similar photo and made it HIS profile picture. Yeah, it’s getting a little strange, I know.
Had a fish and chips dinner at the Midnight Rambler. Saw this sign on the way out and thought it was good advice. So I took it.
We went to the Velvet Touch bar to hear some live music on a Saturday night.
Apparently the new “no smoking” ordinance is even more restrictive than I thought if this sign in the men’s room is any indication…
Enjoyed my final breakfast of the year at Treasure Island.
Then Gem and I hopped in a Jeepney for the short ride to the Navy base to get some walking and shopping done.
My challenge for the final night of 2017 is to stay sober enough awake to enjoy the countdown to 2018 and fireworks show. We shall see.
I despise Manila. Getting from the airport to Subic took nearly four hours, most of that stuck in Manila traffic. It’s an ugly and filthy city and even after all these years I find the poverty shocking. To be fair, there are nice parts of the city you just don’t see them on the trip from the airport. I much prefer flying into Clark in Angeles. Just hard to score a ticket this time of year as it is a very popular tourist destination for Koreans. Well, Korean men anyway.
Anyway, leaving the city behind it is a quite pleasant and scenic drive. Arrived safely at my lodging for the week and got checked in.
The Palm Tree Resort was my third choice, everything else was booked. I’m not happy with the “no view” room, but otherwise the place is clean and comfortable.
I normally stay on Baloy Beach at the Blue Rock Resort. But I knew I’d be dealing with the ghost of Loraine this trip and staying there without her would have been overwhelming. Honestly, I’ve been haunted quite a bit so far as it is. Nothing to be done but face up to the fact that the memories will always be there, I can only control how I choose to react to them. Gem has been a nice distraction.
Speaking of Gem, I’ve introduced to some of the elements of my lifestyle. She hung in there for a pretty decent walk, some on the beach, some on the highway. Gem also has now experienced her first “go-go” bar and she was not shocked or offended. Even seemed to enjoy herself.
Gem is actually a non-drinker. She’s a good sport about my enjoyment of a cold brew though and she’ll even occasionally have a few sips with me.
One of the things I’m hoping to accomplish on this trip is to nail down at least the general area where I will find my house when I move here permanently come what May. (ahem). Revisited a nearby subdivision called Alta Vista.
Most of the houses in Alta Vista feature bay views like this…
…or mountain views like this.
Some houses even have both views. I liked this one because it was about my size (lots of the houses are McMansions in scope).
I did not see any indication that there were any available rentals in Alta Vista however. I do have a phone number where I can at least make some additional inquiries. I did find a house that seems perfect and it will be available for rent in late January.
It has everything!
Including a view to die for.
And what a kitchen!
And the rent? A whopping $500. a month! The only problem with it is the location. Club Morocco is 14 kms from my preferred area in Barrio Baretto. Going to hire a car today and see just how inconvenient living that far out would be.
Met up with my only friend in town for dinner last night. He brought along his new girlfriend. Very lovely girl, and very sweet.
They seem very happy together.
As we finished dinner I was rewarded with this lovely sunset view:
One of the side effects of spending hours alone on the road is it gives me time to think. That’s not always a good thing, but my brain seems to have a mind of its own in that regard.
Anyway, I’ve recently had occasion to be thinking about my love life. Such as it is. And the truth of the matter is that despite appearances and current circumstances, I’ve been blessed with more than my share of love relationships in this lifetime. And so I decided to do a little self-assessment to see what pearls of wisdom I might glean from these past experiences as I move forward in my quest for finding true and lasting love in my lifetime.
A caveat: I am defining love relationships as being a mutual thing—both parties actively engaged in the pursuit of love in all its glory. For example, since the failure of my last marriage I have had two women profess their love for me, love that at the time I was unwilling and unable to return. They are not on this list, and I know they were both hurt by my lack of reciprocity. I’m happy to report that both of these people remain true and supportive friends to me, and that has brought me great comfort during the past few difficult weeks.
Let’s begin at the beginning, shall we?
Karen. My first love. My high school sweetheart. Interestingly, we have remained in sporadic communication over the years. Including an amazing couple of nights at our twentieth high school reunion. She had moved a couple hours away in senior year and I didn’t prove to be a faithful boyfriend doing the long distance relationship thing. I broke her heart. Score (0-1-0)
Gail. I started seeing Gail after Karen moved away, but before I had ended things with Karen. In the end Gail got tired of waiting for me to make up mind, so she made it up for me. She broke my heart. Score (1-1-0)
Bridget. Became wife #1. We were both teenagers (19 and 17) when she became pregnant with our first child, a daughter. Five years and a son later we had grown apart and she wanted a life that did not include the obligations of being a wife and mother. She gave me custody of the kids and moved on. I had also met someone else as well. Mutual decision. Score (1-1-1)
KaraLynne. A woman who changed my life in so many ways. The love of my life in the sense that I’ve never again gone “all in” like I did with her. She was going to graduate school in Idaho and met another man (whom she eventually married). Almost 40 years later now, but I’m almost over it. Almost. She broke my heart. Score (2-1-1)
Pamela. In my devastation over KaraLynne, I sold everything I owned that wouldn’t fit in my car and moved to Oklahoma to be with my kids on my parent’s small farm. Pam was a sweet and innocent country girl who gave me her virginity. In time I grew bored with her and knew I had to move on. I broke her heart. Score (2-2-1)
Darla. Another country girl I met while working together at the Fort Smith, Arkansas post office. Seven years my junior and such a sweet young thing. She came over at midnight the day I turned 30 saying she wanted to do something with me I’d never forget. I haven’t. Not sure what happened after that, but one day she said she was ready to move on (Karma perhaps?) and left me.She broke my heart. Score (3-2-1)
Beckie. Wife #2. Probably the best woman I have ever known. The kind of woman I wanted to help me raise my kids. To her credit, she is still a big part of their lives. Once the kids were grown though, I realized we had nothing in common. And I had an affair. I broke her heart. Score (3-3-1)
Carol. The woman I had the affair with and who became wife #3. We had such a passionate relationship. Full of fire, but not always in a good way. We argued ferociously about politics but in a weird kind of way I really miss the intensity of that relationship. We cared enough to fight about things. I moved to Korea, she was supposed to join me here. She changed her mind about that and I was unwilling to return home. Mutual decision. Score (3-3-2)
Se Hwa. My first true Korean girlfriend. Met her on a dating site. Twenty years younger than me. Her dream was to go to graduate school in the USA. I helped her achieve that goal knowing I wouldn’t be going back with her. So, I knew early on that the relationship had an expiration date. What got me was the way she chose to end it. By email. While we were living together! I told her she couldn’t do that, she had to break up to my face. So she did. A couple of days later she called and said she was leaving for the states the following month to start school and asked if she could stay in my guest room until she left. And like a fool I agreed. That was a torturous time for me, the woman I loved being so close and yet so far. She broke my heart. Score (4-3-2)
Jee Yeun. Wife #4. I met Jee Yeun shortly after Se Hwa had departed. She worked in the beauty salon on base and did my pedicures. I asked her out to dinner, she came home with me, and as I tell the story, she never left. I had warned her that I would be retiring and moving to the Philippines the following year. But she wanted to stay with me until I left. I eventually came to realize that her love was genuine and I decided that having her love in my life was more important than my Philippines dream. So I made a new plan, bought us a fine little house in the states, and went about living the life I thought would always be mine. Until one day it wasn’t. I still have no understanding about why she turned her back on me and everything we had built together. She broke my heart. Score (5-3-2)
Eun Oke. Losing Jee Yeun had shaken my understanding and belief in love to its core. I really thought I was done with all that madness once and for all. And then nine months later I got introduced to Eun Oke. She was fun to hang out with, good company, and a good cure for my loneliness. And I’ll be damned if I didn’t start having feelings for her. I invited her along with me on a trip to the Philippines and we had a blast. Right up until the night before we returned home when she woke me up at o’dark-thirty to tell me she was breaking up with me. A week or so later we decided it was all a misunderstanding and gave it another go. A month later she walked out on me again. This time a mutual friend intervened and convinced me to give her another chance. A few weeks later while I lay coughing on the living room in the middle of the night (my undiagnosed COPD) she packed upher shit and drove away. I’m a “three strikes and you’re out” kinda guy, so that was it for me. And I vowed then and there never again would I be sucked into loving someone. She broke my heart. Score (6-3-2)
Loraine. I met Loraine on Filipina Cupid early in 2016. We chatted for most of the year. I invited her to join me in Puerto Galera as my “tour guide” and welcome in the New Year 2017. She was amazing, especially when I got sick. That got me thinking that I should hire her to be my caregiver, the idea being I’d get everything I needed from a relationship without all the baggage that comes with love. It seemed like the perfect plan. Until it wasn’t. I wound up falling in love with her, but was not honest with her or myself about that. I just assumed she would always stay by my side. Until she didn’t. When I finally confessed my love for her it was too late, she had found someone else. I’m sad about that because she never got to experience what my love would have meant or the life that I had envisioned us sharing. I think she made a mistake giving up on me, but I hope I’m wrong about that. I do want her to have a happy life.She broke my heart. Score (7-3-2).
And there you have it, the sad and sordid story of my love life. Writing about my past has proven much more painful than I anticipated. There are many lessons to be gleaned from this history of mistakes and broken promises. Hard lessons to be sure, but with every goodbye you learn.
I know I am a better man now than I ever was before. For example, I was a good husband to Jee Yeun. She’s the only wife I never cheated on and I always did my best to take care of her. I also think I’m less selfish now than I used to be and my expectations from a relationship are much more realistic. I simply want someone who will care for me in the same way that I will care for her, who will be loyal and stay by my side through good times and bad. I’m easy to please!
Anyway, I’ve come full circle. I’m resolved to live in the moment. Will there be a lucky #13 who will be my lover in the future? I’m open to having love in my life again, but if that is not my destiny then I can at least take comfort in the knowledge that I’ve had a lifetime full of being loved, if only for a while. I can’t live in the past or change those things that have led me to this moment in time. I can only resolve to be the kind of loving and generous man I know I can be.
I will remain optimistic and take comfort in knowing that it only hurts until the pain goes away.
Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain Let her sing, if it eases all her pain Let her go, let her walk right out on me And if the sun comes up tomorrow, let her be Let her be
Well I’ve been out walking I don’t do that much talking these days These days- These days I seem to think a lot About the things that I forgot to do For you And all the times I had the chance to
And I had a lover It’s so hard to risk another these days These days- Now if I seem to be afraid To live the life I have made in song Well it’s just that I’ve been losing so long
I’ll keep on moving Things are bound to be improving these days These days- These days I sit on corner stones And count the time in quarter tones to ten, my friend Don’t confront me with my failures I had not forgotten them
This pretty much captures my “acceptance theory”, although it has proven to be easier said than done. I am however making progress each day, so I’ll be satisfied with that.
Woke up to a snowy morning and more is predicated tonight.
Looking out my front door.
In other news, single life is not all it’s cracked up to be:
Story of my life.
But, it can always be worse I suppose:
I hate when that happens.
Actually, it did kind of happen to me in a way. My first Korean girlfriend (some long time readers may remember Se Hwa) broke up with my via email. While we were living together. That’s about as fucked up as it can get I suppose.
Well, in the category of “what comes next?”, I’m trying to stay in the game, more or less. Finding a suitable woman on dating sites like Filipina Cupid is like looking for a needle in a haystack. I didn’t find a needle there, but I did come across a Gem. Well, Gemma, but she goes by Gem. Technically, she found me I suppose, sending the first tentative “how are you?” message. We’ve been chatting for three or four weeks now, and so far I’ve found nothing wrong with her. Other than she is not the one my heart is aching for. Still, letting go of what’s gone and being satisfied with what remains is my new modis operandi. More or less.
Gem was formerly an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) where she worked as a caregiver in Israel. She got fucked over by her Israeli boyfriend in a way that puts my sorrow to shame. He cheated with her best friend (some friend) and knocked her up. That was two years ago and she tells me I’m the first guy since that she’s been willing to take a chance on.
Gem seems to have her shit pretty much together. She tells me she owns a house and condo which she rents out, freelances in real estate, and is doing alright financially. She she just wants someone to love to make her life complete.
And the other night she told me she was sorry, she knows I just want to be friends for now, but she can’t help falling in love with me. Damn, that does freak me out. I guess everyone defines love in their own way, and I’m certainly now open to being in love (better late than never, right?), but like I told her, there’s no way I’d ever fall in love with someone I’ve never met in person. She said she understands that.
I told her she was welcome to join me in Subic for the New Year and she has agreed. She even has a car and is willing to drive us there (she lives in Manila). So, we will see if the in-person chemistry and compatibility tests are successful when we meet and go from there. She seems excited about the week I have planned for us, so it’s a start.
Gem. 49 years old. Two grown daughters. Smart and fun loving. What’s not to like?
Today Facebook reminded me that exactly one year ago I posted a poem on love by Kahlil Gibran. My comment on the poem at the time was “it almost makes me wish I believed in love again”.
I was so arrogantly stupid to believe that I could avoid love or live without it long term. And that stupidity cost me big time. So my heart is now wide open to all possibilities, but I’m not going to be in any hurry. I’m looking forward to getting to know more about Gem and I hope that we get along as well in person as we do online. After that, we’ll just let nature take it’s course.
But at least I’m moving forward again. Baby steps, but forward motion regardless. Wish me luck!
When love beckons to you, follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.” And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy; To return home at eventide with gratitude; And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
I mentioned the other day that I was going to attempt a 50,000 step walk today. I came up with a two-phase plan. First I would walk around the perimeter of Camp Humphreys, from outside the fence.
This is a crappy picture but the only one I could access. It basically shows Camp Humphreys overlaid on Washington, DC. The point being, it’s a big ass base.
Phase 2 would be taking the long way into Pyeongtaek city. I figured both walks to be about the same in length and I thought they’d get me pretty close to the 50,000 step total I was looking to achieve. But could I actually walk that far? Let’s find out!
I began by putting some fuel in the belly then headed out into the cold morning air around 0715.
I was mildly optimistic…
So, I expended 2058 steps getting to the main gate, then had to return home…
Because like an idiot I forgot to bring my vaping pens…
So as I continued my circumnavigation of the base, I passed the walking gate at 4075 steps.
Passed the Dongchong-ri gate at 6364 steps…
Passed the back side of Eighth Army HQ where I work (the grey building) at 7084 steps.
Made a left turn on the river at 8405 steps.
Passed the railroad trestle at 12,347 steps.
Turned off the river just before the highway bridge at 17,508 steps…
Near the Dodu-ri gate at 18,605 steps.
Entered the deadly quite village of Bonjeong-ri at 21,950 steps.
Got to the CPX gate in 26,397 steps.
And completed the circuit around the base in 29,318 steps.
Made it home at 30,411 steps. I was tired and hungry. Made me this fine lunchee and rested for an hour.
Time to start Phase 2. I usually do this park after work because I can walk it in the dark. But I gave it a once around today as well at 31,648 steps.
Back to the river, but this time I turned right towards Pyeongtaek city which you can see off in the distance. 35,269 steps to this point.
The KTX blew by me at 38,311 steps.
Made it to the bridge into Pyeongtaek at 41,725 steps.
I arrived at Pyeongtaek Station in 43,610 steps.
Ah. Civilization does exist in these parts. Only required 44,183 steps to get there.
And there it is! My I just walked exactly 50,000 fucking steps face!
Made it the rest of the way home and preserved the evidence of a successful day of walking.
I do believe this was a once-in-a-lifetime event for me. I’m tired and sore, but thankfully no blisters or other signs of wear and tear. I do feel a sense of accomplishment which is a good thing for me.
Things are bound to keep getting better. Right?
Turning back the pages to the times I love best I wonder if she’ll ever do the same Now the thing that I call living is just being satisfied With knowing I got no one left to blame
Carefree highway, got to see you my old flame Carefree highway, you seen better days The morning after blues from my head down to my shoes Carefree highway, let me slip away, slip away on you
Less than six months left in my working life. This week I’ve had cause to reflect on how much this part of my life has meant to me, especially these past couple of years.
As I look to the future of what I hope and imagine will be a life of leisure, I worry about how I will remain engaged and connected to the world around me. I’ve got some ideas in that regard, but will they really be satisfying? Only one way to find out I suppose.
So, what is it about working that I will miss? This week I had the occasion to participate in the 198th session of the Status of Forces Agreement (SOFA) Joint Committee. Basically, this is where the ROKs and US representatives get together to resolve issues of mutual concern in order to maintain a strong alliance.
It’s a pretty big deal, and it was really an honor for me to participate in what is very likely my last meeting with this group…
It’s always nice to see my name rendered in Hanguel.
I humbly serve as the Chairman of the Labor subcommittee. Which as you might have surmised is involved in resolving issues associated with our 12,000+ Korean National Workforce.
What else? Well, the money is good of course. And working again has allowed me to position myself to live a very comfortable lifestyle in the Philippines or wherever else my heart will lead me.
Today we had a Thanksgiving luncheon for my staff and afterwards I met with the Korean Employees Union leadership. We we able to bring closure to some longstanding issues and they left happy. There is satisfaction in that.
But what I’m going to miss the most is the people I work with. They are truly my work family. Honestly, after the marriage fell apart I was floundering. Having the purpose that work brought me and the respect and friendship I have for my team members made me feel a part of something much bigger than myself. I needed that the most.
(sorry for the pagination. For whatever reason I can’t seem to get paragraph breaks inserted)
I had mentioned in my previous post that I was upset by what I considered rude behavior by Joy on Friday night. Who knew she was a blog reader? After three days of the silent treatment I received this message from her:
I was rude to you ..???
It’s seems like u never grow up
Me rude to you ??? Ur such a liar …
I even give u a big hug and sit next to ur friend ..whoever he is…
And u took ur stuff move to other table ???
You making a scene ??? U acted like a kid ?
And causing me out ???
I am done with you ….
On your blog u were saying I was rude ?!!! … how about you ??? Ur such a drama king and acted like uneducated person …yelling at me in public telling me I’m a fucking bitch …And u said fuck you three times… U WANT ME TO RESPONSE TO YOUR BLOG ? smh
I hate you ..
Well, I already stated on the blog that I had been in the wrong and that I was sorry for my actions. I did not have a clear recollection of what I said, but I knew it was ugly. I’m very ashamed of myself for overreacting this way. I feel bad because I’m sure Joy got hit with a barrage of emotions I’ve been holding inside since the break-up with Loraine.
I’ve messaged Joy to express my sorrow and regret for hurting her with my words. No response. I ran into her on Monday night at the bar where we met and tried to apologize in person, but she turned her back on me.
And with this post I’ve told the world her side of the story, again taken responsibility for what happened, and said I’m sorry for the last time.
Had a nice surprise visit from my old buddy Duke Gates this weekend. I’ve been knowing Duke since around 2005 when he introduced me to the game of darts. He left Korea several years ago, but we’ve stayed in touch more or less. When I was back living in the states we’d always meet up. Haven’t gone back for almost two years now, so he came to me I guess you could say.
Here’s a strange story from the small world of the internets. I’m not sure where or why, but Duke had posted this picture on some website:
That’s me and Duke I’m guessing around 2010 or so.
Anyway, Duke get’s a random message from this girl:
She works at the dart bar I used to frequent here in Angeong-ri and she recognized me. The question she had for Duke was “is he your father?” That cracked us both up.
Anyway, I had planned to take Duke to the bar I Don’t Know the name of, even though I’m probably not welcome there anymore. But alas, they were hosting some kind of private party and we weren’t able to get inside.
So, there’s a father and not his son enjoying some adult beverages in the ville. We did a pretty nice pub crawl on Friday night.
That night did end on a sour note though. I had invited Joy, a woman I was interested in dating (we’ve had a couple of outings, but nothing too serious), to join us. She said she was tired and it was too cold to go out. Well, pretty near the end of our night out drinking we had settled into a bar called The Wall. And lo and behold, who comes waltzing in but Joy. She didn’t come over to greet me however, she was talking to some of the other girls who work there. I came over to say hello and introduce Duke and she made a grudging acknowledgement and moved over to the bar (sitting on the stool I had previously occupied) and started talking to the bartender. I was a bit taken aback and the bar was full, so Duke and I moved over to an empty table to wait. Then when I look up she’s walking out the door with nary a word or a goodbye.
Now, I was hurt and angry about her rudeness. I was also drunk. So I followed her out to the street and said some shit that I almost immediately regretted. And she stormed off into the night. I tried to send her an apology the next morning, but of course she has blocked me on messenger and is not accepting my calls.
Oh well, that’s the way it goes. I’m ashamed of my behavior but I’ve also lost all interest in having this particular Joy in my life.
I’m pretty much resolved to not pursue any romance for my remaining six months in Korea. There’s really no point. I had dinner with Mi Young the other night which was pleasant enough. I think the friend zone will be a safe place for me to stay while I wait to start my new life in the Philippines.
