Comments Posted By John McCrarey

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The lies have it

Welcome back to the comments, James. It’s been a while, and I’ve missed your rather unique insights.

In my defense, I will just say that my behavior when I’m in a relationship is different than how I act when I am single. Having said that, I’ve never considered myself a “whore monger.” In fact, I honestly can’t remember the last time I paid a bar fine. Fucking strangers just isn’t that appealing to me. That’s why I thought my “friends with benefits” program would work, but even then, I don’t like the concept of paying a woman to fuck me. In the case of the mountain mama, she begs me to let her give me a massage, and saying no just seems cruel somehow. She certainly is good at showing her appreciation; I’ll grant her that.

Anyway, I think I do more good than harm here. And perhaps you are right, people are going to believe about me what they choose, so I may as well just accept that and continue being the me that I know I am. Maybe that means I’ll be alone in life, and if that’s the case, so be it.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 10/December/2022 @ 2:25 pm

Thanks for the comment, Brian. I appreciate your insights.

I’ll cop to a degree of hypocrisy in my attitudes. If I fell for the standard bargirl type, I’d give her an allowance equal to her bar salary and ask her to quit. Seeing a guy get touchy-feely with “my” girl wouldn’t fly with me. So, there’s the double standard of which you speak.

I think your characterization of the typical bargirl has elements of truth, with the caveat that not all the girls are looking for the same thing. In my experience, the biggest attraction a lot of them see in the “rich” foreigner is his ability to support her and her family and basic financial security. Yes, some dream of marriage, a visa, and life in another country, but that’s not usually the biggest motivator. You may recall my last girlfriend broke up with me because I could not fulfill her dream of having a baby.

I think the fact that I’m technically still married is overrated. To begin, it is not something I randomly announce upon first meeting someone. If the relationship progressed to the stage of living together in couplehood, I’d definitely be honest about my status. But again, going back to the USA and getting a no-fault divorce would be very easy to accomplish, should I deem it necessary.

As to your question, would I be okay with a married but separated woman? Probably yes. And there are quite a few women in that category since divorce is not legal in the Philippines. My issue would be that adultery is also illegal here. The authorities don’t pursue adulterers but will act on the complaint of a disgruntled spouse. I’ve heard of foreigners being scammed by the husband of a girlfriend–pay me, or I will go to the barangay. So, I’d want to be sure the husband was completely out of the picture.

I don’t have any issues with being seen for what I am, but I’m still not accepting that I am what people see.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 10/December/2022 @ 2:15 pm

Thanks for the feedback, Kevin. It’s always a gift and appreciated. Let me just clarify a couple of points.

I no longer have any physical contact with Joy. My mountain mama friend is a widowed mother and someone I provide weekly financial support with no strings attached. Occasionally (like once a month), she asks to give me a massage to make some extra money, and when I agree, it usually ends happily. But, back when I had a girlfriend earlier this year, I no longer permitted massages because that kind of physical contact crosses the line when you are in a relationship.

Yes, I’m still legally married. I have been physically and emotionally separated from Jee Yeun for six years now. Jee Yeun asked for the divorce, so she should initiate it. I can’t be bothered with it from here, and there are some tax benefits from having a wife. If I ever met someone I wanted to marry (my future ex-wife), I would file for the divorce back in the USA. Divorce is not legally available in the Philippines, and many of the single mothers I encounter still technically have a husband on paper (I’m not sure about Lydell’s status in that regard). Regardless, I doubt that a woman living in Korea I haven’t seen for years would make even the most sensitive Filipina jealous.

I did learn the source of one of the rumors about me having a girlfriend. When I was at that grand reopening at McCoy’s, a mutual acquaintance of mine and Lydell saw me there with those girls that my friend Ron invited without my knowledge. So, a woman I’d “known” for a couple of hours and that I didn’t particularly like (I didn’t take her home with me even though she wanted to go) suddenly became a “girlfriend.” Sometimes you just can’t win.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 10/December/2022 @ 7:32 am

A pig in the Alley

Cole, even in the regular bars (meaning no takeout), most of the girls don’t use their real names (I find this out when I know them well enough to become Facebook friends). I’m not sure why this is, but I’m guessing they don’t want their family to know they are working in a foreigner bar, which apparently has some stigma attached. But I’m sure Irish really does like you!

Yeah, I’m developing the grumpy old man syndrome, too. But the irritations are minor, and I get over them pretty quickly. At Royal, I just watch my groceries being scanned; that’s what I’ve advised the other shoppers to do as well.

18 years old is the legal drinking age here. I occasionally see minors in the bars (especially where there is food) with parents, and no one seems to object. I don’t think there is a law against it.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 08/December/2022 @ 11:20 am

Yep, and she insists it is her given name, not a bar name (a lot of the girls use fake names at work).

I think I only do the lip thing in selfies…it takes all my concentration to reach out and touch that button.

Tragically, the designer of the chart was killed in a hiking accident before he could complete the “dangerous” color code.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 08/December/2022 @ 6:43 am

Four and twenty virgins

Well, there you go, you’ve written your first Hash song! Good job! You seem to have captured the essence of the Hash persona. I’ll forward this to the Songmeister for his consideration.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 07/December/2022 @ 6:11 am

I guess I’ve reached my peek. How much lower can I go? I do know the difference between a peak and a peek, but damn, somewhere between my brain and my fingers, something always seems to go wrong.

Yeah, I think Vienna takes some joy in fucking with us, and we get pleasure out of trying to stymie his plans. But, all in fun. No one takes it seriously.

There’s lots of nice mostly flat trails around, so don’t worry!

» Posted By John McCrarey On 06/December/2022 @ 5:00 pm

Street walkers

Sounds like lots of great memories. Curious about those so-called “stupid mistakes” that you mention. Is Katja pronounced, “caught ya”? That’s how it sounds in my head.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 06/December/2022 @ 7:55 am

“two of the Georgetown girls I was studying in Switzerland…”

My brain paused there longer than it should have.

Initially, I started walking for my health–both physical and mental. But I’ve come to enjoy just being out and about and part of this world I call home. Even on familiar paths, there is usually something new to see. As I age, I fear the day will come when my body loses its ability to take me on my walking adventures. Then again, I see lots of older folks livin’ the life so I’m not stressing over it.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 06/December/2022 @ 6:48 am

The real McCoy’s

Actually, the first version of McCoy’s was just pretty much a ramshackle throw-together. That had its charm, but it always had a temporary feel about it. I think the new structure will attract more passerby business with the additional seating taking advantage of the vistas.

I’ll have to give the knotchos a try. I wonder if I can get them to add some raisins?

» Posted By John McCrarey On 05/December/2022 @ 5:47 am

Wish you were here

It’s all about context; I’ll levy you that.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 05/December/2022 @ 5:41 am

You know, it’s funny because I considered “levee” first but didn’t think the elevated strips in the rice field qualified. The levees I’ve seen were these huge structures controlling the water flow in a river. I even remembered a Led Zepplin tune called “When the levee breaks”:

If it keeps on raining, the levee’s going to break
If it keeps on raining, the levee’s going to break
When the levee breaks, we’ll have no place to stay

Anyway, berm felt right at the time, and I’m glad that it can be used in that context without being completely wrong. I just did a quick search to see if I could find a better word than levee or berm, and all I saw was “dike” which doesn’t sound right somehow either.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 04/December/2022 @ 7:49 am

It ain’t happening

Kev, well, you were my inspiration for that 50,000-step goal. Glad I achieved it–once.

Yes, I was taking a tentative posture on the bar with every intention to bail at the first sign of something not being right. Glad I found out early.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 03/December/2022 @ 6:54 am

Thanks, Dan. I was approaching this in an eyes-wide-open manner. Wasn’t going to set myself up to lose more than I could afford or to be in a situation that took the fun out of having my own place. So, the meeting with the other bar owners/managers I know and respect was always going to be the first step. Once I heard what they told me, I had zero interest in pursuing what has always been more of a fantasy than a dream or goal.

If some other opportunity presents itself, I’ll take the same approach.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 03/December/2022 @ 6:45 am

Out on the town

Yeah, hopefully, he’s taking meds and doing follow-up visits with the doctor. My sense is that John’s one of those guys who isn’t keen on people intruding into his personal business, so I’m not sure pushing him will help. I will check in, though, and offer any help he might need.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 03/December/2022 @ 6:59 am

Yes, there is at least one good hospital in Manila–Saint Luke. There is another one on Clark in Angeles that is supposed to be good too. The hospitals in Olongapo pretty much all suck.

I sent John a message this morning, and he said he’s sleeping better and hopes to be back on his feet in a couple of days.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 02/December/2022 @ 4:15 pm

Here’s the sad thing, Kevin. He’s been to the doctor! I’m not sure what happened or why, but he was not admitted to a hospital where at least he’d have oxygen available if the need arose. I’ll check in with him again this morning to see if he’s doing any better, and if not, I’ll encourage him to go get a second opinion. Poor healthcare is one of the major downsides to living here.

I am absolutely flabbergasted that I spelled c’est la vie wrong. I actually took the time to look it up, and I still wrote it wrong. The distance between my brain and my fingers grows larger with each passing day I’m afraid.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 02/December/2022 @ 5:47 am

Rocks in my head

I probably would have avoided that ladder if it had been any higher. Lydell took the photo, and my masculine pride insisted that I not appear cowardly in her presence.

Martin was behind me; now I’m curious if he took the ladder or found a workaround.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 02/December/2022 @ 5:50 am

Infrequent incursions

Brian, perhaps the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I can’t go all in unless my partner meets me halfway. But I’m always of the mind to walk away if I can’t be what she needs or wants me to be. I’m not going to pretend…

» Posted By John McCrarey On 01/December/2022 @ 1:24 pm

Kev, I’ve used Waze here a couple of times to give my driver directions, but nothing on trail. I know a couple of the Hashers use their GPS and Google Maps when they are looking for alternative routes off-road. I’ll see about downloading Naver to my phone.

Well, I was panting at the end of the “massage” and took a hit from my inhaler, but nothing like those “OMG, I can’t breathe!” moments I’ve experienced in the past. Progress!

Okay, BBC is on the list of places for you to eat when you visit. They do have tartar sauce available on site; I think they forgot to include it with my takeout order (and to be fair, I didn’t think to ask, just assumed it was automatic).

Thanks for the feedback on love and sociopathy. I like your interpretation of that quote much better and agree you have captured the true meaning and intent.

Before I answer your punctuation question, I just want to say it is nice that the bad example is not something I wrote for a change. I’d lose the comma after “freedom.” Why? Just “because.” I didn’t even have to review your linked lesson to figure that out. That should earn me a “shows improvement,” don’t you think?

» Posted By John McCrarey On 01/December/2022 @ 6:51 am

Another half-assed Hash

Brian, I believe you can buy wholesale for around 40 pesos a bottle. The cheapest bar in town (Snackbar) sells it for 50 pesos retail. I’d say the average price is in the 70-80 range.

I’m not price-conscious when I go out, but a lot of guys are. I’d try to keep my prices as low as possible while maintaining a sufficient profit margin to cover overhead.

Yeah, if I don’t have a partner I’m probably going to drink for free. 🙂

» Posted By John McCrarey On 30/November/2022 @ 10:26 am

I don’t remember his name at the moment. If I recall correctly, he’s a Manila Hasher who moved to this area recently. I may have sounded harsher than I intended–yes, he’s slow as molasses, but he’s out there doing his best, and you gotta respect that. The Hash ethos is that everyone follows the trail on their own, but when someone follows me on a shortcut, I feel some responsibility for getting them back safely.

Interesting article on orienting. No, I don’t know anyone who uses those techniques. I am often disoriented, though. But that said, we do have some hard-core hares who go out exploring using their GPS to find their way.

Yeah, being familiar with an area and its landmarks makes a huge difference. I’ve been here in Barretto long enough that I can usually find my way home from an unfamiliar trail if need be. But it is always a concern when I do an out-of-town Hash–if I lose the trail, I’m fucked, and it makes shortcutting pretty much impossible. Still like seeing new places and faces though; it’s just more challenging.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 30/November/2022 @ 6:15 am

Hello in there

Yeah, my thought is that I would spend my “bar hours” at my place. Still, that’s only four or five hours per day. I’d keep an eye on things and fix anything I saw going wrong, but I’d definitely need a full-time manager to run the show.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 30/November/2022 @ 10:28 am

Kev, I buy some chocolates for the girls from the Belgian occasionally; I’ll try to remember to get a picture next time. He usually has quite a variety, from dark to white, nuts and plain, and some with alcohol (which I hate).

Yeah, it was a roll cake. I didn’t taste it, so I’m not sure if it was like the Korean version or not. I’ve had other cakes from Goldilocks, and they are American-style; I suspect this one was too.

Hmm…if I do open a bar, maybe I’ll feature pichi as part of the pub fare. Give it a flashy name like “pichi keeno” or something.

The beach resorts are required to have a lifeguard for people swimming in the bay. I have never seen any pool here with lifeguards. The more I think about it, I’d probably put a door between my bar and the pool, just to keep it simple.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 29/November/2022 @ 7:27 am

Dan, HaHa! Yes, I’ve seen that happen–stupid foreigner makes the investment, does the work to build a successful business, then we take it from him and run it into bankruptcy within a year. I seriously wouldn’t consider this at all except for the possibility of doing a month-to-month lease and maybe $5000 max for equipment and supplies. I’m not going to expose myself to being hurt badly if things go south for any reason.

Thanks also for the bar name ideas. Keep on fizzing!

» Posted By John McCrarey On 29/November/2022 @ 7:17 am

Kev, there is a personal story behind “The Rite Spot” moniker. Way back in the early 1960s, my dad managed a burger joint by that name (he also ran the grill). It was like something out of Happy Days; they even had a jukebox in the dining room. Dad would sometimes take us to work with him and have us perform chores like sweeping the parking lot. Those are some of my earliest memories. A few years later, a McDonald’s opened across the street, and The Rite Spot couldn’t compete with those 15-cent burgers. So, naming my place The Rite Spot is kind of a sentimental choice.

Honestly, details like how to make the burger patties haven’t even crossed my mind. I’ll definitely need to have a professional cook in the kitchen.

The vibe I’d be going for in the bar is a laid-back good time. A place to hang out with friends and enjoy the views. There will not be any naughty stuff going on or even implied. Yeah, I would have lady drinks available for customers who want some company in the bar, but nothing extra. And yeah, maybe having some of those “yard long” or beer in a boot gimmicks might be fun.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 29/November/2022 @ 7:12 am

Yeah, the relatively low rent was what intrigued me enough to seriously consider trying this. I’m not sure about all the other expenses beyond utilities that may be involved, but probably some form of insurance will be necessary. I know that graft is prevalent in this country, but from what I’ve heard, the local government in Barretto/Olongapo is pretty honest (unlike AC). One thing is for sure; I would never permit anything in my bar that wasn’t in strict conformance with the law. That means no take-out. The girls will be free to do as they please off-duty, and the bar will not get a cut.

Yeah, this is more of a hobby than something I expect to make big bucks on. The real challenge would be insuring I don’t spend or lose more than I can afford.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 29/November/2022 @ 6:53 am

Brandon, yeah, I get that the idea versus the reality of having a bar can be at two ends of the spectrum. As I explore those realities, I may very well wind up saying, “nope.” My personality is not the friendly and outgoing type you’d probably expect from a pub owner. I also have a very low tolerance for drunks and their shenanigans. Unless I had a manager to be the face of the bar to deal with the day-to-day bullshit, I wouldn’t even attempt it.

I do appreciate your insights–this devil needs an advocate!

» Posted By John McCrarey On 29/November/2022 @ 6:45 am

My kind of day

Brian, yeah, I’ve heard that joke before. Luckily, I don’t want to make a million! I would like to at least break even month to month.

Thanks for the encouragement. It is easy to get wrapped up in disappointments and forget that you are living the dream. I’m trying harder to appreciate just how lucky I am.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 29/November/2022 @ 6:57 am

Weird you can’t see the video; I accessed it from my blog to show several people last night. Maybe it’s a location out-of-the-country thing. I generally won’t post links back to FB, but I couldn’t find a way to save the video otherwise. Oh well, it was pretty gruesome.

I’d say we are still well under 50% developed in Alta Vista, but the number of houses has doubled in the four years I’ve lived here. With more houses will come more traffic and associated ass pain. At least my little blue house is isolated at the end of a cul-de-sac.

Thanks for the cookie-cutter ideas. I might try the jar lid next time. Other than aesthetics, they taste just fine, so not a lot of motivation. Maybe if I were having company over.

Lydell’s scar is from a motorscooter accident a couple of years ago. Scars don’t bother me in the way a tattoo does. I’m still trying to get used to unshaven legs, though.

Re: the beach bar. No, surprisingly, almost all the bars in this area are on the street side. The only one for foreigners in Barretto is Mango’s, but most folks go there to eat rather than a bar hangout. I do think a nicely appointed bar on the beach would be popular; I’m just not sure I’m up for the pain-in-the-ass factors involved in opening one. I’ll post some pics of the location today.

“The life you’re living might not be the life you intended, but in some sense, it’s your best life, i.e., the one most suited to you”

Yeah, that resonates. This lifestyle is a choice, and while not always ideal, it does seem to work for me. Maybe all this is missing is accepting that this is what I’ve become.

» Posted By John McCrarey On 28/November/2022 @ 6:12 am