“Human beings are remarkable – at what we can learn to live with. If we couldn’t get strong from what we lose, and what we miss, and what we want and can’t have, then we couldn’t ever get strong enough, could we? What else makes us strong?”
–John Irving
Obviously you can’t live in the past. Learning to let the past go and move on with you life is both challenging and necessary. In many ways I’ve done better of late in that regard. But sometimes those bastards at Facebook and their godforsaken “memories” feature drag me back to days gone by.
I think that’s my favorite picture of Loraine, although I don’t spend much time picking at the scabs on my heart to look at old photos from days gone by. The fact that I’m able to even post this one now is a milestone on the road to my leaving her behind once and for all. Admittedly, she made that easier by turning her back on the friendship I had attempted to maintain despite her betrayal. Ah well.
It did give me cause to consider my track record here in the PI since making the move. If you are keeping score, it looks like this:
Eva–the woman I considered my best friend. She had visited me twice in Korea and I was looking forward to having someone I could trust and rely on as I started my new life in a foreign land. Instead shortly after the move she ghosted me for reasons I still can’t understand. Hurt like hell though.
Gem–they say you can’t put a price tag on friendship, but Gemma has sadly proven otherwise. Regular readers may recall that she was the first woman I dated after the Loraine fiasco. And while the relationship did not blossom into a “love” thing (at least for me) I did value Gem’s friendship. So, we she asked to “borrow” a substantial amount of money to help her out of a short term emergency I didn’t hesitate to do what a friend would do in those circumstances. And all I’ve gotten since then is a string of broken promises. She has pretty much ceased contact with me now, although the last time I heard from her it was to tell me the money would be on its way in a few days. That was weeks ago. Whatever. The lies hurt more than the financial hit to be honest. Live and learn as they say. I still live, but will I ever learn?
Maria–another woman I had dated and then tried to maintain as a friend when the romance didn’t work out. She unfriended me on Facebook a while back because her new beau was jealous of me. Yeah, I can understand her doing that. I’m the past, he’s the future. Good luck, best wishes and all that jazz.
Marissa–I honestly don’t have a clue what I’m doing with her. She’s crap as a girlfriend so we have been doing the “friends with benefits” thing (or at least I have). Although honestly she’s been pretty disappointing as a friend as well. I almost walked away for good a couple of weeks ago but somehow managed to get sucked back in. Sometimes I’m just a weak and lonely old fool I suppose. I don’t pretend there is any future other than being drinking and fucking buddies. One of these days I’ll have to man up and let go for good. I mean, she’s a good woman and I don’t want to see her hurt. She deserves better. And so do I.
Moving on.
Alright. The future awaits. Let’s get on with it!
Like every young man, I had some things that I
Wanted to say
Ere I could begin, you know the world got
In my way
Oh Lilah, just sleep like a baby
To open the window and feel the fair wind
Oh Lilah, just sleep like a baby again
We spend so much time weeping and wailing and
Shaking our fists
Creating enemies that really don’t exist
Oh Lilah, to sleep like a baby?
Just open the window and feel the fair wind
Oh Lilah, to sleep like a baby again
All these comings and goings that cut like a knife
These small, simple pleasures that make up a life
A man needs a home, and a child, and a wife
To always be there
Always
After I’m gone, there are some things that I know
I will miss:
The taste of your mouth, the smell of the perfume
On your wrist
Oh, Lilah, the fields lie fallow
Whate’r ye sow, so shall ye reap
Oh Lilah, this ground we hallow
Is ours to tend, but not to keep
UPDATE: It seems I used the “Past forgetting” title on a post back in August 2017. Ah, I guess I forgot about that.
There must be some way to turn that damn “Memories” function off.
No?
Haha…You don’t have to click on it, it’s an offer to view memories, not a requirement. Imagine what I could do with a little self-discipline!
Ah. In that case, I’ll leave you to your self-torture. Zen Buddhists say hell is right here if you bring it with you.