Not me. I walk to the bathroom several times a day. But I couldn’t help but think of Kevin Kim when I saw this….
Climb every mountain
1
I read the news today, oh boy…
I’m not shaving (or smiling) much these days it seems…
Just over a month into this American life and I’ve got say there is nothing much blog worthy to report other than “it sucks”. Don’t believe me? Let me share with you the events of this day in the life.
It began with an early (or late if you will) morning of television (Shameless) and a marathon round of Civilization that kept me plopped down in front of the computer until shortly after 3:00 a.m. With my eyes burning and blurry I finally made my way to bed.
My sleep was more restless than usual and I awoke at 5:30 feeling cold. Since my bed was devoid of a warm body to cuddle with, I fumbled in the dark for the switch to turn on my Korean-style heating pad. Nothing like a warmth coming from below and soon enough I was back in slumber-land.
I opened my eyes again around 9:30 but basked in the glow of my hot bed (during the night I had kicked off the sheet and comforter, reckon I ought to dial it down a notch or two). Hunger pangs finally drove me from my crib a little after ten. Feeling unusually motivated, I baked up a batch of blueberry muffins rather than more normal fare of cereal and milk. While the muffins were baking I rolled the trash receptacle to the curb.
The muffins came out warm and tasty and with my hunger satiated I commenced to do the laundry. Two loads, whites and darks. Even laundered the bedding. My policy (recent though it may be–I had a maid in Korea and more recently a now absent wife) is to wash the sheets once a month whether they need it or not. They probably did as I tend to frequent night sweats.
With the LG appliances humming about their business, I ventured out into the internets to catch up on world events. Nothing had improved since I’d last checked. I did leave a longish comment to this post on the Big Hominid’s blog concerning the high price of fuel. Nothing all that insightful on my part, but certainly of more substance than the crap I post here at LTG. And while you are over at Kevin’s blog make sure you read his outstanding post on the afterlife. Death looms ever larger in my thoughts these days, but like Kevin I have my doubts about going to a better place (or anyplace for that matter) when my body finally succumbs to the daily abuse to which I subject it. Heh, just thought of that old Blood, Sweat and Tears song “And when I die“.
I then proceeded to make my moves in Words with Friends, a Scrabble like game I play online. I have multiple matches going with my brother and an old friend from Korea who now resides in Canada.
After I folded and put away the laundry I made up the bed with that fresh linen. Feeling a sense of accomplishment, I sat back down in front of the computer and fired up a new round of Civilization. A couple of hours later I heard rain pounding on the roof, so I opened the front door and watched that for awhile.
I got hungry again so I made myself a ham and cheese sandwich. Then I checked the mail (just a water bill) and rolled the trash can back to the house.
I had a dart league captain’s meeting to attend tonight so I jumped in the shower, got dressed, and drove into downtown Columbia to a pub called Publick House. On the way I stopped at Walgreen’s and bought a carton of smokes and three twelve-packs of Diet Coke. Whatever gets you through the day, right?
I had nothing much to say at the meeting, mostly because I don’t care all that much about the pub league. Things moved on during my lengthy absence and I’m kinda the outsider now, or at least it feels that way. That, and I’m in a generally foul mood lately. Not mad or upset with anyone in particular, just don’t give a shit about a league I helped found. Or much of anything else really. I think people took my silence as being more than it is though. I’m not all that friendly on my best days, and I haven’t had a “best” day since I got back in country.
After the meeting we played some darts. I didn’t throw all that well and my partner played worse, so it was two and done for us. Paid my tab, tipped the waitress, and drove on home.
Sent the wife a message telling her I need her to come home to me. She responded that she is getting really frustrated with the landlord and is ready to say fuck it (I’m paraphrasing) and leave. I don’t really understand why she can’t move out before the apartment sells, I guess it may have something to do with getting her rather substantial key money back (somewhere in the neighborhood of $150,000). Anyway, she’s going to give it a few more days and then make arrangements to return to the USA. Her caveat is that if and when the apartment sells, she’ll need to return to Korea. My attitude is we’ll see what happens when and if that time comes.
I finished the day by writing this depressing and meaningless post. Which I guess is an apt description of my American life.
And now you know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall.
Are you coming?
According to this article in Mail Online, “there is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm, a clitoral orgasm or even a G-spot Instead, the umbrella term ‘female orgasm’ should be used, the study authors argue.”
Well, I guess it was just a matter of time until the political correctness virus invaded the sanctity of our bedrooms. I’m no scientist but I have it on good authority that there are in fact three types of female orgasms. An old girlfriend told me so. Of course, I asked her to explain and here’s what told me.
First, you have the affirmative orgasm which sounds like this: oh yes! oh yes! oh yes!
And then there’s the religious orgasm: oh god! oh god! oh god!
“So, what’s the third type?” I asked her.
She laughed and said well that’s the fake orgasm–“oh John! oh John! oh John!”
I don’t miss that bitch at all.
Is it time to bomb Canada?
I’ve discovered evidence that ISIS is actively recruiting there.
Nada y nada
Not much posting going on here at LTG of late, but the fact of the matter is there just isn’t much happening in my life worthy of note. Of course, that’s never stopped me from writing about nothing before. Truth is, I’m in a bit of a funk. It goes beyond mere boredom. I was often bored in Korea as well, but at least I wasn’t so damn lonely. Yes, I miss my wife.
I’m one of those types who just doesn’t seem to fare well on his own. I tend to sink into an abyss of unmotivated laziness. Jee Yeun would shame me out of my worst behaviors, like sitting around in my underwear all day smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo. Well, the television is better quality that the Statler Brothers enjoyed but you get my meaning. I’ve also been playing Civilization marathons which fills the hours but leaves me feeling unsatisfied and a little depressed. I’m just wasting time, however comfortably and well. And at my age, the last thing I should be doing is wasting whatever time I might have left. I reckon I ought to put a boot up my ass and break out of this cycle of despair. Just not sure where to start and I’m feeling trapped. Fuck it. I’ll think of something.
If it weren’t for darts I might not ever leave the house. I’ve taken road trips to play in Charlotte and Aiken, and tomorrow I’m going to head up to Greenville for the afternoon to shoot in a regional qualifier. I’ve been a little disappointed with the degradation of the dart scene here in Columbia. Some personality conflicts have created a situation where darts are no longer played at my favorite pub. I did my best to mend those fences but to no avail. So I’m breaking out on my own and starting a new tournament that I’m calling #TDT (throw darts Thursday). Not sure I can bring people back but I’ll give it a shot.
And that’s about it. I haven’t heard from Jee Yeun for a few days. I’m guessing they don’t have internet in the countryside or something. Last time we talked (messaged) she said she’d be coming home to me as soon as she can get moved out of her apartment. I’m hoping that means sometime this month.
“It’s like I told you, only the lonely can play…”
That’s my boy!
So, my son Kevin made the front page of Friday’s paper here in Columbia. Of course, that fact in and of itself could be either good or bad. Happily it was good news. The boy done made his daddy proud.
Dear John
This week I was notified that I was not selected for the job I applied for. It is pretty much what I expected, but I was still a little dejected. Especially because I was so well connected with a friend in the company. Not sure if it was something I neglected to put in my resume, or perhaps it was something I wrote to which they objected. But now that I’ve reflected, the resume is pretty much perfected (even the grammar has been corrected) and my experience in the field is well respected. And while my confidence has not been affected, I have detected certain barriers to my employment may have been erected. Perhaps it is my age as I’ve previously suspected. Or maybe that’s just what I’ve projected but I’ve elected not to be infected by self-doubt. Regardless, my pension checks will still be collected so my finances are pretty much protected.
Ah well.
Don’t leave home without it
My new driving accessory arrived in today’s mail.
My own personal breathalyzer…
When I opened the back to insert the batteries I got a little surprise that made me laugh out loud (hey, I’m easily entertained):
Who’d a thunk it? Ah well, it goes nicely with my Samsung TV and LG appliances. Guess next thing on my shopping list will be a Kia…
Anyway, I took it for a *ahem* test drive tonight. Before leaving the house I gave it a blow and registered 0.00 blood alcohol content (BAC). Since I hadn’t had anything to drink it seemed to be working to perfection. First stop was a new bar for me called Over the Rails. It sits right next to the CSX railroad line, hence the name. The owner wants to install a couple of dart boards so me and a pal dropped in to reconnoiter the joint. It’s a bit of a dive, but the staff and patrons were friendly enough. Had two icy cold Mich Ultras and headed to the car to see precisely how drunk I wasn’t.
In accordance with the instructions, I fired up the BACtrack and let it do its 12 second warmup. At the appointed time I took a deep breath and gave it a hardy 5 second blow. And it registered a BAC reading of 0.67, perilously close to the legal limit of 0.8. I was a bit dismayed until I remembered the instructions emphatically stated that you must wait 20 minutes after your last alcoholic beverage to ensure an accurate reading. I had waited maybe 2 minutes at most.
Seeing as how I was still technically on the legal side of the limit I felt confident enough to drive the two miles to my regular pub, Kwagga. Played some darts and enjoyed two more beers. Then I had a diet Coke and waited the specified 20 minutes before passing wind into my breathalyzer. This time I got a much more satisfactory reading of 0.36. So, four beers in two and a half hours and I was less than half-drunk. Which tells me my self-imposed limit of five beers in three hours was pretty much on target (a bucket of five bottles of beer sells for a discounted rate of ten bucks which is why I go that route). But there’s nothing like the peace of mind and confidence you gain when you don’t have to fear being arrested.
A commenter on my previous post about the BACtrack asked if the product came with a guarantee. After reading the instruction booklet I can state with certainty that it does not. In words that only a lawyer could write it made clear (repeatedly) that it is never safe to operate a motor vehicle after consuming any amount of alcohol. Furthermore, the results of the BACtrack are not admissible in a court of law. And just in case you missed it, the last page of the booklet contains one line of words in capital letters: DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. So I won’t. Much. And certainly not while driving.
In other news, my buddy Duke up in Northern Virginia left a comment on the post where I mentioned I had applied for a job at Yongsan Garrison in Seoul. Turns out that vacancy is with the company he works for. The hiring decisions are made a couple of pay grades below him, but he did forward my resume with a recommendation from him to the folks who will make the selection. I figure that may boost my prospects, although Duke did note that they give first preference to military veterans. I had no idea at the time I applied that I actually had an inside connection. And if Duke hadn’t read my blog he wouldn’t have known I was looking for work there. IF (and that’s a BIG if in bold face letters) I have the good fortune of being selected I would love the fact that after nearly ten years of blogging this damn hobby of mine actually paid off in a tangible way. We’ll see.
Finally, for those readers who care about my darting “career”, I’m happy to report that I’m off to a hot start back here in America. In the Tuesday pub league, I won 6 legs (our team totaled 8). In last night’s Pointless Dart League tournament me and my partner earned a first place finish. More darts on tap tomorrow in Columbia at the Publick House tourney and then I’ll drive up to Charlotte on Saturday morning to participate in a “fun shoot” at Steamer’s Pub. Since I haven’t played there before I have to get “rated” prior to the the tourney. Not sure what that entails but it should be interesting.
So there you have it. Other than my continued sleep deprivation things are going about as well as might be expected. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.
The new normal?
Six days in and my sleep pattern is still not right*. Last night I was up late completing an online job application. Went to bed around 2 a.m. and found myself wide awake at 4. Back to bed at 6 a.m. and slept until 8. Took a nap at 2 p.m. and woke up at 4.
If the pattern holds I reckon I’ll get the recommended 8 hours of sleep, except I’m getting it in fragments. Which is fine I suppose, although during my waking hours I’m feeling lethargic and unmotivated. Did make it out to the bank to deposit $236 in small checks from my inherited oil lease royalties that had accumulated during my time in Korea. Thanks mom!
The job I applied for is with a military contractor on Yongsan Garrison that provides career counseling for soldiers and their family members who are leaving the service. Although I’ve never actually worked as a career counselor my experience as a human resources manager I think qualifies me to teach folks job application and interviewing skills. Of the jobs I’ve looked at this seems like the best fit. I’m not optimistic the company will see it that way though. But nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Tonight I’ll make my darts debut in the Monsters of the Midlands pub league. That may bleed over into my scheduled two hours of sleep, but I’ll adjust I suppose.
*I really don’t think this sleep disorder is entirely caused by jet lag. Sleeping alone has also got me out of sorts. It didn’t rain today so tomorrow I may get out the lawnmower and do some mowing. Maybe a little physical exertion will convince my body it’s time for a good night’s sleep.
BACtrack
As most of my reader(s) know I enjoy drinking beer in social settings (although rarely at home). While I don’t have much of a social life, I do play darts two or three times per week and I’ve found beer to be a useful tool in that endeavor. In fact, beer is commonly referred to in the sport as “aiming fluid”.
Given the outstanding public transportation system in Korea I never really had to worry about the amount of beer I consumed during a dart match (other than recognizing that after a certain point inebriation will impact on the quality of my game). Here in the USA there is no getting around driving to the various dart venues, so it is imperative to not drink in excess of the legal limit (currently .08 blood alcohol content in South Carolina) when operating a motor vehicle. I’m actually very paranoid about driving after drinking. I never get “drunk-drunk”, but I’m quite certain I could potentially exceed .08 with no outward signs of impairment.
The rule of thumb is to limit yourself to one drink per hour which I find difficult to do. I’m a big guy and based on the online calculators I’ve looked at, I can probably partake in four beers in an hour without crossing the line. What I normally do is drink five beers during a three hour dart match, then switch to diet Coke at the end of the evening. That’s probably a “safe” amount, but other factors come into play (for example, what you have eaten) and the truth of the matter is you can never be certain. Alcohol impairs judgement, and making the judgement that you are okay to drive after drinking is a fool’s bet.
Being arrested for DUI is an expensive and life altering event. And that’s really the best case scenario. God forbid you do something stupid which causes death or injury to yourself or someone else. I’ve learned that two friends were busted for DUI during the six months I was staying in Korea. I’ve also been told that DUI checkpoints are frequently set up along the route I travel home after a night of darting. Despite my intent to be responsible when it comes to drinking and driving, I really fear inadvertently fucking up.
So, this morning I purchased one of these from a company called BACtrack:
My own personal breathalyzer. A bargain at $129.95 considering what a miscalculation would cost me.
Once it arrives it will be interesting to see how accurate my personal rule-of-thumb has been. But one thing is certain, I will never drive my vehicle anytime I am anywhere near the legal limit. In fact, my plan is to not get behind the wheel at over .05. That’s the standard the federal government wants the states to impose. It’s the right thing to do and you can’t put a price tag on the peace of mind that comes with being a responsible driver.
Livin’ in the USA
Three days into this iteration of my American life and I’m still not sleeping. Well, technically I am sleeping, but only in bursts of two or three hours at a time. Not sure why I’m having such a hard time re-setting my circadian rhythms, but it is getting to be a bit of a pain in the ass.
After a long but uneventful flight on Wednesday I arrived at my South Carolina home at 6:30 p.m. That concluded about a 22 hour door-to-door trip. I managed maybe two hours of sleep on the plane so I was exhausted. I had every intention of staying awake until midnight or so to get my body back on Carolina time, but at 8 p.m. I had to surrender and went to bed. I awoke at 10:30 p.m. somewhat refreshed and definitely hungry. So I headed out to the 24 hour supermarket to do some grocery shopping. Came home and cooked up a rack of ribs and started watching season 4 of Game of Thrones. Made it through 5 episodes or so, and tried to catch some sleep around 9 a.m. Woke up at noon, and finished up GOT. It seems every season concludes with the death of a major character, and I was pretty surprised at who they killed off this go around. Won’t spoil it for you though if you haven’t seen it.
Fell asleep on my amazingly comfortable leather couch for about 3 hours and woke up hungry. So I headed out to Rush’s, a local fast food chain, and ordered me up a basket of chicken wings.
Nice-uh!
After devouring that tasty chicken I fiddle-farted around on the computer until 2 a.m. or so and tried again to get a full night’s (or morning as it were) sleep. No dice. Woke at 3:30 and knew I’d be up for awhile. So, I started watching VEEP, a mildly amusing political comedy featuring Julia-Louis Dreyfus. Between episodes I baked up a batch of cinnamon rolls (well, I opened a can and popped them in the oven). Obviously I haven’t initiated my low carb diet plan yet. I had good intentions about doing some banking and running some errands, but I found myself growing sleepy shortly after noon, so I hit the sack for the longest period of sleep I’d managed thus far–four hours.
With Friday night looming my body told me it was time for some darts. So I showered up and headed out to my local pub, Kwagga. When I left for Korea back in March this was the place to be for dart action in Columbia. Sadly, due to some personality conflicts the owner found it necessary (wrongly in my opinion) to ban several dart players from the bar. Several others had moved away during my absence which left only me and one other guy there to play. In fact, for most of the night we were the only customers in the bar. I’m afraid that doesn’t bode well for the future of Kwagga, which is a shame really. Still, the owner welcomed me back with a bucket of Michelob Ultra beer (hey, only 2.6 grams of carbohydrates per bottle!). Dirk, the South African owner of Kwagga, mentioned he had a new item on the menu. With his accent it sounded like he was saying “Buddha’s balls”, which didn’t sound too appetizing. But it turns out it was more like boerwors, a South African sausage which was served on a bun. Hell, it looked like a hot dog so I slathered it in ketchup. Dirk was aghast and said “you just ruined it”. He pointed to the sauce served on the side and said that’s what you are supposed to put on it. Hell, I thought it was for dipping the chips. Anyway, I found it quite tasty, ketchup and all.
I played darts until about 10:30 then headed home. I felt sure that with some American beer and South African sausage in my belly I’d sleep like a baby through the night. I stayed up until 12:30 just to be sure but alas, I woke up at 4:00 a.m. With nothing else to do with myself I sat down at the keyboard to treat my faithful readers to this post which I believe perfectly captures the astounding boredom of my so-called life in the USA.
Once the rest of the world wakes up I plan to do a little shopping and maybe treat myself to a 5 Guys burger.
I consider this the best fast food burger in the USA.
Later this afternoon the daughter is bringing the grandkids over for a visit. And I’ll be missing my yobo immensely. It really sucks being here without her.
So there you have it. As far as I know everything I’ve written above is true and correct. But then again, I saw this article in Time magazine that says less than 5 hours sleep leads to false memories. So who knows?
Never forget
The last supper
A final meal with friends Tom and Yuli at Don Valley
I’m fixin’ to head out to Incheon to catch my flight across the wide Pacific. Sad to be making the trip alone, but Jee Yeun needs to stay and care for her mother. I offered to stay and help but Jee Yeun will be taking her mom to the “countryside” for the next couple of weeks. So, faced with being alone either way, I stuck with the plan and will return to the USA as scheduled.
Goodbye to you Korea!
Happy Chuseok!
Hope everyone has a great holiday with family and friends!
Death cloud
A poisonous fog descended on the neighborhood across the street from my apartment this morning.
Die you bastards! Die!
Purportedly the gas cloud kills mosquitoes. I suspect that at best it just causes them to relocate to my side of the street. I’ve never seen them spray over here. And those pesky bastards have been all over my ass (and legs and arms) for most of the summer.
I’ve been zapping the ones I can see with the worthless stuff in the blue can. It just seems to make them hungrier. The green bottle takes some of the itch out of the bite though.
Five more days. Then I can be bitten by the South Carolina variety.
Welcome back ROKdrop!
One of my favorite Korea-centric blogs is back in business after experiencing technical difficulties these past several days. I had similar issues with the same blog host last year (see here and here). I hope GI Korea is able to find someone at blogs-about to assist with transferring his archives.
Anyway, if you link to ROKdrop, his new domain is ROKdrop.net. The .com address wasn’t working for me at least.
A dangling modifyer?
Winding it down
Seven days remaining in this iteration of my Korea life. Here’s how things stand:
Played my last league match with the Dillinger’s Dartitis Quarantine team. We won our first match of the season against the Sin Bin Dartaholics, but I turned in another sorry performance. USA Goal: Practice, practice, practice. I have a board at home so no excuses!
Rolled over in my sleep last night and wound up face first on the floor. Can’t remember the last time I’ve fallen out of bed like that. USA Goal: Avoid nocturnal skydiving. My bed at home is twice as high as my low-lying Korean mattress so I don’t want to break my neck.
Had my checkup with Dr. Yoo this morning. I was surprised that my blood work actually showed some significant reductions in both categories of “bad cholesterol” because my diet discipline has been sorely lacking these past several months. Guess that Lipitor really does work. Dr. Yoo also told me to “cut back on the carbs and lose some weight. USA Goal: Get back on the diet and exercise plan and stick with it! I’ve got me some good intentions to live a healthier lifestyle, including kicking the cigarettes (again!).
I’ve done a little more networking and have floated my resume to a couple of more contractors for potential on-base employment. Times are tough and most organizations are cutting back so I haven’t gotten a lot of encouragement. My dream job would be to get re-employed with my old organization but there are some pretty major hurdles involved with that as well. I also learned that if move forward with the F-6 visa (Korean equivalent of the green card) I will essentially be unemployable with USFK. USA Goal: Shit or get off the pot. I figure I’ll give it till January or so and then try to make some decisions about the course of my future life.
Anyway, it’s been a pretty good six months here. I’m also looking forward to getting back to the comforts of my American life. Perhaps I should be encouraged that my one foot in two continents lifestyle is working out as well as might be expected. Hopefully I will always be sad to leave one and happy to return to the other.
Getting my KIX
Yesterday I pulled a DELTA (didn’t ever leave the airport) at Osaka’s Kansai International Airport (KIX). And now through the miracle of the internet you too can share in the adventure!
The day began with an 0600 wake-up call via my trusty Samsung Galaxy. I frittered around for a bit before making it down to the Airport Limo bus stop near my apartment at 0645. Said bus arrived ten minutes later, I paid my W7000 fare, and was off to historic Gimpo International Airport. Note to travelers: I’ve never seen the Airport Limo full up, but this time we left folks standing at the stop after mine. Plan accordingly.
I arrived at Gimpo without incident at 0730 and waited in a long ass line to check in with Korean Air. My flight was at 0905 so I wasn’t too worried. Sure enough, I had my boarding pass and was through security/immigration by eight. Jee Yeun had directed that I purchase her favorite perfume at the duty free store. My last trip to Kansai I wasn’t able to find it, so with time to kill I went shopping in the Lotte duty free store and found what I (she) was looking for. I was $78 poorer and also burdened with carrying (and not losing) a shopping bag for the entirety of my trip, but hey, the things we do for love!
I paid a little extra to fly Korean Air as opposed to the low-cost carrier Peach Air which I used on my previous trip to Osaka. I figured Korean Air would be a little more comfortable in coach but it was every bit as cramped as Peach. Still, I did have the convenience of flying out of Gimpo (much closer to home than Incheon) and Korean Air served a breakfast snack (cinnamon roll, yogurt, pineapple) and free beverages, all of which I would have paid extra for on Peach. Anyway, we left on time and arrived on time with the wheels down, so no complaints.
They say that no man is an island. But when you arrive at KIX you are on an island made by man.
Another benefit to Korean Air is that you arrive at the main terminal, avoiding a longish bus ride from the wasteland that is terminal 2. After deplaning I made my way to see the immigration man. Apparently coming to Japan for less than a day raises some red flags. On the arrival form I had listed my destination as my return flight to Korea. Immigration man asked me what I would be doing in the land of the rising sun. I told him I’d be taking the train into downtown Osaka and doing a brief tour of the city. He looked at some flight schedules posted on his desk, so I helpfully showed him my return flight info. “That’s eight hours from now” he said incredulously. “Yes it is” I agreed. He shook his head, stamped my passport, and I was off to customs.
Apparently coming to Japan for less than a day without luggage raises some red flags. I recounted my tale of doing a brief tour of Osaka before returning to Korea. He then checked the stamps in my passport and noticed that I had almost exhausted my second 90 day tourist visa in Korea. He asked when I was going back to the US and I showed him my flight info for September 10. He then wanted to know why I was going back to Korea. I told him I have a Korean wife who wants me to return (hard as that may be to believe). He kinda of laughed and said “oh, a Korean wife”. Then he wanted to know what was in the shopping bag, and I told him it was perfume. Apparently buying shit duty free in one country only to carry it back to that same country raises some red flags. “Who’s the perfume for?” he asked. “My wife” I responded. He gave me a look and asked to see the shopping bag. Finding only the perfume and my spare pack of smokes I figured I was good to go. Nope. He decided to search me. Well, it was more of a pat-down than a search. Not sure if he thought I was a terrorist or a drug mule. But finding no weapons or contraband he finally sent me on way.
Having successfully managed a legal entry into Japan, the only thing I had to kill was time. I wandered around the four floors of the terminal to reacquaint myself with the lay of the land. Then I walked over to the train station to see what was going on there. I guess they were having some kind of festival. There was a line of tents with merchants selling various goods and foods. And some loud ass music and dancing. I saw some wild haired Japanese girl band members posing for photos with their fans, but when Gangnam Style started blaring through the speakers it became all too surreal for this oldster, so I headed back to the airport.
I spent three days in downtown Osaka a couple of years ago and despite my protestations to the immigration and custom authorities I was never seriously planning on making the journey this trip. The only real temptation was the chance to ride on this baby:
Maybe next time.
Back in the airport I decided to find me some lunch. Lots of places to choose from, almost all of them catering to the Japanese palate. And truth be told, I’m not real keen on the cuisine of Nippon. I’m almost embarrassed to admit that after quite a bit of indecisive meandering through restaurant row, I finally settled on…McDonald’s. Yeah, I’m that guy. At least I was yesterday. I ordered me the Big Mac set and whipped out the plastic only to be told they only take cash. So, I had a yen to eat but no Yen to eat with. I was kind of astounded because everyone uses plastic money (or e-money from the smart phone) in Korea. So, it was off to find an ATM.
I found one in short order, but it wouldn’t accept foreign cards (in an international airport for crissakes!). I had a brief moment of panic as I contemplated spending the day without the basic necessities of life (beer). Although I did have W50,000 or so I could have exchanged if I got desperate. I walked around until I found another ATM and this one worked, so I filled my wallet with one Y10,000 note ($96). Flush with cash it was back to McD’s. After dining I checked my watch and saw that I had managed to whittle a whopping 1.5 hours off my 8 hour layover. The day was proving to be almost as long as this post!
I went upstairs to the Korean Air counter to see if I could score an earlier flight home. No dice. They said I couldn’t even check in for my flight until 3:30. What to do? With Yen to spend and nowhere else to go, I opted for the KIX Airport Lounge. They charge Y410 for 30 minutes, and Y120 every 10 minutes thereafter. But I bought the 6 hour package for Y3090 ($30) which provided me a cozy booth equipped with a computer, reclining chair, and free soft drinks (beers were Y210 each, and I had several).
My home away from home. Although the chair here is much more comfortable than anything at home. Considering the alternative, it was the best $30 I’ve spent in awhile.
The “booth” is basically a small cubicle, with walls about 4 feet tall. Cozy I guess you could call it. But from here I was able to explore the nooks and crannies of the internet in relative comfort. I got sleepy around 1:30 or so and reclined that chair full back and tried to catch a nap. Unfortunately, the folks in the common area were being a bit on the noisy side. So I pulled up YouTube on the computer, found a Neil Young album that I favor, put on the headphones, and enjoyed the soothing rhythms of the 1970s. I fell asleep somewhere during the last song on the album (Words Between the Lines of Age). I haven’t napped in a recliner for many a year and I had forgotten just how pleasant an experience that can be. I awoke at 3:30 feeling relaxed, refreshed, and almost perky. And with four more hours left until my flight.
The lounge came with a largish library. Everything was in Japanese, but it was still quite impressive.
This is but one shelf of several of Japanese books. Comic books!
I didn’t even bother trying to make sense of those. But there was also a large magazine rack. Also all in Japanese. But I figured at least I could look at the pictures.
Yikes! Scantily clad Japanese school girls.
Now, I’ve been around for awhile (shuddup!) but seriously, I was pretty shocked. The girls in the magazine I picked couldn’t have been a day over 16. Now, there was nothing overtly lewd (no more than you’d see at the beach really), but something about it just made me feel icky. I quickly returned the mag to the rack hoping no one would see me and think I’m a pervert. So, it was back to YouTube and mind numbing American television (World’s Dumbest) for me. And soon enough my time in the KIX Airport Lounge reached it’s conclusion and it was time to begin the process of my return journey to Korea.
Check-in, customs, and security went off without incident (I was a little worried I might get hassled over the perfume). Reached my gate with 45 minutes to spare and a pocket full of Japanese coins. Interestingly, the Y1000 note is the smallest unit of paper money in Japan, so the coins multiply like drunken rabbits (I added drunken so as not to be cliche. Regular readers will attest that I avoid trite phrases like the plague). I found a vending machine that sold cans of Asahi beer so I bought me a tall can and enjoyed it with tobacco in the smoking lounge. I noted that I had one 500 denominated coin left so I went to the convenience store and picked up a Coke Zero and a bag of pretzels. Handed the coin to the clerk and she said “that’s Korean money”. D’oh! So, I gave her a Y1000 note and wound up with more change.
The remains of the day.
Flight back was uneventful (the way I like it!). As we approached Gimpo I noticed the highways were jam packed and made a mental note to take the subway instead of the Airport Limo home. Korean immigration didn’t seem to mind my less than a day out of country and awarded me another 90 days (I only needed one). Customs didn’t care about the perfume either. I exchanged my remaining yen (except for the coins of course) for Won and then hoofed it to the subway (a pretty fair piece, especially at the end of a long day).
Only problem was I wasn’t sure about the subway route. I rarely venture out to the Gimpo side of town so none of the stations were familiar. There were two lines (5 and 9) and I didn’t know if either connected with line 4 that takes me home. I went to the information counter and despite lacking a common language was able to convey that I was going to Gireum and learn that line 5 did in fact intersect with line 4 at Dongdaemun History and Culture Park. It was a long haul but I made it safely home by 11:30.
And there you have it. I guess the only question new visitors to LTG may be asking is “why?” The short answer is because I’m stupid. When I did my visa run back in June I miscounted the days. My tourist visa expires on the 9th and my flight to the USA is on the 10th. The events described above were actually the lesser of the pains in the ass available to me to rectify my unfortunate inability to count.
Analogous
These analogies are like coming to LTG and finding something worthwhile to read. I expect my readers to be pessimists–rarely disappointed but sometimes pleasantly surprised.
(Which is to say the analogies at the link are a lot funnier than my feeble effort. Which now that I look at it, is really not an analogy at all. Sue me.)
Update: In an entirely unrelated matter, this was in my email box this morning. Maybe the folks who teach English will find it useful. Or not.
ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF (Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters near Paris found English to be an easy language ... until they tried to pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.) Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it's written.) Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak; Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes, and reviles; Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far; One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind. Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would. Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward. And your pronunciation's OK When you correctly say croquet, Rounded, wounded, grieve and sleeve, Friend and fiend, alive and live. Ivy, privy, famous; clamour And enamour rhyme with hammer. River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and roll and some and home. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour. Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant, Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger, Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age. Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury. Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath. Though the differences seem little, We say actual but victual. Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Dull, bull, and George ate late. Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific. Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed, but vowed. Mark the differences, moreover, Between mover, cover, clover; Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice; Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label. Petal, panel, and canal, Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor. Tour, but our and succour, four. Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Sea, idea, Korea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria. Mouth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine. Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion and battalion. Sally with ally, yea, ye, Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver. Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie. Face, but preface, not efface. Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. Large, but target, gin, give, verging, Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging. Ear, but earn and wear and tear Do not rhyme with here but ere. Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen, Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work. Pronunciation -- think of Psyche! Is a paling stout and spikey? Won't it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits? It's a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale, Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict. Finally, which rhymes with enough -- Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? Hiccough has the sound of cup. My advice is to give up!!!