The Lost Nomad posted this photo on his site today. It speaks to me on so many levels.

This is really well done. Worthy of the Superbowl…..

Found at It Makes a Difference to the Sheep

Not really. But damn, the Nomad has been posting some fine looking bass on his blog, and well I just figured fishing pictures would be a lot more fun than the crap I have been posting.

So here you go:

Now, just cause you live in the city, don’t mean you can’t find a decent fishin’ hole. You just gotta know where to look. Like this guy….

And look at the size of this one, bigger than a six pack….

Alright, bad humor is better than having bad humor, if you get my meaning….

Angelina Jolie in exchange for North Korean nukes…. It’s a great concept, and would maybe start a trend. Who could we send to Iran?

Via The Marmot’s Hole

But just imagine you do….

Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing.
You’re okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night.
You hear her stumble into bed around 4 a.m.
You wake up the next morning and go outside to the family Volvo,
which she used last night.
You are happy to see it all in one piece.
But ….. Wait a minute…….

Continue reading →

As I said, I bought the Team America: World Police DVD yesterday. Now I can’t get this damn song out of my head…..(let it load then let it rip!)

Warning: Extreme language. It’s the American way! (oh, yeah some of the images are not work safe either)

I got this email entitled “Why I fired my secretary”. Reprinted here as a public service.

A few weeks ago was my birthday and I wasn’t feeling too good that morning.

I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and probably would have a present for me. As it turned out, she didn’t even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday. I thought, well, that’s wives for you, the children will remember….

The children came into breakfast and didn’t say a word. So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent….

As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, “Good morning, Boss. Happy Birthday”. And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.

I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your birthday, let’s go to lunch, just you and me.”

I said, “That’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. “Let’s go!”

We went to lunch. We didn’t go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day. We don’t need to go back to the office, do we?”

I said, “No, I guess not.” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment.”

After arriving at her apartment she said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable”

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake…

… followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our

friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there………..

on the couch………….

naked.

Oh to be a pig (or a lion). Over at Cao’s place you can learn a lot about our wonderful world.

Maybe you have already heard this one, but here it is anyway:

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:

“Talking Dog For Sale.”

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The
guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the lab replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was
pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about
my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country,
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog
would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight
years running.” “But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I
wasn’t getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a
job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering
near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible
dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of
puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the
dog.

“Ten dollars.”

The guy says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar. He didn’t do any of that shit.”

Botta bing!

from Jeff Goldstein.

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.” The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return. Two o’clock and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.

“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

“Now take off my boots.” He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

“Now take off my socks.” He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

“Now take off my skirt.” He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

“Now take off my bra.” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

“Now,” she said, “take off my panties.” By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

Yep, I thought that was funny. So sue me.

Be advised, hormones can strike without warning. For your own protection, I encourage you to click here and learn how to protect yourself.

Don’t blame me, blame it on Flight Pundit. But for him I would NEVER have had cause to post this. Just sayin’.

but worth sharing here on the chance that you haven’t heard it before (and even if you have). As Virginia is my adoptive state, I especially appreciate the sentiment:

When Osama bin Laden died, he was met at the Pearly Gates by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled, “How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!”

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, “You wanted to end our liberties but you failed.”

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, “This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!”

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Osama with a long cane and snarled, “It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence.”

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.

As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Bin Laden wept and said, “This is not what you promised me.”

The Angel replied, “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?”

Via: Powerline

Oh man, I have to got to get me one of these! This video clip is just too damn funny. Go check it out!

A big hat tip and bow to Euro Yank. He rarely disappoints!

UPDATE: And you don’t want to miss this one on Bush’s second term!

Well, I meant to link this earlier but it is technically still V-day in the States, so here it is straight from Osama’s latest video:

“This Feb. 14th on the Western infidels’ calendar, may all Americans receive no valentines from their beloved ones,” bin Laden said. “May the homemade construction-paper mailboxes taped to the desks of the American schoolchildren remain empty, as well. May whomever you ask to ‘bee yours’ tell you to ‘buzz off.'”

Bin Laden called for “romantic humiliation for all Americans of courting and betrothal age.”

“Allah willing, embarrassment and tearful rejection shall rule this day,” bin Laden said. “Paper hearts shall be rent and trod upon, and dreams of love delivered stillborn. Body language shall be misinterpreted, crushes unrequited, and sincere expressions of affection mocked. Invitations to dinner will be rejected, just as Americans have rejected Allah, the one true God.”

There’s more where that came from over at the Onion. It’s all pretty funny.

My Valentine’s Day was yesterday, but it was all very low key. I was in the first day of a mandatory three day “new arrival” orientation, and it was pretty awful for the most part. After work, I did my laundry, ordered bbq ribs from room service, and fell asleep watching “Down with Love” on one of AFN’s movie channels. What can I say, these days my life is just full of romance!

Ok, I know I have been long on “humor” and short on substance here for awhile, but I just don’t want to think about nukes in the DPRK right now. Instead here is a little Johnny joke I found over at More Sense Than Money. Mrs. LTG is a master of the little Johnny genre and I thought of her when I read this one:

Little Johnny’s neighbors had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital,
Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and
explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned
anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the
spanking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said, “What a beautiful baby.”
The mother said, “Why, thank you, Little Johnny.”
Johnny said, “He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes.”
“Can he see?” asked Little Johnny.
“Yes”, the mother replied, “we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.”
“That’s great”, said Little Johnny, “cuz he’d be shit outta luck if he needed glasses.”

All right, everyone is now invited to share their favorite little Johnny joke in the comments section. And Carol, I expect at least one from you (it can be an old one, how about your personal favorite?)

Afterthought/disclaimer: This joke is not exactly PC, and I hope no one takes offense. Little Johnny mocks everyone and everything, an equal opportunity offender if you will.

A fun look at the world through the joy of cow ownership. Over at The Wide Awakes.