Comments Posted By James
Displaying 61 To 90 Of 96 Comments
You did it Mccrarey 👏 🙌
With this post I think you’ll double your readership.
You’re right, these are the girls next-door types that we all love and adore. Of course, they’re all pretty much your neighborhood friends. I was gonna ask you how many of those on stage have had the privilege of a visit to the Mccrarey mansion…but I think your pictures tell the story 🤔
Good to see that your town has these kind of organized activities without needing to go out of town.
And we all thank you for the pictures 📸
Your new phone 📱 is excellent» Posted By James On 12/April/2022 @ 2:25 pm
You’re starting to mix up the pseudonyms.
I’m pretty sure you had already decided to call that woman Jenny 👩
Now when you say Julie it seems like another person 🙄I should be your editor for your upcoming book 📖 to catch these errors. Character development is crucial 👏
I jest , of course. You reminded us all that you’re an introvert. I guess it’s true what they say: we can never get to fully know our heroes. Celebrities are quite different people off-screen ( off the page?) .
Your interactions with the ladies and/or hiking buddies seem so jovial that you come across as an extroverted life of the party 🥳
I guess that is what they call liquid courage.Keep writing and keep doing what you do. You’re living the good life.
A wise man once said : I wish there was a way to know that we’re living in the good-ole-days before we actually left them.
You are living the good-ol-days, and by Merlin’s beard you’re doing it rightEnjoy
» Posted By James On 01/April/2022 @ 12:07 am
Good on you 👏
Unfortunately your small town and small world means that former lovers and hearbreaks can be like a scab.I’m of the strong opinion that you should take a trip somewhere soon. Maybe for a little while. You’re starting to sound a little bored 😴 and/or jaded with your retirement.
And the benefit of your writing ✍ here is that you don’t have to rely on your faulty memory like the rest of us, you can just go back to read your recollections of certain events 😀
I was excited to see that in recent weeks you had a veritable charcuterie of options for the companionship you seek. As it inevitably turned out that no particular individual could possibly possess the quirks you desire, I was hoping that you’d go back to just being the jovial fella with high lady drinks bar tab and grateful smiles 😃 swooning over you.
Gotta say, something broke 💔 I may even call it a heartbreak.
But I digress.Take a break
Take a vacation from your vacationIf anything I’ve written makes sense 💯 🤷 I trust that Kevin will put it in words in the proper English sentences that works 💪
I think I may have asked you before why it is that you don’t seem to have male friends 🤔 Maybe your answer was something like ” They’re married 🤔 and too busy…or they live boring lives on a tight leash. Anyway, I wanna read a sentence like ” today I made plans to meet Bill at the park to play catch “. Your usual is ” I was sitting down on a barstool when I noticed that my friend Billy was there too. We exchanged pleasantries and then continued drinking away our sorrows apart , but the waitresses were cute so we were not bored. ”
If you don’t discuss politics and marriages, I am sure you could have a great time just talking with Bill. Don’t worry about the waitresses, they’ll still earn their drink commissions
We’re all rooting for you…
All your readers pray and wish you the best 👌» Posted By James On 29/March/2022 @ 2:16 pm
Been a while
Great to see that you’re coping with the latest upheavals in your life.
Is your town so small that you pretty much bump into people you know constantly? I’m surprised that you may have a reputation as the nice fella who invites female friends to your house from time-to-time. That’s good 👍 that you’re a legend in your own way. Kindness is hard to get these daysI heard that the country is now open so I guess your town is teeming with those rich weekend tourists spending money in the local establishments. It can’t be too easy for you to spread your largesse around to help all the workers in town .
Thanks for the writing ✍ and keep up that exercise regimen .I’m sure at some stage this year you’ll be able to take some time to travel and see other places 😉
» Posted By James On 17/March/2022 @ 11:52 pm
Perfect
Cliff hangers and cryptic cluesNow you can wait 10 days before you drop the next clue.
I can already guess ….
You’re going to introduce a new character. A strong female villainous type.Thank you for taking my bet.
I’ll wait to find out in a fortnight» Posted By James On 12/February/2022 @ 3:18 pm
Perfect
You’re finally living your life and not having the need to write about it all the time.
My prayer, even as your dedicated reader, is that you get so busy with life that you don’t update your blog for a whole week.
I understand that the writing is part of your life, the thinking and connecting, but I have always believed that it’s better to be out there living life. Not going out seeking a thrill to share with your readers, but just because.
You know what I mean? Writers have a tendency to go out looking for material and inspiration for their writing ✍ 🙌Anyway, clearly the gf has a debilitating fear of heights. In your third hike with her you had to hold her hand to cross a bridge or a walk across a ledge. Am I the only one paying attention 🤔 here ?
Get it together Mac
Thanks for the writing ✍ as usual
» Posted By James On 29/January/2022 @ 4:26 pm
Good on you Mac 👏 👍
That is a good reason to see the bay from a different perspective.
For a minute I thought you had taken the boat ride alone 😔
Then I read ‘we’ and I thought you’d joined the hash boys 👦 🎶 and I got worried for that boat 🚢Glad it was the typical romantic sunset boat tour. 🚢 You should do more things like that instead of going to watch the gf working 💪 👷♂️ That’s if you aren’t doing your work either.
Thank you for the writing ✍
What’s your thinking on this whole lockdown situation 🤔 ? I gather your friend Dave at Wet Spot might have some ideas 💡 It’s well past time that you indulge your thirst for traveling 😉 even down by the Luzon Islands
» Posted By James On 23/January/2022 @ 4:57 pm
Am I on the list to read the new secret posts 📫 🤔 👀?
By the way, I support the whole thing.
Part of the recent demise of your relationship may have been the sharing of each moment of it. We scoff at the young kids taking their Instagram selfies 🤳 instead of enjoying the moment, and yet here’s an elder wiser fella 😉 planning 😉 his days out for the readers 😀
Maybe you subconsciously planned your dates so that you’d have something to write about later 😏 🤔Think about that
» Posted By James On 08/January/2022 @ 10:30 pm
Wow
That lady has a good memory. I guess your performance was quite memorable, however brief. 😏 Maybe that’s good thing ? Either way, I am sure she would appreciate a third encounter.You really do live in a small town . It seems like not only is there a limited number of entertainment venues ,but a certain pool of the same people working there. 🤔 In many of your stories ,you have a set of recurring characters that you remember from different locations, and even owners rebrand and rename and run the same limited number of entertainment venues.
I suppose you could do another bar review in a few years and the majority of bars will be still there just under different names and ownership, but the ladies may be the same ?You’re lucky to live in a subdivision far away from the road. Barretto itself is not so bad because the main road doesn’t have multiple lanes with jeepneys and those loud vendors. In a way , the jeepney is the soundtrack of the country 🎶
There’s no way to avoid that constant hum . That’s why I’m always impressed when you venture up the main road on your own hiking trips.Are there loud noises on the beach side as well 🤔 Other than the bars and resorts , I’m guessing that there have to be some affordable housing on the Baloy beach side as well ; not as loud as those houses up on the mountain by the college 🤔 but still a few roosters. Olongapo city is itself is a different level altogether. A Cacophony of sounds and smells in that heat, one cannot forget that immersive experience.
Glad that things have started well for you in this new year 🙌
» Posted By James On 02/January/2022 @ 11:26 pm
Happy New year
Thank you for your writing ✍
You kept us entertained, you made us think and most importantly 😉, you shared your entire life with us.
May this year continue to bring you blessings, joy and setbacks for the victories ahead.
You’re doing pretty well at this life thing» Posted By James On 01/January/2022 @ 9:18 pm
Happy New year Sir.
Thank you for keeping us informed, entertained and interested throughout the year.
We all wish you the good times for this year.
You’re getting better and better at this whole life thing» Posted By James On 01/January/2022 @ 9:15 pm
Oh dear
Now that the couple has their first break-up the readers take a chance to kick the poor fella while he’s down ?
SadAnd now the kicking. You’ll probably get back together sometime soon.
After such a short burst of high drama and emotional upheaval, soon you’ll learn to separate wheat from the chaff.You are the nagging wife in this situation. Always going to her workplace ,inviting her for dinner when she’s busy entertaining clients. And when you saw how hot one of her major clients was, you got jealous and threw a tantrum that lasted for days til it boiled over into this mess here.
At least you had some good days. You changed your ways and even reduced your walking/drinking habits to visit her at work. If she was an actual bargirl whose duties included paying special attention to certain VIP clients then you would have been involved in fisticuffs much earlier.
Commiserations.
Now I suppose you’ll get back to counting all your walking steps and drinking more with your favorite bargirls in town. You may even improve your dart game 🎯 to become once again the champion of Barretto.» Posted By James On 20/December/2021 @ 11:08 pm
Glad to see 👀u
You look quite different without glasses.
Much younger.You look like an anxious Californian 😬
Perturbed and in deep thought.
Tired and grateful.A completely different person I say.
Anyway
Maybe I missed some blog posts.
I notice u r now disguising people’s names . I guess somebody accosted you and berated you again. People.
But then again, the town is much too small to offer any anonymity. And you make such a piss poor attempt at the disguising anyway. First rule of fake names : make the reader believe that the names and characters are real.Anyway
I just popped in to thank you again for your consistency in your writing , your drinking and your walking.
Soeaking of walking; have I missed a recent development about your health ?Is the heat sapping your energy that you can’t do long walks any more? The new chubby fella whose name escapes me now seems to be consistently showing up for walking 🚶♂️
And I see you have completely ignored my advice about avoiding that bar cafeteria in which you’re a silent investor. 🤫good on you. It appears that you are one of the more regular customers ; but more importantly you bring all your friends there to have a good time .good on you . I was wrong. You have managed to be a regular visitor without being too intrusive into the practices of the business . A regular customer.
What do you call it when a man invests in a business and then subsequently becomes a regular customer in that business 🤔
Moving money from the back pocket to the front pocketGood times
Thanks for the writing ✍
And I wish you wealth and health
» Posted By James On 19/September/2021 @ 10:55 pm
Nice pictures.
And all your readers are eagerly awaiting the next installment of your search for love saga. Will it be Joy or Pearl 🤔
Or maybe another as yet undiscovered paradise. Of course, Marick with the good eyesight is not too far away 🙄Good of you that you still hike no matter how bad the weather gets. I must have missed a few updates 🤔
Who is the chunky fella? He seems new. I know Troy the goatee and all the other hashers with ‘too- rude -to -print -names .The new guy’s an inspiration. That he can keep up with your hardy group of hashers under such weather. He’s almost as tall as he is wide.
That’s a lot of strength 💪You’ve been looking for ideas on what to write about.
Other than bars and restaurants; I have always maintained that writing about the characters that make up your amazing town would be perfect .A disclaimer
All names, locations and events have been changed to protect the innocent. Only the days , locations and nicknames are real.
Reader discretion advised .But most importantly; your foray into business as an investor is going well.
At the 1 month’s point; you could write a how-to guide on how to live the philanthropic retired life on a seaside townThanks for your writing ✍
» Posted By James On 11/September/2021 @ 12:47 am
Rolling along the rocky road of life
Glad to see that the kitchenette’s business is booming. You’re still their favorite customer.
And to see that your old friend actually comes in for something to eat is great. 2 birds 1 stone. Glad to see you’re not holding it against her that she couldn’t stay at the apartment.
With the kitchenette already being so successful, it is a good omen that whenever international travel is permitted that she will be so busy she’ll need another pair of hands.
Congratulations 👏
Thanks for the writing as usual
» Posted By James On 05/September/2021 @ 6:19 pm
Glad to see that your associate’s business venture is going well. It seems you may have a problem with being detached and playing the role of the silent investor. As I recall, you are just the financier and have no real vested interest whether the business succeeds or fails. But being the curious man you are ,you’re still anxious to see what will happen to the $1000 you parted with gleefully with no expectations, you drop in as a customer and a friend and non-silent observer.
See 👀where I’m going with this yet?Detachment Detachment Detachment.
You don’t have to oversee this project. You don’t even have to patronize the business. Easier said than done when you have a financial, emotional and intellectual interest in this sole proprietorship.As long as you keep walking,there will be a woman or 2 who will declare their love for you. You’ll be swatting away declarations of love for many more years after your recent birthday celebrations. 🎂
Get that eye fixed soon so you can appreciate their beauty even more.
And I’ll wager a peso that you won’t be able to avoid this new eatery for a full week.
See how detached and silent of a partner you can beThanks for the writing as usual
» Posted By James On 29/August/2021 @ 5:52 pm
Love is just a four-letter word
Once again your devoted readers have gathered here to opine on your love life extravaganza. I don’t think there’s much more to add.
Incidentally,I guess that when you write posts dealing with relationships and/or politics you get more traffic to the site? Or at least more comments in this section?
Anyway,fear not. For I bring you the good news that you seek. As an avid reader of your writings , I would like to think that I have a decent understanding of this situation. 😀
All kidding aside..Your old girlfriend Marissa is your one true love. The solution has been hiding in plain sight. She’s always with you on the hash trail, she joins your exclusive slow group on hikes , she sits next to you at the bar , she shares her meat and mead with you. She once shared a bed and a heart with you. Whatever arrangements you may have had with your current friends with benefits, she’ll top it .
She’s already at your house almost every day to visit your housemates and dogs .If it’s a matter of proximity she’s right there . If it’s an emotional baggage situation, that’s still easier than your recent mishaps.
There you go .
Problem solved ( while creating the attendant problems that come with any relationship).She’s probably at your house while I type this. 🤣
Thanks for your writing as usual 😀
Hopefully next time you show bravery in pursuing love you may be rewarded.
» Posted By James On 16/August/2021 @ 3:16 pm
I’m loving this new series. The get-to-know your neighborhood update is a perfect addition to your writing. The more I read the more I want to rent one of those mansions.
Thanks
» Posted By James On 31/July/2021 @ 4:08 pm
Glad to have you back at your normal self. That Espie gets prettier every year. Don’t get any ideas now, we all know you enjoy spreading joy .
It still surprises me how you’re able to find so many activities in that small town. You’re busier than some full-time employees I know.Are you happier living at the new place or do you still miss the old bigger palace ?
I would’ve have thought some other folks with deep pockets would’ve replaced you at the old mansion by now. Guess the pandemic has limited the number of potential renters everywhere.Sorry to hear about the hiccup with your investments into the bar scene. Your foray into the local businesses as rich mogul will have to wait . It may be cheap for you, but paying that kind of money to buy or lease a business from somebody who doesn’t even own it is a fool’s errand .
I’m sure your partner will find other premises to use for this brilliant business idea . Hopefully you’re not putting too much of your hard-earned money or even emotional involvement in it. Let it be just one of those bucket-list items where you can brag that you’re drinking at your own establishment.Good luck
Thanks for writing as usual
» Posted By James On 04/July/2021 @ 1:23 am
This man is always looking for love. I admire your optimistic attitude. Good for you . Just how many of these gals do you sponsor for their hash activities ?I’m glad that you don’t seem to expect something in return and you’ve come to accept that your generosity is its own reward. Though I suspect that you may have done the no-pants dance with a few of the ladies that you sponsor for the hikes , I won’t ask. I do know that the number of unattached ladies that you covet is quite high. The Venn diagram of sponsorship and covetousness would be interesting.
Keep writing and thank you as usual» Posted By James On 26/May/2021 @ 11:03 pm
Sir
As usual I am thankful for your writing. You know I admire your consistency in writing this blog for so many years. Hopefully you realize that your readers appreciate it .
Granted , your audience takes pleasure in commenting about your life choices , and whether you used that Oxford semicolon correctly; but you still persevere in writing daily. That level of dedication that is hard to maintain in these modern times . Other than your friend Kevin, I don’t think that you personally know many of your readers who so casually offer feedback on your written words.
From the posts I guess you mainly use this medium to share your thoughts on life , and also Facebook where you can reminisce about the good old days and own the libs at the same time. If this was a YouTube comment section the responses would have been even worse. Have you ever considered shooting a YouTube video while out hiking 🚶♂️?This comment has no point other than to commend and offer gratitude for your writing.
And now to offer my critique about your life choices( as if that matters): Keep Joy in your life. You’re getting the best parts of being in a relationship without being in a relationship. It’s all good.
Moving is also the better option. You’ll have a fight about getting your money back and it may delay your lease at the new place; but there are many more houses available for rent and very little demand right now. You won’t be homeless. I guess you don’t really need to save money per se but that extra hundred may be useful to buy more beer or get another friend like Joy if you ever need to. If a little happiness is good then more happiness must be better.That’s it from me . Enjoy the rest of your weekend
» Posted By James On 08/May/2021 @ 7:03 pm
It the rent is so high, how is difficult to get a similar house for a cheaper price? I know, the rumors are that the Philippines doesn’t really work with the laws of demand or supply; but in your pictures there always seem to be big houses in your neighborhood. And I am guessing that with the pandemic there won’t be too many rich folk willing or able to take a house for rent there. But then again, laws of demand and supply.
Like all the others, I think you’re just stalling because of the inconvenience of moving. But then again, moving takes just the one day and the rest of the first month you would be buying furniture and other bits for the new house.
I suspect your reluctance is 2-fold: You really like the place you have because it is the best for your comfort level and you really can afford it. That the other expats there are shocked that you pay almost a thousand dollars per month just shows your and their priorities. Where they have alimony or other financial demands on their limited incomes, you have a relative largess that you have amassed over your working years and you are blessed to have offspring so successful that there is scant a thought of them ever needing a financial boost from you. Take a bow , Sir. You did well in this life. I say, enjoy the benefits. As they say in these parts, you can’t take it with you. That is the literal definition of retirement. Enjoying the amassed fruits of your labor.On a tangent, you wrote a lot about happiness and joy and the sameness of your daily routines., You may get bored of it from time to time, but that’s to be expected. I recently read that ‘happiness comes from solving problems.” Having problems does not in itself bring happiness, but constantly solving newer and better problems is the source of life itself. I dare say that is why some people have been known to create problems when their lives seemed so perfect.
Of course, not all problems are created equal. Elon Musk’s problems are significantly better than mine. But if Elon Musk ever solved all his problems, then he would be the richest miserable prick in the world. That is why it is important to allow ourselves, almost as if by design, to have problems that are challenging and constantly evolving so that we never run out of problems to solve. Of course, the actual happiness comes from solving problems that we enjoy solving. That is a bit of a mouthful.You said yourself that you no longer have lofty career aspirations, and no boardroom meetings to attend. Yet now you are an employer to at least 2 people and responsible in part to their lives and welfare. But more than that, you have adopted friends,acquaintances and lovers that have problems that you have been able to assist in solving. I am sorry that you don’t feel quite as happy in solving those problems yet, mainly because most of them are not actually your problems to solve but you’re participating as an assistant and/or life coach. Since those are other people’s problems, they may not necessarily have your same values and approach to those problems and your solutions are vastly different.
Thanks for reading this far.
And now , my solution to what you may sometimes as a lack of happiness(= lack of good evolving problems to solve): Adopt a project; a youngster. You have tried this before with not much success. As I recall, more than the lack of motivation from the youngster to pursue higher education and accept your guidance; the failure was also on your part in getting a bit entangled when defining what exactly what your role and goal was in supporting a student’s education journey.
In practical terms, you adopt a project but completely separate the emotional connection. They’re not your child, and they probably will never see you as a father figure so you shouldn’t go looking for that either. Instead , it’s just a numbers game. Adopt 3 or 4 and sponsor their textbooks or pencils and encourage them to keep studying as much as possible. Laptops or rent would cost too much and inevitably bring you emotional turmoil if they fail, so something smaller and cheaper like your candy runs would work. I don’t think you put as much emotional value if a child refuses your candy on one of your walks, or if you forget to bring some. It’s a small gesture, but a small problem worth solving. Good news is; students always need a new book or a new pencil, and with a clear boundary of what you are offering you should be able to constantly find problems to solve.
Of course, it goes without saying that you shouldn’t fall in love with any of the ladies involved (the college students), that is a separate issue which I think you have tried to finagle with your current and previous lady friends. Spreading Joy works wonders when you’re clear what problems (your own problems) you are solving. It helps that your, ahem, problems are regular and the need on the other side is not unlimited either. But you need to remember that you are solving your own problem (however you define it), and she is just part of the solution. And she is solving her own problems;; whether she enjoys solving that problem is her own problem.I hope all that makes sense.
We are all taught to have goals. But the problem is that most of our goals(or values) are finite and dead-ended. A big house and a car, 2.5 kids and a picket fence. What happens when we achieve those goals , and thereby finish solving virtually all our problems? Well, hello midlife crisis. Incidentally, it works out the same when we come to an age when we should’ve achieved those goals but we failed; because the goals and problems are static we just come to a standstill. Luckily you achieved your own goals, and even after the failure of one of those ( or shall I say 3?) , you were fortunate or smart enough not to create a set of new problems that you would spend the latter part of your life solving.
Rather than creating problems to solve, it is much better to find problems that already exist and set out to solve them, one at a time in a somewhat sequential manner. You’ll be so busy that when the Good Lawd comes calling you’ll be too consumed in your solving problems you enjoy that they’ll say ‘he went with a smile on his face”.
As far as I am concerned, you are living the good life
tl,dr: Happiness comes from solving challenging evolving problems that we enjoy solving.
» Posted By James On 16/April/2021 @ 6:42 pm
Wow. This post has some avid readers.
I would weigh in with my thoughts but I think that most points have been covered.You have a reputation as a generous man. Of course, I am using that term generously. (if you don’t mind the tautology). Some may see that as a weakness in you, yet others see that as a strength of character. Obviously you have given this a great deal of thought and you have written extensively on the moral aspects of what you are doing.
This is one of those situations that will never get resolved no matter how many times you think about it. It is purely an emotional response paired with a physical urge that vexes your very soul. There is nothing to do but agonize and analyze your actions each time you receive these messages, and you make each decision. It does not get easier; but at some point patterns start to emerge and you’ll notice some regularity. The gals have surely noticed the patterns and know where to send their messages when they need financial assistance.
For better or for worse, you are a well-known individual in your area. But to break your bubble, you have surely noticed that you are in no way unique in this situation as you can attest from some of your other expat friends you socialize with. The only difference is the response that each of you displays..
To be fair, every day on your walks you see and hear things that break your heart. And then you see other things that bring you hope. The fact that you have taken it up upon yourself to do something about this situation is a true testament of your character and it is something that you cannot deny or unlearn. I would even go as far as saying that is the essence of humanity.
Thanks for the writing as usual.
» Posted By James On 18/March/2021 @ 5:13 pm
400 is a bit much for what is supposedly a 3 member household 🤔
What is the actual arrangement with your helpers?
I know that they live on the property but I always thought they lived in an outside dwelling and therefore would be responsible for their own food expenses . But it’s just easier for them to eat the same food seeing as they probably cook it. And that would mean they do the shopping for the household to keep things running smoothly.
I am not sure what the rules are for a live-in-maid.
In a similar case the household would only share in the food side with the main house , but for toiletries and other things they’d be separate. After all, they are getting paid for their work and save a bunch from not paying for electricity,water or rent. A monthly or weekly budget for the main house is all they need. If they’re responsible for the grocery shopping I’m sure you’d have the final approval of what’s on the list and what needs to be added. It’s more fun for all of you to go together for grocery shopping .Good luck with your decisions.
» Posted By James On 25/February/2021 @ 1:38 pm
Never a dull moment in your life. Or perhaps I should say you never fail to document your moments.
Thank you for the writing ✍Interesting to hear that there are some members of the Hash who don’t regularly participate in the hikes. I had assumed that some people might just get busy and have no time to go on the long hikes ,and others may just like the socializing and drinking parts of the group.
I would imagine that there are membership dues to be paid by each member in order for the group to have all those beers and cakes that you pour on people’s heads during your rituals. As I understand it,you personally pay for some of your female friends’ hiking day trip fees; do you also pay for their regular membership fees (are there regular fees not necessarily apportioned for a specific hiking trip?).
As to the breakaway group, I think all your readers already know that you have your own Alta Vista branch that you lead on your own hikes. But you still want to join the bigger group for drinks afterwards. How much time do you really spend socializing after the hikes? If everyone is still tired and sweaty from the hiking I would think it would be just an hour of giving feedback and a few drinks before everyone has to go home. Not too much socializing for those who hadn’t even participated in the actual hiking.
The organization and management should be quite fun, but also one of those thankless tasks that brings only complaints when things go wrong but hardly any praise.
You’ve got your own little side project with your own walking group so more members may join you . Even better,you may even join those who rarely walk but just come for the socializing.It all sounds fun
» Posted By James On 17/February/2021 @ 12:13 pm
All’s well that ends well I guess. Which of your regular readers couldn’t have known what your dinner date with the lady was gonna be about?
Tl;dr : you’ve attached emotions to giving money when the people who ask you for money approach this in a mechanical practical way. It’s sad if this causes you to lose sleep and question your worth as a good person. You’re a good man. And that’s coming from the same people who asked for help and you couldn’t help them. It’s the mark of a good person that they feel bad when they can’t alleviate somebody’s pain.
Elon Musk is the richest person on Earth. California has many homeless poor people. Elon Musk lives in California. How does Elon Musk sleep at night?It’s a long journey. That you feel the need to explain and/or infer that you are a good person because after declining to part with 50000 pesos you gave some money to other needy people is the heartbreaking bit in this piece. You’re fighting on all fronts to still feel good about yourself and at the same time know that you can’t rescue everyone from their own problems. Hell,I heard that both Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos don’t use their trillion dollar fortunes to bail out anybody. Otherwise I would have a piece too coz I have many problems that would take just a few millions to solve.
Kev knows you best and he’s always right when it comes to these kind of things.
I wish you and Troy would actually talk about this openly. It may seem quite sensitive to you , but once you normalize this just as the people who ask for financial assistance do then it won’t be too awkward. Chalk it up to cultural differences. It reminds me of some advice I heard from a union rep. He said that if everyone at a company knows everyone else’s full salary, then that motivates people to work harder. Contrary to popular belief,knowing everyone ‘s pay does not engender jealousy or backstabbing,but it is just a fact just as promotions and job titles are different so then are pay grades. It is precisely because we tend to place such importance and secrecy to money that we can’t handle it correctly.If Troy were to say to you :’ she asked me for 20 000 pesos’,then the 2 of you could swap stories and advice on how to handle such things as they occur in the future. This may be uncomfortable as you each may have to reveal your financial situations to each other or feel some pressure to give more than the other, or a discussion may seem unnecessary as you deem it nobody else’s business. But rest assured; anybody who asks you for financial assistance actually shares that information with their friends (as evidenced by referrals you get from people you don’t even know asking for help). If you share information as friends (even if you withhold financial details) that may help you understand the whole story and it won’t be too awkward. It is unfortunately part of your life and even the poorest expats in your town will get requests for help (actually I suspect that the filipinas who asked you for help would’ve asked for help from other filipnos too. And here lies the crux of the matter. The conundrum,if you will. I imagine that you think that there is some sort of order or ranking system. You think that they start by asking from their closest friends and radiating outwards in their social circle. Or maybe they try to match the magnitude of their financial needs to the person they think would be able to match those needs without regards to social cirlces. Either way; the thinking is that by the time they get to you that they must be so desperate, so needy that they overcome their shame to come to you so rejecting them causes them so much more embarrassment. If that were true then the corollary would be true: they would be so grateful to you that they would spend the next few months trying to make it up to you. They wouldn’t need to pay you back but they could at least be nicer or kinder to you. Or at least pretend to be kinder to you. It only takes a second to realize that that can’t be possibly be true. You bought a new laptop for someone a while ago. She had not really stayed in constant contact with you prior to getting the gift . She definitely didn’t become a better friend to you after getting the gift. And she only really got in touch with you when she needed more financial assistance the next time.
Your generous donation (still exacerbated by the fact that you felt compelled to buy her a brand new laptop instead of going with the original idea just to give her your old one once you upgraded) only bought you an opportunity to be asked for a bigger financial favor. In between those two events, not as much as a “how do you do?” or even just an update of how things were going with studies. As far as investments go this had quite poor returns from beginning to end.You’ve mentioned that you’ve re-purposed the saying that ‘giving is its own reward ‘ to tweak it into ‘I give so that I can get some peace of mind’. Not in so many words but I think that is the gist of it.
Every time you’re up on the trail and you encounter a family living in a rickety shack on the mountain you’re still amazed at how people can live like that and still smile. Well,they’re just like you and I. They have good and bad days. You live in a big house and sometimes you don’t smile. They live on top of the mountain and sometimes they don’t smile. People have the life they have and they just get on with it . It would be boring if we all lived in rickety shacks just as it would be boring if we all lived in mansions. For one ,who would mow my lawn if everyone else also had a huge lawn?Take it from a regular reader: You do more than enough. You give much more than enough. You employ how many people? How many people have a place to live and can support their families? People in the street,girls in bars and restaurants, the woman who you literally hunt down all across town to hand over a few dollars so that she can buy something. (Actually,I think she’s your best friend in the whole town. You may not talk much , but the fact that you look out for her has an intimate quality to it.
I would say that is the only constant in your life and you’ve made it a major part of your life. That is my favorite of your daily routines precisely because it is not flashy or loud,it is not grandiose or self-serving. And most of all ,it is just a thing you do while on your daily walks. Sometimes you find her ,other times you can’t find her but it’s all okay. If you reach that point in your giving and living when you feel like that with anybody, where you feel that it’s just your routine normal life and it’s ok…. That would be the moment you can say : ‘ I have found the meaning of life. It’s just ok’. ) You literally are a whole economic system for people around you. And get this ,if one day you just stopped all this ,all these people would be fine. They would make arrangements and continue on with life. They were fine before they met you. They’ll be fine after they move on.Correct me if I’m wrong,but I feel like in your writing ✍ every time you’re asked to provide financial assistance and you end up not agreeing to the request; not only do you wreck yourself with guilt but you go out of your way to somehow make it up by some other form of a grand gesture.
And on the other hand; I don’t know this for sure but I suspect that the person who asked you for help doesn’t spend more than an hour thinking about you but they move on to another person or try to find another way to solve their problems .Of course, seeing as it is mostly their own behavior and thoughts that brought them to the problems they may never find a solution but they do learn to live with it. Until the next time they encounter another problem and they contact you again (along with other possible candidates).Say ‘no’ enough times and you may go down the list or be skipped entirely. But since you have established a bit of a reputation around the town you’re still gonna field a lot more calls for donations big and small.
Your initial idea of sponsoring just one person and helping them pay it forward is a good one.
An even better way would be finding a way to dissociate your goodness as a person from the money you give as a donation. Kevin has put it succinctly in another post.
Perhaps do kind deeds like helping some kids with their homework or walking their dogs? If your reputation as a good person could be linked to your good deeds with no price tag that would fit into your own lifestyle I think that may be even serve more as an ‘in’ with the local community? Of course; this would expose you more directly to the grinding daily poverty and it doesn’t have the immediacy of taking out your checkbook at every opportunity. Being known by the mountain folk as the guy who helped chop up wood isn’t as glamorous as being the rich dude who bought a laptop for an acquaintance, but it costs less .If you boil it down it’s like this : most of the help you actually get asked to give involves some lady who’s pregnant and needs money for the baby. You’re bailing out deadbeat dads of your town and in most cases you don’t even know the fathers: the men who are literally running away from their own responsibilities.
If you didn’t have any money , how would you help your fellow man? I don’t know your religion but you definitely have Judeo-Christian values that compel you to help others and the price you pay when you can’t do that is guilt.
This turned out to be another long comment; but I did mention that this is the one subject that intrigues me.Thanks for the writing as usual.
» Posted By James On 11/February/2021 @ 2:10 am
Wow. I thoroughly enjoyed this. The growth,the struggle and the mental gymnastics as you come to terms with this is illuminating. This is a topic that I find fascinating so bear with me as I write a longer than usual response.
Tl;dr
She is not your friend and definitely not a potential love interest. Meeting her financial needs would hardly qualify as charity and more like a hit and run 🏃♂️Excellent thoughts on charity and giving in general. I agree your sentiment: giving to those less fortunate may feel like some sort of absolution. Nobody wants to admit it but being relatively comfortable in a sea of poverty often feel like a sin. It’s the juxtaposition that brings it home. But we all know that you’d be on the poorer side if you lived in Monaco ; the other seaside town.
Point being, it is what it is. You did nothing wrong that you have to feel guilty for.Worse of all., a person who only contacts you when they need money wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire. In 7 months you would think that the subject of a pregnancy or a husband would have come up. I hope you weren’t hoping for a romantic liaison with her because that dream died when she took the laptop and split. The fact that you bought her a new laptop instead of bequathing her the old one as you’d intended marked you as soft in her mind.
Kev is right. You’re either a good man(which I believe you are) or you’re not. Maybe you are equating doing good deeds with donations. Giving people money is not necessarily kind. One cannot buy their way into being or remaining a good person.
Unfortunately it may be a bit too late for you. I’m an avid reader of your blog and I can count on 2 hands the number of times that an acquaintance of yours referred a stranger to you so that you could make a financial contribution for their latest problem. Other times you have a Filipina friend who jolts you awake by letting you know that this person has a husband and a family; and that your donation will not buy any affection or higher esteem. On the contrary; you may be marked as a target. That these financial requests don’t come often is a surprise.
You’re not the lender of last resort. You’re just on the list for people who ask and need money 💰
Perhaps you already know this : the filipinas who usually ask for help are not embarrassed or ashamed or attach as much emotional baggage as you would imagine they do when they have to ask for money. It’s just a simple request; you can say yes or no without considering the matter further. They certainly wouldn’t hold it against you if you routinely refused their requests. But you would certainly move down the list of people they turn to for financial assistance for their next problem.Now; if you had a local girlfriend or wife you know none of this would happen. That woman would not dare even think to ask you. I’m sure your friends who are attached would attest to that.
Of course being attached has its own separate issues, but that should be a blog post for another day .Thanks for the writing as usual.
If you’re ever in doubt,just read what you yourself have written in the past. There’s so many life lessons here. I know I have learnt a lot.
» Posted By James On 07/February/2021 @ 5:57 pm
Thanks for the excellent writing ✍
I’ve always wondered,what do y’all do for a living?
I know you’re retired and enjoying life,but what do the other guys do there? And the female hashers as well ,those who have jobs….» Posted By James On 30/December/2020 @ 7:33 pm
Murder in Baloy!! That sounds scary. I guess one should take the necessary precautions even around those sunny beaches. RIP to the gentleman.
The Hash group’s custom of sitting bare-arsed on a block of ice seems like a regular thing. I had imagined it was done on the rare occasion when there are new members or if there was some sort of commemoration. But it looks like y’all just like putting your buns on ice for all to see. Either way, a novel way to cool down after the walk in the steaming heat.
Happy birthday to your daughter. Hard to believe that you have a 45year-old daughter . I have always wondered but never asked, I do wonder how and if your children read this blog and what they think of your unfiltered shenanigans. Other than a few posts that you edited or hidden, your life is bared for all to see and it is a very accurate record of your daily thoughts and activities. I imagine this is as close to a living autobiography as it gets for all concerned .
As always, thank you for the writing. Keep it up and enjoy this early and long Christmas season
» Posted By james On 08/September/2020 @ 4:51 pm
«« Back To Stats PageGlad to see that things are getting better there. Curfews being lifted/or shortened can only be positive for all involved. I didn’t realize that you had 2 helpers. From your description, it seems like one is a nurse/paramedic type and the other is more of an executive assistant. Would you say that is normal for the expats there to have a full-time helper or are you just being extra prepared for anything and everything.
It’s a good sign that you are playing darts again. That unpleasantness with the ex-lovers has not dented your adventures so you can still visit all your favorite places. Small town or not, you gotta live your life even in the midst of this high-school drama.
Keep calm and carry on» Posted By James On 07/September/2020 @ 9:56 am