I had some interesting company at “Gomans” last night. And some food for thought for dinner. Well, technically I was alone and I was drinking and not eating, but it was enjoyable all the same.

The person I was spending time with was Jessa and we did it through the messenger app. I’ve mentioned her here on the blog a few times these past couple of years, most recently in March.. In fact, it was our Facebook “friendiversary” that prompted me to re-initiate contact. Here’s a brief recap of our relationship.

I first met Jessa when she was working at Treasure Island. She actually remembers me from a tourist visit when I was with a girlfriend. When I first moved to the Philippines I was staying out on Baloy Beach so I was a regular customer at T.I. Anyway, I developed a bit of a crush for her but began dating someone else before I could pursue things with Jessa. When I broke up (the first time) I tried to see if Jessa might share any interest in a sexy older man such as myself. Oh, she’s always called me “Gwapo” (handsome in Tagalog) instead of John–such a sweet talker! So I wound up taking Jessa and her friends out to celebrate her 30th birthday. When I asked her out to dinner a few days later, she invited her friends along as well. I was expecting something more romantic and although I like her friends I was disappointed. I came to the conclusion that Jessa wasn’t serious about me and I moved on. Or more precisely, I went back to my former toxic relationship. And as I was to become painfully aware both of those moves were mistakes. Big surprise, huh?

So, the world kept on spinning around and I would occasionally hear from Jessa via Facebook. She spent some time in Dubai working but decided to return home because she missed her daughter. When we had last talked she mentioned being involved with a German guy and she was not surprised to hear things had gone south once again with the woman I was seeing. And that’s where things stood when we spent two hours or so chatting online last night.

Jessa was equally sympathetic to my plight and brutally honest about how stupidly blind I had been. She offered me encouragement and advised me to take my time in finding a replacement. She admonished me about both my aversion to being alone and my cowardice in not being open to taking a chance on love with the right woman. She of course reminded me that I had blown an opportunity to be with her as she awaited a pursuit from me that never came. Nothing I hadn’t told myself before or heard from other friends, including a regular commenter here. But I think I needed to hear it again to toughen up my resolve to avoid taking the “easy road” in the future.

One of the things that impressed me was Jessa’s command of English and willingness to engage in a meaningful conversation. My ex didn’t like to talk much and I only understood some of what she said–not a good combination. So, communication ability is going to be high on my list of qualities I hope to find in any future relationship.

Anyway, I came home feeling much more positive about things and I have Jessa to thank for that. I really opened up to her, both good and bad about myself, and she didn’t hesitate to engage in blunt and honest discourse. It definitely helped, although I know I’ve still got a long way to go to get to where I need and want to be. During our chat, I was reminded of what is probably my favorite Stephen King quote. At the end of the night, I shared it with her and thanked her for being an understanding ear.

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.”