Category Archives: Humor

Thanks for coming

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The latest lefty outrage these days is on the subject of income inequality.  I’m pretty much old school in my thinking I suppose, but there have always been rich and poor and there always will be. I have a bigger problem with the government playing Robin Hood than I do with inequality.  Anyway, I came across this article entitled “How When Harry Met Sally Explains Inequality”.

You can read the link if you are so inclined, but the article got me thinking about my favorite scene from that classic 1980s movie:

The clip above reminded me about the time a woman told me how there are in fact three types of orgasms.  That was news to me so I asked for further explanation.  She smiled and said: Well, you have the affirmative orgasm which sounds like this “oh yes, oh yes, OH YESSSS!”  Then there is the religious orgasm which is “oh god, oh god, OH GOD!!!!

Intrigued, I asked about the third type of orgasm.  With a serious face she told me:  Ah, that’s the fake orgasm–“oh John, oh John, oh John.”

Hey, it was funny at the time.

Asstronomy

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Seen on facebook:
In the 1930s maverick astronomer Fritz Zwicky was passed up on being awarded the Nobel Prize for the discovery of the neutron star, even though he was the one to originally predict that there must be such a thing, apparently the astronomy community was very seclusive and elitist at the time and preferred that one of their own be recognized for this achievement rather than the one who actually discovered it.

Zwicky then published a catalog of galaxies and in the opening he described the elite of the astronomy community as “spherical bastards” because: “they are bastards any way you looked at them.”

I’d call this an *ahem* universally excellent insult…

As certain as I can be

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Back in those long ago days of the 1980s I had reached a stage in my career where I enjoyed the services of a secretary.  It also so happens that she was the only person in the office who had a computer on her desk (it was a Wang).  My desk was equipped with a Dictaphone, a nifty device into which I would speak my thoughts, hand a tape to the secretary, and in a hour or two, I would have those words composed and formatted into proper business correspondence.  Well, truth be told, I’d usually have to edit two or three times to get it right–turns out what you say is not necessarily how you would write it.

And sometimes how you say it is just flat out wrong.  I have words in my vocabulary that I know and understand, but have never actually heard in conversation.  So, one day my secretary comes to me and says “boss, that word you keep using–‘as-certain’–is pronounced as-ser-tain.”  Then she laughed.  And told the rest of the staff, who laughed as well.

So, I learned humility and developed some tolerance and compassion when I see stuff this:

grammer.jpg

But I still laugh.

You don’t tug on Superman’s cape, you don’t spit into the wind…

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…you don’t pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger, and you don’t mess around with Slim (aka The Prez).

One day before North Korea’s expected launch of a ballistic missile, President Obama said that the United States was prepared to respond to the threat with “the strongest possible adjectives.” In remarks to reporters at the White House, Mr. Obama said that North Korea should fear the “full force and might of the United States’ arsenal of adjectives” and called the missile test “reckless, reprehensible, objectionable, senseless, egregious and condemnable.” Standing at the President’s side, Vice President Joseph Biden weighed in with some tough adjectives of his own, branding North Korean President Kim Jong-Un “totally wack and illin’.” Later in the day, Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel called the North Korean nuclear test “supercilious and jejune,” leading some in diplomatic circles to worry that the U.S. might be running out of appropriate adjectives with which to craft its response. But President Obama attempted to calm those fears, saying that the United States was prepared to “scour the thesaurus” to come up with additional adjectives and was “prepared to use adverbs” if necessary.“ Let’s be clear: we are not taking adverbs off the table,” Mr. Obama said. “If the need arises, we will use them forcefully, aggressively, swiftly, overwhelmingly and commandingly.”

I say go for it! Tell Mr. Kim one more false step and we will throw the book at him.

You don’t want to mess with masters of the carefully crafted invective!

(This is recycled from a blog posted in 2009.  Some things never seem to change.  Credit goes to Andy Borowitz, but the original link no longer works)