Medical tourist

Ventured out to Soonchunhwang Hospital and scheduled the full “well being” series of exams.  I did this a couple of years ago, and to the extent a medical process can be cool, this pretty much is.  It’s basically an assembly line of check-up stations (chest x-ray, hearing, vision, etc) and some more intensive, make that invasive, procedures like an endoscopy.

Jee Yeun is doing the full monty as well.  We like to go at this time of year to take advantage of “sale” offered by the hospital this time year.  My total cost will be around $900. provided they don’t find anything wrong with me.  The same tests and procedures in the USA would run several time mores, plus it would be a pain in the ass since I’d have to spend several days in several places to get everything done.

Anyway, that’s my big news.

Into the great wide open

So, the end of 2011 is upon us.  It was not a good one for the McCrarey clan.  My mother and father both passed away, and earlier this month, so did their loyal dog entrusted to my care.  I also dealt with the transition to retired life and the surprisingly difficult task of adjusting to living in the USA after six mostly wonderful years in The Land of the Morning Calm.  On the plus side, a beautiful granddaughter (Sydney Renee) joined the family.  And so of course, the circle of life continues.

Today I completed the surprisingly extensive paperwork associated with an application for a fiancee visa so that my sweetheart Jee Yeun can stay with me wherever I’m living.  I checked the hours for my local post office and confirmed they stayed open until 2:00 p.m.  It’s funny, I’ve procrastinated for weeks on getting the visa application together but once done, I wanted it out in today’s mail, by god!  So, I arrived at the post before 1 o’clock only to discover they closed at noon for the holiday.  And there was no wind, rain, heat or snow to delay those postal people from their appointed rounds.

Not to be deterred, I drove on in to the Main Post Office in downtown Columbia.  Much to my chagrin, I discovered that that office does not open at all on Saturday, and especially not on New Year’s Eve Saturday.  So, I dropped my envelope in the collection box out front which promised a 3:00 p.m. collection.  Whether or not that’s true, my mission was accomplished.

And then a question came to mind.  If by some magic you could be shown your future life, would you want to view it?

Now I know that is not a unique or profound thought.  But what prompted the question was looking up at that fourth floor office I occupied from 1986 through 1993 when I was working for the Postal Service.  Back in those days I’d sometimes gaze out my window and watch the happenings on Assembly Street, the major thoroughfare in my adopted Southern city.    I saw Pope Paul, President Bush the First, and Governor Campbell motorcade by, but mostly it was just the hustle and bustle of the ordinary citizenry going about the business of what I presumed were their ordinary lives.

And today I wondered what would the me of back then have thought upon seeing the me of today mailing a letter of such importance and yet its contents were beyond my wildest imaginings just a few short years ago.   I hope I would have laughed at the absurdity of it all.

Despite all the hopes and dreams and best laid plans, we are after all destined to live in the moment.  I never envisioned this life that I’ve lived turning out as it did.  The detours and heartbreaks and disappointments all inevitably led me back to this place, but changed me almost completely from who that man looking down from the window way back then.  And I don’t just mean those extra pounds around my belly.  All those experiences that I never planned for, dreamed about, or even knew that I desired have not necessarily made me better, and I certainly hope not worse.  But this is who I have become, and I am glad for it.

I’m not going to answer my own question directly because I don’t know if someone had shown me the road ahead back then that I would have had the courage to follow it.

So, I am looking forward to the new year.  And I know that there are things I’d like to see and do.  But I’m thinking I’ll just take it a day at time and see what happens.  Doing it that way has worked pretty well for me so far I suppose.

Speaking of plans (and proving my point), I was going to take Jee Yeun out to Myrtle Beach for a little R&R to start the New Year.  And tonight I get a phone call from my old (aren’t we all?) high school friends Rod and Pat Headlee.  For the past few years they’ve been living on a sailboat and traveling the world, mostly in the South Pacific.  They bought a new boat in Annapolis, and after outfitting it so they can sail to warmer climes, they are heading south.  Their journey has begun with the Intercoastal Waterway and they are currently docked in New Bern, North Carolina.  Which as fate would have it is where we are going to be tomorrow instead of Myrtle Beach.

You just never know what’s in store, do you?  I guess that’s the way I like it.

Happy New Year everyone!

Things I don’t miss…

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…include my long commute from Stafford, VA to L’Enfant station in D.C. and back on the VRE.  If everything went right, it was about an hour and a half each way.

Somewhat surprisingly, I do miss work my working life.  I actually dream about my old job and co-workers quite frequently.  Ironic, given how I used to dream of being retired.

A week in the life

Leaving Korea proved to be harder in the end than I imagined it would be.  The New Year’s eve send off was tremendous and I will carry many happy memories of my Korea life wherever the future may lead me.

Had a long but uneventful New Year’s Day flight to the USA.  I was welcomed to America by a Thrifty car rental agent who made a big show of “doing me a favor” by allowing me to actually rent the car I had reserved.  Seems that if I rent a car using a debit card I am required to provide my return flight information.  Which since I have now made South Carolina my home I don’t possess.  She hemmed and hawed and finally made the comment that she would “do me a favor” and rent me the car.  I was tired and hungover and wanted to tell her to go fuck herself but my desire to get out of the airport and on my way overcame the impulse and the transaction was completed.  Her parting shot was “well, I’ve done my good deed for the day!”.  I shook my head and walked away but I was reminded of one of the reasons I’m dreading living in the USA.  Sanctimonious bitch!

I dropped off my bags at the house and went to visit my mom in the hospital.  Not good.  Not good at all.  I was shocked at how much she had deteriorated since my visit in November.  Things were much worse than I imagined and the doctor confirmed that they would not be getting better.  Since there was nothing more to be done medically (congestive heart failure) we were presented with two options–home hospice care or confinement to a nursing home.  We made the obvious choice of allowing her to die at home.

So, a hospital bed was delivered and set up in the living room (ironic name, eh?).  A hospice worker comes five days a week to bathe my mother.  A hospice nurse comes a couple of times a week.  A social worker also appears periodically.  The rest is up to us family members.  I never imagined I’d participate in changing my mother’s diapers, but that’s now part of my daily routine.  I’m doing my best to make her as comfortable as possible for as long as she may have left, but it somehow doesn’t feel like it is nearly enough.

Mom told me she loves me for coming home to her, so there’s that.

I spilled diet coke on my netbook keyboard on a drunken New Year’s morning.  The computer functioned fine except when I typed letters would randomly be numbers and vice-versa, which made logging on with passwords impossible.  Hence the lack of posting here.  I took it in for repairs and got a call yesterday that there was nothing wrong and I could pick it up.  Well, maybe the Vaio has a self-healing feature or I experienced a minor miracle.  Even more bizarrely the repair shop said “no charge”.

I bought a car, bought insurance for said car, and obtained a South Carolina driver’s license.  The last item was was touch and go.  Despite having my passport and birth certificate, the wanted my original social security card.  Well, when it was issued 40 years ago it was just a flimsy business card material that has long since disintegrated.  I didn’t think to bring my last pay stub but then I remembered that I had failed (intentionally) to return my Army ID card.  And since it won’t expire until 22 January and it showed my SSN, I was golden.  All I had to do now was demonstrate proof of residence.  Well, I’m staying with my parents, but my name is on the deed to the house.  In the state’s eyes, that doesn’t prove I live there (valid point, since my name has been on the deed for 6 years, and I’d been here 6 days).  Of course, the utility bills are in Dad’s name so it looked like I was in a classic catch-22 situation.  Then I remembered my proof of insurance certificate showing my living at this address.  Score!  I am now a licensed driver in SC for the second time in my life.

Thursday I drove my nephew Joshua (who had been staying with mom and was a tremendous help) to the airport in Raleigh.  It was an 8 hour round trip, but my new car handled well and provided a comfortable ride.

Jee Yeun has been an angel.  She’s a natural born caregiver and has really done everything possible to make mom comfortable (including pedicures).

Of course, despite our best efforts, mom is not comfortable at all.  She seems to be having an increasing difficulty breathing and she’s miserable staying in bed.  She begs us to let her up, but it is just not possible to move her in her current state of immobility.

I thought for awhile we were going to lose her last night, but she came around.

Her sisters are due in this afternoon and she’s looking forward to that.

And now we are just watching and waiting and hoping her suffering is not too great.

I hate everything about my new life.  And I’m glad to be here.  For whatever that’s worth.

That about sums it up

So, today is my last day at work.  At our team luncheon I’m going to talk about “change” using the Who Moved My Cheese? book as a reference point.  In doing some Google prep, I came upon this blog post which actually captures what I’m feeling these days better than I could ever hope to express.

It’s the inevitable let down at the end of a great adventure.

But I’m going to make sure this is merely the transition time between adventures.  Or go crazy.  One of those.

The end of the road

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Before Government service

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After Government Service.

What a long, strange trip it’s been.

So, today I’m being honored with a retirement luncheon at Hartell House (the CG’s mess).  I’m never all that comfortable being in the spotlight, but these milestones in life seem to demand some ceremony so I’ll make the best of it and be gracious and appreciative.  Since it’s also expected that I make some remarks I’ve been thinking about that as well.  I was going to write down some talking points, but I’ve decided to just wing it instead.  I can’t help but think of it as akin to giving your own eulogy, but I’m going to try and keep it upbeat and hopefully I’ll avoid getting emotional.  Letting go of my job is in some ways like parting with an old friend.  I know it’s time to say goodbye, but that doesn’t make it any easier. 

So, I had some odd jobs here and there, some more steady than others.  But my career in Federal service began on October 27, 1976 when I took the oath of office and became a letter carrier with the United States Postal Service in Anaheim, California.  The starting pay was $5.25 an hour, which wasn’t that good even back then.  The job did have pretty good benefits though, chief among them from my perspective was the ability to retire at age 55. 

Well, here I am 55 years old.  So I guess it could be said that with my retirement I have now achieved the goal I set for myself 34 years ago.  But I did have some fun and some adventures along the way.  I’m not sure there is anything you can say upon reaching the retirement milestone that hasn’t been said before or that isn’t a tired cliché.  But yeah, if life is a journey then your working life is a journey within that journey.  And here’s some of my story. 

Working as a mailman was actually a pretty cool job.  Except for the dogs and supervisors with unreasonable expectations.  I carried pepper spray for the dogs and became a union steward to deal with the supervisors, so it worked out ok I guess.  A couple of years after starting with the Postal Service I could afford to have a second child, and so with some assistance from my then-wife, I acquired a son to complement my daughter. 

Now, back in those days I used to really enjoy getting out of the city for some camping out.  The in-laws owned some property in Arizona that we used for this purpose and the thought occurred that wouldn’t it be great to actually LIVE there.  So, I dropped in for a visit with the Postmaster of Prescott, Arizona and as fate would have he was looking to hire a letter carrier.  So, next thing I knew I was packing up the U-Haul truck and making the big move. 

Living and working in Arizona was like a dream come true.  I bought my first house, became president of the local union, and founded a softball association.  I was living the American dream for sure and figured I was set for life.  Ah, but things do change, don’t they?  They wife and I split up and I found myself with custody of a 5 year old and a 3 year old.  And being a single parent was really, really hard work.  I’d get up a six, feed and dress the kids, drop them at daycare, carry my mail route, pick up the kids, feed and bathe them, collapse in exhaustion, then get up and do it all over again the next day.  After a few months of this routine I cried “uncle!”.  Actually, I cried “mother” as in, mom I need some help. 

Now, my parents had retired to a small hobby farm in Poteau, Oklahoma.  The nearest city of any size was Fort Smith, Arkansas.  And after a meeting with the HR Director, Ms. Bobbie McLaine, my transfer request was approved. You know, there was some culture shock when I first moved here to Korea.  But really not as much as I experienced as a California city boy living in the rural south.  I think the natives were as wary of me as I was of them, and the first year there was the loneliest of my life.  Everyday I would berate myself as I shouldered my mail satchel and walked my route in stifling heat and humidity.  I considered moving to Arkansas the absolute worst mistake I had ever made. The kids were thriving though having quickly adjusted to life on the farm.  

So, I made it through that first summer.  And as bad as an Arkansas summer was, the winter was worse.  I was now spending my days walking up and down icy pathways and porch steps.  And falling on my ass with alarming frequency.  Even when the weather was good, the work had become routine and mind-numbingly boring. It was becoming harder and harder to imagine myself carrying the mail until I reached retirement eligibility. And so I started applying for some management jobs.  Of course, I wasn’t really qualified for anything but that didn’t stop me.  There was a job open in the safety office and I figured anyone could do that!  So, one day Bobbie McLaine, the HR Director came down to the workroom and asked me if I wanted to ride with her to a scheduled labor-management meeting in Fayetteville.  Seeing as how I was a union official and I didn’t want to be viewed as sucking up to management, I declined her offer.  A little later, Dixie (the HR Director’s secretary) came to see me and she said “John, don’t you want that safety job?  Bobbie wanted you to ride with her so she could talk with you about the job”.  Oops!  Well, I made sure I was seated next to Bobbie at lunch.  And I got the job! 

Here’s the thing about Fort Smith–it was a pretty small pond.  Which made it pretty easy to be a big fish.  In addition to safety, I was soon tasked with being the labor relations representative.  And then I took on the responsibilities of being the Public Affairs Officer.  And pretty much anything else that needed to be done when there wasn’t a body to do it.  You really learn a lot that way and I seemed to have a knack for getting it right, at least most of the time. 

Now, I’ll confess to having an ego.  And I got thinking I just might need a slightly larger pond to hold it.  Of all my duties, I enjoyed labor relations the most so I started applying for every vacancy I could find.  I finally scored an interview in Charleston, South Carolina.  So, I flew out there and found the city quite charming and to my liking.  I thought I handled the interview well and afterwards one of the panel members, Jack Mabe, asked to speak with me.  He said I have your application for a job on my staff in Columbia and I’d like to interview you for that while you are here.  Naturally, I agreed. 

Now, I didn’t have any “real” LR experience other than the ad hoc stuff I was doing in Fort Smith and my union background.   The Charleston job was a small step up, but the Columbia job would constitute a huge promotion.  The interview with Jack didn’t take long–ever done an arbitration?  No.  How about an EEO case?  No.  What about MSPB?  I didn’t even know what that was.  He then asked a final question–which job would I prefer, Charleston or Columbia.  Well, what could I say?  I told him that I really liked Charleston and I thought that with my level of experience it was a better fit.  He thanked me and I left. When I made it back to my office in Fort Smith there was a message from Jack Mabe offering me the job in Columbia.  I accepted and moved to a city I had never seen.  I asked Jack later why he picked me and he said because you didn’t know anything so you wouldn’t have to unlearn any bad habits. 

Well, I was definitely way in over my head those first few months in Columbia.  But Jack was a great mentor and I learned how to do things his way which as it so happens was also the right way.  I gained confidence and competence and starting having enough success that I was getting noticed by some higher ups.  This led to an opportunity to be detailed as the Director of HR in Roanoke, VA and to doing some arbitration’s for areas outside of Columbia. 

And then came a major Postal Service reorganization.  One of those downsizing efforts to remove unneeded layers of management that seem to take place in organizations every few years.  All I was told for sure was that my Columbia job would no longer exist and that hopefully “something” would be found for me somewhere.  It was a tough time that drug on for several tortuous months.  In the end I wound up with a promotion working for the newly created Mid-Atlantic Area (one of 10 reporting directly to USPS HQ).  The best part was I could remain in Columbia because the job was traveling throughout the mid-Atlantic states doing arbitration, EEO and MSPB hearings! 

It was my dream job.  I was on the road 3 weeks out of the month, but in those days air travel was not such a bitch.  I really liked being the hired gun that came into town to handle the toughest cases.  And I won enough of them to gain a reputation for excellence.  I did this for several years and then my boss, Barry Swinehart, got promoted to the Area Director of HR.  He said he hoped I’d be applying for his old job as the Area LR manager.  I told him I already had the perfect job and lived in a perfect city and that I had no interest in living in the DC area (Arlington, VA).  Later he asked me to at least come up for a detail in the job.  I again declined. 

Then one day he called and said “John, I need you to do me a favor”.  Well, I know enough to know that when your boss says that, he ain’t asking.  And so I became the Mid-Atlantic Area Manager of Labor Relations.  It was the biggest job I ever had.  Responsible for 80,000 employees in 7 states (and DC).  Six people working for me and four angry postal unions on my ass every day.  

There was never a quiet moment and I worked long hours.  But it was a challenge and I think it really helped me learn a lot about leadership.  Or maybe I just got lucky and hired good people to work for me.  Either way, I enjoyed a fair amount of success and I was slotted into the Executive Development Program.  I was at the top of my game and the sky was limit. 

Or not.  I’ve never been much for playing politics.  And when HQ came out with some dumb-ass policy or program, I expressed my opinion accordingly.  Suffice to say I did not endear myself to the HQ VP for Labor Relations.  And then Barry Swinehart retired.  And I was deemed “not ready” to be his successor in the Postal Executive Service.  So, I took a detail assignment as the Director of HR in Little Rock, Arkansas.  It was a little like going home again and I did enjoy my time there.  I was offered the job on a permanent basis, but I decided my future lay elsewhere.  So, I took a job with the U.S. Department of Education. 

The ED is the smallest of the cabinet level Departments with just over 5,000 employees.  I was the number 2 in LR there.  I had a fraction of my previous responsibilities but a 25% pay increase, so I went for the money.  And spent four years being bored out of my mind.  Oh there were moments when I engaged in massive battles with the union on the size of cubicles (I’m not kidding!), but otherwise I was phoning it in. 

Turns out money is not everything.  I started applying for jobs that would get me out of DC and the DC mindset.  I was hoping for a job in Iraq but the Corps of Engineers apparently weren’t looking for old fat guys at the time.  I did get an offer from the Eighth Army in Korea and I jumped on it!  I had no clue what I was in for but it turned out to be the best place I’ve ever worked or lived.  You can read six years of Long Time Gone archives if you want to relive my adventures here, but I wouldn’t recommend it. 

And so this is where my career journey will end on December 31.  It was an incredible ride.  And although I might have done some things differently, I wouldn’t change a thing.  If you get my meaning.  Anyway, I’d best be getting ready to do my retirement gig.   

And all that jazz…

Back in Korea.  Longer than usual trip.  A two year old in the seat behind me spent the 13 hours between Detroit and Seoul alternately crying and kicking my seat.  Pretty irritating, but the poor mother traveling with three small children was harassed enough so I didn’t give her any additional shit.

It was good to play darts Friday although I was somewhat rusty.  Gonna go practice tonight in preparation for tomorrow’s playoff match against Gecko’s.

Jet lag is a funny thing.  I think I slept 20 hours yesterday, but didn’t go to bed until 6 a.m.  Plus, I never took off my robe.  Internet and crappy TV filled my waking hours.

Counting down the days now and have made some decisions.  More on that later.

Look what I made!

Speaking of dinner, how’s about some pulled pork bbq right out of the crock pot, baked beans (outta the can), corn muffins from a Jif mix, cole slaw from the commissary deli, and Lite beer from Miller.  Oh, and season 2 of Mad Men on the telly.
Life is good and as easy as you want to make it.  Just sayin’.

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I can’t drive 55

Really had a most excellent birthday.  Duke and Ji Young came over for dinner with the baby Friday night.  Then we went out for darts.  Saturday night, Jim and YJ hosted a birthday bash at Dolce Vita.  Lots of good food, good friends, and darts!  Oh, I understand we did some drinking too.

Here’s a few pictures to help me remember…

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What the hell is goin’ on anyway?

I mean, you’d think I could manage some semblance of regular posting.  It’s not like I’ve only ever posted when I had something of interest to say, right?

Fact is I do start feeling guilty when I don’t take care of business here at LTG.  I’ve just been pretty much without motivation for anything lately accept sitting on my lazy ass.   As I’ve speculated on why that might be the best I’ve come up with is that the uncertainty of my future has left me more than a little disconcerted.  And when I get to feeling this way, I tend to retreat and ignore.  Tantamount to putting my hands over my ears and screaming LA LA LA! at the top of my voice.

Anyway, I make it sound worse than it is.  It’s not like sitting on my lazy ass doing nothing is all that bad.  Still, there are things to be done and decisions to be made and at some point I need to get on with the doing and deciding.

As folks who care know, last months trip to the Philippines was not exactly a disaster, but it didn’t go as planned either.  Not only did I not find a suitable place to live, I came away questioning whether I wanted to live there period.  Which kinda sorta undermined the dream I’d been pursuing for these past several years.

Upon my return from that ill-fated trip I had to postpone my retirement date and recalibrate my future plans.  It was more than a little embarassing seeing as how my farewell luncheon had been scheduled and my replacement had been selected.

January 2, 2011 is the new big day.  And no excuses, I will no doubt about it, unquestionably, effectuate my retirement on that date.  I really mean it this time.

What I am going to do and where I will be on January 3, 2011 remains to be seen. 

Stay tuned.

Sorry about that

I’ve kinda fallen off the posting wagon of late here, haven’t I?  Not to make excuses (as I proceed to do so) but I’ve just been a tad out of sorts here of late.  When the going gets overwhelming, my tendency is retreat into numbing mindlessness.

So these past several days have found me escaping into the world of CIV IV (and doing pretty well, thank you) and watching countless espisodes of House (I’m halfway through season six now!). 

That hasn’t left much time for the blog.  But what’s to write anyway?  Politics is not exactly a bore, but I find it increasingly difficult to watch Obama and his team of clowns and fools systematically deconstruct everything that once made America great.  Which is not to say that politics is not in the future here at LTG, but I’m waiting for something inspiring.  Hey, maybe the elections in November will bring good cheer…

But really, I think it is my impending retirement and move to the Philippines that has put me off my game.  I have a great job and the career has been so much more than I ever imagined possible.  Lucky I have been!  Still, I do know it is time to let go and do something else (or nothing at all) for awhile.  I just don’t have the passion for it anymore.  I think this passionlessness is most notably manifested in my escalating inability to tolerate bullshit.  And trust me, working for the government is the Kingdom of Bovine Excrement.  Although I will miss the people and the security of a well paid position of responsibility, I can let go and move on.  I really can.

So, moving on means moving on to the Philippines.  But oddly enough, I can’t seem to generate as much excitement for the reality of that proposition as I could for the dream.  I’m not exactly sure why that is and that fact has created a sense of foreboding and dissonance of late.

Well, there I’ve said it out aloud.  And no, I don’t feel particularly better for having done so.  The fact is I have built a very nice life for myself here in Korea.  As the days dwindle down I’m realizing just how much I’m going to miss living here amongst the friends I have made.  So, there’s that.

I’m going to be heading out to the PI on Thursday and will stay for 10 days.  It’s really a business trip.  Taking care of the business of securing a visa, a house to live in, and a sense that I am moving to a place where I belong. 

I told myself I’d give it a year and see what happens.  And that’s what I plan to do.  I’d just prefer that the year feel like time spent in paradise rather than jail. 

It’s a hot day.  And the lake is dark and cold.  It’s a little scary to contemplate jumping in, because the shock of hitting that water is bound to be…what?  Painful?  Perhaps, but once I’m aclimated I expect it will be refreshing.

And if I’m wrong?  Well, I reckon I will just get my ass out of the lake and go look for a hot tub. 

Or something.

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(Mt. Pinatubo in Northern Luzon nearby where I expect to be living in September)

Conflicted…

Ok, it is no secret that I’m a federal civil servant.  Have been working for my Uncle Sam for over 33 years.  And I have another 89 days to go until I retire.  At the tender age of 55.  And I’ve earned a comfortable pension that I hope to collect for at least the next 20 years.

So, I guess this video is directed at me.

I think I’ve made some valuable contributions over the years and done generally very good to excellent work in public service.  In other words, I think I’ve earned my salary (or at least kept my end of the of the employment bargain of “a fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay”).

But yeah, the disparity between the government sector and the private sector is pretty shocking.  Makes me glad to be gettin’ out while the gettin’s good, because I expect there is a reckoning out there on the horizon.

So, I guess this makes for a classic case of cognitive dissonance.

Oh, and I used to work at the U.S. Department of Education.  It was cool to see the old building at the end of the video.  Although I can’t believe those crappy red school house structures are still there.  They were originally built as temporary structures to protect folks from falling marble from the buildings facade.  But they became a minor tourist attraction.  I used to stand out there and smoke and be amazed as tourists posed for photos in front of the plywood sheds.  No joke.

100 days

I’m back in Korea after a long exhausting trip.  Physically and emotionally.

Back for the last 100 days of my life in the Land of the Morning Calm.  And my last hundred days as a working man.

Suffice to say it is all getting real.  Very real.  I don’t think I’m scared, but I’m definitely starting to freak out.

Ah well.  Time marches on.