I mentioned recently how much I *think* I’d enjoy having a girlfriend to Hash with.  And it’s not like I haven’t had opportunities, such as they are.

EDITED:  Sorry, upon reflection I deleted the photo of “Celia” and “Josie”.  I don’t know that I have any readers here in Barrio Barretto, but given the what a small town it is and my desire to avoid trouble I’m playing it safe.  Not my style to self-censor like this, but I just had a bad feeling in this case.

I don’t recall if I’ve talked about them [Celia and Josie] here before.  Shortly after I moved to the PI I met both at a Hash event and we became Facebook friends.  And not surprisingly they asked if I would be their Hash “sponsor”.  That just meant I would pay  their weekly Hash dues, which amounts to the equivalent of $3.00 each.  No big deal, glad to help.  I’d sometimes buy them some food at the after Hash gathering as well.

Anyway, back in August we did a special Hash in Angeles City and the girls asked if they could ride down with me.  Of course, I didn’t have a problem with that.  In fact, I was growing quite fond of Josie.  So I was looking forward to spending an out-of-town weekend with her.  Alas, it was not to be.

I was staying in a hotel near the bar district, and Celia and Josie were staying with “friends” on the other side of town.  I assumed we’d be meeting up at the Hash circle, but they never showed.  And afterwards I expressed my disappointment to them both.  Josie promised to make it up to me the next day, and then did the same no-show act.  And of course at that point I was done with her for good.  Apparently she got a better offer from one of the Angeles Hashers.  Anyway, I chalked it up to it is better to find out her character now as opposed to later.

Now, Celia seemed to be hooking up with a Subic Hasher, Anal Retentive.  At least he started paying her sponsorship fees, which again, was fine by me.  I don’t really know much about AR other than he is building a house in my neighborhood, I see him in the girly bars now and then, and he took my helper’s friend Gina out a couple times.  So my impression is he is not serious about having a steady girlfriend.  AR is currently visiting the USA and Celia has been contacting me via Facebook with increasing regularity.  

I honestly don’t know a lot about Celia (or Josie for that matter).  Celia tells me she is going to school during the day, I’m pretty sure she has at least one kid, and now she has a new job as a dancer at a bar called Coco Lips.  She’s been pestering me to come visit her there so the other night I dropped in.  Celia wasn’t working but to my surprise Josie was dancing on stage.  Wow!

Josie looked really hot in her sexy dance costume and of course I brought her down for a lady drink.  She was friendly enough but really didn’t have much to say.  Maybe she was a little embarrassed to be working in the bar.  I couldn’t help but thinking “damn, she chooses a life of prostitution over being my girlfriend!”.  Oh well, looks like I dodged yet another bullet. 

But back to Celia.  She kept after me to see her at the bar, so I made it back on Thursday.  Not as hot as Josie, but okay I guess.  I bought her a couple of drinks and she gave me a back rub.  I passed out some chocolates to the dancers and wait staff so everyone was happy.  Well, Josie was giving me this look like “aren’t you gonna buy me a drink too?”  Nope, I’m not.  Celia tells me that Josie is one of the more popular girls in the bar and gets barfined (taken out by customers) frequently.  Well, good for her.  If you are going to fuck for money it’s nice to have clients I suppose.

I left Coco Lips after buying Celia two lady drinks.  She told me she would see me at the Hash on Monday.  I guess with Anal Retentive out of town she needs a sponsor.  That’s fine.  Later she sent me a message saying next time she wants to massage me with no clothes on.  I’m not sure if she meant me or her (or both).

Anyway, I don’t have any illusions regarding what this is all about.

Not to worry, I have no interest in Celia other than perhaps a carnal one.  But since she’s now entered the realm of prostitution it sort of puts me off on even that aspect.  I might take her up on that massage offer though.  We’ll see how it goes at the Hash this Monday.

What a life, eh?

…sometimes this old barrio feels like a long last friend.

Okay, enough with the channeling of John Denver. I’m just glad to have escaped the big city relatively unscathed. It’s not that I’m averse to city life, I loved Seoul for example. But something about Manila, even its upscale center Makati, just grates on me. So nice to have left the city sidewalks (such as they were) behind and walk the beaches again today. Got some hugs and sweet loving from my good Buddy too which warms the heart.

The trip was pretty much a fiasco–a waste of time and money. I already wrote about the Philippine Retirement Authority issues. I heard from a commenter on a possible work around as far as the money transfer goes. And another reader emailed telling me his experience with the retirement visa and it didn’t sound very encouraging. So, we’ll see how I choose to proceed. For now it will be another 60 day renewal on the tourist visa.

Last night I was supposed to meet my friend Gem at 7:00 p.m. so she could repay the $1000.00 I loaned her several months ago. Long story short, she never showed. I sat at the Cubana bar drinking beer while I waited. By 10:00 p.m. I was drunk and angry and stumbled on back to my room. I had made arrangements for my driver to fetch me at 5:00 a.m. in an effort to avoid the traffic getting out of town (today is a Filipino holiday). I set the alarm for 4:00 and Danny texted that he had arrived at 4:10. So I hustled up packing and checked myself out of the hotel. Traffic was heavy but moving steadily so that was good. Until we got a flat tire, which sort of serves as a metaphor for my wasted trip.

While waiting in the bar I took these photos of life on P. Burgos Avenue in Manila:

This is the hooker that practically stalked me every time I was out on the street. Didn’t want to take no for an answer, finally had to be rude to get her to back off. Until the next time I was outside, and then she would continue her aggressive pursuit. It got to be a pain in the ass, but even so I felt a little sorry for her.

Now this old woman was just batshit crazy. Pacing up and down in front of Cubana’s bar shouting and laughing and talking to herself. Sometimes she’d veer into the street and cars would have to dodge around her. I felt certain I was going to have to witness seeing her run over. Security tried to run her off, but she always came back. Depressing really.

And what I found most disconcerting was this young girl, what, maybe 12 years old, out on the street. No idea what was going on, I didn’t see her try and talk to anyone passing by and no one said anything to her. The woman in the background was always nearby…not sure if it is her mother or guardian or what. But I first saw them around 3:00 p.m. and they were still there at 9:00. I almost crossed the street to ask the woman to take that child home, she shouldn’t be out on the street with the hookers. But then I remembered where I was and what I am so I kept my mouth shut. Nothing good was likely to come from my getting involved. Again, if I had actually seen anything that looked the girl may be being exploited or otherwise in danger I would have alerted the authorities. Absent that, the foreigner needs to mind his own business in this country.

Did I mention it is good to be home?

If you can’t beat them, join them!

No business to conduct this morning so I took a stroll around the city streets. Damn, I could not live here! Cars and horns galore. And being harassed by the prostitutes. Had a hard time getting my steps in, but I sucked it up and got it done. Leaving early in the morning and looking forward to it.

Here’s some photos I took whilst out and about.

This is my favorite hangout, the Cubana bar. I sit at a table with a nice view of the street.

And enjoy frosty cold beverages like this…

…while watching the hookers plying their trade. It was funny, a few minutes after taking this photo the guy at the next table brought the girl in shorts over for a drink/negotiation. Must have been for short time because she was back out there before I left the bar….

Ready for a game of frogger? Naw, better wait for the next signal change, these guys are rarin’ to go, horns ablaze…

It was nice to see my dog is famous here. Even has a restaurant named after him…

I didn’t know Buddha drank?

Trump. Is there anything he can’t do?

Anyway, all my bitching aside, it is an interesting and rather diverse area. Lots of international cuisine, including Korean, Arabian, Turkish, and Spanish restaurants. But I love this place right across the street from my hotel:

The Filling Station Diner. It’s a throwback bar and grill, with a 1950s Americana motif.

And the food is excellent, albeit a little pricey. Yesterday’s club sandwich was one of the best I’ve had in years….

And this morning’s french toast was also outstanding.

The interior decor was a trip down memory lane…

I’ve seen banana splits, but a ’57 Chevy split? That’s a first!

And I took a moment to harmonize with Elvis before heading out.

And I guess I’ll do some more of the same on my last night in the big city.

…or half empty? Either way, I’m half way through my first year of life in the Philippines. It’s been a bit of a roller coaster ride so far but I’m making some needed changes in my outlook and I’m feeling much more positive about the future. It’s all about turning failures into opportunities, so I’ve got a lot of good material to work with!

No need to recap all the “trials, tribulations and adventures” I’ve blogged about this past six months. Yes, I’ve made a few mistakes and missteps but that happens when you are learning as you go I suppose. I did kind of fuck up in a new way Friday night though, here’s that story:

So I don’t do the girly bars all that much, but one of my favorites is Alaska bar. It used to be in Angeles City and was the first bar I visited on my first trip to the Philippines all those years ago. I usually buy drinks for Kim, one of the dancers there, on those occasions I do visit. Friday night I wasn’t alone however (that’s a story for another time) so I left Kim on stage. I’d been drinking all night in celebration of my return home so was feeling no pain. And after a few more beers at Alaska I asked the waitress to change a 500 peso bil into ten 50 peso notes.

At this point Kim was dancing on stage with two other girls. I went up and gave each of the other two a 50 peso tip, then sat back down. They both looked at Kim and then at me, and Kim was standing there with a WTF? look on her face. So, I get back up and give both of the other girls another 50 pesos then returned to my seat. Yeah, I know this sounds really fucked up. And yes, it was fucked up. But I was honestly doing it as a joke. Just teasing Kim. Yeah, looking back I can see it wasn’t very funny at all. Anyway, the “punchline” was for me to go back to the stage and say “Oops, I forgot someone” and give Kim a generous tip.

It didn’t work out that way. Kim was pissed. When I tried to hand her some money she refused to take it. I said, c’mon I was kidding around, but she told me “I don’t need your money!” I tried and tried but she wouldn’t budge. It’s a pretty big deal when a girl who makes maybe 300 pesos a day salary refuses a 150 peso tip. I sat back down, finished my beer and left. I was pretty embarrassed at this point.

Anyway, as I usually do I woke up in the middle of the night, sober now, and thought back on the incident at Alaska. And of course I felt like a jerk, all the more so because I had acted like one. Yes, it was not my intention to be demeaning and disrespectful, but that doesn’t change the fact that that is exactly what I was. I felt shitty about that and resolved to make amends. Last night I set about doing so.

I started with a few beers at Cheap Charlies and had a good time for a change. But I had a mission to undertake at Alaska bar so I headed on over. When I walked in the door Kim was on stage but wouldn’t look at me. I sat down and ordered a beer while she continued to ignore me. The other girls knew something was up and there was definitely some tension in the air. I called the waitress over and said I wanted to buy Kim a drink. Kim didn’t want it! Now, that is pretty much unheard of in the bar business. And then the mamasan (the manager of the dancers) intervened. I saw her talking to Kim and I’m sure she basically ordered her to drink with me, like it or not. So Kim very reluctantly joined me at my table.

As shitty as I had felt, I felt even worse now. So I dived into a heartfelt apology. I explained that it was my bad attempt at a joke but that I realized later how it must have made her feel. I told her how sorry I was to have treated her badly and that I would never have intentionally disrespected her that way. And then I pulled out my ace in the hole–some chocolate! I offered up a giant sized Kit Kat bar as a gesture of the sincerity of my apology. And ever so slowly the ice began to melt.

Kim told me that I had always been her favorite customer and that she had really been hurt by my behavior the previous night. She said she actually cried after I had left. Granted, that could all be bullshit but there is no question whatsoever that my behavior had truly hurt her feelings. I again told her that it was not my intent to make her feel bad, it was all just a joke that had gone wrong. I ordered up more drinks and we continued to talk. I learned more about her and it actually turned out to be a very nice evening. I gave her a 1000 peso tip (about $20 or one week’s salary) which of course made her night and we parted with our friendship intact.

I always try to treat the bargirls with respect. They have an incredibly difficult job and dealing with assholes makes it all the harder. My actions were totally out of line and out of character for me. It won’t happen again you can count on that! I came away with a new found respect for Kim as well. She had stood her ground admirably and made it clear that even though her body may be, her pride was not for sale. Keep on rockin’, Kim!

Another lesson learned. I’m confident I’m going to do the next six months better than I did these past ones. Onward!

“you must first accept that while there are things that have happened in your life that you had no say in, you are 100 percent responsible for what you do with your life in the aftermath of those events. Always, every time, no excuses.”
–Gary John Bishop “Unfuck Yourself”

I guess it’s natural to fall into habits and routines that fill the hours, however comfortably and well. Thinking back on my year in Pyeongtaek I was pretty much always in my WWD (working, walking, drinking) mode. And now I’m retired so you can see where that leaves me. I think the thing about working is that it changes things up day-to-day. New issues and problems to be resolved, meaningful interactions and intellectual stimulation. I’ve actually dreamed about work a few times recently so maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

Which is not to say my current routines make me feel unsatisfied and unfulfilled, I think it’s just the same-same of everyday living that tends to create a feeling of boredom that I need to shake free from. Or maybe I just accept the new normal and try to achieve a sense of satisfaction with my life. It’s not so bad and I’m really not unhappy. I’m just comfortably numb.

I’m managing between 15,000 and 20,000 (sometimes more) steps everyday. It may be an overstatement to call walking “my hobby”, it’s just what I do. My motivation is primarily weight control (still under 200 pounds!) and staying healthy enough to eek out a few extra years amongst the living (BP is in the mid 120s and resting HR has been mid 60s, so it seems to be working). Other than the Hash though I don’t have much new to see during my 2+ hours daily road trips. I vary between my Baloy Beach, Barretto, and Subic town walks, but they tend to get old. Some days I’ll try a new side road but honestly I get a little uncomfortable walking through some potentially dicey neighborhoods. I guess it’s just my perception but I do stand out as the only white guy in these areas and encountering unemployed and seemingly desperate young men milling about makes me feel like a potential target sometimes. Nothing has ever happened to support those feelings of course. Yet anyway. Better to be bored than robbed perhaps.

I’m a thousand miles from nowhere and there’s no place I gotta be…

My nighttime activities find me hanging out in one bar or another, sometimes playing darts and others just buying lady drinks interacting with the bargirls. Oh, and like Justice Kavanaugh, I do like me some beer. I confine myself to the low calorie, low alcohol local brew however.

My best friend!

It’s always a little surprising to be reminded of just what a small town Barretto really is. I’m known by name even in places I rarely frequent. It can be a bit disconcerting to walk past the bars and have the doorgirls shout out “come in, Sir John”, especially when I can’t recall having ever been there before. On the other hand, it’s nice to see familiar faces and be greeted by acquaintances on the street or waitresses in the restaurants. I’ve been here less than five months but it already feels like home. And that’s a good thing.

They know me a Mango’s where I enjoyed this fish and chips dinner last night.

While I’ve quit playing in the Wednesday and Friday dart leagues, I still play in tournaments a couple of times a week. I like the freedom this provides me to do other things should I choose to without letting down the team. I’ve been playing pretty well, but I really need to put my home dart board to use by putting in some meaningful practice time. And time is something I have plenty of these days!

A first place finish is always nice!

Sometimes after walking and before drinking I’ll prepare some eats on the grill or in the crockpot. Fills some time and my stomach!

Pulled pork with cornbread is one of my mainstays…

And sometimes I’ll even do some dessert!

Like I say, I’m living an easy and comfortable life here. Nothing to complain about (other than boring ass blog posts like this one!). I’m leaving for the USA on the morning of the 24th (at 0200 to be precise). Will return two weeks later. So at a minimum I’ll have some new material to blog about. I’m formulating a plan to henceforth incorporate at least one out-of-town getaway per month. Sometimes in country, sometimes out. I think that will go a long way to providing a greater sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in my life. Who knows, maybe I’ll even find a girlfriend along the way! Hey, it could happen.

And I still have my sense of humor, such as it is…

Life is good.

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re saying
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
I have become comfortably numb.

There’s this guy. Name is Greg. Alright dude I suppose when he’s sober, but that is rarely the case. The more he drinks the louder and more obnoxious he becomes. It’s actually pretty annoying but I’ve chosen to ignore his unseemly behavior, deeming it none of my business since none of his rudeness has ever been directed towards me.

Until Tuesday night that is. And yes, sadly this is another case of the dreaded “darts drama”. Some people just can’t help themselves it seems. But it was especially disappointing in the case of Greg who is one of the top dart players in town. I’ve been actively trying to recapture some of my passion for the game, although for me I’m playing as a pastime, win or lose I try to keep it fun. Greg is pretty much the opposite, he gets mouthy and pissy if he is playing poorly.

I didn’t know Greg prior to moving here, although we did share time in Korea. He played in the Songtan league. We do have a mutual friend, a bar owner there named Vox. When I mentioned to Vox on Facebook that I met Greg, he sent me a message warning me that Greg was not to be trusted. Well, to me he is just another guy in the bar, and there are very few people in the bar that I would inherently trust. Some I like better than others, but trust is earned and I haven’t been here long enough to really trust anyone.

Anyway, Tuesday night we are playing in the semi-finals. Greg and his partner won the 501 leg, and we moved on to the cricket match. My first dart was a triple 20 to close, I threw the second dart at the 19 and missed, so went back up to the 20 for points. Greg then commenced to get all mouthy and said throwing points was “totally uncalled for”. Um, the game is called cricket points for a reason. Strategically, I made the smart throw. His rudely calling me out really pissed me off. After the game (which he won) I let him know in my loud voice how I felt. His lame excuse was that he had been “kidding”. Bullshit.

Anyway, Marissa tried to calm me down and then my pal Jerry came over and reminded me not to lower myself to Greg’s level. Yeah, that resonated so I let it go.

But thinking about it overnight I realized that I was devoting way too much time to darts and not really enjoying myself. Greg’s behavior was the catalyst to my realization that I should be finding better ways to fill the hours. So, I told my Wednesday dart league captain that this would be my last season. Greg is the captain of my Friday league team, and if last night is any indication he is not talking to me. Which suits me fine. I don’t want to let my Friday teammates down so I will play out the season if they need me. That’s up to Greg.

After the season I’m taking a break from darts. Oh I might play in an occasional tournament if the mood strikes me, but this five day a week routine is going to change. Probably time for me to focus on doing some local travel and exploring more of this country I call home. Also might be good for me to spend less time in Alley Cats bar.

Speaking of which, Marissa came out on her day off to watch me throw in league yesterday. When the match was finished, I told her I was hungry. She said she had already eaten. I finished my beer and said I needed to go eat. She told me, “you go, I’ll wait here”. Alrighty then, girlfriend. I paid my tab, said goodnight, and left the bar.

I was sitting at Cheap Charlies in a sour mood, drinking beers and waiting for my BLT sandwich to arrive. Marissa sent me a message asking “Are you mad?”. I responded along the lines of “why would I be mad? I said it hurts that my girlfriend couldn’t be bothered to spend time with me on her day off, preferring to sit alone at Alley Cats>” And then of course she got all defensive. We went back and forth for awhile, and she honestly just doesn’t get why it was a big deal to me. After I finished eating I went back to the bar to continue the discussion and hopefully find some resolution. She kept telling me to lower my voice, although I didn’t feel like I was being all that loud. Finally she insisted we go somewhere else to continue the conversation.

I did calm down, said my piece, tried to understand her side of it (I still don’t, you either want to be with me or you don’t. I shouldn’t have to ask, insist, or beg you to join me). Anyway, I don’t know where we go from here. This article says that “on-again, off-again relationships are more trouble than they’re worth”. I’m not sure that Marissa and I are technically on-again/off-again. She calls them fights. I’ve never technically broken up with her, although I’ve come close to doing so. Ultimately that may be where this goes unless she can miraculously figure out what it takes to satisfy my longing for a loving companion.

As if I didn’t have enough drama in my life, I came home Tuesday night to a message from Maria (my “friend” in Davao) telling me she was unfriending me in Facebook but that she was still my friend. What do you say to that? I said “goodbye Maria”.

The back story is that she has met a 71 year old retired Navy guy and that I somehow make him feel threatened. I’d chatted with him a couple of times on messenger, answering his questions about the the Subic area and assuring him that Maria is a good and honest woman. And then a few days ago I get this insane message from him ranting about how he knows I’m Maria’s fuck buddy and crazy ass shit like that. As I had told him, I haven’t even seen Maria in person for over two years.

Anyway, I shared that message with Maria and warned her that the guy had demonstrated that he was a jealous control freak, potentially abusive, and things were unlikely to end well. She indicated she had already figured all that out and that she had blocked all contact with him. I guess until she didn’t. He had recently insisted that she end her Facebook friendship with me and that is what she did.

I’m fine with it. Hell, anyone who doesn’t want to be friends with me, on Facebook or in real life, is more than welcome to walk away. Just like the women who professed to love me forever and ever. I’ve helped Maria out of several situations since we last met and she always called me her guardian angel. I guess she has a new angel now. I hope that works out for her, although I expect she is headed for trouble. Not my problem, that’s for sure.

Is that about enough drama for one week? I sure as hell hope so!