Just wanted to update y’all on the sorry state of my wounded body. Went to the doc today to get cleaned and rewrapped, and when the bandage came off the finger (painfully) I was still bleeding. Doctor says I need surgery, which I understand to be a skin graft of some type or another. Get this: he recommended I stay in hospital 2 or 3 days! I said bullshit (well, I was more polite than that) and he said ok, you just have to come back everyday. Which I guess is an acceptable compromise.

Strange how in the USA they won’t keep you overnight unless you are knocking on death’s door. Here, they admit you for a hangnail it seems. Another difference is those little niceties like taking blood pressure and temprature, asking about allergies or what other medications you are taking just isn’t done. I took three shots of something in the ass on Saturday but have no inkling what they were. I have no known allergies, but hell, they didn’t know that. It just doesn’t inspire confidence somehow.

Oh well. Going in at 1400 tomorrow. Don’t know if they intend to knock me out or not, but I am not real keen on watching skin extracted from my (thigh?) and reattached to my pinky. Plus the inability to interact coherently is a bit disconcerting. I guess I should spend tonight learning to say things like “I can’t breathe” or “that hurts like a sonofabitch” or other handy phrases appropriate (try typing appropriate with a bandaged right pinky sometime) to the situation.

Instead I am going to play darts. It’s opening night of the summer season!

…but it was no laughing matter.

In fact, it was deja vu all over again.

I had a blackout, hit the floor, and now have stiches in my head and an f’d up finger.

Really strange, because I don’t remember a thing. One minute I am sitting at the bar having a pleasant conversation, the next thing I know I am being picked up off a bloody floor.

I’m told I started coughing and stood up and then went down for the count. No idea what is up with that.

I didn’t go to the hospital last night as suggested, but when I woke this morning my finger was throbbing. I tried to take the bandage off, but the slightest touch brought on searing pain. My head looked ok, as that wound had already scabbed over. But I walked over to the hospital convienently located in my neighborhood to get my pinky looked at.

Of course, they just ripped the bandage right off which was incredibly painful and started some pretty impressive bleeding. After cleaning it up I could see that I didn’t have a cut finger, rather it was as if some had taken a filet knife and sliced an inch off. Sorry to say, when the doc started probing around I screamed like a banjee. Worse pain I can remember. So, they wrapped it up and I go back Monday for another looksee and cleaning. Which means I get to re-experience the joy of having the bandage removed.

The also stiched up my head which comparitively speaking was a piece of cake. And three injections in the ass. Not my idea of a great Saturday morning to be sure.

If there is a silver lining, it occurred to me that if death comes like a blackout it won’t be bad at all. One minute you are there having a nice chat and the next your gone. No worries at all.

No idea what is wrong with me or why I have lost the desire to blog.

Well, I guess I do have an idea.

I am feeling a bit disconnected from everything and everyone in the world. And what is left isn’t all that interesting to me, so I can’t imagine why it would be to any intrepid visitor who might somehow come across this weary blog.

This is the life I have chosen. And that nearly everyone I care about has found me unworthy for living this way only underscores the isolation. But yes, I take full responsibility for my decisions. And I acknowledge my selfishness is choosing to seek meaning in my life rather than living as others would have me to do.

So there it is. Turn your back if you must. I never asked for understanding anyway. And I won’t ask for what I cannot give.

Try as I might though, I can’t stop caring.

I am sorry if that is not enough.

Geez, where does the time get to anyway? It’s been awhile since I’ve posted I know, but sometimes it’s just a struggle to post when there ain’t nothin’ new to say. But yeah, I’m doing alright. I know when the the long lost Nomad inquires about my whereabouts it’s time to check in.

Since my return from the Philippines, it has been work and darts. Work has been hectic and stressful, and there does not appear to be much relief in sight. In fact, my boss will likely be leaving this summer and she is already lobbying me to take her job. But at this stage in my career, I’m focused on retiring, not climbing the ladder of “success”. Still, I prefer to control my destiny and I may wind up taking the job as a preemptive measure–I don’t want to work for an asshole and the only sure way to avoid that is to be the boss. We’ll see.

I’ve had a rough spell with my dart game as well. Just playing horrible the past few weeks. I’m sure the problem is in my head. I just haven’t been playing with confidence and I have been a little intimidated by the “A” division competition. I’ve been working on it though and this past week I’ve shown signs of breaking out of the slump. I had an 8-1 showing on Monday night, and won a couple of the Dolce tourneys, so I’ve just got to keep it going.

Ok, I promised to post about my trip to the Philippines. I had a great time, mostly. I really did not like Manila at all. What a shithole. The traffic made Seoul seem sane (which it is not). It was dirty and the poverty was right up close and personal. I mean Christ, landing at the airport you fly over a shanty town along the riverbank that is like something out of National Geographic. No way I could live there.

I spent a few days in Angeles City as well. It is one big party town, like Itaewon on speed. Lots of bars with young women dancing in skimpy attire. I was bored with that after the first day. Fortunately I met a couple of Americans staying in my hotel and we hung out together. Days at the pool, and at night we went to this country bar with a great live band. So, while I wound up having fun in Angeles, it is not the kind of town I would call home.

From there I flew to Cebu City. Yes, that was much more likely. Comparatively clean and modern. The poverty is there, but it is not so much in your face. I hired a cab one day to show me around and really got a good feeling about the place. More to see in Philippines before I make any decisions, but Cebu is a definite possibility.

One thing I learned is not to travel to a predominately Catholic country during the Holy Days. I arrive on Maudy Thursday which of course preceded Good Friday. Everything was closed up tight, including the bar I had read about on the internet and wanted to visit. So, it was a little boring since there wasn’t much to do but hang out at the pool bar. Still, a good trip and I hope to return soon.

Didn’t take a lot of pictures, but here are a few:

Angeles City street scene with the ever present Jeepney’s…

Fields Avenue, the main drag in Angeles. If this seems a little third world, you should see the back streets.

This is where I stayed. The room was a bit dated, but clean. Great pool and great breakfast buffet. I’d stay there again.

Ok, these next pictures are all from my tour of Cebu and the surrounding environs. This one is of Fort San Pedro, built by the Spanish in 1590 (if memory serves). One thing I found somewhat surprising is that despite being a Spanish colony for over 300 years, there was not much Spanish influence in the culture. Certainly not as much as you see in other former colonies.

Fort San Pedro had some interesting flora and fauna. If you are interested in that kind of thing. I’m basically not.

But I did enjoy the view.

This is along the top of whatever you call the walls of a fort.

Oh yeah, did I mention that the Philippines is quite tropical? It was March and I was wearing shorts and was on the edge of being uncomfortably warm. But I expect it was because I was acclimated to the rather harsh Korean winter I had just left.

Not sure if this is going to be readable on the blog, but it is the story of Magellan’s Cross. Yes, this is the spot where he planted the seeds of Christianity in the PI. A few days later a local tribal chieftain named Lapu Lapu had had about enough of Magellan and his merry troop and dispatched them to the great hereafter rather violently.

The above referenced cross of the ill-fated Magellan.

Next stop on my tour was Beverly Hills. Yes, there is a Beverly Hills in Cebu City. It is a big gated community where the well to do live. I understand there are expats living there as well, but I did not encounter any. Anyway, it was quite pretty.

Within the Beverly Hills compound is a huge Taoist Temple. My lack of photography skills prevented me from finding an angle that really captured its enormity. So, this will have to do.

The Temple had lots of cool stuff like this.

I don’t know if the Taoists call this a pagoda or not. That’s what I’m calling it though.

I have no concept or understanding of Taoist beliefs. So, no clue what these figurines represent. Other than a photo op for me.

Apparently fishing is revered amongst those who practice the Tao faith. I guess the Nomad would appreciate that.

Lots of these dragons hanging about as well.

I had to climb a gazillion steps to get to the Temple proper. I was rewarded with a nice view of Beverly Hills though…

If they day comes that I am able to retire, and if the place I retire is the Philippines, and if I choose Cebu City, and if I decide to live in Beverly Hills, then I ‘m thinking this house would be a comfortable abode. No, I didn’t price anything specific, but my internet searches have convinced me I could find something similar for no more than $200,000.

You know, when you travel people invariably ask about the local cuisine. This place is fairly typical of the dining establishments I saw. To be truthful, I wasn’t that adventurous when it came to eating out. Mostly just what I could get in the hotel or sandwich type places. I guess the only “real” Filipino food I tried was the Jollibees. (A fast food chain that pinoys are crazy about for some reason).

So, I asked my taxi guy Fredo to show me around Mactan Island next. That is where the resorts are and many expats call it home. I tried to catch a picture of Cebu Bay as we crossed the bridge, but got this San Miguel sign instead. I drank a lot of San Miguel during my visit.

So this is the best I could do at capturing Cebu Bay. Fredo drives pretty fast.

I really wasn’t that impressed with Mactan Island. I saw a lot of poverty and it just wasn’t as clean and modern as Cebu City. We did stop for lunch at this resort on the water. Lots of people come to the PI for the scuba diving. I don’t scuba myself of course, as I find my breathing is easier above the water.

And the water was definitely clear. Not sure this picture captures that, but I hadn’t seen water this nice since the Bahamas. Nice as blue, but crystal clear.

Hot day + holiday weekend = lots of people enjoying a nice swim.

This is my driver Fredo. Nice guy. It was kinda funny how we met. My first night in town he was the first cab in line at the hotel taxi stand. I said I wanted to go to Lonestar (the bar I had read about) and he said the bars would be closed. I (being an expert after one hour in town) assured him he was wrong. He wasn’t. He did eventually find a place that was open so I could quench my craving for a San Miguel. Anyway, a couple of days later when I was ready for my tour, Fredo was the first cab in the taxi stand again. We both thought that quite the coincidence. He wound up taking me to the airport as well, but that was by arrangement.

We both ordered the barbeque chicken. This is what it looked like half way through. Not bad. I mean, I eat chicken on a stick from the street vendors in Itaewon pretty often. This was comparable. Yeah, I’m such a gourmet.

Ok, that’s my report from the Philippines. I’ll try to do better about keeping y’all up to speed on my many “adventures” here in Korea.

Until then, anyong.

Well today I had the singular experience of a colonoscopy. The worst part was fasting for 36 hours. The other part might have been worse, but they gave me some real good drugs and I apparently snored through most of the procedure. They removed 3 polyps which they will biopsy. The Doc said the color was good so just expected good results. I will know where things stand definitively in a couple of weeks.

So after exiting surgery I had a double Whopper, fries, coke, and large chocolate milkshake. Ah much better. The only side effect of the procedure so far is uncontrolled flatulance. Which should makes darts tonight rather interesting. I don’t fill drugged up now, but I was warned to avoid alcohol and not to drive for 24 hours. But I will drive to work tomorrow anyway. May or may not avoid beer tonight.

I still need to report on my trip to the Philippines. Will do so this week. Promise.

Out fo now.

I’m ready to go.

Making my first journey to the Philppines tomorrow. ‘Bout time after three years in Asia to see some of it besides Korea. I’ll be seeing the Subic Bay area, Manila, and Cebu this trip. If I find my way to an internet cafe I may do a post during the trip, otherwise ya just gotta wait till I get back home. Only gonna be gone a week, but damn, I need this vacation.

Anyongheegaesaeyo.

Back in a few days.

I feel this obligation to update but you see I have this problem. There’s absolutely freakin’ nothin’ I need or want to say. And while I am too often prone to talk (or write) under such circumstances regardless, its just not there for me tonight.

Perhaps its because I am a tad under the weather. Well, I guess except for astronauts we are all technically under the weather (hmm, maybe submariners are exempt as well). Truth is, the weather is actually into me. By that I mean the cold. As in I have one. No big deal, just feel lazier than usual, have a hacking cough (above and beyond my normal smoker’s cough), a little congestion, a general malaise.

So how is this going to impact my weekend routine? Not much. Darts at Dolce tonight. Darts at Blue Frog Saturday. A soft tips tournament somewhere in Seoul on Sunday. And of course, dart league on Monday. But, no worries, I will not forget my weakened condition. For tomorrow I will have chicken soup. The kind they serve where there is half a chicken in the broth. Can’t remember what it’s called now and I am, ahem, too sick to look it up.

Did you notice how I included Monday in my weekend plans? That’s because I’m not working Monday. Being as how it is “Superbowl Monday” General Bell has declared it a military holiday and a liberal leave day for us civilians. Pretty cool, eh?

Am I going to get up early Monday morning to watch the game at Hooters? Hell no! I’m too sick…

Well, to be honest my health probably isn’t all that good. But imagine the shape I would be in if not for my propensity to drink copious amounts of beer! That’s right, folks. It’s a scientific fact. You don’t even have to look it up, because I have the link right here.

Preliminary studies indicate xanthohumol, a compound found in hops, inhibits a family of enzymes which trigger cancer, as well as help the body detoxify carcinogens.

“It’s very healthy,” said Dr. Werner Back, a brewing technology expert at the Technical University of Munich. “I think the ingredients in the beer are very good.”

Xanthohumol contains more powerful antioxidants than vitamin E and some studies indicate it helps reduce oxidation of bad cholesterol.

“Xanthohumol has been shown to be a very active substance against cancer,” said Dr. Markus Herrmann, also of Munich. “It comes in small sticky beads, which you find within the hops.”

I hope this doesn’t turn out to be another scientific myth like that global warming thing (anyone who has been out and about in Korea these past few days can attest to the fact that it ain’t getting warmer!). But to be honest, I partook in quite a bit of the magic elixir last night and I don’t feel all that wonderful today. Maybe I need to figure out the proper dose. I’ll keep trying!

Today I had visitor number 50,000 to LTG. Yeah, only took me 25 months to reach that milestone. But given the crap I post that says more about my readers than me.

Actually, I am very happy to have the 35 folks (on average) who drop by daily to see what I’ve posted. Who cares why? It’s always nice to have guests in my house.

So, who was the lucky number 50,000? This is what I know about you:

You logged on from an IP address at the University of Seoul.

You came by at 4:46 this afternoon.

You stayed for six minutes and 38 seconds.

You “enjoyed” four page views.

And then you likely fell fast asleep and you now have keyboard indentations in your face.

So, if that describes you, please leave a comment and tell us who you are. If we have actually met in the 3-D world, I am going to buy you the beverage of your choice the next time I see you. And thanks for the visit!

Who else has been here in the last 24 hours? Let’s see:

A dozen or so from Korea, my biggest audience!

From the States we had folks from California, Oregon, Virginia, Tennessee, Maryland, Tacoma (Washington State), Georgia, Missouri, Wisconsin, and one of my former coworkers from the Department of Education in Washington, DC (Leslie?). Thanks everyone!

International guests include: Iran (from the Tabriz University of Medical Sciences no less!), Finland, Russia, and the UK (where the visitor read the post called “Stupid is as Stupid Does”, a long rambling story about my trip to the emergency room. One of my most popular adventures here apparently.)

You know in a funny way I feel this sense of obligation to you, the faithful few. I have been trying to post on a more regular basis, because I know how crappy it is when you take the trouble to go to someone’s blog only to find they’ve “gone fishing”. So, it may be crap, but I will try to keep it fresh for you, fair enough?

Oh, and that gone fishing remark was not a shot at The Lost Nomad. He was certainly one of the most popular bloggers in Korea, but he hung it up on New Year’s Day. He had his reasons (something about putting family and fishing ahead of blogging) and you can’t fault him for that. Still, he is very much missed and I hope he knows how much his faithful followers appreciated his efforts.

Ah well, enough of this. I do love to ramble on sometimes, but I have soft tips dart league tonight so I need to jersey up and head on out to Itaewon.

See y’all soon.

It’s a two way street.

You reap what you sow.

Then again, as my friend Dennis would say:

“I avoid trite phrases like a plague”.

That’s my two cents worth for today.

Hard to believe but I’ve actually been writing on this silly blog for three years now. But you can look it up–December 12, 2004 and 49,098 visitors later (which I calculate as maybe 30 or so masochists who keep coming back for more) I’m still plugging away, more or less.

So, for anyone who might care, here is the first post at Long Time Gone (back in my short-lived blogspot days). It’s actually a little embarrassing to read now because I was both full of myself and naive back then. But perhaps those attributes would fairly describe me today as well. Maybe the difference is now I don’t care! Or maybe I’m in denial. The only certainty is that it doesn’t matter. Life is what it is and it goes on until it doesn’t.

During these past three years my daughter gave birth to my first grandchild, my son got married to a lovely lady, Hillary made it home safe and sound from both tours in Afghanistan, Nolan got lost but is going to find his way eventually, and I became a stranger to friends and family.

I left looking for adventure and I guess comparatively speaking my life here has been that. It has cost me a lot more than I anticipated, but I think I have gained some understanding about myself along the way as well. Was it worth it? Would I do it again? I don’t know. And since you don’t get Mulligans in life the questions are meaningless.

I do like my life here very much. I’m not ready to go back to the USA now and I don’t know when or if I ever will. Lately I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I am not destined for a long life, and I just can’t see myself getting wrapped up in the rat race and drama that comes with living in America. But as Stephen Stills put it: “It’s no matter. No distance. It’s the ride”.

I have friends who have come and gone, and some that remain. I have my darts. My blog buddies (you know who you are). And a freakin’ ten minute commute to work.

Loneliness and feelings of loss and estrangement, sometimes I have that too. But I’m learning to embrace it all and call life good. And that is progress.

Folks, stick around. I can guarantee crap as bad as this post on semi-regular basis. What the hell, you’ve dealt with it for three years now. Whaddya got to lose?

I guess it’s official: I am now the Deputy Director of Human Resources Management, Eighth United States Army.

So, that means I get to drop the (A) for acting after my title.

What do I get for the “promotion”? A little more money (6%) and a lot more hassle. Although I’ve been putting up with the hassle anyway for the past several months.

It’s a little disconcerting that my predecessor died without relinquishing his job. I have no intention of following in those footsteps, but you never know.

On the plus side, I have a great boss and I probably won’t be bored anytime soon.

Also, the CG finally approved our filling four key vacancies. Not his fault for the delay. Despite repeated promises to the contrary, our “friends” in G3 failed to get him the approval package until yesterday. And he signed off immediately. So, I lost almost 8 weeks before even starting an obscenely long hiring process.

So, I have my NSPS/Transformation Chief coming on board 20 January. An Action Officer supposedly coming on board around the same time (although I ain’t heard from him in awhile). I’m going to make another Action Officer job offer tomorrow. And our admin support position should be occupied come Monday. That leaves the Staffing Chief, one more Action Officer and hopefully an IT type to get on board.

So, things could be (and have been) worse.

Fu*kin’ A. (Heh, did anybody else use to say that? All the cool kids did back in the ’70s)

Well, it has been a long time gone, hasn’t it?

No time to catch you up right now as I must get to work. Tonight. Promise.

Jenn, thanks for missing me! You noticed my blog had been reinstated before I did (but then, I wasn’t surfing the ‘net at 3 a.m.!)

Anyway, it’s good to be back. I’ve missed y’all.

So, I made it to and through another birthday. All in all it was a good one. While getting older generally sucks it beats the hell out of the alternative. And so I would gladly settle for a couple dozen more.

Anyway, there was a little party in my honor at Dolce Vita on Sunday. I tend to want to keep these things low key, but this was really very nice. Mostly my dart league buds, and of course we had a little tournament. Which I managed to win after a shootout with Colin that went down to the wire in all three legs. YJ had some good food brought in and I think we all had a good time. I know I did. Thanks everyone!

Last year I partied with Duke and Ji Young. His birthday is the 25th. He’s back in the USA now, but I was surprised to get a text message from him wishing me well. Thanks, man! I also got a text from Ji Young signed “your best friends girlfriend”. Heh, she most of heard me singing that about it her one drunken night. Anyway, I wrote back and asked her how her visit to America went and she responded that Duke proposed and sent a picture with a big diamond on her finger. Congratulations, I am happy for you both!

Monday at work the staff took me out for lunch at the Navy Club. They have a nice menu with various American comfort food. I had the pot roast and mashed potatoes. Excellent as always. That afternoon a package from my daughter Renee arrived filled with her favorite DVDs. Perfect gift since I never know what to buy anymore. And they ain’t bootlegged so I can enjoy some quality viewing for a change.

Last night was dart league and I didn’t let an 11-8 defeat to Eberhardt of Scrooge Pub get me down. I played fair, taking 5 of 6 legs. Lonnie took an ’01 game from the top ranked player. Jim lost a heart breaker in cricket, and Rick just flat off his game. Also, Cuatro was not available because of the military exercise. So, with a little luck we will turn things around soon.

Wanna see pictures from my party? Ok, here they are:

The gracious host and Dolce Vita owner YJ.

Leora works with me. That’s her hubby Dave.

Me getting a birthday hug from Yoon Jung.

Some folks from work, Dave, Leora, Corine and Diane.

Joon was pretty generous with her hugs, here she puts a smile on Jim’s face.

Bill and Se Hwa.

Eric and his lovely wife.

Joon saved a hug for her hubby Bill.

My Canadian buddy Colin and his squeeze Mi Young. We all went out after the tourney Friday and ate some Korean food, went to the country bar and then the noreabang. I think we had fun but that night is still a little fuzzy for some reason…

A couple of Korean cuties, Joon and Se Hwa.

Holding court with Leora.

Some BBQ goodness courtesy of YJ.

Rick (L) and Grant (R). I’m going to Grant’s wedding Saturday.

Yep, I got the birthday song and blew out some candles. The tall ones represent 10 years each.

My “big sister” Corine.

Three on a couch. An interesting tidbit about Mi Young: She’s a firefighter. A pretty rare occupation for a female in Korea.

My bud Lonnie. I understand he had a lot to do with pulling the party off. Thanks man, I appreciate it.

And thanks to everyone for coming out and making the night special and also for the thoughtful gifts. It meant a lot to me. Kamsamnida!

And it is human to error.

And as a boss once told me “you are the most human guy I’ve met.”

Anyway, just for the record I do know the difference between “through” and “threw”. I have no idea why I wrote that “Mario through a 7-mark…”

I’ve corrected the offending post, I just hope I caught it before Kevin at Hairy Chasms saw it. Bad grammar drives him wild sometimes. Forgive my punctuation and spelling because I know I’m sloppy, but I just don’t want to appear stupider than I really am.

Thank you for your indulgence.

Leaving today for a business trip and I will tack a few vacations days on as well. Mostly on the west coast, but Las Vegas beckons me as well.

I am doing fine. Perhaps along with the much needed change of scenery I will have some adventures worthy of blogging.

Thank you for your support.

One thing about growing older, you have a lot more things to remember. I guess that can and should be a good thing. Except when it’s not.

I’m not complaining about my lot in life. I’m trying hard to move forward but find myself too often looking back in regret. And all I can do in response is shut down. That’s cold, and harsh, and unfair to those that love me, but fleeing is what I do best it seems.

So, to those I’ve hurt by my silence, I’m truly sorry. I’m so far gone and so disconnected that I’m not sure where to begin to find my way back. Or what I would do when I got there.

I’m just living life without a net.

White Line Fever a sickness born down deep inside my soul
White Line Fever the years keep flying by like a high line pole
The wrinkles in my forehead show the miles I’ve put behind me
They continue to remind me how fast I’m growing old
Guess I’ll die with this fever in my soul
I wonder just what makes a man keep pushing on
Why must I keep on singing this old highway song
I’ve been from coast to coast a 100 times or more
I haven’t found one place that I ain’t been before
White Line Fever a sickness born down deep inside my soul
White Line Fever the years keep flying by like a high line pole

–Graham Parsons