Well, obviously that’s a game I’m NOT playing. Yet. But since my arrival I’ve been an active observer. Here are my initial impressions.
One thing that really stands out from the outset is that almost all the expats are coupled up. Now, I’m sure a certain percentage of these women are one night rentals, but at least where I hang out (mostly the regular type bars and the weekly Hash) I see normal boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Well, normal if you discount the age disparity in the couples.
It’s still astounding to see these fat old fuckers with sweet young Filipinas. Makes me wonder what’s wrong with me? Yeah, I know. I’m plenty old and not the most gwapo (handsome) man around. But until moving here I never understood why a guy would want a partner thirty or forty years his junior. Other than what I presume is hot sex, but that’s for sale all over town anyway. Here’s the thing, it’s actually the women who are pursuing these relationships with older guys. It’s a common saying from Filipinas that “age is just a number”. And to them they see older guys as more emotionally stable, financially secure, and less likely to cheat on them. So there’s that.
I have one friend who is 66 with a 21 year old girlfriend who is pretty enough to be a model. As he tells it, she was a poor girl from the province and her life with him is like being on a permanent vacation…buys her whatever she needs, eat out everyday, living in a long term hotel apartment. It’s heaven for her. From what I’ve seen of them together she appears genuinely happy and devoted to him.
I have another friend of similar age who has a 23 year old “mistress” (that’s the term they both use, seeing as how he is married). He’s basically a “sugar daddy”, pays her college tuition, pays the rent, gives her an allowance, etc. and in return she takes care of his physical needs and provides companionship. Seems like a win-win to me.
Other guys I’ve met are doing the traditional family thing–having babies and all–notwithstanding the huge age difference. I can’t be a father again thankfully, nor would I want to be at this late stage of my life, but again, from all outward appearances these couples are perfectly happy in their chosen situation.
So. What about me? Obviously, I’m hoping to get in the game. I really crave a relationship. But what kind? I guess being boots on the ground now, I’m more accepting of the age difference thing. It’s the norm here so my previous standard of “would I look ridiculous with her” is out the window. Still don’t want to compromise on finding someone with a brain who can be a good and trusted companion. So far the women I’ve met here with those qualities haven’t been receptive to my tentative overtures (heh, that having a brain thing is a two edged sword!). The other night the waitresses at Treasure Island were teasing me, suggesting that Ruru (one of the younger workers there) introduce me to her mother. She laughed and said she’d have to call me “sir Daddy instead of sir John”. It was kind of cute, I admit.
I’m not exactly desperate (yet). I’ve not partaken in any of the take-out bargirl options for example. Oh, I buy a few ladydrinks and hand out some candy, but paying for sex just goes against the grain for me. I was only tempted once but nature intervened (the gal said she had her “mens”). Not sure if that was true or just a polite rejection, but I was glad for it the next morning.
In the meantime, I’ve been half-heartedly visiting the Filipina Cupid dating website. It’s been mildly interesting. Had a nice chat with a 35 year old named Marymay. She lives in Subic, the next town over. She likes the outdoors and exercise so we had that much in common at least. I asked her if she’d like to get together for lunch or dinner and she responded “We can spend time together John. Ill think about it..😉” That’s the last I heard from her.
Then there was Anne, 30 years old from Manila, who sent me this: “Hi John I have taken the time and read your profile. I have a question for. Have you given up or do you want me to chase you around the block for you to stop at take another look at me. Keep in mind I don’t run as fast as I use too. I promise i will make a strong effort in catching you. So what would you like for me to do. Begin the chase or walk away….I look forward to your answer.”
Finally, a gal who wants to chase me! I responded:“Well, I don’t know if your message is original or not, but I do admit I like it! 🙂 So, to answer your question–by all means, begin the chase! I’m probably not all that hard to catch if you are honest and sincere. Anyway, you’ve captured my interest. Let’s see what happens next.” We exchanged a few more messages back and forth that night, but I haven’t heard from her since either. I guess she’s not that good at chasing after all.
My most interesting exchange was with Mary who lives in a far off province, but had a profile that seemed to suggest she was smarter than the average bear. So I initiated contact with this: “How goes the search? After reading your profile I thought “she’s someone I’d like to get to know better”. Anyway, I’m living in Olongapo now.” I was astounded by her response:
“I remember your photo,,,your separated I prefer divorce men your caucasian Can’t you get divorce,unless you marry a filipina here in my country,,,,,been to Olongapo before why you choose to live in a sordid area??? So many girly bars there,,,I want an honest answer I assumed you’ve F— bargirls there which moat foriegner does,,,you can’t avoid it especially to a lonely man and your no saint,,,I’m sorry for being upfront and don’t get me wrong I am asking this questions cos I know exactly those places and foriegners that lives there and thier lifestyle…. “
Wow. Judge much, Mary? Here’s how I responded:
“Thank you for your bluntness and honesty. It is refreshing to see here on Filipino Cupid. Not all of Olongapo is sordid. You choose to see what you want to see. The subdivision I’ll be living in is very upscale with amazing views of the bay and mountains. Yes, there are girly bars in town for those who are interested in prostitutes. There are also regular bars where expats hang out and socialize. I play in two dart leagues and with tournaments, that fills 5 nights a week for me. I’m also a member of a running/hiking club (the Hash House Harriers) and we have a weekly event that I enjoy very much.
But to answer your question directly, I’ve been here almost one month now. Yes, I am a very lonely. No, I have not fucked any bargirls. It is just not my thing. It is true that I am not a saint, but I try not to judge others for the choices they make. I think you are wrong to assume that all foreigners living here are the same or that they share the same lifestyle. I live life on my terms and I have nothing to be ashamed about.
Again, I appreciate you sharing your viewpoints so openly. I wish you well in your search and hope you find the kind of man you will be happy sharing your life w with. Good luck to you!”
And so it goes. At this point I’m not sure how I’ll proceed. The being a sugar daddy thing is a little tempting, but I suspect it would not end well. I’m actually leaning towards just hiring someone to take care of me and the house and leave it at that for now. And no, I won’t be screwing the help. Still licking the wounds my last employee inflicted. I actually may interview a gal I’ve been chatting with on Facebook for quite sometime. She’s a certified caregiver and really wants a job. She actually gets on my nerves quite a bit, so she ought to be perfect. No temptation to make her my girlfriend!
Stay tuned dear readers. The adventure is only beginning!
