The gathering to honor the memory of Don Bullock at IDM yesterday was thought-provoking. Lots of people we both knew were there, so it was good to see some old familiar faces. I offered the usual condolences to his widow and enjoyed seeing his children looking healthy and happy as they might be under the circumstances. It’s cliche to say “life goes on,” I suppose, but for those in attendance, that seemed to be the modus operandi. What else are you going to do? Don ain’t coming back, and we are still here doing what he’d be doing if he was alive. Cheers to a life well lived and to the friends you left behind!
I guess maybe it is my selfish nature to use the occasion of someone’s death to think of my own inevitable passing. Not so much about the when and how; ultimately, it doesn’t matter if I go from COPD, crossing the National highway, or being fucked to death by a sexy Filipina. Obviously, I’m in no hurry to reach that final destination, but the day comes for all of us. I guess what’s been on my mind is the feeling that my death won’t matter because I’m not an important part of anyone’s life. Sure, I have my kids, but I’ve not seen them for three years and rarely even hear from them these days. They are living their lives, and I’m not part of that. That’s fine; after all, this is the life I’ve chosen to spend on the other side of the world. I’m sure the people I know here would be sorry to see me go, but I wouldn’t be leaving any voids to fill either. And that’s okay, too.
I just wonder why that is. If no one is close to me, it must be my fault for not allowing them more than peripheral access to the person that I am. Or maybe they’re not trying hard enough to know me. Or both. It really doesn’t matter. I’ll continue on with my lonely journey, and perhaps one day, I’ll encounter a fellow traveler to join me. If not, then at least no one will have the power to hurt me again.
Enough of this mental masturbation. Life is what it is, we make the best of it until it is gone, and then we no longer have to worry about whether or not we are doing it right.
There are traditions that must be honored, like feeding the hungry. Tonight the Hideaway girls will be enjoying roast chicken from Chooks to Go. I baked up some cornbread muffins to add substance to the meal.
Yeah, I guess the Hideaway girls will miss me if and when I’m gone.
Oh, please help me, oh, please help me, I'm livin' by myself. I need someone to comfort me, I need someone to tell. I'm sorry for the things I've done, I've shamed myself with lies, But soon these things are overcome And can't be recognized. I left my love with ribbons on And water in her eyes. I took from her the love I'd won And turned it to the sky. I'm sorry for the things I've done, I've shamed myself with lies, My cruelty has punctured me And now I'm running dry.
Don Bullock
IDM
COPD
I had to Google those words to see what’s going on. sorry for your loss.
and sorry to hear that the events made you ponder your own demise.
As you say , the cliche about life going on is the only true thing we know 🎶 We know nothing else but that. And even then, each of us will get our turn at the whole death thing. Might as well get on with life while we got it 👍 🤷
The way I see it, you being retired and living in the tropics is probably the best option you had and you took it . Second-best would’ve been living in the villages in Florida, and enjoying all the good times but also limiting your female companions to women almost your age. Maybe that would’ve been great because you’d have more things to talk about, and from what I hear and read from STD reports, the residents of the Villages do have some fun in between shuffleboard and BINGO. And from the support of Laura Loomer, I think that would give you something to be passionately angry about, and get actively involved.
Would your children contact you more frequently? Would you spend more time with your grandchildren if you were only a few hours flight away instead of several time zones on the other side of the world 🌎 I guess we’ll never know for sure.
well, I have added to your mental masturbation, and now we both know it is messy, time-wasting and also a little disgusting.
Back in the real world, Joy is waiting for her dinner and drinks 🍸, and she’ll come visit your house during the week. If you were in Florida, you’d probably be watching TV and listening to Muriel in unit 4 complaining about her nurse not giving her the correct medication, or old Jerry yelling about the democrats eating his cereal.
I, too, have been known to spend hours thinking about what could’ve been. Like what if I didn’t steal that bike in 5th grade , or what if my old man had taken that job out of state 😳
A wise man once said : gotta live the life in front of us instead of what could’ve should’ve might’ve.
I am sure Don Bullock lived the best life he could, and never spent a moment wondering about his niece Sandra Bullock and what she was up to. You’re clearly not Don Bullock so why even bother thinking about what your non-existent filipina family will think when your time comes? When that moment comes ,people will gather and say nice things. Many will weep and drink, others will smile through their tears. Many more will read your thoughts here and write even more. And you won’t be even around to thank them for their words.
But tonight you will tell your funny jokes to your regular friends and there will be celebrations 🍾
Sir John still is an active member of the community, and there is still plenty of beer to be drunk
No desire to reconnect more intensely with your blood relatives? You’ve very occasionally written lovingly about your granddaughter Gracyn; your son Kevin gets a mention a couple times a year, and one of your daughters does, too. You feel no motivation to visit the American branches of your family several times a year, now that you’re retired and certainly have the bucks to do so? Why might that be?
To be clear, I’m not accusing you of anything: I certainly have no moral leg to stand on regarding family. After all, I’m not on speaking terms with my dad, as you know, and I have pretty emotionally strong reasons for never wanting to see that person again. I do miss my mom intensely, though, even all these years after her death.
Koreans in general have a very strong sense of family; they often think Westerners tend to be colder, e.g., when it comes to kids’ gaining their independence and leaving the nest. While many Western parents can and do experience empty-nest syndrome, Koreans feel that sort of thing much more keenly, partly because Korean society is less individualistic and more group-oriented. So there’s a trade-off in terms of cultural values and personal satisfaction. Koreans may have a stronger sense of family, but Korean kids become independent, functioning adults much later in life than American kids, with many Korean boys (in particular) not learning commonsense things like how to take care of themselves, how to do chores, etc. All that’s done by Mom, then later by the military. When Korean guys get married, their wives take on the role of the mother—the guy goes from being taken care of by his biological mother to being mothered by his wife. And from the wife’s point of view, taking care of her husband is a lot like taking care of her very first child—before she even has a baby of her own. The newlywed husband is the first baby, requiring constant care. Korean men often grow up spoiled and knowing nothing.
At the same time, I can see why Koreans think the Western way is cold. “Boy, I can’t wait until the kids are finally outta the house” is a thought you’ll never hear expressed by Korean parents, but it’s a common sentiment I’ve heard expressed in the States. So maybe your emotional distance from your own family is just a function of being Western. Then again, I look at my French host family, and despite it being a stereotypically huge Catholic brood, all the family members, of several generations, remain warmly in contact with each other. My French “brother” Dominique’s parents, whom I call Maman and Papa, live only 700 meters away from Dominique.
Zooming back a bit, I’d say that you’re definitely in a bind of your own making. If you don’t reach out often to your family, why would they feel motivated to reach out to you? And given your chickadee-chasing lifestyle, which makes sense to you given the crowd you hang out with (“everybody here does it”), your American relatives probably look on that with a degree of queasiness. From your perspective, they might seem prudish. From their perspective, they may be wondering why you didn’t find someone years ago and settle down with her. Maybe your frequently serial monogamy has made you some sort of black sheep among your US relatives!
I don’t know. I’m only speculating. In the end, though, if you feel that your emotional distance from your family is a problem, then if it’s urgent enough, you’ll do something to solve the problem. If you distantly think it’s a problem but feel no immediate urge to solve it, then the status quo will simply continue until you’re six feet under. And in the event of your demise, people might not even know that you’re gone if you’ve got no system in place for informing them. The ripples you leave in life depend upon the ripples you choose to make. If you’re really looking to make a big splash in the world, then you’ll need to engage yourself in a massive, high-risk project that results in a splash—whatever “splash” might mean: emotional impact among your blood relatives? The fame and fortune that come from writing a memoir? Something else? Only you can determine that.
There’s probably a desire for immortality lurking in everyone’s heart. “Making an impact,” or even “being mourned”—these are ways to gain some sort of continuation, some way to continue rippling forward in other people’s lives. But people who retreat from potential and actual loved ones can’t really expect to be remembered by those who count. The women you’re currently helping with your money? Well, I don’t doubt it’s a noble gesture you’re making, but I can’t shake the feeling that you’re merely throwing good money after bad, and in such situations, why would the recipients of your generosity bother to remember you? It might be different—as with the student(s) you’re sponsoring—when your dedication to a single life, over a long period of time, can help bring meaning. That ought to engender a feeling of gratitude for what you’ve done, especially if your gestures of care are more than just financial, e.g., by involving yourself personally in the life/lives of the student(s) you’re sponsoring. Those people are, ideally, the ones who will remember you when it’s time for remembrance.
Oh dear. This has turned out to be a bit of an introspective tearjerker splash zone.
At least we are all thinking
Back to the fun times of the Barrio.
I meant to ask about other subdivisions besides your own. I know you’re not a big fan of initiating conversations with other male members of the species;but I have come to realize the power of this comment section to nudge you in certain directions.
while you’re working on some form of bar hopping map – which you’ll get to to in due time; may I impose a little bit?
I want to know about how the other rich folks in town live. There is a place called Buenaventura, and though it’s not as grand as your Alta Vista, it must house some men of your age and tax bracket. Would you happen to know any? How high the rent goes, how nice it is, how wonderful the neighbors are and so on
Other than the mountain families, I am sure those are the only people with good views on this side of the main road , or the bay…I am not sure of directions
Also, I have always wondered if bar owners lived in huge mansions like yourself; or if they preferred to have an upstairs penthouse apartment on the premises of their establishment in order to keep an eye on things.
Dave is a tycoon so clearly he must live in a huge apartment in the city center, and the Aussie Thumbstar fella must probably stick around close by
I always say that take the age your old man passed, then add 10 years because of advancements in medical technology 🙄
If you don’t have any genetic diseases then you should be fine 👌
keep doing what you’re doing Mr. Long time Gone
If anything, your writing will get a major boost whenever the good Lawd calls you up to the big doors in the sky
As usual, thanks for the writing ✍️
You may not know it, but many people are reading what you’re writing…and you’re admired for your dedication to what’s essentially a thankless task . Don Bullock had his life , and you have yours
Thanks, James. My dad made it to 83, so if your scenario plays out, I’ve still got a long road ahead of me. The main thing for me is being healthy enough to keep doing the things I enjoy right up to the end. Guess we’ll have to wait and see.
Ted, interacting with my commenters is one of the pleasures of blogging, so nudge away!
Other than Alta Vista, the only other subdivisions I’m familiar with are Santa Monica and Sierra Hills. Santa Monica is old, flat, and tends to flood. There are some nice houses there, but a lot of them are in late-stage deterioration. I don’t recommend it. Sierra Hills is next door to Santa Monica but newer and has more elevation. In addition to nice houses, they have some multi-story duplexes that look really nice. Both of those subdivisions are on the Subic side of the river, which makes them somewhat less convenient to access the Baretto bars.
I’ve never actually been through the gate at Buenaventura, but my impression is that it is more of an apartment complex than a subdivision. It’s right on the main highway in Barretto, so it doesn’t get much better than that for barhopping. It’s pretty popular with expats, and vacancies are rare from what I’ve heard. I found this vlog that features Buenaventura you may enjoy. I don’t think there are any good views from this complex, though.
Jay from Hot Zone lives upstairs from his bar, and I believe Jerry from Alaska lives behind his. Dave has a duplex on Baloy, but I think his “mansion” is in Makati (Manila). I don’t know the Thumbstar guy.
Anyway, hope that helps.
Kev, yeah, I have almost no contact with either of my brothers and only hear from my kids on holidays and birthdays. I visited once after my move to the PI, and of course, I have been trapped here for most of the time since. I will likely plan a visit next year. I honestly got depressed during my last visit because I was constantly reminded of the life I shared with Jee Yeun there.
Anyway, there is no bad blood that I know of, they are just living their lives, and I’m too far away to be a part of that. And yes, I’m as much or more to blame for not making more of an effort to maintain those relationships. During the years after retiring that I was living in the USA part-time, we had lots of shared experiences–eating out, babysitting, etc. So, I do believe it is mostly a matter of distance. During all these years that I’ve been living overseas (17+), no one from my family has come to visit.
I know my DIL doesn’t approve of my lifestyle here, and she has let me know she doesn’t approve of what I post here on the blog, worrying that the grandkids will find it and read about their perverted grandfather. Oh well, I am what I am, and make no apologies for it.
Anyway, being remembered or missed or whatever isn’t likely to matter in the big scheme of things; it was just something I thought about at Don’s memorial–would anyone come to mine? I reckon I won’t care one way or the other. I think you are right, though–paying the rent or giving grocery money doesn’t really make a difference long term. My current “good deed” project of helping Bhel get the heart surgery her son needs could literally save a life. I hope I can be a part of making that happen.
As always, thanks for the honest and thoughtful comment. Bottom line, at a minimum, I need to do better with my blood relationships. And if I want to be a bigger part of the lives I encounter here, I need to open up and take steps to make that happen.
Well said, Bob. To be honest, living in a retirement community anywhere in the USA sounds like a nightmare to me. Life here is far from perfect, but I’m living it large and mostly enjoying the things I do. With my ability to travel now restored, I expect I’ll be gaining new perspectives and appreciation for the things I have.
Yes, when I had the part-time life in South Carolina (six months there, six months in Korea), the kids were a big part of it. The distance is as much physical as it is emotional; I need to get back on track for an annual visit at least.
Heh, I just had to Google Laura Loomer, never heard of her. But yeah, I am glad to be far away from the snakepit of American politics.
I sometimes think of those “what if” moments in life, too. And you are right; we have to travel the road we are on–those other paths not taken are just a distraction.
My road does indeed pass right through the bar district, and there are many hungry and thirsty bargirls waiting for my arrival. Every life has a purpose, it seems!
Thanks again for the insightful comment, Bob
thanks for the information
I don’t know how you got so lucky….but it seems like u nabbed one of the best houses in the best neighborhood in town. Other than Dave’s BGC mansion, I don’t believe anybody has anybody comes close to your comfort zone .
Keep living your life ✨️ just the way you like 👍
good luck on the hike
Thanks, Teddy. Yeah, I’m living a blessed life. I’ve got neighbors who live even larger than I do, but I’m satisfied with what I have.