The sad ending to my worst-ever Hash experience. UpChuck rode on the same jeepney to the trail. Being my usual slowpoke self, I soon fell behind, and he passed me once we started hiking. I’ll never see him again.

I didn’t know UpChuck personally, but another Hasher told me he’d been with the La Union Hash since it began 43 years ago. Word on the street is that he had a pacemaker. I guess it—and/or his heart—gave out on the final climb of the “easy” trail, a climb I was thankfully able to avoid. This is the first time a fellow Hasher has died while doing the same Hash trail I was on.

So, here are the positives and negatives associated with the La Union Hash Run yesterday:

Here’s how they were described:

VIP 3 km Easy walk

Nice easy trail slow incline to the top of a hill then down to the drink stop.Please bring plenty of water.

Medium trail 6 km Easy to hard trail

You need to be fit for this trail 50% of the trail is in the jungle woods and riverbeds with plenty of shade .Trail has one warm up hill and one big hill just bring plenty of water for this trail.

Long trail 9 km Easy

This is a stunning scenic trail has everything two hills that are not hard , lots of ups and downs with great views.Please bring plenty of water

Well, someone in La Union needs to look up “easy” in the dictionary. The long trail may have been easier than the medium trail, but that didn’t make it easy. The description made it sound like a stroll in the park, but it was an ass-kicker.

That “first hill” was a long, steady climb that went on for 2K. The second hill was steeper but shorter. And there was no mention of the third hill—the one UpChuck died on.

Anyway, most of the Hashers in attendance chose the long option, filling two jeepneys for the ride to the start. I’m told only two Hashers opted for the medium trail. Had the trail been described honestly, I likely would have taken the easy route and added some distance on my own. I don’t like being misled. NEGATIVE.

The jeepney ride to the trailhead took an hour, including a stop for fuel. Why the fuck didn’t he get gas before picking up the Hashers? Jeepneys aren’t exactly comfortable for long rides. In Subic, we rent a bus for long trips to the trailhead. During the ride, I started to feel I’d made a bad decision. I wondered if it was a premonition of something disastrous in my future. It turns out it wasn’t my doomsday—but someone was destined to die. NEGATIVE.

The scenery along the way was indeed beautiful. I especially enjoyed the farmland we passed through near the beginning of the trail. POSITIVE

The trail was exceptionally well-marked. POSITIVE

One thing the La Union Hash has always done that I’ve respected is that they use “sweepers” on the trail—people who come behind to assist the stragglers and strugglers. One of our Subic Hashers was far behind everyone else, but the sweeper stayed with her to make sure she found her way. As my group neared the 6K mark, we ran into another sweeper. He said we were way behind and still had another hill to climb—the third one no one had mentioned. The sweeper suggested we take a different path down and said he’d have the jeepney meet us there. We all enthusiastically agreed. POSITIVE.

After the excruciating jeepney ride back to the on-home venue, Tropical Garden Hotel, we were guided into a vacant field next door for the Hash Circle. It was dark, there was nowhere to sit, and I was still soaked with sweat and rainwater. (Yeah, we had a couple of showers along the way, but I can’t blame the Hash organizers for that.) Anyway, I just wasn’t feeling it, so I said, “Fuck it, I’ll skip the Circle.” I went back inside the hotel and waited for the post-Hash feeding. NEGATIVE.

The food selection was very limited, and none of it looked that appealing to me. When I asked the server for a second chicken wing, I was told each Hasher was allowed only one. All right, then. I should have just ordered from the menu. NEGATIVE.

So, that’s my take on the Hash. We walked the kilometer or so back to the Go Resort and hung out there drinking beers and chatting with the Subic contingent for another hour before calling it a night and hitting the hay.

We were up this morning, fresh and rested for that long-ass drive back to Barretto. At least the traffic was surprisingly light today. (All Saints’ Day and the day after are national holidays in the Philippines.) And best of all, I made it home alive!

Here are some photos I took during Hash:

Here’s a short video I made around the Go Resort just before heading out for the Hash trail:

And there you have the story of the day. And sorry to disappoint, but I need to end this post now. The travel day killed my time to blog. I’ll be back with the LTG archives, YouTube video, and song of the year features tomorrow.

Let me leave you with this. As I was trying to think of a title for today’s post, this old song from Three Dog Night came into my head for some reasons. Hadn’t even thought of this tune for decades.