Things went fine on my personal Hash trail yesterday, other than it being a little bit boring. The Hare’s trail was 6K long, and mine was a tad over 7K, so you can’t accuse me of shortcutting. Of course, a Guenter trail has several climbs and descents and is much more challenging than my one-up, one-down route. The other “cripples” did a shorter and easier version of the Hare’s trail (most on the My Bitch route), but I just wasn’t feeling like going that way again. Anyway, it is what it is, and I have no regrets. There comes a time when you just embrace your limitations and go out and do what suits you best.

A few beers later, and it was time to call it a night. And so another Hash Monday was survived, and no falls this week.

Well, I’ve always known women have a monthly period, but now I see they have an annual monthly here in the Philippines.

Onward in the March 2018 LTG archives, with a post about my career’s final team-building excursion to the Byeonsan National Park way down south on the West Sea. Damn, it was one of the most beautiful places I’d seen for the first and last time in Korea. But what I miss most are the people I shared those memories with. Lots of photos in that post, so have a look if you are so inclined.

Today’s YouTube video features the tale of the vlogger who moved to the Philippines with a $2,000-a-month income and was broke in six months. Um, that’s what happens when you spend more than you earn. And his excuse about not thinking of pesos in terms of dollars is just about as ignorant. I use 50 pesos to the dollar, which makes calculating pretty easy. I tend to live large and spend large (2200 pesos at IDM last night is a good example), but I have a budget three times the size of his. Even so, I find clean, comfortable hotel rooms for half the price he was paying. You can get by on two grand a month here, but you have to be smart about it.

Let’s move on to the humor. Sometimes, real life can be funnier than a joke. Especially if you are stupid:

You really can’t make this stuff up. Some of these moments are so unbelievable, they sound like jokes—but they actually happened.

1. The McNugget Mystery

Recently I stopped by McDonald’s and noticed the menu offered Chicken McNuggets in orders of 6, 9, or 12.

So I said to the teenager at the counter, “I’d like a half-dozen nuggets.”

She looked at me and replied, “We don’t have half-dozen nuggets.”

“You don’t?” I asked.

“No,” she said seriously. “We only have six, nine, or twelve.”

I blinked. “So… I can’t order a half-dozen, but I can order six?”

“That’s right.”

I just shook my head and said, “Okay… I’ll take six nuggets.”

Unbelievable… but apparently true.

It reminded me of the same place where I once asked for sweetener for my coffee and was told, “We don’t have sweetener—only sugar or Splenda.”

2. The Checkout Divider

Another time I was checking out at Walmart with just a few items. The woman behind me placed her groceries right up against mine on the conveyor belt.

To keep them separate, I grabbed one of those little divider bars and placed it between our items.

After the cashier scanned everything I bought, she picked up the divider and started turning it over in her hands, searching for the barcode so she could scan it too.

After a moment she looked at me and asked, “Do you know how much this costs?”

I said, “Actually… I’ve changed my mind. I don’t think I’ll buy that today.”

She simply nodded. “Okay.”

I paid for my things and left. She never realized what had just happened.

But the woman behind me was trying very hard not to laugh.

3. Online Shopping… Sort Of

At work one day, I noticed a woman repeatedly sliding her credit card into the floppy-disk drive on her computer and quickly pulling it back out.

Confused, I asked what she was doing.

She replied, “I’m shopping online, and the website keeps asking for my credit card number. So I’m using the ATM thing on the computer.”

I didn’t even know what to say.

4. The Remote That Wouldn’t Work

One afternoon I saw a young woman standing beside her car, looking very upset and wiping away tears.

I asked if she needed help.

She explained, “I knew I should have replaced the battery in my remote door unlocker. Now it won’t work and I can’t get into my car. Do you think that store over there might have the right battery?”

I asked, “Does your car have an alarm system too?”

“No,” she said. “Just this remote.”

She handed me the remote and her car keys.

I simply took the key… put it in the door… and unlocked it.

Then I handed the keys back and said, “Why don’t you drive over there and check for the battery? It’s a long walk.”

5. The Photocopier Trick

Years ago we had an intern who wasn’t exactly the quickest thinker.

One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, “I’m almost out of typing paper. What should I do?”

The secretary replied, “Just use some paper from the photocopier.”

The intern nodded, took her last blank sheet of paper, placed it on the copier… and made five “copies” of it.

Five completely blank sheets.

6. The Emergency Call

A worried mother once called 911 because her young child had eaten some ants.

The dispatcher calmly told her, “Give him a little antihistamine medicine and he should be fine.”

The mother replied, “Oh… well, I already gave him some ant killer.”

The dispatcher paused for a moment and then said, “Ma’am, please take your child to the emergency room immediately.”

Sometimes real life is stranger—and funnier—than anything you could invent.

We’ll leave it at that for today. Thanks for dropping by. I really do appreciate my readers.

HaHa, I hadn’t heard this song in so long I’d forgotten it existed. But, damn, it seems more relevant than ever now. You listening, Iran?