Heh, did a London broil on the grill today. Served it up with mashed taters and asparagus. First attempt at this on my own and to be honest it didn’t turn out all that well. Tougher than I’m used to, and my hybrid marinade (a mesquite and Italian mix) was pretty unsatisfactory. Well, it was worth a try I suppose and I have enough meat left over to snack on for the next few days.

Guess I’ll get off my lazy ass (I just won five straight at spider solitaire), shower up, and figure out what to do with my Saturday night. Hmm, there’s darts at the Blue Frog…

At o’dark thirty this morning. In the snow. I was very pleased with my decision to not drive my hoop-dee. Saw three accidents on the Airport Highway between the toll booth and the airport, a stretch of maybe 10 KMs. God love ’em, Koreans just don’t slow down for wet slippery pavement.

Anyway, arrived a little later than expected, but my new employee and his family had a long wait for the baggage, so there was no problem. Oscar has two daughters, 3 months and 2 years of age. And more bags than I imagined possible. It took two cabs to crammed to the gills to transport us back the Yongsan Garrison. But we made it.

Danny, my other new employee arrived Saturday but having lived in Korea previously required no assistance from me. So, after in-processing is completed this week I’ll be a lot closer to being staffed up. Well, 3 more vacancies, but I have someone coming in next month and a solid candidate for another position. Things are definitely looking up work wise.

Snowed a lot yesterday and again today, but the temperature stayed above freezing so there was not much accumulation. Which is a good thing.

And that’s the story from here.

Something a little different at Dolce Vita last night. Yeah, we did our darts routine, but this time to some live music.

Maya, the newest bartender at Dolce came in last night with her American husband, Steve. And Steve came in with his acoustic guitar. After awhile he started providing a little free entertainment. After awhile longer (and a few more beers) we all started to sing along. He is quite the talented musician and it turns out he plays with the locally famous rock band “Faded”. I’d actually heard them play once a couple of years ago. And Steve invited me out to see them perform at Woodstock tonight, which I intend to do.

In addition to playing some popular favorites, Steve also writes his own songs. He played one called “Rita” which was really a quite moving love song. Very impressive. He also has a great sense of humor and incorporates it into his music. He did “Country Roads” as you might hear it at the norebang–in Konglish. Hilarious. He also did an “R” rated version of the traditional A-B-C song that had us laughing like maniacs.

We all had such a good time that YJ invited Steve to do a regular Tuesday night gig at Dolce. So, now the best damn darts bar in Itaewon will also be serving up some live music on a weekly basis.

If you got a hankerin’ for some mellow music to while away the hours on a cold and lonely Tuesday night, you now know the place to be. See you there!

According to my weather pixie, it is precisely 7 degrees Fahrenheit this morning. Clear and cold. Especially the cold part.

Snow has been falling from the sky all the day long. In DC it would have been a snow day (i.e. government closed) but no such luck here in the land of the morning calm. You know, that being ready to defend against Northern aggression thing. Although I doubt Mr. Kim, Jong-il would bother dragging his sorry ass outta bed on a day like today. I know I didn’t want to.

But really, I overstate the case. The snow stopped sticking around 1000 when the temperature made it above freezing, but it started sticking again around 1600. The boss let us go home 59 minutes early to get a jump on traffic, but the major roads were all good. A little tricky getting up the hill to my villa, but here I am safe and sound.

So, now to figure out what to do with a snowy Friday night. Hmm, well you know I will wind up at Dolce Vita but I expect most dart players have more sense than to walk the slippery sidewalks of Itaewon. Or not. We’ll see.

Good to see a comment from Duke (hell, good to see a comment from anyone!). We are all looking forward to his visit next month.

Anyway, I will try to come up with something a little more interesting than the weather to talk about tomorrow. Here’s the view from my back door:

Spent the first day of the new year being lazy. Not sure if that bodes ill or not, but it felt right. Too f’n cold to go outside and so I didn’t.

I wasn’t totally unproductive as I plowed through a book in one setting. “for one more day” by Mitch Albom. I had previously read “five people you will meet in heaven”, so I guess I knew what to expect. Well, what can I say? The story was sweet. And Mr. Albom pretty much uses a sledge hammer to pound the moral of the story into your head. So yeah, I got it. I winced in places that struck a little to close to where I live, but I took away no lessons I didn’t already know. Ignoring and ignorance are two different things, after all.

Back to work today and I’m going to have to ramp the energy level up and start getting productive. I am pretty sure its going to be a busy year workwise.

Nothing much else to mention. I’ve got a case of the post holiday blues I suppose, but this too shall pass.

Man oh man, where does the time go?

Rang in the New Year last night at Dolce Vita. Jim and YJ hosted a great party their regular patrons and dart and pool leaguers. Had some good grub, including wings and various dips, salads and sauces. Lonnie made his con queso dip, which is pretty much all I ate. Yeah, it was that good. My contribution was the tortilla chips and pumpernickel bread. Ok, I got off easy this time. But I am baking blueberry muffins this morning!

Here’s wishing everyone a 2008 filled with good health, good friends, and good times.

Today never got above zero. Which makes it a perfect day for pot roast. Yeah, yeah, no big deal cooking a pot roast. But I never had done it before. So I succumbed to my craving and gave it whirl. A three pound roast, some onion, baby carrots, seasoning, and cream of mushroom soup. Put it all in a bag, popped it in the oven, and three hours later I was chowing down.

And it was good.

Already looking forward to leftovers tomorrow.

Last night was softtip dart league night. We were playing Danny’s Bar in Hannam-dong. Although we were playing at Jay Bar because Danny’s no longer has an electronic dart board (having replaced it with a baby grand piano). Talk about extreme makeovers.

Anyhoo, Hannam is the next village over from Itaewon, but it is world’s away in terms of atmosphere. Not nearly as many foreigners for example. Savvy readers will remember that I technically live in Hannam, although I am several blocks away from the business district. I actually only rarely go there which is a shame because it is a nice change of pace.

So, the softip league differs from the steeltip version in that about half the teams are made up exclusively of Koreans. And they are good, eight of the top ten players are Koreans. Danny’s/Jay Bar are Korean venues. In fact, the bar staff didn’t speak English at all. So, I got to use my limited vocabulary a couple of times (although teammates Lonnie and Grant are comparatively fluent).

We won 13-0. That is two weeks in a row we have swept the match. Of course it would be dishonest if I failed to mention that both victories came as a result of forfeits. Not sure what is going on, but rumor has it the Korean teams are boycotting because of some controversy that occurred in a big softtip tournament with an American member of the league. Don’t know that that is the case, but it was strange that NONE of the Korean teams showed up last week.

Well, we were there at Jay Bar and had the board to ourselves so we played a couple of rounds and enjoyed some cold beers. Then we crossed the street to check out Danny’s and had another round of beer. Afterwards we cabbed back to Dolce and played some “real” darts (steeltips) and drank more beer.

Mr. Kim, a fine darts player and a good guy showed up. Rare for him these days as he is juggling three businesses and is always working. He immediately challenged me to a game, but I protested I was too drunk to throw and besides I had already put my darts away. He wasn’t hearing it, reminding me that I had put him out of the tournament on Saturday and he wanted some revenge. What are you going to do in that situation but play. Well, the results were pretty predictable as he won 4 of the 5 legs we played. Although given my condition, they were relatively close. I think sober I *might* be able to beat Mr. Kim 40% of the time. Or not.

And then I had a nice surprise when Brian, a friend from the fantasy football league, came in with a Canadian friend of his. We all got to talking and the next thing I know its 2 a.m. It was good to see him again though. BTW, my team lost in the second round of the playoffs last weekend. I had debated which running back to bench, Willie Parker or Clinton Portis. I went with Parker who wound up getting injured in the first quarter and scored me zero points. I would up losing by 10 points, and the difference was sitting on my bench in the person of Mr. Portis. Ah well.

Oh yeah, on the evening of Christmas day we had the bright idea of inventing some dart bar drinks. I don’t know enough about booze to be of any benefit to the creative process, but in a small way I was the inspiration. I was throwing pretty poorly and Jim had ordered a round of drinks. When the barkeep asked what I wanted I blurted out that “I needed a dart lesson”. A light bulb went off in Jim’s head I guess, because the next thing I know he had pen and paper in hand and was working on a recipe. And the shot now called the “dart lesson” was born. Its an ungodly mix of grenadine, jagermeister, Bailey’s and Midori. Given the various consistencies of the ingredients it makes for a layer of dart board colors in the shot glass. Looks good but the taste is pretty gross. So, we decided it would be a punishment drink, i.e., someone throws a bad round of darts and the call goes out to “give that guy a dart lesson”. That should provide some motivation to shoot well. Jim actually worked up a couple of more drinks, including a Ton-80. That consists of two parts Wild Turkey and one part Southern Comfort (to take the edge off). Now, I personally can barely drink whiskey as it triggers a gag reflex. But, Lonnie had thrown a Ton-80 at Jay Bar, so of course we had to give the new drink a try. Yikes, it is powerful concoction! Luckily (for me) Ton-80s are relatively rare.

So, today is the first day of my mini-vacation. I took today and Monday off, so I’m sitting on a 5 day New Year’s weekend. Not doing anything out of the ordinary though. Dart tourneys tonight and Sunday, and a New Year’s eve party at Dolce Vita are about all I have on my agenda.

Been trying to sell my deceased boss’ car for the past couple of months, and finally got a call this morning. So hopefully we will complete the sale on Monday. That will be a worry off my mind.

And that just about brings y’all up to the minute in the exciting world of LTG.

And I hope it is a merry one for each of you.

It really does not feel like Christmas to me at all. I am so far removed from all the traditions I associate with the holiday that I just can’t capture that heart warming spirit. I should have had the foresight to purchase some of my favorite Christmas movies (all oldies, preferably in black and white); they always kinda put me in the Christmas mood. All that I found on Korean TV this morning was “Elf” and some Shrek Christmas show. Alas.

I was out and about last night, but if Santa came through Itaewon he must have missed the bars where I was hanging out. Actually, I started my evening at the Dragon Hill Lodge on base where I went for the crab and shrimp buffet. $21.95 for all you can eat, but I could only manage about ten bucks worth. The crab legs were good, but damn, you have to work so hard to get that morsel of meat that I’m pretty sure you expend more calories extracting than you gain by consuming.

Hit Metro bar where I drank beer and watched music videos on the big screen until midnight. Moseyed over to Dolce to share a Christmas toast with Jim and YJ. Then as I made my way home, I stopped by Manila Bar and wound up hanging out until 0330. Nice crowd, mix of Pinoys, Koreans, and Canadians. The owner did some singing and guitar playing, then a strange brew of karaoke broke out, which was actually pretty entertaining. I eventually contributed my rendition of “500 miles” (yeah, I was drunk enough to sing in public) to which I received a smattering of polite applause.

Then it was home. Today I watched the aforementioned “Christmas” shows, took a nap, and made myself a Christmas dinner of cheesy hashbrowns, courtesy of the folks from Hamburger Helper.

Oddly enough, I am not depressed at all.

For friends and family I send wishes for a joyful Christmas day. You are all in my heart and thoughts today as always.

I didn’t run into any of Santa’s Korean helpers either (I’m sure I would remember that!). However, I bought myself a custom tailored cashmere overcoat as a present to myself. Naturally, the weather has now warmed up (almost 50f today). But I know January is coming…

Pretty quiet weekend here. Friday night some light dart playing at Dolce, then a little dinner at Don Valley, a nice little Korean restaurant I frequent.

Last night had some company over for dinner and some cards. A good time was had by all.

Lazy Sunday, but I did step out to Dolce for a couple of hours of dart practice. Tomorrow is the Dolce Vita Invitational tournament. Top 10 from the Arctic and Pacific Divisions playing head-to-head in a singles double elimination format. I’m seeded 6th, but I feel like I can play with anyone if I am on my game. That’s a big IF however.

A full report will follow.

Yeah baby, my fantasy football team eeked into the playoffs. I started out 0-3 but poured it on in the second half to finish 8-6. Good enough for a wild card spot. And now, anything is possible!

Sweet Life is the name of my team, BTW. It’s a riff on Dolce Vita, my bar home. Yep, I’m nothing if not single minded.

Speaking of which, I ordered some soft tip darts today. Yeah, I said I was quitting after this season, but last week I had a pretty good night (9, 8, and 7 marks) so what the hell. I’m sure having a decent set of darts will make me play like a champion. Or make me a chump. Either way, I guess it is something to pass the time on Thursday.

That’s about it for now. Thanks for dropping by.

Today, I doubled the value of my car. I filled the gas tank. Gas at the AAFES station on post was $3.16 a gallon. Insane. Luckily, I only have to fill up once a month. But still, that was 50 cents a gallon more than last month. What happened to all that oil the liberals say we invade Iraq to get?

I also went to the dentist today. As Dr. Choi reminded me, I hadn’t been for two years. Yeah, my dental hygiene could definitely use some work. It was a little embarrassing to be chided in broken English by a cute hygienist about regular flossing.

I went today because one of my front teeth chipped and it felt like a tooth shard was embedded in my gum. Floss and vigorous brushing wouldn’t dislodge it and it was driving me freakin’ mad. So, I got a good cleaning and the tooth repaired and my wallet lightened to the tune of W200,000. That’s about the same as my bi-weekly bar tab.

And finally, I was reading The Onion today and came upon this article that really hit home for me.

That could have been me! Lord knows, LTG is every bit as insipid. Except without the links and commenters. Oh well, did I mention I’ve got gas?

The Metropolitician quotes King Sejong, the inventor of the Korean written language (Hangul):

As King Sejong said about learning Korean, “a wise man” could allegedly learn it in a day, and even “a fool” could in “a fortnight.” I guess if I’m speaking fluent Korean and the KKK (Korean Keystone Kops) are marveling that I can write what the Korean government always refers to as “the world’s most scientific alphabet” and claims is the “easiest to learn,” that would make me a drooling idiot.

Well, the Metropolitician is quite fluent in the language and if he is considered a drooling idiot, what does that make me?

Motivated to go study for my 3 o’clock lesson, that’s what.

By the way, if you don’t read Michael’s blog, you need to. He is probably the most important voice on race issues and discrimination in Korea. The post I lifted the above quote from is one of a series involving a very unfortunate incident with a drunk Korean and the Korean National Police. Very scary stuff.

Stayed home on Saturday night and chilled by watching some DVDs. As I’ve mentioned previously, I’m pretty much out of touch with the movie world these days, so my purchases tend to be of the hit and miss variety. Don’t know if the overall quality of American cinema is slipping or if I’m just making bad choices in my ignorance.

Anyway, here what I watched:

License to Wed. Starring Robin Williams, Mandy Moore and John Krasinski (the guy from The Office).

This movie was so bad it actually made me cringe. Totally predicable and flat out lame. In addition to bad acting, bad writing, and a storyline that was ridiculously improbable; it just wasn’t funny. Although it tried to be. Too hard. If I hadn’t been too lazy to drag my sorry ass off the couch I would have put in something else one third of the way through. But lord, it was painful to watch.

Reign Over Me. Starring Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle.

Actually, Adam Sandler did a surprisingly good job in a dramatic role. I don’t think it is too much of a spoiler to say he plays a man who lost his wife, three daughters, and his dog during the 9/11 attacks. Cheadle encounters the shell of the man who once was his college roommate and fellow dentist and sets about trying to save him. But Cheadle needed saving himself from the domestic quagmire his seemingly happy married life had become. Quite emotionally intense in places, but I found it pretty moving and well done overall. At least it was worth my time.

Butterfly on A Wheel. Starring Pierce Brosnan, Maria Bello and Gerard Butler (never heard of the last two, have you?).

Well, this story had potential. It was nice to see Brosnan playing the bad guy, and he actually pulled it off. I’m probably going to have a spoiler or two the rest of the way, so proceed at your peril. Butler is married to Bellow and they have a young daughter. Their life at home seems happy enough with outward appearances of love and devotion and all that. Butler is quite an asshole at work, but justifies it as being the survival of the fittest kinda deal. So, Brosnan is laying in wait in the backseat of the couples Range Rover and indicates that the babysitter has their child hostage. If they ever want to see her again, they will do exactly as he says for the next 24 hours. So, he makes them jump through a series of increasingly difficult hoops that pretty much will wind up destroying Butler’s career and puts some strains on the the relationship with the wife.

Now, as the movie progresses you are caught up in why Brosnan’s character is being such an asshole. You think maybe the guy Butler recently screwed over at work is behind it, but you never really know. In the end it turns out the Butler was having an affair with Brosnan’s wife. Ok, maybe I should have seen that coming, but still it worked and he had gotten pretty good revenge. Then they ruined the whole movie by having Bello’s character in on the plot from from the beginning. You know, it just wasn’t believable. Especially when thinking back on the times during the movie when Brosnan and Bello were alone together, but she continued to play the terrified housewife. A plot hole big enough to drive a Mack truck through. I hate being dicked with that way. It actually pissed me off. So, if you did read the spoilers you saved yourself the two hours of life that I’ll never be able to get back. Bleh.

Ok, there you have my movie reviews. And yes, I know. Don’t quit my day job. Got it.

That’s Army talk for After Action Review. Which is what this is.

The Thanksgiving get together at Dolce Vita went extremely well. I was a little nervous about the turnout. We had two big turkeys and lots of side dishes. There was also a similar party going on at the VFW, so I was not sure how many folks would actually show up for our gig. Turns out we had a very full house. In fact, we had 26 folks sign up for the dart tourney, which was our biggest ever. 13 doubles teams playing on four boards in a double elimination format made for a long night, but we had plenty of food and of course Dolce was well stocked with all forms of liquid refreshment.

Lonnie really outdid himself with his contributions to the feast. Made a great green bean casserole, candied yams, tasty stuffing and his famous cheese dip. He topped it off by playing some fine darts and finished 3rd in the tourney.

We also had a little ceremony to honor Jim and YJ (owners of Dolce Vita) and to thank them for their outstanding support of the dart league. The Dolce teams took up a collection and we presented Jim and YJ will an all expense paid trip to JeJudo Island (the Hawaii of Korea, don’t ya know). Kudos to Grant for the idea and handling all the details with the travel agency.

At the tourney I was partnered up with Jesse of Dawg Pound and I just had one of those nights. In our first match I was lucky to get a one mark on most of my throws. So, we got into the the losers bracket right out of the box. We took our next two matches before going down to defeat against Dan and John R. Well, that was good enough for 4th place at least. Alistar from Scotland and Matt took first and shared the W200,000 payoff. Congrats.

My darts were a tad better in the Friday night tourney, taking a first in singles and a first in doubles. My ability to throw consistent darts remains elusive, but if it was easy it wouldn’t be much fun. Or so I keep telling myself.

Anyway, even by my standard the photos I took on Thursday were extremely poor. But by God, I’m going to post them regardless…

Matt carves the bird while Dan helps himself to the scraps. Nothing like teamwork…

Matt is focused on the task at hand…

Result! Two birds carved and ready for consumption.

Tera was the first to arrive and the first through the food line…

And John was not far behind. He’s an English guy, so maybe his distant ancestors were among the Pilgrims who participated in that first Thanksgiving feast. Hey, it could be possible…

So Yung is one of the Dolce bartenders. She rescheduled her day off so she wouldn’t miss out on the Thanksgiving dinner. And she loved my fruit salad so she is obviously a smart gal.

YJ claiming the pecan pie.

Jim and Lonnie.

Grant’s wife Myung Hee and her Canadian friend Margaret.

Now that we are all stuffed with turkey it’s time to get on with the darts. Here Jim collects the entry fees. The bar kicked in W100,000 which made the total purse W360,000. Not bad at all. Although my share of the payout didn’t cover my entry fee. Alas.

Here’s Jun at the oche (the line your foot can’t cross when throwing). Yeah, crappy photo. It’s hard to take a good dart picture because most folks don’t appreciate a flash when they are throwing…

Tom C. is one of the best darters in Itaewon. He taught me a lot about the sport and playing strategically. A great guy and a fine Soldier as well.

All right, I think that about covers it. Hope y’all had a great holiday.

Hard to believe but I am preparing to spend my third Thanksgiving in Korea. Hmm, I guess I’m not preparing at all, Thanksgiving is here regardless of whether I am prepared. So with that profound revelation out of the way we can move on.

Happy Thanksgiving to all Americans, wherever you may be. As a nation we continue to be blessed and on this one day of the year we can set aside the petty politics and give our heartfelt thanks for our freedom, our prosperity, and all the good fortunes that come with our birthright.

As we pause to give our thanks this year, please take time to remember the brave men and women who are guardians of the freedoms we cherish but too often take for granted. For without the sacrifices of our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines all that makes America great would not be possible. “Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” –George Orwell

To all those serving in the military, at home or abroad, I thank you and honor you for your service to our nation.

I am also thankful for my parents, my children, my sweet and beautiful granddaughter, my friends, the people who love me despite myself, my coworkers, and for all the undeserved opportunities that have allowed me to live a comfortable life. My complaints and worries are mere trifles, for I have indeed been blessed beyond all expectations.

So what is on the agenda today? I am going to make my world famous Aunt Pat’s recipe fruit salad. I will bake (i.e. take out of freezer, put in oven) two pumpkin pies and a pecan pie. I will drive to the base and pick up two fully prepared turkey dinners with all the fixin’s. And I will carry this bounty to Dolce Vita for our Thanksgiving celebration and dart tournament.

Yes, we are going to carry out that tradition that started over 300 years ago when the native Americans shared their harvest in a feast with the English pilgrims. And after the meal, the pilgrims taught the indians to play darts. Hey, you can look it up!

Well, I had my Korean lesson last night. Acquired some more verbs. So, let’s see, along with my approximately 200 word vocabulary, I can now use verbs for things like put on (separate ones for clothes, hat/glasses, and shoes and socks), and its useful counterpart “take off”, drink, eat, hear, see, walk, touch, smell, sleep, hot, cold, say, and my personal favorite “hay-yo” (no, I still don’t have Hangul software. Any ideas?). I used “hay-yo” some at work today. Like every time I gave my secretary something to do. I’m told it translates as “do it”. She kinda didn’t like it though. Maybe its rude to give work and say do it? She did say my pronunciation was getting better everyday, so that’s something I guess. Now, if I could actually remember how to say these things without the freaking word staring me in the face I might feel more of a sense of accomplishment. Little by little (heh, poco a poco in Spanish) I suppose.

My lesson is moving from Tuesday to Saturday. I’m usually pretty worn out after work and my tutor is probably tired of me being too brain dead to get the value of her well-prepared lessons. And she really does work hard at teaching me. Always makes up a little game to play using what I learned. You know, just like in kindergarten. Don’t believe me? Check out my workbooks:

Yes indeed. I am the master of my universe. And how many of us get the opportunity to be six years old again?

Anyway, I am reading pretty well, but my comprehension still sucks. It’s funny, I will read something and sound it out (in see Dick run fashion), and be thinking what the hell does that mean? Example, coming home the other day I read the back of the tour bus in front of me. I’m like: Duh ee na stee. Duh ee na stee. No clue. Then I notice the small English lettering underneath: Dynasty. Yeah bud, I’m still pretty much clueless. But I’m trying.

Grocery shopping. Which is not something I would normally do on Saturday. I don’t like to hassle with Itaewon weekend traffic. But apparently at some point on Friday night I agreed to have some friends over for dinner. Which required the unscheduled trip to the commissary.

Actually, traffic wasn’t too bad. But the commissary was packed. The checkout line wrapped almost all the way down the frozen foods section (they use a one line queue system, get to the front of the line and get the next available cashier, which is good because it takes the guesswork out of which lane will move the fastest). It seemed as if everyone with a ration card had decided to do their Thanksgiving grocery shopping at the precise time I made my appearance. So it was pretty much playing shopping cart bumper cars, but what are you gonna do?

You know, Kevin at Hairy Chasms often does photo shoots of some of the delicacies he concocts in his spartan kitchen. The man can definitely cook. As can most of his friends, given the frequency of links to other blogging chefs. I freely admit that I lack all but the most rudimentary culinary skills. It just doesn’t seem fair. No, I don’t mind that I can’t cook. But damn it, I’m trying hard to post something everyday and it just doesn’t seem right that a whole potential category of blogging is denied me. So the hell with that. For your entertainment I offer a photographic record of last night’s adventure in the kitchen. Perhaps you will find beauty in the simplicity of my endeavor. Or not.

My bounty from the commissary.

The ingredients for my dinner party meal.

The appetizers.

The salad.

The side dishes.

The bread.

The meat.

The dessert.

The wine.

Ok, now it is time to get down to business and whip these raw materials into a meal. Pay close attention and perhaps one day you too will be able to experience the miracle of no talent meal preparation.

Pie out of box and onto cookie sheet. Not as simple as it may appear. First I had to consult the internet to discover that 375F equates to 190.56C. With this information in hand I was able to correctly preheat the oven.

Pie is in the oven. You know, situational awareness is the key to success in my kitchen. For example, the pie takes over an hour to bake and then has to cool for two hours. Timing baby. It’s all about timing!

Ok, let’s make a salad. First thing to do is boil them eggs.

Lettuce into bowl. The tricky part here was pouring from the bag while taking the photo with my left hand. It was a struggle, but it worked out.

Cucumber skinned and sliced.

A few carrot slivers or shavings or scrapings (I think learning the cooking lingo is the first step to making people believe you can cook).

Here’s a tip: It ain’t a salad without tomato. You may also be interested to know that the Korean word for tomato is: TOH MAW TOH.

Ok, it is best to let the eggs cool before you attempt to slice them. The yolk was all over the place. Heh, the YOLK was on me! Sorry.

You know, grated cheese is one of those magic ingredients that goes with almost everything. At least almost everything I prepare.

So you put it all together and you shake it all about (have the lid on tight!) and that my friends is a tossed salad. Not real pretty to look at, but tasty. Dressing selections were limited to Italian and blue cheese as I discovered that my thousand island and poppy seed bottles were out of date. I’m a strict adherent to the “use by” date on the label. I think that’s part of being a good citizen. Like not removing the tags from your mattress. Rules are what bind the fabric of society together. Here is where to buy an adjustable bed easily. But you know that already, right?

Did you know that 38% of all accidents in the kitchen are caused by fatigue? You didn’t? Well, then prove that I am wrong! I was exhausted after tossing that salad around, so I took a break for a smoke and coke. And carefully considered my next steps. Planning, people. A good plan will get you where you want to go. A bad plan is defined as a good plan that didn’t work out. Got that?

Ok, back to work. Time to prepare the beef. Yes sir, those are rib eyes. USDA choice cuts. I say if you are going to ruin meat, only the best will do. You know, I bought that cookie sheet when I first moved in only to discover that it is too large for my oven (see the good/bad plan definition above). Well, it is perfect for marinating, so the good plan that went bad worked out good in the end. I think that pretty much sums up the way I’ve lived my life come to think of it.

Another tedious step in the preparation process. Pouring a liquid while holding a camera can be perilous, but using the hand-eye coordination I’ve developed as a darter really paid off and I successfully completed this task.

Pie out of the oven…

…potatoes in. I’ll tell you, sometimes cooking can be like a well-choreographed ballet. Oh yeah, use oven mitts.

Now it is finally time to fire up the grill and cook that sausage. Has anyone been to South of the Border? As Pedro says, you never sausage a place.

The appetizers are ready for consumption. Now comes the hard part.

The garlic bread is ready and waiting to go into the oven currently occupied by the potatoes. The cobbed corn is in the microwave…

…and the steaks are on the grill!

Uh oh! I’m having a little trouble controlling my fire. One of the guests requested well done and damn at this rate it’s gonna be blackened ribeyes for all!

Well, overcooked but edible. The guests were hungry and respectfully requested that I put down the frickin’ camera and let them eat. As a good host I complied with those wishes. And after two bottles of wine and full stomachs everyone decided it was time to hit the Itaewon bars.

And so we did.