It was so nice to enjoy the sunshine again this morning. Now, let me play some catch-up and do a post about Monday’s Hash.
It was a Vienna Sausage (Guenter) trail, and the On-Home was way out at the end of Rizal Extension. So, I knew some modifications were in order from the start. Pubic Head and I agreed to leave from our respective residences and rendezvous at the first family’s (Onelia and Jennifer) house on the My Bitch trail, then hike to the On-Home from there. Another factor we had to consider was the rain situation. It had been drizzling with occasional downpours all morning. I considered bailing on the Hash altogether, but the rain had let up to a light sprinkle when the two o’clock start time rolled around. I knew another deluge could strike anytime, but I decided to take a risk and headed out. I was second-guessing the wisdom of my decision on the portion of the trail I hiked alone, but I was extra careful and managed to avoid any life-altering fuck ups. I got to Onelia’s about twenty minutes before Pubic Head and was surprised to see Blow My Pipe, Demolition Derby, and Captain Prickhard doing the alternative trail as well. The rest of the march to Always Wet’s house for the On-Home events went without incident. I left at the beginning of the Hash circle and made the 3+K hike down Rizal to Barretto on my own. I plopped myself at Sloppy Joe’s and drank enough to extinguish my sobriety, then went next door to Sit-n-Bull and got a banana split to take home with me. Life is good.
And that’s how the Monday Hash went down. Now let’s do Tuesday.
A rainy Tuesday, but the chores still got to be done, and that included the grocery shopping trip to Royal. Swan came along again and it was nice to see her. Tuesday is usually “our day,” and I’ll do my drinking at her place, but she was “busy” last night. And at coffee this morning, she advised she will also be too busy to do our Thursday hike together this week. Yes, I’m disappointed. And yes, I understand she has a lot on her plate. I do have my pride, and I’m not going to beg anyone to spend time with me that they are unwilling or unable to freely give. And to her credit, Swan continually assures me that everything will be different for us come October. I’m looking forward to that. I’m also prepared to do what I need to do if it comes to pass that I am not a priority in her life. Stay tuned.
So, another night on the town on my own. I baked up a batch of brownies to take with me without knowing where I might be going, but that’s part of the adventure. Walking by Sloppy Joe’s, I saw Chris and Shieryl, so I came inside to have my first beer there. And stayed for several. Troy and Jim also dropped by for some pool and beers. As I prepared to move on to the Green Room, I invited them to join me there. And so began our impromptu barhop.
I shared the brownies with the Green Room girls, and they really went nuts over them. That always makes me feel good. I didn’t buy any lady drinks but gave my waitress a generous tip when I departed. We only stayed for one beer because a pool league tourney was going on, and it was uncomfortably crowded. The nice thing about the Maze is that another venue is just a few steps away, so we stepped into Wet Spot next door.
We got a nice table, and two massage girls started giving Troy and Jim shoulder rubs in exchange for lady drinks. Aine came down from the dance stage and joined us as well. A couple of beers later, Jim suggested going upstairs to La Oficina. I countered that Alaska was right through the curtain in back and they agreed avoiding the stairs was a good plan.
My Alaska favorite, Joy the dancer, was already tabled, saving me a potential lady drink or two. We had a good time teasing the bored waitresses sitting behind our table, and before we left, I rewarded them with a lady drink each. So much for saving, right?
Now, here’s the thing. I’m a semi-regular at Alaska, and it’s a sentimental favorite as the first bar I visited in the Philippines (back when it was in AC). I’m friendly with Jerry, the owner, as well. I was hanging with the guys, so I did not need a drinking companion. But I also know how much difference a lady drink commission can make in a bargirl’s daily salary. I don’t know what wages Jerry pays, but most bars give the girls a flat rate of around 300 pesos for an eight-hour shift. That’s less than a dollar an hour. I personally don’t buy double lady drinks, but the commission on a 170 peso single lady drink is 70 pesos. That may not be much, but it is better than nothing and will cover the transportation to/from work, so there’s that. And, of course, if some happy-go-lucky guy buys them several, they’ve doubled their salary for the day. So, I won’t apologize for buying a drink now and then, but I recognize I need to set limits. I’m getting there. But purchasing a gal a drink gives me a level of pleasure that is worth the expenditure for me. I honestly have no motivation to mess with these girls; I see it more as an act of charity. Like giving cookies to the kids on my hikes. The smiles make me feel good.
We decided to vacate the Maze and head down the highway to the end of town closer to home. I suggested we give the seldom visited Rosie’s a try.
That was my Tuesday.
Alright, gonna shower up and head out to feed the Hideaway girls. See you here tomorrow! Enjoy the sunshine wherever you might be!
Someone noticed that I cut my spaghetti rather than roll it on the fork in the traditional fashion. Hey, it’s just the way I roll, er, don’t roll.
Cut your spaghetti??? What are you, five??? Jesus Christ. If you ever visit my place in Seoul again, I’ll know not to make you pasta. Unless it’s orzo, fusilli, or orecchiette. You know—the scoopable pastas.
Maybe I should just serve SpaghettiOs.
I shouldn’t be too harsh, though. There are things from childhood that I still do, too. When I tie my shoelaces, for example, I still use the childish “rabbit ears” method instead of the more mature “through the loop” method.
Don’t read too much into this; it has not come anywhere near to that. Yet.
At this point, I’m just waiting to see how October goes.
And to her credit, Swan continually assures me that everything will be different for us come October. I’m looking forward to that. I’m also prepared to do what I need to do if it comes to pass that I am not a priority in her life. Stay tuned.
Why do I feel as if I’ve read almost these exact words before?
I wonder how many I messed up in this post?
You can start with “I wonder” sentences. Technically, when you begin a sentence with “I wonder,” you’re declaring your mental state about a certain matter.
RIGHT: I wonder where she went.
WRONG: I wonder where she went?
“I wonder” sentences should end with periods.
Glad to see it was finally sunny out. And those were nice pics of the hikes… and even of the bars.
My buddy Tom texted me that “commas” meme just yesterday. It’s a variant of the much older “Eat Grandma/Grandpa!” meme. Commas save lives.
In case you think I’m crazy about the “I wonder” thing, here’s a reference that explains the situation better than I did.
Seems like, at the moment, you are firmly in the “friend zone” with Swan. Things may change and here’s hoping that October brings something more to your liking.
Re: Bars – what % of bars in your area have GRO’s/gogo girls vs. a place you can go and have a beer with no expectations? From reading your blog, I would expect that 80%+ fall into the former category.
Re: Lady drinks – Instead of ordering a 170 peso lady drink, maybe just tip the waitress 100 pesos instead. That way, they make more money and you save money. I suppose the bar itself is losing out, but………..
Isn’t October the point at which you start paying the rent at Swan’s place, err, your new place, and officially become master of said abode?
Perhaps that, ahem, key shift will inspire an attitude adjustment.
Drain, I’m not really ascribing bad motivations for Swan’s actions; she seems sincere and is trying to be honest about her distancing. And as she is quick to point out, we’ll be living under the same roof soon, and we’ll have lots of time to share together. Whether that leads to more intimacy and emotion remains to be seen.
Brian, honestly, even at the friend level, I’m feeling ignored. But perhaps this is my test. We’ll see what happens come October when we are living in the same house.
With the exception of hotel bars, every bar allows waitresses to have a drink with a customer. I’d guess 50% or more employ GROs whose job is to drink with customers. I define “gogo bars” as ones with dancers, and that’s about 25% of the total bars in town.
I’ve often offered that tip instead of the lady drink option, and the girls almost always prefer the drink. I asked them why since the tip was worth more than the commission and was told that they have to meet a lady drink quota every night (or sometimes a week) or their salary is reduced. Also, some bars require all tips to be shared.
Thanks for the link; very interesting and something I’d never considered before. I wonder why.
Kev, sorry that my spaghetti-eating method has triggered you. It’s just how I’ve always done it, and it seems much more efficient. I did look around as others ate, and it appears that only I have found the pleasure inherent in simplicity. True story: I used to have staff in Philadelphia, and on one trip, they took me out to eat at a local family-owned Italian restaurant for dinner. One of my counterparts told the female owner I was a spaghetti cutter. She thought he was joking. When I confessed it was true, she looked disgusted, shook her head, and said, “No spaghetti for you!” And she was serious.
“Why do I feel as if I’ve read almost these exact words before?”
Because my love life is like “Groundhog Day.” Anyway, when we are living under one roof, things will change. My feelings now are likely a manifestation of my selfishness and inability to put Swan’s needs first. But I know what I want, and if it turns out Swan can’t or won’t provide it, then I’m prepared to accept that we are not destined to be lovers. I’m not going to settle for a passionless relationship–I’d rather be alone.
It’s good the police are on the lookout for that missing comma!
My feelings now are likely a manifestation of my selfishness and inability to put Swan’s needs first. But I know what I want, and if it turns out Swan can’t or won’t provide it, then I’m prepared to accept that we are not destined to be lovers.
I’m pretty sure what you want is sex, which on some level I think you see as either deeper than love or necessary for true love (provided the lady is young enough and vigorous enough—no one over 50!). But what if Swan offers the emotional bonds of love without the sex? To be clear, an expectation of sex in a deep relationship isn’t irrational at all. The physical and the emotional/spiritual commingle the deeper you go. But what if Swan’s slow process of opening up (figuratively and literally) means she’ll open up to you emotionally before she even considers the more conjugal side of things? Can you train yourself to wait for that, or are you on some kind of urgent sex schedule (“It should’ve happened by now!”), and you feel as if you’re falling behind?
While deep relationships normally have their emotional and physical sides, I think it’s also the case that you’re used to things proceeding at a certain breakneck pace, and Swan is absolutely violating that for you, hence your frustration. I suspect you have a chance at a real, lasting, and dare I say normal relationship, here, where it’s not always about pounding the hell out of the lady in bed and cuddling afterward. It might be time to adopt a less brutish and more sustainable worldview.
And I guess the practical question is: with Swan signing up as one of your caretakers, will she remain in that role if you decide the relationship is a no-go?
Honestly, Kevin, this is not about sex. Yeah, that’s important too and I’m not willing to be in a long-term relationship without it, but it is not the sex I’m missing at this point. I’m craving companionship, intimacy, and the feeling that I’m a priority in Swan’s life. Again, maybe she’s just different, but she never opens up about what’s on her mind or in her heart. Whenever I try to find out what is happening with her, she gives me some variation of the “be patient” response. I’m in full wait-and-see mode now and leave it entirely up to her whether she wants to see or talk to me. Sometimes, a full day goes by without a word beyond “good night.” If I ask what she was doing all day, she says we can talk about it over coffee in the morning. It’s weird. I feel lonelier now than I did before I met her. Granted, that may very well change when we are living in the same house. I’m willing to wait and see.
Another concern is that she doesn’t seem to share an interest in the things I enjoy. She did consent to hike with me one day a week, but only the two of us. I’d love to have a girlfriend who does the Hash, but I understand that’s not for everyone (some of the rituals are over the top). But it would be nice if she would join the group hikes occasionally–I envy the couples who participate. And I get that she doesn’t like bars and wouldn’t expect her to hang out in that environment. Still, I rarely get invited to join her in any other activities we might share. I’m not so needy that I expect her to always be by my side; I think time apart is good in a healthy relationship, but she makes no discernable effort to find ways to spend time with me. In fact, even on our “scheduled” times, she will cancel if she gets invited to do something else with friends.
So again, my issue isn’t about the lack of sex. If it turns out she isn’t interested in having an intimate relationship, we can settle for friendship. It may be as simple as she doesn’t find me attractive or interesting. I won’t “fire” her because she is not up for being my lover. I don’t fuck the help anyway.
So again, my issue isn’t about the lack of sex. If it turns out she isn’t interested in having an intimate relationship, we can settle for friendship. It may be as simple as she doesn’t find me attractive or interesting. I won’t “fire” her because she is not up for being my lover. I don’t fuck the help anyway.
At the risk of offending you: I’m not quite sure I believe the first sentence given your history. It’s almost always sex on the first or second date, which is another way of saying the chicks you sleep with are either trashy or just plain desperate for cash (but still trashy if they’re accepting money for sex). Swan, by sticking to her guns, has proved she’s not the stereotypical easy chick who hangs around the foreign guys for sex, beer, and money.
And that final sentence: so you’re saying Swan will be off limits once she becomes “the help”? I think I can finally see which way this relationship is going. And I hate to say it, but I’m also a bit leery of Swan’s claim that things will be different once you’re both under the same roof. This sounds as if she’s merely placating or mollifying you, perhaps as a way to keep you from pressuring her (“pressuring” from her point of view). What does “things will be different” mean, exactly? The mourning period will suddenly be over, and she’ll jump your bones? She’ll suddenly start sharing all the things she hasn’t been sharing up to now? She’s going to turn into a completely different person? I don’t know, but something smells fishy. I hope I’m wrong, but tigers don’t usually change their stripes.
Can you list ten of Swan’s virtues, i.e., character traits that make this pursuit worthwhile? What are the reasons you’re sticking this out?
The questions you raise in the second paragraph are exactly the ones I’m asking myself. I’ve chosen to take a wait-and-see approach for a few more weeks. I’ve pulled back emotionally, so she will have to convince me that whatever we have together is mutually beneficial. I really am in a place where I am okay with being alone, especially if drama and stress are the alternatives.
As for the sex aspect, I sometimes feel that maybe she just has no interest. That one night we spent together out of town, she told me “she didn’t like it” when I attempted to initiate a coupling. I think the fact that I’m still around is evidence that sex isn’t my primary motivation here. Don’t get me wrong, I like sex and can’t imagine a relationship without it, but I’d like to see if we can connect better emotionally as a priority. And yes, that would make the sex even better!
I might not know Swan well enough to know her best traits, but the ones I’ve observed included generosity, loyalty, caring nature, shared taste in music, honesty, intelligence, seriousness, cleanliness (she doesn’t even like dirty words), goal-oriented, and family-focused (even if she doesn’t have kids, which is a plus from my perspective). That’s ten, subject to change if and when she lets me close enough to learn more.