Just a quick post before I head out for today’s Hash. I suspect that I will be in no condition to blog when I return from that endeavor. Not that I’ve got much to share now either, but what I’ve got is yours!

I’m not sure what it is about the Sunday lockdown, but they really do a number on me. I let things get up all in my head where they fester to the point of depression. And it really is my fault. Across the bridge in Subic, there is no lockdown and I could easily make my way there to get some walking in and clear my mind a little. But nope, I just make excuses and don’t do shit. Anyway, it’s somewhat better now and maybe come next weekend I can be a little more disciplined. We’ll see.

So, in the depths of my despair, I’m scrolling through the Quora forums and I randomly came across this:

So I’m 72 and a bachelor never married, no kids. And not lonely. To tell you the truth, there’s lots of peace and quiet around my apartment, I like that. Altho certainly it would be nice to have a “Besty” but I’ve found that relationships are a real give and take thing and I just like the idea of me doing what I want and not having someone over my back, giving me suggestions/advice every day all the time, (not that every relationship is like that but….) or having to get their approval to do something. You call it loneliness, I call it freedom. If your not happy with what’s flying around inside your head, well, you gotta do something about that, and depending on someone else may work for you or the 2 of you but someday, your gonna be alone and if you don’t know how to handle it its gonna be a rough ride. I realize that I’m probably going to be one of those that end up dead in their apartment, but thats ok, I’ll have lived my life how I wanted.

Man oh man, I really admire that old geezer. He has achieved the state of mind I long for. Whether I can actually get to that level of bliss is another matter, but his words were inspirational regardless.

I’m still not clear on where things are going with Jessa. The potential is there for something special I think but she has a relationship to end before we can really get started. I have no reason to doubt that she is as she claims “worth waiting for” but I’ve never been a patient man. Although she calls what we are doing “dating” it sure doesn’t feel that way to me. Especially the part about nothing physical happening between us.

Anyway, on the plus side, I’m enjoying our online banter. Jessa’s got a good head on her shoulders and a better command of English than anyone I’ve “dated” for years. Today I shared some poetry with her and she professed to like it. A girlfriend I could recite poetry to would indeed be something special. Here’s one I shared with her:

It was a night of early spring,
The winter-sleep was scarcely broken;
Around us shadows and the wind
Listened for what was never spoken.

Though half a score of years are gone,
Spring comes as sharply now as then—
But if we had it all to do
It would be done the same again.

It was a spring that never came;
But we have lived enough to know
That what we never have, remains;
It is the things we have that go.

Sare Teasdale

Oh well, I’m going to take it slow and easy (as if I have a choice) and see where it leads. Perhaps by some miracle, I will come to enjoy being alone with myself and not need to engage in these fruitless pursuits of love. Probably not though.

Time to Hash. I can maybe clear my head on trail and then drown whatever sorrows remain at the On-Home.

On-On!