Born and raised in southern California. My career exodus has taken me to Arizona, Oklahoma, Arkansas, South Carolina, Virginia, and Washington, DC. And as of 23 January 2005, Seoul, Korea. Married with 6 grown children (blended family). First grandchild is in the oven! I created this blog to document my adventures as an expat living and working in Korea. I'm also pretty confident that I will on occasion feel the need to express my views on current events and other matters I find of interest.
It is funny what pops up in your email. Even funnier that perfect strangers happen upon my blog and find it somehow worthy of their attention. Hell, I am thrilled when someone takes the time to leave a comment. But sending a warm and thoughtful email actually inspired (guilted?) me into posting some new crap here. Here’s what Michael from Sarasota had to say:
hi John,
I wanted to write you a quick email. I have been periodically reading your blog over the last couple years. You have a really great way of bringing your experiences to life on the computer. I wanted to tell you though, that something odd has happened to me. Let me explain.
I am American. I left the U.S. and went on a year+ long journey around the world when I was 19-20. When I was done, I settled in Germany for 4 years. There I would meet my Japanese wife. Other great adventures ensued. in 2001 I returned to the US and I now live in Florida. Knowing this is important to understand the point I will now make.
On my journey and subsequent life in Germany I was quite a writer. I have books and books of handwritten journals. At one point I bought a typewriter and then it REALLY poured out of me. It was really something. All the way up until the completion of my life in Germany, I wrote a lot. Then, upon my return to the US, my writing stopped. I really felt like I didn’t have much to write anymore. Since I have been back in the US, I have made some attempts at writing but it is weird. I just don’t have much to write about.
Then I began to understand why. Living away from the US allowed me a great amount of anonymity. It allowed me an identity that was very well defined my my “foreiner” status. I was the guy from New York, or i was the tourist, etc. People regard Americans with a certain courtesy around the world, politics aside. I really liked that status. That special status made me feel like I really had a genuine story to tell, like Captain Ahab.
Now I live in Florida and life is great. It is warm, there are beaches, life is easy. The only problem is that I don’t have anything to write about because I have melted back into the sea of my countrymen. I hope that you enjoy your “gaijin” or “gwailo” status in Korea and reap the unique benifits it has to offer. Reading your blog really puts be back into my traveled life and brings that other dimension I have described here.
Just thought you’d like to know,
Michael
Thanks for that Michael. Your words reminded me that I am in fact having a great adventure, and it only stops being so when I allow myself to take things here for granted. So, I will try a little bit harder to make each day meaningful, even in the most simple or mundane things I might chance to encounter.
And who knows? Maybe I will even get off (or technically on) my lazy ass and write about them.
Going through some of my email archives and came across this:
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ZEN FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY
1. Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set.
2. A Day Without Sunshine is Like, Night.
3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers..
4. I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Wasn’t Familiar Territory.
5. 42.7% Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The Spot.
6. Light Travels Faster Than Sound, Which Is Why Some People Appear
Bright Until You Hear Them Speak.
7. I Feel Like I’m Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe.
8. Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.
9. Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below Average.
10. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest.
11. Depression Is Merely Anger Without Enthusiasm.
12. The Early Bird May Get The Worm, But The Second Mouse Gets The
Cheese.
13. I Drive Way Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol.
14. Support Bacteria. They’re The Only Culture Some People Have.
15. Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend 1/7 Of Your Week.
16. A Clear Conscience Is Usually The Sign Of A Bad Memory.
17. Change Is Inevitable, Except From Vending Machines.
18. Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It’ll Be A Great Trade!
19. Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow.
20. Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It!
21. If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing A Couple Of Payments.
22. How Many Of You Believe In Psycho-Kinesis? Raise My Hand.
23 . Ok,…. So What’s The Speed Of Dark?
24. How Do You Tell When You’re Out Of Invisible Ink?
25. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have Obviously Overlooked
Something.
26. When Everything Is Coming Your Way, You’re In The Wrong Lane.
27. Hard Work May Pay Off In The Future. Laziness Pays Off Now.
28. Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Do Not Have Film.
29. If Barbie Is So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends?
30. How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without Sponges?
31. Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Do Not Get Sucked Into Jet Engines.
32. What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?
33. I Used To Have An Open Mind But My Brains Kept Falling Out.
34. I Couldn’t Repair Your Brakes, So I Made Your Horn Louder.
35. Why Do Psychics Have To Ask You For Your Name?
36. Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person Wondering What
Happened.
37. Just Remember – If The World Did Not Suck, We Would All Fall Off.
I’m thinking after my previous post I should reassure the world that I have not lost my sense of humor. Which is a good thing seeing as how often my life feels like a joke. Ha Ha!
No idea what is wrong with me or why I have lost the desire to blog.
Well, I guess I do have an idea.
I am feeling a bit disconnected from everything and everyone in the world. And what is left isn’t all that interesting to me, so I can’t imagine why it would be to any intrepid visitor who might somehow come across this weary blog.
This is the life I have chosen. And that nearly everyone I care about has found me unworthy for living this way only underscores the isolation. But yes, I take full responsibility for my decisions. And I acknowledge my selfishness is choosing to seek meaning in my life rather than living as others would have me to do.
So there it is. Turn your back if you must. I never asked for understanding anyway. And I won’t ask for what I cannot give.
No idea why I can’t get motivated to post more often. But here’s an update on what’s happening:
Work has been intense of late. Had an interesting opportunity to do some advocacy yesterday. A SOFA Special Committee is reviewing the removal action against one of our Korean employees. I presented management’s arguments. The SC is composed of a Colonel and a GS-15 on the US side, and a Director at the ROK Ministry of Labor and a university professor on the Korean side. I was in there three hours and several more on preparation, but I think it went well overall. The MOL represenative was a young female lawyer and she asked some tough questions, which I think I parried reasonably well. During a break she complimentated my “passion” for the case. At least I think it was a compliment. Everything was done through interpreters which I am not really used to doing. I think our interpreter had a hard time with me because I tend to talk fast anyway, and I would give longish responses to questions without pausing to let her catch up. Oh well, it was an experience for sure.
My dart team finished in first place during league play, and playoffs start Monday. Our top player, Petro, is moving back to the states so we won’t have him for the championship game if we progress that far (which I expect we will).
I achieved my goal of a top ten finish (7th). Playing “A” division was a challenge for me and I suffererd through a big mid-season slump. Throwing a little better now, I just need to keep my head in the game and play with a little more confidence.
Had a little go-awaying get together for Petro at Hooters in Apuejeong on Tuesday. Drank lots of beer and had a pretty nice time. Stayed out too late for a work night, but it was worth it.
Sad to say, that’s about all I have to report. Hmm, maybe this is why I haven’t been posting much lately…
Heh, this is not a post about how frequently I have been posting lately.
Saturday night I went out to Apeujong and experienced a great Jazz club named, you got it, Once in a Blue Moon. Damn, I was impressed. Talented group of Koreans playing some fine jazz tunes. The singer was really amazing, especially when she did the thing with her voice to make it sound like a trombone. The trumpet player hit all the notes, but you know, it wasn’t from the soul if you get my meaning. But really, that’s the strongest criticism I can muster about the experience.
Had a nice 7 course dinner that was 70,000W, but it was tasty. Drinks were expensive as you might expect, but given the level of entertainment, I deemed it worth it.
So, if you are looking for a nice place to hear some live Jazz, then check out Once in a Blue Moon.
Geez, where does the time get to anyway? It’s been awhile since I’ve posted I know, but sometimes it’s just a struggle to post when there ain’t nothin’ new to say. But yeah, I’m doing alright. I know when the the long lost Nomad inquires about my whereabouts it’s time to check in.
Since my return from the Philippines, it has been work and darts. Work has been hectic and stressful, and there does not appear to be much relief in sight. In fact, my boss will likely be leaving this summer and she is already lobbying me to take her job. But at this stage in my career, I’m focused on retiring, not climbing the ladder of “success”. Still, I prefer to control my destiny and I may wind up taking the job as a preemptive measure–I don’t want to work for an asshole and the only sure way to avoid that is to be the boss. We’ll see.
I’ve had a rough spell with my dart game as well. Just playing horrible the past few weeks. I’m sure the problem is in my head. I just haven’t been playing with confidence and I have been a little intimidated by the “A” division competition. I’ve been working on it though and this past week I’ve shown signs of breaking out of the slump. I had an 8-1 showing on Monday night, and won a couple of the Dolce tourneys, so I’ve just got to keep it going.
Ok, I promised to post about my trip to the Philippines. I had a great time, mostly. I really did not like Manila at all. What a shithole. The traffic made Seoul seem sane (which it is not). It was dirty and the poverty was right up close and personal. I mean Christ, landing at the airport you fly over a shanty town along the riverbank that is like something out of National Geographic. No way I could live there.
I spent a few days in Angeles City as well. It is one big party town, like Itaewon on speed. Lots of bars with young women dancing in skimpy attire. I was bored with that after the first day. Fortunately I met a couple of Americans staying in my hotel and we hung out together. Days at the pool, and at night we went to this country bar with a great live band. So, while I wound up having fun in Angeles, it is not the kind of town I would call home.
From there I flew to Cebu City. Yes, that was much more likely. Comparatively clean and modern. The poverty is there, but it is not so much in your face. I hired a cab one day to show me around and really got a good feeling about the place. More to see in Philippines before I make any decisions, but Cebu is a definite possibility.
One thing I learned is not to travel to a predominately Catholic country during the Holy Days. I arrive on Maudy Thursday which of course preceded Good Friday. Everything was closed up tight, including the bar I had read about on the internet and wanted to visit. So, it was a little boring since there wasn’t much to do but hang out at the pool bar. Still, a good trip and I hope to return soon.
Didn’t take a lot of pictures, but here are a few:
Angeles City street scene with the ever present Jeepney’s…
Fields Avenue, the main drag in Angeles. If this seems a little third world, you should see the back streets.
This is where I stayed. The room was a bit dated, but clean. Great pool and great breakfast buffet. I’d stay there again.
Ok, these next pictures are all from my tour of Cebu and the surrounding environs. This one is of Fort San Pedro, built by the Spanish in 1590 (if memory serves). One thing I found somewhat surprising is that despite being a Spanish colony for over 300 years, there was not much Spanish influence in the culture. Certainly not as much as you see in other former colonies.
Fort San Pedro had some interesting flora and fauna. If you are interested in that kind of thing. I’m basically not.
But I did enjoy the view.
This is along the top of whatever you call the walls of a fort.
Oh yeah, did I mention that the Philippines is quite tropical? It was March and I was wearing shorts and was on the edge of being uncomfortably warm. But I expect it was because I was acclimated to the rather harsh Korean winter I had just left.
Not sure if this is going to be readable on the blog, but it is the story of Magellan’s Cross. Yes, this is the spot where he planted the seeds of Christianity in the PI. A few days later a local tribal chieftain named Lapu Lapu had had about enough of Magellan and his merry troop and dispatched them to the great hereafter rather violently.
The above referenced cross of the ill-fated Magellan.
Next stop on my tour was Beverly Hills. Yes, there is a Beverly Hills in Cebu City. It is a big gated community where the well to do live. I understand there are expats living there as well, but I did not encounter any. Anyway, it was quite pretty.
Within the Beverly Hills compound is a huge Taoist Temple. My lack of photography skills prevented me from finding an angle that really captured its enormity. So, this will have to do.
The Temple had lots of cool stuff like this.
I don’t know if the Taoists call this a pagoda or not. That’s what I’m calling it though.
I have no concept or understanding of Taoist beliefs. So, no clue what these figurines represent. Other than a photo op for me.
Apparently fishing is revered amongst those who practice the Tao faith. I guess the Nomad would appreciate that.
Lots of these dragons hanging about as well.
I had to climb a gazillion steps to get to the Temple proper. I was rewarded with a nice view of Beverly Hills though…
If they day comes that I am able to retire, and if the place I retire is the Philippines, and if I choose Cebu City, and if I decide to live in Beverly Hills, then I ‘m thinking this house would be a comfortable abode. No, I didn’t price anything specific, but my internet searches have convinced me I could find something similar for no more than $200,000.
You know, when you travel people invariably ask about the local cuisine. This place is fairly typical of the dining establishments I saw. To be truthful, I wasn’t that adventurous when it came to eating out. Mostly just what I could get in the hotel or sandwich type places. I guess the only “real” Filipino food I tried was the Jollibees. (A fast food chain that pinoys are crazy about for some reason).
So, I asked my taxi guy Fredo to show me around Mactan Island next. That is where the resorts are and many expats call it home. I tried to catch a picture of Cebu Bay as we crossed the bridge, but got this San Miguel sign instead. I drank a lot of San Miguel during my visit.
So this is the best I could do at capturing Cebu Bay. Fredo drives pretty fast.
I really wasn’t that impressed with Mactan Island. I saw a lot of poverty and it just wasn’t as clean and modern as Cebu City. We did stop for lunch at this resort on the water. Lots of people come to the PI for the scuba diving. I don’t scuba myself of course, as I find my breathing is easier above the water.
And the water was definitely clear. Not sure this picture captures that, but I hadn’t seen water this nice since the Bahamas. Nice as blue, but crystal clear.
Hot day + holiday weekend = lots of people enjoying a nice swim.
This is my driver Fredo. Nice guy. It was kinda funny how we met. My first night in town he was the first cab in line at the hotel taxi stand. I said I wanted to go to Lonestar (the bar I had read about) and he said the bars would be closed. I (being an expert after one hour in town) assured him he was wrong. He wasn’t. He did eventually find a place that was open so I could quench my craving for a San Miguel. Anyway, a couple of days later when I was ready for my tour, Fredo was the first cab in the taxi stand again. We both thought that quite the coincidence. He wound up taking me to the airport as well, but that was by arrangement.
We both ordered the barbeque chicken. This is what it looked like half way through. Not bad. I mean, I eat chicken on a stick from the street vendors in Itaewon pretty often. This was comparable. Yeah, I’m such a gourmet.
Ok, that’s my report from the Philippines. I’ll try to do better about keeping y’all up to speed on my many “adventures” here in Korea.
Well today I had the singular experience of a colonoscopy. The worst part was fasting for 36 hours. The other part might have been worse, but they gave me some real good drugs and I apparently snored through most of the procedure. They removed 3 polyps which they will biopsy. The Doc said the color was good so just expected good results. I will know where things stand definitively in a couple of weeks.
So after exiting surgery I had a double Whopper, fries, coke, and large chocolate milkshake. Ah much better. The only side effect of the procedure so far is uncontrolled flatulance. Which should makes darts tonight rather interesting. I don’t fill drugged up now, but I was warned to avoid alcohol and not to drive for 24 hours. But I will drive to work tomorrow anyway. May or may not avoid beer tonight.
I still need to report on my trip to the Philippines. Will do so this week. Promise.
Making my first journey to the Philppines tomorrow. ‘Bout time after three years in Asia to see some of it besides Korea. I’ll be seeing the Subic Bay area, Manila, and Cebu this trip. If I find my way to an internet cafe I may do a post during the trip, otherwise ya just gotta wait till I get back home. Only gonna be gone a week, but damn, I need this vacation.
Well, my son Kevin turns 30 years old today. Which makes us exactly the same age. Although he is 30 in mind AND body. So this post is for him.
Turning 30 is a good thing, son. A whole ‘nother world of possibilities await you. To me, it is the real beginning of adulthood. I hope you don’t feel like you are getting too old to achieve your dreams.
I guess the other thing I would tell you is too hold fast to what you value most in life. You have a beautiful wife who loves you and that is a bigger treasure than you may realize. Richness is not always about money.
Although I’m not around to be offering fatherly advice (which I probably wouldn’t be good at if I was around), I trust I can serve as an example to you. A bad example, it’s true, but an example nonetheless. I hope you will reflect on my many mistakes in life and resolve yourself to be a better man than I was.
I have always been prouder of you than know. Nothing would make me prouder than seeing you live a happy and fulfilling life, surrounded by the many people who love you.
We had the mid-season tourney this weekend. I was teamed up with Natalie and we played tough but didn’t place. The highlight for me was throwing a ton-80. Of course, in the next round I got to experience the flipside when Chris B. threw a ton-80 against us. As you might expect, we tied for the high-out and had a nine dart shoot out. Which I took 267-262 and resulted in my walking away with W10,000. Hey better than getting poked in the eye with a bounce out. Which I’ve never seen happen, but you never know. Heh, I guess it could be the last thing you ever saw, especially if you are blind in one eye. Which I’m not.
Last night in league play we had the White Horse guys from Blue Frog. An all Korean team that has some pretty tough players, including my bud Jin Jun and Mr. Lee. We won the match 23-8. I threw ok, going 5-4 but was limited to two 5-marks and a 3BC. So, three marks in 9 legs shows that I am still off my game. I’m just not throwing with much confidence right now, and more than halfway through the season I should be over my “A” division jitters. Of course, week in and week out I am facing much stronger competition. But, when I lose I am losing ugly. Meaning I am beating myself more than I am being beat, if you get my meaning.
Nothing to do but suck it up and keep on throwing.
Well, seeing the hypocrite Obama Hussein, er, Hussein Barack, um, well, you know that guy with three years of Senate experience who thinks he should be the leader of the free world, squirm over the NAFTA kerfluffle is quite entertaining.
So, the plan is to mend our relations with the world by unilaterally repudiating a multilateral treaty? Yeah, that will work. And I guess not being a lying politician (sorry for the redundancy) isn’t the kind of change Mr. Obama is talking about. Hell, I already had him pegged for a Carter-like weasel anyway.
No, what has been great has been the reaction up north. Our Canadian cousins are calling Barack out on his double talking, and the Obama-maniacs are taking it rather poorly. Noam Scheiber, Obama’s chief economist, wonders: What is it with these Canadians? Are they running some sort of entrapment operation up there? Why do they keep trying to torpedo Democratic candidates?”
HaHa! Yeah, just what are those wacky Canucks up too? Trying to get McCain elected?
Based on my extensive experience with the people of the Great White North, I’ll be happy to answer Scheiber’s question. All understanding about Canadians are based on based on three very simply rules of thumb:
1) Canadians are the most polite people on earth. Really, compared to Americans, it’s just embarrassing at times. Canadians never lose their temper in meetings, ever. This is deceptive, however, because…..
2) Canadians are also the most passive-aggressive nationality on earth. For their entire lives, Canadians have had to cope with the fact that everyone assumes they’re essentially just like Americans — including Americans. The best way to make a Canadian blow a gasket is to mistake them for an American. There are other dyads that have this kind of dynamic as well (Russia-Ukraine, Australia-New Zealand), but among Canadians it leads to this kind of resentment boiling just beneath the surface that, if ever unleashed, would look like a scene from 28 Days Later.
This has a profound effect on Canadian behavior vis-a-vis the rest of the world, because just when you think a Canadian is on your side, s/he does something that completely gums up the works of a policy initiative. In the case of Canadian-American relations, this is compounded by the final rule….
3) Canadians are really schizophrenic about American attention. On the one hand, countries that are the focus of lots of American attention don’t necessarily fare all that well. Canadians like the fact that their country is often below the radar.
That said, I’m always surprised when, every four years, Canadians ask me, “So will Canada be an issue in the presidential campaign?” Every time, I say, “no chance in hell.” Clearly I’ve been proven wrong this year, but this is because the Canadians themselves lengthened the news cycle.
So to answer Noam’s question: the Canadians are doing what they’re doing because they don’t want any Americans taking Canada for granted. But they’ll do it as politely as possible.
Try applying these rules whenever one deals with Canadians — they’re easy, and fun!
I basically gave you lazy people who won’t follow a link all of Mr. Drezner’s piece (hope he forgives the violation of fair use), but click the link anyway because the comments are quite entertaining as well.
And to my Canadian buds here in Korea all I can say is pretty good stuff, eh?
My laptop died. Well, it is not dead but it has alzheimers or something. It just shuts down with increasing regularity. It started happening a couple of months ago with things like YouTube videos, which I guess take a lot of computing power to run or something. Then it started happening with simple tasks like email. Well, it was three years old so I suppose that’s about all the useful life you can expect.
So yesterday I went to the PX and picked up a new machine. I bought a middlin’ HP desktop with a nice 19″ widescreen monitor. Set me back $700. I looked at a Toshiba laptop with the same memory as the desktop for about $150 more, but you know I can’t see myself lugging a laptop around much anyway. So I will wait till I can afford something top-of-the-line before I take the plunge on another laptop.
So, this computer is ok. It runs Vista which I have heard nothing good about. So far no problems though. The pain in the ass is that all my bookmarks, photos, etc. are on the old machine. Ah well, I think it has enough life where I can get my hard drive stuff salvaged and transferred to a new home.
On a positive note, I was able to load and play CIV IV. Got it for Christmas a couple of years ago but the laptop didn’t have the systems required to run it. Then the CD/ROM quit working so I couldn’t even play CIV III. So it was nice to get back into some gaming. CIV IV is quite a bit different than its predecessors, so it will take some getting used. But I spent most of the day yesterday getting a feel for it and I think I’m going to have another enjoyable pastime to fill in the gaps when I’m not throwing darts.
And there you have the latest fascinating episode of my so-called life.
Well, what can I say except I’m sorry? No excuses, just that combination of winter malaise, lack of motivation, and nothing in particular to say that makes me such an unreliable blogger.
Tonight I Post! because some of you wonder if I am still amongst the living. Near as I can tell, that’s an affirmative. Although I feel the beginnings of a cold/sore throat thing in my chest and throat. Small stuff. Hmm, I heard a motivational speaker once say that there are only two big things in life, and everything else is the small stuff. And you should never worry about that small stuff. The two big things are being born and dying. Everything in between is the small stuff. Can you believe that guy makes a living talking that crap? It’s the modern equivalent of a snake oil salesman I suppose. But if it makes people feel better I guess there is no harm. Hell, I should thank the guy. It gave me a paragraph in what I suspect will be a rather meandering post.
Tonight I Post! will I guess just cover what I’ve been up to these past several weeks in reverse chronological order. To ease your pain I will try to limit myself to bullets. If you have been a regular around here (God help you!) you will be able to fill in the gaps quite easily I’m sure.
My father has been ill with pneumonia, which coupled with his emphysema has not been an easy go. Get well soon Dad!
Good news and bad news on the dart front: Monday we beat Rubbies 25-6. But 3 of those losses were mine. Which is ok, because I did manage to win six legs. The previous week I was 1-5 and responsible for a tough 16-15 loss to XOX. the first place team. Perspective is a beautiful thing.
Had a nice weekend visit from a fellow blogger, Jenn of I Got Two Shoes fame. She has already blogged the event here, and I can’t add anything else. Well, the “gay friendly” bar she mentions did not involve any friendliness on my part. Not that there is anything wrong with it.
Saturday night was the wedding reception of Duke and Ji Young. Very nice affair. Ji Young looked outstanding, and even Duke cleaned up pretty well. I wish them much happiness and success in the future. That old saw about the wife being the better half doesn’t apply to Duke. Ji Young is at least 2/3s better! Hey Duke, if you can’t take a joke, F.U.!
Actually, I would nickname Duke lucky except for one thing. His darts. Ha!Ha! Actually, he played quite well, just never quite well to win any of the tourneys we played in his honor. But it appeared he had a lot of fun trying, and at the end of the day that’s the main thing.
In all seriousness, it was great to have Duke back at Dolce again. It almost seemed like he had never left. I know he was impressed with the metamorphosis of Dolce Vita into a premiere dart bar, and I hope he knows that his dedication to promoting darts amongst the clientèle had a lot to do with the way things are now. Consider it your legacy Duke.
Other than that all I have done during this hiatus was work hard and play harder. Lots of beer consumed and darts thrown to varying degrees of success. And I’m still standing.
Tonight I Post! is now completed. I do have some photos that would have went well with this narrative, but alas, I am to frickin’ lazy to upload them. And yeah, I know all of the above is not technically in bullet form like I promised. Whaddaya goin’ do about it? And you know damn well it could have been worse. Much worse. Trust me on that!
I will try to become more regular. At least until my colonoscopy is scheduled. Oh my, what a post THAT will be.
Monday night my team, the Sliders, locked horns with our neighbor bar’s Blue Bulls. We took a 20-11 victory, but in reality the match was much closer as nearly every leg was tightly contested. As seems to invariably happen I was matched up with the Goat in singles cricket. Me and Craig are friendly rivals (well, friendly between matches, but never at the oche). Over the past couple of seasons one or the other of us would win the match 2-1. Neither of us had gone 3-0 in league play. Until Monday night.
The odd thing was it was a close match as both of us were pretty much equally off our game. The difference in the end came down to bulls. And I hit them a tad more frequently than my opponent on this occasion. So I get the bragging rights until our next meeting. Heh.
Actually, it was a stellar night for all the Dolce teams. Take it Easy beat Bless U, Rubbies won their first match of the season against White Horse, and our new team (Sweet Life) took down Nashville.
Here’s hoping for a continuation of that winning tradition. Go Dolce!
A Scotsman, an Englishman, and an Irishman are playing darts at Dolce Vita in Itaewon (you guys know who you are, so I won’t mention any names…).
“Y’know” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wonderful little bar called McTavish’s. The landlord there goes out of his way for the locals, so much that when you buy 4 drinks he’ll buy the 5th drink for you.”
“Well,” said the Englishman, “at my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2.”
“Ahhhhh, that’s nothing, laddies,” said the Irishman.
“Back home in me own Dublin, there’s Ryan’s Bar. Now, the moment you set foot in the place they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house.”
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman’s claims. But he swears every word is true.
“Well,” said the Englishman, “did this actually happen to you?”
“Not to me meself, personally, no,” said the Irishman… “but it did happen to me sister.”
Four years ago this month, my friend and soulmate succumbed to breast cancer. Until this moment, I have never written of her, although few days pass when she is not in my thoughts. Even now, the pain of losing her seems too raw and fresh to contemplate, and yet her memory is so wonderful that it begs to be shared if only to give her spirit some substance within the dimension of the living. Although mere words, especially within the constraints of my limited talent of expression, could never capture the essence of this remarkable woman. But Linda Ketner loved me and would certainly forgive my feeble efforts at a proper remembrance. And so, for you, my friend, I share the story that I carry in my heart.
I met Linda in Prescott, Arizona in 1981. She was working as a legal secretary in a law office on my mail route. I’m not sure why I asked her out; she was a couple of years older than me and not really my “type” physically. But she did have a great smile, and her dark Italian eyes sparkled with equal parts of mischief and wisdom as if she was in on some cosmic joke, and my cluelessness was most amusing. Well, whatever it was that created the spark, the resulting fire was to light and warm a friendship that lasted over 20 years.
For the first couple of years, we toyed with romance. We were both single parents with two children. She was Catholic, and I wasn’t. I was on the rebound from a major heartbreak and could not let myself love again, which made her incredibly angry. I moved to Arkansas several months after we met. She brought her kids cross country by bus to visit me there. We spent time at my parent’s small farm in eastern Oklahoma, and she told me later it was the only time in her life she had truly felt at peace and at home. She wanted me to ask her to stay. And I didn’t.
We continued to write and speak on the phone, and I’m not sure how I would have borne the loneliness of that time in my life without her kindness and support. About a year later, she had moved to Phoenix, and I came out to see her. By now, I had come to love her and was finally ready to commit to a relationship. And she wasn’t, at least with me. She had met someone else, and I was too late. Which really pissed her off. I saw firsthand her fiery temper in what we fondly recalled as the refrigerator cleaning incident. As she was emptying the contents of the fridge, she would hurl food items and invectives my way, telling me in colorful terms what an idiot I had been. That actually turned out to be one of our favorite memories that always made us laugh, but it was a pretty intense experience at the time.
So, we both wound up marrying others and going on with our lives. But we always stayed in touch, sharing our trials and joys in long letters, and with the advent of email, our correspondence became even more robust. And she was always there for me, a rock to cling to in stormy seas and a beacon of light on my darkest nights. Her love for me was always unconditional, and even when I screwed up (which was often), she gave me encouragement instead of censure. I’m not sure there is a better definition of friendship.
Looking back, I probably only saw her in person six or seven times over all those years. We were connected in a way that transcended the physical; there was just some power that bonded us in a way I cannot adequately explain. She knew how to touch the places in my innermost being in a way that no one ever had before. She KNEW me. And despite that, she still loved me. I had never known that kind of affirmation, and it was a source of strength and comfort to be blessed with her love.
Whenever I lost myself, she helped me find my way back. She visited me once in South Carolina. The house I shared with my wife was decorated in a manner worthy of Southern Living magazine. She looked around and said, “wow, this is really amazing. But tell me, where do YOU live?” She saw through the lie I had been living for years in five minutes.
Of course, I was only one part of Linda’s life. I’m sure I was important to her, but not the most important. She had her children, her grandson, and on her third try, a husband who was worthy of her love.
Linda was no saint, but she was saintly. I nicknamed her MT2 (Mother Teresa the second). She had an amazing capacity to love. It was her gift. She did things like visiting nursing homes and reading to strangers on a weekly basis. She was always there for the people who needed her most.
As good as Linda was, her life was hard. She was emotionally abused as a child .she married men who treated her badly, but nothing overcome her indomitable spirit. Well, nothing but cancer. But no, the cancer beat her body, but it never beat Linda.
She was first diagnosed in the late 1980s and underwent a double mastectomy. In true Catholic fashion, she told me God was punishing her for her vanity about having large breasts. But she was a survivor. When she reached the ten-year mark without a recurrence, she noted that statistically, she was home free.
Damn statistics. The cancer recurred at twelve years and was inoperable. But she never quit fighting. I know it is cliché to talk about the “brave struggle against impossible odds,” but Linda was the poster child for fighting the good fight against the evil that was eating her body. Her faith, courage, and strength were inspirational to all who knew her.
And just when it seemed things could get no worse, her daughter Amy died from a drug overdose. When I heard the news, I thought Linda would lose her will to live. I think it was touch and go for a while, but Amy’s son needed her, and she fought on. And on. She was in pain most of the time, in mind, body, and spirit, but still, she would not quit. And she never lost herself. I visited Linda a couple of times during the last year of her life and always came away uplifted. It was as if she had had her faith challenged in the most severe fashion and had passed the test. Her reward was acceptance and peace of mind.
Well, maybe not acceptance. The last time we were together was at the hospice. She was drugged up and in and out of consciousness, but early one morning, she awoke while I was sitting at her bedside. She looked at me and smiled, and that same mischievous mirth from the day we met was twinkling in her eyes. We talked about all we had shared, we laughed and cried, and then she squeezed my hand and told me, “this is NOT goodbye.” I don’t know if she was right, but I didn’t argue the point. I love her now as I did then, and she lives on in my heart. If there is a heaven, I know of no one more worthy than her to reside there. She was my angel on Earth, and I miss having her here watching out for me.
As I got up to leave the hospice for the last time, I accidentally tripped on the oxygen tubes that had somehow gotten twisted around my legs. Linda started gasping and clutching her throat. I stood there in shock and near panic. Then she flashed me that big smile and said, “Got ya!”
That pretty much describes my long holiday weekend. Lots of darts and beer. Last night finished up with some norebang with the Dolce crowd and stumbled home at six a.m. Today I am feeling the after affects, but I’m still standing. Barely.
A new week and a new outlook are on tap. Duke arrives Friday and we are all looking forward to spending the next couple of weeks getting reacquainted.
At least I think so. Starting to feel much better today. Thanks for the get well comments!
Went to the doctor today. It took me two months to get into the Army hospital for an appointment and the original problem was the crick in my neck, which resolved itself weeks ago. But given that I am of an age, I am going to do the complete physical thing to see what kind of damage my lifestyle might be wreaking on this tired old body.
So the cute little Korean reception person took my vitals and history. Smoke? check. Drink? check. High blood pressure? Yep. (144 over 86, but then I smoked a fag just before going in). Overweight? Actually, I qualify as obese. So, what else is new?
So, Dr. Lee asks why I’m there. I think medical folks don’t have much patience (heh, patients) for people like me who don’t take any proactive interest in maintaining good health. I professed a desire to change my ways, but I wanted to make sure it was not too late before I went through all the hassle of actually altering my lifestyle.
So, today we did the chest x-ray. Tomorrow I will get blood work done. And I will schedule the dreaded colonoscopy (I can’t pronounce or spell that procedure). She also gave me a prescription for zyban so I can quit smoking. Which I may attempt here soon. As soon as I get my test results back!
So, despite feeling rather poorly all weekend I did play a lot of darts. Friday night at Dolce, Dan and I took the tourney, beating Seung Yeob and Rick. The most memorable thing for me was taking the last leg of the championship game with a 48 out. Double 8, double 8, double 8. Yeah, the first two were misses, but still…
Saturday night at the big Blue Frog farewell to Doug and Tom, I teamed up with Chris B. for a 3rd place finish. We might have done better, but we couldn’t hit when we had too against Alastair and Billy. They took us out of both the winners and losers bracket with some smokin’ ’01 play. The tourney technically ended in a tie because the Championship round didn’t start until 12:30 am. Karl and his partner Rod took the first game, but Rod is a soldier and had a 1 am curfew to deal with. Total purse for 1st and 2nd was W450,000, so Alastair and Billy graciously agreed to split it almost evenly and everyone went home happy.
Sunday I played in my first soft tips tourney out on the far side of Seoul (near the end of line 6). I played decent but didn’t make the money round, finishing in 5th. It was definitely different. 90% Koreans, but they were mostly very kind and gracious to the Yankee interlopers. I could have done better but I let myself get distracted by an opponents handicap rating that appeared to be sandbagging. As I told myself later, that’s bullshit. If you can’t overcome 30 points you don’t deserve to win. Lesson learned for next time.
Last night we had our league matchup with White Horse from Blue Frog. Gawd, I was awful. I struggled all night. How bad was I? In doubles teamed up with Alastair and Petro we went 2-4. And that was all on me. I was fortunate to sweep my singles match 3-0, but I was damn lucky because Won Jun had me on the ropes a couple of times, only to let me sneak away with the win. That won’t happen often against him or anyone else. I’m not playing up to my capabilities and I am damn sure not playing like someone who belongs in A division. Hopefully last night was my wake up call.
Four years ago this month, my friend and soulmate succumbed to breast cancer. Until this moment, I have never written of her, although few days pass when she is not in my thoughts. Even now, the pain of losing her seems too raw and fresh to contemplate, and yet her memory is so wonderful that it begs to be shared if only to give her spirit some substance within the dimension of the living. Although mere words, especially within the constraints of my limited talent of expression, could never capture the essence of this remarkable woman. But Linda Ketner loved me and would certainly forgive my feeble efforts at a proper remembrance. And so, for you, my friend, I share the story that I carry in my heart.
