What he said…

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Let me get this straight. We’re going to be “gifted” with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don’t, which purportedly covers at least 10 million more people, without adding a single new doctor, but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents, written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn’t understand it, passed by a congress that didn’t read it but exempted themselves from it, and signed by a president who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn’t pay his taxes, for which we’ll be taxed for 4 years before any benefits take effect, by a government which has already bankrupted social security and medicare, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that’s broke!!! What the hell go possibly go wrong?

–from the comments at Politico.

A two alarm day

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Combine a new home security system and a concrete grinder (to even out the slab prior to hardwood installation) and what do you get?  Two firetrucks at your front door.  Seems the concrete dust triggered the fire alarm.  And when ADT couldn’t reach me (my cell phone was inexplicably in the “off” mode), the firetrucks rolled, sirens blaring.

Well, I’m just going to consider it the neighborhood welcoming committee.  And hope it never happens again.

On the plus side, the floors (bamboo) look bitchin’.

Coincidentally

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Spent the past several days shopping for furniture to fill the house in anticipation of eventually closing the deal.  Uncle Sam (in the guise of HUD) is taking his sweet time, although the contract offer has been accepted and approved.

Once I actually take possession I’m going to have to have the interior painted and new flooring installed before I actually move in.  But when that day comes, I’ll have the living room, dining room, and bedroom furniture I’ve now purchased delivered.

I won’t bore you with the details of my shopping experience (at least any more so than I already have), but I will relate a little story that I thought was kinda funny.

I had looked at a leather couch/love seat combo I rather fancied at Ashley Furniture.  About twice as expensive as the leather blends that are quite popular, but I’m hoping to make this the final furniture purchase in this lifetime.  So I had to consider quality over price, at least to the extent I could afford to do so. Still,  I wanted to stew on the decision for a bit before pulling the trigger.  A few days later I found a bedroom suite that filled the bill at Value City and I completed the purchase transaction with my salesman, Maurice.

Having now made up my mind to go with the leather at the Ashley store, I hooked up with Eva, the salesperson who had assisted me on my previous visit.  She asked me if I had bought a bedroom set at Value City the previous day. I was somewhat taken aback, but confessed that I had in fact done so.  It turns out that Maurice is Eva’s husband.  Apparently he had told her about his “big sale” (these folks work on commission) and I guess his description of us rang a bell with Eva.

Anyway, I thought that was a pretty amazing coincidence.  I mean, the sales staff in both stores just grab the customers randomly as they enter the store.  What are the odds that I’d just happen to get both ends of the married couple?

I guess I made both of their days. And Eva said she’d be sure and remind Maurice she got the bigger sale.  Me?  I’m feeling quite a bit poorer for the experience.  But I got some nice stuff.

Like ducks to water

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Last night the McCrarey’s invaded Puddlin’ Duck for some darts.  Brother Keith (visiting from California) and my son Kevin joined me in the weekly competition, with daughter-in-law Lauren and Jee Yeun handling the cheerleading duties.  Who’d a thunk that you’d find so many McCrarey’s in an Irish pub of all places?

Now, Keith and Kevin hadn’t played in a dart tourney before and by virtue of the vagaries of the blind draw format wound up being teammates.  And they defied odds by winning their first match in a hard fought battle.  Kevin seems to have a natural knack for hitting the double out and that served him well.

Of course, they advanced to meet me and my partner Pat in the next round and we showed them no mercy.  Darts does not recognize family blood after all.

It was a good night for this McCrarey though as I achieved tournament victory for the first time here in South Carolina.

Nothin’ is finer than winning in Carolina, to coin a phrase.

Anyway, we all had a great time and I expect Kevin may become a regular participant.  And no doubt he’s going to be beating me with regularity before too long.  He didn’t say it, but his face said “payback is hell”.

Let the darts fly!

Soup or bowl?

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Everybody around here seems to talking about that age old question of which came first, the soup or the bowl.   It seems fairly obvious that you couldn’t possible invent soup unless and until you had a bowl in which to place it.  But that’s just me.

Anyway, I understand that the issue is to be decided on something called a gridiron today.  Seems these soup packers from Green Bay or going to attempt to fill some steel bowls made in Pittsburgh or something.  Everyone is getting together at my daughter’s house to watch the action.

I’m not sure what all the fuss is about.  I’m not that hot on soup anyway.  Now, some good ol’ chili is always nice.  Especially in a steel bowl.

State Street Pub

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Another night, another darts venue.  State Street Pub in West Columbia has a Thursday tourney.  It’s about forty minutes from where I’m staying, but what are you gonna do?

So, I arrived early and was underwhelmed at first.  It was like Friends Bar in Itaewon, with somewhat better lighting.  In other words a bit of a dive and not too clean.

When the darters started showing up it made me feel a tad old.  They all appeared to be 20- somethings.  I guess I was old in Korea too, I just never felt that way.  At least not too often.

Anyway, everyone turned out to be very friendly and made us feel genuinely welcome.  And I wound up having a great time.  My game was only so-so, but truth be told, that’s usually the case, so what the hell.

Interesting format–one leg of cricket in the winners bracket, one leg of 301 (SIDO) in the losers bracket.  It keeps things moving pretty fast and even with 20 or so playing there wasn’t much waiting time.

There were some quality players present, (at least the ones who beat me of course!).  A group had come in from Aiken, SC to play and I got invited out for the Friday tourney at the VFW.  I might venture out there one of these days, but given the distance (a good hour from here) I’d probably want to book a room for the night.

So, it is good to be out and good to be playing again.

A funeral. A birthday. A baby.

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What a week.  Drove 1145 miles to Enid, Oklahoma so my mom could be buried in the family plot near her mother.  Actually, she was buried in Goltry, a small and sad outpost on the windswept and desolate Oklahoma panhandle.  I believe if you look up the word depressing in the dictionary you can see a picture of Goltry.

The day of the funeral was windy (as I expect everyday in that godforsaken land must be) and bitterly cold.  Mom wanted a simple graveside service and that is what she got.  My Aunt Pat (of fruit salad fame) led the service and the grandkids present each gave a moving tribute as to what Grandma Bonnie had meant in their lives.  Tears were shed and then it was done.

Well, we had a family gathering at the Western Sizzlin’ (apparently one of the finer dining establishments in Enid) and then those of us who were so inclined retired to the Ramada Inn bar.  The eight of us then proceeded to wash away our sorrow (at least temporarily) through massive quantities of beer and various other alcoholic beverages.

My nephew Jason and his wife Rosie brought out a guitar and sang “Upward Over the Mountain” in honor of my mom. It was an incredibly beautiful song and an appropriately moving moment that seemed to give each of some measure of closure.  I know mom would have loved it.

By unfortunate coincidence, the funeral day was also daughter-in-law Lauren’s birthday.  We did a toast in her honor.  Although Lauren was toasting us with fruit juice.  Because she found out that morning that she was pregnant with my son’s first child.  Apparently after quite some time trying.

Kevin revealed that in one of his final conversations with mom she had asked him to promise to take his son to church on Sundays.  He told her “grandma, I don’t have a son”.  She said “just promise”.

Renee is convinced that the first thing mom did in heaven was to pull some strings.  I don’t know about that.  But it was a day of days for sure and I wouldn’t put anything past my mom.

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Life moves on

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Things seem really different around here in the absence of mom’s presence.  I’m equally torn between relief that her suffering is over and enormous sadness that the life she loved so much is gone.  But I guess that’s really the way it works out for most people, isn’t it?

She wants to be buried next to her mother in Goltry, Oklahoma.  It’s a tad over 1100 miles from here and I’m in the mood for a road trip.  So I’ll be hitting the Interstate on Friday.

Last night I played darts for the first time since I’ve been “home”.  Found a nice little Irish pub with three boards named The Puddlin’ Duck.  I joined the “league” which amounts to a weekly blind draw double elimination tourney.  There were fourteen of us throwing tonight and I felt warmly welcomed.  So, I’ve got Wednesdays covered at least.

Played so bad though even Jee Yeun was embarrassed for me.  I overheard her telling my new mates that I really wasn’t that bad.  Well, not to make excuses but it has been awhile since I’ve thrown and it being a new venue surrounded by strangers and all it’s understandable I’d be off my game.  Right?  Right?

Anyway, it will be better.  It’s got to get better.

All you need is love

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The nearest friends can go
With anyone to death, comes so far short
They might as well not try to go at all.
No, from the time when one is sick to death,
One is alone, and he dies more alone.
Friends make pretense of following to the grave,
But before one is in it, their minds are turned
And making the best of their way back to life
And living people, and things they understand.

–Robert Frost (from Home Burial)

My mother died this morning.  At home, peacefully in her sleep.  These past two weeks had been a struggle for her but she kept on fighting.  It was heartbreaking to watch her fade away each day.  She had stopped eating, drinking, and using her oxygen and become verbally non-communicative.  But until yesterday I could still see her “in there” behind her eyes and there was a spark of recognition when friends and family members came to visit.

The best night occurred last week when her sisters from California were here.  She was surrounded by people who loved her and she seemed to really perk up.  She actually made a little speech about what’s important in life and she said all that matters is love.  Mom told us to always love one another and everyone else we encountered.  When it was done she smiled and said, “well, I guess I gave a sermon”.  Mom was clearly loving having her family with her, that’s for sure.

She deteriorated pretty quickly after that.  She lost the ability to speak, but still would lift her arms and offer hugs to any and all takers.  Later she was reduced to moaning and grunts and all we could do was administer morphine and keep her as comfortable as possible.  She would still make eye contact and I sensed a pleading for help, but there was no help I could provide other than stroking her head.

The last days watching her lie there fighting for breath was heartrending and we could only standby watching her suffering.  This morning we woke to find her at peace at last.

You know, I have always feared dying alone.  So I thought it was a good thing that mom had family around her at the end of her days.  But I also observed that no matter the circumstances, we are all going to die alone.  Mom was physically alive, but she was also already gone to some other unreachable place.  I can only hope it was comfortable and pain free there.

Thanks for all the love you so freely gave me mom.

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A week in the life

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Leaving Korea proved to be harder in the end than I imagined it would be.  The New Year’s eve send off was tremendous and I will carry many happy memories of my Korea life wherever the future may lead me.

Had a long but uneventful New Year’s Day flight to the USA.  I was welcomed to America by a Thrifty car rental agent who made a big show of “doing me a favor” by allowing me to actually rent the car I had reserved.  Seems that if I rent a car using a debit card I am required to provide my return flight information.  Which since I have now made South Carolina my home I don’t possess.  She hemmed and hawed and finally made the comment that she would “do me a favor” and rent me the car.  I was tired and hungover and wanted to tell her to go fuck herself but my desire to get out of the airport and on my way overcame the impulse and the transaction was completed.  Her parting shot was “well, I’ve done my good deed for the day!”.  I shook my head and walked away but I was reminded of one of the reasons I’m dreading living in the USA.  Sanctimonious bitch!

I dropped off my bags at the house and went to visit my mom in the hospital.  Not good.  Not good at all.  I was shocked at how much she had deteriorated since my visit in November.  Things were much worse than I imagined and the doctor confirmed that they would not be getting better.  Since there was nothing more to be done medically (congestive heart failure) we were presented with two options–home hospice care or confinement to a nursing home.  We made the obvious choice of allowing her to die at home.

So, a hospital bed was delivered and set up in the living room (ironic name, eh?).  A hospice worker comes five days a week to bathe my mother.  A hospice nurse comes a couple of times a week.  A social worker also appears periodically.  The rest is up to us family members.  I never imagined I’d participate in changing my mother’s diapers, but that’s now part of my daily routine.  I’m doing my best to make her as comfortable as possible for as long as she may have left, but it somehow doesn’t feel like it is nearly enough.

Mom told me she loves me for coming home to her, so there’s that.

I spilled diet coke on my netbook keyboard on a drunken New Year’s morning.  The computer functioned fine except when I typed letters would randomly be numbers and vice-versa, which made logging on with passwords impossible.  Hence the lack of posting here.  I took it in for repairs and got a call yesterday that there was nothing wrong and I could pick it up.  Well, maybe the Vaio has a self-healing feature or I experienced a minor miracle.  Even more bizarrely the repair shop said “no charge”.

I bought a car, bought insurance for said car, and obtained a South Carolina driver’s license.  The last item was was touch and go.  Despite having my passport and birth certificate, the wanted my original social security card.  Well, when it was issued 40 years ago it was just a flimsy business card material that has long since disintegrated.  I didn’t think to bring my last pay stub but then I remembered that I had failed (intentionally) to return my Army ID card.  And since it won’t expire until 22 January and it showed my SSN, I was golden.  All I had to do now was demonstrate proof of residence.  Well, I’m staying with my parents, but my name is on the deed to the house.  In the state’s eyes, that doesn’t prove I live there (valid point, since my name has been on the deed for 6 years, and I’d been here 6 days).  Of course, the utility bills are in Dad’s name so it looked like I was in a classic catch-22 situation.  Then I remembered my proof of insurance certificate showing my living at this address.  Score!  I am now a licensed driver in SC for the second time in my life.

Thursday I drove my nephew Joshua (who had been staying with mom and was a tremendous help) to the airport in Raleigh.  It was an 8 hour round trip, but my new car handled well and provided a comfortable ride.

Jee Yeun has been an angel.  She’s a natural born caregiver and has really done everything possible to make mom comfortable (including pedicures).

Of course, despite our best efforts, mom is not comfortable at all.  She seems to be having an increasing difficulty breathing and she’s miserable staying in bed.  She begs us to let her up, but it is just not possible to move her in her current state of immobility.

I thought for awhile we were going to lose her last night, but she came around.

Her sisters are due in this afternoon and she’s looking forward to that.

And now we are just watching and waiting and hoping her suffering is not too great.

I hate everything about my new life.  And I’m glad to be here.  For whatever that’s worth.

That about sums it up

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So, today is my last day at work.  At our team luncheon I’m going to talk about “change” using the Who Moved My Cheese? book as a reference point.  In doing some Google prep, I came upon this blog post which actually captures what I’m feeling these days better than I could ever hope to express.

It’s the inevitable let down at the end of a great adventure.

But I’m going to make sure this is merely the transition time between adventures.  Or go crazy.  One of those.

Some faces

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Looking back over my time in Korea…

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Duke

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Tom and Yuli

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Those Canadians, Scott, Craig, Colin and Unknown

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Nolan at the DMZ

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Jin

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Mario

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World famous Dolce Vita blowjobs.  The shots, not the dudes.

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Who says you can’t get injured playing darts.  Tom and Tae Shin.

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Walt and Miseon.  I sold his former car today.

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Simon and Jay

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Matt

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So Young.

And now I’m so tired.

It don’t come easy

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Trying to knock out the final items on my out-processing checklist.  Today’s objective was getting the car inspected in preparation for selling it.

So, it’s always a bit of pain in the ass to get over to Camp Kim from Yongsan Garrison via Camp Coiner.  But I navigated it. 

Got to the AAFES CarCare Center and I was the only customer.  Paid my 20 bucks and walked across the lot to the vehicle registration center to pick up the forms required to process the sale of my car (to a co-worker which was in fact easy).  I was a little surprised to see that the registration office will be closed both Thursday and Friday this week and next.  Which basically leaves me almost no margin for error in dealing with the USFK bureaucracy.  So, I figured I’d get things done today and not have to worry about it.

No dice.  My car failed inspection.  Seems the CV joint boot is torn.  So, with my rejection slip in hand I drove over to the other side of Yongsan to Kim’s Garage (AAFES does not do vehicle repairs).  I look around the shop and call “Yogio!” but the place seems deserted.  I note a Volvo station wagon out front with the engine running and the drive fast asleep at the wheel.  After spending a couple more minutes in a fruitless search for a mechanic I take another gander at the Volvo.  It has the USFK ID sticker in the windshield and the sleeping driver is a Korean–in a mechanics uniform!  Putting 2+2 together, I knock on the window and ask the guy if he fixes cars (as opposed to just sleeping in them, which I didn’t say but I hope was implied by my tone of voice).

Anyway, he does and will and I’m promised that my car will be ready at 1300.  We’ll see.  If things go as planned, I will take the new owner of the car to the insurance place where he will buy and I will cancel.  Then back to Camp Kim for the vehicle transaction. 

Wish me luck.

What would an evacuation of Korea look like?

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Not pretty.

We (USFK) actually practice evacuating non-essentials twice a year.  It works pretty well on paper. I’m no expert but I also know the real world scenario would likely mean nothing going as planned.

I would definitely be more inclined to “shelter in place” than attempt to flee.  I’m guessing my designated evacuation point is already on the list on North Korean artillery targets.  And as the linked article notes, all roads south would be gridlocked anyway (hell, they get that way on major holidays).  And I seriously doubt the Korean bus drivers will be showing up to transport miguks when their own family members are at risk.

So, there ain’t much point in worrying about it, is there?