Yesterday afternoon my eyes started feeling kind of itchy. When I got to Hideaway Bar for the feeding, Joy noticed they were watering and dabbed them with a napkin. Then she went to the pharmacy and got me some eye drops. They didn’t help much, and as the night progressed, it started feeling like I had some sand-like particles in my eyes, although I didn’t see anything other than redness, some swelling, and the eyelids were sore to the touch. By my last bar, the only relief I could get was sitting there with my eyes closed. Still no improvement after a night’s sleep, so I have an appointment with Dr. Jo this afternoon to try and find out what is going on.

My big event yesterday, such as it was, was my standard Sunday solo stroll. What made it special was it was the first time I could get out for a backroads valley hike in over two weeks because of the rain. Everything old felt almost new again, and therefore I was inspired to take more photos than usual. Here they are:

Facebook memories carried me back to those long ago days in Prescott, Arizona.

I won’t be doing the Hash trail today as I deem my doctor visit more important. I do expect that I’ll attend the On-Home Hash circle at Johansson’s later in the afternoon. I don’t want to break my consecutive days streak.

We’ll see how it goes. Hopefully.

I started my Saturday evening with a haircut, then ventured out to Sloppy Joe’s for some beer drinking. It was Chris’ girlfriend Sheriyl’s birthday, so I brought along some brownies. Because we were having an impromptu party, I stuck around longer than I usually would. It was a good time, though.

I offered to get the Sloppy Joe crew some food, and they wanted a pizza. And yes, they preferred the Hawaiian with pineapple. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Filipina order any other flavor.

I had a good time hanging out with my waitress, Amy. She’s upfront about having a boyfriend, but that didn’t stop me from teasing and joking around with her. That’s just my style. I’m also consciously limiting my lady drink purchases, and I’m happy to report that I only bought two during a three-hour visit.

I was feeling no pain when it was time to head out. I decided to check to see if Sit-n-Bull had any pecan pies in stock, but alas, they did not. I settled for a cherry cheesecake to go instead. But before catching a trike, I elected to do my nightcap at Wet Spot. One beer led to two, and then Daddy Dave arrived and sent a freebie to my table, so my stay was longer than intended. Still home before nine, though, but just a tad more inebriated than usual.

The weather has been almost rain-free today, so I got in a pleasant 7K hike. I’ll post the photos from that journey tomorrow. I have my usual Sunday feeding at Hideaway to attend to a bit later this afternoon. We’ll see what happens after that.

I’m in a somewhat better frame of mind re: Swan. My thinking now is to back the hell off and leave it all up to her. If she wants to see me, she’ll let me know. Otherwise, I’ll just go on with my life, such as it is.

It’s a dog’s life sometimes.

John’s place (technically John’s Sushi and Steakhouse, but who wants to say all that?) announced a new menu item on their Facebook page:

We’re about to start serving Burritos at John’s Sushi and Steakhouse.

Good burrito must have good beef of course, but restaurants have a few more tricks; good lard when make tortillas, good cheese, and refried beans must taste good itself. Good refried beans mean good bacon lard and bacon.

We cure our own bacon, use fresh pinto beans, and always use good meat with imported Wisconsin cheese.

Coming very soon!!!

Yesterday John announced they were ready and being offered at the introductory price of 395 pesos and posted this picture as further incitement:

I had a couple of warm-up beers at IDM, then made my way up the highway to John’s place.

After my meal, I hung out in Wet Spot for a bit before calling it a night. I just wasn’t feeling well for some reason. Truth be told, I might be overthinking things with Swan, and it is affecting my mental health. I reckon I’ll figure out what needs to be done in that regard, but I’m going to avoid making any hurried decisions.

When I got up to take a leak during the night, I felt a stabbing pain in my lower back. No idea where that came from; I was fine when I went to bed. I’ve also finished with the prednisolone prescription, and sure enough, the nasal congestion is back in full force with all the incumbent side effects. So, that’s my dilemma–prednisolone is not recommended for long-term use but are its side effects worse than what occurs without it? I will wait a few weeks and see how it goes, then consult Dr. Jo again if need be.

Up this morning to start another day, and sure enough, it was raining again. The sporadic showers have continued throughout the day so far. Feeling inspired by last night’s dinner, I got busy in the kitchen.

My version tastes different than John’s professional creation, but they are both good in their own way.

A couple of views from my dog walk this morning:

I visited Swan for our morning coffee together.

Swan gave me a back massage using some menthol lotion that heated things up. It did seem to relieve some of the pain, and I was able to take an abbreviated walk through the Santa Monica subdivision.

Swan also advised me that she had made other plans for tonight, so it seems I’m on my own again on a Saturday night. Perhaps that’s my destiny. It’s weird, though; I don’t find the bar scene all that enticing when there is someone I’d rather be spending time with. Oh well. Swan has her priorities, and I’m not one of them. Apparently.

Anyway, enough of this self-pity nonsense. Whatever the future brings, I’ll deal with it.

This a rare morning post here at LTG before I head out to San Antonio. It looks like I’ll be spending the night there, so this is one of those now-or-never situations.

Let’s start with last night and go from there.

After departing Hideaway, I paid a rare visit to BarCelona.

Two beers later, I went down one flight of steps to the second floor and visited Barretto’s newest bar, La Oficina. I was the only customer (it was just after opening time) and only stayed for one beer (and no lady drinks!).

I finished my night on the town with some beers and highway views at Sloppy Joe’s.

I did splurge and spent 100 pesos on street food and lady drinks for the two waitresses who were taking care of me. Hey, it’s hard to learn to be a cheap Charlie in just one night!

I saw something new on this morning’s dog walk.

And now for the weirdness. I got an email this morning from the dentist I used when I lived in Seoul. I was quite surprised because outside of several appointments almost ten years ago, we have never had any contact. Ah, but I mentioned her here on the blog.

Hello John,

I am sure you remember me. 😊
I was your dentist, in Yongsan, Seoul.
First of all. I really appreciate for your being a loyal patient when I was in Seoul.

The reason I am contacting you is that my photos in your blog appears on google search and I would you like to kindly remove all of your posts or anything related to me and my previous dental office.

I sincerely hope this request doesn’t offend you.

Our office was permanently closed and is no longer in service. Your posts can confuse some dental patiens seeking a dentist in Korea. Also, I don’t want my photos hang around on google any more especially since my clinic is permanently closed.

I also retired from dentistry and reside in the U.S now.

Once again, I appreciate that you chose and entrusted me as your dentist while I was in Korea.

Sincerely,
Dr. XXXX

Now, I would never deny a polite request like this to remove content from my blog. Hell, I deleted Se Hwa’s picture even though she rudely demanded that I do so. Anyway, I did a search for my former dentist’s name and found three posts from 2014. I removed her name and photos from each of them, as she requested. I’m always shocked that people find my blog, especially on things I’d written so long ago that I didn’t even remember doing so. But I guess Google never forgets.

And then just a little bit later I was reading one of the forums I follow and came across a post about a girl from Alaska Club. I’ve mentioned her several times on the blog. The surprise was that poster turns out to be a reader here as well.

Just confirmed that she is definitely an Alaksa girl, from the Bay’s most prominent blogger 

Speaking of which, how come there is no blogger who covers Angeles city? Don’t people like to write a diary-like report that is publicly available?

But there are plenty of vloggers on the streets of Angeles. Not much to read but plenty to see. 

In Barretto there is Subic Bay Johnny, who seems like a friendly guy who would never get into any altercation with the bar managers, Korean or otherwise. And then there is the respected blogger who shares his daily life with his worldwide readership, and provides some nice pictures too.  Though neither the vlogger nor the blogger don’t seem to be the monger types, one can’t avoid the bars of Barreto and the beautiful girls. 

Thanks for the kind words, stranger. I am curious if we have actually met, but I guess knowing would destroy the illusion of anonymity for both of us. Honestly, for a blog with such a limited readership, it is amazing to see the frequency of these random encounters.

Ah well, nothing like being a legend in your own mind, I suppose.

I forget what else I wanted to say. Oh yeah, I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember! Hey, I’m funny when you’re drunk!

Alright, time to get ready to hit the road. Anyone care for a sweet banana split before I go?

I’ll let y’all know how things are deep in the heart of Zambales in tomorrow’s post.

A wet and wild Thursday, while the rain just keeps on keepin’ on. And the fun has just begun, as I understand yet another typhoon is headed this way.

Started out with more of my newest morning ritual of coffee with Swan at 0800. That’s always a pleasure, and yesterday was no exception.

When coffee time was over, I decided to take a walk and get a closer look.

I heard from the agent looking for a replacement tenant in my current digs that she has a couple of interested foreigners. One wants to know if I can move out sooner than October. I checked with my future landlord, who told me the house would be in move-in condition by September first. So, I passed that info along, and I’ll keep my fingers crossed that someone will move in when I move out.

Not much else to do on a rainy afternoon but sit around and wait for beer o’clock. Except instead of the bars, I had an invitation for dinner with Swan at her/our place. When she was ready for me, I made the ten-minute walk in the driving rain while the wind rendered my umbrella pretty much worthless.

It was a nice evening for the most part. I did fudge up early on when I played one of my favorite songs by the Alan Parsons Project, Time. It’s the song that I hope will be played at my funeral. My mistake was mentioning that fact to Swan. She got very upset, not in an angry way, but she was quite emotional as she told me not to say that or talk about such things. Yeah, it was insensitive of me given her recent loss to mention my future mortality. I turned the song off, and went back out on the patio. She came out later, asked if I was okay, and gave me a hug.

I don’t want to feel like I have to walk on eggshells around Swan, but I do need to learn to be more in tune with who she is and how she sees things. She’s got a good sense of humor but doesn’t like me using “bad words.” She is also not fond of sexual innuendos. I’m going to have to learn to do better in both regards. Swan tends to take some things too seriously, and I’m one who likes to kid around, so hopefully, we’ll reach an understanding on some middle ground. But like I told her, if those issues are our biggest problem, we are indeed blessed.

Time
Flowing like a river
Time
Beckoning me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river
To the sea

Goodbye my love
Maybe for forever
Goodbye my love
The tide waits for me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea
To the sea

Till it's gone forever
Gone forever
Gone forevermore

Goodbye my friend
Maybe for forever
Goodbye my friend
The stars wait for me
Who knows where we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea
To the sea

Till it's gone forever
Gone forever
Gone forevermore

Day four of wind and rain with no end in sight. That didn’t stop the Wednesday Walkers, though. Well, at least not the three of us who showed up. Scott needed to pick up some items at the Waltermart store anyway, so we made that the starting and ending point of our 6.5K wet day street walk.

It was good to be out and about, but days of continuous rainfall gets old quick. It didn’t stop raining last night either, but that didn’t stop me–I had work to do:

I also rang the bell, which means buying all the girls a drink. Hey, I was feeling rich after all that money I saved by not going out on Tuesday!

Anyway, I hadn’t seen my friends at Whiskey Girl in a while, so I popped in there after completing my mission at Hideaway.

And for the record, I’ve told all my bargirl friends that I’m now in a relationship. They all seem happy for me. Why wouldn’t they be? I’m still buying lady drinks, after all.

I did my nightcap at Snackbar.

It was interesting to be back out on the town after taking a night off. I guess I’m transitioning to a new way of life, but I don’t expect I’ll be letting go of the old one completely. It’s been said that variety is the spice of life, so maybe it’s time I get seasoned. And tonight, I’ll again join Swan for dinner at her/our place. And beers on the patio!

I’m a lucky man.

…then love the one you’re with. I was the DJ during my dinner date with Swan last night, and I played a lot of love songs, but not that particular Stephen Stills classic. That’s not the kind of love I’m hoping for.

The steaks were high but they were worth it.

The steaks had been marinating in the fridge, and knowing I wouldn’t be home for lunch or dinner, I fired up the grill after the dog walk and slapped on the meat. Tender and juicy! A nice start to the morning.

The grocery shopping went fine; this week’s total expenditure was “only” 13,000 pesos. Still a tad over budget, but way down from the 18,000 I spent last week.

Coming home from Royal on the National Highway I was witness to another example of the insanity demonstrated by Filipino drivers on a regular basis.

After we dropped off the groceries, my driver took Swan and I back to Olongapo to search for some hiking shoes at the SM Central Mall. As I expected, the rumor of a store selling my preferred brand, Merrells, was unfounded. I don’t buy Nike products, and Adidas didn’t have anything that seemed appropriate to my needs.

Oh, and I learned some more French: Succès de scandale! Althouse was blogging about how the low-rated Justin Aldean song, “Try That In A Small Town,” has skyrocketed to the top of the charts since the crybaby lefties tried to cancel it. Good stuff.

You might also find this vlogger YouTube video I came across where he interviews an Angeles City freelance prostitute interesting. I had mixed feelings about it, frankly. I do feel sorry for these gals that choose the oldest profession, but in almost every case I’ve seen, it’s the only viable choice and best opportunity they have to earn a living. When the do-gooders come in and shut them down, it’s the girls who suffer—some rescue. Oh, and she claims she started at 12 years old. I think that’s most likely bullshit. You just don’t see that; almost everyone knows better than to partake in someone underage. Sad if true, but I don’t think so. Anyway, watch it if you want and make your own judgment.

Okay then, I feel like I’m forgetting something. Oh yeah! The dinner date with Swan!

The rain had been falling off and on for most of the day. I carried my umbrella and used it once during the ten minute walk.

After we ate, we went back to the patio. Since my arrival, Swan had been playing mostly romantic songs from a YouTube playlist. I volunteered to connect my Spotify app to her Bluetooth music box and play some of my favorites for her. I was actually quite impressed with her wide range of music familiarity, recognizing most of the songs and artists I shared, some of which were older than she is. So, we have similar tastes in music which is nice.

I’m drinking beer and Swan is sipping red wine. And then she comes out with a small glass of wine and takes this picture:

Well, I think it is fair to say that the question of her comfort level with me in the house has been answered–she seems fine with it, and in some ways, it is like he is still there. Now it becomes a matter of how am I going to feel about being the third wheel in this relationship. The selfish demon in me started trying to raise some negative feelings, but I resisted and told him to shut the fudge up. I focused instead on the positives. I’m glad Swan can be open about her feelings around me, I’m happy that she makes me feel welcome, and if I have to share her with a dead man for the time being, so be it. Her happiness is my mission.

Swan invited me back for a Thursday dinner/beer on the patio, and I accepted. I think her goal is for me to make staying home a better option than the bars. Well, I didn’t spend any money on beers and lady drinks last night, so that will help the budget. And Swan has agreed to join me for an adventure in Vietnam later this year, so saving some cash for that is a good plan. I’ll be glad when I’m not walking back home in the dark, though. Still, it was a good night, and I’m looking forward to a replay come Thursday.

Well there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you ought to know
That I intend to hold you for the longest time

I heard this old Billy Joel song while out walking this morning, and it resonated with my current state of mind. It also gave me a title for today’s post!

This experience with Swan has been an eye-opener. Time will tell if it is destined to be a life changer. I have now come to understand that the grief that flows from losing a long-term love is something that can’t be overcome with the good intentions of a prospective new partner. It has been said that time heals a broken heart, and to the extent that is true, the amount of time required before one moves on with whatever the future holds is something unique to the individual’s suffering. Or at least 365 days.

One of my lessons learned is that in Filipino culture, the death of a lover is expected to be grieved for at least one year. Anything less than that is considered disrespectful to the deceased. Dating or beginning a new relationship is not viewed kindly in the community. There is a law here that makes re-marriage illegal if it occurs less than 301 days after the former spouse’s death. Notwithstanding the legalities and social standards, the calendar can’t control the grief process-the heart feels what it feels.

So, I’m a selfish bastard, particularly in matters of the heart. Not fully understanding the issues Swan is suffering through, I had some expectations she was unable and unwilling to accommodate. My lack of understanding and neediness only exacerbated my feelings of rejection. Then I had a long chat with an old friend and blog reader, Maria. She’s a Filipina and a widow, and she shared some perspectives regarding what Swan is going through that I had yet to consider fairly. And commenter Kevin offered similar advice that really hit home with me. I saw just how wrong my overbearing behavior with Swan had been. The bottom line is that I finally came to realize this is not about me and what I want at all. If I genuinely have feelings for Swan, my sole concern should be doing whatever I can to make her transition from grieving to living as comfortable and stress-free as possible. My wants don’t matter; I need to give her the time and space she has been almost begging for. I now consider myself lucky that my lack of patience and selfishness didn’t drive her away from me for good.

Swan’s man died in April. She intends to abide by the one-year norm for a public display of grieving. That means no overt dating or creating the appearance of being a couple in public. She seems okay with an occasional hike, provided it is just the two of us. She has expressed an interest in overseas travel as well. Thus far, there has been no physical contact beyond hugs, and she has made it clear that she is not ready to engage in sexual activities. She seems to enjoy my company (we get together for coffee every morning), laugh, and have pleasant interactions. She doesn’t like “bad words,” so I’m learning to say “fudge” instead of “fuck”. She is a good woman with a good heart, and I have yet to see any red flags or reasons to doubt the viability of a future relationship. I think she is a good fit for me and would make a great partner in life. Except I won’t get her heart for another eight months at least. Talk about the right love at the wrong time!

As of now, here is where things stand. I told Swan I am here for her whenever she wants or needs me. I won’t bother her by asking her to spend time with me, but I’ll come running if she wants company or needs to talk. One big change is that I hired her as a part-time caregiver. Yeah, she can call me “boss,” especially if and when we are out in public together. A small salary will help her out some too. She still plans to stay at the house when I move in this October, although either in the basement with the other helpers or in the guest room. The dynamics of that situation are a bit disconcerting, but it may be clearer come October. If it is too uncomfortable, I’ll assist her in moving. Swan thanked me for understanding her situation and for my willingness to step back and allow her the time and space she needs to move on. In my heart, I know this is the right thing to do.

And there you have it. Weirdest damn place I’ve ever been in my many long and varied love lives. But I’ve got to say; this does feel different in a good way. If I’m finally setting my selfishness aside and putting the needs of someone I care about ahead of my own, maybe there is hope for me yet.

In the meantime, I’ll continue my beer drinking ways. A guy I know is opening a new bar tonight and I’m going check it out. Life goes on, even while you are waiting.