Yeah, things don’t always go the way we hope they will, but then, life would be pretty boring if everything went according to plan every time. And it also occurs to me that some of those things that go wrong may actually be blessings in disguise. I get down in the dumps occasionally, but it is easy to find reminders that I truly am a lucky man. As long as I keep waking up each morning, I’m still in the game. Ultimately, experiencing all that life throws at you, good and bad, makes living worthwhile. I’m resolved to continue my journey as long as I can and see where this road I’m traveling on leads me. Experiencing the adventure is the greatest blessing of all.

None of the above musings has anything to do with the TikTok video Mary sent me. She’s an attractive, sweet, and intelligent young woman, but I’ve known from the beginning she’s not the one for me. I’m continuing to support some of her educational goals and needs, and we sometimes share companionship hours, but that’s all there is and all that it will ever be.

Joy wanted to spend her day off with me, but I ignored the request. I enjoy Joy’s company, but I prefer to confine it to the feeding days at Hideaway. I’m not sure why that is, but I suspect it is because I’ve lost interest in scenarios that involve payment for services rendered. I mean, I get that you always pay one way or another, but I prefer pretending that intimacy is coming from the heart, not the wallet.

I saw Nerissa briefly last night, and it was fine chatting and laughing with her. But whatever interest I had in a possible relationship is gone now. Ever since she revealed her drama queen tendencies, I knew I was better off without her. There are worse things than being alone.

And more and more, I’m coming to accept that being alone is my destiny. My date with Darlene seemed to underscore those feelings. I want to emphasize my acknowledgment that I’m as much or more to blame for my romantic failures as anyone else. I am what I am, and I’m unwilling to compromise or settle for anything less than what I want. Of course, if I actually knew what the fuck I wanted and expected, I’d be a lot further down the road to finding it. Anyway, here’s the lowdown on our first and presumably last date.

She was thirty minutes late for our agreed-upon meetup time and location. I cut her some slack because she had to rely on public transportation, including two different jeepneys, to get to Barretto.

I was not physically attracted to her. That’s all on me, obviously. I was not expecting a “love at first sight” scenario, but she also didn’t look anything like what I imagined. Her Date In Asia profile said her body type was slim, and that’s pretty much what I prefer.

Anyway, we met at the 7/11, and Darlene agreed to walk to the floating bar on Baloy, so I give her props for that. She had never been to a floating bar and was excited about the experience. The water was rough, and it took her a while to adapt to the motion, but before too long, she was having a good time. I was a little surprised to see her order a Red Horse beer, that’s a favorite of the locals, but it is also high in alcohol content (8% if I recall correctly). So, it wasn’t long before she was feeling buzzed.

Darlene laughed at my jokes, liked my deep voice, and held her own in our conversations and interactions with the bar staff. In other words, she was good company, and I enjoyed our time together on the floater.

When it came time to eat, I took her to Treasure Island. From what I recall, we had a nice meal and more beers. In fact, I realized it was time to call it a night before she had too much to drink. We caught a trike back to the 7/11 jeepney stop, and I gave her some money to take a trike the rest of the way home from Olongapo (didn’t want her to have to make that transfer to another jeep). Darlene did mention she was feeling dizzy and wanted to wait a bit before going home, but a jeepney pulled up, and I thought it best that she take it.

She sent me a nasty message later that night saying it was wrong of me to have her ride the jeep while not feeling well. I responded, “Sorry.” The next day, she accepted my apology and said she had fun, and I said I had fun too. Then the next day, she sent a message asking for my help. She decided she wants to return to Qatar to work and needed to travel to Manila to complete the application and paperwork requirements. So, I wired her 3500 pesos, and she thanked me profusely. I do want to note that she was not begging and offered to provide services (she is a certified caregiver by trade) in return for the money. I told her that wasn’t necessary, and I was glad to help her achieve her goals.

So, I guess one way to assess the date’s success is to note that Darlene was the first woman who didn’t want to stay in the same country as me after our meeting. Would I have considered going out with her again? Perhaps, but probably with the understanding that we were just together as friends. Again, I enjoyed her company but didn’t feel a romantic attraction. But seriously, I think she knew we weren’t right for each other romantically, so she was ready to move on to a life as an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker).

So, what’s next? Well, hopefully not this:

But maybe this:

I saw Angie for the second time last night, and we had a nice conversation. She’s early 40s and showed me a picture of her 20-year-old daughter, who is working at Wet Spot. I was thankful that her daughter is not one of the girls I ply with drinks there.

Anyway, Angie has been Hashing before and wants to Hash again. And she is off on Mondays. I told her I would be happy to sponsor her (i.e., pay the 300 peso entry fee) anytime she wants to attend. We are also Facebook friends now. So, we’ll see if she is only in it for the drinks or if maybe I’ll have a Hash buddy to hike with.

Some people may think my life is pathetic, and perhaps it is, but it is the best damn life I currently have, and I intend to make the most of it. One way or another.