On the expat forums there is always some controversy surrounding the ethics of tipping your service providers here. It seems to boil down to a disconnect between folks from a tipping culture (Americans) and those from countries where it is not the norm. The non-tippers get upset because us tippers raise expectations and make them appear to be cheap Charlies. Me, I think they are selfish bastards especially when the folks serving you are lucky to make the equivalent of three or four dollars a day in wages.

Anyway, I recently got involved in a convoluted situation with its genesis in tipping. My friend (let’s call her “Ann”) a waitress from Treasure Island, sent me a message saying she had been suspended from work for two months. I of course asked why and she said it was because she had pocketed a customer tip instead of putting it in the “shared tip” pot. She said everyone does it but she got caught. Well. If the rule is all tips are to be shared amongst the staff then her excuse is unconvincing. On the other hand, if I tip someone for special service provided to me, I want my tip to go to her. Still rules are rules and she should have followed them. A 60 day suspension does seem harsh though.

What got me though was learning that the establishment also keeps a portion of the tips! That is such complete and utter bullshit that I found it hard to believe. So I sent a message to my friend Jerry who until recently was the Treasure Island manager. He was completely unsympathetic to Ann’s situation and said her complaints were just sour grapes. He did confirm that TI keeps 15% of the tips received by staff and uses them to pay for the annual Christmas party. Hmm. Again, I’m a generous tipper normally but I’ll be damned if I want that money going to anyone other than those who have provided the service for which I am tipping. I made a mental note to myself to no longer tip at TI. I also now either inquire of my waitress how tips are handled and more often than not, I surreptitiously slip it into her pocket.

But it gets worse. It turns out that Jerry shared what I thought we discussed in confidence with the owner of Treasure Island. I didn’t mention Ann’s name to Jerry, but of course it wasn’t hard for them to peg her as the one talking out of school. The next day I got a frantic message from Ann wanting to know if I had said anything about what she told me (she had in fact asked me not to share what she had told me with anyone). I had to confess that I had talked to Jerry. Ann told me they were now retaliating against her by refusing to provide a “certificate of employment”, a document she required to prove she had the experience listed on her resume so she could find another job. She begged me to go back to Jerry and ask him to intervene on her behalf. I promised I would.

I was of course pissed at Jerry for sharing our conversation and angry with myself for having betrayed Ann’s trust. I thought long and hard about how to approach Jerry, and finally decided to grovel–“I was only asking from a customers perspective. Ann had not told me anything negative about TI and she should not suffer repercussions based on my indiscretion.” Jerry gave me a bullshit answer “I don’t have a problem”. Yeah asshole, the problem is what you said to the owner.

Ann was beside herself with worry, she has a potential opportunity on a cruise ship and needs the letter of employment. So, I went back to Jerry and told him that if the owner was withholding the employment letter because of something I said that was wrong. I specifically asked him to intercede with the owner. His response–“I understand Ann is trying to “poach” other employees.”

Okay, now I’m really angry and it was clear Jerry was not going to be any help. I’m an old union guy and 30+ year HR professional and I can’t stand to see workers exploited this way. You can’t “poach” an employee who is happy with their work situation. And it was now clear to me that TI treats their employees poorly. So as much as I try to avoid getting sucked into drama, I felt like I had contributed to Ann’s dilemma with my big mouth and it was on me to find a way to fix it.

I don’t know anything about Philippines labor law, but a quick Google search revealed that the “certificate of employment” is something an employer is required to provide. It appears there are some pretty severe sanctions for failing to do so. I told Ann to ask one more time that the certificate be provided and if it was refused I’d pay for a lawyer to file charges against TI. Ann was ecstatic and called me “the best friend ever”. Well, I don’t know about that. If I had kept my mouth shut to begin with…

Anyway, I heard back from Ann that the owner wanted to meet with her. I advised her to be polite, admit she had made a mistake, and thank him for the opportunity he had given her to work at TI. As I told her, it doesn’t have to be true, but sometimes sucking up is the best course of action. Apparently it worked because she came out of the meeting with the employment certificate in hand and best of all it did not contain any derogatory information on the circumstances of her departure from TI.

All’s well that ends well I suppose. Some lessons learned of course, but that’s good too.