It’s certainly interesting how you can suddenly find yourself at the intersection of the unexpected and the unintended, not knowing which way to turn, and then enduring the consequences of your indecision. That was where I wound up yesterday.
I guess the first indication of trouble to come was Thursday night. My helper Gina, who is also friends with the ex, told me said ex was very distraught about something and maybe I should inquire as to her well-being. I was tired and a little drunk at this point so I went to bed instead. The next morning I did send the ex a message asking if she was alright. She responded affirmatively but then revealed that she was really upset with the female Hash group on Facebook. When she told me why I too was pissed off.
I mentioned in an earlier post that I had an encounter with a drunk “Janey” on Wednesday night at Bar Celona. What I didn’t reveal, because it seemed insignificant at the time, was that “Laura”, one of Janey’s friends took a photo of us together. I recall being a little perturbed at the interruption of my beer enjoyment for no apparent reason, but Janey’s friend was insistent on capturing the moment.
Well, come to find out Laura posted the photo in the Facebook group with some commentary mocking my ex. That was why she was upset. Seriously, who in the fuck does that, and for what motivation? To take pleasure in causing someone else pain? I honestly don’t get it and I thought the invasion of Janey’s privacy in such a fucked up manner ought to be brought to her attention.
At first, Janey shared my anger and indicated she wouldn’t have any future dealings with Laura. She came back to me later and said Laura had denied posting the photo and she had suggested maybe one of the other girls present had done so. Well, I’m no detective but the only photo taken that I knew of was taken by Laura and was on her phone. But whatever.
So, I go out and do my Friday morning group hike and we finished at Cheap Charlies for some lunch and beer. I get a message from Janey asking how the hike was, and then she brings up the photo issue again. I reiterated that I didn’t believe Laura’s denial but she could believe whatever she wanted. I said it seemed cruel and unnecessary that the ex had been subjected to mockery. I mean, she already knew that I was seeing Janey.
Oops.
Janey: “How does she know that?” Me: Because I told her. Janey: Why would you do that? Me: Because she asked and I wasn’t going to lie about it. Someone had already told her.
And then the shit hit the fan. I sat there in disbelief as message after angry message came up on my phone. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have acknowledged my “dating” with Janey. I get that she wanted to be discreet. After all, she does have a boyfriend. My bad. But Janey wouldn’t let it go at that. Instead, she attacked me on the most personal level: I had no character. I had betrayed her trust. I was a liar. She was a fool to have believed I had feelings for her. On and on she went. And then she said the words I had never wanted to hear: “And to think I almost broke up with my boyfriend for you!”
You know, I had backed off of the relationship with Janey specifically so she could find her own way about what to do with her boyfriend. From everything she has told me the guy is a complete loser. Treats her disrespectfully, is likely cheating on her, and may even be a pedophile (based on pictures she saw on his Facebook account). I didn’t want to be her second choice or fallback position. It was important to me that she figured out that she was better off without him. Not for me, but for her own good. Then I thought we would have a chance to see how things would work out for us as a couple. And until yesterday I thought she might be moving in that direction. But compare me unfavorably to her pathetic boyfriend? Perhaps they deserve each other.
Anyway, at that moment I think I realized it was over with her once and for all. I’d never seen her in attack mode like that and it wasn’t pretty. Or deserved in my opinion. So, someone who would turn on me like that is not the kind of person I would trust with my heart. It was a painful way to find out that aspect of her character, but I’m glad I know now.
I ended our conversation by telling her I don’t need the drama in my life. We wished each other well in the future and that was that.
So yeah, I shouldn’t have gotten involved with the ex’s issues with the Hash group. I thought I was doing Janey a favor by revealing the true nature of her friend Laura. Obviously, I should not have bothered. The ex told me she had blocked all the girls in the Hash group and that she would not be participating in any future Hashes. And then she told me “Janey is old and ugly”.
Well, it turns out she is ugly on the inside.
People reveal their true natures in times of crisis. Engaging in a relationship that involves secrecy, lies, and deceit can only lead to trouble, so I’d say all parties are at fault on that score. But Janey is surely smart enough to realize that, if your ex was already asking about you and Janey, then the ex already knew (or strongly suspected) something was up. If Janey is upset that someone now knows she’s been cheating on her boyfriend, she shouldn’t have cheated in the first damn place.
Maybe this should all come as a relief. You hadn’t been thrilled about the prospect of a committed relationship with Janey, anyway, so here’s your out!
As for feeling miffed about being compared to Janey’s boyfriend, I have to ask: would you be willing to walk around town wearing a tee shirt that said, “TECHNICALLY, I’M STILL MARRIED TO MY FOURTH WIFE”?
Wow! Sounds like high school girls and cattiness and stuff that goes with that.
Just reinforces my thought that nothing good is going to come out of trying to be (or being) in a relationship in your relatively small neck of the woods.
Drama, drama, and more drama. LOL
Keep getting me confused. I’m to old and can’t keep up with your women mis- adventures. Dysfunctional daughter and problems with nerve regrowth keep me occupied. On a lighter side and less trouble than your women…lots of bears this year. Been harmless, but. Had one walk right by me while setting on my front porch in the middle of the afternoon. This one was to small to be be the one that shits on my front lawn about every three nights. Dogs know it when he comes through. Forecast snow in the city on the 8th. 80s today.
Be safe, or at least be careful
Jerry
“TECHNICALLY, I’M STILL MARRIED TO MY FOURTH WIFE”?
HaHa! I had (almost) forgotten about that! But I am divorced in my heart and soul and that’s what matters most. I’ve actually always believed it was on Jee Yeun to initiate the divorce she claimed to want. In the meantime, I’m enjoying the tax benefits of filing jointly. One of the quirks of Philippines life is that divorce is illegal here. There is a long and expensive annulment process that most people can’t afford. Consequently, almost all available females I meet are technically still married. Including Janey.
Yeah, during her rant Janey was especially livid about people knowing she was a cheater. But I was thinking WTF? You met me in a bar with your friends present and wanted me to take you home. The best unkept secret in town!
As I said, I’d already pulled way back so this break may have been inevitable. It was just surprising and hurtful that she chose to do it in such a mean-spirited way.
Brian, I am constantly amazed at just what a small town this truly is. Another example from yesterday: I had a woman named Nicole come to the house to give me a massage (the second time I’ve used her). The first time was after she greeted me on the street. Turns out she “knew” me from seeing me sitting at the Mango’s beachside bar while she stood outside using the free wifi. Anyway, yesterday during the massage she told me that her friend Leila knows me. I didn’t recall any Leila and she said “you brought her home from the bar where she worked for a massage. Since I barfine so infrequently I vaguely recall the event (almost two years ago!) but not the woman. I jokingly said next time I’ll have you both give me a massage. Nicole readily agreed and even mentioned it again when she left–“next time I’ll bring Leila with me”. Hell, maybe that’s the kind of drama I need more of!
And yeah, catty high school girls is a very apt description of the mindset of many Filipinas. I don’t know why they enjoy tearing each other down that way. I’m really intending to stick to my guns and avoid getting sucked into another relationship disaster. Wish me luck!
Jerry, and I always thought bears shit in the woods! Honestly, it would make me nervous to have them out in my yard. Be careful!
Good luck with the daughter and nerve regrowth! Hang in there!
It’s either meeting women in bars or churches. Damned if you do and damned if you do.
No wonder the very few that love to fish are fighting off suiters no matter their looks or weight.
John, I spent about a year in a small town in Indonesia – probably the only westerner in 50 miles or so. I very quickly learned that it was best if I lived the life of a monk while I was there. It was like Cheers (“where everyone knows your name”), but on a town wide scale! LOL
Pete, yeah I’ve pretty much given up the hunt. I know there are quality women out there somewhere but they are going to have to find me. Meanwhile, I’ll just make do with P4P or friends with benefits.
Brian, yeah I hear you. I could never live the province life. And while it seems that everyone knows my name, there are lots of other expats around to divert attention. My masseuse told me she has three customers named John. I only know one of them!