Turns out I was a fool to think I could take on the responsibility of two dogs. Oh well, lesson learned. I think the most humane thing to do is take Lucky way up in the hills and let him go. He’s a smart dog, I’m sure he’ll learn to fend for himself. I guess you weren’t so Lucky after all. Sorry!

I remember many years ago I was attending some labor relations training in Memphis, Tennessee. One evening in the hotel bar a couple of freelance prostitutes approached me and a buddy and offered their services. We declined and jokingly pointed across the room to where the instructor of our course was sitting and told them, “he’ll be interested!”.

The next day at the conclusion of the course the instructor called students up one by one for their certificate of completion. And then he said “Is there anyone I missed?” Me and my friend raised our hands. He looked at us and said “this is the first time I’ve ever had students fail my course” then tore up two certificates in front of the astounded group before dismissing the class. When everyone had departed except for us he came over and said those prostitutes wouldn’t leave him alone, even followed him into the hotel elevator. He then gave us our certificates, smiled and said “if you can’t take a joke, fuck you!”

That’s a true story. Unlike the first paragraph. Which you would have to be a fool to believe. Today of all days!

For Kevin Kim:

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.
The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.

The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned
‘This is a powerful medicine.
You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: ‘1-2-3.’
When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want.”
The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked:
“How do I stop the medicine from working?”
“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,’ he responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine
and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: “1-2-3!”
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was so excited she began throwing off her clothes, and asked:
“What was the 1-2-3 for?”

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

To hell with it. I’m going to the airport and getting on a plane. Don’t even care where it is going, first jet out to anywhere. When I get to wherever I wind up I’ll max out my credit cards, drain my savings account, and then decide what to do next. I won’t be back. Goodbye Korea!

Life is like The Onion.

“I’ve gotten so used to being unfulfilled here that sometimes I forget there’s a whole wide world out there where I could be equally depressed and joyless.”

“I don’t know where I’m going to fritter away the next stage of my life just like I’ve wasted the previous two decades, but I know it can’t be here,” he continued.

I feel I owe it to myself to take advantage of some new opportunities to experience the crushing professional stagnation and perpetual self-loathing I’ve always felt.”

“Honestly, at this point, I might just throw a dart at a map and go be a useless fuckup wherever it lands,” he added.

Works for me!

A friend was trying to access my blog and kept getting this:

Well, I’ve been embarrassing myself her since 2004. What else is new?

For Kevin Kim.

As illustrated in this Venn diagram…

UPDATE: From a Facebook commenter:

Kevin comments below that he’d be the perfect superhero for dealing with constipation. I think the motto above fits that perfectly…

Some of these new super heroes are just plain lame.

Not that I give a fuck.

…you make an ass of you and me.  Or so says an old saw.

Today I had the occasion to write the word “assassin”.  I had never previously noticed that this word contains “ass” twice.  Back to back.  Asses rubbing together as it were.

It’s an amazing world when you stop and think about it.

All I said was “Want to join me for some bosintang, Mr. Wick?”

Speaking of insults, you might enjoy this piece on the Top Ten Devastating Insults in History.  Hell, even The Buddha made the list.

And that’s really all I got tonight.