“The trick is to live here and now in the timeless moment. To act like that’s all there is. No beginning, no end.”

Jack Higgins

That’s what I continue to strive for, anyway. And part of that is doing what I want, when I want, and doing a better job at saying no. I got tough with the mountain mama I’ve been supporting this week because I’m tired of her constant asking for more. I told her that her not being satisfied with what I can afford to provide for her takes all the joy out of giving. She changed her tune in a hurry when I hinted that maybe she should find a more generous sponsor. I understand and respect the fact that she is doing the best she can for her kids, but damn, a lot of people are struggling but getting by on less than the 10,000 pesos I’ve budgeted for her. I’m thinking that instead of doing weekly allowance installments, I’ll give her the whole amount at the first of every month; after that, she is on her own. Sorry for her, but it is past time that I toughen up.

My phone is fucking up again. I woke up yesterday morning, and it was beeping with a warning to disconnect the charger because moisture had been detected. It was fine when I plugged it in that night (and my shorts were dry, so I didn’t piss my pants). I guess the fix in Pattaya was temporary. I took the phone to a repair shop across the river in Matain, and they repaired it for 700 pesos. We’ll see how long this one lasts.

My co-Hare for next week’s Hash, Blow My Pipe, joined me for a scouting expedition yesterday morning. Finding something new without leaving town is pretty near impossible, but searching out trails that aren’t used frequently is a worthwhile goal. We put together a nice 5K+ hike with a couple of moderate climbs that I think will work well on Monday. We may add a loop for the hardcore guys to add some distance, or maybe not. You can hike it vicariously on Relive and see for yourself:

The dinner and gift-giving at Hideaway went well last night. I had just enough pasalubong for each girl to receive something, and they all seemed happy and appreciative. I guess that’s what it’s all about. I bought a special gift for Joy–a nail clipper set. She’s always messing with my fingernails with her hands while I’m sitting at the bar, so I figured I’d give her the tools to do the job right. She squealed with delight when she saw all that was in the kit. I asked if she wanted to go out back to the porch and give me a pedicure, and she excitedly answered, “Yes!”

I received a sweet Father’s Day card from my daughter yesterday:

I didn’t try even one puff or taste of marijuana during my week in the land where it is legal. But that didn’t stop me from doing some pot this morning:

And speaking of dope, there’s this:

And then there’s this:

I’m not sure what the latest news on that Titanic submarine situation is, but someone posted that a welcoming committee has already convened for them:

Has anyone thought of calling Popeye the Sailor Man?

Back in the saddle again with a Tuesday night bar crawl handing out the precious pasalubong gifts to my favorite bargirls. I have another delivery to make tonight at Hideaway and, of course, another Wednesday feeding.

I took a break from Barretto for a week, partly for a change of scenery but also hoping for a change in perspective. Maybe I needed another week or two to accomplish that. There were things I liked about seeing Pattaya again; after all, it had been one of the finalists when I was deciding where to retire. Returning this trip confirmed that I had made the right choice–Pattaya is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there. I guess I’ve grown accustomed to small-town living and enjoy being recognized around town. That doesn’t come easy in a bigger city, although I felt like a regular at the little restaurant I frequented and was treated very well by the friendly staff there. So, I expect I would have found a neighborhood vibe if I lived there. Of course, the primary drawback is the lack of English speakers. I’d really miss telling my lame jokes to the bargirls.

So, this is the life I’ve chosen, and it is the life I have. I intend to make the most of it for as long as I’m blessed to be among the living. Although I would love to find a companion to share the adventure, I’m embracing the knowledge that a solitary life comes with its own benefits, and if that is my destiny, so be it. Que sera, sera, and all that.

I didn’t make Monday’s Hash trail because I was still feeling tired after my long journey home. I did participate in the Hash circle and then visited Snackbar afterward. That place still reeks of memories for me, but I believe I’ve overcome their ability to sadden me. I’ll call that progress.

Yesterday I took care of restocking the pantry with my shopping excursion to Royal. Nothing has changed–the more I want something, the more likely it will be out of stock. Oh well, you just go with the flow.

While I was out of town, Joy got sick, so I had her go see Dr. Jo. I stopped by there yesterday to pay the bill and drop off some pasalubong for her and the hubby. We are planning a climb up Black Rock soon. Next stop was Johansson’s so I could deliver my gifts for Reggie. I saw Jim drinking alone at Sloppy Joe’s, and so I joined him. A couple of beers later, he came with me to Cheap Charlies.

The girls all seemed to enjoy their Thailand souvenirs. We were going to visit The Green Room next, but it was packed with pool league players. So, on a whim, we visited Voodoo.

Rumor has it she is the oldest working bargirl in town. Still has a great body, but her age is showing (like I’m one to talk). Anyway, before I took that photo she made a face that reminded me of someone I’d seen in the movies.

No offense intended.

I finished the night at Wet Spot, then grabbed a sandwich to go at Sit-n-Bull, had a trike driver greet me by name, and drove me home without needing directions.

Gee, it's good to be back home again
Sometimes this old town, feels like a long-lost friend
And hey, it's good to be back home again

I attended the SOB dance competition at Whiskey Girl last night. Big changes are taking place at that bar. The old management is out, and the new owner has his own ideas of what makes for a good bar. He told me the tables in front of the dance floor will be removed and replaced with couch seating. He’s also going to have live music at least once a week. It appears many of the girls who work there are following the old management to a new bar scheduled to open soon down the highway a bit. I don’t know, but at some point, we are going to hit the saturation point with more bars than customers to support them. Time will tell, I suppose.

A good show last night. I subsidized Jen’s salary through multiple lady drinks throughout the contest. She wasn’t there yet when I arrived at 4:30 (the bar is not technically scheduled to open until 5:00). The waitress who served me in her absence told me the “buy one, take one” offer didn’t start until five. No issues; that’s consistent with the five until eight signage at the front door. When Jen brought my first beer after five, she told me the buy one, take one wasn’t in effect because of the SOB. I got a little bit livid and said that’s not what I was told earlier, and it is not what the neon sign outdoors says. She went and consulted with management, and they relented and gave me the special price. Yay!

Oh, and Ashley was dancing with The Green Room team, and I fed her lady drinks as well—another SOBsidy.

When the show was over at 8:00, I was done, too. Drank my money’s worth, at least. You might call it an Ernest effort.

I spent the morning getting all my paperwork in order for my upcoming trip. That included making copies of my flight itinerary, my hotel confirmation, and the e-travel health pass the Philippine government requires to exit and enter the country. I also booked my onward ticket (one way to Guam) that Immigration requires when you enter the country on a tourist visa. It’s a throwaway ticket that cost me $16, but it shows I’m booked on a flight out of the country before my initial 30-day entry visa expires.

I’m on Cebu Pacific, one of those discount carriers I despise. But they offer the only flight to Bangkok for Angeles/Clark, saving me the dreaded trip to Manila. Cebu Pacific charges crazy prices for checked bags, so I’m attempting to pack for a week in my carry-on. I think I can do it, putting the excess in my backpack. I just checked the Cebu Pacific webpage, and it looks like they will charge me for having more than one carry-on (most airlines I’ve flown consider a small backpack similar to a purse and allow it without additional fees). Ah, well, what will be, will be.

So, that brings me to my last night in Barretto for a week, I’ll be out looking for some interesting people through my beer goggles. In the meantime, here are some of Scott’s photos from yesterday’s hike through Olongapo and SBMA:

Let me leave you with a final pun:

It’s been a busy 24 hours. Late in the afternoon, I got a message from my ex saying she was back in town and I should visit her bar to welcome her home. I asked what time the festivities began, and while waiting for her response, I baked a batch of brownies for the celebration. Except she never responded. So, I started my beer o’clock excursion at Sloppy Joe’s instead. During beer number two, I finally heard from her saying my friend Johnny had arrived and he was waiting for me. Oh well, why not?

When I arrived, she was seated at a table with several other customers, a couple of whom I recognized. I greeted them and her. I sat with my friend Johnny at an adjacent table. I gave the brownies to my waitress to share with the other girls, and a couple of them joined me for lady drinks. When the guests at my ex’s table departed, I thought she might join me for some chat. Instead, she disappeared into a back room without a word. I now know how Charlie Brown must have felt with Lucy holding the football. Why I keep going back to have my nose rubbed into the fact that I’m nothing to her is a whole other level of stupid. Maybe I’ve finally got the message.

I went to Wet Spot and ordered some food to take home from Sit-n-Bull. Had a nice chat with Daddy Dave while waiting for my food to arrive. I came home, ate, and was in bed by 8:30. I’m not going to lie, my feelings were hurt, and I was in a sour mood. Woke up at midnight panting again. My oximeter read 87, so I nebulized and went back to sleep. I was back up to 93 when I woke up to start my day. I’m thinking that when I sleep, I’m not breathing right–maybe apnea or something caused by the total blockage of my sinuses. I think I’m going to try and consult with a doctor during my visit to Pattaya.

The Friday morning walk was Steve and Scott joining me on the streets of Olongapo City as we made our way to the immigration office. I needed to pick up my ECC paperwork permitting me to leave the country on Sunday.

We weren’t done with our hike yet, though. We departed immigration, hoofed it to the old Navy base, and walked around some more. I’ll share pictures from our walk at the end of this post.

Near the end of our walk, we stopped at the Lighthouse Hotel and grabbed a bite to eat poolside.

As we were walking back to the highway after lunch, I started experiencing some shortness of breath. Not wanting to be confined to an uncomfortable Jeepney, I opted to spring for a taxi ride back to Barretto. Once I was settled into a soft seat with aircon on my face, I felt fine again.

While I was eating, my phone rang. I almost didn’t answer because I wasn’t expecting a call and didn’t recognize the number. I’m glad I did because it was the post office outside my gate with a package to deliver. I advised that the gate was unlocked, and my helper was home to receive the delivery.

This post’s title notwithstanding, I knew what was in the box. Kevin Kim had advised me a couple of weeks ago that he was sending me some T-shirts. I’m not sure if he ever specified what kind of t-shirt; if so, I forgot. I just assumed there were from the batch he had made for one of his long-distance hikes. So, I was very surprised to open the box and find this beauty:

Speaking of Kevin Kim, Facebook memories shared this moment from four years ago:

Still on memory lane, here I am seven years ago on my to a Korean wedding:

And finally, ten years ago, my dart league team celebrated being champions of the Seoul International Dart League:

Alright, here are those photos I promised. Scott hasn’t posted his takes yet, so these will have to do for now.

And after that, we grabbed the taxi home.

Time to get ready for the SOB, but I’ll leave you with this food for thought:

“I know that I have less to live than I have lived.

I feel like a child who was given a box of chocolates. He enjoys eating it, and when he sees that there is not much left, he starts to eat them with a special taste.

I have no time for endless lectures on public laws – nothing will change. And there is no desire to argue with fools who do not act according to their age. And there’s no time to battle the gray. I don’t attend meetings where egos are inflated and I can’t stand manipulators.

I am disturbed by envious people who try to vilify the most capable to grab their positions, talents and achievements.

I have too little time to discuss headlines – my soul is in a hurry.

Too few candies left in the box.

I’m interested in human people. People who laugh at their mistakes are those who are successful, who understand their calling and don’t hide from responsibility. Who defends human dignity and wants to be on the side of truth, justice, righteousness. This is what living is for.

I want to surround myself with people who know how to touch the hearts of others. Who, through the blows of fate, was able to rise and maintain the softness of the soul.

Yes, I hustle, I hustle to live with the intensity that only maturity can give. I’ll eat all the candy I have left – they’ll taste better than the ones I already ate.

My goal is to reach the end in harmony with myself, my loved ones and my conscience.

I thought I had two lives, but it turned out to be only one, and it needs to be lived with dignity.”

Anthony hopkins

Easier said than done, but I’m down with making the best use of whatever time I have left. Here’s what I’ve been doing since I last posted here at LTG:

After I ate, it was time to get ready to feed the Hideaway girls. This week they desired something different–Korean style eats!

Ashley, the gal that’s been coming to the Hash, started her new job at The Green Room last night. So, after leaving Hideaway, I stopped in to buy her a welcome drink or two. It’s good to see her working again, she’s got a big family to support.

Ashley’s a nice enough gal, and I appreciate that she enjoys some of my favorite activities, like hiking and beer drinking. I have every intention of keeping her strictly in the friend zone.

I didn’t stay out late in deference to my tired old lungs. Went to bed early and woke up panting (I was alone, so not the good kind) at midnight. I registered 87 on my oximeter. I nebulized and went back to sleep. When I got up this morning I was 89. I nebulized again and walked the dogs. When I checked my blood oxygen level again, I was back to my “normal” 95. I’m not sure what’s going on with that.

In an overabundance of caution, I decided to confine my morning walk to the neighborhood. To make that effort a little more interesting, I took a photo of each house currently under construction here in Alta Vista. I had an uphill walk back to the house and I was breathing hard when I got home. Checked my oxy reading again and I was at 96. So, there doesn’t seem to be any correlation to my lack of lung capacity and blood oxygen levels. Weird.

Here’s those houses being built:

Shenandoah Bend (my street)

Everglades Drive:

Alta Vista Drive

Capitol Drive

So, that’s where things stand (and I’m still standing!). Nothing left to do now but carry on.

The sky is clearing and the night has cried enough
The sun, he comes, the world to soften up
Rejoice, rejoice, we have no choice but to carry on

The fortunes of fables are able to sing the song
Now witness the quickness with which we get along
To sing the blues you've got to live the dues and carry on

Carry on, love is coming, love is coming to us all

My lung issues have flared up again; this is probably the worst outbreak I’ve had. There are even sound effects–when I exhale, I wheeze so loudly it almost sounds like snoring. I also had low energy levels; I couldn’t even force myself out for my standard Sunday solo stroll. The nebulizer helps some, and I am using it with much more frequency. Hopefully, this is just a phase and not my new normal.

In lieu of walking, I took a morning nap. And another in the afternoon. In between, I watched the final episodes of Lucifer. I’ll write a separate post with my thoughts on that series.

I felt strong enough to go to Hideaway Bar for the Sunday feeding. On the way, I stopped at Jewel Cafe and ordered the standard fare: pork sisig, garlic prawns, and chicken wings.

When I departed Hideaway, I went to John’s place for my food.

So, next week I’ll be in Pattaya, Thailand. The timing for this trip couldn’t be better. I need a break from my routines and a change of scenery. I also want some time alone to think about what comes next. More of the same, or trying something new?

A commenter on a recent post suggested I cut everyone off that are currently receiving financial support from me and see what happens. Will they still be my “friends,” or will they disappear once nothing can be gained from knowing me? I know what it feels like to be ignored when you aren’t buying lady drinks; it happened again last night at Sloppy Joe’s. And that’s okay, but a smart bargirl will pretend at least to like you. My style is to order a beer, and if someone engages with me while I drink it, I’ll buy her a drink when I order my second. Last night, the gals were more interested in their phones than me, so I saved some money.

It’s a bit different situation with my “regulars” like Joy and Mary. Last week Joy needed money to enroll her five-year-old in kindergarten, and her other kid had a birthday on Saturday. On Wednesday, I tipped her what I thought was a generous 1000 pesos to assist with those expenses. On Friday, she messaged me that she didn’t have money for her kid’s birthday. I reminded her I had provided her with money for that purpose, but she said it wasn’t enough to cover everything. I didn’t respond after that, but it irritated me that she somehow thinks I’m responsible for taking care of her children. Joy messaged me yesterday asking if I was coming to Hideaway, and I told her I didn’t want to be a disappointment to her again. I was surprised and somewhat taken aback by her response:

” You are not a disappointment. You’re the most important person in my life. Don’t think you are a disappointment because you are not. I just said that [about the birthday] because I was sad. I didn’t say you disappointed me. I’m sorry that I made you feel that way. Sorry!”

Okay, I can be a tad oversensitive, I suppose. So maybe she wasn’t chiding me about not giving her enough money. That part about being the “most important” is downright scary. Whatever I decide to do, I do not want to hurt someone’s feelings. Oddly enough, of all the bargirls I know, Joy would be the best fit as a girlfriend/companion. Except she has those two young children who I know are more important to her than me, as they should be. I’m not looking to raise someone else’s kids, so that makes any potential relationship a no-go.

Then there’s Mary. The age gap (and her kid) always made the reality of our arrangement obvious. Turns out, though, that lately, I’ve been thinking I’m not cut out to be a Sugar Daddy either. She began a new job at John’s place yesterday, and I hope it works out for her. That’s why I went for the pulled pork–Mary needed money to pay for her medical and some employment certificate from City Hall (probably confirming that she is eighteen). So, naturally, I provided the funds. Anyway, I don’t mind helping her transition to a real job, which will make it easier for me to resign as her sponsor.

Lots to think about. Hopefully, my health will improve because nothing else matters when you wake up breathless.

I’m going to attempt the Hash this afternoon. Guenther is the Hare, but there is a “mostly flat 7K easy trail” alternative. I guess we’ll find out what he considers flat and easy. What’s the worst that could happen?

More to come soon, including the Lucifer post.