Avery is the sweet girl second from the left. She is the daughter of my second wife and I am the only father she has known. Which is a shame because I have not been a good example of fatherhood for any of my children, but I have been especially neglectful of her. After the divorce I moved to Virginia and I drifted out of her life, seeing her on rare occasions but not ever being there for her. She always remained part of the family, especially with her brother and sister in South Carolina, but my emotional distance far exceeded the miles between us.

And no words here can ever make that right. In a lifetime of too many regrets, hurting her is one of the things I am most ashamed of.

She is an amazing young woman. Smart as hell, adventurous, compassionate, with a zeal for living life to its fullest and making the world around her a better place. I have always been extremely proud of her, even if I never adequately conveyed that to her. She is truly one of a kind and although I get none of the credit for the extraordinary woman she grew up to be, I am grateful that she is my daughter.

She recently graduated from university in Hawaii and I offer her my belated congratulations. I have no doubt that she will leave her mark on the world and touch many lives in a positive way. We share a spirit of wanderlust and I know she will make the most of her life experience on whatever path she chooses.

Words are just words. Yet I hope that in her heart she will sense all the love and respect this flawed man she calls Dad holds for her.

Another recent change in my work life was the loss of Corine Rodriguez. No, she didn’t do anything as dramatic as dying, but her returning to the U.S. has been devastating nonetheless. Yes, she is that good.

Corine accepted a big promotion with the Army Corps of Engineers in Washington, DC. I can’t fault her for that, especially when she gave me 2 1/2 years of devoted service. And she was lonely here and missed her family. So, it was the saddest of all the many partings I’ve experienced here. Yes, I miss having the go to person on my staff who I could rely on to get the job done right. But she was also my friend and a trusted confidant. As she said when she left, “you are going to miss having a big sister around”. ‘Tis true, ’tis true.

I’ve actually known Corine professionally for many years. We both spent the majority of our careers with the Postal Service. She was one of the few people at Postal Headquarters I could call on and get a straight answer. When I left the States she came to my going away party and I think we both figured it was the last time we would ever see each other. So, I was pleasantly surprised when she applied for a vacancy on my team six months later. Of course, I had the good sense to snatch her up, and her outstanding work made me look like a genius.

She headed up our transformation to the new National Security Personnel System, a major initiative that was extremely high profile. One of those projects that require frequent interaction with command leadership, including the Commanding General. Well, she is quite the charmer, and LTG Valcourt was impressed enough by her performance to present her with one of his coins and the Superior Civilian Service Award.

Corine getting pinned by the CG

The medal presentation took place at the weekly Battle Staff meeting, so all the brass on the Korean Peninsula was in attendance (live or via VTC). Corine told General Valcourt “now I have medals too, just like you!”. Which was funnier live than I make it sound here.

Anyway, Corine did Korea right. Made many friends, was active in church and the community, and did a fair amount of traveling. So she took many fine memories home with her.

Here’s an example of the kind of person Corine is. One weekend per month she spent baking boxes and boxes of cookies to send to our troops in Iraq. And the letters she got back in thanks were always quite moving. The 8th Army Chief of Staff recognized her with an award for Patriotic Civilian Service. She cried when she received it and said later it meant more to her than the Superior Civilian Service Award because this one was about doing something for others. I had the honor of preparing her nomination package for the Chief and this is what I wrote:

Justification for Certificate of Appreciation for Patriotic Civilian Service

The vast majority of Americans are justifiably proud to say “I support our troops”. Perhaps too few of us put forth the effort to demonstrate that support in a tangible way. That has not been the case for Corine Rodriguez, also known affectionately by many Soldiers in Iraq as the “Korea cookie lady”. Each month for nearly two years Ms. Rodriguez has taken it upon herself to prepare several large boxes of fresh baked cookies to send to the troops serving on the front lines of the Global War on Terror. She does this at a considerable expenditure of her personal time, money, and effort. She often jokes that she expects the “ration control police” to knock on her door inquiring about the vast amounts of butter she has purchased at the commissary. Her reward has been many cards and letters from Soldiers expressing appreciation for Ms. Rodriguez’ generosity, her baking talent, and most importantly how much it meant to them to be remembered. Without fail, these brave men and women also thanked Ms. Rodriguez for her service in support of the Army on “Freedom’s Frontier” in Korea.

Perhaps this story best illustrates the far reaching positive impact Ms. Rodriguez’ gifts from the heart have had on the welfare of Army personnel in Iraq. Recently, while TDY in Atlanta, DHRM Director Sharon Alsop was chatting with a Soldier who was returning from leave to Iraq. She mentioned that COL Kidd, the former 8th Army Chief of Staff, was also serving in Iraq. The Soldier responded that he was working for COL Kidd. He then asked if Ms. Alsop knew the “cookie lady” from Korea, and when she responded that Ms. Rodriguez worked for her, the Soldier talked at great length about how everyone always looked forward to those boxes of cookies, how fast they disappeared, and how much it meant to the troops that she worked so hard on their behalf.

Sometimes the smallest gesture or act of kindness can have a tremendous impact on the morale of those serving under the harshest of conditions. Ms. Rodriguez’ generosity of spirit exemplifies how civilians can make positive contributions to the well being of our armed forces. Her dedication and initiative clearly warrants the honor and recognition associated with the Certificate of Appreciation for Patriotic Civilian Service.

PROPOSED CITATION

Certificate of Appreciation for Patriotic Civilian Service is awarded to:

Corine T. Rodriguez

In recognition of her contributions to the morale and welfare of our troops serving in Iraq. Each month for nearly two years, Ms. Rodriguez, also known as the “Korea cookie lady”, has taken it upon herself to prepare several large boxes of fresh baked cookies to send to the troops serving on the front lines of the Global War on Terror. She does this at a considerable expenditure of her personal time, money, and effort. Ms. Rodriguez’ generosity exemplifies patriotic civilian service in support of the mission, Army values, and the well being of our Soldiers.

Corine Rodriguez: A great employee, a wonderful person, and the best “big sister” I ever did have.

I wrote an obituary today for the Army Civilian Human Resources Bulletin.

Here it is:

It is with sadness and regret that we note the passing of Mr. Walter E. Washington, Deputy Director, Directorate of Human Resources Management, Eighth United States Army. Mr. Washington died 29 October 2007 following a long and courageous battle with cancer.

Mr. Washington had served as the DHRM Deputy Director since 2003. His outstanding leadership, dedication, and technical expertise will be sorely missed throughout the command. His many contributions were recently recognized by the 8th Army Commanding General with the presentation of the Superior Civilian Service Award.

Mr. Washington began his civilian personnel career at San Diego, California as a Department of the Navy Intern with Naval Air Station, North Island. After completing his internship, he served as a Position Classification Specialist with Commander U.S. Naval Forces, Japan in 1985. Between 1986 and 1999, Mr. Washington held the positions of Chief, Integrated Wage and
Classification Branch; Chief, U.S. Staffing Branch; and Chief, Operations Division, Human Resources Office, Commander U.S. Naval Forces, Japan. In October 1999, Mr. Washington transferred to the Korea Region Civilian Personnel Operations Center, Taegu, Korea as a Personnel Staffing Specialist and in March 2001, he transferred to the Directorate of Human Resources Management, Eighth US Army as a Human Resources Management Specialist.
Mr. Washington was promoted to Deputy in November 2003.

Mr. Washington’s legacy lives on through the many people he helped and mentored throughout his long and successful career. His peers and coworkers will always remember him for his professionalism, honesty, guidance, and friendship.

Walt was my boss. He had the confidence to select me to work in an important position even though I had no Army or DoD experience. We worked closely together on many issues and he really helped me learn and understand military culture and protocol.

When I first arrived in Korea he and his lovely wife Miseon had me to their home for dinner and really helped me feel welcome. I also attended his “Korean” wedding (they had been married several months earlier in the States). Here’s a picture from those happier days:

Walt had first been diagnosed with bone cancer about ten years ago. He had a successful bone marrow transplant and had been in remission. Last year the cancer came back. We all encouraged him to return to the U.S. for treatment, but he was a stubborn cuss. So, he began treatment at a Korean hospital and it wasn’t pretty. Lots of communication issues and drug therapy with side effects that sometimes seemed worse than the cancer. Even as we watched his condition steadily deteriorate, he and Miseon were convinced that he would beat the cancer. Yes, they were in complete denial, but the strength of their faith was quite inspirational. Walt was no quitter, that’s for sure. Whenever he could manage it he kept coming to work, despite his obvious pain and discomfort.

I don’t know why he kept holding on. He was eligible to retire. He had a beautiful young wife who all but worshiped him, but maybe work was his lifeline and he wasn’t ready to let it go.

I was in Busan in early October and got a call on my cellphone from Miseon. Walt had taken a turn for the worse and the drugs were making him hard to control. The doctors said there was nothing more they could do and suggested he return to the States for treatment that was not available in Korea.

It turns out it is very difficult to get a civilian medically evacuated. After several days of dead ends we finally found a “legal” to fly him and Miseon to North Carolina for treatment at Duke University Hospital. I saw them the day before they flew and they both were optimistic that this new drug program would work or that he could get a second marrow transplant. Miseon called after they arrived and was very excited because the Duke people were so caring and had assigned a team of doctors just for him. They had run many tests and she was certain he would be getting better soon.

Two days later she called after getting the test results. The cancer had spread throughout his body and there was nothing they could do for him. They said at most he had days or weeks to live. Miseon was devastated.

Walt died less than two weeks later, one month shy of his 57th birthday. Corine (a coworker who took a job in DC last month) represented the DHRM staff at the funeral. His Superior Civilian Service Award citation was read during the service, and Corine pinned the medal on Walt.

So, that was that. I have been doing Walt’s job and mine these past few months and it looks like I will be “promoted” into the Deputy position permanently (I was a GS-14 before coming to Korea and can be placed non-competitively). Miseon is back in Korea and I am trying to sell Walt’s car for her. And life goes on for the rest of us.

Even Kermit the Frog.

And my good friend Jenn.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Merry Christmas to each and everyone!

Here’s some photos from my Christmas in Virginia:

The tree.

Preparing the feast.

Well, Carol SAID she liked her present…

Nolan definitely liked his…

Ashley and son-in-law Michael with some of their bounty.

Nolan and I have already been practicing our darts.

The old homestead decked out for the holiday.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care…

Ok, that’s probably enough for now. Weather has been in the 50s, much warmer than Seoul. Leaving tomorrow for South Carolina to spend time with the parents, kids and that sweet granddaugther.

I’ll be back.

To all my friends in Korea, Merry Christmas!

I will do a Christmas post from home when Christmas arrives here tomorrow. Just wanted to let y’all know I’m thinking of you.

Ah yes, All Hallow’s Eve. I sure wish I could see this little trick-or-treater at my door this year. Ain’t she sweet in that poodle skirt? Yep, that’s my little Gracie.

UPDATE: And what would Halloween be without some good ol’ fashion pumpkin carving?

I’m getting ready to head out Incheon International Airport to pick up my son Nolan. He plans to stay for about a month, but he’s welcome to stay longer if he likes it. This is my first visitor from the States so I’m pretty excited about getting to introduce him to Korea (or at least the little piece of it I know).

I’ve already bought him some darts ’cause you know he is gonna have to be doin’ that if he wants to hang with me. I haven’t made many other plans as yet. I know I’m going to take him to the War Museum because I want him to understand the history of why we are here. Then we will do the DMZ tour which I think is a must see for everyone who comes to this country. Nowhere else like that on Earth. I also want to take a trip with him on the KTX, don’t know where yet. Maybe just a day trip.

Otherwise I’m open to suggestions. Any ideas?

Oh, by the way, he’s 22. I expect he’ll find some things he wants to do that are more his age appropriate, but for that he’s on his own.

For the next 11 days I can enjoy basking in the knowledge that you are X1 and I am only X0. I’m trying to be discreet about your age dear, but whatever the number, you are one sexy grandma.
Love you!

Today my son turns 28. Amazing, especially since I am only 30. Ok, time’s marching forward for all of us. Kevin is a very special young man and by the only measure of success that matters he has accomplished much. Because he is loved.

Sorry I can’t be there to celebrate. Instead I will cherish the memory of the day he was born. I was there in the delivery room to watch him enter this world and the feeling was overwhelming when I first saw my little boy.

Over the years I never really made it easy for him, but he has always been a source of pride and joy in my life. The greatest pleasure of being a parent is seeing your child become the vision of what you hoped and dreamed they would be. Kevin is a good man. As much as he is loved and respected by those who know him, he returns in spades by being a loyal friend, a loving husband, and someone who cares about making a difference in the lives he touches. When your son becomes the kind of person you would like to be its an amazing thing to behold.

Kevin, my wish for you today is that you will know and appreciate all that makes you special. It is easy to get caught up in the race to achieve your full potential. But remember to enjoy the moment that is now and to savor all the wonderful blessings in your life. You done good, son. I love you.

…is my two front teeth…

Anyone remember that song? Well, my sweet granddaughter Gracyn already has hers. At least her baby ones. Ain’t she a doll?

Thirty years ago today my life changed in an amazing way. I became a father. And I experienced a love that perhaps I was unprepared for, but it has made all the difference. I cannot fathom what would have become of me without that joy and responsibility a helpless little baby girl brought into my world. I have not made many great choices in my life, but the decision to hold on to that tiny bundle of love more than makes up for all the other mistakes.

I was not a great father, nor can I take much credit for the wonderful young woman Renee has become. But that special love that overwhelmed me when I first saw her that afternoon all those years ago has been our bond and has sustained me through the good times and bad.

And now my little girl is the mother of her own daughter. And I see in her eyes the love she has for Gracyn is a reflection of the love I have always felt for her. But more than that, I see in my daughter the love of all those who have loved her and shaped her and guided her on her journey through life. Bridget and Beckie and Carol. Grandma and Grandpa. Pernie.

The love you give a child is a timeless thing. It is the essence of life, and to watch this miracle unfold in all its glory is the true joy and reward of parenthood.

I got more than I ever gave, and on this special day I feel truly blessed.

Happy Birthday, daughter. I love you.

One of the best parts of my trip home was meeting my granddaughter Gracyn for the first time. She is a real sweetheart and had a nice smile for her granddad.

Here’s one of Gracyn with her Great Grandmothers…..

The proud parents, Mark and Renee…

And here she is with me. She has a good grip on my thumb, but I wasn’t going to drop her….

Well, I heard from daughter Hillary. I’d been worried about her after hearing about the mortar attack that killed two soldiers and wounded five yesterday in Afghanistan.

She assured me she was alright, and hadn’t even heard about the casualties. She said things were going well, but she is looking forward to the end of her deployment next month. She said the most danger she had personally experienced was from the poisonous snakes laying about the countryside. After nearly stepping on one last month, she got her first kill. This time she captured one of those terrorist vipers and sent me a photo:

She’s quite the snake charmer, isn’t she?

And coincidentally I also got a package from her today. It is a flag that flew over her compound along with a beautiful certificate that says:

So that all shall know, this flag was flown in the face of the enemy, and bears witness to the American endeavor to eradicate terrorist forces threatening the freedom of the United States of America and the World. This flag was flown on May 13, 2005. OPERATION ENDURING FREEDOM

It’s the coolest gift I ever received. I’m getting the flag and certificate framed and will post a picture when its done.

Thanks, SGT. I love you, be safe.

Surprise, it’s me. I’ve missed y’all, and I appreciate your patience and understanding as I work through some changes. Anyway, notwithstanding the fact that I have not been posting on my blog, I have maintained my morning ritual of reading blogs. And I came across an interesting tidbit today that I thought worthy of sharing.

Here’s the teaser:

We tend to remember slights and frustrations more than favors and kindnesses. So inevitably in a marriage the weight of negative remembrances of things past comes to exceed that of the positive. Divorce is the result.

The secret to a good marriage, therefore is selective forgetfulness. Coincidentally some psychologists have recently come to the same conclusion. The couples who stay together are the delusional ones – the ones who look at their past with rose-colored glasses.

And you can read the rest here.

So, what do YOU think?

Via Marginal Revolution

Let me show off my new granddaughter:

Ain’t she sweet?

Congratulations Mark and Renee!

I can hardly wait to hold that cute little thing….

Mom, Renee, and Carol you are all in my thoughts today. Hope your day was a happy one. Miss and love you all.