For I shall always let thee do,
   In generous love, just what I please.
Peace comes, and discord flies away,
   Love’s bright day follows hatred’s night;
For I am ready to admit
   That you are wrong and I am right.

So, here’s a quick update on what’s going on with me, at least to the extent that I have a clue. More of the same for the most part, with the occasional knife twist to the heart. Anyway, I am keeping things in perspective and just trying to enjoy the ride.

Yesterday began early, with ***** arriving on my doorstep at 1:00 in the morning. It was apparent that she had been drinking which is unusual given that she consumes low-alcohol beer very slowly. She said she’d been to the Whiskey Girl bar to see the live band. And then she told the story of how she’d been coerced into attending by her mother and a friend of Dick’s. And of course, he was there too. I guess after she arrived they kept plying her with drinks until she finally found the will to escape.

Alright, I appreciated her honesty. But I wasn’t a happy camper. To begin, when I’d left her that night I was under the impression she would be following me shortly thereafter. Going somewhere else was to my thinking choosing someone else’s company over mine. And yeah, I knew Dick was using her mother as a tool to drive a wedge between us and I was sorry to see it was working. ***** continued to insist Dick was just a friend and there is nothing physical between them. I believe her, but it is disconcerting that she continues to put him ahead of me in too many ways. I did not have a restful night and was reaching the conclusion that the time for me to bail had arrived.

***** slept in and we didn’t leave the house until almost 8:00 a.m. We walked the beach to the Arizona resort and had breakfast there, then walked back on the beach to her place. We talked along the way and she reiterated her stance that Dick was a good customer and that he brought a lot of other friends with him which helps her business. It’s always good to know your relative importance in the grand scheme of things I suppose, but somehow that didn’t make me feel much better. I didn’t end things though, but in my mind, the protective barriers were going up and I was backing off.

I didn’t hear from Pearl during the day, so I messaged her late in the afternoon asking if she were hungry. She responded that she had ordered something from Papagayo, her favorite restaurant. I asked if that meant she wouldn’t be joining me for dinner and she answered with a smiley face. WTF does that mean?

I decided to visit Hideaway bar to see how my friends Joy and Jen, formerly with Finger Monkey, were getting on. I sat down at the bar and they joined me, one on either side. I’d also baked a batch of brownies which everyone seemed to enjoy. I bought them both a lady drink and settled in to enjoy my first beer of the day. Then another girl there that I didn’t recognize asked me about *****. How do you know *****, I asked. I’m her cousin, don’t you remember meeting me at her place? Oh, vaguely. The cousin also remembered me from darts and where my ex-girlfriend used to live. Small town scary! Of course, I bought the cousin a drink too. I also decided to get ahead of the curve by messaging ***** that I was at Hideaway and drinking with her cousin. ***** deleted her first response before I read it, then followed up with “just stay there and have fun.” Hmm. I then sent several follow-up messages regarding dinner and getting together later that she ignored. Her reaction seemed both weird and hypocritical to me. I had another beer then departed Hideaway moving up the highway to It Doesn’t Matter.

When I arrived at IDM, fellow Hashers Jim and Troy were seated in the outdoor section and I joined them at the counter. Ordered up a beer and it was delivered by my favorite waitress, Roan. A bit later, Scott arrived and I learned he was celebrating his 72nd birthday. Way to go, old man!

Sitting there next to Roan got me thinking yet again about those carefree days before I started down the relationship road. Yeah, it may be an empty and meaningless life without love, but then again, the lack of drama and the variety that comes with being a free man are fair compensations. A good reminder that whatever the future may bring I’ll be okay.

A couple of more beers and still no responses from ***** led me to a “fuck it, if she wants to end things she can do it to my face” decision. So, off I went to her bistro. When I arrived, ***** was seated at the outside table with three other men, one of whom I’m acquainted with. Dick was inside with the mother. I ordered a beer and sat down at the counter and I was happy to see ***** pull up a stool and join me. The other guys included me when they bought their next round of beers and I reciprocated. And that’s how things continued for the next couple of hours.

Oh, I did get roped into being the group DJ. ***** asked that I do a Bluetooth connection with her sound system and play music from my Spotify account. At the table the discussion turned to classic rock and talented guitar players, and I was besieged with song requests to play. No problem. It was actually kind of fun. Dick came out after a while and joined the group at the table, He also had some song requests and things were amicable between us throughout the evening.

I’d reached my consumption limit (perhaps exceeded it some) at 10:00 and announced my departure. ***** said she’d join me later. She arrived around midnight. She told me after I left, Dick had vomited. She said she was worried for him because he has no one to take care of him when he is ill. Again, I think she is sincere in her concern, but I wasn’t interested in hearing it. I went back to sleep while she was showering.

I was up at my usual 4:30 a.m. to start my morning rituals. I also baked up a batch of blueberry muffins for breakfast. When I had finished my chores, I took one of those pills I bought and went back to bed to cuddle with *****. When she awoke she responded to my touch and we had an amazing session. Honestly, I think she is the best I’ve ever had, and I’ve experienced well over 100 women in this life of mine. She has a passion that is so satisfying to experience.

While she was cleaning up, I took Buddy for a walk.

When I returned home, I fried up some bacon to go with the muffins and we enjoyed a fine breakfast together. Afterward, we sat on the couch and she reiterated that her feelings for Dick were platonic, but she does really care for him as a friend. I told her I thought getting involved with him, even as a friend, was a mistake. But I also said she was a grown woman and I was not going to tell her what to do.

We kind of left the topic there because I caught a glimpse of that sweet ass and we wound up back in the bedroom for Round 2.

After we had gotten dressed again, ***** surprised me by offering to join me on my morning walk. Cool, let’s go! We had a pleasant enough hike through the backstreets of San Isidro. At one point I said something about my being willing to step aside if she decided she wanted to pursue something with Dick. I was being sincere, but she took it wrong and was offended. I pointed out that to me, that’s what love is all about–making the happiness of your partner more important than your own. Recited something from that old “if you love someone, let them go…” saying and she seemed more accepting. She reassured me again that they were just friends.

We did have a little excitement towards the end of our hike. We were on a back street in Alta Vista and as we passed the only house on the block, a couple of dogs came out through the fence barking aggressively. Pearl was a little scared, but my mailman experience taught me to respond to aggression with more aggression and most dogs witl back off. What you don’t want to do is turn your back on them, and these dogs were inching closer as we tried to move up the road. I turned around to face them, pulled off my ball cap, and started yelling and waving it around. And then the Filipina owner came out and instead of controlling her dogs, started yelling and cussing at me to leave her dogs alone. Well, that pissed me off and I started yelling back at her to keep her dogs in the yard. It went on like that back and forth for a bit, and I guess I made some kind of face at her, then we walked on. As we passed the shack where the guards live one was outside and I told him what happened. He said he’d speak with the woman. Okay, good enough.

And just a few minutes ago, my helper said the guard had some questions for me and was waiting outside. I walked out to find two guards, the woman I had the confrontation with, and her partner (they are a lesbian couple, not that it matters). Anyway, we began by reiterating the events that led to our disagreement–she thought I was trying to hurt her dogs and I said I was just trying to keep them away. Then she said she was sorry for being so aggressively loud and I apologized for the misunderstanding of her intentions and my rude behavior. We shook hands and that was that.

After our hike, ***** went on her way to the business with the promise of joining me this afternoon for whatever activities we want to share. And as I sat down to write this post my phone rang and it was *****. She told me she was going to get Dick some medicine. I responded, “okay, then.” She ended the call with a see you later. Whatever that means.

And the saga continues.