Little in life is more disappointing than misplaced optimism.  Given my past experiences, why I believed that the United States government might actually demonstrate a modicum of competence against all evidence to the contrary is beyond me.  I now stand corrected.

Last month’s visit to the Social Security office had left me hopeful that I would by now be in possession of a social security number for my wife.  Having not received a promised notification in last week’s mail, we got up early today and drove downtown to the Federal building.  Once again we were promptly served (I give SSA props for that at least) and as fate would have it we drew the same customer service rep as before.  She said the reason we hadn’t gotten notice that the social security application had been processed was because “DHS was unable to verify immigration status.”

The mind reels.  After all those months of waiting for the green card to be issued, less than a month later DHS can’t find a record of having done so?  God save us all if these are the people in charge of “Homeland Security”.

So what happens now is SSA will send copies of the green card and passport to DHS and if a sentient being there can verify that Jee Yeun has been granted permanent residency, they will notify SSA who will then process the SSN application.  ETA on actually getting a SSN?  Maybe four weeks.  Which puts me perilously close to the April 15 deadline for filing my taxes.

Tomorrow I will visit my accountant, sign my tax forms, which she will hold until I email the social security number that one of my kids will be watching out for while they periodically check my mailbox here at the house.

Nothing comes easy when you rely on Uncle Sam.  Turns out he’s a real fucktard.

The United State is a first world nation with a third world government.  As Neil Young duly noted, things are comin’ apart at every nail…

So, some folks in San Antonio are not happy with the name this woman chose for her Korean food truck.  Hell, I wish we had something like this rolling in Columbia regardless of what it’s called.  Featuring Korean BBQ,Japchae, and Bibimbap and the most popular dish, Korean Fried Chicken.

Now, when I first saw the article I assumed the truck was owned by a Korean immigrant and the name choice was accidental (like the infamous dress shop in Itaewon named “Make Yourself Fucking Lovely”).  But no, it’s a white woman’s business and she just likes the name.  Cocky bitch!

I mentioned the shows on television that I enjoy here.

I came across some rather insightful reviews on two of them this morning and I felt compelled to share.

True Detective’s Godless Universe

House of Cards is not a conservative show–except when it is

Enjoy!

The dreaded trip back into the belly of the beast (the Federal Building downtown) to visit the office of the Social Security Administration (SSA) was almost, dare I say it, pleasant.

Forewarned is forearmed I suppose.  We had heard some horror stories about the Columbia office so we got up early to be first in line.  According to the placards the office opens at 9:00 a.m. and we arrived at a quarter till.  There were already 20 or more people inside the doors and I thought to myself, oh gawd, here we go again.  But as it turned out there was some method to the madness.

To begin, there was a fancy interactive touch screen kiosk that took some basic information and then printed out your queue number.  As we settled in for what I assumed would be a long wait I was very surprised they were calling numbers and it wasn’t even opening time yet!  And there were enough windows staffed and operating that the numbers were being announced in a rapid fire manner.  We waited no more than 10 minutes before our number was announced and we approached a pleasant woman safely ensconced behind a glass partition.

She took our SSN application, treasured green card and Jee Yeun’s passport and danced her fingers across the keyboard.  As she was doing so I mentioned that I had seen on the SSA website that I could have applied for the SSN simultaneously with the green card application, but nowhere in the USCIS documents did it mention that option.  She nodded in agreement and said “we really shouldn’t have that on our webpage, because it never works.  People come in all the time who applied through USCIS but we never have a record of it”.  Sweet.

Things were going along swimmingly until we heard the sound that no one wants to ever hear under any circumstance from a government agent: “uh oh”.  She said the SSA places a ten day hold on all newly issued immigration documents.  As ours was only issued eight days prior, she could not complete processing of our application.  She shook her head and said “we really ought to put that information on our website.”  With that I could agree.

I explained I’d be leaving the country in a mere 12 days and I really needed to get an SSN for tax purposes.  Our friendly bureaucrat explained that the hold would be lifted next week and the application would be promptly processed.  She promised to send a letter when the application was completed.  And then she volunteered a key piece of information: I don’t have to wait to get the physical social security card.  If all I needed was the number, I could get that as soon as the application was finalized, although we’d have to come to the office in person to get it.   Works for me.

When I had first sat down across from little Miss Helpful I noticed she had this Groucho Marx quote on her desk:

Today’s mail brought the long awaited green card (permanent residence) status for Jee Yeun.  And all it took was more than two years and two thousand dollars.  Along with every last ounce of my patience.

Anyway, we persevered.  And now that the U.S. government has granted residency status we can get the hell out of here for our long anticipated return to the Land of the Morning Calm.  Before that departure I need to secure a social security number for Jee Yeun so as to complete my tax filing obligation like the good citizen that I am.  We’ll venture back downtown to the Federal building for that purpose tomorrow morning.

And then I need to purchase two tickets to paradise (or a reasonable facsimile thereof).  I have a dart tournament to compete in from March 7-9 in Augusta, GA.  So, I’m going to shoot for a departure date of March 13.  I’m going about it a little differently this time around.  Normally, I book from Columbia to Atlanta via Delta Airlines which code shares the Atlanta to Seoul Korean Air flight.  But that has posed some problems in the past.  Flying from Columbia adds about $300 to each ticket.  Since I’m entering Korea on a tourist visa* I have to book a return trip within 90 days.  Given that we’ll be staying in Korea for six months or so** I have to change my return flight and Delta gigs me another $250 for that privilege.  The final straw was that Delta charges a baggage fee for more than one bag on international flights.  Which is outrageous.

Instead of dealing with the greedy bastards at Delta, I’m going to pay someone to drive us to Atlanta and I’ll book directly with Korean Air.  They still allow two bags per passenger at no charge, are more flexible with with rescheduling flights, and they actually seem to care about customer service.  Plus their flight attendants are prettier.

Anyway, we are excited!

* I intend to change my visa status to spouse while I’m in Korea.  Hopefully the Korean government will prove easier to deal with in that regard than my own has.

** I foresee future difficulties with Uncle Sam regarding my 6 months here and there plan.  USCIS is apparently much stricter with legal immigrants than they are with those who ignore our nation’s immigration laws.  When a person is granted permanent residency they are expected to you know, reside in the USA permanently.  I get that.  So you’d think if we spent slightly less than 6 months in Korea, and slightly more than that here we’d be okay.  My research on this indicates otherwise.  I saw some horror stories that multiple annual trips of a few months duration can put the grant of permanent residency in jeopardy.  Apparently, there is no type of visa that works ideally for our situation.  One solution would be for Jee Yeun to become a naturalized citizen.  Except she prefers to retain Korean citizenship.  I’ll probably do what I should have done from the very beginning–consult an immigration lawyer.

UPDATE: I’m such a whore.  Went online to purchase tickets.  KAL’s ATL-ICN route was $1750.  And I’d pay someone $200 to drive me to Atlanta plus 4 hours in the car.  Whereas, Delta had Charlotte/Detroit/Incheon for $1135.  The layover in DET is just over an hour, so the total flight time is almost the same as from ATL.  I’m one hour from CLT so all things considered, I went with Delta.  We’ll see how it works out…

Jee Yeun’s green card has finally been approved!  The update above from my friends at USCIS indicates the card is in production and soon will be in the mail.  And this complicated process should take no more than 30 days to complete.

Now, I can actually start planning my return to Korea.  Still some stuff to wrap up here (primarily getting a Social Security number for Jee Yeun and getting my taxes done).  And booking our flight to Seoul!

When I’m not battling the government or playing darts, I enjoy sinking into my big ol’ couch and watching me some T.V.*  Not enough to justify the monthly premium mind you, but when I do watch, this is what I like:

True Detective (HBO) Great acting, outstanding writing.  The Louisiana setting is also a pleasing change of pace. It’s only been out for four episodes, but it’s keeping my interest thus far (which is actually a pretty high bar). Starring Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey.

House of Cards (Netflix) A political drama (and remake of the British original which I have not seen).  Set in Washington, DC of course although the lead character is a Congresscritter from South Carolina.  It’s true to life in that the politicians are all pretty much self-serving hypocrites.  What’s different is in this series they are Democrats (although truth be told, the Republicans are portrayed just as badly, they are just not featured).  The Tea Party gets the usual disrespect you’d expect, but this article (spoiler alert) makes the point that the series should delight the Tea Party types.  One thing that is really cool about the Netflix format is that they release the entire season of episodes at once so you can watch at your leisure.  Season 2 was released on February 14 and I watched the season ending episode on February 16 (technically 17 I guess since it was around 2:00 in the morning). Starring Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright.

Shameless (Showtime) Ah, the dysfunctional Gallagher family, which actually functions quite well considering the obstacles they must overcome.  Probably a more accurate depiction of a “typical” family than most of the white bread shows we grew up with.  Actually, the McCrarey household I grew up in was closer to Shameless than Leave it to Beaver (eh, but whose wasn’t?).  We were more like Shameless than all our neighbors is perhaps more apt. Maybe that’s why it resonates.  Anyway, good stuff. Featuring William H. Macy, Emmy Rossum and an outstanding ensemble cast.

House of Lies (Showtime) I hadn’t intended to rank these in my order of preference, but I guess that’s how it’s turning out.  This show is about a group of management consultants, a type I encountered all too often over my years in the federal service.  Yep, your Uncle Sam does love to fritter away your tax dollars on crappy consultants.  The series is based on a book entitled:  House of Lies: How Management Consultants Steal Your Watch and Then Tell You the Time which pretty much sums it up.  Still, it’s entertaining enough although it’s not amongst the shows I look forward to seeing each week.  Truth be told, it’s right beside Shameless in my On Demand queue, so I kill an hour on this while I’m there.  Starring Don Cheadle.

Other stuff I watch to pass the time (I normally do all my television viewing between 10 p.m and 2:00 a.m.) includes Episodes, Parks and Recreation, An Idiot Abroad, and when really desperate, Burn Notice.

Another of my favorite shows is Game of Thrones but it won’t begin airing again until April.

I supplement all of the above with the occasional documentary or other non-fiction programming that piques my interest.  I spend much more time on Netflix (around $8.00 per month) than I do on AT&T Uverse ($110 including internet).  But the best programs tend to be on the premium channels and I’m not that easily entertained.

* I will not sit through commercial television programming because of the commercials.  I just can’t tolerate the interruption. So, unless a series has migrated to Netflix or is on a premium channel, it’s a no go.  And those tricky bastards at ABC/NBC/CBS/FOX that make their shows available “on demand” will not permit fast forwarding through the commercials.  So fuck them, I just don’t watch.

It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of big government, but I do recognize that there are certain services that we must rely on Uncle Sam to provide.  Is it asking too much that the government endeavor to accomplish these necessary tasks with at least a modicum of competence?

My latest encounter with the federal bureaucracy in the form of the IRS nearly caused my head to explode.  Today I had the misfortune to visit the “taxpayer assistance office” located in the Strom Thurmond Federal Building in beautiful downtown Columbia.  And why pray tell did this taxpayer require assistance?  Because of the sluggards who reside within the offices at USCIS.  I won’t recount the sordid details of those travails again (if you are so inclined you can read about it here and here and here), suffice to say that because my wife’s application for permanent residency (green card) has been inexplicably delayed (or in government speak “outside normal processing time”) I’ve got some hurdles to jump prior to filing my income taxes.

You see, I can’t claim Jee Yeun as a dependent exemption on my 1040 until she has an SSN.  And she can’t get an SSN until she receives her green card.  Luckily, the IRS has a solution: I can file a W-7 form with my tax return and she will be assigned an ITIN (individual taxpayer identification number).  Ah, if it were only that simple.  For when you file the W-7 in the aforementioned fashion you must also send acceptable documentation of identity, which in Jee Yeun’s case is her passport.  No worries, IRS says the passport will be returned in 90 days or so (yeah, I’ve heard THAT promise before).  Being the unflagging optimist that I am,  I fully expect we will be back in Korea long before then.  So we are going to need that passport.

This morning I called the local IRS office and reached a recording that advised they don’t answer questions over the phone.  The recording also helpfully advised that I could find my answers at www.IRS.gov or I could visit the Taxpayer Assistance Office in person, “no appointment necessary”.  I dutifully went to the IRS website and did find my answer: I could bring the documentation and W-7 to my local Taxpayer Assistance Office for processing.  So we loaded into the car and headed downtown.

The Federal Building is an eight story monstrosity housing the entire alphabet soup of government agencies.  And guess what?  They offer zero public parking!  After circling around a couple of times I finally scored a metered spot a few blocks away.  I fed the meter a couple of quarters which bought me an hour on the street (told you I was an optimist).  Fortunately, it was a beautiful day and Jee Yeun and I walked hand-in-hand to our destination.  In true Buddhist fashion, Jee Yeun commented on how pleasant it was to be out walking down the street like we do in Seoul (I’ve always admired her positive outlook in life).  Upon entering the building the Federal Protective Service guards asked for ID.  My driver’s license sufficed, but the guard spent several minutes perusing Jee Yeun’s passport.  He finally asked “where is the visa?”  I momentarily pictured him calling upstairs to get INS on the case, but he reluctantly accepted my assertion that the green card was pending.  Going through security was just like the airport (no shoes, hats, belts or jewelry) but with less friendly agents.  Imagine that!

Having successful navigated the x-ray machine (and a bizarrely thorough search of Jee Yeun’s purse) we took the elevator up to the sixth floor offices of the IRS.  Where we encountered a line extending out the door of the Taxpayer Assistance Office.  To say that the line moved slower than a glacier would make me appear to be a global warming denier (which I am, but that’s another story).  Thirty minutes later I was still outside the door but I could peer inside and observe 20 or so disgruntled patrons of the IRS waiting for assistance.  Apparently, the line I was in was to get a number to be served in turn, but I did not see anyone handing out said numbers.  I did overhear one of the “lucky” people in the room say they had been waiting for four hours.  To pass the time and to overcome my foreboding upon reading a sign that said “Due to staffing limitations this office can only receive payments and provide transcripts”, neither of which I came to do, I called the IRS 800 number.  My phone call was put on hold for the “next available agent” and I played a game in my mind about who would actually speak to me first–the seemingly non-existent bureaucrat in the office or the faceless one on the phone.

Thirty more minutes go by and then a frumpy disinterested woman appeared from behind the glass wall (I had observed her listlessly looking at her computer monitor for some time) and announced “we will not be giving out any additional numbers today, and because of staffing shortages some of you with numbers may not be served”.  It became clear to me why the security procedures were so severe and necessary.  The disgruntled taxpayers had now become angry taxpayers.  I told the frumpy employee that I needed to file a W-7 and she responded that I could send it in with my tax form.  As I was explaining that I could not part with my passport, she turned to the angry crowd and told them harshly to “quiet down!”  Returning her attention to me, I told her the IRS webpage said I could file the W-7 at the Taxpayer Assistance Office.  She then advised me that they were “not staffed” to do that in this office.  I asked who was staffed to do so and she suggested I try going to Charlotte, NC.

About this time I made it through the phone queue where a friendly gentlemen confirmed the fact that Charlotte (100 miles distant) was the nearest office that could accept my W-7.  I thanked him for the website not mentioning that critical fact but the sarcasm seemed lost on him.

The day was not a complete cluster fuck however, for despite my parking meter having long since expired, I had not been given a parking ticket.  So there’s that.

Jee Yeun never directly criticizes America, bless her heart.  On the drive home she simply mentioned that during the busiest times at the Korean tax office, she never waited more than 20 minutes to be served.  She said in Korea government workers are smart and efficient and want to help you.  And they hire enough people to do the job.  I said “yes dear, everything works better in Korea”.  And I meant it.

Not only is the United States broke, it is broken.  That makes me sad.  And angry.

Here’s the obligatory photos depicting the Great South Carolina Ice Storm of 2014:

Tuesday morning saw about half an inch of a sleet/snow mix on the ground…

Today that snow base is covered with a sheet of ice. Difficult to get a good picture of it, but it’s rock hard and slick as a skating rink. I nearly fell on my ass several times in the process of taking this photo…

The car that will remained parked until the ice has melted. It was supposed to get above freezing today. but as of now some light frozen precip is still falling…

UPDATE:  I caught cabin fever this afternoon so I ventured out to the grocery to check out the empty shelves.  My driveway slopes downhill so I was able to sled out.  Couldn’t get all the way back up the driveway, but I’m out of the street at least…

It’s a simple and straightforward dream: that my government will make serving the interests of it’s citizens a priority.  It has become apparent of late that that is only a pipe dream.

What I had suspected to be true was sadly confirmed by the New York Times:

Many thousands of Americans seeking green cards for foreign spouses or other immediate relatives have been separated from them for a year or more because of swelling bureaucratic delays at a federal immigration agency in recent months.

The long waits came when the agency, Citizenship and Immigration Services, shifted attention and resources to a program President Obama started in 2012 to give deportation deferrals to young undocumented immigrants, according to administration officials and official data.  …

Until recently, an American could obtain a green card for a spouse, child or parent — probably the easiest document in the immigration system — in five months or less. But over the past year, waits for approvals of those resident visas stretched to 15 months, and more than 500,000 applications became stuck in the pipeline, playing havoc with international moves and children’s schools and keeping families apart.

I guess I should count my blessings, at least Jee Yeun is stuck here in the states with me.  But the fact the President made the DREAM Act amnesty program for illegal immigrants a priority over people like me and half a million other citizens is outrageous.  I am well beyond mere anger at this point, a fury which is only exacerbated by the fact that I am powerless to do a fucking thing about it.

Well, that’s not entirely true.  I did pick up the phone and call the USCIS customer “service” number.  After navigating the recorded phone tree options I was eventually connected with a pleasant enough human being.  Apparently her training only allowed her to read from prepared scripts.  I patiently explained that after receiving a letter dated August 2, 2013 stating our residency application would be delayed approximately six months due to “workload” issues there had been no further contact from USCIS.  This prompted the spokesbot to recite from the script that said my case had been accepted on April 30 for processing at the Lee’s Summit, MO facility.  That was all the information she had.

I told her the August 2 letter said that if I hadn’t heard anything in six months I was supposed to call the customer service number, which is what I was now attempting to do.  This comment apparently resulted in the spokesbot accessing a new script to read to me.  Progress!  This time I was told that my application had been received on April 30, had been processed at Lee’s Summit, MO, and sent to the Charleston, SC service center for adjudication.  So then I asked the only question I care about–how much longer do I have to wait?  She didn’t have an answer for that, so she put me on hold.  When she returned to the phone she advised me that my application was received on April 30, processed at Lee’s Summit, sent to Charleston, and that my case was “outside normal processing parameters”.  Alrighty then.  Now what?

The helpful spokesbot then carefully took down all the information I had previously provided and assured me that the Charleston office would be notified of the fact my case was outside normal processing parameters and that if I hadn’t heard from Charleston in fifteen days I should call the customer service number.  So, the circle jerk has now completed a full loop I suppose.

I asked if making an appointment to speak in person with someone in Charleston would be helpful.  Her somewhat ominous response was that it would not be “harmful” to do so, but that I’d have to schedule an appointment online in their “info pass” system.  I thanked her for her time and effort and the call ended.  I immediately went to the info pass system to schedule a potentially unhelpful but unharmful appointment in Charleston.  The joke was on me apparently.  Here are the options for getting an appointment:

The only one that potentially fits is the last one.  So if I don’t hear back in the 15 days I’ve been promised, I can wait another 30 days and schedule an appointment.  That’s not really helpful, but I guess it wouldn’t be harmful either.

Who knew the DREAM Act would be such a nightmare?

So, I came upon this link that asks the question: Are you smarter than an educator?  That seems to be a pretty low bar as far as intelligence indicators go, but I took the test anyway.  I was astounded when I saw just how easy the questions were.  I did miss two which I attribute more to not reading carefully than to ignorance.  Even so, I scored a 93%.  Now get this: The average score for all 2,508 Americans taking the test was 49%; college educators scored 55%!  That’s pretty damn scary.

Here’s a direct link to the test.  Go ahead and take it.  It will probably make you feel good about yourself.  Or sad for your fellow citizens.  Or both.

I have a kimchi pot on my front porch.  Today the doorbell rang.  Jee Yeun answered the door and began conversing in Korean.  Apparently two well dressed Korean men were driving by and saw the aforementioned kimchi pot and surmised correctly that a Hanguk-saram was living here.  So, they wanted to stop by and share some good news.

And so they did and then they left.

The other strange event of the day is that my house is full of the wonderful smell of roasting turkey.  Well, it is not strange that the house smells of poultry because I’ve had some in the oven these past couple of hours.  It’s just strange that I’m making turkey this time of year I suppose.  But what the hell, I’m retired and no slave to a calendar.  And I like turkey.

Just another exciting day in the life here at LTG.

…or are you just happy to see me?

A nice commercial entitled “Wrong Girl”.  Although I think I’d call it “Ginger Snaps!”.  The eye candy alone makes it worth the watch.

An outstanding post from Kevin Kim over at Hairy Chasms this morning.  Go give it a read right now.

And then read this one courtesy of NPR.

Makes you think.  It did me anyway.  I left a comment on Kevin’s blog that was long enough to a post here, so that’s what I’m making it:

This was a good and thought provoking read. As one who leans right though I must say that I haven’t observed as the norm the kind of thinking on separatism that you describe. I don’t believe that folks should stay in their place, but rather we should all have the freedom to make the place we want for ourselves. It seems to me that the most extremist viewpoints on both the right and left are what gets everyone’s attention, while the vast majority of us just want to live our lives in harmony.

For example, Malkin can definitely be out there on the fringe, but the reality is most people think we should have a sensible and consistent enforcement of our immigration laws. Although Malkin used harsh rhetoric, most countries in the world, including Korea and Mexico, strictly enforce their immigration statutes.

I too fear we are losing our “unum” and that can’t be a good thing for a country that was founded on a “melting pot” principle. But having said that, it’s always been the case that Americans have lived together and yet stayed somewhat apart. Every major city has it’s Italian district, it’s Chinatown, etc. I recall when my kids were in high school our community was 50% black and 50% white. This was decades after Jim Crow mandated segregation. And yet, at basketball games the African-Americans by choice sat almost exclusively in one section of the bleachers. There was no friction or animosity, they just preferred to sit and cheer together. I guess that’s just basic human nature.

Assimilation is good and necessary but I don’t think achieving that requires abandoning your cultural heritage either. So, I think that while English proficiency is a necessary component of becoming fully “Americanized”, I don’t really have a problem with those who haven’t mastered the language. My attitude on this has moderated significantly over the years. In my hometown in California we had a huge influx of Vietnamese boat people. I’d drive down main street and couldn’t read the shop signs in the city I grew up in and I found that irksome. But after living in Korea for several years I came to really appreciate some simple courtesies like announcing subway stops in English. Now, when I encounter the ubiquitous bi-lingual (generally Spanish/English) signs, advertisements, ballots and the like, I’m okay with it. Although I still think bi-lingual education in the public schools is wrong. It seems to me that kids who are not compelled to learn English are being set up for failure and a minimum wage lifestyle. That is in no ones best interest.

After all these years I can’t converse in Korean, so maybe shame on me. I never worked on the economy there though and I did learn enough to get by (I can order my beer and ask for the bathroom for example). I do feel like a failure though when I can’t participate in the conversation when I visit Jee Yeun’s family. But many many times I’ve had Koreans apologize to me for their “poor” English. In their own damn country! And that embarrassed me because we wouldn’t have been talking at all if they relied on my limited Korean.

Anyway, I think we might be losing something that binds us together as a nation.  But on the other hand, maybe we are just evolving as a nation.  I do wish we’d have less “us and them” and more “we are all in this together”.  I imagine you may call me a dreamer.  But I’m not the only on.