It’s been a rough couple of days as I sought acceptance and tried to contemplate a future alone. And then this morning we talked again. It was a difficult conversation, but we’ve decided to stay together. Maybe I didn’t dodge the bullet completely, because I still feel wounded, but this is probably my best option going forward. One day at a time, and we’ll see where life takes us.
Last night I attended the annual RSL (Returned and Services League) reverse raffle at Queen Victoria Bar. The event is the big fundraiser for a group that does a lot of local charity projects. I had 3000 pesos in tickets and came away with zero prizes. Ah well, it was for a good cause, and there was plenty of beer to help drown my sorrows.
I did my nightcap at Snackbar and got to see another ex cuddling with her new squeeze. I am happy she found someone who suits her better than I did. I got a chuckle when a new waitress introduced herself, saying it was her fourth day on the job. I welcomed her with a lady drink, and she sat with me at my table. She asked me to guess how old she was; I shrugged and said, 23? Nope, I’m 18. I grinned and told her, “My granddaughter just turned 21.” I guess that surprised her, because she pulled out her phone and showed me a photo of her mother, who is 35. Yeah, I did the math. Oh, and the waitress also has a five-month-old baby at home. Welcome to the Philippines!
Then it was home for another fitful night’s sleep alone in my bed. Perhaps today will be better.
Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.
And he raised his head and looked upon
the people, and there fell a stillness upon
them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to
him,
Though the sword hidden among his
pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in
him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he
crucify you. Even as he is for your growth
so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and
caresses your tenderest branches that quiver
in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and
shake them in their clinging to the earth.
•
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto
himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred
fire, that you may become sacred bread for
God’s sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you
that you may know the secrets of your
heart, and in that knowledge become a
fragment of Life’s heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only
love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover
your nakedness and pass out of love’s
threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you
shall laugh, but not all of your laughter,
and weep, but not all of your tears.
•
Love gives naught but itself and takes
naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be
possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say,
“God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am
in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course
of love, for love, if it finds you worthy,
directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil
itself.
But if you love and must needs have
desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook
that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own under-
standing of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart
and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate
love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with grati-
tude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the
beloved in your heart and a song of praise
upon your lips.
--Kahlil Gibran
Wrapping up July 2020 in the LTG archives. I’d like to say the month went out with a bang, but that didn’t happen. I did fall in love, though. And there would be some banging in the future. Spoiler alert: It wound up being another failed relationship.
I posted a crap YouTube video about Barretto the other day, but this one is much better. The vloggers had a great time at the Alley Hideout dart bar, then went to Hot Zone for some hot dancers. They also noticed how empty the bars were and the overall lack of tourists. Supply exceeds demand, and that’s not a good recipe for success.
Don’t shoot the messenger! I post, you decide:
And now on to another Hash Monday. I ain’t dead yet.
Please regale your humble audience with a few choice tales of mailman pecadillos of yore.
Mate,
This stuff sith Swan seems to be becoming a twice monthly event. You have been pretty vague about the causes, but are there similar (sorry for sounding like a wanker) “triggers” that are instigating the whole thing? Jealousy? You, as am I, are in a very fucked up environment….The idea that every time you go out you can easily find someone to sleep with has to be nerve (w)racking for chicks in a world where everyone is cheating on each other. SE Asians learn about sex and relationships by watching their dog, goats, chickens fuck everything that moves. If this is the cause of stroppiness, maybe ease off on the bars…..just once or twice a week and not ones where she knows there are sheilas openly available for fuckage.
She’s pushing menopause age too, right? Does she have kids from previous fellas? Or has she talked about wanting them? Many Asians know nothing different other than pushing out sprog after sprog after sprog. She might be getring shit from her family about it, or her biological clock is ticking away and she is thinking if you arent going to lay the seed, then time to look elsewhere.
Is it money? She might be getting all kinds of pressure from deadbeat family and gold digger relatives to milk you dry. For sure they talk about it, and the fact you arent giving her a thousand bucks a month may be causing her to lose face among them.
Or is it simply (I’m sure this is at least part of it) that you are to put it bluntly a bit of a cunt, lol. Average SE Asian chick goes to sleep at night and dreams of her prince charming – some fag from a K-Poop band, Brad Pitt, Rodrigo Duterte, not fartass, piss pants John bloody McCrarey haha.
Anyhow….Shame to hear this is becoming a regular thing but hope it works out for you both.
Loads of typos in there – Sorry
Dr Greg,
If you’d been paying any attention at all you would know that one, Swan has told John she loves him, and two, John has said the relationship isn’t about money. He could cut off all money to Swan and her family tomorrow and nothing would change.
Thirdly, John has stated that Swan enjoys those hooker bars because she is friends with many workers at them, so suggesting that John take a break or do anything that Swan might want to do instead is simply (and pardon my French here it’s rusty) absurd.
Now, let’s not all lose our heads here and go chaotic over the situation. John is in complete control and knows exactly what he is doing. Sometimes it truly is best to just stash one’s beeswax in a sack and bloody well mind it. I certainly know I mind mine, and no one has even asked me to! That is called “consideration and thoughtfulness,” thank you.
Bless you all, the feeling is mutual.