Comments Posted By Kevin Kim
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This whole thing has been one unpredictable roller coaster. Aspects of it seemed to good to be true, and based on the topsy-turvy nature of everything, I get the feeling this might not be done yet. Sit tight. She might end up texting you again after she’s had time to stew. Of course, it’s up to you to decide how much drama you’re willing to tolerate. For the moment, all I can say is, Sorry to hear things turned out as they did.
Was surprised to hear how aware she was, this whole time, of Dick’s amorous intentions, and yet she still persists in labeling him “friend.” The denial is strong in her. Or maybe she has had a thing for him this whole time: we all love it when someone pays attention to us, and Dick is pretty obsessive on that score (despite also being handsy with other women).
But it sounds as if Pearl is taking the typical “amputate, don’t negotiate” route of so many young Asian women. Easier to move on than to work the problems out. I think my early intuition that she’s young and immature—therefore flighty—was correct. But again, how much youthful zigzaggery are you willing to tolerate?
In many ways, she seemed like a better catch than all of the previous women. Seems sad to add her name to a growing roster, but as I said, it could well be the story’s not over. Not to give you false hope or anything, but if there’s one thing we’ve all learned on the subject of Pearl, it’s that she defies prediction.
Take your walk. Clear your head. Wait a bit.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 20/December/2021 @ 12:37 pm
For now, it sounds as if patience is the way to get through this. It stinks that Dick is nice to your face but obviously still working an angle through Pearl’s mom. Pearl’s claims of platonic friendship don’t square with Dick’s continued attempts to woo her, but I think, tentatively, that that’s more on him than on her. At the very least, Pearl is being honest when she says she considers Dick a friend, and she feels comfortable enough to vocalize concern for Dick’s welfare in front of you. I think it’s fair to say she’s really friends with Dick, but she also trusts you and, more, is intimate with you.
The problem is that Dick himself hasn’t totally given up on Pearl, but your previous posts have shown he’s a weepy, emotional bitch-child who also has trouble keeping his hands off other ladies, so his weird pursuit of Pearl doesn’t imply that he’d be exclusively committed to her even if he ever caught her.
My read of Dick is that there is some underlying deep denial of his situation and/or some kind of actual sickness. Actually, deep denial could itself be a sign of mental illness, which is, after all, about detachment from or rejection of reality to some degree. This would be the real reason to be cautious whenever Pearl claims to be friends with Dick: not that she’d ever succumb to his charms, but that Dick may be genuinely sick in the head and thus not the “friend” Pearl thinks he is. One thing your descriptions make screamingly clear is that Pearl, in her innocence, is thinking one thing, and Dick is obviously thinking another.
What to do, then? Don’t know. Proceed with caution, keep your eyes open, but continue to be patient and to appreciate Pearl’s openness and trust. I think she’s made plenty clear where she and Dick stand, so you can accept her word. But Dick is the one who needs watching. For now, he hasn’t done anything dangerous to Pearl, to Pearl’s mother, or to anyone else, but look for signs as to whether something might be building up inside his head and yearning for release.
My unprofessional assessment of Dick is that he’s constructed some sort of fantasy around himself, and the force of that fantasy is what convinces him to keep chasing Pearl. So he’s generally handsy with women in general on one hand, but he’s got a specific fixation on Pearl, too. Any of this make sense? In a sentence: Pearl’s not the one you should be careful or suspicious about. At this point, whatever her weird and cryptic emojis might be, she’s not the potentially toxic one, here.
Boy, Dick would make a great villain-character in a stage play about you PI expats. Your life is giving me ideas. Heh.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 19/December/2021 @ 6:28 pm
Well, I sincerely hope Pearl enjoys the nice, veiny, tadalafil-charged Yule log you’ll be presenting her for Christmas. Because if there’s anyone who deserves a great Christmas after all this stress and drama, it’s that damn Yule log. Don’t tell her to “keep the tip,” though; she might bite something off. 28-year-olds can be vicious.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 18/December/2021 @ 6:35 pm
weepy + handsy = crazy
I think, yes, you can safely write Dick off as yet another headcase expat who’s too much of a loser to survive in his home country. I’d almost pity him if he weren’t such a… Dick.
This does put a lot of Pearl’s behavior in a more positive light. She may be like many folks who simply don’t know what to do when the crazies come around. I’ve seen folks get frazzled in front of homeless people in DC, not knowing how to respond to their shenanigans. Pearl just needs to learn to develop a thicker skin around such people.
Some folks with mental problems become benign like “mama”; others become toxic like Dick (imagine that pitiful fucker when he’s fifteen years older… Gawd).
From everything you’re describing, though, Dick is definitely sounding like a headcase. Maybe gently suggest to Pearl that she can easily cultivate other business than whatever Dick provides. She doesn’t need his money. Or his friends (who, at a guess, are probably also mental). She can afford to give him the cold shoulder.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 17/December/2021 @ 6:18 pm
Bars of Barretto: Cheap Charlies
“And don’t be like Sleepy Joe and call it Sit-n-Bowl.”
Have you seen the compilation video of Joe Biden constantly saying “expodentially” when he means “exponentially”? As the righties say: if Trump had gaffed like that, it’d be front-page news.
Cheap Charlies sounds like a keeper. Thanks for the tour. Alma is cuter than you give her credit for.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 17/December/2021 @ 5:22 pm
“you do understand that Pearl and I are thing, right?”
Should be:
“you do understand that Pearl and I are a thing, right?”
Gettin’ old.
Thirsty also has a legit take on the situation, although if a customer is saying he wants to have babies with you and bequeath you his stuff, that strikes me as more than “just business.” Still, Thirsty’s main point is to proceed with caution, which is advisable.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 16/December/2021 @ 6:06 pm
These are definitely uncharted waters, and Dick sounds more than a bit whacked. He’s been clearly told (assuming Pearl wasn’t lying) that you and Pearl are a couple, and he still pulls this shit? One way to look at it is that you’ll have to be assertive and fight for your woman. Another way to look at it is that Pearl is still too accepting of male attention (even of the desperate kind) because it strokes her ego. I guess you’ll have to figure out whether Pearl is worth standing up for. Good luck with that. My instinct is that you’ll need to talk with Dick directly and set him straight. You both seem to be on speaking terms, after all. “Hey, Dick—you do understand that Pearl and I are thing, right? So hands off, and stop with the ‘I wanna have kids with you’ stuff.” I get the impression that Dick thinks you’re not a serious contender for Pearl’s affections—an old irrelevancy. And that’s why he persists. This is a dangerous attitude for him to take.
God, the whole thing is weird.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 16/December/2021 @ 5:31 pm
Dick is a grown-ass man, so why the fuck is he crying like a little bitch? Bunch of old teenagers out there in the PI, acting as if they’re still hormonal. What the hell?
Anyway, Pearl seems finally to have made things clear to Dick, although I wish she’d done that much earlier. Assuming she’s not stupid, she must have known he was doing his damnedest to court her. I’d be careful about that aspect of Pearl: the young girl’s immature desire to seek validation through male attention. It’s an ego thing.
Continued good luck as the saga continues.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 15/December/2021 @ 3:41 pm
“Sit-n-Bowl”
A typo, or is that really the new name of the place?
If I could travel back in time to talk to the old Kevin, I’d tell him he’s got some comma problems in his writing:
“But the story of the passion and resurrection nevertheless holds power for me, because it’s a story about a man who put everything down, including his own life, for the sake of love.”
No comma before “because”: the dependent clause comes second in the sentence, so there’s no need for a comma. And:
“We face the world with fear, and create clever rationales for our spiritual cowardice.”
No comma before “and” because that’s a compound predicate, not a compound sentence. Had there been a subject after the comma (“we”), then the comma would have been justified.
I might go back into my archives and correct all that.
I don’t know where this is going with Pearl, but do consider that the age difference may have a lot to do with current difficulties. You say you often prefer women in their thirties, but even that represents a nearly two-generation gap. People in different generations think differently and have different priorities, different values. They see the world differently. You’ll never consider going out with a woman closer to you in age—say, in her fifties or early sixties? Your values might mesh a little better, and because you’ve both been down the road, there’s a chance you’ll bond over life experiences that have made you who you are. If you reject the notion of going out with older women, though, then that might simply be because you’re a horny old goat chasing tight asses. Anyway, as I’ve said before, Pearl is a little girl, so she’s going to act like one. Finding an old soul in a young body is a rarity. I’m not saying any of this because I find the age-gap thing creepy; I’m just pointing out that an age difference translates to differences in values, comportment, etc. Are the tight asses worth it?
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 14/December/2021 @ 7:13 pm
A book on personality types that I’ve had for years talks about the so-called “Pygmalion Project,” in which one lover tries to make the other lover over in his or her image (referencing the GB Shaw play Pygmalion, which became the musical “My Fair Lady,” in which a professor takes an uncultured woman and remakes her into a proper lady). The personality book was of the opinion that people ought to love each other for who they are, not for what we’d like them to be. No Pygmalion Project! There is, of course, a fine line: if, for example, my lover is into hard drugs, I’ll definitely do what I can to get her off them because I know the drugs will ultimately wreck her life. But drinking the way you do? I don’t get the impression that you’re an eternally drunken Irishman, so here’s hoping Pearl recognizes this and leaves you alone. Then again, there may be room for negotiation. If you’re serious about having her in your life, perhaps you can compromise a bit. A little compromise might be good; you don’t want to be too crusty and inflexible.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 13/December/2021 @ 3:00 pm
A good day, all in all.
So you go around chin-masking while Pearl fully wears her mask?
That burger plate looked a bit meager. Despite that, it sounds as though this was a good day, aside from Dick-related weirdness. I hope that situation resolves itself clearly and soon. If weeks go by and Dick is still clinging to his fantasy, it could be that Pearl is, while not exactly leading him on, not giving clear enough signals that he should fuck off. That may become your manly duty. Pearl might even be expecting you to act assertively like an Asian man (getting back to what Brian said earlier about cultural expectations). Again, I don’t know what Filipinas actually expect or want. That’s just a guess.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 12/December/2021 @ 7:24 pm
Of all the Abe Lincoln memes out there, that’s got to be one of the funniest.
Looks to have been a good hike, even with the added adventure.
And continued good luck with Pearl. There was an initial wobble, but I stand by what I said: a fight tests the fundamental strength of a relationship. If you judge that you got through the fight okay, then that’s a good sign. It’s gonna be weird, though, being cordial with “Dick,” even while you’re aware he’s trying hard to work on Pearl. I wonder if this is going to explode into open warfare at some point. Shouldn’t be a problem, though, assuming your intentions are true and your character remains solid. Pearl, if she’s got any brains, ought to respond to your superior integrity, and I assume she’ll make it crystal clear to “Dick” where her loyalties lie. Seems she’s already on that path, so here’s hoping for a bright future.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 11/December/2021 @ 3:16 pm
Call him Dick. And tread carefully. This smells like a weird situation to me.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 10/December/2021 @ 5:22 pm
I stand corrected!
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 09/December/2021 @ 9:03 pm
“I bit my lip, but my thought was if you ain’t gonna play to win, why play at all? Punk.”
I thought it was all about the fun and splitting the prize money. No?
I suspect the opponent was simply covering for having sucked.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 09/December/2021 @ 5:10 pm
Sounds as if you had fun despite the Pearl stuff going downhill (she’s with [that guy] again, eh? he’s workin’ her hard).
At least your tombstone will read, “Didn’t find a wife, but I fucked half the village.”
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 08/December/2021 @ 4:14 pm
“Cookie recipients. I was very surprised to see the kid on the right wearing a Corona Hash (from Angeles City) shirt. How it came to him out here in the backwoods of Subic is a mystery.”
And then there’s the kid in the middle, grabbing his crotch.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 07/December/2021 @ 5:19 pm
As all the other commenters are saying, relationships take work. If you conclude the payoff isn’t worth the effort, well, I’m not gonna judge that. You have to do whatever makes you happy. Just don’t chase after ideals you don’t really hold or illusory concepts of love/care that will never bear fruit in the real world. Follow your bliss, as Joseph Campbell liked to say.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 07/December/2021 @ 3:50 pm
Well, I’d still like to root for your relationship in this case. If you can both forgive and continue communicating, things might work out, whatever “work out” means in the long term. Pearl doesn’t seem toxic in the way some past relationships were; she’s just a bit superficial. That could change over time. Good luck!
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 06/December/2021 @ 1:38 pm
“This means, to me, that your relationship with her was never very deep to begin if because, as we see, she’s still man-shopping.”
Sorry—”begin WITH.”
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 06/December/2021 @ 5:03 am
Pinays and their jealousy issues have been a constant theme on this blog for years. So on the one hand, you knew this going in unless, like Charlie Brown charging that football, you’ve decided to hope against hope that this time will be different.
It’s unfair to expect Pearl to be the one Filipina who breaks the mold and doesn’t act Filipina. On the other hand, based on your account of the day in question, she does strike me as being oversensitive.
Does that make her unstable? Again, based on what you’ve written about other Filipinas, she sounds pretty par-for-the-course for her kind. If these girls have heads filled with trashy K-dramas, then that goes a long way to explaining their jealousy issues. And there may be a cultural component as well. Ask your happily married friends whether their Pinay wives started off as insanely jealous people back when they were merely dating, and ask further what they, the guys, did to face down that jealousy. Maybe there’s an answer there.
So she’s “setting you free,” eh? I’m getting this image of cattle no longer fenced in. Maybe that’s the situation from her point of view: she expects her man to operate only within certain confines if he’s truly to be her man. I don’t know. I don’t understand women, and I’m totally lost when it comes specifically to Filipina women.
If I thought there was hope in talking this out and figuring out how to deal with the problem together, I’d humbly advise talking, but Filipinas, especially the young ones, seem to think it’s better just to amputate and move on. Dramatic minds, dramatic solutions.
This goes back to the idea of looking for an older woman in a young body: ain’t gonna happen. An older woman with experience would probably be willing to act maturely—to hear you out and accept your declarations of loyalty. Young girls, not so much. But young girls are what you seem to want, so in a sense, you’ve trapped yourself in your own hell (a line I’ve said before).
Upon rereading your post, though, I see another issue, which you yourself brought up: if Pearl is accepting flirty messages from a guy she then goes out with, she’s being a hypocrite. “Good night, sleep well” might contain a subtle level of flirtatiousness, but it sounds as though this guy was being more overtly flirtatious (was he?). And the result was that Pearl went out with him, permitting herself to do so after your perceived slight. This means, to me, that your relationship with her was never very deep to begin if because, as we see, she’s still man-shopping. That info about her and [this guy] radically changes my evaluation of your relationship with Pearl. If she feels she can go off the reservation that easily, then she was never deeply committed to begin with. She’s just another young doe relying on her beauty to seek male attention, and to gain validation thereby. Female vanity. And again, the mark of someone young and superficial.
That being said, you’ve still trapped yourself in your own hell since you keep coming back to the young ladies. Are maturer women just too leathery and saggy for you? If I were you, I’d learn my lesson and find someone of a more mature bent instead of allowing myself to be seduced, over and over, by the young, superficial, and mercurial.
More fundamentally, what is it that you want? To me, it seems you haven’t resolved that question, and it pops up again and again. If all you want is sex, then apparently, there’s plenty to be found, and you have no trouble finding it. If what you’re looking for is paid companionship, “care” instead of real care, then there’s plenty of that, too. But if what you really want is to find a life-companion who will be there for you when the going gets tough… I don’t know, but I think you may be in the wrong country. You need someone who deeply understands the American character—someone who knows, for example, that if you’re a little flirty with the other bar girls, this doesn’t mean your fundamental commitment to your woman has been compromised. But you’ve closed off the possibility of finding yourself a decent American woman, so again, we’re back to the idea of the self-made hell. Have you ever asked yourself why you’ve boxed yourself in this way?
Anyway, maybe find a stable non-Filipina girl somewhere. Heh.
Theorizing and moralizing aside, I’m sorry to hear you got blindsided. Down a stiffer-than-usual beer and have a sulk with a good movie. Tomorrow is another day.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 05/December/2021 @ 9:24 pm
Thunderheads on the horizon already, eh? Not good. Anyway, I’ll continue to hope for the best. From my perspective, if you leave out the age question, Pearl checks all the right boxes. She has struck me as low-maintenance; she’s not a single mother (huge plus); she doesn’t come off as a beggar or a gold-digger (another huge plus); she shares some of your major interests. That’s a good foundation for a relationship. My main concern was that you guys plunged into the sex phase way too quickly, but there may be a cultural component that I’m missing, here, so I’ve been hesitant to say anything.
What is it that you’re looking for in a relationship? If you’re looking for a woman who is simultaneously young and coltish while also having the sense of responsibility of an older woman, I’m afraid such a bird is exceedingly rare. Pearl seems to me, so far, to be the best you’re going to get. But if you’re concerned with how life with her is upsetting your old routines, then the focus on self may mean that you’re not really ready for the work it takes to engage in loving commitment. You can’t have the love without putting in the work. Anyway, that’s all a lot of preachiness; I continue to root for you both, and if you’ve survived your first fight, then good.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 05/December/2021 @ 8:28 am
Those rolling electric scooters are all over Korea. I think I’ve photographed a few empty scooters during my long walks. I never see their owners.
Great pics of the walk, as always.
As to the question of Pearl versus beer, I assume (hope) there’s no need to deliberate over the answer to that. If some old habits have to die a grudging death as you adjust to this new normal, then so be it. You’re making room for someone new and important in your life, and that means allowing her to mess with your boundaries a bit. Not too much, of course, but you’ve got to be able to compromise. Keep in mind that she’s young and energetic, and she wants to Do Stuff. Plus, she sees the world through the still-fresh eyes of a twenty-something lass.
But let me ask you, and I realize it may be too early… do you see potential for the “L” word to raise its gorgeous head? Are things possibly moving in that direction? (Maybe I should ask that after your first fight-and-forgiveness session. A fight will test the fundamental strength of the relationship.)
Anyway, things seem to be going great, overall. What’s really encouraging is how you’ve both bonded over the simple act of loving to walk. The PI is a happy labyrinth of places to explore, and if Pearl is willing, you both can go explore it together.
Damn… what if you got Pearl interested in darts?
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 04/December/2021 @ 7:55 pm
Sounds like another good restaurant to put into your rotation. I do hope the resto manages to preserve quality while still offering everything at cheap prices. That’s a difficult balance.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 03/December/2021 @ 8:07 pm
Eternally shirtless Almoranus is looking a mite less ripped and a bit more man-booby and paunchy these days. Too much beer?
If Pearl’s major flaw is that she’s occasionally late—just like other women—I’d say that’s not tragic. Annoying, but not tragic. Keep in mind that, in many ways, she’s still just a little girl, and little girls are prone to doing goofy things. That’s the price you pay, as an older man, when you date someone that young: you put up with the foibles of youth. She’ll learn eventually, and I’m sure you’ll communicate your expectations and boundaries civilly.
As for keeping the blog a secret… I won’t mind if you stop blogging about Pearl so that you can “bury” your Pearl-related posts under several successive posts and then reveal your blog to her some days later. I doubt she’ll troll your archives in an attempt to find posts about herself, and even if she does, it’s not as though you’ve talked shit about her. Keeping the blog a secret can become toxic, especially if too much time passes. And if you’re serious about this relationship, I think you ought to allow Pearl a say re: whether and to what degree she will appear on your blog. This is an issue to resolve sooner rather than later; if too much time goes by, and then she discovers your blog on her own, she might, at the very least, become uncomfortable (especially if you write, even vaguely, about what goes on under the covers).
I know you want to keep the blog private precisely because it’s your place to vent—I get that. But if you’re allowing this woman into your life, then you’re already committed to ceding some of your personal space. Letting her know about the blog is a gesture of trust. (Of course, letting her know about the blog carries the risk that she might tell others about your blog, so that’s worth considering as well.)
Anyway, you do you. The above is only my opinion. I got burned once when a Korean lady I was going out with discovered some stuff I’d written on my blog about her; she misinterpreted what I’d written (it wasn’t malicious, but she thought it was), and she imperiously demanded that I take the post in question down. I did, lamely. I sometimes think that, had I told her about the blog beforehand, things might’ve been different. I don’t know. Suffice it to say that, should I ever get a funny little honey of my own again, I’ll will not blog anything about her without her express permission.
Anyway, I think more communication and openness is better than less. You might no longer be able to vent about Pearl on the blog once she knows about your site, or it may turn out that she’s like my boss and coworkers, all of whom know about my main blog but never bother to read it because they’re just not into blog-reading. I’m sure you’ll figure out what works best for you.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 02/December/2021 @ 4:19 pm
I’m in the middle of a fast right now, so I envy you your meal. Looks to have been a good lunch date. And the coasters are already being put to good use!
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 01/December/2021 @ 5:40 pm
I guess it’s lucky that your Hash is still counted as a Hash even with the shortcuts you guys normally take. Nice hike; great photos.
Was Pearl working or something? Is that why I don’t see her in the group? Or is she in the pics, but I missed her?
Did 18-kilo Ass have a beard at the outset, or is this a recent development?
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 30/November/2021 @ 6:09 pm
Better that sort of drama than other sorts. I hope the cousin’s okay.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 29/November/2021 @ 2:07 pm
When you’ve had your “This could be The One” moments in the past, there were usually warning signs that came along with them. This time around, no alarm bells are going off in my head, so I wish you nothing but the best of luck. Jealousy is probably a good sign, if anything. Just curb your flirtatiousness with other girls if you really value your time with Pearl. You’ve got a good thing going.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 28/November/2021 @ 4:00 pm
«« Back To Stats PageAlways nice to find someone who shares your interests and is (if I’m reading between the lines correctly) pretty low maintenance. May there be many more such days ahead for you both!
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 27/November/2021 @ 5:20 pm