There is something very weird going on. I’ve been here almost five years and have never seen anything like it. Maybe it’s all coincidence, but damn, it makes me feel like I need to reevaluate what being generous means. Or revisit Rule #1 (don’t be a sucker). I’m not saying that all the pleadings are illegitimate, but I’m starting to feel overwhelmed, and I’m going to have to toughen up.
#1. Joy’s phone needed to be repaired, and I agreed to meet her at the repair shop. Anticipating that the repairs would cost more than the phone was worth, I erased my backup phone and brought it with me. Enjoy your almost-new Samsung A-23 Joy.
#2. Maria wanted to give me a massage so she could buy milk for her baby. I told her I was busy.
#3. MJ needed medicine for her daughter and wanted to give me a massage to earn extra money. I told her I wasn’t in the mood but gave her an additional 500 pesos in her weekly “allowance” for the meds.
#4. Mary’s grandmother was sick, and she needed to take her to the doctor. To be fair, it was the first time Mary had ever directly asked me for cash. I gave it to her.
#5. Agnes messaged me that her electricity had been shut off, and her kids were crying because it was so hot in the house. In a weak moment, I agreed to help her out, and she met me at Annex bar to pick up the money. While she was there, I bought her a mango juice and asked if she was working tomorrow. She matter-of-factly told me that she was taking the day off to run errands. I was gobsmacked. You don’t have money to pay your electric bill, but you take time off work anyway? It didn’t appear she understood the connection. In that moment, I realized I had just violated Rule #1.
#6. Mae wanted to come see me because she lacked the funds to pay for the baby she is about to give birth to. That’s right, she’s 8+ months pregnant and wants to fool around for money. I didn’t even respond.
#7. Aine needs money to pay her bills and wanted to give me the opportunity to provide her with 1500 pesos to do so. I’ll give her credit that her request was more of an offer than blatant begging, but I still chose not to respond.
Again, it is not unusual for me to get these kinds of requests. But getting all of these in one day was borderline overwhelming. I’ve always tried to do what I can to help people in need, but I live on a budget and can’t help everyone. I’ve been providing regular support for MJ, but it seems like it is never enough. That’s frustrating. And the requests from people I don’t know that well, like bargirl acquaintances, are irritating. I’m not completely unsympathetic to their tales of woe, but the voice in my head is screaming, “And why, exactly, is that my responsibility to pay for?”
Anyway, that’s my rant for today. I need to toughen up. I’ve blocked people in the past, and I’ll probably reinstitute that practice when I feel like the only thing we have in common is my money.
In other news, I grilled some steaks yesterday for the first time in several months.
So, the meat was tender and flavorful. And about as thick as a slice of luncheon meat. I gave that feedback to the local vendor I bought them from, and she said I could request to have the meat sliced as thick as I wanted. Well, okay then, I’ll give them another try. Those four thin steaks would have been okay as two. The only problem is they ain’t cheap…that’s 2200 pesos ($44.) worth of beef in the first photo above.
Oh well, what else am I going to spend the money on, needy bargirls? I need to reevaluate my priorities, I suppose.
My Tuesday night bar crawl took me to Cheap Charlies, Annex, Sloppy Joe’s (rapidly becoming my favorite bar), and Alaska. We (with my pal Chris) had control of the music last night and played more of our favorites. Other patrons shouted out their requests, and it made for some interactive fun. I’d gone to Alaska to see Virginia (damn, I love that line), but she had been tabled by another customer. That’s the way it works in the girly bar business–first cum, first served) and I have no issues with that. Seeing the other dancers on stage with forlorn expressions that I wasn’t picking a substitute drinking partner made me a little sad for them, so I had my waitress bring me some 50 peso notes, and I handed out eight of them to the girls. Yeah, it’s a small thing, but better than nothing. I certainly would have spent more than that on drinks for Virginia, so win-win!
And that was my day.
I need to toughen up. I’ve blocked people in the past, and I’ll probably reinstitute that practice when I feel like the only thing we have in common is my money.
Yeah, these aren’t relationships; they’re examples of parasitism. You’re not making anyone “happy” in a deep sense, as you see every time the same people keep coming back to you for more dinero. Turn off the money spigot, and they’ll simply move on to someone else.
All of this reminds me that I need to send you that tee shirt I promised. I forget your size, though. XL? 2XL?
Thanks, Kev. I’ll go with the 2XL…I’m sure I’ll grow into it…
There is a very pronounced cultural trait in the Philippines of making one’s problems someone else’s problems. Suffice to say that rugged individualism, honesty, and personal responsibility are not the norm. (Thin-skinned reaction, pouting, jealousy, and vindictiveness often are). The reasons and impacts of this dynamic on a society and culture can be debated forever. But it can be observed in everything from individual waste disposal to national defense. It is what it it, and it’s important for foreigners to at least recognize that it’s there.
If you’re not familiar with Atlantic writer James Fallows’ controversial 1987 essay “A damaged culture,” you may want to check it out. It’s broader than these quick observations and digs into some important areas. Truly groundbreaking in its day. And, predictably, often denounced in certain circles. Has it aged well? You be the judge.
Also, it’s often noted that many Americans seem to have a naive cultural predisposition to play the White Knight, rescue the damsels, and fancy themselves different from and better than all the rest. Sometimes it’s quaint. Sometimes disastrous.
Was Kipling’s “White man’s burden” sincerity or satire?
At any rate, Rule Number One, always.
Cheers!
DS, thanks for sharing your insights. I’m not familiar with Fallows’ essay, but I’m definitely going to give it a read–sounds fascinating. There are certainly many positive aspects to Filipino culture and character, but there is no denying the negative ones you mention as well.
Ah, the White Knight syndrome. Even back when I was a tourist, some of the hard-core mongers thought I was spoiling the bargirls and called me “Captain Saveaho”. I do still try and treat everyone with respect, but I’ve also wised up enough to know that trying to help some people is a wasted effort. So, I need to make better choices and harden my heart to the unworthy. And I definitely need to apply Rule #1 consistently.
Thanks again for the thought-provoking comment.