Today I made my debut with the Sausage Walkers. It’s a hiking group that meets every Wednesday. Kind of a spin off from the Hash, at least just about everybody I saw today was also a Hasher. None of the Hash rituals however and the trail isn’t mark, we march as a group which I personally like. No being alone on the mountain. It’s also nice to have new trails to hike as I’m sick and tired of my usual routes. Anyway, it was a good time. Didn’t take me photos as I didn’t want to slow down the group. But here’s a couple:
The newest sausage walker. Apparently the name comes from the fact that a former member used to prepare a sausage lunch for the group….
This is where we stopped for lunch today. Everyone brings there own. I wasn’t really prepared, but I did have an apple and cheese and some nuts….
A very long and steep climb to the top…this was the easy part…
But it was a beautiful day.
What else have I been up to? Well, yesterday I took Buddy with me on a beach walk.
He seemed to enjoy the new smells but definitely did not like the water!
I enjoyed a scenic sunset from my upstairs balcony…
The remains of the day….
And then headed out to give the floating bar at the Arizona resort a try. It was mostly nice except for the lady drink pressure…
It was good to be on trail again after a two week absence. I was actually hoping to Hash while I was in South Carolina but the timing didn’t work out. Oh well.
Yesterday’s trail was relatively easy in that there were no mountains to climb (and descend). Longish at almost 7K though and the weather was on the warm side. As usual I will let the photos do the talking…
The route we took. Finished “on-home” at Treasure Island….
Gathering up at Johansson’s.
Folks seemed glad to have me back. Leech my Nuggets also commented on my weight gain. Bastard.
Last minute instructions from the Hare, Anal Retentive.
And we are “on-on”. Yeah, that’s me taking a picture…
….while getting my picture taken.
A good portion of the trail was through the urban landscape…
…such as it is…
Surprise, surprise…the trail led through my subdivision again…in fact, that’s my house on the left…
….some countryside,,,
…and then a small village….
…a rather poor village…
And then back into the wild….
A horny Carabao in the tall grass…
I got my shoes wet at this stream crossing. Other folks took their shoes off first….
…or better yet got carried across…
a scenic scene…
The home stretch….
Down these narrow and uneven steps to the National Highway…where everyone else caught a Jeepney back. Not me! I walked alone the rest of the way, I’m no shortcutter!
Otherwise I would have missed this reminder of just how good I have it.
The Matain river in all her glory. Such as it is.
Not much else to report from the after Hash activities. I avoided the ice and chatted some with Jessa who was working last night. Not sure what happens next. Stay tuned!
Well I’m lonely now but my heart is free
I enjoy a beer and watch a tree,
I can see a cloud and feel the breeze,
I can buy some bread and a bit of cheese.
And I know full well it is my right
To begin to live the rest of my life
Yep, cracked open one of the poetry books I lugged back from the states. That’s a taste of some James Kavanaugh.
Started my Monday off right with a good walk up the National Highway towards Subic Town.
Which afforded me a new view of the bay from a different perspective.
I think I’m going to establish a walking route for each day of the week. I’m somewhat limited in where I’m willing to hike unaccompanied. I love being up on the mountains but it just feels to risky to do so alone. But I have the Hash for that, so…
Last night Jessa joined me for dinner at Mango’s. It was a bit of a fiasco in that she brought along her friends Kat and RuRu. I mean, that’s fine but I was anticipating our first one-on-one meeting and maybe some intimate getting to know you better talk. It just kind of put me off I guess and I was disappointed. She did stay and join me for a couple of beers after dinner but by then the moment was gone. I think she realized that because she sent me a message saying she’d come alone next time. Well, assuming there is a next time.
It seemed that even the moon was smiling on my foolishness last night.
Well, it is Hash Monday and I’m looking forward to being back on trail after a two week hiatus. So there’s that at least.
Now I have no plans for security,
No proper wife can depend on me,
I’m not too sure of eternity
But I know when a heart is really free.
And I walk along with a step that’s light
To begin to live the rest of my life.
–James Kavanaugh
…or half empty? Either way, I’m half way through my first year of life in the Philippines. It’s been a bit of a roller coaster ride so far but I’m making some needed changes in my outlook and I’m feeling much more positive about the future. It’s all about turning failures into opportunities, so I’ve got a lot of good material to work with!
No need to recap all the “trials, tribulations and adventures” I’ve blogged about this past six months. Yes, I’ve made a few mistakes and missteps but that happens when you are learning as you go I suppose. I did kind of fuck up in a new way Friday night though, here’s that story:
So I don’t do the girly bars all that much, but one of my favorites is Alaska bar. It used to be in Angeles City and was the first bar I visited on my first trip to the Philippines all those years ago. I usually buy drinks for Kim, one of the dancers there, on those occasions I do visit. Friday night I wasn’t alone however (that’s a story for another time) so I left Kim on stage. I’d been drinking all night in celebration of my return home so was feeling no pain. And after a few more beers at Alaska I asked the waitress to change a 500 peso bil into ten 50 peso notes.
At this point Kim was dancing on stage with two other girls. I went up and gave each of the other two a 50 peso tip, then sat back down. They both looked at Kim and then at me, and Kim was standing there with a WTF? look on her face. So, I get back up and give both of the other girls another 50 pesos then returned to my seat. Yeah, I know this sounds really fucked up. And yes, it was fucked up. But I was honestly doing it as a joke. Just teasing Kim. Yeah, looking back I can see it wasn’t very funny at all. Anyway, the “punchline” was for me to go back to the stage and say “Oops, I forgot someone” and give Kim a generous tip.
It didn’t work out that way. Kim was pissed. When I tried to hand her some money she refused to take it. I said, c’mon I was kidding around, but she told me “I don’t need your money!” I tried and tried but she wouldn’t budge. It’s a pretty big deal when a girl who makes maybe 300 pesos a day salary refuses a 150 peso tip. I sat back down, finished my beer and left. I was pretty embarrassed at this point.
Anyway, as I usually do I woke up in the middle of the night, sober now, and thought back on the incident at Alaska. And of course I felt like a jerk, all the more so because I had acted like one. Yes, it was not my intention to be demeaning and disrespectful, but that doesn’t change the fact that that is exactly what I was. I felt shitty about that and resolved to make amends. Last night I set about doing so.
I started with a few beers at Cheap Charlies and had a good time for a change. But I had a mission to undertake at Alaska bar so I headed on over. When I walked in the door Kim was on stage but wouldn’t look at me. I sat down and ordered a beer while she continued to ignore me. The other girls knew something was up and there was definitely some tension in the air. I called the waitress over and said I wanted to buy Kim a drink. Kim didn’t want it! Now, that is pretty much unheard of in the bar business. And then the mamasan (the manager of the dancers) intervened. I saw her talking to Kim and I’m sure she basically ordered her to drink with me, like it or not. So Kim very reluctantly joined me at my table.
As shitty as I had felt, I felt even worse now. So I dived into a heartfelt apology. I explained that it was my bad attempt at a joke but that I realized later how it must have made her feel. I told her how sorry I was to have treated her badly and that I would never have intentionally disrespected her that way. And then I pulled out my ace in the hole–some chocolate! I offered up a giant sized Kit Kat bar as a gesture of the sincerity of my apology. And ever so slowly the ice began to melt.
Kim told me that I had always been her favorite customer and that she had really been hurt by my behavior the previous night. She said she actually cried after I had left. Granted, that could all be bullshit but there is no question whatsoever that my behavior had truly hurt her feelings. I again told her that it was not my intent to make her feel bad, it was all just a joke that had gone wrong. I ordered up more drinks and we continued to talk. I learned more about her and it actually turned out to be a very nice evening. I gave her a 1000 peso tip (about $20 or one week’s salary) which of course made her night and we parted with our friendship intact.
I always try to treat the bargirls with respect. They have an incredibly difficult job and dealing with assholes makes it all the harder. My actions were totally out of line and out of character for me. It won’t happen again you can count on that! I came away with a new found respect for Kim as well. She had stood her ground admirably and made it clear that even though her body may be, her pride was not for sale. Keep on rockin’, Kim!
Another lesson learned. I’m confident I’m going to do the next six months better than I did these past ones. Onward!
“you must first accept that while there are things that have happened in your life that you had no say in, you are 100 percent responsible for what you do with your life in the aftermath of those events. Always, every time, no excuses.”
–Gary John Bishop “Unfuck Yourself”
“If human emotions largely result from thinking, then one may appreciably control one’s feelings by controlling one’s thoughts–or by changing the internalized sentences, or self-talk, with which one largely created the feeling in the first place.”
–Albert Ellis
So yep, I working on upping my self-talk game by emphasizing the positives in my life rather than the failures. It’s not as easy as it sounds especially when faced with yet another disappointment, the details of which I’ll spare you. There’s much, much more good than bad in my life and even what may feel like a failure now could well prove to be an opportunity down the road. Regardless, much better to count my blessings rather than my heartbreaks, right?
First time back on the scales since my vacation to the states and it wasn’t good news–I gained ten pounds! Not really a surprise given the way I was eating high card junk snacks coupled with a serious decrease in my exercise routine. So, I have a new goal to strive for and I am on it! (see more positive self-talk!)
Today’s walk on the beach revealed that the Arizona floating bar is back in operation. Not that I go there much, but it means rainy season is officially over. These next few months are the best time of the year here, or so I am told.
Not a whole lot else to report from here. Had a chat with Gina and let her know I’m not ready for a relationship just yet. She seemed to take that disappointment in stride. We’ll see. I’m gonna follow through on the date with Jessa tomorrow although I don’t foresee a future with her either. I think it’s best that I use this particular time in my life to just embrace the adventure and enjoy what each day may bring.
“It’s not that you have to find the answer, you are the answer.”
–Gary John Bishop
“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.
–Epictetus
Made it! By my reckoning the trip took 32 hours door-to-door (19 hours in the air, 10 sitting in airports, and 3 hours drive time). Given the date line thing, I left on Wednesday morning and arrived on Friday morning.
The trip went with nary a hitch. Well, I was dozing in the Asiana lounge at Incheon when I was awakened by a pretty Korean woman in uniform. “Mr. McCrarey?” um yeah. “We have a problem.” Not exactly the words I wanted to wake up to. Apparently the problem was my business class seat was broken and there were no other business class seats available. She was very apologetic and told me they would give me a whole row of coach seats to myself and a $300 refund. Not like I had much choice but I told her that would be fine. She was relieved and asked if she could take a picture with me “for her boss”. Hell, I never could say no to a sexy Korean. Anyway, the epilogue to the story is that after I got to the gate and got my boarding pass changed I asked about my money. Was told it was being brought to the gate by a courier. Shortly thereafter an Asiana agent approached with the news that maintenance had repaired my seat so it all went back to the way it was before. That was fine by me.
I was a little bit nervous at customs in Clark airport because I had two heavy suitcases filled with not just dirty clothes but also the shitload of supplies I bought to carry me through another year in the Philippines. I never declare any goods and since they were all for personal use I’m not sure I have to. Still, when I saw them requiring everyone to open their bags while a customs officer took a look inside, I thought “oh shit”. As I got closer to the front of the line I observed that they were waving some folks on through, it appeared they were only checking bags carried by Koreans. Sure enough, the agent motioned me to keep on moving and with a sigh of relief that’s just what I did!
My driver Donny was waiting and my helper Tere and her friend Gina had come along for the ride. Got back home around 0400. Unpacked my bags, had a couple of beers, checked the internets, and then hit the sheets. Just as I was dozing off, I felt someone crawling into bed beside me. It was Gina! Guess I wasn’t as tired as I felt. I never could say no to an attractive Filipina.
Oh yeah, Buddy was happy to see me too. At first, he didn’t know what to do. I’m not sure he believed it was really me. When I first walked in the door, he looked at me, barked, and ran up the stairs. He came back down, looked at me again, had a sniff, then ran back up stairs. He ran back down, smelled me again, sneezed, and then was all over me. It was kind of sweet. He didn’t leave my side the rest of the night.
Me on the beach again!
Back into my regular routine this morning. Walked Buddy then did my Baloy Beach/Subic Town hike. Worked up a good sweat then came home and took a nap. Tonight I’ll head out to Alley Cats with my Pasalubong (candy for everyone!).
So, it’s good to be back. I’m trying on a new attitude in an effort to “unfuck myself”. My new book is providing some tips on keeping it that way. No excuses!
And of course, I’ll miss my family back home. They seem to be getting along just fine without me, and I’ll be back next year to see them all again.
The last supper on Tuesday night…
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears”
–Marcus Aurelius
0400 here in Columbia I’ll be driving to Charlotte, dropping the rental car off, and if all goes well, catching my 7:30 flight to Atlanta. I’ll hang out there for awhile then make the long Atlanta to Seoul flight, arriving Thursday afternoon. Five hour layover in Seoul, then on to Clark/Angeles, arriving at 0200 on Friday.
Whew. Gonna be a LONG day!
Alright, on with it! See you on the other side of the world.
As wonderful as it has been spending time with the kids and grands, a sense of sadness has permeated my long awaited return “home” to Columbia. It’s been nearly three years since my last visit and of course I was accompanied on that trip by my wife. She’s gone now and so is the life we had built here together. Well, not entirely gone. It seems everywhere I turn I’m confronted by a memory. And those memories are a bitter reminder of what I had and what I lost. By no means was it a perfect life, but it was the life I chose to share with her and I was content to live out the remainder of my days making the best of it.
And now I’m living a completely different life in a far away land. Thus far it’s been a lonely life which makes the emptiness I feel inside all the more difficult to bear. I miss feeling loved. I miss having someone at my side. I miss how it felt to be satisfied with my life. Coming back has brought those feelings to the forefront of my consciousness and left me struggling to maintain some semblance of peace of mind. It’s been keeping me awake at night because my brain ignores me when I tell it to “shut the fuck up!”
I am well aware of all the common sense platitudes. The past is the past, it can’t be changed or lived in. You have to let go and move forward. Focus on the things you have and not the things you’ve lost. Be ready for the next big thing in life, don’t let yesterday control your tomorrows. I think for the most part I’ve been doing those things, some days more successfully than others. But being here now has made me understand that there is a part of me that is gone forever. And no matter how much encouragement you might give an amputee, the fact remains that he will never be the same again. Yes, you still have to go on and make the best of what is left to you, but all the words in the world will never make you whole.
Okay, that’s just about enough of feeling sorry for myself. On my sleepless nights I do contemplate how I might go about building a life that will bring me, if not happiness, then at least a sense of satisfaction. But how to I get there from here? Well, I’m certainly not the first man who has found himself at this crossroad. And through the power of the internets I’ve managed to ferret out some words of wisdom. Or at least words that resonate with me. The first came from a submission to a Thai forum I frequent: No More “Nice Guy” in Thailand (I just change Thailand to the Philippines as I read, both are similar for these purposes). It begins with this:
A woman should be a compliment to your life, not the focus.
I guess that seems obvious, but I think I’ve been guilty of believing that if I could just find the “right one” I would be a happy man. It doesn’t work that way though, does it? The author goes on to say:
Understanding that you alone are responsible for your happiness and if you depend on a woman for your happiness, you are going to be controlled by emotions and on the road to ruin. Rather, your focus should be on living life as an integrated, confident male with a growth mindset who is striving to be the best version of himself. Aware of his self-worth and be value driven, as opposed to being driven by what other people think of him. It’s ok to be considerate of other people’s feelings but it’s not ok to be driven by them.
Yeah, I can get behind that concept. The trick of course is implementing it. I’m a sucker when it comes to love! Anyway, if you are so inclined, go ahead and read the post about avoiding the “Nice Guy” syndrome. It’s good food for thought.
I previously alluded to a book I’ve ordered that is supposed to be delivered today (hurry up!). It’s called “Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life”. It sounds like it was written with me in mind! Here’s the Amazon synopsis:
Are you tired of feeling fu*ked up? If you are, Gary John Bishop has the answer. In this straightforward handbook, he gives you the tools and advice you need to demolish the slag weighing you down and become the truly unfu*ked version of yourself. ”Wake up to the miracle you are,” he directs. ”Here’s what you’ve forgotten: You’re a fu*king miracle of being.” It isn’t other people that are standing in your way, it isn’t even your circumstances that are blocking your ability to thrive, it’s yourself and the negative self-talk you keep telling yourself.
In Unfu*k Yourself, Bishop leads you through a series of seven assertions:
I am willing.
I am wired to win.
I got this.
I embrace the uncertainty.
I am not my thoughts; I am what I do.
I am relentless.
I expect nothing and accept everything.
Lead the life you were meant to have—Unfu*k Yourself.
I’ve got a 30 hour trip ahead of me tomorrow. I’ll spend some of them trying to unfuck myself!
Once I’m back in the Philippines I’ve got some decisions to make. Primarily, do I truly want to be in a relationship or should I just remain a free agent? It may come as a surprise that I do appear to have some options. I didn’t say they were necessarily good options mind you. For example, my domestic helper Tere has this friend Gina. Gina is from Manila and has come to visit Tere on several occasions, staying at the house for a week or two (she sleeps in Tere’s room). Although I have never really had a meaningful conversation with Gina (she always seemed shy around me) I did accept her Facebook friend request. She’s been sending me messages about “missing me” and hoping we can have a relationship together when I return. Yeah, I know that sounds bizarre, but actually it is not all that unusual with Filipinas. Still freaks me out though. I’ve told her she doesn’t even know me but that doesn’t seem to matter to her. She’s got a pretty cute body on her, I’ll give her that. But at this point in time I’m not inclined to take the easy way.
I’ve also heard from Jessa while I’ve been out of the country. She’s the gal I helped celebrate her 30th birthday recently (blog post here). Apparently there’s some fucked up shit happening at her work and she wants to quit. Of course, she has a daughter to support so needs to find a new job first. She teasingly (I think) said I should fire my helper and hire her. She also told me she needs a vacation and asked (teasingly?) when I was going to take her to Palawan. I responded we could have dinner when I returned and talk about that and she said “okay”. I hope she was serious.
She’s actually a sweet gal and has a good head on her shoulders. I think I could go for that, but honestly I never got the impression she was into me at all. It may be worth finding out one way or another.
The other avenue I’m considering is to just meet up with dating websites gals in locations I want to visit. I’ve been chatting with several so far and although I haven’t felt any sparks, having a nice “tour guide” to keep me company has some appeal. Blow into town, have a good time, and head on out unscathed and unattached. That’s one way to do it.
Or hell, maybe I’ll just become a whore and start fucking bargirls. I don’t know. I haven’t read the book yet.
Old habits die hard, some wounds never heal
We got what we came for, this is part of the deal
I can’t forget you, I can’t even try
Sometimes it seems like somebody died
Old soldiers die hard, old hearts beat slow
Old friends go easy, old lovers just go
Some fools never learn, ain’t that what they say
I turned for a moment, you turned away
You had your reasons, God only knows
If it bothered you baby, it never showed
Old soldiers die hard, old hearts beat slow
Old friends go easy, old lovers just go
An uneventful but scenic drive “home” yesterday. Winding things down here and mentally preparing for my long journey which will begin Wednesday morning in Charlotte and end Friday morning in Angeles City, Philippines. Makes me tired just thinking about it.
Speaking of being tired, I’m still not able to sleep through the night. I can’t blame jet lag at this point, I think it is all in my head. More on that another time.
So, since I was up with the sun, I did my laundry and started the packing process. Went out to see one of those “doc-in-the-box” to get refills for my nine(!) prescription meds. They actually had a doctor’s office in the local CVS pharmacy which was pretty convenient. The most I could get were 90 day supplies and the doctor just tapped them into the computer and sent them straight over to the pharmacy. When I went to pick them up though they had only filled them for 30 days. Anyway, once the doc gets back from lunch I’m told they will sort it all out. I’ll have to make another trip to CVS later.
I ordered a replacement for my credit card which expires in January. It came today while I was at the pharmacy. Since I wasn’t here to sign, I’ll have to make a post office run tomorrow. No big deal except I’m not sure which post office services this neighborhood. I’ll figure it out.
While I was waiting for the incorrect prescriptions I headed over to the local shopping complex for pasalubong (Tagalog, “[something] for when you welcome me”) is the Filipino tradition of travelers bringing gifts from their destination to people back home.[1] Pasalubong can be any gift or souvenir brought for family or friends after being away for a period of time.[2] It can also be any gift given by someone arriving from a distant place). I’ll need to pick up a few more items to carry back so as not to disappoint my hometown acquaintances.
And finally, I salvaged some books to carry back with me.
Yes, they are all poetry books. Balm for my wounded spirit which has taken a beating when I wandered down memory lane.
One more book is on it’s way from Amazon. Guaranteed delivery is scheduled for tomorrow. It will probably come when I’m at the post office trying to retrieve my credit card. Ah well.
The Blue Ridge mountains to be precise. A little town called Seven Devils near Banner Elk, North Carolina. Beautiful being up here with the family.
Interesting drive up here. Rained most of the way and then we hit fog once we gained some elevation. Also had an accident happen just a couple of car links ahead of me. The driver somehow hit the median and lost control, was spinning and bouncing around, pieces of the car flying about, then slid back into the highway backwards. I’m doing 60 mph and went into full avoidance mode, dodging him off to the right shoulder and successfully bypassing the wreckage. Scary shit!
Getting up to our “cabin” in the woods was on some steep, narrow and twisty highway, but damn, I can’t recall ever driving a more beautiful road. And it’s nice having everyone sharing time under one roof again. Let’s go to the pictures:
Told you it was foggy!
“It’s not smoke, it’s vapor!” I actually thought we were in the Smoky Mountains. Granddaughter Gracyn schooled me on my erroneous geography. “It’s the Blue Ridge papa!”
Out of the fog and heading on up…
We are past peak, but there is still plenty of color in the trees…
The cabin is a 5 bedroom McMansion!
The requisite fireplace. It’s gas log which keeps things easy peasy…
The bar with a huge screen TV.
The living area…
Dining with a view…
Working in the kitchen…we had homemade pizza last night…
Downstairs basement features a pool table…
…Ping pong and darts and outside is a Jacuzzi…
I snagged the downstairs bedroom…
….featuring this big ass bathtub and walk in shower…
And four more bedrooms upstairs…
No idea what this thing is for…
Got a little snow last night…
Me and the kids keeping warm by the fire…
I was up with the sun this morning…
…enjoying the morning views…
A full day of hanging with the family is on tap. Hopefully it warms up some and I can get in a nice mountain hike.
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.
The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.
The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned
‘This is a powerful medicine.
You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: ‘1-2-3.’
When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want.”
The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked:
“How do I stop the medicine from working?”
“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,’ he responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine
and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: “1-2-3!”
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was so excited she began throwing off her clothes, and asked:
“What was the 1-2-3 for?”
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
A nice Halloween, certainly nothing like I’ve experienced in quite a few years. Spent it with son Kevin, his wife Lauren, and my sweet granddaughter Gracyn. Daughters Renee and Avery rounded it out making for a great family gathering.
Kevin and Lauren’s new house is really amazing. Great job guys!
Granddaughter Sydney is sweeter than a Tootsie Roll!
Let the trick or treating begin!
One house was giving out super sized candy bars…
I was impressed with how much many in the neighborhood were really into the holiday.
Free candy if you dare!
Nice costumes…
“I ain’t afraid of no ghost!”
Sydney shared her bounty with me. “I don’t like Goodbar anyway papa”
I wasn’t in costume but I was pleased my mailman uniform still fit after 40+ years.
And Avery had a good time enjoying adult beverages with her partner Rebecca…
Did I mention that Sydney is sweet, smart, and brutally honest?
It was a good time for sure. A little bittersweet because I was visited by Jee Yuen’s ghost. Again. Ah well.
Yesterday I got up off my lazy ass and went for a hike.
I needed to try out my new Hashing shoes. If you wear new shoes to the Hash you are required to drink a beer–poured inside said shoe. I’m going to try and keep that from happening!
I lived in Columbia from 1986-1997, and again from 2011-2014 (most of the time anyway). Yesterday I realized that in all those years I had never actually visited this state park. I’m not sure why, I drove past a kazillion times…
I chose the Sandhills Trail for no other reason than it was the first trail head I encountered after parking my car. It was only 2 miles long (a loop) so I also did a separate nature trail later.
Let’s get started!
The Sandhills trail circles the lake…
There were just a few people in the park on this Tuesday afternoon and none of them were renting boats…
A flock of big ass geese were hanging out lakeside…
Well maintained and mostly flat trails…
And nice walkways to navigate over the wetlands…
I was up the proverbial creek when I took this photo!
Commenter Kevin Kim asked to see the fruit salad I made for the barn party. Here’s what remains.
If you want to see the sausage salad being made, you can check out step-by-step pics of a previous batch I made here.
I’m writing this at 0200 so I’m obviously still not sleeping through the night. I did check my Fitbit sleep stats and with the exception of my Wednesday travel day where I slept less than three hours, I’ve been getting my fairly normal five or six of sleep. They are just coming in bits and pieces lately. This too shall pass.
I received the hiking socks I ordered from Amazon today and had to laugh.
Made is South Korea! What are the odds?
That’s my story!
One of the things I’ve been doing while I’m not sleeping is getting a taste of some of the comfort foods I’ve been missing. Did the Waffle House breakfast, had a 5 Guys burger, and yesterday I went to Rush’s…
…And got my favorite wing fix on.
Honestly though, nothing has been quite as good as I remembered.
It was a beautiful day yesterday so I got my lazy ass out for a 1.5 hour walk around the neighborhood.
Ah, the peace and tranquility of a suburban stroll…
But seriously, my previous walks have been to shopping venues and this is not really a pedestrian friendly town. Hardly any sidewalks. So, I appreciated the quiet residential streets, and even the main road had those nice wide shoulders. It was really quite pleasant. Today I plan to visit a nearby state park–Sesquicentennial–which purportedly has some good long hiking trails (haha, I wasn’t much of a walker for all those years I lived here). Daughter Avery also reminded me that there are some nice walking paths along the Congaree riverside. At the least I should have some better pictures to post, right?
Still have some shopping to finish up, Halloween get together tomorrow night, and a weekend in the Smoky Mountains of North Carolina are on tap.
Still not sleeping right, but what are you going to do? I’ve been staying up later and later thinking I might actually sleep through the night. Nope, 3:00 a.m. rolls around and my brain says “wake up so you can listen to me think about shit you can’t change anyway!”. I threw in the towel tonight and went to bed at 7:30 p.m. because I had a long day and I was tired and drunk. Woke up at 10:30 p.m. and here I am. Maybe I’ll stay up and go to bed at 3:00 just to see what my brain thinks about that.
So, besides not sleeping what have I been up to? Well, I’ve done some shopping and I’m steadily filling that empty suitcase I brought with me.
More stuff on the way from Amazon. Still some things to pick up at the brick and mortar stores as well. Maybe should have brought a bigger suitcase!
In shopping related news, I purchased some new Levi’s jeans. And I bought them with a 34″ waist. And they fit! Three years ago I was wearing 42″‘s. Now, I haven’t been getting my steps in thus far this trip and my dietary discipline has been non-existent. If I’m gonna continue to wear my new jeans comfortably I’m going to have to get up off my lazy ass and get back on the program. Motivation!
Dinner with daughter Renee and grandson Alex last night.
Then I had my daughter drop me off at a nearby redneck dive bar to get drunk relax and watch the game. I seemed to fit right in, don’t you think?
As I mentioned above, I’m up every morning at o’dark thirty and it being Sunday morning everyone in the house was sleeping in. So I went out in search of some breakfast and found it here:
Hard to go wrong with Cracker Barrel!
Not exactly low-carb but delicious. I was also impressed with the friendly and attentive service. I guess I must have looked lonely sitting there eating all alone.
Once the daughter woke up we headed out to the grocery store to purchase the ingredients to make a batch of my Aunt Pat’s World Famous Recipe Fruit Salad. What was the occasion? We were attending a Barn Party this afternoon! What’s a Barn Party you may be asking? Well I didn’t know either. But it seems to be a staple of the horse show crowd, and granddaughter Gracyn runs with that crowd.
The barn…
A show horse…
Exercise ring…
Pumpkins the kids would be carving up later…
Some of the fellow Barn Party goers…
…and some uninvited intruders flew in…
That’s Gracyn’s trainer with her dog who can jump like he has springs for legs.
“let me outta here!” Alright, you asked for it….
The horses got dressed up for Halloween. This one didn’t look too happy in his Mickey Mouse garb.
Anyway, it was a nice afternoon with the granddaughter…
After the party, we met up with the son and his family for some dinner.
And no, sweet Sydney was not on the menu! This little girl really makes me laugh…
My pulled pork plate was most excellent!
After dinner a young man approached me and said “how’s it going John?”. I was taken aback because I really didn’t recognize him. He told me “I remember you for the Kwagga [the now defunct local dart bar] days”. Then I remembered and said nice to see you again Shaun. And it was.
Okay, that brings y’all up to date and me to just a little past one in the morning. Can I make it until 3? The adventure continues!
I knew coming in that this trip back after three years was going to be a tough one emotionally. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the memories. I am reminded of mom and dad frequently. There were letters and notes from both of them in my time machine box. Their passing was of course inevitable and somehow that makes it easier to bear.
Walking around the area this morning I saw so many places where I had spent time with Jee Yeun. Grocery shopping in Publix without her was surreal. The restaurants where we ate together. Even the jewelry store where she bought my wedding band. So much for promises. So much for forever. After almost three years I’m still not over it. Perhaps I never will be.
I don’t mean to come off as a wuss. I’m dealing with it as best as I know how. But during the jet lag fueled sleepless hours my mind can’t seem to stop itself from “going there”. I know that life is gone forever, but it still makes me sad.
It was great seeing my son Kevin, his wife Lauren, and my sweet granddaughter Sydney again.
Sydney is six now and she’s really quite amazing. Loves to tell jokes and laughs at mine. Smart as hell too, great vocabulary and knows stuff that lots of grownups don’t, i.e. state capitals. Anyway, I’m not going to be one of those bragging grandfathers (much), but she was really fun to be around. Looking forward to more time with the other grands too.
Kind of a tough night sleep-wise. No problems staying awake through the evening hours so I thought I had the jet thing whipped. Woke up at 2:30 in the morning and couldn’t get back to sleep until 6:00. Woke up at 9:00 and it was raining which precluded me taking my planned walk. Fooled around on the internet, then went back to bed and slept until the early afternoon. Geez.
Wasn’t a total waste of a day though because I discovered this:
A time machine.
Yeah, I know it looks like an Ernest & Julio Gallo wine box. But when I looked inside I was transported back to the early 1970s. The contents included:
My high school sweetheart Karen’s senior portrait…
A photo of me, Karen, and my 1963 Ford pickup truck.
A copy of my high school newspaper where I served as a columnist and executive editor.
One of several short stories I wrote (yeah, my dream back then was to be a writer). And some gawd awful poetry I authored as well.
No idea what might be on these old cassette tapes, And no idea how I’ll ever find out. That technology just doesn’t exist here in the 21st century I’m afraid.
Anyway, there was also a journal in the box. What really shocked me about my thinking from those long ago days is that it is so similar to how I often feel these days. I guess I haven’t learned much. Or maybe the more things change, the more they remain the same. Or something. Take this entry from October 1974 for example:
Well, it happened again, three times in three weeks. Pretty fucking good! I’m bitter, I know it. But I’m tired of it all. Ya know, I’m alive and I feel pain too. Goddamn, haven’t I paid the price yet!
It doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’ve had it. Women are my downfall and I can make it alone. There are more important things for me to do.
Well, that was 44 years ago. I have no recollection of what I was on about, but damn, it does sound familiar. Scary to think I still haven’t figured things out. And yet, here I am, still plugging away. I do recall that I was thinking about suicide quite often back then. And doing lots of drugs, mostly pot but sometimes LSD and PCP. So, I guess I have made progress in my life at least.
Anyway the time machine experience has given me a lot to think about. No answers of course, but at least some perspective.
And I’ll leave you with a dose of some of the bad poetry I mentioned above. No date on this one, but it’s titled “New Year’s Eve”. My guess is it lamenting another lost love, probably Gail Weed.
You never even took the time
To see what you were using
And you were shocked when you found out
It was you who did the losing
You never believed in the difference
Between what she felt and your dreams
Her feelings never mattered
You were busy with other things
And you really can’t help looking back
Was it all just another game?
You pretend it doesn’t matter
But you’ve never felt quite the same
Because this time there was something more
But you didn’t realize it
And when you finally understood
You had already lost it
And when it is finally all over
Will you look at your life and be sad?
Will you remember the the people and places
And the love you could have had?
I’ll be happy if I can just avoid more fuck ups. I’d love to have love in my life again, but not if it ultimately results in more bad poetry.
Made it to Columbia relatively unscathed. But it took every minute of the day. And then some. All told, I spent about 30 hours going door-to-door.
Flew out of Clark on Asiana to Seoul, and then went with Korean Air for the Incheon-Atlanta leg of the trip. My bag was checked all the way to Charlotte but I was required to go to the “transfer desk” at Incheon for my Korean Air boarding pass. This was really the only hiccup in my journey. Korean Air is now in the new Terminal 2 and my Asiana flight arrived at Terminal 1. You are supposed to have a boarding pass you scan at the turnstile to access the train to terminal 2. Which I needed to go to terminal 2 to get. Anyway, I eventually made it through by showing my itinerary to the security guy, rode the train, and got my ticketing squared away. Still with plenty of time to spare and enjoy the amenities of the Korean Air lounge.
My plane to Atlanta was a big old 747 and my business class seat was in the upper deck of the plane.
That’s me in my cozy little cubicle…
…enjoying all the comforts of home, including a fully reclining seat.
Yeah, I paid a pretty penny for the business class accommodations, at least twice as much as I would have paid for coach. But honestly, for a 13 hour flight the comfortable seating made it almost bearable. I did the math and it was around $100 dollars per hour to avoid the cattle pen of coach class. Was it worth it? Maybe not, but for a once a year trip back home I can afford it. The only value money has is the comfort it can buy you, right?
Besides the physical comforts, the personalized service from the flight attendants is something I could get used to. Right after being seated, I was greeted by name and the pretty Ms. Lee introduced herself. She guided me through the menu options for the three meals I’d be served in route (and all were quite tasty). Ms. Lee then told me to call her if there was anything she could do to make the flight more enjoyable. Luckily I had the good sense to not say what I was thinking would make the flight pleasurable! Once during the flight I got hungry for a snack, so pulled some nuts I’d packed out of my suitcase. Wasn’t long before Ms. Lee came to my seat with a plate of cookies and other snacks. Ain’t she sweet?
Regardless of the creature comforts, 13 hours is a hell of a long time to be confined. And of course, I had to go without my vape addiction as well. I figure I might have slept around four hours all told. I was consciously trying to adjust my sleep patterns to fit my new time zone. I wound up killing most of the remaining hours in flight by watching four movies. Ready Player One, about a futuristic virtual reality world seemed interesting enough to give it a go. I mean, it was a Steven Spielberg production, how could it not be good? It wasn’t.
Next up was A Quiet Place, which was at least slightly more entertaining than my first selection, but I still found it irritating for various reasons. I mean, who knew there would still be electricity in a post-apocalyptic world? And since the monsters were attracted to sound, the characters used sign language to communicate. I’m like, “why am I wearing these damn uncomfortable headphones then?”. Yeah, I know, I was just being a grouchy old man again. Get off my lawn!
I decided to hell with the “new releases” category and went with the sure thing “classics” option. First up was the Woody Allen masterpiece Annie Hall. It’s been decades since I last viewed this film so it was good to see again. And since it focused on relationships it had a special resonance for me at this particular moment in my life. Coming back to Columbia after nearly three years is especially bittersweet. Good to see the kids and grands again, but I have so many memories of my old life here with Jee Yeun to deal with as well. It is also the one year anniversary of the fuck over I received from Loraine. I really liked the final insight presented at the movie’s conclusion:
After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I… I realized what a terrific person she was, and… and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I… I, I thought of that old joke, y’know, the, this… this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy; he thinks he’s a chicken.” And, uh, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y’know, they’re totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and… but, uh, I guess we keep goin’ through it because, uh, most of us… need the eggs.
Yeah, I’m missing the eggs in my life.
I finished up the trip with a re-watch of Forrest Gump. Hard to go wrong there, right?
“My Mama always said you’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on.” – Forrest
Anyway, after a three hour layover in Atlanta I slept during the entire short flight to Charlotte, literally waking up when the plane parked at the gate. Collected my baggage and headed out to find my rental car. I guess driving is like riding a bike. It’s been awhile since I was behind the wheel, but I managed the 90 minute ride to Columbia without incident. Well, I was damned sleepy during the drive which I’m told is as dangerous as drunk driving, but I made it.
I was resolved to stay awake until at least 9:00 p.m. local time in an effort to avoid the jet lag bugaboo. Sat outside and had some beers with daughters Renee and Avery, which only exacerbated my zombie-like mental functioning. But damn, I made it to 9:00 and had a good nights sleep! Here’s hoping I’ll be back to normal (or at least as normal as I get) for the remainder of the trip.
It’s funny, I heard the weather report on the radio during the drive from Charlotte and the announcer said we were having “chamber of commerce” weather, with a high of 70 degrees. Maybe so, but after almost six months in the Philippines, that felt chilly to me. Luckily I had the good sense to pack a light jacket for the trip and put it to good use last night.
When we came back from dinner, Avery lit me a fire.
It was 45 degrees this morning! And another difference is that I’m used to sunrise around 6:00 a.m., it didn’t dawn here until after 7:30. Since it was too dark and cold to walk early as is my custom, I got in my rental car and went out for breakfast.
I don’t know about you, but after 3 years I couldn’t resist the call of a waffle and hash browns!
I guess now is a good time to venture out and get my steps in. Going to dual purpose the walk by doing some window shopping for some things I want to bring back to the Philippines with me.
I brought an empty suitcase along just for that purpose!
Someone asked me if I was brown from the sun? I said “no, I’m John from the earth!”
I’m off to America. Well, I’m at the airport waiting to take off for America. More specifically, Columbia, South Carolina.
My itinerary has me leaving Clark airport in Angeles City in less than two hours. I’ll stop at Incheon to change planes and airlines (Asiana to Korean Air) then have a straight shot into Atlanta. I’ll connect there on flight to Charlotte, pick up my rental car, then shoot down the highway to Cola-town.
The Bundok Hash this afternoon proved interesting, stay tuned for more on that soon.
Amongst the perks of traveling business class is not waiting in a long ass line to check in, priority handling of your luggage (first on the carousel) and access to the VIP lounge. Had it all to myself an hour ago…
Now I’m the only white guy in a room full of Koreans!
Once we take off from Clark I’ve got 24 hours to survive prior to arriving in Charlotte. What could go wrong?
