I guess I’m on a roll. But anyway, I’m more accepting lately of the way things are and I’m willing to just make the best of what may well prove to be a loveless life. Looking at things from a more positive perspective it might just be that I’m in for a lot of fun to come. Maybe starting tomorrow when Thalia comes to visit from Angeles. A few days ago I had mixed feelings about hooking up with a virtual stranger, now I am all “bring it on, and let’s see what happens.” Since I have no real expectations it’s gonna be damned hard to disappoint me, right?

Most of the commenters there gave a one-word response and the majority said “freedom”. My friend Jeremy (yeah, the guy who was recently released after serving six years in a Korean prison) had this to say:

I'd call it too much time on your hands to think about the wrong kind of stupid ass philosophical questions that are causing you to feel sorry for yourself and force you into a state of self-induced misery.

When you hang out with twenty-year old women, you can't expect true intimate companionship. You can buy it, and the more money that you have, the more they'll pretend that they love you. A woman's age and a man's wealth are inversely proportional and conducive to the happiness of the other.

If you call it freedom, you'll feel liberated. If you call it loneliness, you'll feel depressed. That's how the mind works. You have to send positive thoughts into your mind so that you can have positive emotions. In doing so, others will sense those positive vibes. However, the reverse is also true.

It's also important to have a good group of friends. If youre always talking about the good ole days and times gone by, then all that'll do is cause you to feel depressed because nostalgia is a motherfucker. It's not your friend. It always paints the prettiest picture of even the shittiest situations because the mind doesnt like negativity. The body doesnt like it, either. It doesnt perform its functions as well when it's in a negative state - mental, physical, spiritual, or emotional.

If you want companionship, John, then you need to find somebody your own age. If you want somebody to fuck, then youre going to have to pay for it, especially in the Philippines. Of course, you could always try the traditional courting methods of the Filipinos to see if they started showing interest or the family would accept the relationship.

With love ❤

That bitch-slap had a familiar ring to it, as commenters here have told me the same thing more than once. Some have even given up, considering me a lost cause. Well, as long as I am breathing there is still hope I’ll wise up I suppose. And as I said above, I really am trying to embrace a new “I don’t give a shit, let’s see what happens” attitude. And two of the women in my dating queue are also in their 40s, so we’ll see if I can erect something of substance with one of them.

Oh, and Jeremy also provided this link to courtship customs in the Philippines. Maybe this old dog needs new tricks!

Otherwise, it is just more of the same around here. I did one of my standard street walks yesterday. Nothing really special, but you can Relive it if you choose.

Highlights on the walk did include my favorite view from my street here in Alta Vista:

I also ran into “mama” taking a nap in front of a closed business:

And near the end of my hike I popped into Sit-n-Bull for a quick lunch:

Last night I watched the sun go down from my perch at Cheap Charlies:

And my company was bought and paid for with the price of a couple of lady drinks.

So yeah, I’m going to be just fine. Can’t wait to find out what happens next.

Or more importantly, let there be fans!

A power outage at oh-dark-thirty. I woke up a sweaty mess with no way to escape the heat. Best I could do was open the patio door and catch what breeze I could by laying on the couch. Power was finally restored at 0300 but by then any hope for a sound sleep was dashed. Oh well, that’s the way it goes sometimes.

I was also pretty much powerless earlier in the afternoon, contributing my fair share to an embarrassing 10-3 loss in dart league. Yeah, we were playing the first-place team but we’re in second and thought we might have a chance to move up. Nope, not this time.

After darts, I walked down the beach to McCoy’s and did some more beer drinking. Ran into a female Hasher I know there and she asked when I was going to take her home with me. Hmm. Not tonight, I told her. I was more in the mood to drink than I was to fuck, which tells you all you need to know about my state of mind. Later on, I did meet up with another gal I’m friends with. We sang some songs together at videoke and she professed to have had a good time. See, I may be lonely, but I’m not alone. Trying to get better at embracing the positives in my life.

Speaking of which, I always try to check that I haven’t used a post title previously. When doing so, sometimes I look at an old post to see what I was up to back in the day. I saw this one today from June 2005 and I was thinking “damn, not much has changed.” Still, got to re-read an Easter meditation from Kevin Kim that was one of the triggers that made me a devoted reader of his blog for all these years. And even if I haven’t “put it down” all that successfully, my life has been an interesting journey since that time. I really do believe I’m going to get back in the flow of things here soon. It may not always be the life I wanted, but it’s the life I’ve got and I ought to be glad to have it.

That’s as good a lead-in for yesterday’s Wednesday Walkers group gathering as any I suppose. We took a Jeepney into Olongapo, climbed up to the ridgeline, took some seldom used paths, and made a fine morning of it. Pictures tell the story better than I can, so here you go:

And that was my Wednesday. I’ve had worse. I’ll have better.

Although in my case, it seems to repel rather than attract. It appears my efforts to entice “Jenny” into getting to know me better have been fruitless. Well, if she ain’t interested there’s nothing I can do except keep moving on. Disappointing though, she was someone I would have enjoyed spending time with.

I’m not sure what happens next. The gal I invited to the Hash didn’t show and hasn’t responded to my messages, so fuck her. Er, I guess I won’t be fucking her, but you know what I mean. Last night I was teasing the gal at Alley Cats I was jonesing for last summer, but it seems clear that I am just a customer to her. That’s fine. Then there is a school teacher from Olongapo I got introduced to last week. She’s been chatting me up some on messenger, but I’m just not feeling any real attraction from my end. I guess the biggest potential thing on the horizon is this gal I “met” on the Date in Asia site. She lives in Angeles (works in a call center, not a bar). In her early 40s with two grown kids. The most interesting thing about her so far is that 20 years ago or so she used to Hash here in Subic. Her Hash name is Sweet Hash Hole. Anyway, she wants to come back for a Hash and may do so this weekend. Of course, she plans on staying with me. I’m not totally comfortable with that since we’ve never met in person, but damn, I’ve been on such a losing streak lately I didn’t want to say no. I’m thinking if we don’t click I’ll just rent her a hotel room for the weekend.

We’ll see what happens.

I may not be winning in the game of love, but my darts are flying okay. At least they did last night.

Speaking of magnets, I received some in the mail from my friend, Maria, who created the designs from photos she found on the blog. Yep, she’s a regular reader here and comments as BW.

And then there is this haunting photo underscoring the pain and loss that comes with a failed relationship:

Good job, Maria. Thank you again.

Good hard hike this morning, now it’s time to get ready for dart league. See you back here tomorrow!

Well, technically we had Hares, just not the one who was scheduled to be here. Slimey Limey (aka Wild Wolf) is probably one of the best-known Hashers in the PI, if not all of Asia. He was doing a Hash in Angeles on Sunday and then coming here to do our trail yesterday. Apparently, the Bureau of Immigration had other ideas. The Corona Hash circle was raided and Slimey was taken away in handcuffs. I don’t envy him, I heard the lockup where they keep immigration violators is a real hellhole. God only knows how long they will hold him there before actually processing his deportation. And no, I don’t have the details about how he ran afoul of the law. He had talked about losing a court case in a property dispute and that deportation proceedings were taking place a year or so ago, but it seems the resolution was not in his favor. Really a shame because he’s a great guy. I wish him good luck in a future that will not include his beloved Philippines.

When the news reached Barretto, two of our Hashers (Demolition Derby and Blow My Pipe) stepped up and went out Monday morning to lay a trail. Given the circumstances, they did a great job. A lot of the turf has been frequently Hashed, but they did manage to add a couple of twists and turns that were unusual. Well done, gents.

I had invited a lady friend to join us at the Hash but she was a no-show. When the Hash ended, I walked up the beach to McCoy’s and got drunk(er) alone. Even sang “Crazy” by Patsy Cline on the videoke machine. Yeah, that’s how bad off I was. I really need to get my shit together and not let these Filipinas continue to disappoint me. Hey, it’s their loss, right?

Yep, one of those kind of days. Things got off to a crappy start around 1 a.m. when I woke up with a toothache. Well, not exactly a toothache–the pain seemed to be emanating from the hole left behind when I had a tooth pulled a couple of years ago. Got up and took some aspirin and was eventually able to fall back to sleep.

Then, a little after 3 a.m. I was again awakened; this time by my window blinds tapping against the glass. It seems my fan was positioned in such a way that the wind it generated was hitting the blinds and creating enough noise to be irksome.

So, to eliminate the noise I sleepily reached out intending to turn the fan away from the window. It didn’t end well.

Needless to say, there was no more sleep for me that night. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation, but I felt like shit all day yesterday. After doing my dog walk, I didn’t have the energy to do my regular walk. I decided I’d walk in the afternoon instead, so I took a nap. The afternoon came and went and all I accomplished was another nap. I had promised a friend I’d take her to see the Central Park Reef hotel rooftop restaurant/pool area. I maybe should have canceled but didn’t want to disappoint her. She also needed some gas money (yeah, gasoline prices have gone through the roof here too) so I felt obligated to show up.

I got there a little early so snapped a couple of photos.

My guest arrived and was very delighted with the views from the rooftop. We had some beers and I ordered a couple of appetizers. She had forewarned me that because she has work early in the morning she wouldn’t be spending the night with me. That was fine with me, I wasn’t in the mood for sex anyway. See? I told you I wasn’t feeling well! And actually, I’d like to stay focused on getting Jenny to give me a try. My friend last night is not a long-term option.

And then the band started playing. Maybe because it was Sunday it wasn’t that loud ass out-of-tune rock music, instead, they played a set of folk songs. Even more surprisingly, they played well and the vocal harmonies were outstanding. I rarely enjoy live performances by amateur groups, but these guys were quite pleasant. After their first set, they left the stage and came around to the individual tables to play. When they got to ours I told them they reminded me of Peter, Paul, and Mary (even though they were all guys). Without further prompting they broke into Puff the Magic Dragon, and did a nice job with it.

I was fading fast so I said it was time to go. My guest insisted on driving me home. As we were leaving, “Jenny” came walking in with some guy. That was weird on many levels. I think she was just as surprised as I was. Anyway, we chatted later and it’s all cool. I hope.

A good night’s sleep and I am feeling 82% better this morning. That’s a good thing because it is Hash Monday. Hope I’m up for it.

And that brings y’all up to date on my so-called life. Boring as it may be to read about, I’m not complaining. Much.

Along with my fellow Hares (Blow My Pipe and Pubic Head), we pulled off a successful Hash yesterday. We had a huge turnout of around 60, with many new old faces in attendance–the folks who have been stuck in their home countries all these long months when visitors weren’t allowed. Good to see them back with more still on the way.

The feedback on the trail was mostly positive. I walked the first half again with the “sane” group and heard many comments like “I’ve lived here X years and have never been back here in this neighborhood”. Goal achieved! Folks also enjoyed the off-road portion, with a couple of relatively easy climbs. Anyway, being a Hare can be a challenge and you can’t please everyone, but yesterday seemed to have worked for most everyone. I’d call that a win.

Hash day is a good way to forget about everything else for a while.

It sure is hard to figure life out sometimes, but it sure as hell beats the alternative. The life I imagined and the life I am living are poles apart, but then again, that doesn’t make it better or worse. Not exactly an epiphany, but last night as I was sipping a beer I had a vision of my former suburban life as a retiree in the USA. I had some darts a couple of nights a week, an occasional weekend getaway, but otherwise, it was mostly sitting in front of the computer or watching TV. Damn, I got bored just typing that sentence! The point, to the extent there is one, is simply that the life you have is the one you got so make the most of it. You can be both happy and bored, especially if you don’t know what you are missing out on. I’m trying to get reconciled to my new old single life, and it is easy to lament what you’ve lost rather than embrace what you have. A year from now I might look back and remember this time as good ol’ days. It’s really not so bad.

Last evening was another opportunity to ensure my bargirl friends earned some lady drink commissions. I spent most of my time at It Doesn’t Matter quenching the thirst of Agnes and Roan.

Anyway, it is now well understood that I am nothing but a customer, and spending time with me is just part of the job. That’s just the way the game is played. Nothing to feel bad about.

After I left IDM, I stopped into BarCelona for a couple more before heading home. Engaged my favorite there, Kira, in some banter. In the course of our conversation, she also made it clear that work is work, and after work, she’s all about spending time with her kids. No room for a man in her life she says. And I’m man enough to not take a bargirl’s rejection personally.

Hash Monday has arrived. Went out this morning and put the finishing touches on our trail. I’m pretty happy with it…longish but mostly flat. I’ll let you know how my fellow Hashers feel about that tomorrow. You can get a taste of what the kennel is in for here:

I hadn’t thought about the M.A.S.H. theme song in forever, but it came up in a Quora forum I was reading this morning. The words weren’t featured in the television show (just the music) but seeing them again triggered some emotions. Oddly enough, the song was supposed to be silly/stupid–the lyrics were written by a 14-year-old if Quora is to be believed anyway. What do you think?

Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see

That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please


That game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
So this is all I have to say

Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

The sword of time will pierce our skin
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger, watch it grin

Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
"Is it to be or not to be?"
And I replied, "Oh, why ask me?"

Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I...

Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And you can do the same thing if you please

I’m choosing life. I can hardly wait to see what happens next!